I've Always Loved You - 4. Rising of a Star

After the tense visit with his grandmother, Chet was not very talkative. Sullen was the only word I could think of as he wasn’t depressed, but he was…thinking about something. Mike was driving us back. He looked in the rearview mirror at his son.

“Chet,” Mike said patiently. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” Chet said automatically.

“Really?” Mike frowned. “You’re face says otherwise.” He shook his head. “I told you before. I can’t know if you don’t talk to me. There is a problem I can see you working out in your mind. How can I help if you won’t tell me?” He sighed. “You know how I feel about lying.”

Chet looked a little alarmed. “I’m not lying.” He said quickly.

Mike nodded a little. “You may not mean to, but you just did. I asked you what was going on in your mind. You said nothing. That isn’t true, is it?”

I smiled at Mike and Chet. Whatever Mike had taught his son to think more logically, Chet knew what his father was saying. “I’m just confused.”

Mike nodded smiling. “That’s better. If you tell me what you’re confused about, maybe I can help clear it up.”

Chet sighed from the heavy burden on his mind. “It’s Grandma.”

Mike nodded but paid attention to traffic. “Okay. You’ve given the subject, but what about Grandma are you confused about?”

Chet threw his hands up at the futility he felt. “Everything! She was asking me question after question about what I see…” he waved at me and his father, “you and PopE do.” He frowned. “I didn’t know what she was asking about."

I knew what he was saying and I knew what Wynonna was asking for. Something to get Chet away from Mike…and me.

Mike nodded. “Okay, you told her what you see.”

“I did!” Chet said frustrated as an eight-year-old could be. “She kept asking me if I saw…other things. I didn’t know what she meant. I said I saw you kiss a lot.” He looked at me nodding grinning. “And you do a lot.” He said with a slight grimace.

I chuckled. “Yes, we do.”

“She kept asking me,” Chet said now more confused. “Why was she asking me that?”

As smart as Chet was, he had been sheltered from the world, but he tried to make sense of things.

Mike looked at me. “I told you.” He said patiently. “They see what Eric and I are doing as wrong. She is really worried you’re safe. She wants to be sure you don’t necessarily see…things.”

“Things?” Chet asked now more confused. “What things?”

“Mike,” I said. “Sorry Chet, your father and I need to speak Spanish a minute.”

“Because you don’t want me to know what you’re saying,” Chet muttered knowing why with his arms folded in irritation.

“That’s right.” I nodded. “Mike, ¿por qué no le dices de qué tiene miedo?” I asked Mike why not tell him what she was afraid of.

Mike looked uncertain. “¿Como qué? ¿nuestro ser íntimo?” He questioned if we should tell him about our being intimate.

I sighed. “¿Qué tiene de malo? Si actuamos como si fuera algo para no ser discutido, él podría pensar que está mal. ¡No lo es!” I said if we kept it something we couldn’t discuss he might think it’s wrong and asked Mike if he thought it was.

“No, of course not, but…” Mike nodded and looked back at Chet. “When you grow up, Chet. You will find someone that you will want to make love to.”

Chet’s eyebrows came together. “Make love? You mean sex.”

Mike was turning a little pink.

“That’s right,” I told Chet. “It’s a wonderful thing for two adults to do.” I then gave Mike a look. “Eres tan malo como la mayoría de los padres que no hablarán de sexo con sus hijos.” I told Mike he was as bad as most fathers that couldn’t talk about sex to their children.

“¡ es personal!” Mike defended.

Chet chuckled. “That, I got. You said it’s personal.”

Mile’s eyebrows rose. “How’d you learn that?”

“They teach Spanish, French, and German at Dilworth.” Chet grinned. “I’m taking Spanish.”

“I guess we’ll have to come up with another language to keep secrets from Chet.” I chuckled at Mike who groaned. “She is afraid you’ll see us having sex and make you want to.”

“That’s what all living things do,” Chet said simply. “I’ve seen dogs do it.”

“But she is worried you’ll see your Dad and I do it.”

“Why?” Chet asked louder and a little demanding. “It doesn’t make sense!”

“I’m glad it doesn’t, son.” Mike smiled, relaxing more.

“She kept asking if I were safe.” He said. “Why does she think I’m not? All you’ve done is kiss! That’s not dangerous. Is there more?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Dog’s don’t kiss…well…not like we do. Your grandmother really wants you safe.” Mike explained.

I put my hand on Mike’s arm looking back at Chet. “She doesn’t understand, Chet.”

