Morton's Fork - 1. Morton's Fork

Morton’s Fork

“I’m dating the quarterback of the football team,” the teen said, smirking at Ben. “His name is Dez, and he’s such a stud.”

The paralegal smiled back and nodded. “That’s terrific, Clay. When did that start?”

“A few weeks ago. He finally asked me to the fall homecoming dance,” Clay said, clasping his hands in front of him excitedly. “We’ve been flirting and stuff and it happened. He’s the man of my dreams.”

“That’s awesome,” Ben said. “I hope he’s good for you.” He looked around his boyfriend’s living room nervously. He was supposed to stay with Rush for the weekend. It had shocked him when Clay Taukkala, the kid from Boy River, answered the man’s door. “When did Rush say he’d be back?”

“He’ll be here any minute,” Clay said. The boy was practically vibrating he was so wired. “So you think dating the quarterback is pretty cool?”

Ben didn’t know how to answer at first. He watched as Clay fidgeted and fretted with his hoodie zipper and peered at him nervously. “I think if he’s right for you, it’s a good thing.” It was hard figuring out what to say. The teen’s nervous behavior made him anxious.

“He’s super-hot,” Clay said, chewing his bottom lip. “I’m good looking, aren’t I?”

Ben didn’t hesitate. “Of course you are. You’re a very handsome guy, Clay.”

“Thanks,” the boy said. “You know something. I’m really lucky. Your boyfriend is the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Ben didn’t know exactly how to process this. Instead he said, “I’m happy I found him.”

The teen thought for a moment and then smiled. “Good. I’m glad.” A pause filled the room. “I’m going to my room now, I mean, the guest room.”

“Okay,” Ben said, watching as the giddy young man bounced from the room.

The teen’s presence in Rush’s house was a bit disconcerting. The last time they’d seen the boy he was either hitting on them or crying his eyes out. By the time they left him at his mom and stepdad’s house in Boy River, he’d settled down, but there was still a tension within the teen. What he’d endured was horrific, Ben recalled.

Clay had run off to the Twin Cities with his older boyfriend who in turn prostituted the boy. In fact, it had been even worse. The ‘boyfriend’ had tried to ‘turn out’ the teenager in a group sex setting. Luckily for the boy, a nosy neighbor heard screams and called the police stopping the rape. Ben knew Clay was still trying to recover from the awful situation. Apparently Rush was still helping the young man.

“Hello?” Ben heard Rush’s low, rumbled voice call from the kitchen. “Sorry I’m late.”

Ben had to catch his breath as the man entered the room grinning from ear to ear. Even after six months of dating, he still got a hitch in his chest when he saw him. “Where have you been?”

“I had a couple of interviews,” Rush said. He loosened his tie and leaned in for a kiss. “Went pretty well I think.”

“Good,” Ben said, hearing his own voice almost purr. “Have you decided what you’re going to do yet?”

“Not yet,” Rush said. “I have two options, but I don’t want to think about that right now.”

Ben watched as Rush’s face tightened with tension. He didn’t want to stress the man out more, but finding Clay here in his boyfriend’s house was bothering him. He felt the words come bursting out of him.

“You have a houseguest,” Ben said. He tried to keep his tone even.

Rush’s eyes squinted and the man tilted his head. “Are you mad?” he asked. “I told you I’ve been talking to Clay.”

Ben smiled at him. “I was looking forward to a weekend alone with you.”

“It was a last minute thing. He needed to come down for an appointment. I told him he could stay here,” Rush said, he was watching Ben closely. Finally, the man sighed and sat back in the overstuffed chair.

“It surprised me when he answered the door,” Ben said. He could see the strain wash across his boyfriend’s face. “Don’t worry about me. Is he doing okay? Are he and his mom getting along or...?”

Rush took off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. “Come into the bedroom while I change. They’re just fine.” The man gestured with his head silently toward the doorway to the guest room. “Besides, I want a real kiss from you.”

