A Blind Spirit - 1. A Blind Spirit

A Blind Spirit

When I looked back at my life, I knew I had turned a blind eye to so many happenings. It was easy to be blind to those kinds of things rather than forget them. Even though they were linked at the time, I could save them to my blind side, rather than waste my efforts and time on forgetting those horrible events. I am not talking about serious issues that strangle your hopes and desire to live, but about the simple things that break you into pieces and hurt you even more.

Someone once told me 'Time will heal.' And I recently heard a line from a movie: Time is the only unit of measure that gives proof to the existence of matter. Without time, we don't exist. I think it's true. It has been almost ten years since time consumed me. It trapped me in an unknown dimension where I now struggle between fate and time. And by now, everyone has forgotten my existence and the truth behind my disappearance.

I was a happy boy, a good teenager and respected young man. I had a good family and fine relationships with others as friend, brother, nephew, boy next door and good man. I was a respected person until I found my true love. I wasn’t being judged by myself, but by people around me. Actually, it was the people who lived with me-- my very family. It wasn't like they didn't love me. They were only afraid of the society that was going to make those nonsense comments about my choice of love. So, they just came up with what they could do.

I can remember that day clearly. It was my birthday. In our house, we never celebrated a birthday. Instead, I planned to go out with my lover. But strangely, my family woke me early in the morning to give me surprise wishes. My father bought me new clothes and my brother told me about the party he was arranging. My sister blathered nonstop about what they planned for the day. I called Richard and told him about all this. He was obviously disappointed, but happy about my family wanting to celebrate my birthday.

It was a stunning day with my family. I had never been so happy with them before. I decided to simply enjoy the day as it came. We went out for lunch and even went to the movies. I will never forget how happy I was on that day -- never! As the sun came down, we returned to the house. I was so full of emotion that I refused to eat dinner and went to my room to call Richard. He, too, teased me that I was behaving like a child who got his Christmas wish. I promised to meet him in the morning for breakfast and slowly drifted off.

But then, after an hour or two, my mom woke me up. My entire family, other than my brother's kids, was standing beside my bed. Mom placed a bowl in front of me. It was my favorite dessert: Rasmalai. She said she had made it especially for me, and everyone wanted to feed me a spoon. It was wonderfully delicious and they made me eat it all. As they left, I lay back on the bed, smiling, until I closed my eyes for the last time.

I did meet Richard that next morning when he came to see my body. My parents did not allow him see it though. And so, I left my home to be with Richard, and then turned my blind side to my family and the awful thing they did to me. I have never since left Richard's side. I saw his depression, watched his breakdown. Thankfully, I saw someone eventually come to love and care for him. I witnessed him get married and also the son he got through surrogacy. I have delighted in watching his child grow into a beautiful boy.

Now, after all these years, I sensed something ...someone. Someone related to me was hurting--badly I could feel his pain and the remorse that was tormenting him. It was my nephew. He was going through all the horrible things I had felt. He was now in my condition, from which I haven't survived too well. After all these years, the time had come to visit my family again--to not be blind to this boy.