The Hidden Ones: The Spotlight - 27. A New Family?

----------Teddy--------

It really is something special to watch Ryder work. He pushes himself to the limit every chance he gets. It doesn’t matter to him if there’s a crowd of thousands or just the ten of us, he’s going to give it everything he’s got. The band struggled to keep up with him as the two hour practice began to grind to a halt. He was covered in sweat and breathing heavily, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he had another few hours left in the tank.

“Come on guys,” he forced out, trying hard to catch his breath. “We’ve got at least two more left in us.”

“Fuck you!” Brandon yelped, starting to pull the bass off of him. “My fingers are blistered and about to bleed, we played for hours this morning in the studio, and now two extra hours tonight. Are you trying to kill us?”

“If that’s what it takes.” He nodded, keeping his passionate gaze.

“I’ll tell you what.” Brandon exhaled, still clutching onto his bass. “If you let us pick the song, and swear to just have fun with it like an eighteen year old should, we’ll play one more.” Ryder swayed his mouth back and forth before reluctantly nodding his head.

“Your boyfriend is something else.” One of the girls whispered to me. “Is he always this intense?”

“Not by a long shot.” I laughed, watching him pace back and forth as the rest of the band grouped up to decide on the song. “I usually have to drag him out of bed!” The girls giggled and looked back at Ryder, inspired by how driven he was.

“No way he knows that song!” Tommy argued, as they broke apart from their impromptu meeting.

“Have you seen his playlist?” Zack argued back. “Of course he’ll know it.”

“What song?” Ryder anxiously asked, returning to his microphone.

“You’ll see.” Brandon smirked, throwing his bass back over his shoulder. “Just go with the flow and have fun, no taking it serious and getting all emotional. Just sing to Teddy like we’re not here.”

“That’s right because this one goes out to all the ladies.” Joe teased in a laugh. “and Teddy.” He quickly added in.

Before Ryder could say another word a familiar beat from an eighties hit began to fill the air. “Hey” the band let out as Ryder tried to quickly decode the mystery song. “Hey” they repeated, as their lost singer looked around.

Brandon quickly filled in the first verse until Ryder confidently nodded his head and ripped the microphone from the stand. Before Brandon could continue to sing Ryder took over and began to rock one of Def Leppard’s biggest hits. He struggled at first, but before I knew it he was goofing around and having fun with the guys up on their small grass stage.

Suddenly Ryder zeroed in on me and snapped the mic right back into it’s stand. As our eyes locked Ryder began to sway his hips just like he had back on retro night at the barn. It was like he had transported himself right back into the eighties, letting his body and movement flow into the flirtatious tone of the song.

“You’re so lucky,” One of the girls remarked, noticing the same change in Ryder as me. “He’s going to be hot as hell when he gets older.”

“Oh yeah.” Another added in. “If he was straight I would totally keep my eyes on him.”

“Sorry ladies.” I proudly giggled. “He’s all mine.” I couldn’t help but smile as Ryder danced around on the small grass patch. There’s something magical about the way he usually performs, it’s like therapy to him, but not this song, he’s turned this one into a game and he’s letting it show.

Finally the song wound down and the guys happily started to put their instruments back into their cases so that Ryder couldn’t pressure them into one more. “Oh shit guys,” Zack teased, trying his hardest to get the guitar back into its case. “I think we have to hose down Ryder after that one.”

Ryder stuck out his middle finger as he ripped the black circled out of he’s ears, and took a seat right next to me. “I haven’t seen you just relax with a song like that since retro night.” I remarked, leaning lightly against him.

“It felt good,” he admitted with a smile. “I’ll have to practice more songs like that for you.” He teased, entangling his hand in mine.

“Alright, calm down kid.” Tommy remarked, pulling his girlfriend into his arms. “We haven’t left just yet.”

“We still have to pull the van up and pack everything back into it.” Joe complained, looking at the setup in front of him.

“It’s not like that much.” Ryder shrugged. “Just cover the drums with a tarp like we always do, and then it’s just the guitars, mics, stands and amps that need to go in.”

He nodded his head, but it was obvious the group was tired from their long day. “Let’s just take a few minutes and light it up first.” Zack exhaled, pulling a long white joint out of his coat pocket.

