Still You Want Me - 2. Chapter 2 - The Ultimate Car Buying Experience

* * CHARLES * *

Sometimes I hate driving in downtown Portland. The streets are always narrow and, this morning, there’s a delivery truck parked in the road, making the odds of getting to work without being sideswiped, astronomically low. I consider it a miracle when I pull into the parking garage undamaged.

Colin is standing on the street, waiting for me, as I walk out of the parking garage.

“Good morning, Charlie.”

Good morning indeed. Nothing’s better than seeing his all-American smile and his big doe eyes first thing in the morning. Colin has been calling me Charlie when it’s just the two of us and Charles around everyone else. It feels like a secret, something that’s just between us, it’s almost intimate.

Gawd, I sound so lame. There’s nothing to read into, but I’m doing it anyway. It’s call wishful thinking.

He has a boyish way of always having his hands in his pockets. His smile, thick chocolate hair, beautiful hazel eyes, the thick lashes that frame them, and perfect nose, which isn’t too masculine or feminine, fit his strong facial features.

Everything about him is perfect.

ClarkCo. doesn’t require most of us to wear a suit and tie, therefore, most dress business-casual. With that said, there are a few of us, including myself, that trend toward the more professional look. I don’t like business casual because I think it’s lazy, but after seeing Colin dressed that way, I decide it’s not all bad.

Today, he’s wearing dark-blue, slim-fit jeans, light-brown leather shoes, a white collared shirt under a navy sweater, and a light-grey tweed blazer. Everything combined, along with his leather messenger bag, is almost too much. I have to make a conscious effort not to ogle him. What’s infuriating is, he’s not even trying. Everything he does is effortless.

“Good morning, Colin. How was your commute?”

This gets a laugh from him. His naturally infectious laugh is music to my ears and sends a shudder throughout my body.

Be still my heart.

“Oh, you know, foot traffic was terrible. I almost got a flat tire. I don’t think people value personal space anymore, they always walk too close.” He smiles with his eyes and, in order to avoid a puddle of water, brushes against my body. I don’t know exactly where he lives, but he’s mentioned living nearby, only minutes away by foot.

“How about you? Is your stupid, expensive car still making the commute tolerable?”

His smirk is almost cuter than his smile and his eyes are sparkling with mischief. He steps away from me as the puddle is no longer a threat.

“Joke all you want to, but once you’ve experienced the joys of my custom, pearl-white Jaguar F-TYPE, you’ll be begging me to drive you to work, and I’ll decline, of course, because you're a jerk.”

I look over and see him roll his eyes, but he’s unable to hide his giant grin which stops my heart again. Seriously, what’s wrong with me?

“Do you have plans this weekend? A guy like you must have something set-up.”

“I don’t know. I mean, yeah, I guess I have a date. It’s nothing serious. I don’t have anything else to do, you know?” Ramble much, Charles? I widen my eyes when I realize how stupid I sound. Suddenly feeling sheepish.

He bumps my shoulder and has a small side smile as he shakes his head in amusement. “Of course it’s nothing serious. You don’t do serious, Charlie. You do Grindr.” I entertain him in all of the wrong ways.

“What about you? Do you have any plans with a lady tonight?” Please say no. Please say no.

“Actually, I do.”

He smiles so big I can count all of his teeth, he’s so happy. My stomach drops at the thought of him on a date. I muster as much excitement as possible, but it’s not much.

“Something serious?”

“I think so. I think it’s fate. I simply started looking and boom, she appeared and she seems to be a good fit. I have a feeling we’re going to be together for a long time.” He looks at me as his face fills with hesitation. “There’s one problem, though. I mean, it’s not a problem, per se, but I don’t know. Maybe I’m being too picky?”

“Spit it out, already.” The suspense is going to give me an ulcer. Do I want to hear about her? Whatever the issue is, I’m going to make it a big deal. He’ll have to walk away. My new plan is to make a mountain out of a molehill.

“Well, I know this sounds stupid, but she’s white. She doesn’t have to be black, but I’ve always preferred a darker appearance. Everything else seems perfect, though—you know, like, everything on the inside. I don’t know whether or not to settle or hold out longer?”

I didn’t expect Colin to have such a strong preference towards ethnicity. Especially, a preference that’s not favorable toward my ethnicity. I know he’s straight and I have no right to be crushed, but this white boy is bumming hard.

“You’re hung up on the color issue? I didn’t expect that from you. Color should be the last thing you consider. If everything else is perfect, and you feel a connection, you have to go for it. If it’s love, then nothing else matters” Also, gender shouldn’t be in issue, either. But I don’t say that, although, I hope it’s implied.

“Woah.” He gestures for me to calm down. “That’s a big reaction coming from someone who’s paid thousands of dollars for a custom color.”

Wait—what? “What are you talking about?”

He looks at me like I’m an idiot. “I found a car. I told you I’ve been looking for one and I found it. An old lady in Beaverton has a 1998 Subaru Outback, fully loaded, with only eighty thousand miles. She's selling it for two thousand dollars. It’s been garaged most of its life and only occasionally driven. I wanted black or navy-blue or even dark-green, but white won’t be so bad. I’m going to pick her up tonight.”

It takes me a second to realize what’s happened. Then it hits me. I almost got a stomach ulcer over a twenty-year-old car.

I can’t compose myself. I’m laughing too hard. He looks at me with confusion.

“I’m lost. What’s so funny?”

I start crying and I can’t talk or breathe. He has a date with a twenty-year-old car. After what feels like ages, I finally calm down, but I’m still holding back some giggles. “Colin, I thought you were talking about a date. I thought you found a girl with whom you’re having a good connection. Could last a long time. She’s perfect except for the fact she’s white. Seriously, man, you should have disclosed what you were talking about.” I playfully punch his shoulder, simply an excuse to touch him. Colin start laughing because the whole thing is freaking hilarious.

“You thought I was talking about a girl?”

I affirm with a nod.

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

He’s stops laughing, but he’s still smiling while looking down at his feet. Can I imagine him dating a girl? Yes. Do I want to imagine it? No.

We part ways on the fifth floor. It’s a busy day for everyone in marketing. Somehow, all of the project deadlines are due today. I don’t know if this has ever happened before, but the atmosphere on fifth floor is tense. We work through lunch and, by some miracle, we finish around five. I stay a little later to tie up a few loose ends.

“Hold the elevator.”

I turn to see Colin grabbing his stuff from his desk and jogging toward the elevator, evidently not wanting to take the stairs today. I slide my hand out to keep the elevator open.

