Beaten and Afraid - 2. Whole New Life

Whole New Life:

Luke joked around with Daniel before choosing some horrible Jerry Springer-like television show that was arguing over drunken parents to watch which upsetting the shit out of Daniel. “Luke, can you find something else to watch please?" Daniel put his headphones on turning up the volume listening to Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer.”

Luke looked at Daniel, “Sorry Daniel,” He shut the television off, “I wasn’t even thinking about…” Luke felt ashamed.

“It’s fine Luke, I know that part of my life is over,” Daniel sighed, “I’ll feel better once your Mom is here. At least then I’ll know when I leave here it’s with you,” He stared out the window, “I wonder…”

Luke looked out the window trying to figure what Daniel was looking at, “You wonder what?”

“Uh,” Daniel glanced at Luke and then shifted his eyes at the door, “Nothin’.”

“Daniel we grew up together,” Luke shifted in his seat, “you’re the worst liar I know. Even when we were little and messing around with the newspaper and it fell into your Mom’s Koi pond, your Mom didn’t fall for the paperboy threw it there,” He laughed, “ Daniel the pond was in your backyard.”

Daniel smiled at Luke thinking, “Maybe I can tell him my secret. He hasn’t ever turned his back on me after all these years.” Daniel shifted his weight around on the bed to alleviate some of the pain in his side which elicited a grimace, “Luke I need to tell you something, just promise not to hate me, okay?”

Luke got a serious look on his face using his finger to draw a cross over his heart, “I promise man, what is it?”

“Luke I… I’m… gay,” Daniel squeaked out.

Luke smiled at Daniel, “Ok.”

“Just okay?” Daniel sat the head of the bed up more, “You’re ok with me being gay?”

“Dork, I would be in real trouble if I wasn’t,” Luke laughed at him, “Daniel I’m gay too, you really are a blonde. I’ve told you I love you so many times that it should have made sense to you.” Daniel brushed his blonde hair out of his eyes and smiled.

“What about your Mom?” Daniel asked with concern.

“Mom knows and supports me for who I am,” Luke walked over placing his hand on Daniels, “She will be fine with you too Daniel.” Daniel visibly relaxed and blew out a long slow breath. Candice came in as the boys were finishing eating lunch carrying a large manila envelope with a smile on her face, “It’s a done deal, Daniel!” She noticed Luke’s hand on Daniel’s and smirked, “Is there something I should know about the two of you?” Candice kidded as Daniel pulled his hand away from Luke’s.

“Uh,” Daniel’s eyes shifted between Luke and his Mom, “N… No… Ma’am.” Luke looked at Daniel and frowned.

“Daniel you’re a horrible liar. Tell me, whatever it is we can get through it together as a family,” Candice said as she brushed her hand over Daniel’s cheek, which caused him to flinch. “Baby nobody’s going to ever hurt you again.”

Daniel sighed with resignation, “I told Luke…” He chewed on his lip for a second, “I’m g… gay.”

“It’s fine baby boy, you’re fine just the way you are,” Candice smiled warmly, “Nobody will hurt you as long as I’m alive.” Daniel felt as if his life was taking a turn for the better. “Once the doctor signs your discharge papers we’re all going home, Daniel. Shelly should be home from school in a little while and she is going to throw the lasagna I made in the oven so we have a nice family meal.”

The doctor gave Candice Daniel’s discharge papers along with restrictions that he was to adhere to for the next two weeks.

*****

The car wasn’t even stopped in the Miller’s driveway and Luke hopped out of the headed to Daniel’s side of the car. “Here,” Luke offered his hand, “take my hand. Easy…” He said as Daniel gingerly emerged from the car, “Let's get you in our house.” Candice shook her head with a smile at Luke’s behavior with Daniel, she bubbled over with pride seeing the love that flowed from her son as she followed behind them up the sidewalk and into the house.

By the time Daniel made it in the door every fiber of his body was filled with pain. Luke ushered him to the large overstuffed couch and got him to lay down to rest. Luke ran upstairs to grab a pillow for Daniel, but by the time he returned Daniel was soundly asleep. Luke pulled the throw off the back of the couch covering Daniel and walked into the kitchen.

