Bluegrass Symphony - 10. Trust

"What are you doing?" Caleb lay on the cot, propped on his elbow. "Why are you sleeping there?"

Wren steadfastly refused to look at Caleb and he made up his little sleeping pad a couple of feet away. "Well, Charles is coming down early tomorrow. Do you really want him to catch us snuggled up together?"

They had left Charles's house after a fantastic dinner and gotten back to the farm. Shortly after, it was time for bed. Caleb frowned at Wren. "We'll hear the truck." He patted the cot. "Come on. I like sleepin' with you."

Wren still had on a t-shirt and his briefs. He stood unsure with his quilt in his hands. He glanced at Caleb. In his expression were uncertainty and discomfort.

'He doesn't want to.' The thought was a shocking revelation to Caleb. He immediately felt a flash of anger. "Fine." Caleb rolled on his side, facing away from Wren.

It was quiet in the tent for a bit, then Caleb heard Wren lay the quilt on his sleeping pad. Wren sat on the cot, and Caleb glared over his shoulder at him. "What?" He snapped at Wren, his tone sharp.

Wren flinched. "Caleb, I - " He sighed. "Look, I don't want to give you the wrong impression, okay?" He bit his bottom lip. "We're having fun, and that's great." He tried to smile. "But we should leave it at that."

Instead of anger, Caleb was shocked. He sat up, staring at Wren. "Wait. Are you saying, that you're only willing to fuck around? That everything else, it's off the table?"

Wren looked pained. "Jeez, you make me sound shitty, man. But, that's what fuckbuddies are. We're friends who fuck around." Wren grinned. "It's perfect, right? There's no attachment, and we just have fun with no expectations."

Caleb blinked. Wren started to say something more, but Caleb jerked his chin at the light hanging on the center pole of the tent. "Can you get the light?" Caleb lay down and rolled over. He unconsciously curled into a ball on the cot.

More silence. Wren stood up, clicked off the light, then Caleb heard him slip under the covers on the sleeping pad.

"Goodnight, Caleb," Wren said quietly.

Caleb didn't respond. Wren sighed and the blankets rustled as he rolled up into them.

It would be a long while before either of the men fell to sleep.

⤱

It was early the next day, and Charles frowned at Wren. His friend had given almost monosyllabic responses to everything Charles had asked the whole morning. Now, Wren guided the newly running rototiller onto the edge of the big garden and began the process of tilling the soil into a usable bed for the seeds they were planting.

Caleb walked by, the bags of Beecher's seeds in his hands. "Hey." Charles put out a hand and stopped him. "What's up with Wren? He said around four words today."

Caleb clenched his jaw and shrugged. He started to walk past. Charles's grip tightened on Caleb's shoulder. "Caleb." It was that "big brother" tone Charles liked to use. He turned his brother around to face him. Caleb stared down, his face impassive. "Bub, what's wrong?" Charles shook him gently. "You guys not gettin' along?"

Caleb wet his lips. "Wren just needs to get himself figured out. That's all."

He tried to walk away again and Charles held on. An unnerved expression was now on Caleb's face. "Caleb, what's goin' on?" Caleb glanced at Charles's eyes, desperation, and anxiousness written in that gaze.

Charles felt a lightning bolt of realization. "You…" He looked past Caleb at Wren as he tilled the garden. Then he refocused on Caleb. "You an' Wren?"

Caleb swallowed and Charles knew. Caleb let out a breath and nodded. "Yeah."

Though he had already wondered, Charles wasn't quite sure what he'd feel if it happened. Right now, the most significant emotion was one of concern. "Okay." He still gripped Caleb by his shoulders. "Well, what's wrong?"

Caleb frowned at Charles. At first, he thought Caleb was angry, but the way his face moved made Charles realize that Caleb was doing his best to avoid getting upset.

His protective instinct kicked in. Charles glowered dangerously, and his fingers dug into his brother's shirt. "Tell me - what'd he do?"

⤱

Wren focused entirely on the rototiller. It wasn't exactly easy to keep it headed in a straight line, so it took effort and concentration. That was what Wren needed - something to occupy his mind. He hated how his thoughts kept trying to loop back to Caleb, and he fought to keep the handsome man out of his head.