The two men didn’t get any discussions done after that. One kiss led to another, and, afterwards, they went into the kitchen to see about dinner. Clay was in there peeking into the fridge. After some discussion, they all were in the car on the way to Buster’s on Grand for the Friday night fish fry.

Afterwards, the three of them fell asleep in front of the television while Grand Hotel played in the background.

***

“Have you decided?”

“No. I guess I need to make up my mind,” Rush said flipping the hash browns. The kitchen filled with the crispy, buttery smell of freshly fried potatoes. The undernote of bacon had infused the air already. The soprano aroma of freshly brewed coffee completed the scents of morning.

“You’d be great in either job,” Ben said.The former agent’s paid suspension ended in a week, and while Rush had plenty of money saved up, he was going crazy. He’d taken up cooking as a hobby and had arranged all his books creating a kind of computerized card catalog by author, title, topic, and genre. No number of diversions had distracted the former Bureau of Criminal Apprehension agent from going stir crazy.

“I’m afraid I’d be bored running security checks for 3M,” Rush said. He bent down to retrieve the tray of bacon from the oven. A wave of hot, bacon-y goodness washed over them both. “But working at an investigative agency isn’t much more appealing. I realize these guys you told me about are good, but I don’t know about sitting in front of a house waiting for something to happen.”

Ben shook his head. “You won’t be bored. My buddy Kale said Tipton, Selig, and Foster has a steady need for an investigator questioning witnesses and doing skip traces. You met my friend Shar. She told me her firm needs someone reliable with a good nose for finding the facts. It isn’t just serving subpoenas or watching cheating spouses.”

Rush took the bacon off the tray with a fork and placed the rashers on paper towels. “I don’t know. At least with the 3M job I’ll have benefits and a steady schedule.”

Ben got out of his chair and slipped his arms around Rush’s torso. He kissed the back of his neck and whispered in his ear, “You shouldn’t worry about it so much. You aren’t alone in this decision, and if you don’t like the job, get a different one.”

Rush didn’t look up but melted into Ben’s embrace. “I know that. I mean I know it up here,” he said. “Intellectually I get this isn’t a big gamble. Here I keep feeling I’ll fail. I’m not good enough.” Rush patted his chest right above his heart.

“You’re more than good enough,” Ben said. “3M may be boring, but it is one way to go. You have good choices. The private investigating agency is similar to what you did with the BCA.”

“I don’t know,” Rush said. “Maybe.”

That’s when the phone rang.

“Hello,” Rush answered . “Oh! Hi Gail, how’re things going? Oh good. Sure, I’ll get Clay for you.”

Rush yelled out for his house guest who responded with “Just a minute!”

“Clay, it’s your mom!” he yelled back. Ben smiled to himself and began reading about the Minnesota Twins playoff chances. They were not good this year.

“What does she want?” Clay asked as he came scurrying into the room sliding on his stocking feet across the linoleum floor.

“I have no idea. Ask her yourself,” Rush said, handing him the phone. He looked over at Ben who was grinning over the newspaper. “What?”

“Nothing,” Ben said and returned to his reading.

Clay wandered into the dining room holding the receiver to his ear as Rush cracked eggs into the sizzling cast iron skillet. He seasoned them quickly and began piling hash browns and bacon on three plates. After taking out the freshly toasted bread that popped up, he put two more slices of bread in the toaster. “Do you have a busy week coming up?” he asked Ben, spreading butter on the crackling rye toast.

“Naomi has some motions I need to line up exhibits for and then I need to arrange some court reporters for depositions. It’s a pretty normal day. What’s on your agenda?” Ben asked.

“I’m going to the racketball court with Dean, and then maybe I’ll make a decision. I’m leaning toward 3M now,” Rush said. “I don’t know if I can handle being a private dick right now. Maybe it’s too soon.”

Ben scowled. “Whatever you decide, I support you. Go with what makes you happiest though.”