“Hurry, I’m not going to wait all night. I have things to do.” I have things to do, but I’d wait all week if he wanted me to.

“Yeah, yeah. Grindr guy can wait thirty seconds.”

Or forever. Just say the word.

Colins rushes in, he hasn’t put his jacket on, yet, so he tosses it over my shoulder. “Hold that.” Then he tosses me his messenger bag. “And that.”

I watch him for a minute while he straightens his paperwork before placing it into the bag I’m holding. His jacket smells so good. It smells of him. It’s close to my face and I want to bend my head down and rub my cheek with it, but that’d be super creepy, right?

Colin’s straightening his sweater as he looks at me. “You know, I have things to do, too. I have to pick up my future wife.” He starts laughing and teasing me about the mix up.

Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.

“Seriously, Colin, how was I supposed to know? You talked about the car as if it’s a real person. You’re so weird sometimes.”

He grabs his jacket from my shoulder and I’m sad to see it go. “No, only you’d think I was talking about a girl.” He puts his jacket on, grabs his bag from me, slings it over his shoulder, and quickly pulls his phone out. “Shit. I forgot to call for an Uber. I’m supposed to meet Mrs. Granberg in Beaverton to pick up the car.”

“You don’t need to call an Uber. I can take you.”

“No, it’s okay. I know you have plans for tonight. I’ve already set you behind by asking to hold the elevator. A ride to Beaverton is too much.” He’s downloading the Uber app.

I put my hand over his phoen to stop him. “No, I’m serious. The night is young. I’ll take you. Come on, Colin, let me take you.”

“What about Grindr Guy?”

“What about him? You don’t think he wants to get together at six o’clock tonight, do you?” I’ll cancel on him. Just give me the word. I dare you. I’ll do it.

He looks skeptical, but hopeful. “Okay. I mean, if you don’t mind. I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“No, I don’t feel obligated, but you’ll owe me.”

“I’ll tell you what, you can be the first person to meet Julie.”

I throw him a questioning look. Julie? What did I miss?

He rolls his eyes as if I’m a complete failure. “My date tonight—the love of my life. My basic white girl, Julie? Seriously, Charlie, what’s wrong with you today?” He’s only half joking. I’m an idiot. I’m so wrapped up in him that everything feels threatening. I can’t even take a joke. It’s obvious I shouldn’t cancel tonight. I’m wound up so tight, I really need Grindr Guy. I look at Colin and, embarrassed by my insecurities, mumble. “I hate you.”

I watch him laughing at me. He has no clue what he does to me. No clue at all. I might be an idiot, but so is he.

“Do you need to run home or can we leave straight from here?”

“No, we can leave straight from here.”

We’re walking through the near empty parking garage when Colin suddenly stops. “Let me guess. That’s your car.” He points over to a three-tone Toyota on blocks and without wheels. What’s it doing in here?

“Heck, yes. I accept all colors. Unlike you, I’m not a racist.” I start singing. “Red and yellow, black and white. They’re all precious in my sight—” Then I remember something he once said. “What did you call me? Oh yeah, I’m an equal opportunity baby. I don’t discriminate.”

It’s a pretty funny comment and we both laugh, but Colin starts losing his shit over it. He thinks it’s the funniest thing ever. By the time we actually get to my car, he has tears running down his face. My heart is doing weird flips as I see him in such a state of euphoria.

I made this happen.

“Ok, I can’t. I’m so done. That was funny shit.”

I try to pull myself together and start humming the tune to “Jesus Loves the Little Children” as Colin slides into the passenger seat. Then we both lose it, again. Every time we pull ourselves together, one of us starts laughing. We sit in my car for five minutes before I can compose myself enough to leave the parking garage. I’ll never be able to look at that broken down Toyota with a straight face again.

* * COLIN * *

I’m dead. I don’t remember laughing this hard in years. I’m not expecting Charlie to break out into a Sunday school song. I don’t think we're ever going to leave this parking garage. My stomach is killing me. There’s no doubt in my mind, all of this laughing is the equivalent of one hundred crunches. We manage to leave. Once we hit the highway, Charlie asks, “So, what do you think of my stupid expensive car?”

His sleeves rolled up below his elbow, his right hand is on the steering wheel, his left elbow is on the door panel, and his cheek is casually resting on his fist. He’s the poster child for being the cool guy. His dark-blonde hair disheveled after a long day at work. I can only imagine how many times he’s run his fingers through it today. I’m not romantically interested, but I’m not blind. He’s a very attractive guy. It’s no surprise why he’s popular with all of the men. If I had an interest in flings, I’d definitely have a hard time saying no to him.

The interior of his car is beautiful, of course. After all, it’s a rusty brown, black, and chrome. The leather is soft like butter, and everything screams power and pleasure. It’s everything you’d expect for ninety thousand dollars.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s a complete waste of money. It’s only a car. I’ve never seen the need for this kind of excess expenditure. “It’s alright, I guess. It’s very...you.”

His brows furrow. “What does that mean?”

“It’s your personality. Powerful and nice to look at, but also flashy, cocky, arrogant, and clearly over compensating for something.”

“Aww, you think I’m nice to look at?” To add insult, he blows me a kiss.

“I also said you’re cocky and arrogant.” I grab his kiss from the air, roll down the window, and throws it outside.

“Ouch.” He feigns genuine hurt.

“I don’t want to make Grindr Guy jealous.”

“He’ll never know. It’ll only be between you and me.”

“You can’t handle me.” I pull my phone out so I can get the GPS ready for our trip.

I see a confident smile spread across his face. “Ha. I think we both know I could teach you a thing or two. I could literally rock your world.”

“Overcompensating much?”

He gives me an ‘in your dreams’ laugh and I look up and playfully smile. When he’s confident like this, it’s hard not to flirt. Actually, he’s always easy to flirt with.

“So, how’s the sound system?”

I’ve been eyeing it since I got into the car. I love all things music: karaoke, dancing, and singing, all of it. It’s one of the few things that totally relaxes me.

He reaches down and hands me the cord to connect my phone. “It’s really good. Do you want to play something?”

“Yes.”

He doesn’t miss the eagerness in my response and shoots me a look. I can see his mind is working. “Okay, you have full control of the playlist, but you have to perform to the song that’s playing.”

Charles shifts in his seat so he’s facing me a little. I’m not worried, I can handle this. I’d be a perfect victim for that show where they secretly film people singing to music while in their cars because I always get too into music. “Okay, but no judging.”

