I've Always Loved You - 11. Christmas Part 3

Christmas Part 3

As I lay there with Mike that night, I understood so much more about him. It made sense now why the Atkins appealed to him. We had joked about a Mayberry (that sweet life on Andy Griffith and other shows of a simple life) and Leave it to Beaver, but that was exactly was what he thought he needed. I hated what his mother had made him do to fulfill her needs. How could she do that? Then I remembered my father’s assessment of many he had worked with the various jails and prisons…for most junkies, getting that…whatever, was so much more important than anything such as rent or even love of family. Mike had hidden this part of his life so long, yet looking at him now as he slept peacefully beside me. It was hard to imagine how he managed to survive.

I briefly, I mean just for a second, considered whether Mike was or wasn’t gay. Was he one of those that Wynona and Manny feared we would do to Chet? Was Mike simply “made” gay from those early years where he was abused? I couldn’t answer that. No one had made me gay. I knew I was. That was proven many times as Della teased me often making me touch her breast. I felt nothing. Della was a beautiful woman, but I wasn’t drawn to her physically at all. The first time she had made me do that, I was kind of repulsed. Now, I felt nothing at all when she did it after that. We were friends. Mike, like Mark, may have been one of those people that didn’t see gender as important. It was too easy to say everyone was either gay or straight. Human sexuality was too complex to pigeonhole everybody as one or the other categories. All I knew was, Mike loved me. Not just physically, but he showed it every day through actions and words. Who cared if he was truly gay or straight? There was no doubt in my mind to that question. Mike was my husband now. He loved me and I loved him. Period.

His breathing changed as he was starting to wake up. His eyes opened and he blinked to focus on me. The smiled he gave was not his usual smile. He held some uncertainty in it. “Good morning.” He said softly.

I looked at the windows as the day was beginning and there was light coming in now through the curtains. I nodded. “It is.” I agreed and turned back to Mike. “And it will be.” I took a breath. “Mike.” I began trying to be careful with my words. “I love you.”

He smiled a little more like he normally did after I said that.

“I am just going to say this,” I said, “so, hear me. What you told me last night…had to be the hardest thing for you to tell anyone.” I got closer to him. “I am so…” I thought of the best word to use, “overwhelmed…that you trust me enough to share it with me.” I looked directly in his eyes. “What you told me hasn’t changed how I see you or how I feel about you. I understand more about you now.” I kissed him gently. “I meant what said. I do, however, see you better now and I love you. My feelings haven’t changed. I am impressed by you. You’re my husband. If you tell me more, I will listen. No judgments from me and my opinion have not changed. You are my husband. My partner in life; I won’t ask, but if you want to tell me anything. I will listen.”

Mike still was having some difficulty with my acceptance of what he’d told me. “It doesn’t bother you?”

I couldn't lie to him. “Of course, it bothers me, Baby,” I said simply. “However, I also know you were a child when this started. You had something forced on you at a very young age. It was something you used later to stay alive. You don’t do it now.”

Mike shook his head adamantly. “No! I would never…”

I quickly kissed him to stop him. “That was a statement, not a question or an accusation, Mike,” I said to clarify. “My concern is naturally about your health. HIV and AIDS were around then. Especially with IV drug users and from what you said, they were probably the ones that…did that to you. I know you’ve been checked out since. You have Chet and he’s healthy. You’re healthy.”

Mike assured. “He is and I was checked before I even came up from Miami. I’m clean.”

I smiled. “If you want to tell me anything. I’ll listen. Understand that, but I won’t ask you anything.”

Mike sat up thinking. “Thank you, but…I just thought of something.” He looked at me. “We are known now.” He looked at me and touched his chest. “I’m known now. It could come out about me. Someone will recognize me from the past. A former…client.”

I nodded. “Yes, that would be a valid concern,” I admitted. “It’s up to you how you deal with this. We are married, Mike. I will not suffer that much if it came out about someone in your past. I will be at your side. Always. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“I had…a lot of…customers in the past,” Mike admitted quietly. “Someone is bound to remember me. I should have known that.”

“We beat them to it,” I suggested. “Tell everyone before it comes out.” I held my finger up. “It will not surprise me,” I said. “It might Chet. Manny and Wynona will use it against you.”

“Their past isn’t so squeaky clean,” Mike growled. “My last trick was when I was fifteen!”

