Worldly Pride - 1. The story

Late one Friday afternoon in May, there was a loud knock at the front door of the croft cottage. Joshua Mackenzie leapt up from his seat to answer it, but his father was already there, opening the door. A tall, dour, uncompromising man, he loomed in the doorway, bearing down on their visitor.

The fresh-faced youth standing there appeared undaunted. “Hi, Mr Mackenzie. Is Josh ready?”

“Aye, he is.” Josh's father stood aside. “Come on in, Ian. I need to speak to the pair of you.”

They all sat down. Josh knew what was coming, and so did Ian, most likely.They both waited for his father to continue.

“Now … I shouldn't need to tell you both that this camping trip has been allowed on the basis that you're going to be walking, and studying for your exams in the evening. Nothing else, nothing worldly. You're not to do anything to sin against the Lord. You hear me?”

Both teens nodded, trying hard not to roll their eyes at each other.

“And on the Sabbath, I expect you to be at the Inverness kirk. Within walking distance, mind. No defiling the Sabbath by using public transport. I know the minister, so you don't observe the Lord's day as you would here, there'll be trouble.”

Josh was only half-listening. Being on the cusp of freedom for the first time, his head was full of the possibilities of sinful things. He had more on his mind than simply walking and camping. Dancing, music, happiness, and other more heinous crimes. In the eyes of the Free Presbyterian Church everything that gave pleasure was ungodly, and the church ruled their lives.

His father finished off sternly. “I'm trusting you both. Don't let me down.”

“Yes, Mr Mackenzie.” “Yes, father.”

Once out the door, the two teens relaxed, though their visible excitement seemed disproportionate to the weekend ahead as described. The jokes and pranks only lasted for a short while before they calmed down, as if Josh's father were glaring out of the window. They settled the large backpacks, making sure they were comfortable, then set out along the lonely, windswept road. Several minutes later they stopped at a fork in the road. Ian fished in a pocket and produced a phone.

Josh's mouth dropped open. “You've got a phone!”

“I said I would, didn't I? How else is this going to work?”

Josh looked pale – his freckles stood out even more than usual. “So it's real? It's happening? What we planned and everything?”

Ian hit him on the arm. “You daft sod. Of course it is.”

He fumbled in using the phone, even for something as simple as making a call. Mobile phones weren't allowed. Finally, the call connected.

Ian Finlay … So you've both escaped?

“Yeah, Morag. Have you got the car?”

Yep. Are you where we agreed?

“Yeah. There's no-one around.”

OK … I should be with you shortly. Then the wee man will be on his way to the sinful South.

Ian snorted. It was their joke. Josh was nearly as tall as his father. Much more attractive though, in a pale, Scottish kind of way.

“Thanks, Morag. We owe you big time. See you in a minute?”

Yeah.

Five minutes later, a battered Land Rover stopped on the road slightly ahead of them.

Ian yelped with satisfaction and pushed Josh ahead of him. “Come on! Move! This is the start of you being truly you.”

A young woman leapt down from the driver's side. She grinned and waved in their direction.

“Hurry up! We've got connections to keep if we want Josh to get to his destination on time.”

Sixteen hours later, Josh unfurled himself slowly by the side of an emptying inter-city coach. He was tired and stiff, but it didn't matter. This was it! This was Birmingham at the start of Pride weekend. The noise, smells, the mass of people, the multi-lingual hubbub at the bus station were all completely bewildering. Josh clutched his small backpack, trying to work out what he should do next. He had nothing planned. There was the parade, of course, but otherwise he had no tickets booked, apart from his return journey.

He and Ian had managed as much as they did only because they'd been to Inverness College together for course interviews. Josh wanted to be forestry worker. They'd been allowed computer time while they waited, and in a burst of frenetic, sinful activity, they'd made their plan with the help of Morag whom they'd met on the day. At home, their infrequent online activities were curtailed and strictly supervised.

Josh checked his pockets for his tickets and the supply of cash Morag had lent him. Twenty-five quid which had to last him until he got back to Inverness on Sunday morning. No phone, no debit card, no electronic gadget of any sort. Just him in his plain, dowdy shirt and trousers. Spying an exit sign, Josh followed the rest of the crowd out towards the city centre.

Walking along, he tried to take in as much as he could – the modern, glass buildings, the multi-lane roads full of cars which made the air stink of fumes, and the people. As far as he could tell, their origin appeared to be from every part of the globe. If his father was right, they were all damned, each and every one of them. Only the Elect got to Heaven. Predestination in action. Well, he didn't believe that. He had eyes. He could see beyond the confines of his family's narrow, constricting life.

Realising his bottled water had run out, Josh started looking for somewhere offering coffee. Some breakfast would be good as well – a sandwich bought in Glasgow's bus concourse had long since disappeared. He was starving. Excited, nervous, free for the present, but also alone and out of his depth as well. Josh took a deep breath. He was here to enjoy himself. To discover something of what it meant to be gay.