Rush fiddled with his spatula as he waited for the eggs to cook. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Fuck!” Clay yelled as he stormed into the kitchen. “Why now?”

“What’s wrong?” Ben and Rush asked in tandem.

“My dad’s coming to visit,” Clay barked and handed Rush his phone. “I don’t need this.”

“Are you talking about your stepdad, Chris?” Ben asked. “I thought you guys got along well.”

“Not Chris. My AWOL bio-dad has decided to come up here and ‘save’ me,” Clay said. “He told my mom it’s his turn to help out. Fuck me!”

Clay’s face was drawn and puffy. It was clear he was upset, and, instead of staying in the kitchen, he scurried the other way. Both men heard a door slam in the background.

Ben looked at Rush in confusion. “What’s that about?”

Rush scrunched his face in disgust and scooped the eggs from the pan. “Clay’s goddamn parents are a mess.” He snorted and set the plates down on the table. The former law enforcement agent suddenly looked tired as he slouched into his chair and rubbed his face.

“I thought things were going well with Clay and his mom. What changed?” Ben asked, confused. “And what’s this about his dad?”

Rush sat down and picked up a triangle of toast. “It’s not really his parents, though they aren’t helping the situation. It’s Clay. He’s started lying about everything. It’s gotten so bad his mom called me and started crying. They’re not even lies that make sense.”

Ben didn’t say anything at first. He watched as his boyfriend attempted to contain his emotions. Finally he reached over and took his hand.

“Start from the beginning,” he said. “Tell me all of it.”

Rush looked at him sideways and bit into his toast. “I don’t know all the details especially now that Clay’s loser father is suddenly in the picture. I can tell you…just a minute.” The man shook his head determinedly, “I have to talk to Clay first.”

Rush got out of his seat and raced across the kitchen to the hallway. Ben started to rise as the man left and opened his mouth. His boyfriend’s behavior was starting to scare him a little. Rush’s attachment to Clay seemed unusually strong. Now the teen was here during their weekend together. Sure, he and Rush spent a lot of time together, but once a month they would be together from Friday afternoon until Monday morning. Ben relished these weekends and now they had a grumpy teenager to contend with.

Ben felt bad for the kid. Sure, he was recovering from some bad circumstances. Rush had kept him up to speed with Clay’s progress with counselors and at school. He seemed to have gotten past his personal history troubles and was thriving.

Rush told Ben he talked to Clay once a week. Was that all it was? Or were Rush and Clay both struggling with daddy issues? Or was Rush obsessed with the boy? Ben’s mind swirled with questions and a few frightening images.

Rush had trust and abandonment issues. Clay had a distant, absent father and a manipulative, abusive ex-boyfriend. Had their common problems drawn them together? Perhaps Clay had fallen in love with Rush and the older man couldn’t resist. Ben shook his head. That was crazy, but it would explain so much.

“Sorry about that,” Rush said as he returned. “I had to get Clay’s permission.”

“Permission?” Ben asked, a little more gruffly than he meant to.

“To talk to you about him,” Rush said, sitting down in his place and pushing his breakfast plate to one side. “I promised Clay I wouldn’t talk about him unless he said it was okay.”

“What’s going on, Rush?” Ben asked. “Why is Clay really here, and what is his deal?”

Rush sighed and leaned back. “I can see this is going to be difficult.”

Ben mouth went dry. He swallowed and blinked at the other man. “What’s up with you two?”

Rush took a deep breath and leaned forward. “I made a commitment to Clay. I’ll tell you the same thing I told him. I love you, and I love him, but in different ways.”

“Are you and he…?”

Rush squinted at Ben, looking confused. Suddenly his eyes flew open and he said, “Not like that. Good God, no, Ben. I promised to be his friend and never forget about him. We’re not-” his head shook vehemently. “-No. I’m not interested in him like that and neither is he.”

