Rivers of the Dead - 24. 3-3 - Love's Revelation

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"Ethan?" Caleb called. "Ethan!?"

"You're calling to him?" Orpheus asked. "Interesting tactic. There's what, billions of people in this city? I'm sure he'll hear you."

Caleb glanced darkly at Orpheus. "You're not helping. Where's that guidance you promised?"

"I told you," Orpheus replied, "use love."

"And how exactly should I go about doing that?" Caleb asked.

"Reach out with your heart and find him," Orpheus said. "That's the best thing you can do."

Caleb was about to protest that this, too, didn't really help, and then he realized he'd done it before. He'd done it the day Ethan died, when he'd read Ethan's text and knew exactly where he'd be. He knew in his heart that Ethan would be somewhere he felt a connection to those he loved, and if Caleb attached himself to that connection, he could find Ethan.

Looking within himself, Caleb closed his eyes and felt for something familiar, searching everything around him for something Ethan would be drawn to. A warmth overtook him, and he stepped toward it, then opened his eyes. The street ahead seemed familiar somehow, and he knew the path would take him to answers.

"This way," Caleb said, walking down the street toward the warmth.

"That's the spirit!" Orpheus said exuberantly.

They walked for a couple of blocks, and the buildings began to shift around them. As they proceeded, the road began to curve, and suddenly they were on small-town suburban streets.

"Where is this?" Caleb asked, then glanced at a familiar street sign, amazed at its presence. "Wait, how'd we get here?"

"You're in your hometown," Orpheus said. "Figures it would be around here somewhere. After all, it's still your afterlife."

"Yeah, but now where do I look?" Caleb asked. "I can't feel his presence anymore."

"His home?"

At Orpheus suggestion, Caleb began walking through the familiar streets of his hometown. He knew how to get to his house, Ethan's house, Liz's house, and the park from anywhere in town, and it didn't take him long to navigate the streets to arrive at the Pallet residence.

No one occupied these streets as they had in the rest of Elysium. This place appeared to be entirely a construction of his own mind, uninhabited except by the ghosts he placed there. The problem was, the house felt almost as dead as the town did.

"He isn't here," Caleb said, shaking his head. "I know he isn't here."

"Why?" It wasn't really a question from Orpheus, more like a suggestion, getting Caleb to think about the rules of the land. Caleb recognized its purpose, and tried to step outside the issue and see it differently. The answer clicked almost immediately.

"No, of course he's not here . . ." Caleb said, turning to look in the direction of the city park. "I need to go somewhere important to him. Somewhere he'd be happy."

"You're learning," Orpheus observed. "Good."

They walked in silence. Seeing the streets so deserted was surreal to Caleb, yet not entirely uncomfortable. He'd often wondered what his town would look like if no one lived there anymore, if he and Ethan and Liz had the place entirely to themselves. He walked past places where he and Liz had ridden bikes together, and the first and last place he'd ever used a skateboard when he broke his leg.

He took the long way, remembering that time flowed differently here, and he walked past the high school, seeing it was just as empty as the rest of the town. He considered walking through the halls, getting lost in the empty feeling as he remembered all the different things he'd done and seen in those once crowded halls.

A short way from the school, he kicked a pebble and was brought back to the present. He smiled, and ran the rest of the way to the park.

"What's with the park?" Orpheus asked when Caleb pulled up short a few yards away from the maintenance shed.

"This is where he died, but it's also where we spent a lot of our time together," Caleb explained, heading around the back of the shed. "Just around the shed here, there's a secret spot—"

. . . He could hear Ethan laughing before he approached, the delighted sound of a twelve-year-old having the time of his life. Liz giggled in response, and it made Caleb rush toward the break in the hedges, wanting to know what all the excitement was about.

As he came bustling through the bushes, he saw Ethan sprawled against his favorite tree, a comic book in his hands, Liz lying next to him, reading over his shoulder. Ethan heard Caleb's approach and lowered the comic book before Caleb could see what it was.

"Hey, Caleb!" Liz said, standing to greet him. "We thought you'd never make it!”

"Yeah, about time, slowpoke," Ethan said, holding out the comic book to him. "Check this out!"

Caleb took the comic, his eyes widening in shock. It was the new issue following their favorite shared superhero. Ethan never had the money for such things, and his parents rarely approved, so to see it in Ethan's hands was a thing of wonder. "You have the new issue? No way!?"

"Yeah. My parents actually bought it for me," Ethan said, holding his hand out to take the book back. Instead of giving it back, Caleb sat down next to Ethan and opened it up so they both could see. "Strange, since it has demons in it and stuff."

"No way, demons?" Caleb asked. "That's wicked! He's never fought demons before!"

"You two are hilarious," Liz said, rolling her eyes. "Demons don't exist. And I would know, I'm studying magic."

"Shut up, Liz," Ethan scolded.

Liz crossed her arms and said in a huff, "Maybe I should just leave you two alone with your superheroes."

"Don't be a spoilsport. It's not like we're trying to exclude you. Just a second ago, you said you didn't like it," Caleb replied.

"Caleb, check this part out!" Ethan said excitedly, drawing both Caleb and Liz's attention back to the page. It showed a clear image of the hero bashing the face of a monstrous demon in with his fist.

"Man, that looks so cool!" Caleb said.

"Boys!" Liz exclaimed.

