Tales of the Underground: Crestfallen - 12. The Walkup Song

Have you ever felt untouchable? Like that no matter what happens things just can’t bring you down? Well you better believe that’s how I felt after Jayden invited me over.

As I wandered down to my locker I had to mentally fight off the smile on my face; a battle I quickly lost.

Suddenly I felt a hand grab onto my backpack and pull me back “I got something from your coaches today.” Eli growled.

“Don’t grab onto me like that!” I reprimanded as my smile began to fade “What do you have?”

Our eyes met and I could tell the day had beaten him down “a jacket.” he mumbled

I could feel my eyes light up as I realized what he was talking about “No way!” I shouted, smile returning to my face “I get my jacket already?”

“No” he sighed “I decide when you get it.”

“Oh come on!” I whined

“I’ll hand it over when you prove you deserve it.” he muttered

Pride began to back up the smile on my face “I will” Eli rolled his cold eyes and turned back to his locker “I won’t let you down” I insisted

“Goodbye” he growled

“Goodbye” I replied, copying his exact tone. He slammed his locked door and began to walk away. “What did I do now?” I uttered trying to catch up to him

“Aidan” he sighed turning towards me.

Our eyes connected, and I got a good look inside. I guess whatever that whole conversation this morning meant really had him shaken. “Sorry…I forgot about everything…” He shook his head and walked off before I got the chance to finish explaining myself.

I shrugged my shoulders, went to my locker and quickly packed my bag before rushing out to the car. The rest of the day went by in a flash. The guys at the gym and I even had a good laugh about my new stitching before it was finally removed for good. The rest of training was focused on my fight Tuesday night. There’s no doubt that dear old dad called ahead and informed them about the expectations for the upcoming fight. I shook my head and acted as though those expectations didn’t exist…as though I was just any other kid training at a gym. As I fell into my bed that night I quickly remembered about the sheet of paper Jayden had handed me. I ruffled through my bag and quickly pulled out the torn piece of paper. I couldn’t help but giggle at his cute little handwriting, it was just so…Jayden.

I quickly punched in the numbers and played around with the words before finally settling on “Hey it’s Aidan” Simple, I know, but there’s not need to reinvent the wheel here…is there?

Not even a full minute later I heard my phone buzz on the bedside table “Oh hey, you can still hang out tomorrow right?”

My hands began to shake, and sweat began to drip down my face “Yeah does 7 work?” I’m not sure if it was the nerves from talking to him, or the exhaustion from training, but the second I hit the send button I passed out. I woke up to a text saying “Yup!” and his address attached. I smiled, and went to text back but stopped myself. I mean I don’t want to seem too eager or anything.

That morning was the fastest I’ve ever moved in my life, I guess I was just eager to get the day going.

“Sir, you’re going to give yourself whiplash” Perry lectured as I darted around the house getting my thing together

“Shhh” I retaliated “I need a favor after training today.”

“and what would that be?” he asked, raising an eyebrow

“To go over a friend’s for a few hours” I said with a smile “but you can’t tell mom or dad.”

He though it over for a moment, trying to find the right words “Well, I know your parents would disapprove, but I cannot disobey an order from you.” he hinted

“Then I order you to let me!” I smiled

“Yes sir.” he said with a friendly laugh

I jumped into the car, and finally the day was underway. That day I worked my ass off. I was challenged every single second of practice, and I rose to the occasion each and every time. I could feel myself growing as a fighter, my punches grew more precise, and my ground game became much more fluid.

“I’m gonna submit this kid.” I nodded to my wrestling trainer

“Is that what you want, or what your dad wants?” he sighed

“It’s what we both want” I answered “but more importantly it’s something I need to prove I can do.”

“To your team?” he poked

“To myself” I answered, returning my focus back to the task at hand. The rest of training dragged on, and the hours turned to days. When 5 finally rolled around I ran out without as much as a goodbye. I felt my nerves began to shake as we pulled away from the gym.

