Chapter 30

It had been a little strange climbing into the bed together last night for the first time—well, at least starting out the night together. I felt gangly and awkward standing in my night shirt in front of Ash after changing in the bathroom, and he seemed to sense my nervousness. He'd dressed in a pair of soft sleep pants, but his chest was gloriously bare.

When he had grabbed up the book he'd been reading to me and crawled into the bed, propping himself up against the headboard, I'm sure I'd stared at him in shock.

"How about I read a little bit, amari?" he'd said. "I think I need a good story to take my mind off of Charlie and Gerard."

He'd chuckled as I nodded but didn't move. I finally managed to get my frozen legs to work and climbed in on the edge of the bed. He patted the bed next to him, urging me closer. I'd slowly tucked myself against his side as he read the next chapter. He'd done nothing more than hold me last night, except kiss me breathless, before we turned out the lamp.

I think I lay awake for at least another hour, fully expecting him to take me, to fully claim me. I know my heart thudded in my chest as I had waited anxiously. My stomach fluttered in a strange mix of desire and anticipation, but also fear and worry. I'd only known Barrett's touch in that way before. I had expected Ash would want me in the same way.

It was strange: I wanted him, we'd already been together intimately. And I had enjoyed his touch, trusting him as I had never trusted anyone before. But that night, it had been a surprise, and I hadn't had time to worry about being hurt. Now... now... he was already here, in the bed with me, and we could have... touched... each other anytime we wanted. He could have possessed me, and I would have let him.

Yet he hadn't.

Well, that wasn't exactly true. He had curled around me, pulling me against him. He had nuzzled at my neck for several moments before settling down, his breaths evening out. There was no doubt I was his.

So, when I woke this morning curled up and cold, no warm blanket of Ash covering me, I had a moment of panic. Where was he? Had I kicked him in the middle of the night and he'd left? Had something happened to drag him away—

I rolled to find Ash sprawled on his stomach on the other side of the bed. The breath rushed out of me in relief. I chastised myself for missing his hold. The man had spent years in the bed by himself—at least, that's what I wanted to believe. I suspected he was usually a stomach sleeper. He had practically lain on top of me when he held me.

I hadn't slept well, as I'd been waiting for him to do something more than just sleep, so I found I was still edgy. I rolled to my side, a little irritated that he was still sleeping so peacefully. I stared at him, practically boring holes in his back as he lay there, silently urging him to wake up.

Nothing. And watching the lines of his back shift subtly with each breath did not help my anxiety. I'd never felt so aroused by anyone before. Ash barely had to look at me with his intense cinnamon eyes, like he wanted to kiss me all over, and I was filled with desire. Barrett had sometimes tried to force my arousal, demand it, and I usually felt ashamed and humiliated when he'd managed to coax me to orgasm. Until now, I'd always found sex agonizing, something to dread.

I'd had a glimpse now that it could be nice, pleasurable. Ash had shown me that. I realized suddenly why I'd been so anxious last night. I wanted Ash to erase those memories of Barrett's oppression, to prove I was right to trust in him, to believe in him.

And he was just laying there.

I flopped onto my back with a huff. Maybe I should just go take a cool bath. It was barely light out, but laying here wasn't helping my mood—

"Kye?"

My eyes shot back open to see Ash propped up on one elbow. Damn, I hadn't even felt him move.

"Are you well?" His voice was husky with sleep still.

"Yes, si—" I cut myself off, took a breath and started over. "Yes, Ash, I'm fine. Just still a little tired."

He rolled, his hand cupping the curve of my waist to drag me into him. His light kiss brushed across my forehead, another dropping to my nose. I lifted my chin to meet those lips, urging them just a bit lower. I was rewarded with a deeper kiss, his tongue sweeping the roof of my mouth. I found my hand desperate to grab onto him to keep him in place, seeking a grip in a nightshirt that wasn't there. Instead, I was clumsily stroking over the taut muscles I'd been thinking about most of the night.

"Well, good morning to you too." Ash smiled down at me as he braced both his hands on the bed next to my head.

I realized he wasn't touching me back. My gaze drifted uncertainly to the expanse of bronze skin hovering close. It was perfect, flawless. He was gorgeous with or without clothes.

And I... wasn't.

Fucking hell. My eyes blurred as I realized why he'd been distant last night, when all I'd wanted was for him to finish claiming me as his. I was broken, flawed, disfigured. Maybe he'd had second thoughts about wanting someone so damaged.

I tried to curl up, only to be stopped by his deep rumbling voice. "Don't."

I stopped, trying to relax back into the bed, but I couldn't.

He lifted on hand to grip my chin to force me to look at him, to face his deep frown. "What are you thinking in that over-active brain of yours?"

"Nothing, si—Ash."

