Nemesis: Soulmates Never Die - 18. Chapter Eighteen: Begin the End

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Begin the End

Nick’s phone buzzed and Dave glanced sideways at it.

Brian: Hey, cutie! Was thinking about you the other night. We should hang out again some time!

Dave frowned. Then he heard Nick’s footsteps on the stair and a moment later his boyfriend was entering the sitting room again.

‘You got a text,’ said Dave.

‘Oh.’ Nick grabbed his phone from the table.

‘Who’s Brian?’ Dave asked as casually as he could manage.

Nick shrugged. ‘Just the bass player from Adolescent Pushback.’ He put his phone back in his pocket. ‘We talked a lot after the gig, and he helped me overcome my stage fright before the show. He’s nice.’

‘Cool.’ Dave wanted to ask why he’d be calling Nick ‘cutie’ or thinking about him at night, but he supposed it could just as well be something entirely innocent. Being flirted with was hardly a crime, and yet . . . Hadn’t Nick seemed a bit evasive?

‘Now,’ said Nick, ‘where were we?’ He pressed play and snuggled up close to Dave. ‘Mm, it’s so nice to be able to relax for a bit . . . I hate stressing out about schoolwork.’

‘Yeah, me too,’ said Dave, stroking his upper arm with his finger tips. ‘Still, only a couple of exams to go now. I like your idea much better than cramming for them.’

‘My philosophy is that anything you don’t know by now, you won’t learn in the next couple of days. May as well take it easy. It’s up to the fates now.’

Dave nuzzled Nick’s hair and kissed the top of his head. ‘Pragmatic as ever,’ he murmured. ‘Seems a shame to waste time watching a movie when we could be doing something far more interesting, though.’

‘Such as?’

‘Such as things involving the two of us and no clothes and perhaps your bed?’

‘Hm, I like the way you think, Thompson.’ Nick looked up at him with a grin. ‘I suppose The Bride will still be around tomorrow.’

* * *

Dave left the classroom, stretching his arms above his head. It was finally over. No more studying, no more remembering facts and formulas. Now he had nothing but summer to look forward to. A month and a half of snuggling with Nick and partying with his friends.

‘How did you do?’ Mandira asked him. She had been standing outside the door waiting for him. Now she fell into step next to him and they headed towards the exit.

‘Well, I’m pretty sure I passed, and that’s all that really matters at this point. I can save the real stress for next year, right?’ He grinned. ‘How about you?’

She shrugged. ’I think I did well enough.’ She smiled. ‘Is Nick done with all his exams too?’

‘No, he’s got another one tomorrow.’ Dave frowned. Something had been nagging at the back of his mind for days. That text. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed somehow suspicious. And Nick had been acting strange for a while now. Distant.

‘Something wrong?’ Mandira’s voice pulled him from his thoughts and he looked at her.

‘Not exactly,’ he said. Then he sighed. ‘I don’t know. I feel like there’s something he’s not telling me.’ He paused. ‘It would be pretty bad form of me to accuse him of cheating when he’s just forgiven me for accusing him of cheating. Wouldn’t it?’

‘You think he’s cheating on you?’ Mandira frowned.

‘I don’t know.’ Dave ran a hand through his hair in an aggravated gesture. ‘He’s just been kind of distant lately, and then he got a text the other day from some guy called Brian and when I asked him about it he was all weird and kind of evasive about it. I really don’t know.’

‘Is there anyone else who might?’ she offered helpfully.

Dave stopped walking. ‘Maybe there is. Hang on.’ He pulled his mobile from his pocket and wrote a text to Matt.

Can we talk? Jekyll & Hyde, 2 hours?

‘If anyone knows,’ he said, slipping his phone back into his pocket, ‘it’s Matt.’

* * *

‘So, what did you want to talk about?’ asked Matt, sipping his iced coffee. They were sitting outside at The Jekyll and Hyde enjoying the sunshine.

Dave sighed. ‘Nick,’ he said simply.

Matt blinked. Then he surveyed the passing people thoughtfully while he took another sip of coffee. ‘What’s up?’

‘He got sort of a weird text the other day,’ said Dave slowly. ‘I just happened to see it. It was from a friend of yours. Brian, I believe his name is.’

‘Oh?’ Matt didn’t meet his eye.

‘What’s he like? More to the point, how do you know him?’

Matt sniffed and set his paper cup down on the bench between them. ‘He’s sort of an ex. My oldest ex, you could say . . . He’s nice, but he’s reckless. The shoot first, as questions later type. Impulsive. You know?’

Dave felt the knot in his guts tighten, and for a moment it was hard to speak. ‘What happened in Birmingham?’

Matt turned his head back to look at him. ‘Dave . . .’

‘Please, just tell me.’ Dave looked down and found that his hands were shaking. ‘He’s been so distant and strange ever since then. Ever since our fight, even though it’s been months, and I need to know what’s going on here. It has something to do with Brian, doesn’t it?’