Clutching his courage in both hands, he went into a branch of Costa Coffee. Josh stood staring at the drinks board for ages, trying to decode what was being offered. He just wanted a coffee. And the prices were eye-watering. His money wasn't going to last very long at that rate. Finally, he made his mind up and approached the counter.

“Err …”

“Yes?” The assistant was a young woman of African descent.

“Err … can I have a medium Americano, please? And a ham and cheese toastie. Err … to eat in.”

Josh tried not to stumble too much with all the unfamiliar words and phrases.

“That'll be seven-fifty.”

Inwardly blanching at the cost, Josh paid and went to wait at the end of the counter. His coffee appeared. He grabbed hold of it, a broad smile breaking out. Here was a visible manifestation of Pride – the cup was rainbow coloured, bright, and in your face. He was now part of Pride in a small way. Josh got his food and went to sit down and eat it, keeping the cup in his eye-line all the while.

As soon as he got off the bus from the university, Alex stripped off his tee, leaving him with his bright blue board shorts, and nothing much else apart from his footwear. His pecs and stomach region were decorated in rainbow colours. He could see others in the city centre who looked the same.

His boyfriend shook his head. “I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you.”

“Yeah?” Alex frowned at Connor.

“Oh, yeah. I'm not gonna stand by and let my boyfriend be groped by any random guy who walks past.” Connor smirked.

“I might get turned on. No. Make that, I will get turned on.”

“Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.” Connor lowered his voice to a whisper. “That dick of yours is obvious enough without any outside help, big boy.”

Alex flushed slightly at the compliment. He too kept his voice down. “It's that new jockstrap you bought me. I'm sure it makes my package look larger.”

Connor leered at him. “You gonna take your shorts off later?”

“No way! 'specially as you're still fully dressed.” He knew Connor was a little self-conscious. “You look great, sweetie. Your hair is a work of art. You got any paint on under that tee?”

“Yeah. Some.”

Alex grinned. “We'll have to see it later then.”

“Hmm … Maybe.”

They quickly kissed in the street, not caring who saw. It was Pride.

Alex looked round, reminding himself which street they were on. “Fancy a coffee? I'm parched. We've got time before the parade starts. There's a Costa over there.”

“Yeah, why not. Nothing to eat for me, though. I'm sure my belly's starting to show.”

Alex gave his boyfriend a hug. “You look great, Con. I love you for who you are. Yeah?”

Connor shrugged. They both crossed over the road to the coffee shop.

The two students strolled into the Costa and ordered their usual drinks: a skinny, double shot caramel latte for Alex, and a decaff skinny cappucino without the sprinkles for Connor. When the drinks arrived, both men eyed the Pride cups with a certain amount of suspicion.

“Hmm …” Alex held his at arm's length. “Getting on the corporate bandwagon?”

Callum looked thoughtful. “Not sure … Whitbread, the parent company, has been making the right noises for sometime.”

Alex took a slurp. “So have a number of other companies. Doesn't mean much.”

As they looked for an unoccupied table, Alex got the impression he was being watched. Perhaps it wasn't that surprising given how he was dressed.

Callum confirmed his thoughts by leaning in to whisper in his ear once more.

“Don't look now, babe, but there's a guy sitting in one of the window seats who can't take his eyes off you.”

They both giggled and then took care to find a table which would allow them to view the mystery man. When they'd both sat down, Alex started to size up the stranger.

“It's weird. He looks like a Jehovah's Witness, yet he's gazing at his coffee cup like it's special. I mean … Who else would be seen dead in those clothes? He looks like something out of the 1950s.”

Connor sniggered. “Maybe he's wondering whether the cup's gonna infect him.You know … Make him gay.”

Both men snorted loudly, threatening to collapse in a heap of giggles before managing to get something of a grip on their behaviour. They decided it was safer to just drink their coffee.

Josh Mackenzie had been savouring the last of his expensive coffee when the two young men made their entrance. He'd nearly dropped the cup in his astonishment. Not only was the fairer of the two half-naked, but he'd also painted his torso in honour of Pride. It was obvious why he felt OK doing it – Josh was mesmerised. Toned, apparently smooth, muscles in all the right places, the young man was making Josh feel increasingly useless.

The other man was everything he wasn't. Josh looked at himself. There was no excess weight on his frame, but he was pale, freckled, and underdeveloped. He knew his clothes were wrong. Even in Inverness they'd been the source of much hilarity, but his father never gave him any choice in the matter. Some of the shine was coming off the morning.

Josh's feelings of being alone and out of his depth came back with force. He was ignorant, from a family of religious bigots, and he was ill-equipped to exist in a city like Birmingham. What had he and Ian been thinking? Ian was a fantastic mate, but even he didn't know much of the world. Eighteen years being stuck on any Highland croft didn't prepare someone for life, let alone one which was run according to the Westminster Confession of Faith.

A single tear trickled down his cheek before Josh brushed it away. It was followed by another …

“Hey, Con. Is that guy crying?” Alex put his cup down.

Connor peered in the direction of their mystery admirer. He normally wore glasses, but had left them behind for Pride.