"Now I know something is wrong. You're slipping back into trying to call me sir again, and you've only been doing that when you're really nervous or upset. So what is it?"

"It's nothing really. It's not important."

"Well, it's important enough to upset you, so let it out. You aren't moving from this bed until you do."

I gaped up at him. Surely he was joking. I knew he had so much to do today preparing for the Lord Chancellor's visit, going over Charlie and Lady DeLyle's 'evidence' papers, dealing with Gerard.

"You have too much to do to keep me trapped in the bed."

The grin that spread across his lips was slow and sardonic, and I began to think maybe I'd underestimated him. "While yes, there are things that need to be done before the Chancellor arrives, Liam and Row are perfectly capable of doing it without me if necessary. The Chancellor, however, will want to meet with me at some point for my statement." He paused dramatically, and his evil smile had me even more worried. "And he'll need your statement. I suppose he could come here and take both our statements from right here... in our bed."

What! He wouldn't!

Yet the intense stare he was giving me, along with his arched brow, had me doubting his sanity. While I might be fairly certain he wouldn't do that, there was a tiny part of me that knew he might—just to find out what was bothering me.

I turned my head so I wouldn't have to look at him. "I'm just sorry I'm not enough."

"Enough?" That had Ash pulling back to the full length of his arm, staring at me as if I had grown two heads. "Enough for what?"

"Enough for you," I whispered.

"Fazito teh zios," he cursed softly. "What makes you think that, after all we've done, all we've said?"

"You... you... didn't want me," I mumbled. "You're so beautiful, and I know I'm—I'm... not..."

"First, I think you're fucking beautiful," Ash cut in. "A little on the lean side, but a few more of Rebecca's meals will fill you out nicely. Secondly, I have no idea why you would think I wouldn't want you."

"We didn't—you didn't... take me... last night," I choked out softly. "You must—"

"Take?" Strangely, Ash seemed lost, confused. It was several seconds before he managed to piece together what I was implying apparently because his face suddenly lightened with understanding.

And laughter.

"Kye, Kye, Kye, teh dulchine amari, you are so very, very wrong. I want you more than you could ever know," Ash said, his eyes growing heated. "Can you not feel my need for you?"

He shifted his hips and I could feel his hard length pressing against my thigh. I'm surprised he could feel mine poking up at him through my nightshirt, but maybe he was shifted to far to the side.

"But... last night... we didn't... you just read and-and went to sleep."

"Oh, Stubborn, you should have said something if you were feeling this way. Of course I wanted you. Reading was the only think I could think of to stop myself from climbing on top of you last night. I didn't want you to feel pressured. Our first night going to bed together, and you looked so nervous and worried... I didn't want to upset you, to hurt you—emotionally or... physically."

"You... what?"

"I was afraid you might not be ready for more. You looked so anxious... I just thought you were having second thoughts about making love... especially after all Barrett put you through. I thought you'd need time..."

His cinnamon eyes searched my face, seeking answers I hope he found in my smile. I touched a hand to his cheek. "I needed you to erase those memories, to erase the pain, and make new memories."

He grasped my hand on his jaw, gripping it strongly and kissing the palm as his eyes glittered with unshed tears. "Gods, Kye, I'm so sorry..."

He wrapped his arms so tight around me I could barely breathe, and I suddenly felt foolish for doubting his need for me, his want. Abruptly, he pulled back and dug under the sheets. I wondered what he was doing until I felt him grasp the bottom of my nightshirt and whip it up off over my head. As I bounced back on the bed, I instinctively tried to hide.

He stopped me with one large hand spanning my thin chest. When he pinned my hands to the side to keep them from covering my body, I had a moment of panic. Yet, he only stared into my eyes, calming me with the love and devotion I saw blooming in his.

When he leaned over, offering a soft kiss, I felt my cock twitch, barely covered by the sheet across my hips. "Teh dulchine amari..." he whispered as he kissed down to my throat, then licking a line down the hollow of my chest.

Oh, hell, had I just arched into it? Was that plaintive whimper from me?

"My sweet love," he repeated, this time in a language I was more familiar with. But I was becoming quite adept at interpreting his occasional lapses into Tajeno or whatever Barrett had said that language was called. I'd learned some with Barrett, but never words like the ones Ash used when we were alone like this.

Oh, oh, Gods! He circled my belly button with his tongue as he slid over to my hipbone.

"You are beautiful. Your scars do not mar your beauty, they enhance it, amari," he murmured as he kissed along the pale scar wrapping my side, just above my hip, from Barrett's whip snaking around to take a bite out of my skin. "They show how strong you are, how much you endured and yet still survived."

A sobbing whimper bubbled up my throat, a release of my emotional pain, as my mind latched onto his words and held on. I didn't feel strong, but he believed I was. He believed in me. Maybe one day... I could believe in me too.

