The Hidden Ones: The Spotlight - 10. Lyrics

My whole life, I’ve been told I bite off more than I can chew. Yet, every single time I prove nothing is too much for me. I prove no matter how big or how small, I can pull it out in the end. From popularity, to sports, to student government, to grades, and yet here I sit staring at the boy with a green stripe in his hair, not sure what to say!

He came over just like we had planned, but all he’s done is just sit there. When I ask something, I get slight nods or ‘okays’. It’s like he’s a zombie. Not in a depressed way; but almost in an uninterested way. Maybe this time around, I have bitten off more than I can chew.

“So how many songs do you have left to write?” I asked, trying my hardest to start a conversation.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, eyes on the floor just like they had been all afternoon.

“How can you not know?” I offered him a smile. “Didn’t you work all day on it?”

“Well yeah,” he mumbled in a faint voice. “I wrote two songs and they want to try and write two, but I don’t trust them with it. I think I’ll wind up fixing a bunch of it.”

I raised my eyes as I got a hint of his cockiness. I mean if you can even call it that. It’s more confidence than cocky. He knows he’s a great writer and he’s determined to succeed. It’s one of the things I’m slowly starting to really like about him. “I thought the EP was five songs?”

“It is.” He exhaled. “Your uncle wants the last song to be a cover.”

“Oh, so like Iron Maiden or Pink Floyd, or…” I let on waiting for him to fill in the blank.

“Nope.” He sounded disappointed. “He wants a pop song.”

“A pop song?” I repeated in an excited voice. “I’ve got you covered! What songs are you thinking of?”

“I don’t know, I want something that we can actually play with.” He waved off escaping back into his mind. “Everything is just so generic and simple. I want a song I can make my own.”

“Then why even do a cover?” I continued, happy he was finally letting me in.

“It’s a good idea.” He admitted in the same defeated tone. “Lots of bands have used it to get all sorts of attention. I just…I want something that shows me, not Taylor Fucking Swift.”

“You’re really not happy about this?” I laughed trying to get his eyes to connect with mine.

He shrugged his shoulders and began to stare out the sliding doors of the basement. “I’m not unhappy, I’m just annoyed.” He confessed. “The guys want to do an Imagine Dragons song but that doesn’t fit our style. Plus they’re too like electronic.”

“They’re great!” I defended still trying to lock eyes.

“They’re better than most of the crap on the radio.” He agreed. “But they’re too happy for me. I want something real, something I can emulate and relate with.”

I thought it over for a few seconds until he finally looked over to see why I was silent.“Do something by Justin Bieber.” I shrugged. “He’s got a few slower songs, and he’s still extremely popular so it should get you attention.”

“What part of something I can relate to didn’t you understand?” He snapped, as he began to expose the weight he had been carrying on his shoulders. “Sorry.” He exhaled seeing the surprised look on my face. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s just..forget it.” He decided. “You still don’t know me all that well.”

I thought it over for a little bit as I tried my best to match a song with him. To prove that I did know him well enough. “Pill in Ibiza,” I suddenly shouted, sending him jumping out of fear.

“Teddy just let me…”

“No, trust me on this!” I interrupted, scurrying off the couch to grab the nearby guitar off its stand. “I can’t play it, so this is going to be rough. Just listen to the chorus. It’s totally you!” I slowly wrestled with the acoustic guitar, trying my best to get it all set up before trying my best to play the chorus, or at least my terrible version of it.

“Leave the singing to me.” He teased, fidgeting from side to side looking uncomfortable.

“You didn’t like it?” I asked, a little disappointed in myself. I feel like he can relate to the song; but maybe I don’t know him as well as I thought.

“It’s perfect.” He exhaled, seeming a bit awkward. “Just, you barely know me, how did…”

“You’re not the only one who knows songs.” I giggled with a proud smile. “I had a back-up too, but I don’t think you can rap.”

