The Hidden Ones: The Spotlight - 40. Teddy Haner to the E.R! Teddy Haner to the E.R!

---Teddy---

As I watched Ryder step into that cab I couldn’t help but feel my heart drop. This is it, I know it is, the way he looked at me, I-I won’t see him for years. I just, if he can’t see me, I pray to god he can still talk to me. Him leaving, it would destroy me inside. I-I just can’t afford it.

Yet as the hours passed and I sat down with my parents in the living room, well the press broke news that shattered my already broken heart. I couldn’t help but read the headline over and over again as I desperately tried to piece together the words. “Ryder Sullivan sex tape leaked.”

A bright red blush engulfed my face as guilt into my heart. Really Ryder? Really? You had to videotape us somehow? You had to leak it somewhere? Yet as the news unfolded more I realized the sex tape wasn’t about me, it was him with someone else. “In the shocking ten second video we see Ryder Sullivan performing sexual acts on a new man.” The news analyst reported. “The video was posted online by a Max Shay with the caption ‘He didn’t want to pay, so I guess our dirty little secret is out’!”

At first I felt nothing as it all jumbled around in my head. He didn’t. This couldn’t be him. It-it’s fake. It’s just someone who looks like him, it has to be! My parents were speechless as they desperately tried to find words.

“I have to go call him.” I let out, trying my hardest to make it behind a closed door before I fell apart. For the second time in two weeks I found myself frantically dialing him as he refused to pick up the phone. “What? He groggily groaned, as I finally woke him up.

“What do you mean what?” I let out, as my voice began to break. “Ryder th-that video. It’s not real, is it?”

“Teddy.” He grumbled, still not fully awake.

“Cut the shit, and wake up!” I cried out, falling to the floor. “Ryder, was that video you or not?”

There were a few seconds of silence until he finally let out a deep sigh. “I don’t know what you want me to say here.”

“I-I can’t do this with you anymore.” I broke down as tears began to flow. “Come home now, get your ass here or we-we’re through Ryder.”

“I’ll see you around Teddy.” He let out as the phone clicked off.

I couldn’t help but fall to my side as cries began to let out. I’ve never felt hurt as real as this. This, it’s ten times worse than the first time I was cheated on. This it’s soul crushing, life destroying, it-it’s the end of the world I knew.

My parents and friends tried their hardest to make me feel better but I was inconsolable. I tried to call Ryder and pick up the pieces but he had changed his number, and blocked me on everything he could. He was running from me, and that, it was so much worse than the video ever could’ve been. I was out in the cold, he’d abandoned me even though I never abandoned him. I was with him through it all, and despite whatever reason he could have. Whatever crazy belief he held, this, it’s unforgiveable.

Nothing was ever the same again. Kids at school, they looked at me differently, and even though no one ever said a thing, I know they were thinking about it. Even when I got to college I was known as the kid Ryder cheated on. He’d become bigger than god, while me, I was left in the dark. He’d become the face of rock and roll, and yet it came at a giant price. Drug and alcohol problems plagued his name as he slowly fell away from the shy teen I once knew. He was on a spiral downwards, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

I turned my back to it as much as possible, but his news always found its way to me. After all, that’s hard in a house where your father blast’s rock stations around your new baby brother. My parents had tried their hardest to comfort me, but when the baby came into the world it all fell out the window. Even worse my mom had kept the name Ryder suggested! It’s not that they didn’t care but they were just, too busy.

I tried my hardest to lock myself away at school, to throw myself in my studies and never find another boyfriend again. Yet as time moved on I was ready to start trying to love again, but even then I could never find anyone. I always dated the same type, skinny jeans, band shirts, beanies. I was chasing the summer I once knew. The life I once had.

Blake nervously tapped his fingers against his glass as his wife pleaded with me to go on the blind date they had in mind. “Come on Teddy,” He finally sighed, giving into the pressure. “Just, just amuse Liz’s suggestion. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I just don’t have time to date right now, okay?” I lied, as I thought everything over. It’s funny how much time has changed us. His once messy blonde hair was now cleaned up into a business look along with the rest of his outfit. “Ever since I took over the trauma center of the E.R., it’s just been busy, okay?”