Charlie grabs the steering wheel with both hands and shakes it with excitement. “I’m absolutely not agreeing to that.”

“As a matter of fact, I’m going to judge the shit out of you.” He’s beaming, ready to rock and roll, so I connect my phone to the stereo. I start scrolling through my music, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the impending decision.

“I’m feeling so much pressure, right now.”

“Why? I won’t judge you...much.”

“No. I mean—the pressure of being in control of the playlist is overwhelming. What if I pick a song and you hate it? We’ve never talked about music preferences. For all I know, we have completely different tastes in music. It’d make sense because we really have completely two different tastes in most things.”

“You’re overthinking, I like most music. Now, pick a song and get this show on the road. We don’t have all night.”

“Ok, umm, I have the song Folk-Hop Sound by Judah and the Lion. It’s not my favorite song, but it’ll sound good in here.”

I get it ready and play it. Though it’s not my favorite song by them, I do like it and playing it inside of a small car with a killer sound system brings it to a whole new level. I’m vibrating from the sound.

I use my phone as a microphone and start moving, shaking, and bouncing all over my seat. Charlie is watching me as I make a total fool of myself, but I honestly don’t care. I love singing and dancing and it’s always been a release for me. I turn to Charlie and start screaming the words toward him.

[Now shake it, shake it, do your job, shake it, now give yourself a high five.]

I’m rocking my shoulders back with my arms out in front of me. I love moving to the rhythm of music. It’s so relaxing. The song ends and I’m ready for another.

“Ok, I did not expect that from you. Normally you’re a little reserved, but turn on music and you turn into a completely different person.”

Charlie starts chanting.

“Again. Encore. Encore.”

Ugh, choosing is so much pressure. I start flipping through my song list as I feel very unprepared.

“Charlie, do you have a song request?”

“Anything. Pick something, already. Maybe something faster?”

“Okay, I’m going to go old school.”

I know what song I want to play, so I make a show of rolling my sleeves, indicating things are about to get serious in here. Charlie is watching me and smiling as he lifts his hands and leans back, pretending to give me room to do my thing.

*music starts*

I start rocking my hips and moving my shoulders to the sound as I move my arms in front of me. Charlie instantly recognizes the song (Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It) and nods his head with approval. We look at each other then start singing together and I’m surprised he knows every word. Charlie is going hard, but I’m going harder. We finish the song and I’m impressed.

“We killed that song. We’d be great Karaoke partners, Charlie. We should try it sometime.”

Then he says something I’m not expecting.

“Do you want to do a duet?”

I look at Charlie with my brow raised. This could be fun. I love duets.

“Definitely. Do you have anything in particular in mind?”

He shakes his head no. Leaving me to pick a song, again.

“Have you ever watched Dirty Dancing?”

“Yeah, my sister went through a pretty serious phase, so the sound track was on repeat for months.”

“Perfect.”

I get the song ready and I think he’s expecting the song, The Time of My Life, but I have other plans. I start the song and he laughs, he definitely wasn’t expecting it.

“Ready?”

He nods.

“Ok, sing it like you mean it. It’s the only way to properly do a duet.”

I’ve prepared the song, Love is Strange by Mickey and Sylvia, and we sing the first half of the song perfectly. During the music solo, I rock out with my air guitar while I turn to Charlie.

“Mickey or Sylvia?” I ask, but he looks confused.

“Pick which one you’re going to be. Hurry.”

“Uh, Mickey.”

I finish my air solo and we start singing again. We both go hard for the next part. Charlie is nailing a perfectly cool Mickey and I embrace my overly flirty Sylvia as I make sure to run my hands all over Charlie in the most seductive way possible. I’m barely staying in character, though. It’s the most hilarious duet I’ve ever done.

I finish with my mad air guitar skills before the song finishes and as the GPS throws out its instructions, we’re three minutes away from our destination.

“We’re definitely meant to be karaoke partners. I have dibs you.”

“I can deal with that. You’re a hell of a lot of fun like this. I like this side of you, Colin.”

I point down the road.

“I think it’s the driveway with the older white Outback.”

“An older white Outback. What are the odds?”

He smiles, teasing me about the obviousness of my statement.

“Funny.”

I unplug my phone from the stereo.

“You can drop me off. Thanks for the ride and for the seriously epic car karaoke.”

“Ha. It was my pleasure. It was great seeing you so relaxed and having fun. It was like watching a caged animal experience freedom for the first time.”

Charlie shifts in his seat and looks at me and says.

“We’ll book a karaoke night, soon.”

“Yes, that’d be awesome.”

I’m trying to hide my eagerness of his offer when Charlie turns off the car. I half expected him to push me out before the car stopped, so this is surprising.

“What are you doing? You can go back now.”

“I’m not leaving you in the middle of Beaverton with some Craigslist Killer. I’ll leave when you leave. Besides, you said you were going to introduce me to Julie.”

Mrs. Granberg, who's tiny and clearly not a killer, must’ve seen us arrive and came outside to meet us.

“Hello. You must be Colin.”

I nod and grab Charlie’s shoulder so I can introduce him.

“This is my friend, Charlie. He’s my Uber driver/protector from the Craigslist Killer.”

We laugh at my lame icebreaker and make small talk for several minutes before I realize my hand is still on Charlie’s shoulder. I give it a friendly squeeze and let go.

“Are you ready to help me make sure Julie’s the one?”

Neither of us know a lot about cars, but we check it out, take it for a test drive and decide it’s about as good as it gets. I’m super excited. The car's condition is practically brand new and I doubt the back seats have ever been sat on. It needs new tires and an oil change, but that’s it. I pay her in cash, sign the paperwork, shake hands, and watch her go back into the house.

“Charlie, tell me what you really think. I know she’s not a Jaguar, but still. What’s your honest opinion?”

I know he isn’t going to be impressed because he’s accustomed to all of the fancy and flashy things, but I’m still curious about his thoughts. He thinks for a second.

“It’s you.”

Ok, now he’s mocking me. He looks at me and sees I’m not amused by his response.

“No, I’m serious. This car is you. It’s lightly used with barely any miles (smirk), reliable, clean, not flashy, wholesome, can go the distance, and has room for a lot of baggage.”

“A lot of baggage?”

He only shrugs.

“I like this car, it’s fun. Perfect for the Pacific NW.”

“Don’t get any ideas. This is my car. I’ve already paid for it, so you can’t have it.”

I hide the keys behind my back so he can’t steal them.