“I’ll raise you one on that.” Tommy smiled, pulling out a joint of his own. I peered over to see how Ryder would react, but saw the same calm demeanor as when he had sat down.

Before I knew it they were each taking a puff then passing to the person next to them. “Oh, no thanks.” I quickly denied as Brandon tried to hand it to me.

“Come on, it’s just weed.” He pressured, but quickly gave up as he saw the resistance in my eyes. “Ryder?” he asked, holding it for him.

I watched Ryder think it over for a second before taking it and handing it over to Joe. “Not tonight.” He decided with a nod of his head.

“It’s better for you than those damned pills you take.” Zack remarked, reaching into the beer box and throwing us each a can. “Besides while we were on tour,”

“I know,” Ryder quickly interrupted before Zack could finish his thought. “I just don’t want to be high at home. My grandma is really weird about,”

“Alright alright” Zack waved off. “I don’t need your whole life story.”

“Man if someone would’ve offered me a joint at their age I would’ve cried tears of joy,” Tommy’s girlfriend teased, blowing out a large cloud of smoke.

“They’re a different type of kids.” Brandon remarked, leaning back on his forearms. “Different from us. Different from one another.”

“Yeah, how the hell did you two start to date anyway?” Tommy asked, eagerly waiting for one of the cigarettes to make its way back to him.

“I didn’t leave him alone,” I shrugged, thinking back to the start of summer. “I forced him to come to my party, then I started to show up at his concerts, and the rest just came together.”

“I used to hate Teddy.” Ryder explained in a laugh. “He was so annoying and peppy, I mean he still is, but I don’t want it any other way. I blamed him for a lot of shit I had to deal with, but the whole time he just wanted to help.”

“But like, what do you guys even have in common?” One of the girls asked, looking at the two of us.

Ryder looked to me, but I could tell he didn’t have an answer. “Nothing, but at the same time it feels like everything.” I answered, laying my head against shoulder. “I hate rock music, and he hates sports, but I understand him better than I understand myself. I don’t know,” I nervously laughed. “I can’t explain it.”

“I think that’s sweet.” Joe’s girlfriend smiled, observing the two of us carefully. “How come you never talk about me like that?” She asked, looking up at him.

“Thanks kid.” He muttered, looking over at Ryder.

“You guys really need to stop doing that to them.” Brandon’s girlfriend protested. “It’s not their fault that they’re crazy about one another.” She looked over and stared down Brandon, waiting for him take her side.

“What?” he asked with a shake of his head. “They’re pretty fuckin extra when it comes to one another, but that doesn’t mean any of us are against it.” Ryder popped his head up and stared towards him, trying his hardest to lock eyes. “Are you serious right now?” He asked, but Ryder’s gaze stayed put. “Holy crap, is this about the yoko comment again?”

“It was freakin rude.” Ryder defended, calling him out on it. “Especially since Teddy’s uncle is the one who set me up with you guys.”

“Teddy, I’m sorry.” Brandon apologized turning towards me. “It was a bad joke, but it was just a joke, and Ryder,” he shifted back towards his singer and grew serious. “You should know I support your relationship. I’m not crazy about the way he dresses, or how fucking preppy he is, but just look at you, the only times I see you this peaceful is when you’ve finished a show or are with him.”

“You’d self-destruct without Teddy.” Tommy remarked in a coughing laugh.

“Would not.” Ryder argued, starting to grow embarrassed by their words.

“Would too.” I teased, lightly squeezing his hand. “But I think I would too.” I saw Joe roll his eyes and smirk to his girlfriend, but I don’t care what they think. They can judge me all they want, at the end of the day the only band member’s opinion I care about is Ryder’s.

“So a freak is dating a popular kid,” one of the girls laughed. “God that never could’ve happened at my High School.”

“I’m not a freak.” Ryder tried to defend, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew what he was.

“Then what would you call yourself?” Zach asked, testing to see what he would say.

Before Ryder could answer Brandon let out a small laugh. “Earrings that may as well be gauges, dark clothing, no friends, and you listen to metal music, you’re a freak.”