“So Master Aidan, are we going straight to this friend’s house or home first?” Perry asked with a laugh

“Home, I can’t go there like this” I insisted

“Oh, so this friend is important?” he jabbed back with a smile

“Just drive” I quietly muttered

When we pulled into the driveway, I instructed Perry that I would be eating home and jumped into the shower. As I got out I looked myself up and down, the small scratches and scares across my face seemed more evident than ever. How am I ever going to wow someone with a face like this? I look like I got mauled by a cat! I shook my head, put on a pair of boxers and wandered into my room. For the first time in my life picking out clothes seemed impossible! Suddenly the walk in closet full of clothes didn’t seem like enough. It just all didn’t seem…right. I finally found myself settling on a nice dark blue polo, with a thick white stripe going diagonally down it, nice khaki shorts and a pair of Sperry’s. What? Don’t judge me! I like to dress nice okay?

I rushed down the stairs, and scarfed down all the food on my plate. “Ready!” I exclaimed jumping out of my chair

“No you’re not sir” Perry sighed “You know you have to eat more if you’re going to build muscle.”

“No come on!” I whined “I’m full I swear!” I lied

He dished out another full plate and pushed it towards where I had been sitting “Finish that and we can leave.” he ordered

I pouted and took my seat. I hate to admit it, but he was right. It’s good to have someone looking out for you. I guess this is what it would feel like to actually have committed parents. I finished up the rest of my meal and looked up to see Perry making me a protein shake. “No” I said pouting once more

“Your father’s orders.” he sighed knowing full well how much I didn’t want it

He passed it over and I began to look into it “Are you sure this is healthy?” I sulked “It’s like another few hundred calories.”

He reached out and took it back out of my hands “Hmm let me take a look sir” he popped off the cap and played with the liquid a bit, before turning towards the sink and quickly pouring out half “Master Aidan, it’s completely healthy, and your father demands you drink a full bottle after the gym from now on!” he instructed hiding a smile

“Full bottle” I repeated, in a thankful tone. Like I said, it’s good to have someone looking out for you. I grabbed the bottle, and followed him out to the car. It took me nearly the whole ride but I finally fought through the gross sludge. As we finally pulled up to Jayden’s house I felt myself begin to shake.

“Are you okay sir?” Perry asked staring at me in the mirror

“Just fine” I sighed through the nerves “Just like text me when its time to go”

“Yes sir” he nodded

I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. I’m a fighter god damnit! I shouldn’t be scared of anything! I gathered up all my confidence and made my way to the front door. The outside of Jayden’s house was nice, nothing big or too small, just kinda there. I built up the strength and forced myself to push my finger into the small doorbell.

I heard some shuffling before a woman finally appeared in the doorway “Well hello there. How can I help you?”

I reached out my hand “I’m Aidan” I politely said with a smile “Jayden told me to come over tonight”

She shook my hand and let out a short laugh “Oh, so you’re Aidan?” her smile grew warmer as she connected the dots “Well I’m glad to finally meet you, Jayden has told me so much about…”

“Mom!” I heard Jayden yell as he finally appeared next to her. He flashed her a frustrated look before turning towards me “Hey Aidan, come in”

“Well I’ll just leave you two be then.” she laughed walking into another room

“Sorry, she can be annoying sometimes.” he sighed.

“It’s cool, that’s what moms do after all.” I smiled, and quickly looked him up and down. He was wearing grey sweat pants, a deep black shirt with a band logo on it, and a beanie with an umbrella on the front of it.

“You didn’t have to come so dressed up ya know? We’re just hanging out.” He teased

“I like to dress nice” I shot back. It’s funny; Jayden seems so much more comfortable in this environment…so much…safer.

“Come on, let’s go to my room.” he ushered, leading me through the one story house

“Up to no good?” I heard a loud voice boom towards us

“Always dad” Jayden smiled, his dad reached out and pulled at his son’s beanie

“And who is this?” he asked pointing his attention towards me

“I’m Aidan Taylor” I said reaching out my hand once more

Mr. Sander’s composure immediately changed upon hearing my name “Taylor…any relation to Robert Taylor?” he asked giving my hand a good shake.

“Yup” I smiled “That’s my dad”

He quickly fixed himself a little more “I should’ve seen it, you’re his spitting image”

I tried to hide the sadness I felt as I heard that “How do you know my dad?” I said trying to spin the subject more towards him

“I manage one of his apartment buildings.” he smiled “I’ll have to let him know I met you!”