Earlier, he had left a message for the sheriff's office. Wren expected to hear from them at some point during the day, and he hoped it'd be sooner rather than later. None of them had a lot of confidence in that route, but they had to get something on the books with the law.

As he struggled to think about anything but Caleb, a hand on his shoulder startled him. Charles motioned at the noisy machine, and Wren turned it off. Wren wiped his forehead of the sweat that had begun to form. "Yeah?" He glanced around for Caleb. The big Shaw boy was supposed to follow along behind, planting as Wren tilled, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Charles noticed. "He's down by the creek." Charles jerked his head toward the barn. "Let's talk."

"Uh, okay." The first stirring of anxiousness ran through Wren, and he followed Charles over the fresh-turned earth.

Charles and Wren entered the barn, and Charles sighed. He leaned against the ladder leading up to the loft. "Wren." He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "God, I don't even know what to say."

Wren frowned. "What?" Charles had never been one to talk around anything. "Just say it."

Charles eyed him, then nodded. "All right then." He cleared his throat. "Caleb tells me he's good enough fer you to play around with, but not good fer anythin' else. That true?"

Wren's jaw dropped. "Uh, he…" Wren made a flabbergasted sound. "He told you?"

Charles waved a hand. "Wren, I don't care about the gay shit." He stepped close, a serious expression on his face. "I care that Caleb feels like he's nothin' to you but a toy."

"What? No!" Wren was upset to hear such a thing. "I don't think Caleb is a," he shook his head, "he's not a toy!"

Charles crossed his arms over his chest. "Then what's wrong at least bein' open to the possibility of something more than," he wrinkled his nose in obvious distaste, "fuckbuddies?"

Wren did not want to have this conversation. "Charles, look, I love you, man, but I don't want to talk about this." He began to push past Charles.

"Hell no! Don't walk away from me!" He grabbed Wren's shoulder, and Wren whirled, his Krav Maga drills now governing his body. He grabbed Charles's wrist and pushed his other hand against his arm. Charles grunted, bent over, as Wren held his arm straight to his side in an arm-lock.

"I said, I don't want to talk about it." Wren gritted his teeth. To punctuate his statement he pulled a bit on Charles's arm, and his friend sucked air through his teeth as Wren tweaked his shoulder.

Charles laughed. "Well, you'll have ta break it." He glared at Wren from his position. "Because this is my brother. An' I'll be damned if you, of all people, get to make him feel like he's nothin'." Charles grimaced. "You're supposed to be his friend, Wren."

Wren wavered. "I never meant…" He slumped, his grip faltered, and he released Charles. Wren sighed, and Charles straightened to eye him. "Charles, I just don't want anything more with Caleb."

"Then tell 'im that. But don't keep screwing around with him." Charles moved his shoulder to get feeling back in it. "Maybe you can, but he ain't built to handle that." Charles ran his tongue over his teeth. "But, I want you to tell me why. You're already friends. I see how you two are together." He nodded at Wren. "Tracy and I both thought things would go real well between you."

Wren gripped his own head with his hands and leaned back against the barn door. "You wouldn't understand, Charles."

Charles cocked his head. "Try me."

Wren leaned over, put his hands on his knees and hung his head. He struggled to say what he needed to to make Charles see. Wren closed his eyes. "I don't want more with Caleb, so when he leaves, when it ends, it won't hurt as much."

There was silence while Charles thought. Finally, Wren straightened to look at him. Charles stared at him, then he threw his hands in the air. "What kinda sad bullshit is that?!" He pointed at Wren. "So, because yer afraid something might end, you ain't even gonna try? Are you really that chicken shit?!"

Wren swallowed and felt his anger rise up. "I'm not chicken shit!" He took a step toward Charles, who had also heated so that his skin flushed red. "People leave!" Despite his best efforts, Wren felt himself start to cry. "I'm glad you've never had that shit happen, mister fucking perfect, but people fucking leave me!"

Charles frowned, blinked, and he slowly held up his hands. "Wren. Caleb ain't your dad."

Wren gritted his teeth. "I never…" He made a pained noise. "I never said that." Tears continued to streak down Wren's face, and he angrily swiped at them. "Don't try to analyze me!"