“I don’t care,” I said simply. “My point is, they will probably use this to try and get Chet. Now,” I pulled him over me, “we should probably tell Amy. She would know the best route to take. Mark will have to be told…he can counter any questions or threats to us.” I saw his eyes widen in alarm. “Don’t look at me like that! The best defense is a good offense. If the people know…” I again held up a finger. “You don’t have to give them details, but if they know, they can help us deal with this.” I sighed thinking. “All our new fans will support us if they know the truth. To be honest, you can even help others by telling them about your past to get them to see there is a way out. You can inspire them. It’s up to you what we do, but I will support you.”

“You will?” Mike asked again in sort of disbelief.

“I will,” I promised. “You determine what it is we do,” I said. “If there’s anything else you think I should know…I will listen. I see who you are, Mike. I fell in love with you almost from the first moment you stepped in that church. I think I’ve always loved you.”

Mike didn’t really look directly in my eyes as he said. “I just…don’t want to embarrass you. You are a rising star! I didn’t realize or think when we got together…” he let the statement falter.

“And we will do fine. I will do fine.” I got my face in his line of vision. “Mike. I love you. We took vows…for better or for worse. You won’t embarrass me. How we proceed, I will leave to you. We can take this horror from your past and make a good thing out of it.”

Mike looked uncertain about that. “Inspire them.” He shook his head. He looked in the direction of Chet’s room. “How do I tell Chet? I’ll have to tell him.”

I gave a nod. “It will be hard.” I made him look at me again. “We do it…together. Okay?”

Mike smiled, feeling better. “Sure.” He grinned. “I love you.”

Was he gay or straight? Well, he was certainly gay after our conversation!

Chet had another week of school before the Christmas break. Mike’s school was off the month of December. I had to prepare for the New Years’ Eve event, but we had guests in our home. I prepared to cook and Mike said he’d clean up afterward so I could work until Amy and Mark came over that morning. Coffee! The one thing needed by everyone. Goy or Jew. (Goy, meaning those not lucky enough to be born Jewish.) I got things ready for Avi and Eli, a good omelet needs to be fresh. The eggs were ready as I chopped the onions (which makes everyone cry, which was happening as I sniffed and dabbed my eyes with the upper part of my right sleeve as I blinked through the tears) on the kitchen island and had the mushrooms to slice and add for the omelets. I heard someone coming down and from the sound, it had to be Avi. He was a big man, remember? The house was sturdy, but he had a heavy footfall.

He smiled at me as he came in. “Good morning!” He greeted.

I grinned at him. “Don’t get excited, I don’t know that much Yiddish, but…a gutn morgn.” I greeted him.

Avi chuckled as he approached. “Thank you. Gute morgn.” He shook his head. “I think you must have some Hebrew blood in you.” He shook his finger at me as he got near me.

I shrugged and sniffed again from the gas or whatever the onions had that made you cry and nose run. “Who knows? Probably, but I just loved my neighbors. They are exceptional people, the Goldbergs. I liked them very much.”

Avi nodded. “You just fell in love with a Jewish boy.”

I shook my head smiling at him. “No, I fell in love with a person who turned out he was Jewish.” I corrected and shrugged. “I enjoyed learning about him and his faith. Then again, it is the basis of my faith, it made sense to be familiar with Judaism.”

“That’s very refreshing to hear.” Avi nodded. “And very appreciated.”

Mike came down carrying Chet over his shoulder again who was laughing, but pounding a little on his father’s back. “Let me down!”

“Is Eli doing his morning prayers?” I asked.

Avi nodded. “Shacharit. Yes.” He smiled up toward the room he and Eli shared. “He would have been a great Rabbi.”

“Forgive any ignorance on my part, but…didn’t they just ordain a gay Rabbi?” I asked.

Avi nodded. “They did in England. There was a Rabbi that came out recently in the U.S., but he was a Reform rabbi already.”

“Eli could still become a Rabbi,” I suggested.

Avi shrugged. “He could.” Then he smiled. “I wasn’t kidding, he is much more devout than I am. I think he likes what he does now too much to stop now.”

Mike said as he put Chet down beside me. “He’s hungry again.”

“I’m planning to do something about that. We’re having omelets and chicken sausage.” I said looking at Chet waving at the eggs I had ready. “I can make plenty. I think you, Chet, can eat two. Of course, I can make them a good size, but…” I looked at Avi. “How many for you?”

Avi chuckled. “Oh, at least three. Eli will only eat two.”

That was when Eli came down. “I don’t want to gain weight.” He said coming to his husband and patted Avi’s stomach and kissed him gently.

Avi wasn’t bothered a bit covering the hand on his stomach and held it there. “I do my best not to.” He waved at me. “I was just telling Eric he must have Hebrew blood in him. He has more than a passing knowledge of our customs and Yiddish.”

