The Hidden Ones: The Spotlight - 16. All for One

-------------------------------------------------------------Teddy---------------------------------------------------------------------

Can’t time just stand still for a little while? Can’t we just lay here together? Sure he’ll still be around tomorrow, and the day after that, but how long until his career takes off? His E.P. isn’t even out yet, but he’s already getting offers to play concerts. I know he said his spot isn’t certain, but if I know anything about my uncle, it’s that he’ll make sure Ryder is on tour soon. I guess I turned a blind eye to it all, pretended that he wouldn’t blow up this fast, pretended we would still have next year together, but I guess deep down I knew this was coming. I guess I knew I would have to adapt to who Ryder’s becoming. I mean, if that’s even what I want! He can’t even sit in the same room as my best friend without them fighting.

I let out a deep breath as our eyes connected. He is what I want, but at what price? “What are you thinking about?” Ryder finally spoke, noticing how deep I had fallen into my own head.

“Nothing.” I smiled softly. “Just stupid school B.S., you know how it goes.”

“I can’t say I do,” he teased. “But I can say that you promised to be real with me.” His eyes flashed trouble and doubt as he sniffed out my fake words. He’s learning to read me; I have to be careful about how I speak to him, about what I think around him.

“I just,” I began, but wasn’t sure what to say next. “Why do I have to be real with you, but you’re not truly real with me.” I forced out, throwing a doubt at him to mislead him from what was really on my mind.

I could tell he knew that wasn’t all that I was thinking about, but shrugged his shoulders and took the bait anyway. “I’m never really fake with you.”

“No, but you hold back,” I observed, making sure he knew I wasn’t trying to attack him. “I know it’s going to take you time to let me in, but I haven’t learned one thing about your past. You don’t even like when I spend time around your grandma.”

“I never said that,” He defended, flashing me a cautious look from the side of his eyes.

“You never had to.” I exhaled, trying to keep the conversation as calm as possible. “I get it, you’ve seen some shit, but can we ever really connect heart to heart if you never actually let me in.” His eyes drifted as he began to anxiously tap his hands. “Sorry,” I quickly forced out, remembering how delicate he can be. “I don’t want to force anything. I just hope that you trust me as much as I trust you.”

“You, not force something?” he teased. “That’ll be the day.” A smile grew on his face, but I could tell it was for show. “You’re upset I’m getting a shot at warped?” I shook my head and kept a poker face. “You’re upset I didn’t tell you about getting the shot?” he guessed again.

“I just figured I’d be the first person you tell when you got news like that.” I exhaled, taking advantage of the moment. “I thought you’d let me closer than everyone else.” His eyes drifted as my words connected with him. “I know, we really just met a few weeks ago, I was stupid to think that…”

“I didn’t hold the news because I didn’t trust you,” he interrupted. “I knew if I told you something in confidence, it would stay that way, I was just teasing you before.” He exhaled, as his glare went to his feet.

“Then why?” I shook my head. “You didn’t think I cared? You didn’t want to tell me? You don’t like me as much as I thought you…”

“I was scared what you would think if I didn’t get it.” He exhaled, biting down hard on his lip. “I didn’t want to get your hopes up, just so you could watch me fail.” I could hear the sorrow break in his words as he threw it all out there. “But then I spoke to your dad, and now,” he shook his head once more and the sorrow seemed to fade, “I don’t care if I get warped or not. I’m going to make it, no matter what it takes. I’ll be on a fuckin stage come September.” Finally, he picked his head back up, but as our eyes connected I didn’t recognize the teen I was looking at. “This is mine for the taking and I’m going to grab on with both hands.”

I took a deep breath as I saw the fire Ryder kept buried away in his heart. For the first time since meeting him, I saw Ryder believe in himself. I saw him have confidence in his abilities as a musician. More importantly, I saw the man he’s going to be, and well, the world better watch the hell out. “I’ll watch you fail a million times if it means I get to be there when you succeed,” I finally let out, as my heart began to beat faster. “I’m on this ride with you, until the end.” I nodded, reaching over and placing my hand on his.