“Don’t take it so hard.” Joe shook his head. “We’re all freaks. Well except for Teddy.” I couldn’t help but uncomfortably look around at the group once more. Most of them had tattoos or piercings, while they were all covered in black. Then there was me, bright preppy clothing, and clean cut hair.

“Yeah you’re one of us.” Brandon supported, smiling towards him. “You’ve found your family.”

“Yeah.” Ryder uncomfortably shifted. “So like, you guys all went to high school together?”

“Everyone except for Cindy and Maria.” Tommy answered. “We all just kind of survived high school together, we had each other’s back through it all.”

“And we had Messiah,” Zach proudly let out, reminding us how old the band actually was. “But back then we would go by Descendants. Of course, that name got scrapped the second we got an E.P. offer, then Martin took us to go see Ryder, and the rest was history.”

“What a fucking night that was.” Brandon remarked, happily passing along one of the joints. “I still remember when I first saw Ryder, I thought he was sixteen.” He laughed, making eye contact with his singer. “But the second he opened his mouth, damn.” He shook his head.

“Oh bullshit!” Joe yelped, trying to break up their eye contact. “You were trying to convince us not to bring him on.”

“No I wasn’t!” Brandon protested, looking around at the band.

“I remember Brandon said that he had a lot of range.” I supported, trying to remember that night at the barn.

“I did.” He confidently nodded. “And I wanted to meet you,” he shifted his gaze back towards Ryder, and confidently smirked. “But Teddy denied it almost immediately, he said some stupid shit about you being drained or something. I thought it was because you’re just a kid or something, then I performed with you and,” he shook his head struggling to put the words to it. “I immediately knew what he meant.”

“That’s such bullshit!” Tommy laughed, falling back on his arms. “You were the only one voting against him as our singer.”

“Oh yeah but that was voting.” Brandon tried to wave off. “I’m taking about first impressions here.”

I felt Ryder’s hand slip out of mine as he sat up straight. “Wait.” He paused, trying to keep his eyes on Brandon’s. “You voted against me?”

“Well, yeah.” Brandon shook his head. At first he laughed about it, but his smile fell as he saw how serious Ryder was. “It’s because I knew the second you joined you would take over.” He confessed. “You, no one’s going to remember us in sixty years, they’ll remember Ryder Sullivan. I mean, fuck, the band’s even named after you.”

“No it’s not,” Ryder tried to argue. “The names Messiah, not Ryder.”

“Come on, we all know who Martin was referring to when he gave us that name.” Joe admitted. “Brandon’s right. The rest of us are just okay with it. We’re not thrilled about being nameless faces behind you, but sharing big stages with you, it’s going to be something special.”

“Guys.” Ryder forced out, looking at his band. “I-I don’t know what type of singer you guys think that I am, but,”

“Ryder it’s okay.” Tommy reassured with a smile. “We talked it over before we even let you join, don’t even think about it.”

“I don’t even know how you can try to deny it.” Zach began. “Who was everyone asking for during warped tour?”

“Ryder.” The group answered.

“And who’s autograph did everyone want?” Zach continued, staring down Ryder.

“Ryder.” they repeated.

“And who’s face wound up being our promo for the tour?” he finished with a confident gaze.

“Ryder’s!” They all shouted in laughter.

“Don’t you see it kid?” Brandon asked, trying to contain his laughter. “You write all the parts of our songs. Hell you record half of them by yourself! Then you jump on that stage, and you’re, you’re, heart stopping.”

“No one remembers the Frank Bellos, or Pat O’Briens.” Joe exhaled, looking at the guys around him. “But they remember the Jonathan Davis’s, the Marilyn Manson’s, or to put it in your world, the Chester Bennington’s.”

“I know about Korn and Marilyn Manson.” Ryder bit, leaning back into me. “And don’t talk about Linkin Park like you didn’t grow up listening to them. But I’m none of them. I’m, I’m,”

“Ryder Sullivan.” Brandon answered. “And that’s exactly why we’ll all be chasing your shadow.” Before Ryder could say anything Brandon waived the guys up and started to wander back towards the stuff. “Come on, it’s getting late.”

“Woh.” I let out, embracing my role as the kill joy. “None of you guys are sober, there’s no way that you can,”

“It’s cool.” One of the girls spoke up. “I didn’t drink anything, and only took two hits, I’ll be sober by time they get it all together.”

