There Once Was Love - 7. Chapter 6.5 - Interlude 1

As I open my eyes to another day, I sit up and rub my eyes. Stretching to make the feeling of wake up go away a little, my body is telling me that it wants to sleep, but I, on the other hand, know that will never happen. So I get out of bed and search for something to wear. Don’t mind my state of mind, it’s still waking up. I grab some silky soft boxers and a red t-shirt that has something on it, along with some pants that fit just right.

Walking by my mirror, I see my reflection. I didn’t stop to search myself like I do every day. Walking out my bedroom and into the bathroom my parents recently put in, I looked around and saw that they built it to my liking. As you can tell, this is my first time in the new bathroom, and yes, they had to knock out a wall or two. I didn’t mind though, I guess the only reason they did that was so I wouldn’t destroy their bathroom anymore. Oh well, more privacy I guess.

Stripping my first piece of clothing, I felt the texture of the material move across my bare skin. I felt the coldness when my t-shirt came off, my nipples were already erect from the bitter cold my parents decided the house should be. Next, I pulled down my boxers; it got even colder in the bathroom. “God, this house needs to warm up,” I stated to no one in particular. Reaching over and turning on the water, I waited for it to get to the right temperature. I hopped in and got my body all relaxed and welcomed with a comfort I like. Letting the steamy hot water overcome my body, my mind wanted to think of that boy I could not get out of my head. From the first time I saw him, from the first smile I saw on his face talking to his friends, I knew I didn’t have a shot, but my body just craved his attention. Thinking about him made things happen to my body. It started with my member rising and my loins burning with fire, you know, that itch or crave that you had to take care of, yea that. Seeing the images of the boy I wanted to touch, to caress, to put my lips on, that warm silky skin, to run my hands over his firm yet soft skin, I wanted to so badly to smell his scent. I know the more I let these images corrupt me the more the fire in loins there will be.

Grabbing the shampoo and pouring it into the lufa and running the shampooed lufa over my skin, my body twitched for more. Everything I did to my skin turned me on even more. After rinsing off my the shampoo and grabbing the conditioner, I rubbed my hands together, running them over my body and waiting a couple of seconds. I stepped back into the hot steamy water to rinse off the conditioner. Running my hands over my newly smoothed skin, my skin felt so soft and so silky. My body barely has any hair whatsoever. At 17 you would think my body would have hair, but I guess my body has natural smoothness, which I love so very much. That means I didn’t have to shave that often. Also, being a swimmer, it helps a lot. After getting the shampoo and conditioner worked into my medium hair and rinsing it out, I turned off the shower.

I slipped as I stepped out of the shower; I shook my head telling myself, “This happens every fucking day!” I wished that it didn’t, but it never fails to happen, oh well. Picking myself up and grabbing my towel, I walked out of the bathroom. I walked over to my dresser and started picking out something to wear and then remembered that I already did this. So I walked back into the new bathroom, which still smelled like wet paint, and picked up the clothes and walked back into my colder-than-ice room, the rays from the sunrise caught me, hitting my skin that still shown. Standing there watching as the sun hit my skin and turning it a pretty bronze color, watching as it rose into the sky, my body felt warm. As it rose over my body, I shuddered with delight. I think this is the only time that I thanked god for being alive. But the feeling soon passed as the Sun rose over my window, leaving the room in a bright sunny color.

Shaking my head, I walked over to the mirror and watched myself as I got dressed. I don’t know what it was, but it looked as though my body was getting better toned. Not really that much, my stomach is shaped like a swimmer’s. I could tell in the reflection that it was smooth, flat and strong. Shaking off the feeling of whatever was happening to me, I reached over and grabbed my shirt, you could clearly see my ribs as I raised my arms over my head. I guess you could say that I’m skinny for my build, age, and whatever else. Reaching over again and grabbing the comb to shape my hair for the day, I watched as my hair shaped something of a flair type thing, where your hair is flipped up somewhat, yea, like that. Anyways, it looked sweet. After I got dressed and looked over my outfit for the day, there was a knock on the door. It was none other than my younger brother; I yelled for him to leave me alone. My brother is about a year and a half younger than me, but you know that thing about brotherly love and that we have to fight all the time to show each other love? Well that really didn’t happen that much, only when he was being annoying. I opened the door for him and turned back around to face my mirror, still getting ready for the day.