Matt wore a pained expression. He nodded.

‘Tell me.’

‘I don’t know exactly what happened,’ Matt said softly. ‘But . . . Yeah. I think something happened between them.’ He looked away again. ‘I’ve been trying to get him to tell you, I just—I dunno. He wanted to wait until you both finished your exams, I think. He didn’t want this to distract you.’

Dave felt anger and disappointment well up in his chest and he tried very hard to keep his voice steady when he spoke next. ‘So, you’re telling me that Nick—that my boyfriend cheated on me with this, this Brian guy?’

Matt put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, trying to catch his eye. ‘Look, all I know is that Nick loves you and that he made a stupid mistake. All right? If I had thought it would make anything better I would have told you what happened straight away, but I haven’t even got all the facts. It was a party. We were drunk. Several of us were high on one thing or another. I don’t even remember properly, and I don’t know how much he remembers. But he asked me not to say anything, because he wanted to tell you himself.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry. If I could have stopped it—’ He cut himself off and picked up his coffee cup again, taking a long sip.

Dave stood abruptly. ‘I need to go.’

‘Dave, please . . . Don’t tell him I told you.’ Dave turned back to look at Matt and the look in his eyes was sincere and pleading. ‘He’s going to need me, and if he knows I told you he’ll push me away.’

Dave made no reply. Instead he walked away in the direction of Nick’s house. He walked briskly, hardly aware of his surroundings. It was five o’clock, and Nick had an exam in the morning. He would be at home.

He rang the doorbell, and when no one opened immediately, he banged his fist on the door a couple of times for good measure. He heard footsteps inside and the door opened.

‘Oh, hey! I didn’t know you were coming—’ Nick’s smile vanished when he saw the look on Dave’s face. ‘What’s going on? Did something happen?’

‘I feel like I should be asking you that.’

‘What’s going on?’ Nick looked apprehensive.

Dave pushed past him into the hall and Nick closed the door behind them. Dave at once spun round to face him.

‘What happened in Birmingham?’ he asked quietly.

‘I—what?’

‘You fucking heard me!’ Dave growled. ‘Tell me why this Brian guy would be texting you and calling you cutie. Tell me why you’ve been evasive and distracted and weird ever since we made up. Did you cheat on me in Birmingham?’

Nick stared at him for a long time, eyes wide and mouth open. He seemed about to speak several times before he lowered his gaze to the floor and whispered, ‘Yes.’

Dave swallowed and clenched his jaw. He crossed his arms across his chest. ‘Why?’

‘I was angry . . . And he was nice to me. I was high. He gave me cocaine, and I . . . Part of me just wanted to spite you. Since you’d already accused me of cheating, I wanted to give you something to really be jealous about. I don’t know . . . It was stupid. It was a mistake, I should never have—’ And here he interrupted himself with a sob, and covered his eyes with his hands. ‘I’m sorry . . . I’m so sorry! I was gonna tell you . . . I didn’t want you to hate me. It’s why I almost didn’t forgive you, because if I did you’d find out. I was gonna tell you that day we talked at the café and I just couldn’t! God, I’m sorry!’

And the worst part, the really fucked up thing just then, was that what Dave wanted more than anything was to take him into his arms and hold him close, dry his tears and tell him everything would be all right. But at the same time, he wanted to hit him, or push him down a flight of stairs, or hurt him in some other way. He wanted Nick to feel the pain that was currently burrowing deep into his chest, because even after Matt had told him, before he came here he hadn’t really believed it.

‘You think that the fact that you were angry with me, and drunk, and on drugs—and what the fuck were you doing taking drugs, you stupid fucking cunt?—you think that somehow justifies it and makes it okay?’

‘No!’ Nick cried quickly, looking up at him. His cheeks were tear stained and his nose was running with snot and he stared at Dave in panic and grief. ‘No, nothing makes this okay! I know that, God, I fucking know that or I wouldn’t have—for fuck’s sake, I know how wrong it was! I just . . . I know you can’t forgive me for this.’

‘You’re right,’ said Dave, and he felt his heart shatter in his chest as he said it, because even then, right at that moment, he wished that he could. ‘I can’t.’

Then he turned around and walked away. Nick did not follow.

* * *

Nick sent a text to Matt, hands shaking the entire time. Can you please come over? I need a friend.

It occurred to him as he sent it to wonder if Matt still was his friend. Everything was changing now. Everything was ending. Maybe that would end, too.

Matt showed up barely ten minutes later, to find Nick in his room, face tearstained and red. ‘You told him.’ It wasn’t a question, and Nick burst into tears again.