“Not on your life.”

He steps back, putting distance between him and my keys. We stand around making small talk for a while before I notice it’s already seven-thirty pm.

“I’ll let you go. I think you’re thirty minutes from home and you still need to get ready for Grindr Guy. Besides, I’m starving and need to get home and eat before I get hangry.”

I’m fidgeting with my keys for some reason. Why?

“Thanks so much for bringing me and staying to help.”

Charlie looks a little disappointed as he responds.

“Oh. Yeah, you’re right, I should probably be going. I need to eat too, and get ready. Have a safe drive and congratulations on the new car.”

He moves but, doesn’t leave from where he’s standing, one hand in his pocket and the other holding his keys. His blue eyes are penetrating me and I feel a little jittery.

I like Charlie, but not any more than a friend, so why’s my stomach feeling flighty from the way he’s looking at me? Is it part nerves? Part arousal? This is so ridiculous because he’s not what I’m looking for. I’m not interested. It’s likely an involuntary reaction to a very attractive guy, it’s nature. Yes, that’s it, a biological force. I need to fight the force and get out of here, so I coerce myself to move.

“Thanks. Good night.”

I flip the keys in my hand, slide into my car and drive off. I can’t believe I’m lusting over Charlie. Yes, he’s cute. More than cute, actually, but emotionally? He’s nothing I want to deal with. It’d be a giant, regrettable mess.

* * CHARLES * *

Colin is all over me. His hands are running up and down my arms, shoulder and chest as I drape my arm over the console and open myself up. I want him to have all of the access he wants so he can touch me in any way he deems necessary.

I feel my fingers brushing against the leg he has pressed against the gear shift. I think about moving them, but I realize this is nothing compared to what he’s doing to me, plus I’m pretty sure he doesn’t notice.

Who knew this guy had such an outlet. I mean, he’s really getting into this singing and dancing. This is the reason I’m trying not to take it personally. His hands are all over me and his mouth is so close to mine, I can feel is breath. Now he’s calling me his baby...

[Baby— Oh, baby, my sweet baby. You’re the one.]

God. He’s sexy as fuck. I’ve been hard for fifteen minutes and, now…it’s painful. He’s so into the music that I’m not even worried about him seeing what’s happening in my lap. Straight guys are completely clueless. The second the song finishes, the GPS yells out directions, saying we’re almost there. The night is almost over.

The neighborhood is full of small lots with older ranch-style homes. Everything is close together and the street lighting is terrible. It could be a sketch area. I should probably stay with him, so I’ll pull up to the curb after we spot Julie.

I don’t understand why he’s decided to get a twenty-year-old car. He was a full scholarship kid, so he’s not drowning in student loans. A used car is one thing, but this one is almost considered a classic. I guess rent is really high, so he might not have a lot of additional money for a car payment.

“You can drop me off. Thanks for the ride and for doing some seriously epic car Karaoke.”

I don’t expect him to ask me to stay, so why are my feelings hurt by the brush off?

“I’m not leaving you in the middle of Beaverton with some Craigslist Killer. I’ll leave when you leave. Besides, you said you’d introduce me to Julie.”

I shut the engine off and hop out. Honestly, I’m not ready to leave, yet.

The lady he’s buying the car from—she smells so bad. I’m worried his new car is going to have the same terrible smell. I’ll need to call Steve, he owns the best car detailing business in Oregon. I’m going to give him the heads up and see what I can do to make it affordable enough for Colin to have his car cleaned.

I feel my phone vibrate and quickly glance at it. It’s a text from Grindr Guy.

[Grindr Guy] Still on for tonight?

We’re supposed to meet in fifteen minutes, but he’ll have to wait.

We wander around the car for a while. It really is in good condition. The inside surprises me. The first thing I notice is, it doesn't smell. No impressing Colin with my business connections.

Colin is sitting on the driver’s side and I’m sitting on the passenger side. He’s running his hands over the steering wheel and checking out the interior. The interior is all tan leather with a black dashboard and side panels. In 1997, I think fully loaded meant power windows, CD player, and sunroof. There’s no auxiliary jack so how the heck is he going to Karaoke? Burn a CD at home? Who does that anymore? My laptop, at home, doesn't even have a disc drive. Colin turns to look in the back and exclaims.

“I knew it. The backseat is practically a virgin and the carpets are like new.”

I’ve never seen anyone this excited over a car that’s almost as old as he is. I don’t think I was as excited as he is when I got my Jag. Deciding to milk my role as his much needed confidant, I announce.

“I’m going to pop the hatch and check out the cargo room.”

I look for the release button, pull it, and walk around to the back.

“Wow, I don’t know if they’ve ever put anything back here other than maybe a few grocery bags.”

We run our hands along the inside and pull out the plastic cargo mat. The carpet underneath is perfect.

“Immaculate, Colin, it’s really good. I think she’s the one.”

He knows I’m giving him a hard time, but he smiles anyways.

“This definitely feels right, but I’m going to need to take her for a spin, first. Do you want to come with me?”

I feel my phone again but I don’t look because I’m sure it’s Grindr Guy, again. He’s going to have to wait. Colin turns the key and the car rumbles to life, so naturally, I tease him.

“Well, she starts. That’s a good sign.”

We drive around the neighborhood streets, then down a road. After a few minutes Colin says.

“I don’t feel any weird vibrations and she sounds good. That’s about the extent of my mechanical abilities.”

“Ha. Me, too, but you’re right. She seems to be in good working order. Let’s go back so you can close the deal.”

He nods in agreement but before he’s able to turn around I stop him.

“Wait. Before we do, let’s see what she’s really capable of.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s find out how long it takes her to go from zero to sixty.”

I can’t help but laugh. This is going to be fun.

“Yeah?”

He’s smiling. Oh, yeah. He nods in encouragement. We find a road merging onto the freeway. We’re at the stop sign and I have my phone out to clock the time.

“Three, two, one…go.”

Colin guns it and we’re off. Colin’s knuckles are white as they grip the steering wheel at the ten and two positions. We’re both laughing hard.

“Come on.”

I start counting the seconds.

“Eight, nine, ten. You’re not trying.”

“I’m trying. I’m riding her hard.”

“That’s what she said.”

Colin looks at me for a brief second and starts laughing harder.

“Eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one.”

Having reached the intended speed, Colin shouts.

“Sixty.”

He releases the gas and takes the next exit back to the house.

“Twenty-one point seventy-three seconds. Julie’s quicker than I expected.”