Ben felt a surge of relief wash through his body. “Okay. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay. I understand.” Rush sat back and grabbed his glass of juice. “He needed a friend who understands what he’s going through. I never went through what he did, but I get him. He’s been having problems and they all came crashing down on him this week.” Rush stopped talking and looked at Ben for an acknowledgement. Ben nodded and smiled at him.

“The first time Clay called me after we dropped him off, he had trouble telling me things. It concerned me so I, well, I went back up to Boy River and talked with him,” Rush said. “I’m sorry I never told you about it, but I didn’t know how to. Clay didn’t want anyone to know about how he was struggling with things. I respected his privacy.”

Ben crooked his neck, looking askew at Rush. “So what’s changed? How is it Clay is here and you can talk about him to me?”

Rush reached over and took Ben’s hand. He pulled it to his mouth and gently kissed his knuckles. “I can tell you because I told Clay about how I want to spend my life with you. I promised I’d always be there for him, and so you needed to know.”

Ben felt his face grow hot. “Are you proposing to me, Rush?”

“Not today. You won’t have to wait much longer though,” Rush said softly.

Ben grasped Rush’s hand even more tightly and beamed at the other man. “Just so you know, the answer would be yes.”

“Good,” Rush said. He let go of Ben’s hand and sat back in the chair.

“So, what’s going on with Clay?” Ben asked, leaning forward.

Rush cleared his throat and rubbed his face. “He was doing really well, at first. He went to counseling and talked to a social worker. He was accepted at school, and he was getting along with his mother and stepfather, Chris, and then it went bad. I’m not exactly sure what was said, but Clay stopped talking to his counselor and wouldn’t see the social worker unless he had to.”

“Did Clay tell you what happened?” Ben asked.

“Sort of,” Rush said. “Apparently the counselor told his mother something he said in session. The social worker also mentioned something he said to his stepfather.”

“He doesn’t trust them anymore,” Ben said shaking his head.

“No,” Rush said. “That’s when the lying started.”

“The lying?”

“Yeah, he started lying all the time about everything, even things that can’t be,” Rush said.

“Like what?”

“When Gail told him to do his chores or finish his homework, Clay told her he had a date with Garrett,” Rush explained. “Even though his ex-boyfriend is still in jail, Clay taunted his mother with the idea of seeing him again.”

“Why would he tell his mother he was still seeing that piece of shit, Garrett Finley?” Ben asked. “It’s crazy.”

“It is,” Rush said. “I confronted him and he doesn’t know why he says things like that. He gets stressed or upset and starts telling stories.”

“I don’t understand why he’d do that to himself,” Ben said. “I wonder…so his story about dating the quarterback is probably a lie too.”

Rush shook his head. “I’ve been doing a lot of reading about these kids who are abused, and it’s not unusual for them to invent fantasies. They do it to make themselves feel better.”

“I can see that. But why talk about Finley to his mother?”

“I think he’s lashing out at her. He feels she betrayed his trust, and he’s punishing her.”

Ben watched as Rush’s face became more and more troubled. “Is he doing it on purpose?”

“No,” Rush said immediately. “Clay denies trying to hurt anyone. He can’t control himself, he said. Then he feels even worse and withdraws to his room. He’s flunking school and not speaking with anyone. All the other kids avoid him.”

“Did Clay tell you that?” Ben asked.

Rush shook his head. “No, Gail and Chris told me. That’s when I called and arranged for him to stay this week with me.”

“Yeah, so why is he really here?”

“To see another counselor. I called the guy who worked with the Cambodian girls I told you about, the ones who’d been sex trafficked. He’s acting as a kind of consultant to see what Clay needs to start healing,” Rush explained. “That’s probably why his father called today.”

“You called his deadbeat dad?” Ben asked, incredulous.

“I didn’t call him. Clay’s been talking to him since he returned home,” Rush said. “His father lives in Pensacola now. He just moved there from Alabama.”

