Chapter 38

"—drink, please—"

Huh? I tried to pry open my eyes, but they didn't want to work yet. I felt my head lifted, and it just wobbled in the hand holding it until they tightened their fist. The movement jostled nerve endings, sending an acute pain from somewhere. Fuck, that hurt! Why the hell were they waking me? I was just fine asleep and blissfully unaware of that blazing ache. I wasn't even sure I could breathe right anymore. It felt so hard to drag in a breath now. Soft and shallow...

"Try to get him to drink a little; his body needs to replenish all the blood he lost. Hmm, looks like he does feel some pain. The drug must be wearing off."

Cool liquid was at my lips, the edge of the cup prying my mouth open. Water flooded my mouth and I nearly choked before I managed to swallow some.

"Reth! Reth, calm down. You're shaking. Let me have the cup." The cup was back at my lips, but I just wanted to go back to sleep. "Please, amari. Please, drink..."

Well, hell, I couldn't ignore Ash's despondent begging. Even though I didn't have any desire to fight for more consciousness, I did manage to reflexively swallow several sips, the cool fluid trickling down my parched throat.

Gods, that was tiring work... now, if they'd just let me sleep...

****

"—shouldn't he be awake by now?"

So warm... nice and warm... soft... AAAHHH Fucking hell! That trickle of pain filtering through my arm again, threatening to steal my peaceful sleep. Just let go...

"—lost a lot of blood, it will take some time." Damn doctor. Stop talking... "We'll try to wake him again in another hour to see if we can get more water in him."

Noooo, no water, just sleep...

"But he's going to be fine, right?" Gods couldn't Tareth be quieter.

Ahh, there's some silence. Thank you.

"Reth, please stop." Ash. And he was so close, yet he sounded so forlorn, I could feel his breath on my cheek.

"Shouldn't you be demanding these answers, sir?" Reth snapped. I couldn't figure out why he was so angry, but I wished he'd go rant somewhere else. Even though my body still felt floaty, listening to them forced my brain to wake too much—and with that came more searing pain.

"Reth, don't. We're doing our best here. Just... just give him a little more t-time." Hearing Ash stumble over the last word had me worried about what he was concerned about, he sounded so distressed, almost... broken. His lips brushed my cheek. "Please give us more time, amari."

I sighed contentedly, shifting my head closer.

"He moved!" Gods Tareth stop yelling. "He just moved his head."

"He did," Ash said to someone else, his voice firmer. Seriously, why were they so distressed?

"Let's get some more water in him."

But I'm not ready to wake up! Just let me sleep...

"Teh dulchine, please, please take a sip," the fractured edge to his voice had me opening my mouth, wanting to please him, to fix what made him sound so sad.

"What if he never fully wakes up? What if he's stuck like father, just lying there, dying?!"

Dying? Father? Did Tareth think I was dying? Surely he knew I just wanted to sleep. I tried to open my eyes to reassure him, but damn my eyelids were heavy. Even fighting to do that woke more pain in my head and my arm. Not worth it...

"Reth, please don't," Ash's voice cracked. "I have to believe he'll be well. There were so many mistakes..." he mumbled incoherently against my cheek. "So much blood... I can't..."

Oh, Gods. Shattered. He sounded so broken. I needed to stop it, find out what was wrong. Please... I begged my body to respond, but the jolt of pain ripped through my arm, stealing my breath. The hazy darkness dragged me back under... No. no. no. no. Ash was falling apart, drowning in guilt and pain—and I couldn't stop it.

****

"—be fine. He's just sleeping—"

"But he's warm. Shouldn't you check for an infection?"

Ash? He sounded so far away...

"I have checked." Someone seemed irritated. "I just changed his dressing two hours ago. Believe me, Lord Ashton, he is doing well."

"But he hasn't woken, and he feels hot—"

"Then stop wrapping yourself around him. Between your body heat and the blankets, it's no wonder he may be roasting. You're starting to sound like his brother did."

Huh. So that explained why I felt so warm. It was a nice cozy warm, so I didn't know why Ash was worried. I sighed as I drifted back into blissful sleep.

****

Scorching pain.

I jerked as I abruptly became aware of my body—and the burning in my arm. Sleep didn't seem to want to keep me coddled in blissful unawareness anymore.

I cried out, but it only came out as a whimper. I couldn't even manage to lift my arm.

"Kye?"

Something shifted on the bed next to me. A weight lifted from my belly, and I realized Ash's arm had been draped over me as he rolled to prop himself up at my side.

"—wha—?" I tried to speak, but my throat felt parched and a bitter flavor lingered on my tongue.

"Here."

I peeked open my eyes a crack to see a gray-haired man holding out a cup. I stared at it a moment before shaking my head. The last time that man had made me drink something, it was awful.

He chuckled. "It's just water. Drink. You need it."

Ash helped me raise my head, wincing when I cried out at the pain shooting through my arm. Yes, my body was definitely awake now. I drank, but it seemed to take every bit of energy I had just to manage that. I was shaking by the time I collapsed back down.