He rolled his eyes and sat back. “I wouldn’t want to sing about banging girls and shooting people anyway.”

“Not all rap is like that.” I corrected, trying my best to keep our eyes connected. “I was going to say 1800-273-8255 by Logic. It’s about Suicide prevention.” I shrugged beginning to strum a few chords. As I sung the chorus to the second song, I saw his eyes begin to grow cold and drift. It was clear the topic of suicide had made him uncomfortable.

“You sure those last few lines relate to me?” He somberly let out, in words that sent a chill down my back.

“I don’t know.” I nervously admitted, trying my best to find the right words. “But even if they don’t, even if you can’t find a reason to…well…live, know that I want you to be here with me. Even the sun needs to set every once and a while.”

“Easy for you to say.” He remarked, still not looking up.

“I know.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know what it feels like to be depressed. But I do know how amazing it feels to look into the mirror and be proud of the person look back at you. That feeling makes all the pain in the world worth it.”

“You think just because I have an EP I’m going to be proud of myself?” He shook his head, still not looking up.

“No. I think because you have friends who care about you, a stage to perform on, and an EP you’ll be proud of yourself.” I nodded forcing a smile. “I don’t care what you say, you’re closer to it than you think.”

He shifted his mouth, not quite sure what to say. He reached out for the guitar, knowing his music can always express his thoughts better than his words. As I handed him the guitar I got up and joined him on the other side, making sure to get close. “You have the whole couch to sit on, and you choose right there?” He let out in a deep sigh as his focus went to tuning the guitar.

“Yup!” I giggled. “I want you to know you’re not alone.” As he began to lightly strum the guitar I felt a devious smile cross my face. “So what song can I emulate?”

He thought it over before slowly strumming a familiar pop song. This time when he sang his voice was light and sweet. It was as though he was a different person.

“You listen to Ed Sheeran?” I gasped, looking over at him.

“Sometimes,” he mumbled in an embarrassed voice.

“I thought you said that pop songs are…”

“Did you want a song that reminded me of you or not?” He defensively interrupted.

“I did.” I smiled, thinking about the lyrics in that song. “I just…I didn’t expect that.” I let out, wondering if those words we’re supposed to come from my perspective or his. “What’s another?” I wondered. “One that you would actually like listening to?”

“Oh, okay.” He softly exhaled, racking his brain before beginning to strum way once again. Once more I found myself smiling away at the words that he sang. This time around they were hopeful with a tinge of darkness.

“What song was that?” I asked, slowly begging to get a peak in at what he thought of me.

“Unity by Shinedown.” He explained with a shrug.

“Why does it remind you of me?” I fished, trying to get the absolute most out of him.

“Why does Pill in Ibiza remind you of me?” He countered, flipping it on me.

“Simple.” I shrugged, recalling why I picked the song. “Because the original acoustic version has a lot you can build on, and it’s about getting famous and not knowing what to do with yourself. It’s about Mike Posner feeling like he was a one hit wonder, and feeling all alone and used, and yet he uses his music to escape all those fears.” I explained. “Also, I just guess, I feel like that’s how you use music. He used it as therapy. I think that’s something you always do.” I finished, nodding to him. “Your turn.”

He let out a deep sigh and awkwardly shifted in his chair “It just does.” He was trying his hardest to escape the answer. I bit my tongue and kept my eyes on him, knowing it would supply much more pressure than complaints. “Because the song’s about pulling people together.” He finally began. “The song begins with a story about finding an old picture of a lover and thinking back about them and how you want to find them and save them and, I don’t know.” He shook his head. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s not.” I moved closer, offering him comfort. “Go ahead.”

“I just feel like, you, when you’re not letting other people influence who you are, you actually want what’s best for everyone.” He let out, embarrassed by his own words “I feel like you’re the light for everyone at school, and that people want to follow you. You just love to be there for everyone.” His eyes drifted as he began to reflect on his words “I feel like I said too much.”