“Then go grab the van.” Tommy instructed, throwing her his keys. “We’ll have everything packed up and ready to go by time you get here.”

The girl nodded, and slowly made her way off into the darkness. I looked over to Ryder in hopes that he would speak up, but to my surprise he nodded and got up to help them put everything away. “I think I’ll go walk her to the van.” I offered, looking back at the outline disappearing into the darkness. “Maybe I’ll drive it up here, to help give her more time to sober up.”

“Alright.” Tommy exhaled, waving me away. “If you want to be the dad of the group, be our guest.” I shrugged, but quickly got up to my feet and continued after her. “That’s Maria by the way!” he yelped, knowing I had forgotten all the girl’s names.

“Maria!” I called out, as I finally got close enough for her to hear me. “Why don’t I drive the van back there with you, just so you can rest before you have to drive everyone home.”

“Works for me.” She remarked, slowing down enough for me to catch up. “How much shit did they give you for this?”

“Not much.” I shrugged, as I finally began to walk next to her. “Tommy just called me the dad of the group or something.”

She let out a soft chuckle before turning to me. “You’re not used to being that guy, are you?”

“No.” I confessed in a sigh. “I’m usually the one throwing the parties, or the one getting people to drink.”

“But not tonight?” She asked, seeing just how much she could draw out of me.

“Nope.” I exhaled, looking back towards the dimly lit practice area.

“Because of Ryder?” She pressured, sensing the vulnerability in my words. I shrugged my shoulders, and faced forward. “It’s okay to cut loose around him. He’s a big boy you know?”

I shook my head and turned towards her. “Trust me, if you guys knew him like I know him you wouldn’t be saying that.”

“Oh no?” She prodded, but this time I refused to answer. “Then maybe you need to talk to Brandon about all that.”

“Maybe” I muttered, as we finally approached the big white van. At first she attempted to get into the driver’s seat, but I took the keys from her and hopped in instead. It’s not like she’s really high or anything, I just wanted to give her an extra thirty minutes to get herself together. I had to face some remarks, and jokes as we pulled up but I did my best to let them roll off my back. I know they don’t like me all that much, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let them be reckless around Ryder.

As they reached the halfway point of packing up all their stuff I couldn’t help but let Maria’s words get to me. “Brandon .” I discreetly waived over, far enough to where the rest of the band couldn’t hear us.

“Is this about the yoko joke again?” He groaned, staring me down. “Look it’s,”

“What did you mean when you said Ryder was ‘sulking’?” I forced out, staring right back into his eyes.

“Nothing.” He shook his head, letting his eyes drop.

“It’s never nothing when it comes to Ryder.” I exhaled, forcing him to look back at me. “I know my boyfriend. How bad was he?”

“He was just quiet,” he finally began. “He wouldn’t say or do much all day. Just kept to himself and kept scrolling through whatever pictures he had of you until finally he shut down completely and just laid in the corner of the van.” He shrugged his shoulders and looked back towards his laughing front man. “He just needed me to hear him out is all.”

“What’d he say?” I asked, trying my hardest to dig deeper and deeper.

“That’s not for me to say.” He shrugged, turning his attention right back to me. “I like you Teddy, you seem like a good guy, and putting up with a head case like Ryder can’t be easy, but you’re walking on very thin ice. I don’t think you understand that,”

“One push could send him over the edge?” I finished for him. “I get it, I’m the outcast here. I was never bullied or pushed aside. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t seen Ryder’s pain. It doesn’t mean I don’t understand how fragile he is. So cut me a break, and work with me here.”

“I was never working against you.” He defensively let out. “I don’t get what you want here.”

“I want you to stop acting like I don’t know my boyfriend.” I yelped, trying my hardest to keep my voice down. “We’re on the same side.”

“Do you know him?” Brandon asked, raising his intensity to meet mine. “Come to the studio, and you’ll see,”

“See what?” I groaned, starting to get annoyed that my message hadn’t clicked with him.

“The look in his eyes when he’s recording, and writing. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before,” He shook his head and started taking a few steps back. “I really do like you kid, but until you really understand how deeply Ryder falls into his music, well there will always be some type of wall between you two.”