I grinned at Eli. “As many people are responsible for me, I probably do, but I find people just fascinating.” I waved to Mike. “It amazes me that in every culture, faith or race…we are all humans. Certain things are constant.” I shrugged. “In each of these, there are gay people like us. We are so diverse in ideology, yet it is only when faith comes in do you hear the term pervert or deviant. I think that says being homosexual is very natural.” I smiled at Mike. “We have the Latin culture, Anglo-Saxon and those of Hebrew descent. We have different backgrounds, but we all have that same deviancy. We’re,” I shrugged, “human.” I chuckled looking at Mike. “Two plus two.” I chuckled. “Mike likes that analogy for its simple fact. Evidence; and evidence says we are not deviants or aberrant.”

Chet looked puzzled. “Aberrant? What’s that?”

“Abnormal,” I answered.

Mike nodded chuckling. “That’s right.”

Chet brightened. “Oh.” He smiled. “A new word already! I can eat breakfast and do something else! I don’t have to go to school now.”

Mike nodded putting his arm around his son’s shoulder. “Sure, you can do that.”

I watched Avi’s and Eli’s eyes widen when they heard that.

Mike chuckled. “He won’t.” He said to them in mock confidence to them like it was a secret. “He’s a sponge and loves school and can’t learn enough, fast enough.” He ruffled his son’s hair. “He likes Chase too much to miss out. He will go if I say he doesn’t have to or not. He takes after me that way.”

“PopE, Dad…” Chet said solemnly. “Do I have to go to Grandpa’s and Grandma’s?” He sighed.

Mike frowned and turned Chet to face him. “I think you should.” He lowered his eyes a moment as he thought. “They are your grandparents, Chet.” He looked at Chet again. “You are my son, yes…your mother was your Grandpa’s and Grandma’s little girl. Meaning, that you are a product of them. You are made partly from them.”

Chet nodded. “But Grandpa shot you, Dad. I’m not even sure I like him now.” He laughed a little bitterly. “I don’t know if I like Grandma now.”

“But they are still your grandparents.” Mike urged.

“You and PopE aren’t going to be there,” Chet said almost in a whine.

I nodded. “We’ll be in Charleston, but we won’t be at your grandparents.” I touched Avi’s arm. “You know that is why Avi and Eli will be there. Nothing will happen there. They are going to be with you to be sure it doesn’t happen at your grandparents.”

Eli bent slightly to Chet. “Avi and I will never leave you. I’ve found the best way to deal with situations like this is, to tell the truth.” He said to Chet.

“The truth is…they lied to me.” Chet shook his head. “They lied about Mom and they lied about Dad and PopE.” He looked at his father and then looked at me. “They are wrong.”

“About what exactly?” Eli asked.

“About Dad and PopE.” Chet said simply. “About you and Avi, Grandpa Ray and Grandpa Frank, about Hap and Wayne.” He shrugged. “They are wrong.”

Eli’s eyes widened again and nodded. “That’s good you see that, meyn bisl fraynd.” Eli stood straight again. He looked up and saw blank expressions on all of our faces.

I shrugged with a light laugh. “Hey, I told Avi, I’m not fluent in Yiddish, Eli.”

Avi chuckled and said. “Meyn bisl fraynd means my little friend.”

I snickered. “You’ll have to keep using it until I get it. I got fraynd.”

“Your Dad is right.” Eli agreed. "They are family.”

“Fine,” Chet said reluctantly and then brightened. “I like my new family.” He looked at me. “PopE, Uncle Mark, Grandpa Ray, and Grandpa Wayne, Aunt Della.” He looked at Eli and then to Avi. “Can I call you and Eli uncles, too?”

Avi smiled, but he was surprised. “You think of us as family?”

Chet shrugged. “Sure, I like you two. I like Aunt Della and Uncle Mark…” he said logically. “I can’t just call you Avi and Eli.”

Eli nodded. “Sure, if you want to. We’ll be proud to be family, but we just met.”

“I call you that, and you have to come back. You can’t just leave.” Chet a little sadder than usual. “PopE said he would try not to leave, but…”

Eli hugged him lightly understanding what Chet was saying. “So, will we.” He then looked at Chet. “What you are feeling is understandable. You need to tell your grandparents how you feel. Understand? Get them to explain why they did what they did. Have your Grandpa explain why he shot your Dad.”

“Okay.” Chet sighed again.

I looked at the clock. “Ooh, you need to eat and get going, the bus will be here soon.”

I liked that Chet was so at ease with Avi and Eli. The real test would be in Charleston.