“But Teddy,” Liz exhaled, clutching her husband’s hand. Even she’s grown into another adult. Nicely kept hair with as fancy clothes she could wear. “We’re thirty-one, you, you have to start dating sooner or later or else, it, it.”

“I won’t wind up alone.” I interrupted, not wanting to hear another word. “Everything, it’ll work out. Besides I’m not ready for a family yet. I can barely handle Oliver as it is.”

“You just have to spend more time with him.” Blake recommended with a shake of his head. “He can’t help it that you shut him out.”

“That’s now how it goes.” I rolled my eyes. “I-I’m just not good with children.”

“That’s a lie and you know it.” Liz scolded, starting to stare me down.

Blake nodded his head but quieted down realizing how upset his wife was getting. “She’s right you know,” He finally supported. “After all, if you weren’t we wouldn’t be making you god father.”

His smirk fell to my face as I looked down at her pregnant stomach. Their pregnancy, well it’s been one of the most exciting moments of my life. It’s been the light in a very dark time.

“So, want to go out for beers?” Blake suggested as we stood outside the nice restaurant.

“No.” I sighed with a shake of my head. “I’m working graveyard tonight.”

“Again?!” Liz yelped, staring me down once more. “What’s the matter with you? Do you ever sleep?”

“Sure I do.” I shrugged with a smile. “Besides, someone has to work it. The emergency room doesn’t just close because we need sleep.”

“I was wrong! You are married, married to your work!” She yelped, still not able to let it go.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it from my mother.” I waved off, climbing into my car and quickly driving away from them.

So what? I love my job! That’s not a crime! I’m a damn good surgeon, and I-I can finally make people better. I can help fix them. I’ll sacrifice my whole life for that if I need to. That shift I gave it everything I had. When I say I’m a trauma surgeon people assume I don’t work much, but trust me, there are a lot more traumas than you think! I’ve seen it all from massive heart attacks to abuse victims. And as hard as it was for me to watch, well I’ve never once lost a patient. Sure, part of that is luck, but in the past three or four years I’ve been told I have the magic touch. Just like every other time in my life I was the golden boy once more, but even then, the title still doesn’t feel the same.

It had to be about seven am when I finally arrived back home, exhausted from a long day on the job. I let out a long groan as I pulled the door open to my thirteen year old brother ripping away at an old garbage bag. “Oliver,” I let out, pushing past him and to the kitchen. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Nothing.” He guiltily stopped, stepping in front of the bag. “Just looking through some old stuff Dad found in the attic.”

“Because that’s what you need, more stuff.” I exhaled as my mom began to stare me down. “Doesn’t he have school?”

“They changed his bus route; he doesn’t leave until seven-thirty now.” She nodded taking a long look at me. “So you two get an extra thirty minutes together in the morning.”

“Great.” I groaned, watching as he resumed sorting through the garbage.

“Teddy,” He nervously let. “Okay, don’t be mad, don’t freak out.” He cautioned pulling out an old black shirt. “Can I have this?”

“What is it?” I grumbled, standing up and walking back over to the bag.

“No!” he yelped, trying to pull it together before I could see it.

“It’s fine if it’s my old stuff, I just need to see what you’re talking about before I give it to you.” I lectured, pushing past him and ripping open the bag.

My heart sank in my chest as I saw it was all the old Messiah stuff from all those years ago. I went to freak out, but started to calm myself down as I saw the youth in his eyes. “Where’d you get this shit?” I moaned, looking from him to my mom. “I put this in a garbage bag for a reason. You were supposed to throw it out.”

“Believe me, I wanted to.” My dad announced climbing down the stairs with a few boxes. “That little creep’s stuff gives me bad energy, but your mother insisted it stay.”

My look grew angrier as she shrugged. “I thought you might want it again one day, maybe, maybe it’d be a memento to look back on.”