“She doesn’t want to understand, son,” Mike said as frustrated as Chet was. “Yes, you were right, Eric. They think they are right about everything. That sense of entitlement just is…unfounded.”

“You want me to disagree with you?” I smiled. “I think so, too.” I looked back at Chet. “I am so glad you can’t make sense of it, Chet. You see what your father and I have isn’t bad, don’t you?”

“Why would it be?” Chet said. “You love Dad.”

I smiled. “I do.”

“And Dad loves you.” Chet reasoned. “How is that bad?”

Mike chuckled. “We don’t think it is.” He said simply with a shrug.

Things were going to confuse him. Somehow, Mike had gotten Chet to think things out and how to understand the reason for things.

What shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did, was the popularity of the song! Yes, there were many that liked my music that weren’t gay. My song had no specific pronouns and the object I sang about could have been anyone you pine for.

We were driving together one evening and the radio was on.

“…and now, the newest in the top five is Eric Richard’s song at number five on the pop chart. Mine at Last!” The disk jockey announced enthusiastically and my song began.

Mike grinned as he reached over from the passenger seat and turned the volume up. “I still can’t believe you wrote that song for me.”

I rolled my eyes. “Who would it be about? Della!?”

Mike laughed. “It could be.” He nodded. “My name wasn’t mentioned!”

“Nearly every song on the first CD was about you,” I said, “except for You’re Poisonous which even Dr. Gathers understood that was about Baptist Temple.”

Mike nodded. “Still, I’m just amazed.”

I reached over taking his hand. “And artist creates what he’s inspired by. With me…it’s you.” I growled. “Even Mark inspired me to write a song.”

Mike looked surprised. “You wrote him a love song!?”

I shook my head. “On the second CD, the song Make Up Your Mind and Decide was about him.”

Mike thought as he remembered the song. “Oh.” He searched his memory. “It was…different from your other songs.”

“Minor keys and angry words.” I nodded and shrugged. “It was not a love song. I was angry!”

Back home after Chet was in bed and going to face another day of school, Mike came into our room smiling. “He’s a genius!”

I looked up as I pulled down the bed. “Oh? I take it there’s a new discovery to confirm what you know already.”

Mike nodded and went into our closet. “He decided his grandmother and grandfather were wrong.”

“We told him that,” I said not understanding.

“No, we didn’t,” Mike said correcting. “We said his grandparents thought we were wrong and we thought they were wrong. We never really said for him what was right or wrong.” He came out of the closet in just pajama bottoms. “Don’t you see? We never told him to believe or not to believe anything.” He came up and hugged me. “He reached his own conclusion. He waved the evidence and he decided his grandparents are wrong.”

“And if he decided we were wrong?” I asked moving my face into his field of vision.

Mike looked like Chet had when he was confused. It was very clear where Chet got that look from. “How would he do that?” He wasn’t seeing the logic. “You see two and two equals four! You can count. It is four! People that tell you it’s three or five are just…wrong.”

“Human relationships are a little more complex than two and two, Mike.”

Mike gave a shrug and then shook his head. “Yes. The evidence is more complex. That’s why it took him a while to come up the conclusion.” He hugged me and then held me back again. “He said…Dad, Grandpa and Grandma are wrong about you and PopE.”

I laughed. “He said that?”

“In those exact words!” Mike said happily. “He saw the facts, evidence and he decided if they were wrong.”

“I agree, he is a genius,” I said pulling him in for a slow kiss. “He gets it from you. You’re brilliant.”

Mike looked embarrassed. “Well…”

I shook my head. “No. I knew you were the night we met.”

“How?”

“The way you expressed yourself. The words you chose, no slang or you know or like.” I grinned running my fingers over his chest. “I also noticed how attractive you were…skinny, but attractive.”

“That was ten years ago!” Mike laughed.

“Yes, but I saw you, Mike,” I said simply. “I liked you from the first moment.”

Mike lowered his head a little and looked away a nodded. “I did you, too.”

“I could tell even then. We had a connection.” I said. “We were stupid not to admit it to each other, but there was a connection.”

“We admit it now. That’s certain.” Mike said.

Things did sort of settle into a nice routine. I shook my head as I was getting Chet up for school and doing the same for Mike. “I am a Mom and a wife,” I muttered to myself. Still, I was happy. The many countries and crowds where I sang the new song to only added to the popularity. I sang a lot of songs, but that one was the newest. What I always hated was…you hear a song you like…you hear the song done at a live concert and due to instrumentation and interpretation, it changes. I didn’t want that. Recordings during a concert had audience reactions recorded as well. After I had gotten home I did record the song to add to my CD.