“It sounds like he’s coming up for a visit,” Ben said, pulling his stone cold plate of eggs and hash browns closer. “Clay doesn’t sound the least bit excited.”

“Yeah. It doesn’t sound like he’s too happy about it, but it’s strange too. Clay’s been talking about his dad more lately. He’s trying to build a relationship with the guy.” Rush stopped and looked at Ben with a confused look on his face. “So why is he so upset?”

Ben picked up a slice of bacon and gestured with it. “Sounds like Clay’s upset in general at everything.”

“I think you’re more right than you know,” Rush said. “That’s what scares me so much.”

****

“You have a very nice home,” Clay’s father said, looking around at the bare walls of Rush’s living room. He wandered over to the Ikea bookshelf loaded with paperbacks and perused the titles. “You like reading I see.”

“I do,” Rush said. “I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately, mostly psychology.”

“Oh yeah?” Owen Taukkala said.

Rush returned the stare, and Clay’s father’s eyes dropped. “I appreciate all your help with him. It isn’t your worry though.”

“It is. I promised him,” Rush said a little too loudly. “He needed someone in his corner.”

“It was good of you to help, but I’m here now. I’m ready to step up and be the father he needs.”

“Maybe…yeah,” Rush said. Ben watched the two men posture and circle each other. It was like watching a couple of stags getting ready to battle. Both men were stiff and awkward in their own skins.

“Clay’s mom will be here any minute. Can I get you something to drink?” the paralegal finally asked, breaking the tense quiet.

“Water would be fine,” Owen answered. His voice was raspy. He cleared his throat and his shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry about my tone. This has been really hard. First Clay goes missing for over a year, and now he seems to be falling to pieces. I feel guilty.”

Ben saw Rush was trying to contain his annoyance. He grimaced and nodded his head. “It must be hard for a father.”

“I haven’t been around much,” Owen said and returned to looking at the tattered paperbacks. He pulled one from the case and fingered the spine. “But I’m turning over a new leaf…for Clay’s sake.”

“I’ll get you that water,” Ben said. “Rush, can I get you anything?”

Rush broke his focus on the other man and smiled at his boyfriend. “Water’s fine for me also.”

“Okay,” Ben said. He headed toward the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Clay passed him in the hall. “That must be your mom.”

“Yeah,” Clay said. His hair was still damp from the shower and his t-shirt stuck to his chest. The teen looked nervously at Ben and tried to smile. The attempt was less than successful.

“It’s going to be okay, Clay,” Ben said.

“I doubt it,” Clay said.

Ben watched as Clay shuffled slowly into the living room like he was an old man or walking towards death row.

Ben shivered away a sense of impending doom and went to the kitchen door. He opened it and smiled at the man and woman standing there. Gail Hardwick was flicking her cigarette ashes into the bush next to the side door. Her dishwater blonde hair was tied back and still managed to look limp and lifeless. Her smile was so like her son’s it was creepy.

“Thanks for having us,” the man said. Chris, Gail’s husband, was a big, beefy man in a sweat stained oxford shirt with grease smears and a pair of worn blue jeans. He looked happier than his wife, which wasn’t surprising. He reached out to Ben and shook his hand heartily.

“Is Owen already here?” Gail asked in a hushed tone.

“He is. Come in. Clay and Rush are with him in the living room. What can I get you to drink?” Ben asked.

“A whiskey sour would be nice,” Chris said. “Just kidding. I’ll take a Coke if you got one.”

“I’ll have one too,” Gail said. Her voice trembled so badly it almost sounded like a warbler.

“Go through that doorway and the living room is at the end of the hall,” Ben explained, pointing the way. “I’ll be right behind you with the drinks.”

As he put ice into the glasses, Ben thought about the scenario playing out in the living room. In his job he saw these types of events play out all the time. It was bizarre thinking about how he was a participant in this drama. Hell, he had been a witness to the beginning of this boy’s agonizing reconnection with his family. In fact, he was the one who had connected Rush with Clay in the first place. They never would have met if he hadn’t taken his boyfriend on the road trip to return the boy to his mother and stepfather. How ironic and bizarre this was.