Shelly was cutting up vegetables for the salad she was making when Luke walked in, “How’s Daniel Lukey?”

“He’s sore, and I think he’s afraid of getting hurt still,” Luke went on to describe Daniel’s reaction to the television show and about how he flinched when their Mom placed her hand on his face.

“Lukey that’s horrible,” Shelly dumped the vegetables into the salad. “Danny shouldn’t be afraid here we gotta help him realize that,” Shelly started digging through the cupboards finding a chocolate cake mix and fudge icing, “Where’s Danny now?”

“I helped him lay down on the couch and went to get him a pillow but he was asleep before I came back down,” Luke said with concern, “Shelly, I love him.” She nodded her head, “No, I mean I love him, love him.”

“Lukey you should have Danny’s blonde hair at times,” Shelly quipped as Candice walked into the kitchen and giggled.

“Shelly’s right Luke. We’ve both known how much you’ve loved Daniel for a long time,” Candice sat on the barstool at the end of the counter. “Do you remember when you were like six years old and refused to take a bath if Daniel couldn’t take a bath with you? Or when… you both played little league and he got hit in the face with a line drive, and you ignored the ball and ran straight to Daniel?” Candice paused to look at Luke, “Then when his Mom died the only person that could console him was you, Luke. You’re the one friend he didn’t shut out, even after his father started beating him.”

“I’d do anything for him, Mom,” Luke looked at his Mom worriedly, “How do I make his pain go away Mom?”

“Just be there for him Luke,” Candice stood up and closed the distance to Luke wrapping him in a hug, “Sweetheart his bruises and broken bones will heal easily. The emotional scars might never go away, you just have to love Daniel for who he is, and make sure he knows you’re not gonna turn and run from him when he needs you,” Candice kissed Luke’s forehead. “Why don’t you go in the family room and check on Daniel,” Candice shooed him away so she could help Shelly make the chocolate cake.

Shelly looked at Candice, “Mom I don’t want Danny to be afraid of living here.”

Candice nodded in agreement, “It’s a feeling he’s going to have to overcome honey, I think he needs to speak to a counselor or maybe we should find a support group that could help him with his emotions,” Candice set the table and then grabbed the steaming lasagna out of the oven that had cheese bubbling on top. Shelly carried the cake pan over to the oven placing it inside. “Honey, go tell your brother to wake Daniel for supper please,” Candice smiled at Shelly, as she nodded her head.

Shelly walked over to Luke who was sitting on the floor next to the couch looking at Daniel. She placed her hand on Luke’s shoulder startling him, “Sorry,” She whispered, “Mom has dinner on the table, she said for you to wake Danny up,” Shelly turned and went to help make sure her Mom didn’t need any help finishing setting up supper.

Luke brushed some of Daniel’s blonde hair from his eye’s while he watched his chest rise and fall, “Daniel,” He said in a hushed tone stroking Daniel’s cheek, “Wake up Daniel supper is ready.”

Daniel rubbed his eyes, “Okay, I’m awake Luke, give me a sec,” Daniel tried sitting up but the couch formed around him and he was extremely stiff, “Luke you gotta help me up I’m stuck,” Luke took Daniels hand in his gently helping him up from the cocoon the couch created, “Thanks, man, I appreciate it,” Daniel gave a slight smile.

Luke helped Daniel to the kitchen table where they both sat side by side, “Smells really good,” Luke said as he inhaled deeply.

Candice noticed Daniel sitting there holding his ribs, “Sweetheart when was the last time you had a pain pill?” Luke stared at Daniel waiting for an answer.

Daniel grimaced, “Uh… maybe at breakfast time…” Candice jumped up from her seat and grabbed a prescription bottle from the counter handing Daniel a pill from it.

“Sweetheart, if you need something you need to ask,” Candice placed her hand on his shoulder which elicited him to flinch again, “Daniel I’m sorry I keep making you anxious, but I can assure you I will never hit you or hurt you.” Luke frowned seeing Daniel be frightened of his Mom.

“I’m sorry…” Daniel whispered looking at his plate.

Luke put his hand on Daniel’s shoulder, “Daniel there’s nothing to be sorry for, your asshole father did shit to you that nobody should have to put up with but that’s over,” Luke winced when he saw his Mom standing with her hands on her hips staring at him.