I’m genuinely surprised. I was expecting something in the ninety second ballpark. Colin looks at me and smirks.

“That’s what she said.”

“Yesssss.”

I toss my head back in amusement and we laugh, fist bump and go back to Mrs. Granberg’s. The test drive is officially over.

It’s my phone again. I know, I’m late. I need to respond and let him know.

Colin finishes the paperwork and I can leave, but I decide to go when he goes, to make sure everything is good. Mrs. Granberg says her goodbyes and returns to her home. Colin is holding his new keys and smiling.

“Tell me. What do you really think? I know she’s not a Jaguar, but still, what’s your honest opinion?”

Normally, people are nervous about my response. They’re afraid I won’t approve. The look on Colin’s face says he doesn’t care if I approve or not. He loves it and that’s all that matters to him. I think about it for a second.

“It’s you.”

Colin thinks I’m joking and making fun of his reply to my Jag, earlier.

“No, I’m serious. This car is you. It’s lightly used with barely any miles.”

I receive a smile for that jab.

“Reliable, clean, not flashy, wholesome, can go the distance and has room for a lot of baggage.”

“A lot of baggage?”

Me. My baggage. Of course I can’t say that so I shrug, instead.

“I like this car, it’s fun. Perfect for the Pacific NW.”

We’re standing around and making small talk. I’m not in a hurry to leave as I’m already late and it’s possible Grindr Guy is going to make new plans. I feel as if Colin and I are on a role this evening because we’ve had a lot of fun and we’re really clicking. Is it terrible for me to want Colin to invite me to dinner or drinks? I’d ditch Grindr Guy for Colin in a heartbeat. Suddenly, Colin interrupts the silence and dismissed me for the evening.

So much for eating with him. I should be happy he’s not cock-blocking me. Right?

I say goodbye but I’m not going to make the first move to leave, though and he doesn't leave, either. He runs his hands through his hair, making it a little messy in the best possible way.

I can’t be the only one feeling the intensity between us. I don’t know what to do. He’s straight but this is...consuming. I think about my options and decide to take a chance—to step closer and see what happens. As my brain sends signals for my body to move, Colin quickly shakes his keys.

“Thanks. Good night.”

He bolts and the next thing I know, I’m standing on the curb, alone, on an unfamiliar street in the middle of Beaverton.

My pocket vibrates, again, as I watch Colin’s tail lights disappear. Fuck. I pull out my phone.

[Grindr Guy] Still on for 2nite?

[Grindr Guy] Start at club yellow?

[Grindr Guy] Hello?

[Grindr Guy] Hope UR not bailing. Let me know.

Ugh.

[Me] Sorry. Had to help a friend. CU in 30.

His response is instant.

[Grindr Guy] Awesome. CU soon.

* * COLIN * *

I’m spend all day Saturday and all day Sunday doing projects around my apartment, running errands and having dinner with my parents.

I decide to drive my new car, so my parents can check it out. One of the things I appreciate about my parents is, even though they have more money than you can imagine and own all of the nice things, they’re still humble. I know they’ll be excited about my twenty-year-old car the same as they’d be excited about a brand new luxury car.

My parents live in the West Hills/Portland Heights area and they have a killer view of Portland. They built their house before I was born and it’s the only real home I’ve known. It’s hell to get there when it’s freezing, but luckily this spring’s weather has been mild and, mostly wet, but not frigid.

The house is gorgeous as it has natural siding, a wall of windows on the front side, and a circular driveway. When you first pull up, the house looks big, but not excessive. It’s an illusion, so don’t be fooled. The house is built into the mountain, so three-fourths of the house can’t be seen from the driveway.

I park under the canopy because the weather is terrible today and it’s been a downpour since I woke up. I’m adjusting my rain jacket when there’s a knock on my car window. I smile and open my door.

“Morning, Mom. Morning, Dad.”

I stand up and give her a kiss, then Dad wraps his arms around me and squeezes so hard my face turns red.

“Dad.”

I moan and he reluctantly lets me go.

My dad’s a big guy. He’s six-five and strong, he’s not fat, but he’s balanced. In high school, I was always being compared to him because he was over a foot taller than me and massively bigger. I looked like a grain of rice next to him, it was really terrible for my confidence.

I received my looks from mom, though. Same dark features, hazel eyes, dark hair and easily tanned skin. She’s average height for a woman, average weight, yet stunningly beautiful. Dad is light colored. Light skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. You’d never guess we have a single gene in common.

“Ok, let’s see the love of your life.”

Dad says and gives her a good once over.

“She’s a real beauty.”

Dad and I stand outside talking about the car, its features and things I might change…basically going over it with a fine tooth comb, when mom joins us.

“I’m going to look on Craigslist to see if I can find a cargo box for the top and also racks for hauling my board to the mountains during the winter. Plus, I like the look of roof racks, it’ll make it sportier and less grandmotherly.”

They both laugh and nod in agreement. Mom is wearing a long, heavy sweater and has her arms wrapped around her body. You can tell she’s cold.

“Do you boys mind if we go inside? I think we’ve seen all we need to see, for now.”

She looks at me and smiles.

“You can drive us to dinner, later.”

We settle in the living room, next to the wall of windows that overlooks most of Portland. It’s my favorite spot in this house. It’s absolutely stunning.

“So, how’s the apartment coming along? Are you going to invite us over soon? We haven’t seen it since you bought it and I really hope it’s been improved since then.”

She inquires while looking nervous. My Parents haven’t been to my apartment since the first walk through and they weren’t too thrilled about what they saw.

“Soon, I promise. It’s pretty much done, but I want to finish a few more things before you come. I want the full effect. I want a, move that bus, moment.”

My parents love Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, so I know they’ll appreciate the sentiment. Mom is rubbing her hands together, excited for the big reveal.

“We can’t wait, we’re so proud of you for the work you’ve been putting into it.”

She looks at my father and back at me.

“We’re very proud of you, period. You could’ve bought any car you wanted, but you got an old used one. You could have bought a nice apartment or home, but you decided on something no one else wanted, and you see value that's deeper than the surface. You could’ve joined the company on top, but you wanted to start out with everyone else and earn respect. You’re in a league all your own.”

My father nods in agreement, smiling proudly.

“I’m going to see you in the office next week. So that’s going to be fun. At first, I didn’t understand why you wanted to remain anonymous. I wanted to show you off to everyone, but now I think it’s fun hiding you. We have a pool going at work to see who’ll blow your cover first.”