Ben filled the glasses with water and turned to head into the living room. His last thought before he went into the room was, ‘This isn’t my fault. I was just doing my job.’ He took a deep breath and pushed into the room through the door. It felt like there was something nagging at him like he had started all this and now was a part of something he couldn’t stop.

“I think a change of location would do the boy some good. Clay can make some new friends who don’t know about all the bullshit he’s been through,” Owen Taukkala said, wagging his finger. Ben noticed the man’s eyes were trained on Rush, flashing with anger and annoyance.

“He needs security and someone to trust,” Rush snarled. “Can you give him that?”

“No,” Gail said. She wouldn’t look at her ex-husband. “Owen can’t be relied on.”

“I’ve changed,” the man retorted. He rubbed his face vigorously and sighed. “I’ve started going to meetings and I haven’t gambled in at least two years.”

“Really?” Gail asked, her voice sharply accusing. “So, when your son was missing, you weren’t in the casinos playing blackjack? I don’t believe it. Besides, you won’t accept him anyway.”

All eyes turned to Owen whose face flashed between a series of emotional responses. Finally, his shoulders slumped and he nodded his head in defeat. “I didn’t understand it at first. But, I get it, son. I really do.” The man looked up at Clay.

“What does that mean?” the boy asked, looking at his mother.

Gail scowled in disgust and grabbed her purse. She took out a pack of cigarettes and put one in her mouth. Rush shook his head at her. Her husband grabbed the smoke out of her mouth and nodded toward the front door.

“Fuck!” she exclaimed and put the cigarette back into the pack. She turned to Clay and said, “When you went missing and I told your father why he, well, he…he wasn’t very understanding.”

Clay’s mouth dropped open. “Dad? Do you hate me?”

“Of course not,” Owen said quickly. “Your mom over-reacts to everything.”

“So you didn’t say it was a good thing he was gone?” Gail hissed angrily. “Because I remember that conversation quite well. It’s burned into my memory.”

Owen shook his head and groaned, actually groaned. His head dropped into his hands, and then he looked over at his son. “I was an ignorant fuck, Clay. I’ve got my head on straight now.”

“Dad?” Clay asked, his voice quivering. His face was red, and a tear trickled down his cheek.

“Maybe we should take a break,” Rush interrupted. He started to stand until Owen lifted his hand to stop him.

“I’ll tell him the truth. Clay, at first I was pretty upset to hear you were gay, so I didn’t react well. But then I talked with some people and got my head on straight. Your mother just wants to cause problems,” Owen said. “I love you and want to help.”

“That’s not what you said a year ago,” Gail said. “You wrote him off, and now you are here saying you’ll help him. I don’t believe it.”

She rushed to the front door and stomped outside, slamming the door behind her. Ben and Rush watched as Chris followed, flashing an apologetic look as he stepped out after his sobbing wife.

Clay fell back in the sofa and wiped his face. Rush leaned over and put his arm around his shoulders whispering to him. Clay shook his head and glared over at his father.

“I swear. I’ve changed my mind about you. I didn’t understand, that’s all,” Owen pleaded with the teenager.

Clay pulled away from Rush’s embrace and leaned towards his father. “Is it because I’m gay or because I’m a whore that you hated me?” he yelled.

Owen was taken aback at his son’s question. “I…I never hated you Clay. I was mixed up.”

Clay crossed his arms and fell back into the couch. “What did you say to Mom when I was away?”

Owen cleared his throat, “I said some stupid things but I know better now. My boss set me straight again.”

“What did your boss say?” Clay asked. His voice whined like a hurt little boy. His face was a bright magenta, and he was eying his father very carefully.