Charles looked sadly at Wren. He took a long breath and nodded. "Fine." He sighed and stepped out of the barn, headed around to the creek where he had said Caleb was.

Wren looked at him, teary-eyed and confused. "Wait." Charles looked over his shoulder at him. Wren grimaced. "That, that's it?"

Charles appeared perplexed. "Well, yeah. Ya got your wish." He turned his back on Wren and continued on his way. "I'll leave ya be. I don't want my brother datin' a fuckin' coward."

⤱

Caleb was by the creek, seated on a cool stone by the water. He tossed pebbles into the flowing stream and watched as they splashed and sank down out of sight. He caught a glimpse of someone walking toward him, and he turned. His eyes met those of Charles's, and Caleb went back to looking at the water.

Charles sat beside him and sighed. Caleb felt raw, and he didn't know why. He shook his head, annoyed and upset with himself. "He didn't promise anything." He stared over the water as he spoke. "I shouldn't feel like he owes me anything. He doesn't."

Charles frowned at him. "Well, there has to be a reason you feel that way. Did Wren give you cause ta think what you were doin' was more than playin' around?"

Caleb grimaced. He despised this sort of navel-gazing introspection. Charles bumped him gently with his shoulder. "Well? Did he?"

"It's just, the night before last," Caleb laughed, a sad note in it, "ah, it just felt like more. The way he looked at me, an' the way he treated me." He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I misread things." He tossed another pebble into the water. "He didn't even want to just lay together. If it isn't connected to sex, he doesn't want it."

They both heard the rototiller start up in the field. Charles put a hand on Caleb's back. "Well, whatever you wanna do, I'm with ya." He smiled at Caleb. "Look, Wren ain't in a great spot right now, an' he's probably pissed at me." Charles patted him affectionately. "Maybe we should just let 'em be fer a bit."

Caleb nodded. "Yeah." He stood up and reached a hand down for Charles. His brother gripped, and Caleb hauled him to his feet. "Let's get the planting done. Then we've got a house to tear down."

Charles grinned. "Yep." They both headed up the creek bank to the garden. "Let's get to it."

⤱

Wren didn't say a single word over the next five hours. Despite that, the entire garden was now tilled, planted, and watered. As soon as that was done, he broke his silence and called for the heavy equipment and operator they needed to knock down the house. Matt knew the area and had been to Beecher's house. Matt gave a quote for the job, Wren accepted, and it was set to happen.

As Wren hung up Charles looked expectantly at him. They knew he was calling for the demolition. "Well? Is Matt comin'?"

"Tomorrow." Wren walked by him and caught sight of Caleb as he sat under the shade cast by the tin roof of the shed bordering the garden. The big man was sweaty from his work with wet stains from his neck down to his waist. They were all in a similar state and had all worked hard.

Wren debated. He had spent the whole morning angry, upset, and irritated. Now that it was nearly noon, and he had time to think, he wasn't sure what he should feel. He was spared from further reflection as his mother pulled in. The plan was for her to bring them lunch, and she was right on time.

All three of the men began to move toward her. She got out of the truck, the big wicker basket in hand, and she lay a smile on them as they met by the corner of the house. "Howdy, boys."

"Hey, Mom." Wren smiled faintly. "Thanks for lunch." He reached for the basket.

"You're welcome, but I'm gonna hand this off to Caleb." Rachel passed the basket to a confused Caleb. Her gaze was enigmatic when she looked at Wren. "Can we talk for a bit, Son?"

"Uh, sure." Wren glanced at Charles. There was no surprise on his best friend's face, only a measured look from him before he sat by Caleb on the porch of the house. As Wren walked toward the barn with Rachel he wondered what Charles had done.

⤱

Caleb frowned while Rachel and Wren walked away. He looked at his brother as Charles rooted around in the basket for a sandwich and a little bag of chips. "Did you say something to Miss Rachel?"

Charles coolly unwrapped his sandwich and spread its wax paper covering on his lap. "Yep." He took a big bite of the ham, turkey and cheddar sandwich, mayonnaise and tomato juice running out of it as he did.

Caleb made an indignant sound. "What? What did you say?"