"Oh, Gods, Ash!" I bolted nearly upright when a warm, moist mouth engulfed my hardened length in one swallow. I'd never felt anything like it before. Oh, Gods, it was—

My heart raced as I panicked. What was he doing? He shouldn't be doing this! He's a viscount! And I'm... I'm just...

Oh fucking hell! I flopped back, arching and wriggling under him, a slave to the thrilling sensations Ash was tormenting me with. Gods, why could I get my body to stop moving, thrusting? I had to stop—

"A..a..sh..." I finally stammered. "S-st-stop."

He slid off just to the tip, just enough to ask, "Why, my stubborn little Kye, why should I stop?"

I could practically hear the satisfied smile in his voice, knowing he was wrenching such raw emotions from me. "N-no. You shouldn't—it isn't right... I should—"

"What? Get all the fun? I think not." With a devilish grin, he buried me again deep in his throat, then retreated just enough to tease my hardened flesh with his tongue.

Gods, I couldn't think! Not with him doing that! My hands fisted the sheets. Fun? How could he say he was having fun? I never had when I'd been forced to—

Another long slide up my slender length had me losing my thoughts again, groaning as he hummed happily.

Wait...

Maybe that was the difference. He wanted to. I lifted my head enough to see the look of joy and pleasure on his face as he edged me closer to release.

Oh Gods, that was it! "Ash!" I shouted in warning, as my hips thrust involuntarily. I'd expected him to pull back, but when he dove deeper, I crashed over the edge.

White lights exploded behind my closed eyelids as Ash wrung my orgasm from me, swallowing and then licking until I'd softened and felt oversensitive.

"Oh Gods," I breathed, still unable to wrap my mind around what Ash had done, what he'd just given me.

I felt the bed vibrating slightly next to me as Ash swept his tongue back up my belly, nipping and biting lightly at my skin. I lifted my head to see Ash's face lost in the rapture of his own approaching orgasm as he quickly jerked himself to completion.

I attempted to move. I really did. I wanted to do for him what he'd done for me, but my body was so ridiculously languid and boneless at the moment, I couldn't muster the energy. Within moments, with a guttural cry, I felt Ash's hot seed hit my belly. His head hit my shoulder in exhaustion.

I wrapped my arm behind him, slipping my fingers in his soft chestnut waves, slightly damp now with exertion.

"I love you," I whispered to the top of his head.

He shifted enough to smile up at me. "I love you, too. And, don't you ever forget it."

I laughed. No, I certainly wouldn't.

We lay there, entwined, for what seemed like hours. I think I might have even dozed off.

A knock awakened us. A soft call through the door from Amelia, "My lords. Mister Liam has sent me up to let you know that the Lord Chancellor's party is approaching. Mister Donnelly rode ahead to announce their arrival."

"Thank you, Amelia," Ash called back through the door. "We'll be ready shortly. Did Donnelly give an estimated time?"

"About an hour, sir."

"Very good. Can you have Rebecca send up a tray, please?"

"Yes, of course, my lord."

"Thank you."

Ash rolled to his back, stretching. "Guess it's time to get moving."

I nodded, sliding off the side of the bed, grabbing at my discarded nightshirt to wrap haphazardly around my hips. "Yes, I need to clean up first. You left a little bit of a mess here." I waved at the smear on my stomach.

He smirked at me, not hiding the fact that he was watching my mostly-naked body retreat to the bathing room. "At least I cleaned up the other mess."

I turned enough to glare at him. "That's not something you should have done."

"Why not?"

"B-Because you're a viscount! An aristocrat! They don't do that!" I blurted out, my face reddening.

He was frowning as he climbed out of the bed and took me by the shoulders. "That's ridiculous. My station doesn't dictate what gives me pleasure, or how I choose to give it. With you, I'm only Ash. I'm just a man who is in love with the man who stole my heart." He paused as I bit at my lip, a slight crease of worry marked the spot between his brows. "You did enjoy it, didn't you?"

"That's not the point," I mumbled

"Oh, I think it's the only point," he chuckled as he drew me closer, tucking me against him, his hands sliding over my scarred back.

I shivered under his touch, my argument fading quickly. "But—"

"No, if I enjoyed it and you did too, then that's all that matters. I do what pleases me, and hopefully please you as well." Ash nudged my head back so he could kiss me, chasing away all my objections.

"Well, I owe you one then," I grumbled as I stepped in the bathing room.

"Only if it pleases you, too," Ash countered.

I paused. I'd never liked taking Barrett like that, mostly because I'd been forced and had no control over it. I imagined slowly torturing Ash with my tongue like he'd just done to me, making him writhe with need while I hold his hips still...

I nodded with a slow smile. Yes, I was fairly certain it would please me, too.