“Because that’s what I want to remember.” I pouted, beginning to sort through it myself.

“Can’t remember what you never forgot.” My dad exhaled under his breath.

I bit my lip and ignored his jab. They’ve been telling me I’m not over him ever since he broke up with me, but I am! I swear I am! “If you don’t want it, then can I keep it?” Oliver pleaded, taking a long look at me. “It can be an early Christmas present! I swear you won’t have to buy me anything in a few weeks! You can wrap this and put it under the tree if you really need to!”

I gulped as he happily held up the t-shirt and a few C.D.s in his hands. “This one’s even signed by him!” He begged, going to show it to me before pulling it away as he remembered. The hardest part of having Oliver for a brother is his love for Messiah. My dad had finally done it, he’d finally had a rock baby, but Oliver, the way he idolizes Ryder, it’s sickening. We’ve tried so many times to explain to him what Ryder is truly like, but he never put stock in our warnings. He swore there was something redeemable about him, but I don’t see it, and I never will.

I went to shake my head but as I saw a white case in his hand my heart froze. “Give me that.” I let out, grabbing it from his hand. Teddy was written in faded pen, and I immediately flipped it over to look at the once meaningful track list. “What is that?” He excitedly asked, trying his hardest to take it back.

“You want all that junk? You can have it.” I dismissed, hiding the small square behind my back. “But zero of those posters go up, and please, don’t actually wear any of those shirts.”

“I know, I know.” He happily nodded, dragging the bag towards the stairs. “I, no showing his face around here. I got it! I got it!”

I rolled my eyes as he finally managed to get it up over his shoulder. “Well that was very mature of you.” Mom approved as she took a seat at the table. “It’s not like you to do nice things for him.”

“I do nice things for him all the time.” I argued with a shake of my head. “You guys just have stupid expectations of what I should be like.”

“Alright, then is it stupid to expect you to pick him up from school this afternoon?” She asked, as I fell into her trap. “He got another detention.”

“I can do that.” I mumbled, biting back some words.

“And to take him to the grocery stores to pick up food for dinner?” My dad asked, throwing on another task.

I went to argue but nodded my head knowing it would just be easier that way. “He still can’t stay home alone?”

“We don’t like to make him.” Mom shrugged. “Besides you two need some time together. You haven’t always been the closest you could be.”

“I already said I’d do it.” I complained, throwing my head back and climbing the stairs. “I don’t need the lecture to go along with it! And I’d like to point out that whenever I got a detention I was grounded for weeks!”

“Always so moody.” My dad exhaled drawing a laugh out of my mom.

I shrugged it off and ignored their words as they took another jab at me. “Turn it down and get ready for school.” I scolded as I heard the first Messiah album began to blare from Oliver’s room.

“But dude this is so cool!” He shouted from the closed door. “It’s a C.D.! That’s so retro!”

“I don’t care what it is! I’ll come in there and snap it in two if it keeps me awake!” I barked as I finally heard the music lower.

It still kills me inside to hear his music. To hear his voice, a voice that only used to sing for me. I quickly opened one of my cabinets then slammed it shut as I threw the C.D. into it. I-I just need to sleep and forget about it all. I know I do.

Yet as I woke up I found it only harder to keep him off my mind. The world only seemed to taunt me more when I left to get Oliver. “Ryder Sullivan seen around New Jersey as he was thrown out from his newest rehab That’s three in the past month.” The radio announced. “His homecoming to find sobriety has not gone,” I turned it all down as I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t give two shits about what happens to him, but that, it doesn’t mean I have to see it.

As Oliver climbed in the car and we finally began to pull out of the school lot I saw his hand quickly raise the radio volume back up. Messiah blasted over the radio, causing me to quickly change the station. “Come on!” Oliver argued, trying his hardest to pry my hand from the nob. “You know that’s my favorite song!”

“And you know I’m not letting you play it in my car.” I spit back, pushing his hands away. “I already gave you shit today, so just let it go! Besides they’re broken up, go find a new band.”