He moved his mouth from one side to another, thinking over everything that was being said. “You know what that could mean?”

I took a deep breath and nodded my head once again. “It could mean I lose some friends. It could mean I lose some popularity. It could mean…”

“You’re alone while I tour the world,” he finished, as he thought over the harsh reality of the situation. “Can you handle that?”

I shrugged my shoulders and laid a kiss on his lips, to dissuade any more of the conversation. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

I couldn’t help but grow nervous as I saw him take in a big breath. Whatever he’s about to say, it has him shook up, and considering the last thing he just said to me, I don’t know if I want to hear this. “Can I,” he began with nervous laughter, trying his hardest to keep a serious face. “Can we…do you want to go on a date?”

“What?” I asked, with a quick tilt of my head. Did he just ask what I think?

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” he asked once more, as the trembling in his hand spread to his whole body.

“Hold on,” I began with a small smile. “You weren’t afraid to just tell me I’ll be alone when you eventually tour, but you’re terrified to ask me on a date?”

“Yeah,” he let out, as though it made perfect sense. “One is fantasizing, the other is reality.”

“Well which one is which?” I teased, letting him squirm a little bit more.

“Depends on the answer,” he nervously teased, showing that sharp wit of his.

“Ryder, the only reason we’re not dating is because you asked if we could just be in this weird middle ground.” I laughed. “Of course we can go on a date.”

“Can we go to The Barn?” he asked with a quick raise of his eyebrows. I let out a disappointed breath at the stark reminder of the guy I was falling for. “What?” he anxiously gulped. “What’s the matter with The Barn?”

“It’s a frickin barn!” I giggled, with a quick shake of my head. “Then again, I can’t think of a better place to go on our first date.”

He nodded his head, trying his hardest to hide the growing smile. “See, you’re going to,”

“Just one condition.” I interrupted as it was my turn to feel nervous. “You have to come to Mike’s baseball game in two days.”

“Fuck no,” he automatically let out without thinking. I made a face and shrugged my shoulders, knowing the silence would drive him crazier than any words I could say. “Fine,” he mumbled in a low voice. “But you have to stay next to me the whole time.”

“Through six innings,” I teased, as a genuine smile crossed my face.

“I swear to God, Teddy.” He giggled, wrapping his arm around me. “You play that game, and see what happens.”

“I’m soooo scared,” I sarcastically let out as he leaned in for a kiss.

As our kiss grew deeper, I felt a buzz begin in his pocket. He let out a disappointed sigh and threw his head back as he ripped his phone out of his pocket. “What’s up?” he began.

“My uncle?” I mouthed, as he rolled his eyes at the unknown caller.

“Worse,” he let out, not caring if it confused the person on the other end. “No, not you grandma.” He groaned. “Yes,” he interrupted an angry sounding voice on the other side of the phone. “I know what today is.” There seemed to be more yelling on the other side as I saw Ryder’s face grow angry. “Why should I care?” he growled, as the yelling grew louder. “Tell me why I should be there when he left us.” The other side of the phone grew quiet as Ryder’s words connected. Whatever he meant by that, it was cold, and seemingly heartless. “I’ll be there soon.” He sighed, as he had a sudden change of heart.

“I have to go,” he shrugged as he hung up and threw his phone back into his pocket. “My grandma’s having a freakin senile moment.” His anger soared in his eyes as he stood up.

“Alright.” I nodded, lightly grasping his hand. “Just calm down for a few seconds. It’s not going to help anything if you go there yelling.”

“It’s not going to help anything if I go there at all,” he corrected, breaking away from me and slowly heading towards the door.

I shot him a confused look and quickly got to my feet. “Why? Have you two been…”

“It’s my dad’s birthday,” he interrupted as his eyes left mine. I moved my eyes around the room trying to figure out what to say next. I mean his dad is dead isn’t he? That’s what his grandma made it sound like. That’s what he’s made it sound like. “Yeah, I don’t fucking get it either.” He grunted, reading the confusion on my face. “But my grandma insists the dead walk with us. Like she’s some sort of freaking priestess.”