Charles looked at his impatient brother, chewing slowly. Finally, he swallowed and licked mayo off of his lips. "I told her she needed to talk to 'im." He held his sandwich, looking carefully for where he should take his next bite.

Caleb grabbed his wrist before Charles could take another mouthful. "Well, what…" He grimaced. "What did she say when you told her that?"

Charles frowned. "That she'd talk to him?" He cocked his head at Caleb, one eyebrow raised. "Do ya really think she doesn't know?"

He thought back to the moment in Rachel's kitchen, and that little remark she made about how Wren and Caleb didn't really have anybody else but each other. Caleb's eyebrows knit into a frown.

Charles eyed him, gently pried his hand free of Caleb's grasp, and took another bite of his sandwich.

⤱

Wren and Rachel entered the cool, shaded space of the barn and she turned to look at her son. "Wren, Charles called to tell me that we need to talk." She held her head up and put her hands on her hips. "I know somethin' is goin' on with you." Her eyes softened. "So, let's talk."

Wren clenched his jaw. 'Charles, you bastard.' That Charles had gotten Rachel involved was beyond the pale - it was dirty pool, and Charles knew it. "Mom, it's nothing. There's nothing." He tried hard to keep his voice neutral, but he struggled to avoid the wavering tone of nervousness.

Rachel looked at him for a long, quiet moment, then she sighed. "Wren, I've spent a real long time waitin' for you to tell me." She smiled sadly. "But, maybe I didn't do the right thing, because I can tell it's eatin' you up."

Wren felt a wave of realization, and he paled. "What…" He wet his lips. "What do you mean?" His voice was small, weak.

Rachel chuckled. "Oh, baby." She stepped to him and folded Wren gently in her arms. "Your daddy and me, we knew when you were twelve that you were different. We just wanted to give you time to figure it out, an' talk to us."

"What?" Wren lay his head against her neck. "No." He began to cry. "No, daddy, he…" Wren gasped as he internalized what she had said. "He knew?"

"Yes, hon. We knew." She gently held him. "He was just worried about the uncles finding out, an' what might happen to you at school." She smiled. "We even talked about homeschoolin' in case things got bad." She patted Wren's back. "Your daddy sure loved you."

"I thought…" Wren breathed, attempting to reign in his emotions. "I thought he left, because of me."

"Wren." Rachel's tone was one of complete shock. She pushed back to look at her teary son. "No." She shook her head. "No, baby." She put her hands on his neck and pulled his head down to hers, their foreheads touching. "Never, not in a million years would Adam have left because of you." She too began to cry. "He was so proud of you - how hard you work, your pretty voice, how smart you are." She laughed. "You were a bright spot in his life - in both of our lives! I don't know why he left us, but I know that it wasn't you."

Wren had carried the guilt from his father's absence around for so long that it tried to cling to him. Even in the face of Rachel's words, and her love, it still tried to hang on. "Really?" He closed his eyes. "He was proud of me?"

Rachel leaned back to look at him. She ignored her own tears but wiped Wren's off his face. "Look at me."

Wren did, and her brown eyes held him. "You were everything to him." She nodded slowly. "Your daddy would have done anything for you."

There was no holding onto it, and the burden he had carried slid from his shoulders. Wren slumped in relief, and Rachel again hugged him.

There, in the shade of an old barn filled with hay, Wren forgave himself for a sin that he had never committed.

⤱

Caleb held his wrapped sandwich and the bag of chips as he watched the barn. Charles finished his lunch, dusted his hands, then stood. "Caleb, I'm headin' up to my place.

Caleb glanced at Charles, a bit annoyed with his brother. "Stir shit up an' leave?"

Charles snorted. "Yeah. That's me, a shit-stirrer." He frowned when Caleb continued to glower at him. "Why are you defending 'im?" He waved a hand toward the barn. "Wren isn't bein' a good friend to you, and I ain't havin' it." He set his jaw. "That's why I called Miss Rachel - she needs to get him screwed on right."

Caleb glared, then he dropped his eyes. He sighed. "Just, don't be mean to him. He needs you to be his friend." Caleb began to unwrap his sandwich. "I'm fine. I'll be fine."

Charles huffed. "When he does somethin' worth bein' mean for, then I'm gonna give it to him."