I lay there, panting. Just the flexing of my hand sent daggers shooting up my forearm. I gasped as I tried to grab at my arm with my other hand. Both of my hands were restrained almost instantly.

"Kye, don't. I know it hurts, but you need to leave it alone," Ash said firmly as he held down my good wrist.

The doctor only had a light pressure on my hand, but I couldn't even muster the energy to fight it. And after a second of attempting, I didn't want to. It only increased the pain.

"Rest, young man. Your arm needs to heal. I'll let Lord Ashton explain things, but you must not touch your bandages," the doctor said pointedly before slowly pulling his hand away.

I blinked, the tears leaking down my temples startled me. I hadn't even noticed I'd started crying from the searing pain. Sweat broke out on my forehead, and I suddenly felt a wave of heat breaking out across my body. I turned my head to Ash, his hand still clutching mine.

I fought to remember why I was hurting so badly, but the last thing I remembered was Barrett threatening Ash—

Ash! He'd been hurt... all that blood...

"You—" I gasped, blinking up at Ash, my breathing strained. "Are you—did you—"

"Kye, Kye, slow down."

I took one breath as I scanned what I could see of him. "A-Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine." He smiled, almost sadly.

"But—but I saw... all the blood... on your shirt..." I stammered. "I thought E-Erick s-shot you."

Ash's eyes flickered away from me briefly as if he were attempting to collect himself. When he turned back, he was rapidly blinking away suspicious dampness. "The—The blood... it—it was yours, Kye. You were bleeding out, from a cut on your arm."

Cut on my arm... That's why I kept feeling pain there. Oh, Gods, how had I forgotten Barrett slashing my forearm? I remember it stinging, bleeding some... but I'd been so worried about what Barrett was going to do—to me, to Ash, to everyone—that I hadn't paid much attention to it. Had it been that bad?

"W-What... hap—"

"Shhh, don't talk, amari." I sighed as his deep voice washed over me, his affection evident in his bright, glistening eyes. "You're going to be fine. You scared me, us all, for a while there."

"I'm s-sorry... Barrett was at—" I started, but he tapped my lips to silence me.

But I had so many questions, so much I needed to know. "Tareth... is he... I heard..."

"He's tired. Worried. Like we all are," Ash admitted, then he smiled. "But you're awake now. Alert. I'm sure the doctor will be telling everyone waiting to hear."

How many people were there, worried about me?

Ash cleared his throat as he started talking. I got the impression he was trying to make sure I stayed awake. "We've pretty much pieced together what happened. Evander told us about the letter and how you'd gone to your father's inn. Gods, I wish I'd been there, that you didn't—"

"I shouldn't have gone—" I squeezed my eyes closed at the memory of my father's betrayal, the way he'd lured me with the offer of a memento of my mother. He'd preyed on my affection for her, used my despair of her death to trick me.

"I know. We all made mistakes yesterday—Reth, Liam, Evander, me—we're all plagued with guilt over leaving you alone—"

I was already shaking my head. "No, I made the mistake. I didn't trust him. I was only going to the door... I just never thought... Barrett came out of nowhere..."

"Reth said, after he and Evander left your father to search, that he thought your father seemed... odd. They had started to come get Liam and me, but we had already gotten back, and I—" he broke off momentarily, "I panicked when I found you gone, started to get people together to search... Then after Evander saw you in the alley with that bastard—"

"He did see me..." I whispered in awe that I'd been right. Talking was distracting me from the pulsing pain of my arm; I was afraid of what all the burning agony meant. I tried to focus on Ash's voice instead.

"Yes. He fetched me from the tavern where I was gathering up our men to help me search. Liam had even sent someone to the roof of—"

My eyes widened. "I saw him. I thought he was a thief."

Ash chuckled. "Gavin was instrumental in letting us know what was going on."

"That was Gavin?" I hadn't even recognized the man.

"He's the most agile... Anyway, it was Captain Brodin's idea to—"

Brodin? I realized I'd never heard the Captain referred to by anything other than his title.

"—attempt to get close to Barrett by pretending everyone was drunk, to catch him off guard. Liam and I stayed hidden since Barrett would recognize us."

I remembered that part. The drunken revelers intercepting us. Everyone protecting Ash, trying to stop Barrett from taking me, even as he and Erick threatened them.

"Liam," I whispered as I remember the steward aiming his rifle at us, "he shot Barrett?"

Ash nodded. "As soon as he had a clear shot."

"Is he—?" I couldn't bring myself to finish. What if he wasn't? Would he still try to... hurt me?

"Yes. He's dead. Liam is a very good shot. Although I'd prefer he didn't continue to shoot around your head anymore." Ash frowned wryly and I tried to laugh, but even that jarred my arm and I hissed.

Ash laid his hand on my chest, stilling me.

"And Erick? He tried to shoot you."