“Okay.” I nodded, walking up to him and latching back onto his arm. “But you need to relax. Maybe try and understand where she’s coming from.”

“I’ve tried for the past eleven years,” he let out, still not looking at me. “But it’s not that simple. It’s not like with my mom. It’s not like he was taken.” I gulped hard as Ryder’s layer began to peel away. Whatever story lies behind his parents isn’t going to be an easy one to hear.

“You’re still mad at him?” I asked, not knowing what he’d even be mad about.

Ryder shook his head, not sure what he was feeling. “It’s not that simple,” he let out. “Mad isn’t the word. But I don’t need her telling me everything’s going to be okay. I don’t need her empty words and anecdotes. I don’t need to hear her talk about the man he was and how I remind her of him.” He shook his head in disgust. “I don’t want to hear I’m following in his footsteps.”

“What’s wrong with that?” I softly asked, hoping not to upset him further.

“I’ve seen how that story ends.” He exhaled as his eye grew dark. “I love my dad, don’t get me wrong, it’s just…” He grew silent trying to think of his next few words and angrily shook his head. I swear under it all I saw a layer of fear growing in him, as though he was petrified of something in this situation. “One day you’ll understand.” He mumbled, pulling away once more, opening the back door then tapping the button to open the garage door.

“Then you’ll tell me about them?” I examined in a quiet voice.

He took a breath and nodded his head. “Yeah.” He stood there watching the garage door for a few more seconds before turning around and giving me a tight hug. “I’m sorry I have to leave like this, I…”

“Go ahead,” I interrupted, briefly laying my head on his shoulder. “I get it. I’ll see you on Monday.” He pulled away and nodded his head before turning around and heading into the garage. I felt a cold chill creep up on me as I watched him leave. I’ve gotten to know Ryder pretty well over the past few weeks. There’s a reason for everything he does. A reason for every word he says, or doesn’t say. And for the first time since we met, I don’t know if I want to know those unsaid words.

That night and the next day I didn’t hear much from Ryder. I got texts or Snapchat’s every now and then, but nothing substantial. Mostly just him in the studio adding what I imagine were the finishing touches to his E.P. I’d be lying if I said it’s easy when he disappears like that. Even if we could just text for an hour consistently, it would mean more than his sporadic messaging. Don’t get me wrong, I know he’s not ignoring me. It’s just difficult. Especially when I have Mike in my ear about the whole damned thing!

I couldn’t help but feel nervous as I pulled into the school lot, and headed towards the baseball field. I don’t know what I’m more nervous about, the idea that Ryder might bail on me or how Mike is going to react if he does show. The nerves grew worse as I approached the gate and saw a slim teen in black anxiously waiting outside the field. At least I have my answer.

“Hey.” He nervously forced a smile. “Thought you weren’t going to show for a bit there.”

“Same here.” I laughed, as he quickly joined my side. “They already start with you?”

“No.” He shook his head. “No one’s seen me yet.” I could see in his eyes that it’d been a rough two days. Between his mental health and work, he’d been run ragged, and me pressuring him to come today definitely hasn’t helped. I nervously began to rub my fingers together as guilt filled me. Am I helping Ryder or hurting him? Has pushing him helped him grow? Or am I just pushing him towards the edge?

A couple of people said my name as I walked towards the bleachers and I did my best to play the part without leaving Ryder alone. I made sure to be polite, but never actually engage either of them in conversation. If someone wants to talk to me today, they’re going to have to come to me.

“Yo Teddy!” I heard a familiar voice boom from the dugout but could feel his spirit fall as he saw who I was with. “Where’s Blake and Liz?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged, standing on the other side of the big metal fence. “I think they’re coming. But you know Blake is, and Liz still doesn’t have her license, so that’s a whole thing.”

He snickered and rolled his eyes. “You think they’re dating yet?”

“It’s only a matter of time.” I smiled. Mike and I have been pushing them together since we were kids. I mean we know they’ve kissed a few times and that they both like each other, but neither has ever made a move. If you ask me, they’re scared they’re going to ruin the friendship.