I watched as my little brother sat on my bed and watched as I finished whatever I was doing. My brother didn’t know that I liked other guys, I will never tell him either. I didn’t want him to judge me for my sexual preference. I wouldn’t tell my parents either. It’s most likely that they probably wouldn’t understand, or get me for that matter, so I stayed in the closet around my family. It’s just something that I didn’t want to share at the moment, not until I felt that I was ready. Turning around and walking over to my bed, I sat next to my brother. Oh, did I tell you his name? I don’t think I have. Let me cover that real quick, his name is Daemon Lum Flint. I ain’t gonna tell you my name just yet, just know that it’s me who’s telling this to you. Looking over at him, you could tell that he is going to be a lady killer when he gets older, or maybe he already is. My brother has blonde spiky hair, semi medium, but semi short too. He has this complexion that is flawless, like I said, lady killer. He has already been on dates. Me on the other hand, you can tell that I haven’t; I just don’t like to pretend to like someone to please someone else. So still looking at my brother and him looking back at me, he shoves me and tells me to quit it. I got revenge on him by flinging myself at him, getting on top him and tickling the snot out of him, until he said what little brothers always say, “I’m going to pee if you don’t stop.” I thought it was always cute. I let my brother get air back into his lungs while I got my shoes on. I stood up and reached for my backpack. He followed me to the door, but we didn’t leave the room. He popped the question that I wished he never did.

“Hey, Cyrus… I… um, have a question.” He spoke in a trembling, shaky voice I didn’t get until I looked at him. He had his head very low, almost touching his chest. He looked very small just then. I took sympathy on him. I took him by the hand, while shutting the door to my room. I led him back to my bed and asked the question that I was afraid to really ask him.

“What’s up Daem?” I asked, and before you ask that’s his nick. I gave it to him at a young age.

“Well, I was wondering, do you hate gays?” Still in a small tiny voice he asked that, I really didn’t know how to answer without actually telling him that I was, in fact, gay. Breathing a big sigh and trying to muster up some courage that I wish would come more easily, I spoke.

“I… Um, Daem,” I wish this was easier than this. I mean, how can I tell my adorable brother that his only brother is gay and that I like boys? Arguing with myself before it was too late to actually answer his question, he looked at me and waited for the answer. I wished it could come more... hell, I don’t know... easily, I guess. This is a very hard question to ask someone. It could be taken the wrong way, or the right way for that matter. “Well Daem, no I don’t hate gays. Why would you think that?” I said, taking the heat off me for the moment.

“I don’t know, like with Dad and Mom always saying stuff about how gays are going to hell and that gay’s will die a terrible death that they don’t like Fags that much!” He said that last part in a whisper, I wish I could tell him about me; this would be so much easier on him and me.

“No, Daem. I have nothing against gays, I like them. What’s the difference between a straight person and a gay person? Nothing. Well, except that gay guys like guys and straight guys like girls.” He smiled a small smile, I was glad that he accepted my answer. But I don’t think he was done asking me questions. I love my brother, but this conversation is getting more than hard, it’s treading in terrible territory, a territory that I wasn’t ready to discuss, but he didn’t know and I can’t hold that against him.

“I have another question. Say if your friend likes guys, would you not want to be around him anymore?” OK, that question can go two ways, 1. He is either talking about himself, or 2. He really has a friend who is gay or thinks he is gay.

“I would say that it wouldn’t matter to me. Everyone needs a friend, Daem, but it’s not up to me to really give you that answer. You have to decide if you really want to be friends with someone like that. Why? What’s going on? Who is the friend who thinks he’s gay?”

He took a few moments to answer that question, it looked like he really was giving or taking my advice. God, this conversation needs to stop until I get this under control. His head is still bowed, still almost touching his chest. I reach over and lift up his head for him to look at me. Tears were in his eyes; his eyes looked more beautiful when they sparkled with un-shed tears. With those baby blues looking at me, I smiled a little; I knew this conversation wasn’t over, but it couldn’t go on anymore.

“Hey Daem, let’s wait until later to finish this conversation. You don’t want Mom or Dad walking in the room and finding you with tears in your eyes, they’d most likely blame me for it.” I chuckled at that, but I still sat there with him, feeling sorry that I couldn’t help him. Shit, I still had to come to terms with my own sexuality. I gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. I thought it was sweet, but he squeaked out a “eeewww!” and he laughed. Getting off the bed and grabbing my bag again, we finally left the room.