“Err … Dunno. Maybe?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Great help you are. … Look, how about we say 'hi' on our way out?”

“You want to be converted?” Connor looked sideways at his boyfriend.

“No, you idiot. I don't think he's out to convert us. Like, don't Jehovah's Witnesses go round in pairs?” Alex glanced at the stranger again. “Under those ridiculous clothes, I think he looks adorable. And lost.”

Connor shook his head. “You have such a thing for waifs and strays, babe.”

“And you love me for it.” Alex offered his lips for a kiss and got it. “You done?”

Connor scraped the last of the froth out of his cup and nodded.

“OK. Let's do it.” Alex sprang up from his seat and strode to the front of the coffee shop. Connor followed along behind.

Josh looked at his watch. It was nearly time to make a move. He'd find somewhere inconspicuous to stand on the parade route, once he'd discovered what the route was. His clothes were going to make him stand out like a sore thumb. He'd better take the used coffee cup with him as it was the only thing which signalled he was part of Pride. If the morning so far was anything to go by, he suspected the parade was going to make him feel an outsider. A conflicted outsider. Not what he'd expected. Watching the two young men kissing made him feel so warm inside until the voices of his father, and their minister, got going in his head. Ungodly, sinful, unnatural …

“Hi …”

Josh came to with a jolt. He looked up to see exactly those two men regarding him with smiles on their faces.

The one with the body paint continued speaking. “We're here for Pride. Are you?”

Josh flushed scarlet. He stared back down at his cup and gulped. “Yes.”

It came out as whisper. He repeated it a little louder, still not raising his eyes. “Yes, I am.”

“Yay!” Both men sat down opposite him.

Josh dragged his head upwards to look at his companions.

“I'm Alex. Happy Pride!”

That was the man with the body paint.

“And I'm Connor.”

His boyfriend looked less athletic and was more conventionally dressed.

“So is this your first Pride?”

Alex was coming across as the more chatty of the two.

Josh took a deep breath. “Err … Yeah. I've … I've come down from Inverness specially. Never been to Birmingham before.”

“Inverness!? Why come here? Surely there's a Pride or two in Scotland?”

“Err …” The thought hadn't occurred to either him or Ian. “We had special permission to be away from home this weekend – that's my friend, Ian and me – and Birmingham was the only Pride event that came up. We're meant to be camping together.”

Both the worldy young men opposite had looked surprised when he'd used the word 'permission'. That was how his life was. Tethered, muzzled, frequently chastised. Sometimes he thought their cows had a more open life than he did.

The one called Alex smiled. “When did you start travelling then?”

“Ehm … Yesterday afternoon.”

The young man stared at him. “Wow … Look, why don't you join us? This is our third Pride here. We're graduating from uni soon.”

Connor rolled his eyes. “We hope …”

Alex frowned at his boyfriend, then turned back to Josh. “Come with us. We'll show you round. In fact, why don't we swap numbers? That way, if you get separated, we'll be able to find you.”

Josh watched as the other two produced shiny, if battered, handsets. “I … err … I don't have a phone.”

Two pairs of eyebrows shot up.

Josh flushed red again. “They're not allowed. All I have is this …” He emptied his pocket of his remaining cash. “And this.” He pointed to his return ticket. “Nothing else.”

“Ah …” Alex didn't continue.

Josh sensed a pulse of sympathy coming off both his companions.

Connor cleared his throat. “Your folks know you're here?”

Josh shook his head.

“I'm guessing they wouldn't approve?”

“You could say that.” Josh didn't want to think what his father would say, or do, if he was found out.

There was silence for a moment.

Alex stirred. “Guess we'll have to keep you close then. Won't we, Con?”

His boyfriend grinned. Alex stood up and held a hand out to Josh.

“Come on, you. A fab time awaits. I guarantee it.”

Josh also stood up, still holding onto the used Pride cup.

Alex looked puzzled. “Leave it. Or put it in the bin.”

“No … It's Pride. I've nothing else …” Josh ground to a halt.

He couldn't sound any more feeble if he tried. The other two men were so confident, so open, and loving. The contrast with his life of rules, restrictions, and observance was stark.

Alex moved round to give him a side-on hug. “That's not Pride.” He took the cup away. “You are. We are. All of us are.”

Alex moved away slightly, still retaining contact with Josh. He touched Josh on the cheek.

“May I?”

Josh nodded, not having the faintest idea what he was agreeing to. The other man's attention was overwhelming.

Alex chuckled, then leant in to kiss Josh on the cheek, where he'd been touching it. “There … That didn't hurt, did it?”

Josh blinked in surprise. He didn't know what to say.

Connor broke the spell by snorting. “Stop molesting the guy, Alex. It's time we were off. The parade starts in a sec.”

“OK …”

They all left the coffee shop. Once they were outside, Alex insisted they walked arm in arm with Josh in the middle. Josh had never felt so loved. So right, so complete. This was going to be a day to remember.

Happy Pride, indeed.