Rivers of the Dead - 17. 2-6 - Boundaries

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A stack of post-it notes floated in the air in front of Ethan. They were heavier than he'd expected, though he managed to maintain his grip on them anyway. He had the rune circle to support him, as well as the candles to guide his focus. Liz had made it clear that both were nothing more than tools—and not requirements—for magic, but he liked the thought of having these extra materials, at least for now.

They were like training wheels, giving him the ability to feel secure before he was ready to ride on his own. He drew solace from the tradition of magic which preceded him, the wisdom of the ancients telling him that this had all been done before, so surely he could do it again. Ancient runes and scented candles might not have been a requirement, but he would use them until he was ready to do things that had never been attempted before.

This, he knew, was something to hold back from Liz. Over the few weeks they'd been studying together, it was clear she preferred to keep her magic restrained only to things tested and true. She didn't care to experiment while Ethan was the opposite. He wondered if she'd been the same way before Caleb had been lost to the magics and reinforced her unwillingness to try new things. Or, had she once been like Ethan, ready to move on to bigger and better things without guidance.

"You're a natural," Liz said. "I'm impressed."

Ethan let the post-it notes drop to the floor as he turned to regard her with delight. "How come you've never taught me any of this before?" He asked. "Imagine what we could've done together!"

"Every time I've ever brought up magic, you told me your parents wouldn't approve and gave me a sad look," Liz replied, shrugging. "I decided I'd better stop trying."

Ethan felt anger seep into his emotions at the mention of his parents, ruining his attempt to pick the post-its back up and play with them again. "Figures," he said, swiping at the candle's flame next to him in annoyance. "They ruin everything."

"Ethan . . ." Liz said carefully. He hated it when she took on that mothering tone with him, but he respected her, too.

"Yeah?" He asked, looking up and giving her a chance to explain her tone.

Liz reached out and touched his arm gently. "Your parents love you."

Ethan shrugged her hand off. "Sure. They just don't know me, and that's why they ruin everything." He blew out the candles surrounding him and then stood. His room smelled like incense, and he was sure his parents would question what he'd been doing, even if they wouldn't be back until tomorrow. They were currently at his little brother's hockey game in Rocksburg. He considered making a quick trip to the grocery store to buy air freshener.

"Have you considered trusting them?" Liz asked.

Ethan gestured down at the meditation mat and candles. "With this?"

"I guess you have a point."

Ethan walked over to his bed and flopped down, covering his eyes with the back of his hand. "They want me to see a counselor," he said morosely.

"About Caleb?" Liz asked.

"That's what they say," Ethan said, rolling over and raising himself on one arm to stare at Liz, "but I think it's really about me being gay."

Liz stood then, too, and came over to sit on the bed next to him. "Why do you think that?"

"Because they keep avoiding the subject," Ethan said, sighing. He rolled onto his back again and continued. "At first I thought they might've just forgotten along with everything else, but then my mom asked me if we're spending all this time together because you're my girlfriend."

"Ew," Liz said, getting up and walking away, raising her hands as if she didn't want to touch anything. "I mean, no offense, but you're like my brother. I genuinely can't even picture you that way."

"Right," Ethan nodded slightly, ignoring her visceral reaction. He was a little hurt that she felt that way, but on an intellectual level he understood it perfectly. "You're Caleb's twin and my older sister. I remember how it works. I'm not offended. Though I'm probably going to hold it against you forever that neither of you thought of trusting me with Caleb's sexuality."

"Need I remind you that you didn't trust us, either?" Liz asked. Ethan shrugged, and she sighed deeply. "Anyway, what did you say to that? Them asking about us being together?"

"I've started to grow so accustomed to them knowing about me being gay, I didn't think about it. I reminded her that I didn't swing that way, and she had an 'oh yeah' moment, but her eyes were kind of disappointed."

"That doesn't mean they don't love you."

"I didn't say it did," Ethan said, sitting up in his bed and scooting backward so his back rested against the headboard. He couldn't seem to get comfortable, and though a part of him knew it was just the subject matter of the conversation, he was still going to try different positions until the pain went away. "I just wish they knew how to communicate that 'love' better than 'you need counseling because we love you'."

"Are you sure it's not just because of Caleb?" Liz asked.