“I’ll never find a new band!” He sulked, letting his hand fall back down. “Ryder Sullivan is the best friggin musician to ever walk the earth!”

“Watch your mouth kiddo.” I exhaled, pulling into the small grocery store lot. “Just because you’re thirteen doesn’t make you hot shit.”

“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes, forcing his door open and rushing in front of me. He wouldn’t dare to be seen with me. For being brothers we couldn’t be any more different. It’s not that we hate each other, it’s just, we have nothing in common. I still wear bright colors, but he-he wears darker clothes. He was proud of his taste in music, and wasn’t afraid to let it show. He wore his hair longer than I ever thought of, yet under it all he had the same face, and that-it was something he could never hide.

“I just texted you half the list.” I instructed as we both entered the store. “You get that half, I’ll get the other half, and we’ll knock this out in fifteen minutes.”

“Whatever nerd.” He grumbled, still upset over the car radio.

I shook my head and quickly went about my business. Desperate to get back home and relax before yet another graveyard shift. Don’t get me wrong, I hate working that late, but as I always tell everyone, I’ll do what I have to to keep that E.R. running.

As I finally collected my last item I quickly scanned through the store, desperate to find my younger brother. “Oliver!” I exhaled, finally finding him in a small isle talking to a grown man. “Oliver!” I repeated, rushing up to him. “What’s the matter with you? You can’t answer your phone?”

“I-I got distracted.” He nervously let out, still not looking at me.

“Teddy Haner.” A familiar voice froze me in my steps as it hit my ears. “I-I never thought I’d see you again, what are the fucking odds?”

I felt a scowl overtake my face as I looked over at the man. His hair slightly shorter after all these years as a bit of age touched his face, yet he was still as cute as ever. “Let’s get out of here Oliver.”

“Oliver?” Ryder repeated with a slight smile. “I never would’ve,”

“Drop it.” I scolded, looking over at him. “Now Oliver, Go!”

“But Teddy!” He pleaded. His eyes were giant as he looked upon his idol. “He’s, just talk to him, please! Give it,”

“Oliver!” I shouted, as anger entered my eyes. “Go!” I repeated in a louder voice.

“Fine!” He shouted back, angrily stomping down the aisle. “You’re the stupidest most stubborn person I’ve ever met! You always think you’re right! You,” He ranted finally disappearing around the corner.

I went to follow him, but felt a familiar touch wrap around my arm. “Wait.” He let out, stopping me in my tracks once more. “Let’s talk. What do you think about dinner one night,”

“Let’s talk?” I asked, pushing his hand away. “What do you mean let’s talk?”

“It’s a common expression.” He teased, running his hand up to his head and fixing his hair. “You, me, food, wine, some music.”

“You’re a fucking joke.” I shook my head, coldly turning to him.

“You promised you’d be here when I came back.” He called out, still not letting it go. “Don’t run away now that I’ve found you.”

“Now that you found me?” I questioned, feeling anger pulse through me. “What? You think you can just come home and everything will be the same? You think that because this is your first time back in Jersey in fourteen years everything will be okay? No wonder people say you have a drug problem!”

“That’s a low blow.” He shook his head.

“No, it’s not. You want to know a low blow?” I asked, feeling myself lose more and more control by the second. “You leaving me when I needed you! You cheating on me when I was at my weakest!” I yelped, stepping closer to him. “You’re the biggest mistake in my life Ryder Sullivan! You destroyed me! You ripped it all away from me! And for what? You were too scared of me?! You’re selfish you know that?” I asked but got no reply. “I should’ve never fell for you! I should’ve never given you a chance! I should’ve never invited you to my party! I should’ve left you alone the way everyone used to! After all, isn’t that what you did to me?”

I heard him let out a deep breath as I turned around and walked away. I don’t care if it makes me a dick. I don’t care how much I hurt him. I’ve been holding that in ever since the day he cheated on me. Ever since he made me stop believing in love.