“Lucas Matthew Miller,” Candice reprimanded him, “I will not have you speaking like that in this house, as much as I agree with you I can’t condone that language.” Her demeanor demanded respect, “You realize being fifteen doesn’t mean you have the freedom to speak like that, if it happens again we may rethink your birthday present, or we can try the dish soap right now.”

Luke looked like a beaten puppy, “Sorry Mom, it won’t happen again,” He sat quietly in his chair, and Shelly snickered at the pitiful look Luke had on his face.

“Lukey I can give you my bike on our birthday to make it easy to get around,” Shelly quipped, “Pink would look good with your complexion.” Luke shot daggers at her with his looks hoping to quiet her.

“Candice…” Daniel fidgeted with his fork, “I don’t understand why any time an adult is near me I get so anxious and jumpy,” Looking up from his fork at Candice she spotted unshed tears in his eyes.

Candice’s heart hurt for Daniel, “Sweetheart, it’s going to take time to work through and process what’s happened to you, “I think Doctor Davis who helped the kids after their father passed away might be able to help you sort through your feelings. If you want?”

Daniel sat there thinking to himself, “Luke is the Doctor gonna force me to tell him stuff?” He looked at Luke while he chewed on his lip.

“Daniel Doc won’t force you to tell him anything,” Luke rubbed Daniel’s shoulder, “Sometimes when I first started seeing him, I would just sit there and not say a word. After a while, I got so frustrated because Doc wouldn’t even say a word or ask a question, I told him how irritating it was in the quiet room. He laughed and said I could talk when I was ready, so little by little I explained how mad and deserted I felt by my Dad dying. Helped me,” Luke wiped his eyes to hide his unshed tears, “he helped me realize my Dad didn’t purposely leave me; cancer made the decision for him.”

“I guess I can try seeing the Doctor,” Daniel tried acting braver than he felt, “I don’t know if I can ever talk about what he did to me though.”

“Baby steps Sweetheart,” Candice tapped her fingers on the table, standing up and walking to the phone, “I’m gonna call him and see if Doctor Davis can work you into his schedule.” She stood from the table using the landline and called the doctor. After a quick conversation she ended the call, then Candice sat back down at the table, “Daniel he can fit you in at 5 pm on Friday. Luke can ride with us since it’s after school, and you’ll have somebody you feel comfortable with and he’ll be in the waiting room for you when it’s over.”

Daniel looked into Candice’s eyes with trepidation, “I don’t have many choices if I wanna be normal,” With a long slow breath exhaled, “As long as Luke is able to go I will get through it,” Luke looked at Daniel as he squeezed his shoulder while offering him a loving smile.

*****

The week passed by fairly uneventfully, Daniel continued to avoid adults as much as possible. Luke had cornered Robbie the day before Daniel returned warning him if he messed with him, Robbie would suffer his wrath. Out of fear Robbie remained as far away from Daniel as he could, occasionally giving him a sad look. Luke had seen the looks directed at Daniel, deciding Robbie probably wasn’t going to cause him more problems. Luke figured he would ease up on Robbie.

Friday after school the boys met Candice in the drop off zone in front of the school. Candice looked into the rearview mirror with a warm smile, “How was your day boys?” Candice continued to watch Daniel in the mirror as he stared out the window, “Daniel?” She started the car heading for Doctor Davis’s office.

Luke nudged Daniels' shoulder he muttered, “Huh? What?” Daniel’s attention focused back on the conversation between Candice and Luke.

“Sweetheart, please try to relax Doctor Davis isn’t going to force you to talk about anything you aren’t ready to discuss,” Candice lovingly glanced into the mirror seeing an inner turmoil within him. Daniel chewed on his fingernail but nodded his head as an acknowledgment. Candice drove to the doctor’s office without any further conversation.

Luke was the first one to crawl out of the car, offering his hand to help Daniel out of the back seat since his ribs were still sore from his injuries, “Come on Daniel it won’t be as bad as you’re thinking.” Once Daniel was out of the car Luke laced his fingers with Daniels, “I promise Doc is really nice.”