“Blake would like a girl like Liz?” Ryder asked giving me a weird look.

“I don’t think so, but after sixteen years of friendship, things get warped.” I explained to him. “It’s not so much that he’s hopeless for her as he can’t live without her.”

“Can’t they just do that as good friends?” Ryder examined, still not understanding what I was saying.

“It’s not that simple.” Mike dismissed. “Girls and guys can’t be friends like that, it’s just too messy.”

“Aren’t you friends with Liz like that?” Ryder pointed out, trying his hardest not to sound like he was attacking Mike.

“Not the way those two are.” Mike shrugged. “I’m pretty sure they hangout every day. We’re all close, but those two bring it to another level.”

“You know they say the same shit about us, right?” I laughed, smacking the fence where his chest was.

“Especially about dating.” Mike provoked, with a troubled smile.

“You know what I meant.” I exhaled with a quick roll of my eyes.

“I know what you dream of.” He taunted, enjoying the fact that I was giving him attention. “But unfortunately, I’m as straight as an arrow.” I saw pressure fall on Mike as his teammates noticed who was standing outside the dugout talking with us. He rolled his shoulders and tilted his head, pretending not to notice their stares. “So why are you here?” Mike asked, directing his attention to Ryder. His tone wasn’t rude, but I could tell it was headed that way.

He shrugged his shoulders and turned towards me. “Ask this one,” he let out, redirecting the attention to prevent a fight.

“Baseball’s boring,” I defended with a grin. “You expect me to watch a nine inning game with Blake and Liz? You know they’ll eventually just start a side conversation and then I’ll be awkwardly stranded by myself.”

“Yeah, because no one would want to talk with you.” He sighed, seeing the flaw in my lie.

“I just…”

“It’s cool Teddy,” Mike interrupted, trying his hardest to be good about the whole situation. I know he hates how much I like Ryder, but right now, he’s being surprisingly cool about the whole thing.

“Hey Michael.” I heard another familiar voice. “Ready for your game?”

Mike’s eyes turned sour as he got his chance to let all his pent-up energy fly out. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“My school is playing on the other side. I had to come support the team.” The guy smiled my way. “Oh, hey Teddy,” he continued, stopping by me and leaning against the fence. “I didn’t notice you there.”

I rolled my eyes, and turned my back, knowing Mike would handle the situation for me. “You’re one dumb motherfucker,” Mike lashed out. I saw the shadow of the figure jump as Mike’s hand hit the fence. Confusion peaked in Ryder’s eyes as he watched the showdown happen. “‘I didn’t notice you there?’” Mike taunted in a high-pitched voice. “You stupid faggot.” I turned and watched Mike discreetly grab the bottom of the figure’s shirt and pull him towards the fence.

“Kyle!” I heard Blake call out as he approached from the other side and pushed the figure into the fence. “Long time no see!” He shouted in fake excitement. “Actually, I have something I want to talk to you about.” He smirked as Mike let go of the shirt.

“No,” Kyle began in a shaky voice. “That’s alright. I-I should probably get going. I um, I mean I have to get to the visitor’s side and all. I just wanted to…”

“Oh, I know what you wanted to do.” Blake smirked again as he grabbed Kyle’s shoulder and led him away. “Now, let me fill you in on what I want to do.”

“Blake!” Liz protested, having watched the whole thing from the behind him. “Don’t…”

“It’s cool.” Blake nodded, escorting Kyle towards the side of home plate where only home side could see them. “Oh hey!” I heard Blake’s voice energetically shout. “Is that Guy in the crowd waiting for you?”

“Teddy!” Liz yelped. “You’re not going to let him do this are you?”

“Do what?” Ryder asked, as I angrily bit down on my lip and nodded towards the direction Blake was walking in.

Ryder turned around just in time to watch Blake push Kyle away from him and catch him with a fist right to the face. “Mess with one of us, mess with all of us,” Blake shouted loud enough for everyone on this side of the fence hear. Ryder turned around in shock, not understanding what the hell he had just watched. “Phew,” Blake let out with an energetic grin. “I’ve been waiting to do that since March.”