“No!” I quickly blurted out; Mr. Sanders shot me a concerned look “I’m not supposed to go out with friends.” I confessed

He slowly connected things in his mind “Then how about we forget this moment.”

“What moment?” I joked

“You’re definitely your father’s son.” Mr. Sanders teased

Once more I tried to mask the sadness brought on by those words, I mean after all they’re supposed to be compliments, right?

“Alright come on!” Jayden said leading me once more. Finally we entered into a small room with nothing more than a desk, bed and dresser in it. The walls were lined with band posters, and art work. I saw a neat stack of vinyls sitting next to an old style record player and laughed.

“They still make those?” I pestered

“They’re the best way to listen to music!” Jayden defended “So what’s with you tonight? Why didn’t you like being compared to your dad?”

“What do you mean?” I responded looking down “I liked it”

“Aidan” he pushed “We’re friends remember?”

“Fine, I just don’t like to” I confessed, I struggled to put into words my next few thoughts “I’m just not like him”

Jayden nodded knowing he had hit a sensitive topic “So you need a new walk up song right?”

“Yup” I said taking a seat in his desk chair

“Good because I’ve got one!” he excitedly pulled a black album from the stack and threw on a record.

“Happy song?” I recalled from the other day

“Happy song!” Jayden proudly announced putting the needle onto the record

The room with filled with a funky bass and chanting, I saw Jayden’s focus shift to me as I took in the music. Our eyes met, and I watched as he slowly lost himself in the music. The contagious chorus, and sinister sound immediately grabbed my attention and I knew this is the type of song I was looking for. Jayden let himself fall onto his bed and quietly mumbled the words to himself

“And I really wish that you could help, but my head is like a carousel” I heard him quietly sing. As the song picked up again so did he and it seemed as though the timid boy I knew from school was transformed before me. When the song ended he looked over at me with a wide smile “So?”

“So?” I repeated

“What did you think!” he yelped “Did you like it?”

“It’s what I was looking for” I admitted “text me the song and the band and I’ll send it to my gym”

“You don’t recognize the band!” he squealed

“No” I quietly admitted

“That’s Bring Me the Horizon!” he cried out

I turned my head and made a face “who?”

He let out a deep grown, and tore off his beanie, exposing the long, soft hair underneath “They’re like one of the biggest rock bands in the world right now!” I shrugged not knowing how to respond “ I thought you like this type of music?”

“I do” I replied “I just don’t know many bands.”

He popped up and threw his beanie across the room “Then we have work to do!” He put the record neatly back into its sleeve and began digging through them once more. Finally he pulled out a black album, and threw on another record. “Guess who this is.” He ordered returning to his bed, and once more lost himself in the rhythm. I had never seen music mean so much to someone; it was almost as though he was no longer in the room.

“I know this song!” I blurted out “They play it at the gym sometimes, it’s that guy…the one with the girl’s name” Jayden looked over and watched as I tried to put it together “Marilyn Manson!”

He got off his bed and stopped the song before it ended “Finally!” he began “Man I thought you were gonna make us listen to the whole album.” He quickly moved his body infront of the stack and began moving things around

I stood up and tried to get a good look at what he was doing “What are you up to?”

“Nothing” he lied “Sit back down” I began to walk over, and he quickly turned around “I swear to god Aidan, I’ll…I’ll…”

“You’ll?” I teased

“Hug you!” he resolved in a loud voice “yeah you don’t like to be touched, so go sit down or I’ll hug you!”

“You won’t!” I challenged with a smug grin

Before I could react he jumped in front of me, and wrapped his arms around me. The short embrace was nothing like I had ever felt before. My heart raced in my chest, and I felt myself beginning to grow nervous. There was a feeling in my heart I just can’t place into words…a caring one. Suddenly I came back down to earth and pushed him off of me. Our eyes locked and I saw something in his eyes, something that reflected the feeling. He turned his head towards the door to make no one had seen then looked down.

“Oh you were gonna put on Trivium!” I shouted changing the subject

He turned back to the record he had taken out “You just have to ruin surprises don’t you!” he teased, thankful that I didn’t acknowledge the moment.

“Yup” I smiled as he put on the album we had both bonded over. As we sat back and listened I saw him look over at me every now and then and watch, finally I caught him in the act “What?”