‘He . . . He left me. God, Matt, he left me!’ He felt his entire body shudder, his heart breaking in his chest, and now he was hyperventilating, panicking. He felt as if the room was closing in on him, and he couldn’t breathe, and he couldn’t see through his tears. And then Matt was there, next to him on the bed, arms wrapped tightly around him.

The closeness of Matt’s warm body, his strong arms holding him fast, helped Nick calm down, slowly, until he was no longer gasping for breath and the tears came silently rather than in desperate cries of misery.

‘I’m sorry,’ Matt murmured. ‘I’m so sorry. Shh, it’s okay.’

Nick felt Matt’s lips in his hair, his warm breath on his skin. He was brought back to a moment well over a year ago when Matt had kissed him, telling him that he deserved better than Dave—now the opposite was true—and Nick had never, for even a moment, considered taking him up on that. Now, he had the strong urge to kiss Matt, but he knew it was simply because he craved closeness. Matt was his friend, and he would never jeopardise that. His friendship was one of the few things he had left.

He tried to swallow down the lump in his throat, but it was too big, too hard, too heavy, and he drew another gasping breath of air and tried again.

‘He’s gone,’ he whispered. He felt so empty now, and his voice sounded hollow. ‘It’s over. He said . . . He said he can’t forgive me. He can’t ever forgive me.’

‘Hey.’ Matt nudged his chin and Nick looked up into his warm, brown eyes. ‘Can’t doesn’t mean never.’

‘I fucked up. How could I do this to him, after everything, after the way he’s helped me and been there for me and—and loved me?’ Nick felt the tears pressing on his eyeballs again. ‘Even if he forgives me, one day . . . It’ll never be as before. He . . . He won’t take me back.’

Matt smiled a sad smile. ‘No,’ he said. ‘He probably won’t.’

‘I don’t know how to live without him.’ Tears began to fall again. ‘I can’t! I feel like I’m falling apart!’ He felt the panic coming on again.

‘I know.’ Matt pulled him close again. ‘I know. It hurts. It probably hurts worse than anything you’ve ever felt before. But you’ll learn, Nick. You’ll learn to live without him. You have to, okay? There are people who love you and need you in their lives. Like Zoë. And me. Hell, even Stuart, in his own way. So you’ll find a way. I know you will.’

Nick pulled a shaky breath and let it out again. ‘You love me?’

He felt more than heard Matt’s chuckle. ‘Not like that. But of course I do, as my friend. Hell, right now you’re probably my best friend, not counting Alan, cause, you know, boyfriend.’

Nick nodded into Matt’s shoulder. ‘I love you too. As a friend.’ He sighed. ‘I have to tell Mel.’ He reached for his phone where it lay on his bedside table. ‘If he hasn’t already. Might as well burn my bridges straight away . . .’

‘I’ll sit here, okay?’

I have to tell you something, Nick wrote.

What’s up?

Dave broke up with me. Like, an hour ago.

What?? Why? What’s going on?

I’m sure he’ll tell you really soon, but I wanted it to come from me. I cheated on him. A few months ago. And I kept it from him until now, because I’m a coward.

There was no reply for several minutes, and Matt put an arm around him, rubbing slow circles into his shoulder with his fingertips. Physical affection came so naturally to Matt, no matter what the relationship, and Nick had never been so grateful for that before.

Finally, another text buzzed in. How could you do that? How could you do that to him?? He loves you so much, he’s been there for you, he’s taken care of you! How could you?

Nick’s hands shook as he typed. I’m sorry! I fucked up. I really fucked up. And if you don’t want to speak to me anymore, I won’t blame you, or contact you again. I swear.

Another wait, and he leaned into Matt’s shoulder. He wanted to cry, but it was like his tear ducts had dried out and he no longer knew how.

You’re right. I don’t want to speak to you. I need to talk to Dave. And then I need to process this. Goodbye, Nick.

He dropped his phone on his pillow and breathed out slowly, through pursed lips. It was what he had expected. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

‘You okay?’ asked Matt.

Nick shook his head. ‘No. I’m really not.’

‘If you want me to stay tonight, I will.’

‘No.’ Nick averted his gaze. ‘No, I don’t think that’s a very good idea. The way I feel right now, I might try to fuck your brains out in sheer grief, and that would . . . not be a good thing, for anyone involved.’ As he said it, he worried that Matt would be angry with him, but instead he felt a hand in his hair as Matt stroked it away from his temple.

‘Under different circumstances, I would probably have let you.’ Matt stood up, and Nick looked up at him again. At his kind, understanding face. And he wondered for a moment whether it wouldn’t have been easier if he’d just been angry. ‘If you want to talk, if you need anything, I’m just a phone call away, okay?’

Nick nodded. ‘Yeah. Thanks.’ He sighed. ‘Thanks for looking after me.’

‘Any time. And I mean any time. Two o’clock in the morning or three in the afternoon. I’m here for you.’

Then he left, and Nick was left knowing that nothing would ever be the same again.

END