Upstairs in the control room, I was working on the dance club version of Mine at Last. It could be danced to as it was, but it could be made to last longer and there were added tweaks I gave it to have it blend better. I was startled a little when the doorbell rang on the other side. However, it rang again and again as if whoever was there was pushing and pushing giving the sense of urgency. I got up wondering what was the problem to check to see what was going on. At the top of the stairs, I heard.

“Coming, coming!” Della said quickly and loud to whomever as she went to the door and opened it.

Mark burst in the house holding a stack of papers, a big envelope in his hand and a laptop. “Where’s Eric?” He asked frantically without looking at Della.

Della looked at him with a smile. “I’m fine, Mark. How are you? Can I get you some coffee?” She said to him as he hurried in, but not answering his question on purpose. Mark could get focused on when something was…urgent.

“He’s upstairs!” Mark concluded and began heading toward the stairs.

Coming down I grinned at him. “I was upstairs,” I said to him.

“You are number one!!” He announced stuffing the papers and envelope between his legs and opened the laptop. “You are number one on the Billboard Charts! Mine at Last is skyrocketing worldwide!” He said excitedly. “You are number one on the Pop Chart here, but in England, too. Other parts of Europe are catching up!” He was so happy. “This is going global!”

I came closer to him taking the papers from between his legs and pushed him back toward the couch as I nodded patting him on the chest. “Okay, Mark. This is good news. Sit down and take a deep breath. Do I need to get a you cum rag?”

He did sit down, but he was still excited. Like his entrance, he wasn’t really paying attention because of the excitement. “You’re not getting it!” He told me as I sat beside him. “I wasn’t kidding in Vegas. You are a superstar! They can’t keep your CD’s on the shelves! It was on the Future Hits, but now it’s a hit on Pop Chart and the Dance Charts. The UK’s Singles Hits! They aren’t gay or even bisexual! Straights are buying this!”

I admit it, my heart was now pounding. “Well, I hope so. It’s a love song. It could be for anyone that loves someone and finally gets them. Music is music.” I said simply. “I’m working on the remix for the dance clubs.”

“Good, good.” Mark nodded happily. “You are being demanded all over!” He picked up the envelope and papers. “Rolling Stone, Time, Newsweek, Advocate, and Out are demanding you for that interview.” He went through the papers he printed off. “Logo wants an interview with you and Mike! They want you to appear in New York for the New Year’s Eve event there!” He waved the envelope. “They sent a script!”

I looked at the thick envelope. “A script?”

“For a movie!” He said excitedly again. “They want you and your songs in the movie!” He shook his head shaking the script. “This is Brokeback Mountain good!”

I took the script and looked at it in disbelief. “Why is it good?”

“I just skimmed it, but it’s tailor-made for you, Eric!” Mark urged me to see it as a big event. “About a guy, an entertainer who meets a guy that’s not really out. They fall in love and the entertainer wins him over! It is good!” He waved at me. “It’s you! With another name, but it’s you. The writer was looking for someone to do this and…” he grabbed me and shook me, “he hears about you and the explosion you had in Vegas and wants you!”

I looked at the thick script. “I’m not an actor, Mark.”

“Bullshit!” Mark said happily. “Every night you go on stage, you act! They want to start filming in the first of the year!”

I rose from the couch. “Wait, wait,” I said now feeling the weight of what he was saying. “I have concerts scheduled!”

Mark nodded. “And they will work with that! Normally they film first before the songs come out, but the song is out there. It will add to the draw to the film!” He stood again. “Your other CD’s are selling now! Don’t Blame Me is climbing the charts again.”

That’s when Mike came home. Walking in the living area he looked at us, but his pace slowed down. Mark was still excited and there was the script and Mark held the laptop. Something was happening. “Hi, Mark. You’re here because?”

Mark hurried to tell Mike what all he had said which took a while as I paced a little thinking about what was demanded if I agreed.

“Where are they filming?” I asked not really listening to what Mark told Mike.

“Hollywood.” Mark shrugged.

“Which would take me away how long?” I asked.

“A few weeks,” Mark said simply. “A month maybe. The props and location shoot isn’t difficult.” He waved at the script again. “It’s modern times and the locations are urban. The timing is crucial. You’re be getting the nomination from the Grammy Awards, I know it. Not to mention the People’s Choice and others!” He walked over to me taking my arms in his hands shaking me slightly. “This is your chance, Eric! This whole thing will launch you into mega-superstardom.” He said softer, but looking at me to understand that fact.