Yet as I made the turn I saw a shocked Oliver standing still. He let the basket fall from his hand as our eyes connected. “Don’t talk to me anymore!” He shouted, running headfirst out the front door.

“Oliver.” I groaned, letting my own basket fall and chasing after him. “Oliver come on!” I pleaded as he kept his back to me. “You don’t understand, okay? This isn’t some old friend I just ran into! I don’t care if you think you know him, this-it wasn’t cool for me! He’s not the man you think he is.”

“Like you would know that?” Oliver forced out, too upset to speak. “Like you could ever understand what he means to kids like me? To all the hidden ones? You don’t, because people like you are the reason we’re hidden!”

“Get in the car.” I shook my head and bit my tongue. “I don’t need to take this from you.”

“That’s right! Keep running from it!” He continued to shout as I pulled him towards the car. “But you have to get over him, or talk to him! You can’t stay in the middle!” He lectured, no doubt repeating something he had heard our mother say.

“Well we just spoke, and I wasn’t too crazy about how it went.” I dismissed, slamming my door behind me. A crowd had gathered outside the store to see what the yelling was about, and as we drove past it I saw Oliver dejectedly waved to the familiar man dressed in black. Ryder forced a small smile and waved back.

The second we pulled back into the house Oliver ran ahead and straight to his room, slamming his door behind him. “What the hell was that about?” Dad asked as I stepped through the front door.

“Nothing.” I shook my head, grabbing my white coat off the rack.

“That doesn’t look like nothing.” He reprimanded, stepping into the living room. “What happened?”

“Your son found Ryder Sullivan.” I sarcastically smiled. “Out of all the stores in New Jersey, he had to go to this one?”

“Oh.” My dad gasped, taking a long look at me. “What’d he say to him?”

“God only knows.” I rolled my eyes. “I pulled them apart before I could hear. Then I sent Oliver to go finish up the list, and, I-I just lost it on Ryder.” I exhaled as my weight fell into a chair.

“How so?” He asked, taking a long look at me.

“Just letting him have it.” I shook my head. “Yelling about old shit that doesn’t matter anymore, but I-I needed that. I needed to get it out for once. But when I saw Oliver after,” I sighed, looking to the floor. “He looked at me like I was some sort of monster.”

“I tried my hardest to keep him from listening to Messiah, you know I did.” My dad began, not sure how to react. “But they’re so damn big, it’s like they’re on every single radio station, and he, he just clung to Ryder’s words. I’m sorry Teddy,”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” I interrupted, knowing he had always carried guilt about the way it ended. “It’s not your fault I fell for him, and it’s not your fault he used me.”

“Yeah.” My dad sighed once more. “I-I can see you’re trying to run out to work early, but can you at least try and talk to Oli? Even if he says he won’t listen, well, he’ll still be listening.”

I threw on my white coat as I stood up and rolled my eyes but did as he asked anyway. Oliver can hate me for a lot, but this is one thing I won’t let him hold against me. He has no idea what the hell he’s talking about with any of it! And I won’t let him get brainwashed by a drug addict.

“Oli.” I groaned, slowly opening his door.

He went to give me the silent treatment but as I stepped inside his young patience quickly faded. “I’m playing Messiah in here, so you should probably go.” He grumbled, rolling over and turning his back to me. “Or you might yell at the speakers.”

“That’s not fair.” I grumbled, taking a seat on the side of his bed. “Fine, you can like his music, but you can’t ignore what I’ve told you about him. Whether you believe it or not I dated him. I-I know him like no one else in his life. Even seeing him today, I could tell, we just, we know one another.”

“So then why push him away?” Oliver forced out. “You finally found him again.”

“I haven’t been looking for him.” I corrected before he could get the wrong idea. “I’ve been trying to get away from him, that’s what you do after someone cheats on you, after they treat you like shit.”