My mouth drops in surprise and then I laugh as I wasn’t expecting this.

“It’s giving everyone motivation to be on their best behavior. I think the pool is up to eleven hundred dollars.”

Dad seems to be as surprised as I am and I add my thoughts.

“Well, I’m betting against Brett. He keeps calling me Stan and every time he looks at me, he has the stupidest smile on his face. I’m sure everyone thinks he’s in love with me or something.”

“Ha. Brett thinks this whole thing is hilarious. Most of the bets are against him, but only because he spends the most time with you, therefore he has the highest probability to mess up. I’m curious as to how the staff meeting is going to go. I have a feeling someone’s going to drop face.”

Mom points at dad and laughs.

“It’ll be you. If you think Brett looks at you with a dopey smile, your dad’s going to be a love sick puppy.”

Mom and dad look at each other and smile. They’ve always shared deep love. I hope to find that same love one day.

“Dad, don’t ruin this for me. It’s only been one week and I’m making friends, doing good work, and enjoying my time. I’m not ready to give it up, yet. I’m serious. If anybody finds out, everything will change. They’ll either be afraid to hangout with me or they’ll try to use me for advancement.”

“I don’t think you give people enough credit, son, but don’t worry, I’m doing everything in my power to keep your cover a secret, even if it’s not much.”

Dad isn’t too far away from me, so he reaches over and pats my knee, letting me know he’ll support me in any way possible.

* * *

I’m staring out the window at Portland City Grill, the view is just too beautiful, when I realize my parents are trying to get my attention.

“I’m sorry, I was enjoying this view.”

Mom has a serious look on her face.

“I want to talk to you about something.”

My brows tighten and I glance at dad, trying to figure out what’s happening. He sets his napkin down and raises his hands, noncommittally, then turns to stare out the window. This is what he does when he wants me to know he has nothing to do with what's about to happen.

“Okay?”

I’m nervous because mom doesn’t do this often.

“Do you trust me?”

“Not right now, no.”

Seriously, what kind of question is that? I know she’ll continue, regardless.

“I don’t intercede into your life, very often, and I’m not going to start now, not really anyway. Jackie, from the charity group, has a son a few years older than you.”

I see what’s happening and I roll my eyes.

“Stop that. Right now.”

Her eyes stop me in my tracks. It doesn’t matter how old you are, momma is still the boss.

“Colin, I’ve met Jesse and he’s awesome. He’s funny, smart, caring, he does a lot of charity work, he’s on the team at Nike that gives money and organizes the community work, and he’s really humble. I wouldn’t say anything, except, I think you guys might hit it off.”

“You know what? Sure, I’d love to meet him.”

Dad looks at me in surprise. He definitely didn’t expect me to accept.

“Really?”

“Yes. I haven’t dated because I’ve been so busy with…well, everything. I don’t want to be alone forever.”

“Let me know where you wanna go and I’ll set it up. You can exchange numbers later, if everything goes well.”

Seeing the smile on mom's face is worth giving it a try. We finish dinner, then I take my parents home.

* * CHARLES * *

It’s Monday morning and I’m a little nervous. I haven’t seen Colin since Friday night and I think things ended a little abruptly. I’m worried it’ll be awkward between us when I see him, again.

Colin and I run into each other before entering the building, as usual. I shouldn’t have worried because we talk about our weekend and hangout together until we part for work. Everything is as it had been.

This week is going to be very busy. Everyone in the department has new projects to start and, for the first time, Colin and I will be working together. Our project is a big one, marketing new production factories in Asia, which means we’re going to be working on the same project together for a while.

I’m so excited. We get along great and I think we’ll have a good balance of friendly banter and serious work ethic.

Before I know it, half of the week has gone by. Colin had mentioned, earlier this week, that some friends of his are opening a small restaurant/coffee shop and it’s opening today. I have plans for lunch, but it won’t take much to cancel…anything for Colin. This seems to be a new mantra in my life. Colin is getting his stuff ready when I approach him.

“I cancelled lunch plans for this. I hope I won’t be disappointed or you’ll owe me.”

I tease and he smiles at me and finishes adjusting his jacket.

“I know you don’t like small businesses, but I promise you, it won’t disappoint. Besides, I need you. I’m going to buy you a coffee so you can tell me how it is. Since I don’t drink it, I can’t give a recommendation, but I’ve heard it’s amazing.”

He needs me.

We meet the rest of the group and make our way to the lobby. Colin’s excited about lunch and I decide I’m not going to rain on his parade by offering to pay. Besides, I didn’t invite any of these people. It’s weird to think I might be impressing Colin by not impressing everyone else.

We’re leading the group through the lobby when a breathtakingly beautiful woman turns around and faces us. She’s been standing at the information desk with Deb when she spots Colin and suddenly she becomes excited.

“Colin.”

She has long, black hair with soft beach curls, dark brown eyes, and ivory skin. She dresses as a true Portlander in jeans, Patagonia jacket, and a light pair of ankle boots. Colin is apparently equally excited to see her.

Cool. Awesome. Not.

They rush toward each other and he lifts her into the air as he spins her around. How freaking romantic.

“Oh, my god. I’m so glad you were able to make it for lunch.”

“I wouldn’t miss Greg and Degen’s (the new coffee shop owners) opening any more than you would.”

He kisses her as she intertwines their arms.

“Let me introduce you to the crew.”

They turn and face us. So glad you remembered we’re here. Bleh.

“Ok. This is Jonathan, Sharon, Keith, Daniel, Stephen, Kelsey, and Bethany.”

He pauses.

“Everyone, this is Natalie.”

Everyone says hello. I’m not sure why I was left out. Did he really forget about me?

“I’ve heard so much about you. I didn't realize you were coming today. I’m so excited.”

Bethany says as she leans forward and gives her a hug, clearly knowing who this woman is. I have no clue. He’s never mentioned her before.

“Nice to meet you all.”

Natalie says and gives a slight wave of acknowledgment and then looks and points at me.

“What about him? Is this Charles?”

Colin smiles at me with mock surprise.

“Oh, Charles. I forgot you were here.”

Ha. Ha.

“You’re a dick, you know that?”

I give his cheek a light tap and take Natalie’s hand.

“Yes, I’m Charles. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to have a face to put with the name.”

Colin talks about me? A lot? Holy heartbeat.

We arrive at Brew’d Awakening and the place is already full, but the owners held tables for Colin, so we’re able to get right in.