“My boss is a dy…a lesbian. She explained to me how wrong I was about you. She helped me figure out I didn’t really feel there was anything wrong with you. Now I want to help.” Clay’s father sighed. “Can you forgive me?”

Clay didn’t answer at first. Then his head slowly and slightly nodded yes. Rush and Ben looked at each other with relief. The moment had passed.

“Thank you. So, can we start again?” the man asked. “I know you’re struggling.”

“I’m fine,” Clay said, but the look on his face was anything but. “I’m having trouble in school though.”

“He also can’t tell the truth,” Gail said coming in through the kitchen door. “He does it deliberately to hurt me.”

“Mom, I don’t, really,” Clay whined. “I get messed up sometimes.”

“Just like your father,” Gail barked. “You’ve changed so much. You’re nothing like the sweet guy who used to help me in the kitchen and loved school. Now you’re sullen, mean, and spiteful.” Gail began crying again, and Chris embraced her from behind.

Nobody knew what to say. The tension which had eased was back. Ben stood up and moved to sit next to Rush. Gail and Chris sat down in his place as she slowly pulled herself together.

“I think Clay should come home with me to Florida,” Owen said, breaking the hush. “That way he can have a fresh start. No one needs to know about his past or even that he’s gay. He can finish up school and figure out what to do with his life.”

“Clay needs to come back home and be a better person,” Gail said, dabbing at her eyes. “Running away isn’t going to help him.”

“Maybe we should give him the decision,” Rush said quietly. “Let him talk with Owen, and see if they can work something out. Otherwise, he needs to go back to Boy River.”

Clay grunted. “Not much of a choice.”

“Son, I, well, we love you very much. We only want what’s best for you,” Owen said. “I think Mr. Romer’s idea is a good one.”

After a long pause, Clay said, “I guess.”

“Maybe going with your dad would be a new beginning for you,” Gail said softly. “We don’t know what to do anymore.”

Ben watched as the father, mother, and son struggled to keep it together. He felt his heart ache for them. Clay didn’t have much of a choice.

***

“So which job are you going to take?” Ben asked. It had been three days since his interviews with the security agency and the private detective firm, and both had offered Rush positions.

“I don’t know,” Rush said taking a drink of his Coke. They were sitting in Rush’s backyard at the picnic table watching some sparrows play in the bird bath. Ben showed up after Rush called to give him the ‘good news’ as he put it. “It would have been easier to decide if only one offered me a position.”

“You’re good at what you do,” Ben said. “Of course they both want you.”

“I can’t decide if detecting is what I want to do or making contingency plans is more my speed.”

“You can do either one,” Ben said. He was a bit confused by Rush’s inability to make up his mind. But then again, Rush lost the only job he’d ever wanted, an agent with the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension. Since he was a college student, it was the only job his boyfriend ever dreamed of achieving. Losing his position had destroyed his ego and sense of balance. Ever since, Rush had been floating through life adrift.

“I think the private investigator position is more what I was doing before. But, it would be nice to have the regular hours and pay of 3M.”

“Do you want to make a list?” Ben asked. “Maybe if you do a pro and con list for each job, it will become clear.”

“Maybe,” Rush said, squinting at his boyfriend. “I’ve done it before, and it didn’t work.”

Ben shook his head and looked around. “I was going to ask, what did Clay decide to do?”

Rush smirked. “He’s as indecisive as me. He’s down at Minnehaha Creek Park with his dad right now still trying to make up his mind.”

“Have you gotten a sense of which way Clay’s leaning?” Ben asked.

“Honestly I don’t. He doesn’t really trust his dad yet, and he’s still mad at his mom. Neither of them are the perfect choice that’s for sure,” Rush said.

“Too bad he’s not old enough to be on his own yet,” Ben said. “Don’t you have to be seventeen to be emancipated?”

“You need a means of supporting yourself,” Rush said. “And I don’t think the boy’s ready to be on his own. He needs guidance.”