“This is what you’ve worked for,” Mike added not moving, but he saw the opportunity also.

I did travel a lot taking me away from Mike and Chet often, but it was another month away. “Memorizing a script?” I shrugged. “I’ve never done that.” I looked at Mike. “I will be kissing someone. Who will that be?” I asked Mark.

Mark nodded. “They're looking for the other star now.”

“I can’t just kiss…anyone,” I said simply. “If I don’t have feelings for them!”

“Well, there that Chris Hemingford, that actor that played that superhero? He’s in the running. Don Pratt, he was another hero in another sci-fi movie and Tom Spencer. That detective on that cop show everyone’s talking about. He did a couple of movies.” Mark explained.

“And all straight!”

Mark looked surprised. “So? They are actors.”

“I’ve kissed you and Mike, that’s it,” I said quickly. “And Susan. A couple of other girls because I was supposed to.”

Mike came closer to me. “I’ve kissed a few more that you have, I know. It’s not hard.”

“I wanted to kiss you, Mike,” I explained. “Because of our stupidities we didn’t. Mark was the first man I kissed and the only other man I kissed until you.”

“You’ve kissed guys on stage,” Mark said not understanding. “It was in many acts.”

“A stage kiss in front of hundreds or thousands of others,” I explained.

“This will be a stage kiss,” Mark said simply. “Just close up.”

“And it will look like I mean it!” I stated not seeing why he couldn’t see why I would have a problem with that. “You kissed me first!” I pointed at Mark. “When I did kiss you, I meant it!” I shook my head. “How do I act like I’m in love with whomever?” I threw my hands up. “I will never cheat on Mike,” I said to Mike and then realized what I said and turned to Mark. “I’m sorry, but I never cheated on you, either.”

Mark nodded. “I know. I cheated on you.” He said sadly. “I’m stupid.”

Again, I was at a loss to explain what I was feeling. “Mark, you are not stupid. If you were, you wouldn’t be my manager. I still think of you as a friend. You know that.”

Mike shook his head. “Wait, you kissed Hap Lawson and Barry Windham, I saw it.”

“They’re friends of mine and did you see the kiss?” I asked Mike. “It was like…kissing a brother. Because they are!” I frowned and grimaced. “Definitely no tongues.”

“Hey,” Mark smiled. “You give him your tongue?” He asked, pointing at Mike.

“Mark!” I laughed swatting him lightly making him chuckle and dodge the swat. Mark could probably kick my ass if he wanted to because he was former military.

“Just look at the script.” Mark pleaded. “It’s you! A former singer who sang the…Christian music and comes out to entertain more mainstream…”

“This is you,” Mike said to me. “How long ago did he write it?”

“About ten years ago,” Mark said. “It was really after some guy…Ray Boltz?” Mark said not really knowing who that was. “He came out having done the same thing you did.”

I smiled as I knew Ray Boltz by reputation. I remembered what he’d done. “Yes, he did. He won many awards singing Contemporary Christian music.” I nodded. “He is a talented man and has a great voice,” I said remembering the song he recorded. “He’d been doing Christian music a long time when he came out.” I shrugged. “Telling the whole world he is gay. The song he wrote and sang Don’t Tell Me Who To Love was a powerful song. He turned the churches and Christian community on its holier than thou asses and put them up in arms. People like Dr. Johnson, Wynona, and Manfred Atkins were very angry.” I sighed. “I was thinking of his song when I wrote Don’t Blame Me. He kind of inspired me to write it.” I smiled remembering the song. “I must have listened to it a hundred times.” I looked at Mike. “If I do this movie…and we will decide that.” I looked at Mike. “I don’t ever want you to think I would or could fall in love with someone else, Mike. That’s what I’m worried about. If we aren’t comfortable with it…and I mean me and you are uncomfortable with it. I won’t do it.”

Mike smiled kissing me. “Okay, we’ll read the script.”

“I know this is life…is new for you, Mike…being a celebrity.” Mark said hesitantly to Mike. “He is a celebrity and so are you now, but I know he loves you.” He touched my arm lightly. “He always has.”

Mike smiled hugging me tighter. “I know he does.” He kissed me again and looked at Mark. “Thanks.”

Mark nodded and turned to Della who had been listening to the side. “Della! When did you get here?”

She rolled her eyes, shook her head and headed off to the kitchen. “I’ll get the coffee.”