It’s a comfortable place. The tables are big, long farm tables. It’s set up community style, so people sit together. Whether you come in alone or as a couple, you’ll sit at a table with others. The whole environment is very welcoming and friendly.

Greg greets Colin to give us menus and waters. The menu is simple and there’s something for everyone, but it still has limited choices. I love simple menus, they make ordering easier. Everyone takes their time looking over the choices before we order and it doesn’t take long before we all break off into smaller conversations.

I’m sitting at the end with Bethany next to me. Colin is across from me with Natalie by his side. There’s an intimacy between them. History, love, respect, and future. It’s discouraging for me to watch. I’m probably unusually quiet because of it as I don’t know what to do or say. How do I compare to her? Not that it matters because Colin is straight and there’s definitely something between those two.

“Okay, you must tell us everything about Colin.” Bethany inquires.

“No way, you have to figure him out for yourself. I had my own crash course, so I’m not giving away the secrets.”

She’s so genuine and sweet. I hate her.

We talk about random things while we eat lunch. My Turkey Panini is mouthwatering, one of the best meals I’ve had in awhile. I’m watching Colin and Natalie interact with one another and the way they smile and touch each other is making me jealous. It’s been two weeks since Colin started his job, so I should be accustomed to abnormal feelings such as jealousy, but I’m not.

“So, where are you guys going tomorrow?”

Natalie asks Colin and he shoots her a glance that says, shut up before I kill you. We’re not talking about this right now. and her eyes widen, apologetically. Luckily, Bethany also catches it and she isn’t about to let it go.

“Who’s going where tomorrow?”

Natalie rolls her eyes at Colin and nudges him to spill the beans.

“I have a date with Jessie. I don’t know where we’re going, but I’ll figure it out.”

He smiles.

“It’s a blind date, courtesy of mommy dearest.”

He doesn’t sound overly excited, but he doesn’t seem upset either. Natalie on the other hand is super excited and enthusiastically squeezes his bicep.

“Yeah, but you’re excited. Jessie seems great, a real winner.”

So, clearly, Natalie isn’t a romantic interest, but she’s encouraging him to date other people and I don’t like this…at all. Bethany’s also excited, he can’t hold still as she gushes over the news.

“This is so exciting. I’ve been trying to set him up since we met, but he keeps rejecting my offers.”

Apparently, I’m the only person not excited about Colin dating Jessie. I bet she puts a heart above the letter i in her name. I’m not sure what to say or if I can even speak, so I give my most encouraging smile. The rest of lunch is spent tossing around date ideas for Colin.

Fun.

There’s three reactions when I don’t offer to pay for lunch. A few of them stare at me and are disappointed, a few don’t notice or don’t care, and then there’s Colin. He looks at me, giving me the most heart melting smile.

“Well, this is unexpected.”

I roll my eyes at him as if this is no big deal, but I’m trying to hide my blush.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you don’t...”

The corner of his lip curls in the cutest smirk as he stacks the plates before we go back to work.

* * *

I walk back with Bethany and we talk about nothing in particular, mostly her boyfriend and my current sexcapades. Colin and Natalie are behind us and I can hear them talking with quiet, muffled voices.

“You should take Jessie to Fogo de Chao.”

“Are you buying? It might be my favorite restaurant, but it’s more for an anniversary date than a first date and…it’s expensive as hell.”

“Stop pretending you’re poor.”

“Stop forcing me to concede.”

“Fine. How about Portland City Grill? It has good food, a great view and it’s nice, but not over the top.”

“I was there with my parents last Sunday, but yeah, that’s always a good choice.”

“Portland City Grill it is.”

We’re less than a block away, so it doesn’t take us long to walk back.

“Okay, I have to leave. It was really nice meeting you all.”

Natalie hugs Bethany, I’m confident they’ll be good friends, and gives the rest of us a wave before she turns and leaves.

* * *

The activity in the lobby is more than usual. I scan the room and immediately notice Mr. Clarke, several other executives, and a few board members hanging around. I’ve met most of the executives at some point, but I don’t personally know any of them since, for the most part, our paths don’t cross. I lean over to Colin and point to their group.

“That’s Mr. Clarke and the other executives. Do you want to meet him?”

I can see him visibly tense up.

“No. No, I’m fine. I’m sure I’ll meet them, eventually.”

“You don’t need to be nervous, they’re all very friendly. It’s not as if you’re going to give a presentation in front of them, it’s only introductions. They probably won’t remember you anyway.”

He palms my face as he pushes me away, laughing.

“I’m not nervous but I don’t want to seem overly eager. I’d prefer the meeting to happen organically.”

Then Mr. Clarke looks over and smiles when he spots me.

“Charles.”

For as big as this man is, I’d expect his voice to carry more. I lean over and whisper to Colin.

“Well, it looks like things are organically happening.”

He doesn't look especially happy, but most people are nervous to meet the higher ups. He mumbles under his breath.

“Fabulous.”

“Hello, Mr. Clarke. This is Colin.”

I say as I shake his hand then I pause and look at Colin.

“I just realized I’ve known you for two weeks, but I don’t know your last name.”

He almost has a look of regret in his eyes as he looks at me for a moment. That doesn’t make any sense. What does he have to regret? Me, as a friend? God, I hope not. I feel like an ass for never asking his last name. I’ve been so busy talking about myself, I missed a lot of opportunities to know more about him. He quickly recovers and reaches for Mr. Clarke’s hand.

“It’s also Clarke. Colin Clarke. It’s really nice to meet you, Sir.”

“Nice to meet you, too, Mr. Clarke. How’s your second week of work been? I hope everyone’s been treating you well.”

Mr. Clarke is smiling brightly at Colin.

“Yes, everyone I’ve met has been amazing. It’s been a great place to work.”

I can tell Mr. Clarke is taken in by Colin. I can’t blame him, Colin is pretty perfect.

“That’s great to hear. Hey, why don’t you come with me and I’ll introduce you to the others over there.”

He points toward a small group of executives and boards members. I swear, Colin is shaking his head no and it appears Mr. Clarke is trying not to laugh. Maybe he enjoys seeing his underlings squirm. I lean in and speak directly into Colin’s ear as we follow Mr. Clarke.

“There’s no dipping your toes into the water, he’s going to shove you directly into the pool.”

“Stan.”

Mr. Riley raises his arms as if he’s going to offer someone a hug and he has the biggest smile I’ve ever seen, which is saying a lot because he never smiles. Mr. Clarke quickly jumps into his embrace and rocks him back and forth wildly.