Caleb groaned and lay his head back against the post behind his back. "Charles, for fuck's sake. The best thing you can do is to just be decent to him!"

"I have been." Charles shrugged. "When he deserves it."

Caleb pressed his lips together and made himself avoid speaking for fear of what would come out of his mouth. Charles watched him, hesitated, then he sat back down on the porch with a sigh. "I just want the best fer you." He put a hand on Caleb's shoulder. "An' Wren too." Charles shook his head. "But, if you ain't noticed, Wren needs some pushin' to get to where he needs to be."

Caleb frowned. "And where is that, exactly?" He slumped. "I don't want you bullying him into thinking… Into thinking we should be together."

Charles quietly stared at Caleb until Caleb grew uneasy with the silence, and he glanced at his brother. Charles smiled as Caleb looked at him. "What?"

"Nothin'." Charles grinned fondly and patted Caleb. "An' everything." He got up. "I'll see ya tomorrow when Matt shows with the excavator."

Caleb watched with a confused frown as Charles walked away. Soon he heard the sound of wheels on gravel as Charles drove back up the hill to his and Tracy's place. Caleb sat there with his half-unwrapped sandwich in hand, his jaw working as he thought.

There was movement out toward the barn. Wren and his mother ambled along the path that ran around the edge of the big garden toward the old house. Rachel had her arm around Wren's middle, and Wren had one over her shoulders. They spoke quietly to one another, then they arrived at the porch.

Caleb watched as Rachel hugged her son. "I love you, Wren."

"Love you, Mom." Wren smiled as they separated.

Rachel looked at Caleb. She motioned to him, and Caleb put down his sandwich then stood to meet her. She pulled him in, and they embraced with him towering over her little 5'4" frame. She patted his back, then looked up at him. "You're a good boy, Caleb." She nodded, her smile slight but genuine.

He nodded. "Thank you, Miss Rachel."

She smiled at him a moment more, then she sighed in satisfaction. "I'm gonna head back home. If you boys need anything, just give me a holler."

Caleb watched until she passed out of sight around the corner of the house, then he turned his attention to Wren.

Wren unconsciously crossed his arms over his chest. "Charles go home?"

Caleb nodded. He stood awkwardly by the steps of Beecher's house, then he sat and picked up his sandwich.

Wren hesitated, then he joined him. He dug out his own lunch and sat beside Caleb on the steps. He started to unwrap the food and smiled tentatively at Caleb. "You waited for me?"

Caleb nodded. He looked over at Wren. "You're worth waiting on," Caleb said, and he took a breath. "Yeah. I'll wait."

Wren stared down at his sandwich. "You really think so?" He audibly swallowed. "I don't know, Caleb. I don't know if I can be… If I can be what you deserve." He sighed. "I mean, people date to figure this shit out, you know?"

Caleb shook his head. "All right, fine. Then I'll take you out on a date."

Wren laughed and looked at him. "Really? Well, what kinda date? Where would we go?"

Caleb's uncertainty returned. "Well, I don't know." He suddenly felt silly. "I…I guess it's dumb. Nevermind."

"No." Wren put a hand on his knee. "I'm sorry. I wasn't making fun of you." Wren's expression was one of hope. "You really want that?"

Caleb knew the answer instantly. "Yes." He allowed a little smile. "I know we went at this a little backward, but there's no reason we can't try, is there?"

Wren continued to look at him. His eyes moved over Caleb's features, and Wren appeared nervous to Caleb. He finally wet his lips to speak. "We can give it a try."

Caleb grinned. "Well, all right."

Though the men had plenty on their minds, they both quietly ate their lunches. They took their time, neither in a hurry to give up their comfortable proximity.

Finally done, Wren wadded up the wax paper wrapping for his food. He looked over at Caleb, and his half-smile made a corner of his mouth go up. "I'm looking forward to whatever you plan for us, Caleb."

Caleb heard something in his voice. Something that until now, Wren hadn't given him. "Okay." Instead of getting up, he put his arm around Wren's shoulders. In the face of his friend, there was both uncertainty and a willingness to trust.

Caleb stretched his neck, willing Wren to meet him.

After a moment of hesitation, Wren leaned over, and they gently kissed.