Ben fiddled with a napkin. “That’s too bad. I feel sorry for him.”

“I do too,” Rush said. He grabbed Ben’s hand. “I wish I could decide which job I want. Maybe you could pick for me.”

“No way am I going to do that,” Ben said laughing. “You know, it doesn’t have to be either 3M or the investigative agency. You could look elsewhere if you wanted. It’s not true you only have the two choices.”

Rush stopped rubbing the condensation from his pop can. “You’re right. It’s not really either one or the other is it?”

“Not really,” Ben said.

His words would haunt him later on.

***

“Is this place we’re going really a gay high school?” Clay asked, nervously looking over at Rush.

“No, it’s not a ‘gay’ high school. It’s an affirming high school where a majority of the students are gay,” Rush said, smiling at the teen. “Frank said they will help you deal with things better.”

“So all the students are crazy like me?” Clay asked. Rush saw the teen had a grin on his face though.

“No. I don’t think anyone is as much of a character as you are,” the man said.

Clay laughed. “Yeah, we’re both a couple of characters.”

Both of them chuckled for a few minutes. Ever since Rush offered to let Clay stay with him and go to school in Minneapolis, things had been changed dramatically. Rush decided to open his own private investigation agency and take the kinds of clients and cases he wanted. Clay was being honest with Rush and the older man was finally feeling in control of his life.

“I’m sorry though, you know that, right?” Clay said after a few moments.

“It’s not your fault,” Rush said. “I told you not to blame yourself.”

“The reason Ben dumped you was because of me,” Clay said. “It’s because of me--”

“Stop it.” Rush said sharply. “First of all, Ben didn’t dump me. He’s taking some time away from us to clear his head. Second, I promised you I’d be there for you and I meant it. Ben understands it. He just needs some space.”

“I feel bad, but I have to admit things are going better now,” Clay said. “I don’t have those dark urges anymore.”

“Good,” Rush said. “If you start thinking bad things about yourself, you’ll tell me, right?”

“I promise,” Clay said. After a moment, he looked over at the older man and said, “You know, you’re more of a dad to me than my father.”

“Your father loves you, and so does your stepfather,” Rush said.

“Not like you do,” Clay said, almost whispering. “My father hasn’t been around and doesn’t know me, not like you do. And Chris was always there, but he wouldn’t go out of his way for me.”

“You’re a good kid, and you needed a second chance,” Rush said, his voice becoming thick. “I’m just doing the right thing.”

“You gave up Ben for me,” Clay choked out. “I hope he realizes what he’s missing.”

“Ben will be back,” Rush said, forcing a smile on his face. “He loves me.” But the last words they had exchanged haunted him.

“He’s in love with you. The boy wants you,” Ben yelled, his fists clenched tightly at his sides.

“He’s not,” Rush pleaded. “He needs time and help to heal.”

“I can’t believe you’d choose him over me,” Ben said. “You can’t live with a mess like him. He’ll drag you down.”

“Ben, I’m not picking him over you. I love you, not Clay. I just can’t let the kid live with a mother who stresses him or a father who abandoned him. I didn’t pick him over you,” Rush said, reaching out to touch his boyfriend.

Ben shrugged off the other man’s hand. “I’m telling you, that little shit is in love with you. I can’t believe you don’t see it.”

“He’s not in love with me. Clay looks up to me,” Rush said, stepping closer.

Ben backed away, holding his hands out in front of him. “You don’t get it. That kid is poison.”

“He’s a kid,” Rush said. “Don’t say that.”

“Rush, you chose him over me. I can’t do this. I can’t,” Ben said. He turned and left.

Clay smiled back. Rush looked ahead and blinked the tears from his eyes. He really didn’t think Ben was coming back. It was over, and he’d made his choice. Rush could only feel a cold draft coming from the other side of the bed. He didn’t feel any hope was left now. But he did have Clay. The kid wasn’t poison. He was just a troubled boy.