"I haven't spoken much about Caleb since . . ." Ethan sighed deeply and gave up trying to be comfortable. It definitely wouldn't happen now. "Since he died," he finished at last. "Not with them, only with you."

Liz nodded. "That's probably why they think you need to see a counselor. It's been what, three weeks since you came back? That's a lot of time to not speak about your dead best friend."

Ethan folded his arms and said through gritted teeth, "He's not going to stay dead."

"No," Liz sighed. "I guess not."

"You really don't believe we can get him back, do you?" Ethan hissed.

"Ethan, he exchanged himself for you," Liz said. "The only sure way I know to bring someone back from the dead would be another exchange, because I wasn't even fully convinced it would work the first time. I still haven't found a spell that does it outright. I'm not convinced it's possible."

"You're wrong," Ethan said with determination. "It's okay. Remember, I'll be the one performing the spell, anyway."

Liz cracked a smile which Ethan believed was supposed to look encouraging, but he didn't buy it. At least she was there, though, and she still intended to teach him. "Right, I remember," Liz said softly.

But he didn't want to hammer at the issue anymore, not when they were already so bent out of shape. He sighed and rested his head against the wall behind him, closing his eyes. "Well, I guess I'll go see the counselor, but I'm not going to talk to him about Caleb. What would I say to the guy? My best friend gave his soul up for mine so now I'm focused exclusively on getting enough power to get him back? How do you think that'll go over?"

"About as well as any counseling visit I've had when I've mentioned magic, I bet." Liz laughed.

Ethan laughed with her, but a memory sparked within him and changed his entire demeanor. "Mr. and Mrs. Nield want me to go visit them, too," he said.

"Yeah," Liz replied in almost a whisper, "me, too."

"I don't know what to say to them, either. Especially since it's my f—" Suddenly the post-it notes hit Ethan in the face. He rubbed where they hit and looked at them, then at the scowling Liz. "Ow! What the hell was that for!?"

"If you fucking say it was your fucking fault, I will fucking kill you," Liz said. He could sense the power surging through her, but it was slowly receding; he realized she'd thrown the post-it's at him with magic. She'd channeled pure anger, funneling it into telekinesis. This, although frightening since the anger was directed at him, intrigued Ethan.

But he shoved his curiosity aside with the iron will he'd been slowly developing so he could address the anger Liz expressed. "What the hell?" he asked.

"Caleb chose to exchange his soul for yours," Liz said menacingly. "He made the choice. Just as you chose to kill yourself. We're the only ones to blame for our actions. Stop trying to take the blame for other people's responsibilities."

They stared at each other for nearly a minute, neither saying anything as they fought for dominance. Eventually Ethan was the one who cracked, lowering his gaze as he said sullenly, "Fine. But I still don't know what to say to Caleb's parents."

"Yeah," Liz said, collapsing over the foot of the bed and covering her eyes with her hands, rubbing them. "Me neither."

Ethan glanced down at the post-it notes and exerted his will over them, channeling his pure sullenness to make them levitate, thinking about how he might throw them back at Liz while she wasn't expecting it.

"So, should we get back to work?" He asked, managing to keep the notes floating as he spoke. "Maybe we can bring Caleb to dinner at his parents' house next week?"

"You're a long way away from doing that. We're only levitating office supplies with a full circle, and you're talking about resurrection. Let's get back to the work on the basics, shall we?" Liz asked. And then she got up from the bed.

"Yes, sensei," Ethan said, letting the notes drop back to the bed next to him. He didn't need her to know he could already do it without her. It was his first time, but he was certain he could levitate more and heavier items by the end of the week. Liz wouldn't approve, but the more he learned, the closer he'd be to growing powerful enough to resurrect Caleb.

Liz turned around at that and said, "I thought I told you to stop calling me that."

"You got it, sis," Ethan said. "Now, please, teach me everything you know."

Don't forget to comment and react to this chapter! Also, special thanks to my Patreon Supporters: Michael, Bill, Charles, Amr, Don, James, Joe, Jos, Mark, Mark, Paul, Steve, John, Frank, and Sam. Couldn't have done it without them. Email me at Samuel.D.Roe@gmail.com to be put on my mailing list!