Candice filled out the registration papers for Daniel and took a seat beside Luke, giving Daniel space to relieve some of his anxiety. It wasn’t long before one of Doctor Davis’s staff had called for Daniel. At first, Daniel refused to let go of Luke’s hand and he leaned over whispering into his ear, “Daniel I know how scary it is to talk about the bad stuff, I believe in you, Daniel.” Steeling his nerves Daniel stood up and followed the lady to an office that had a rich mahogany desk a matching desk chair and off to the side was a makeshift living room that had a large overstuffed brown leather couch and chair with a coffee table.

Doctor Davis came into the office as Daniel looked around the office, “Hello,” He offered his hand welcomingly, “Daniel I’m Doctor Davis you can call me Doc. Please have a seat he pointed to the couch, Daniel took his opportunity to make himself as small as possible on the large couch. “Would you like to tell me how things have been going?” Daniel sat there stone-faced showing no emotion for at least fifteen minutes.

“Doc?” Daniel whispered so softly that Doc barely heard him.

Leaning forward in the chair Doc brushed his brownish colored hair out of his eyes, “Yes? Daniel, would you feel up to telling me a little about yourself?”

Daniel sighed as he chewed on his lip, “Doc why does my Dad hate me?”

“That I can’t answer Daniel,” Straightening his tie Doc looked at Daniel, “Some adults can be quite cruel, beyond that I can’t explain why your Dad thinks the way he does, or why he does certain things,” Daniel sat up thinking about what Doc had said.

“My Mom died a while back,” Daniel bent over and retied his shoe.

Doc’s eyebrow raised, “How old were you, Daniel?” Doc avoided direct questions relating to his family.

“Hmmm,” Daniel thought back, “I was ten years old,” He laced his hands together, “It was on a Friday while I was in school. Mom told me the day before she died, she wanted me to go to school and I could come to the hospital in the evening to see her. Partway through the day, I got called to the office with Luke…”

Doc held his hand up stopping Daniel, “Luke Miller?” Daniel nodded, “Daniel are you and Luke still friends?”

“He’s the only friend I have left, other than Shelly his sister,” Daniel sat up straight as could be on the couch, “Luke has always been there for me, even once people started hating me after I quit playing sports.”

Doc rubbed his forehead, “Daniel we will discuss why you quit sports at a later point. What made you feel people started hating you?” Doc watched Daniels body language as he fidgeted.

Daniel hesitated, “I quit talking to people, kids said I was weird because of it,” Daniel shrugged his shoulders and blew out a breath of air.

“Daniel, why did you quit talking to people?” Doc wrote some notes down on the chart in his hand.

“Nobody could understand how I felt about my Mom. She was always doing special things to make me happy,” Daniel had a tear escape his control wiping it away angrily. “Dad said she got sick from always worrying about me, and having to treat me like a baby.”

“Daniel, I can assure you that your Mom didn’t get sick from loving you,” Doc softly assured him, “How did your Dad treat you when your Mom was alive?”

“He acted like I didn’t exist, he got mad at my Mom for wasting time on me instead of him,” Daniel’s face reddened from anger, “One day he told me Mom should’ve had an abortion and his life would’ve been simpler.”

Doc wanted to hug the kid and take his hurt away, “Daniel for your next session, we will work on some coping exercises. I’d also like to speak with Luke for a bit at some point during that session. I know you’re relying on him for support, which can be a lot of pressure for somebody his age,” Doc became more determined to help Daniel. Doc stood up and smiled at Daniel, “Nice job today at expressing how you’re doing we will keep working together to help some of the anger you have built up and you will start to feel a lot better about yourself. How’s the same time next week?”

“Okay, I guess,” Daniel mumbled as they walked to the door, “Will I ever be able to quit worrying about stuff?” Doc stood at the door with a neutral face.

“Daniel I will make you a deal,” Doc ran his hand over his neatly trimmed goatee, “You keep telling me more about yourself each visit and we will figure a way to help that worry go away.” Doc opened the door and Daniel nodded his head, “See you next week Daniel.”

“Bye,” Daniel muttered as he walked out to Luke and Candice, so they could head home. A home that’s something he thought he would never have after his Mom had died.