“What?” he repeated putting on an innocent face

I laughed at his act “You know what.” The redder his face got, the guiltier I felt for calling him out “Nevermind”

“No, what?” he insisted

“Don’t worry about it” I teased looking over at him “Why aren’t you like this in school?” I poked, changing the subject

The blush in his face finally began to fade “Like what?”

“Like this” I laughed “Relaxed, and cool. I like this Jayden” I shyly admitted, he shrugged but didn’t say anything “oh come on! There has to be a reason why you don’t.”

“I’m not comfortable there” he mumbled

“Why not?” I prodded, he shrugged his shoulders again, and I laid off. “Well you’re always welcome around me Ivy, and Henry”

He nodded “I know that”

I looked over at him with trouble in my eyes “So how’s that crush on Ivy going?”

“Aidan!” he whined “I don’t have a crush on her.” I looked over and shot him an curious look “I just didn’t want to be alone with you and Henry” he admitted

I calmed my attitude, and gave him a genuine look “Why not?”

He shrugged “Henry seems intense, and you’re….” he droned on

“a fighter?” I sighed

“No, it’s not that…I mean sure that’s kinda scary…but you’re you” he shrugged

“Oh” I let out disappointed

He pounced to his feet and placed his hand on my shoulder “No Aidan, It’s not a bad thing…I just can’t...describe you…I’ve never met anyone like you in my life” A smile began to cross my face, and I nodded my head. He quickly took his hand off my shoulder “Sorry, I didn’t mean to touch you”

“It’s cool” I sighed, he made a face and turned away “Alright what now?”

“You got to ask a question, so it’s only fair that now I get to” he said, his voice starting to grow a little more confident “What don’t you like to be touched?”

I quickly diverted my eyes to the posters on the walls “I just don’t”

“It’s okay you can tell me” Jayden reassured

I let out a deep breath and looked over at him “Because the only time people touch me it’s because they want to hurt me.”

“So that’s why you don’t like to be compared to you dad” he mumbled to himself

“No Jayden, it’s not like that” I quickly defended, realizing I had said too much

He looked over at me with concerned eyes “Then why don’t you guys get along?”

“We do! He gives me the world, and he’s the reason I get to train in such a great gym…”

“But…” Jayden encouraged

I stood up frustrated “But nothing man! Why do you even care? Why would it matter?” Jayden’s stare began to grow distant, and guilt seeped into my heart“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to…”

“No it’s okay…I dug too deep” he muttered starting to get jittery again “I shouldn’t have asked…it’s not my place or anything”

I stood up and sat next to him on the bed “Stop” I sighed “I don’t get you at all, you know that?” he looked down and began to play with his feet “Some days you’re just so distant, then others you’re so talkative and sweet.” I picked up my hand and he flinched “You’re scared I’m going to hurt you?”

“No…for the last time I don’t think that…at least not physically” he confessed “I just have a bad record with letting people in…I don’t really know how to make friends” I noticed that as he spoke his eyes darted from the floor to a picture on the wall. I looked at it with hungry eyes and took in every small detail. It was a younger Jayden besides a much bigger boy, they didn’t look alike but you could tell they were family.

I uncomfortably put my hand on his back and rubbed it “Neither of us have an idea what we’re doing do we?”

Jayden shrugged, but didn’t push away from the contact “But at least you’re friendly”

“And at least you know how to show love” I smiled, trying to make eye contact “I’ll teach you how to be friendly if you teach me how to love.” I let the words soak the air before I realized what I had said “I mean not like I love you or you love me, just like friends like friends liking friends, ya know?” I nervously rambled, not making any sense

“I understand” he nodded “thanks Aidan” he smiled

I felt a buzz in my pocket and stood up knowing what it meant “well it’s time for me to take off.”

“Just a few more minutes?” Jayden pleaded

“No” I laughed “I’m lucky I got to even come over, but I’ll see you Monday.”

“and at your fight Tuesday!” he added

“you’re gonna come?” I eagerly asked

He smiled and jumped up next to me “Of course, you said all your friends go after all”

I nodded and caught the smile from his small face. It’s going to be a long hard road, but we can do it. Even if Jayden isn’t gay…we can build each other up. We can help each other grow…we have to, or we risk repeating the past.