They continued to read the comic, Caleb inching closer until his shoulder touched Ethan's. He became acutely aware of the thin pieces of fabric separating them along with the distinct scent of strawberries touching his nose. He breathed in deeply, realizing the scent came from Ethan's hair, and was accompanied by a touch of sweat and the earthy scent of the dirt around them. He smiled, amazed at how good the mixture smelled, and then smiled even wider when Ethan turned his head toward Caleb, his eyes dancing in the morning light . . .

"What do you see, Caleb?" Orpheus asked as the memory faded.

"It's just a memory."

"Of Ethan?"

"Yeah. It's the day I fell in love with him," Caleb said, breathing deeply. He could still smell the strawberries. "I remember, we sat there, reading that comic book together, and we leaned into each other. His shoulder touched mine; I could smell the scent of his soap mixing with his own scent and the scents of the world around us. When he looked at me, showing me the part he was so excited about, those eyes . . . so full of life and happiness. It was a perfect moment, ya know?"

Orpheus nodded, looking around the park. "Maybe he's here."

"No," Caleb said, "it's just a memory."

"It's not always that simple," Orpheus replied. "Stay awhile, reach for him."

Caleb did as instructed, and soon another memory took hold of him.

. . . Caleb looked up as Ethan came around the corner of the shed. He'd grown a lot in the last year, but he was still skinny and short for a fourteen-year-old. His size didn't matter to Caleb, though. It was the way he smiled and the way his eyes lit up whenever Ethan talked about one of his interests that really had hold over Caleb's heart.

He loved the way Ethan moved, loved everything about him. "Hey," Caleb said, "Liz isn't going to make it today."

"So it'll just be you and me?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah," Caleb replied as Ethan sat down at the tree across from him. "She said she has homework."

"She should really do that before summer vacation to avoid summer school," Ethan replied, snickering. Caleb realized, however, that the laughter didn't quite reach Ethan's eyes. Something was bothering him. Caleb could always tell when something bothered Ethan, because he knew what to watch for. He couldn't stop watching.

"Yeah," Caleb said, coughing as he pulled his knee up to disguise his quickly tenting crotch. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Just talk," Ethan said.

"Really?" Caleb asked, trying to sound less interested than he was. If he let out the amount of exuberance he felt about just talking with Ethan, Ethan would think he was high.

"Yeah . . ." Ethan said. "Do we have to do something?"

"No. I just find it a little surprising," Caleb replied, trying to cover up his awkwardness. "You sound like something's bothering you."

"Yeah, something is," Ethan admitted. He was silent for a moment, then he plucked a blade of grass and started fidgeting with it. "Hey, do you think I'm some kind of Jesus Freak?"

"No," Caleb replied firmly. "You don't act like most of the kids at your church."

"Yeah . . ." Ethan said absently, looking away, staring at the back of the shed as he ripped the blade of grass in two. "I don't think I believe in that stuff."

"Really?" Caleb asked. "I don't go to church, so you probably already realize it, but I don't think I believe in it, either."

Ethan nodded. He returned his attention to Caleb and said, "Yeah. I'm pretty certain I'm an atheist."

"Wow, really?" Caleb asked.

"Yeah. I don't . . ." Ethan shook his head forcefully. "I think if there's a God, he pretty much has to be a real asshole."

"Shit," Caleb laughed, "Ethan, you never swear."

"Why worry about swearing if there's no God?" Ethan asked, smirking. "No afterlife? Nothing? Who's gonna punish me, my parents?"

"I don't mind," Caleb replied, smiling encouragingly. "Hell, I think it's pretty cool."

"Thanks, Caleb," Ethan said, grinning wide. "I'm glad I can talk to you about things like this."

That grin almost sent Caleb over the edge. He wanted to hug Ethan and let him know everything would be all right, but instead he held back, adjusting the position of his legs again and realizing if he got up anytime soon, Ethan would immediately know just how cool Caleb thought it was . . .

"Is everything all right?" Orpheus asked.

Ethan was an atheist. The thought reverberated through Caleb's mind like a voice in a cave. He had no other thought. He knew what that meant. "Yeah, just . . ." He shook his head. "He's not here."

"You're sure," Orpheus observed.

"Yeah," Caleb replied. "Let's move on." He'd left Ethan in the Warden's care, wandering in the darkness without even going toward the light. Ethan had never entered the afterlife, never even saw the rivers or Elysium or endured the trial at Cocytus. Ethan was left in darkness, and Caleb had abandoned him once again.

"Don't you want to keep looking in your hometown?" Orpheus asked. "If he's anywhere, he's going to be here."

"No. I . . ." Caleb said. Goosebumps appeared across his flesh, his body began to shake. "I need to escape."

"What do you mean, you need—" Orpheus began, but then his expression shifted to one of pure annoyance. "Hang on. I'm sorry, Caleb, but I have to take care of something."

And then Orpheus folded sideways and disappeared from sight, leaving Caleb alone in the park he'd created from his own mind. Caleb didn't care, he wanted to be alone anyway.

As he walked, his foot kicked at a small pebble, but he didn't notice. The pebble bounced and landed inside of his shoe, coming to rest underneath his heel. It hurt, but Caleb didn't care. At least the pain meant something.

Don't forget to comment and react to this chapter! Also, special thanks to my Patreon Supporters: Michael, Bill, Charles, Amr, Don, James, Joe, Jos, Mark, Mark, Paul, Steve, John, Frank, Sam, Matthieu, and Ben. Couldn't have done it without them. Email me at Samuel.D.Roe@gmail.com to be put on my mailing list!