"He fired, but fortunately missed hitting anyone when Barrett's body jerked into him. Captain Brodin... he, uh, well, Erick as you call him, he's dead."

I started to ask how, but then decided I really didn't want to know. I suspected, since I didn't think the Captain had a gun, that maybe he'd stabbed him, and the idea of that caused me to shudder.

So many people could have been hurt that day. All because Barrett was obsessed with his revenge. And my father had helped him.

My father.

Oh. Oh, fucking hell. Images of my father sprawled on the floor, the loud thud, the impact jarring my arm as I'd hit him...

I looked up at Ash anxiously. "My—my father...?"

Ash's dark eyes flitted away briefly, his face betraying sorrow. "I'm sorry, Kye. Your father passed away this morning."

"H-How?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know I had probably killed my father.

"Well, what happened with Benjamin was a little unclear. We found him passed out, cuts and bruises on his head. We don't know if Barrett tried to kill him because he knew too much, or... and there was some hope on everyone's part that maybe he tried to stop Barrett from taking you and was hurt in the fight."

I shook my head, tears slipping down my cheeks. "He was stopping me from running. I'd almost made it to the door after kicking Barrett, and he grabbed me and was pulling me back."

Ash's brows furrowed, his face red with anger. I knew how he felt. I'd felt the same way.

"I-I hit him. Will the skillet. He-he fell, hit his head." Ash was staring at me with a mixture of shock and awe.

"You? You hit him? You kicked Barrett too?" The surprise was mixed with pride. I felt a swell of satisfaction at being able to have fought back.

"Barrett stabbed at me, as he recovered... it's how... that's when he got my arm," I explained wincing as I stupidly tried to lift it. "Then I threw the pan at him and ran."

Ash chuckled, apparently taken aback by how much I'd attempted to fight Barrett, and my father as well. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on my forehead. "Oh, my brave, stubborn Kye."

"Well, I ran, but Erick was out there, so... I didn't get far," I mused sullenly. "But my father... you said he p-passed this morning... he didn't die when I hit him?"

"No, we found him in the dining area, by a broken table. I guess he'd fallen into it when you hit him."

I frowned. "But... I hit him in the kitchen. He fell in the kitchen."

Ash frowned as well, pondering. "Well, he must have gotten up, recovered enough to try to move. Then probably fell into the table, hitting his head again. He was in a coma for almost a day, before he succumbed."

I simply nodded. I had likely caused my own father's death, but I couldn't find myself to be too upset about it. He hadn't truly been my father since he handed me over to Barrett almost five years ago.

I was exhausted, mentally, by all that I'd learned. Physically, my body felt heavy, tired. The heat that had seared through my whole body upon waking was fading, to a dull burn. Ash offered me more water, and this time I gulped down more.

"W-What's wrong with my arm? Why does it feel like it's burning?" I finally asked. I'd had plenty of cuts over my short life time, many of them stinging for days, but none had felt quite this scorching, like my skin was still sizzling.

Ash appeared tormented by my question. "The doctor had to... You were bleeding out, you'd already lost so much blood before we even knew anything was wrong..."

I just nodded, he'd already told me the cut on my forearm had been bleeding badly.

Ash drew in a fortifying breath. "The doctor had to cauterize the wound."

Cauterize...? He'd—he'd burned me?

"It was the only way to stop the bleeding," Ash breathed out, dropping his head close to mine. His lips brushed my cheek. "Gods, Kye, I almost lost you. I was so fucking scared... there was so much blood..."

A lump formed in my throat at having caused him any pain, and I remembered waking up once before to hear his voice broken, his normal strength crumbling. Causing him any kind of hurt was the last thing I'd ever want to do. I turned my head to meet his lips. Gods, how I wanted to grab him and pull him closer...

"I'm fine," I whispered. "I'm here. You all saved me," I tried to reassure him. "My arm will heal."

But, the veneer of courage he'd been trying to portray since I woke was falling apart fast, and I worried there was nothing I could do to stop it.

He was shaking his head, his breathing quickly becoming harsh and panicked. "I was almost too late. What if Evander hadn't seen you? What if Barrett had cut your arm or neck deeper? What if the doctor hadn't been able to stop—"

I caught his lips with mine, surging up to swallow the fear and horror attempting to drown the man. He gasped, almost drawing back, but I chased him, pouring every bit of myself—my love for this man, my soul, my need—into the fiery kiss.

When I finally felt him relax, I knew I'd kept him from falling over that precipice of crippling guilt. Neither of us needed the black hole of self-blame threatening to constantly swallow us.

"There are no more what ifs. He's gone and can't hurt you or me anymore." I squeezed his fingers where he was still holding my good hand. "Please don't give him any more power over us. I don't want him to take anything else from me."

Ash let out a harsh breath, somewhere between a laugh and a cry before he kissed me again. "He won't. You're mine. And I'm going to love and protect you forever."

"Forever is a long time," I smirked.

Ash smiled down at me. "It's not long enough."