Meeting my parents in the kitchen, they both said “Good morning Sons!” We both replied “Morning Mom and Dad.” We sat down at the table and with a bowl of cereal and orange juice. We’re like one of those families that talk while we eat, I guess we’re like a regular family where we share what we have planned for the day. I know, I know. Families laugh out loud. But everything ends and the day starts with my parents both giving us hugs and kisses good bye and the more famous “Have fun at school, kids.” Ugh, parents.

Daemon and I look at each and know that it s time for us to go school, we grab our stuff, closing the door on our way out. Locking the door, we walk to school, we don’t have to walk that far, but it’s still classified as a walk. On the walk to school we pick up our friends. First it was Jayme, my friend. I knock on his door and he opens up, looking perfect in his clothes. I have only seen him without clothes twice, I think, while growing up with him. I had a crush on him when younger, but that soon left, as I knew nothing was going to come from it. Jayme has jet black hair, cut short to where he can spike it if he chooses too. Jayme has a swimmer’s body too. But I think he looks better than anyone at school, well, except this one boy that I love to stare at most of the time. Jayme chose to wear a blue tee with something like a dragon on it in black. It matched his eyes, his are green and they make anything or anyone melt when you look too long. He wore a pair of black jean shorts, showing off his smooth legs that were strong also. His shoes were Sketchers, with a black stripe along the sides. The rest of his shoes were white. I must have had my mouth open looking at him, because the next thing I knew, he put his hand under my chin and lifted it up, to help me with my problem for the millionth time.

He grabbed his backpack and joined me in our walk to school. The next stop was Daemon’s friend’s house that was on the next block. I put an arm around Jayme’s shoulders and pulled him closer to me. I looked at him and he looked back, and then I put my head on his shoulder. I know you must think I’m crazy, but really I’m not. Jayme knows that I like guys. I think I told him in the seventh grade, when I really had a crush on him. That’s when he finally told me that he only looked at me as a friend, nothing else, but he didn’t say that he didn’t want to be friends. Jayme didn’t even get weird, what a great friend that I have. Right? I sighed out loud with contentment, but I had to remove my arm from him because we were getting closer to Daemon’s friend’s house, and since Daemon don’t know about me, I don’t want him to get weird or whatever on me, that’s the last thing I want. To tell you the truth, I wish I could tell him that I like guys. I like everything about them, I like that they know what you’re feeling, what feels good to you and him. I don’t know really, I want what every gay kid wants, a relationship. I know I should be worried about not being outed in school. But you know what? I’m not scared of people or kids at school, they are the last thing that I want to be worried about. As long as I have the greatest brother and friends, it shouldn’t bother me. Right?

Daemon went to get his friend while Jayme and I just stayed on the sidewalk. Jayme turned to me and asked the one question that I wished that he never would have asked.

“Hey, Cyrus… What’s wrong?” He looked at me like there was something wrong with me.

“What do you mean? There’s nothing wrong. I’m just thinking too much, that’s all.” I really didn’t want this conversation to be had right there behind my brother.

“It… It just seems like your thinking way more than you usually do.” He was still looking at me, and I could feel that he was worried about me; there is only one thing that you could tell your best friend to get him off your back for the now.

“OK, OK, maybe there is something I should tell you, and which I hope you can’t already guess.” I took a couple of soothing breaths before I continued to tell him what was really on my mind. I mean, he is my best friend and I really don’t want to lose him over this. “I really like this guy in school, I don’t know if he is like me or not, but Jayme, there just this feeling that something could turn into something. But I don’t just know how to, like, approach him and start like talking to him. I don’t want to be like a creepy ass person.” I bowed my head, feeling ashamed of myself. I couldn’t even tell my best friend how I really felt about a guy. I mean GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, how can this be anymore more than it really needed to be. Jayme took me into his arms when he knew that I was having a bigger problem that I was leading on to. And that’s why I call him a best friend.

A tear escaped my eye. I think he knew too, because he rubbed the back of my head. On second thought, when hasn’t Jayme ever been there for me? I should be happy. Instead, I’m almost crying on his shoulders, god I must sound like a fairy, or a limp wrist FAGGOT. Daemon came back with his friend, seeing us hugging, but I didn’t care at the moment, the only thing I saw was a sad smile. And that’s why I love my baby brother.

TBC- ‘til next time ((Hugz---Kizzes)) Remijay