“I feel like you said the perfect amount.” I offered him another growing smile. “So, you’ve stopped thinking of me as fake?”

“No.” He shrugged, looking over at me while strumming a light note. “That’s still you. But I’m starting to accept you for it.”

“Hey!” I laughed.

“Deny it all you want, but you want to please everyone.” He insisted. “It’s just, when are you going to put Teddy first?”

“What does that mean?” I asked, slightly tilting my head.

“It means, when do you stop letting other people dictate how you live your life?” He exhaled. “When do you stop letting them tell you who you can be?”

“I’m falling for you, aren’t I?” I said it without thinking. “Not that I don’t…”

“I know what you mean.” He cut off before I could actually get nervous. “But I’ve seen popularity stop you before, and I know it’s coming again.”

“Like when?” I defensively let out.

“How was taking that girl to junior prom?” He looked away muttering.

“Oh, come on…”

“You had a boyfriend at the time, didn’t you?” He reminded me in an unamused tone.

“Okay, but like, we weren’t even that close.”

“Whatever.” He mumbled “It’s just who you are.”

“No to you…”

“Sure.” He shook his head, not believing me.

“How do you know any of that anyway?” I pushed. “I thought you didn’t keep up with my life.”

“I don’t. But when the only other openly gay kid at school brings a girl to prom, it sends a bad message for the other one.”

“Alright, well I’m sorry for not wanting to bring someone who doesn’t go to Hudson, or for...”

“I’m not looking for excuses about it.” He coldly started shutting down. “I’m not even really looking for you to change, just being honest.”

“You don’t trust me?” I asked, trying to read his face.

“I understand the person I decided to start seeing.” He answered, side stepping the question. “I understand you want me to be happy and you’ll be there for me. But I also understand you’ll always want to be popular.”

“I mean…” I began but couldn’t think of any words to work my way out of it.

“Good afternoon boys.” My dad greeted us, walking in through the garage door and putting a stop to the awkward moment. “Aww you guys are having a little jam session? I miss being a teenager.” He grunted, carrying in some groceries.

“Ryder, are you staying for dinner?” He asked as he headed towards the stairs.

“I don’t think so.” Ryder shrugged. “I should go home soon and get back to work.”

“On the EP?” My dad asked as Ryder nodded his head. “That’s so cool!” He shook his head in disbelief. “You better not be distracting him Theo.”

“I’m not. At least, I don’t think I am.” I looked over at Ryder.

“He’s not.” Ryder confirmed as my dad disappeared up the stairs. “Theo?”

“What?” I asked, directing my eyes from the stairs to him.

“Nothing, I just, I never heard anyone call you that.” He shrugged, strumming away at the guitar once more.

I shrugged my shoulders too and smiled. “My parents call me anything. Theo, Theodore, Teddy, Ted.”

“Well, what do you want me to call you?” He asked playfully, letting the tension from our earlier conversation fade.

“Whatever you want.” I smiled, confused by his question.

“Whatever?” He repeated, smiling for the first time all day.

“Just stick to Teddy.” I groaned, keeping my smile.

“Alright, Theodore.” He teased me as he stood and bumped me with his elbow.

I shook my head and watched him carefully. “Where are you going?”

“Home,” he answered. “I have a pop song to improve on.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Can’t you stay for a little bit longer?”

“Nope!” He started backing up towards the garage door. “But I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” I wondered where I would see him.

“You have a game, don’t you?” He asked with a quick tilt of his head.

“Yup!” I smiled, amazed that he actually remembered something from a stupid forced conversation from when he had first got here.

“Then I’ll see you there.” He decided, slowly opening the door. “And don’t worry about putting me before popularity or anything.” He exhaled, forcing a smile. “I get it. I wouldn’t be seeing you if I didn’t.”

As I watched him shut the door behind him, I felt my smile grow. He is more than I can chew. Yet, he’s finding ways to make it work. We both are. I’ll find a way to put him first. I swear I will.