I fell quiet as he went back to loading the van. He has no idea what he’s talking about. I’ve been there with Ryder since he was in Society. I’ve seen him up on stage in front of fifty people, then again at warped tour. I’ve seen the crumpled up lyrics on his bedroom floor, and the notebook he keeps in his back pocket. I’ve seen the look in his eye when he starts to play music, and the way he connects with the crowd up on stage. I don’t care what these guys think, I know my boyfriend.

“You guys need a ride back to the house?” Tommy called out as they all piled into the van.

“Nope.” Ryder rejected, walking up and grabbing onto my hand. “We’re going to hang out here for a bit.”

“Whoop!” Zach hollered pulling the van doors shut behind him. “Getting down and dirty in a cemetery!” There was some laughter and yelping until they finally began to pull off onto the dark dirt road.

“Ignore them.” Ryder bashfully laughed. “They’re just being jerks.”

“Good, because read my lips Ryder Sullivan, nothing is going to happen between you and me in the middle of a cemetery.” I reprimanded, keeping a stern look as he slowly began to stroke my hand.

“Well my grandma’s a light sleeper, and the walls of my house might as well be made of cardboard.” He shrugged, beginning to lead me out into the cemetery. “but that’s something for us to worry about later.”

I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help but clutch his hand tightly as darkness engulfed us. “Where are you taking me?”

“Nowhere.” He smiled as the details of his face began to disappear more and more into the night air. “I just felt like going for a walk.”

“You’re so weird.” I giggled, forcing his hand to gently swing forward and back.

“Am not.” He defended in a laugh. “I’m just, just, in a reflective mood.”

“Why’s that?” I asked, trying my hardest to find his eyes through the darkness.

He fell quiet for a few seconds before letting out a deep breath. “I don’t know.” He sighed. “Maybe it was practice, maybe it was the studio this morning, or maybe it’s all the writing I’ve been trying to do, but I-I’ve just been thinking a lot lately.”

“About?” I lead, jumping on the chance to break down Ryder’s wall even more than I already have.

“The band, touring, my music, my grandma,” He nervously began. “You.” Even though I couldn’t see his face I knew he was looking at me. “I know you hate it, but do you think we can talk about my next tour sometime?”

I took in a deep breath and let my eyes drop slightly. “What about it?”

“Just that, you know, I’ll be gone for a couple of months, and,”

“Woh, woh,” I interrupted in a deep gulp. “A couple of months? As in two months?”

“Well that’s just the offer we have right now.” He stammered as the pressure from my words began to hit him. “Apparently Trivium might want to tour with us if this next album is heavy enough, and then Beartooth still really likes us so our managers are in talks, but our styles kind of clash, so I just, I thought that, I,”

“Ryder,” I forced out realizing how much damage I was inadvertently causing. “You take the tour you want to go on, and I’ll be here waiting no matter how long you’re gone.”

“It’s just that two weeks was so hard,” he anxiously exhaled. “How in the hell are we going to survive two months? And sure maybe we’ll start using hotel rooms and you can come visit but school will have started and-and,” before he could continue I quickly moved in and, as if guided by some outside force, pulled his lips towards mine. It was as though despite all the darkness surrounding us, I could just find them, like my body knew where they were.

“Ryder, stop overthinking.” I comforted as I pulled away. “It won’t be easy, but we’ll survive. Two months, three months, four months, no matter what I’ll be right here.”

“What?” he let out in disbelief. “But a few days ago you,”

“I know.” I interrupted, pulling him in closely. “But I, we have to be strong for one another,” I exhaled, remembering my dad’s words from that day. “I was being selfish, and I put you in a hard spot. It’s not fair for me to be mad and upset that you’re gone. It won’t be easy but we’ll survive.” I exhaled a deep breath and pulled him in tightly. “I’m not going to lie to you, I’m scared about the future, but I love you Ryder Sullivan.”

“I’m scared too.” He exhaled, resting in my hands.

We stood there for a few minutes just holding one another. Trying our hardest to work through our fears together. Maybe it was the excitement of finally being alone together again, or that we knew how precious our time together was, but holding one another that night, lying together, it made me feel complete. I’ll let him go on a million tours if he wants to, but at the end of the day he belongs to me.