“This one was supposed to be mine,” Mike protested as he and Blake pounded fists along the fence. Everyone from the crowd was fixated on Blake as Kyle stumbled back to his feet and quickly made his way to his side of the field.

“Oh please, I’m sure there will be plenty more chances once Liz starts dating.” Blake shrugged, clearly proud of what he had just done.

“What the hell just happened?” Ryder forced out, not even sure who to look at.

“Their version of justice.” Liz exhaled, shaking her head in disagreement. “That’s um,” Liz paused, not sure if she should even say. I turned slightly and nodded my head. He’s going to find out eventually, it might as well be now. “Teddy’s ex,” she began once more. “They dated for like a month,” she said in an uncertain voice “Then we found out he was cheating on him with that guy over there.” Liz gestured towards the other side of the diamond, and shrugged her shoulders. “They do this with everyone.”

“Not everyone,” I defended. “Just the people that fuck with us.”

“Because that makes it right.” She groaned and rolled her eyes.

“No one’s saying it does.” I exhaled, with a proud look towards Blake and Mike. “But it’s how we survive. Mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.” I repeated, echoing Blake’s words. “Don’t forget how we got where we are.”

Liz tightly shut her mouth, annoyed by the reminder of the things we’ve all had to do to become four of the most liked people in school. I saw Ryder trying his hardest to conceal a look of disgust.

“Good shit,” one of the baseball players shouted to Blake walking towards the fence. “What’d that fag do to deserve it?”

“Got too close to the sun,” Blake grunted, as the adrenaline faded and left behind the anger he was holding.

The player couldn’t help but smile at the cryptic message. “You fuckers are crazy. So, what you going to do about this retard?” He laughed, nodding towards Ryder. Another baseball player laughed, having overheard the conversation and waited patiently for the answer.

I went to speak but no words came out. This is it. My chance to stand up for him. Yet, it’s like I can’t even speak. I looked from the players to Ryder, not sure what to say. “Come on guys,” Mike nodded, reading the look on my face. “We have more important shit to worry about than pissing off the school shooter.”

“Come on Ryder.” Liz shook her head. “Let’s go sit.” Ryder kept his eyes locked on mine and without saying a word, followed Liz to the nearby bleachers.

Blake let out a long sigh and forced his eyes on mine. “One word! You couldn’t’ve said one word?”

“It’s not that simple,” I tried to defend. “That’s the whole baseball team in there.”

“It was simple enough for Mike to figure it out.” Blake interrupted me, not giving me a chance to craft a good excuse. “At least now I know which side you’ll choose.”

“I froze, alright?” I yelped, looking back at a venting Ryder. “I’m not perfect! Don’t I have room for one screw up here?”

“No.” Blake shook his head. “That’s your boyfriend, or at least it’s headed that way. You don’t get to hesitate about him. But by all means, distance yourself because he’s not cool enough.” I could see the anger in Blake’s eyes growing as he spoke. “Your last cool boyfriend was a real fucking winner.” He growled, looking over towards an ailing Kyle sitting in the visitor’s side, resting his head on another guy’s shoulder.

I took a deep breath, understanding the message and walked over to the pair on the bleachers behind us. “Ry,” I began in an apologetic tone. “Can we talk?”

He looked towards Liz who shook her head no, but he stood up anyway. “You’re weak Ryder!” she called out as we walked towards a more private area. “Don’t forgive him so easily!”

“Whose side are you on?” I heard Blake reprimand, anger still flowing.

“The side that stops Teddy from becoming an asshole!” she shouted, a little louder than intended. “But what the hell would you know about that anyway!”

“I’m a douchebag.” I exhaled, looking into his dark eyes. “I…that was my chance to defend you, to show everyone where I stood, but I couldn’t even speak.” I shook my head, realizing words were only taking me so far. A few seconds of silence passed by, and I couldn’t help but groan as Ryder stood there idly staring at me.

“I’m not annoyed about that.” He finally spoke to me, breaking his silence.

“You’re not?” I asked, surprised by the confession.