“But he wasn’t like that!” Oliver argued, trying his hardest to get me to see his side. “He was so nice! Then, then when I told him I was your brother, he started telling me old stories! I didn’t know that mom and dad paid for him to go on warped tour! He told me he still owes them,”

“Drop it.” I interrupted as the words became too much for me to bear. “Just, let it go Oli. You already have his signature, and now you finally got to meet him,” I shook my head. “Isn’t that enough?”

“Not when I know that,”

“You don’t know anything!” I lost my temper as his youthful ignorance wore me down. “You want a fun fact from the past? I inadvertently taught him how to play people! I accidently showed him how to pretend like you want thing then go after the other. That’s what he did to me, and it’s exactly what he was doing to you in the store!” I lectured, standing up and heading towards the door. “Don’t fall for his tricks. He’s an asshole who uses people.”

“The only asshole I saw at the store today was you!” Oliver bit back as water filled his eyes. “Just go already! No one wants you here!”

I slammed his bedroom door behind me as I stomped down the stairs, eager to just be at work. “Spoke to him.” I let out as I reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Can’t you two ever just talk without fighti,”

“Nope.” I interrupted, slamming the front door behind me.

They just don’t get it. Oliver and I, blood is the only thing that connects us. I don’t see his side of things, and he doesn’t see mine. That’s the way it’s always been, and the way it’ll always be. I’m just too old to bond with him, it’s shitty but it’s the way it played out.

As I got to work I found myself in mounds of paper work. I’m five hours early, and yet I still feel like there aren’t enough hours in my workday. There’s just so much to do, and no matter how much medicine has advanced, well it can never keep up with how fragile people are.

“Dr. Teddy Haner to the prep room.” The voice over the intercom sounded off snapping me out of my own head. “Dr. Teddy Haner to the prep room.”

I quickly stood up and rushed to the small white room. This is it. This is what I was made for! If there’s anything that can free my mind from what’s happening at home, it’s this!

“You sure you’re not part cyborg Dr. Haner?” One of the nurses teased, as I quickly threw on a mask, gloves and hairnet.

“I wish, then I wouldn’t have to sleep.” I teased, with a shake of my head.

She let out a short laugh as a few more supporting surgeons entered the room. “Dr. Haner,” One of the surgeons let out in surprise. “I thought you didn’t start until midnight.”

“I don’t.” I shook my head. “But I came in early for paperwork, and I guess they need me.”

“They do.” One of the head nurses poked her head in. “We have a major trauma coming in now, and it-it’s not good.”

“Wouldn’t expect it to be.” I shook my head, quickly leading everyone out towards the surgery room. “Give me the rundown.”

“Young male, thought to be a suicide attempt, has taken an unknown amount of various prescription pills and methamphetamine,” She began, trying her hardest to sum it all up.

“Well that’s not so bad.” I interrupted, already running through a million procedures. “We’ll pump his stomach, and make sure that it hasn’t run into his digestive tract yet.”

“That’s the issue.” The head nurse groaned as we waited for the paramedics to bring the patient in. “His liver is already starting to shut down. God only knows when he took them, and how much he’s abused drugs in the past. “

“Well we’re not here to judge.” I reminded her as I heard shouts in the nearby tunnel. “We’re here to help. How’d they find this guy anyway?”

“A cop saw lights on in that abandoned house up in Skyline cemetery,” She began once more as my heart froze. “and sure enough, our patient was there in his own vomit.”

“Skyline cemetery?” Was all I could manage before the small bed was pushed into our room.

As I saw the body I couldn’t believe my eyes. This, it’s, it’s him. I shut my eyes then reopened them as Ryder was moved to the surgery table. His skin was as white as snow as his glazed eyes sunk into his head. It, it looks like I’m about to perform surgery on a dead body. Like he’s already gone.

“He’s seizing.” The head nurse shouted, snapping me out of my own head.

No matter what happened in the past. No matter what he’s done. I-I won’t lose him. I’ve never lost anyone before, and I won’t start now! I promised him I’d be there for him at the very end, but this, it won’t be it. Hang on Ryder Sullivan. I’m coming for you.