This not only surprises me, but everyone around me (including Mr. Riley) is finding this situation unusual and shocking. Then his face looks alarmed, he whispers something to his boss, and they finally break their embrace.

“I just had lunch with you, but thank you for the warm welcome.”

Mr. Clarke jokes, then they look at each other and laugh. All of the other executives and board members are laughing, also, as if there’s an inside joke happening. I bump Colin.

“This isn’t normal, I think they got drunk or something during lunch.”

“Yeah, or something.”

He has a crooked smile, but doesn’t appear amused.

“I think most of you have met Charles Gabett.”

Mr. Clarke gestures toward me and everyone nods affirmatively, then we exchange handshakes and hellos. When we finish, Mr. Clarke continues.

“I’d like to introduce all of you to Colin Clarke.”

He puts his hand on Colin’s shoulder and lifts his remaining arm and starts pointing toward the various people he’s introducing him to.

“Here, we have Mr. Riley, COO; Mrs. Levan, CFO; Mr. Patterson, CRO; and Mrs. Keller, SMO. You’ll get to know her well since she oversees marketing.”

He moves to a second set of people.

“Over here are a few of our board members: Mrs. Brandt, Mr. Bauer and Mr. Darr.”

Normally, they give a polite handshake or hello and continue on their way, similar to how I’d been greeted by them. But this time, they’re all smiling like idiots and falling over themselves to shake Colin’s hand. Not only that, but they’re really emphasizing their words: It’s so nice to meet you; It’s so nice to meet you; It’s so nice to meet you. A few of them are even emphasizing his name. It’s so bizarre.

They’re drunk and high. I’m sure of it. I’m barely holding back a laugh. This shit is funny. I think Colin also suspects they’re drunk because he’s shaking his head ever so slightly.

Oh, lighten up. This is entertaining stuff.

We take the elevator up to the sixth floor, where Colin and I sit toward the back, waiting for the big meeting to start. The executives calm down once they get into the conference room, but it still feels as if they’re staring at us. Maybe they’re nervous because they know, we know, they’re drunk. They can settle down, I can keep a secret.

* * *

I track down Ryan before I leave the office. He works on the same floor, but with research and development. He’s the only other gay man, or at least open one, at ClarkeCo. We get together once a month, or so, for dinner and a drink. Sometimes we go to a club, but there’s never been anything physical between us. Ryan has been with his partner, Quinn, for five years.

“Hey, Ryan. What are you doing this fine Friday night?”

“Having dinner and drinks with you?”

He questions, anticipating my invitation. I pump my fists into the air with excitement and he laughs.

“Quinn may or may not meet us due to meetings tonight.”

“No worries. What about Portland City Grill around seven o’clock this evening?”

“Yeah. I haven’t been there in years. I’ll meet you there, in the lobby, and we’ll ride up together.”

“Perfect, see you in a few.”

I decide to hang around downtown because rush hour is a bitch and I’ll never make it home and back before seven. I go over to Brew’d Awakening to try a coffee so I can report back to Colin later. I’ll be his test dummy for anything he wants.

* * *

“Ready? We have a reservation.”

I’ve been impatiently waiting in the lobby for Ryan. Not that I’m in a hurry or anything.

“Sorry. Traffic is stupid. Let’s go, I’m thirsty.”

Ryan smiles and I know he loves to drink. I’ve never realized how long the elevator ride up to the thirtieth floor is until now. My nerves are starting to get the best of me. I’m anxious, sweaty, and nervous.

“What’s wrong with you dude? You’d think you’re going up there to be thrown off of the roof.”

“What? No, I’m fine. Nothing,” I ramble.

I need to get a grip or I’m going to give everything away.

“Okay?”

He doesn’t look convinced. I address the hostess.

“Party of two for Gabett.”

I look around and spot Colin sitting at a table by the window.

“Yes, of course. Would a window seat be okay?”

I’ll never say no to a window seat.

She’s leading us toward Colin’s table when Ryan spots him. They haven’t been formally introduced, but Ryan knows of him.

“Is that Colin?”

“Oh, yeah, it looks like it. Small world.”

I respond, casually. Yeah, small world...

I decide we should stop and say hello. This will be a good time to introduce Colin and Ryan, so I motion for Ryan to follow.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you two real quick.”

I’m not trying to scope out my competition.

Colin doesn’t notice my presence so, never to be one to shy away from touching him, especially if he’s on a date, I put my hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, Colin.”

“Oh, hey.”

He jumps because of the surprise, then gestures to the other side of the table.

“Charles, this is Jesse. Jesse, this is my colleague, Charles Gabett.”

Colleague?

Suddenly, it’s a very ugly word. I don’t like the way it rolls. Colleague. Bleh. Then it hits me.

Jesse, not Jessie. Jesse is a man. All man, similar to me. Clearly bigger than me, but a man, like me. It’s the best and worst news all rolled into one surprise burrito.

“Nice to meet you.” I say with too much enthusiasm.

Calm down man. I shake his giant hand.

“Colin, I don’t think you’ve been formally introduced to Ryan. He works in R&D.”

I gesture to Ryan as I try not to stare at Jesse.

“Hey, it’s nice to meet you. What are you guys doing tonight?”

I’m worried he might be upset at us for interrupting his dinner, but it doesn’t appear to be the case. Colin is glad to meet Ryan.

“We’re having dinner and drinks. Hopefully, my boyfriend, Quinn, will be here, soon.”

Ryan glances over at our table.

“Oh, shoot. I think the hostess is waiting for us. It was really nice to meet you Colin, and Jesse. You two have a good evening.”

We say our goodbyes and part ways. My brain is running a million miles an hour. He’s been gay this whole time? I had no clue. Now he’s here on a date with a freaking Greek God.

I sit down across from Ryan, so I have a direct line of site to their table. Colin’s back is toward me, but I can see all of Jesse. He seems tall, blonde, and has dark-blue eyes (I do, too). He’s wearing a navy sweater and chinos that do all of the right things for him. He’s a model of perfection. He resembles a much better version of myself. I mentally smash my head into my palms as Ryan makes a comment.

“So, it looks like Colin’s on a date. His boyfriend is fine as fuck.”

Ryan acts as if this isn’t a big freaking deal. As if Colin is’t currently causing me soul crushing anguish.

“Yeah, I didn’t know he was gay.”

“What. How? Everyone knows he’s gay. You know, for a gay guy, you really have terrible gaydar.”

“Yeah, clearly.”

Everyone knows he’s gay? This is news to me.