“Well I am, but I expected it,” he began to explain. “But I always figured, underneath you were a good guy, so if it ever became more than words in front of you, you would put your foot down.”

“Okay,” I let out, not sure where he was going with it. “Then you’re annoyed because…”

“Because I didn’t see that good guy do anything about Mike and Blake hitting your ex,” he forced out as a snicker escaped my lips. “See?” Ryder shook his head. “I thought you were better than that. Or at least you were ignorant and naïve to all the bad shit around here.”

“It’s not like Kyle’s innocent.” I defended. “He cheated on me Ryder.”

“Poor Teddy,” Ryder unsympathetically let out. “Must suck having something not go your way for once. I wonder how that feels.”

“Oh, come on.” I shook my head. “That’s not fair.”

“How’s it not fair?” he asked, starting to get visibly frustrated with me. “Are you going to tell me you would do the same thing if someone hurt me? Are you going to feed me empty words? Or after you break this off am I going to have to watch my back for Blake?”

“No, because no one’s going to break this off.” I started to take a stand. “And don’t you dare say you want to, because I know that’s not the truth.”

“You have no idea what I’m thinking right now. You couldn’t be more…”

“I know exactly what you’re thinking.” I interrupted him as the realization of the moment hit me. “You’re not mad I didn’t stand up for you, you’re not mad I had Blake do some dirty work for me. No, you’re smarter than that.” I shook my head, beginning to read his eyes like a book. “In fact, you’ve told me I got popular from other people’s dirty work, and hell maybe I have. But that’s a conversation for another day. Right now,” I swallowed hard growing nervous. “You’re worried because I was mad at my ex. You’re thinking that if I’m happy with you, why do I give two shits about him? You’re worried I still have my eyes on him. You still think you’re not good enough for me.”

“Because I’m not!” he shouted a lot louder than he anticipated. “Look at you, we walk in and you have people saying your name. We walk toward the dugout and all the players nod to you yet they pretend I barely exist.” He slightly bit on his lip thinking it all over. “Then your ex comes by and it throws you into a fit, yet someone says something bad about me and you don’t say a damned thing.”

“I was embarrassed,” I confessed in a low voice.

“About me?” he interrupted as his voice started to break.

“No! God no!” I stopped him before his mind had the chance to run with that thought. “About being cheated on. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t good enough for someone. And yeah, I get it, you have it ten times harder than me, but that still hurt. I still don’t know what I did to deserve it. And the shitty thing was that I didn’t even like him that much but it still eats away at me.” I exhaled, not knowing if what I was saying was helping or hurting. “I’m so much happier with you, but that indecision is still there.” I shook my head, not sure if he was connecting with my words or not. “Back there, I was vulnerable and I didn’t know what to do. So, I let Mike and Blake take over. I’m not blaming them for what happened, but, fuck, it just felt right.”

“That’s why you like Mike so much.” Ryder exhaled, slowly connecting the dots. “When your armor breaks, he acts like armor.”

“You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.” I shook my head. “It’s been that way since kindergarten.”

“You’re an ass Teddy Haner.” Ryder pulled me into a light hug. “And a douchebag. But I would never cheat on you.”

“You have to stop telling yourself you’re not good enough for me,” I lectured, holding the hug as he tried to pull away. “Even if I start acting like it. You slap me across the face because I’m not good enough for you.”

“Yeah, okay.” He sighed, not believing a word I was saying. “I’m still mad at you by the way.” He teased me and finally broke free.

“I know.” I sighed. “I’ll make it up to you tonight at The Barn.”

“You better.” He nodded, realizing that people had been staring at us the whole time.

I couldn’t help but smile as he realized how much of the public eye we were in. “See, told you I’m not embarrassed of you.”

He nodded, but I could tell the eyes made him nervous. There’s no doubt people are starting to whisper about our hug. Imagine that, something as small as a hug starting a hundred rumors. But that’s high school. More importantly, that’s what happens when the King of Popularity starts dating someone who’s not popular. But I don’t care anymore. I almost just lost him over small shit. I’m not going to let it happen again.