Under My Skin - 6. Part I, chapter 6

- VI-

By the end of next week, I got a job that Matt found for me, and I was insanely happy.

“You have no idea what it feels like,” I said to Christy on Friday night after I hung up the phone. “It’s like... I don’t know... It’s awesome! I’ll be making my own money, Chris!”

“Sweet,” she nodded, scrubbing the bottom of the ice-cream box with her spoon. “When you get your first paycheck, we’ll need to celebrate.”

“Oh, we will,” I promised.

Finally, she sighed and put the box away.

“Finished it, huh?” I said and she laughed.

“Yeah. I love ice-cream,” she admitted. “So...” she looked at me slyly. “Tell me about Amber.”

I almost grunted. Amber and I were hanging out every night since last Saturday. She was so surprisingly sweet that I hated myself. She never blurted anything like she used to. She had a great sense of humor, excellent taste, and she was really smart. I tried falling in love with her, I honestly did. But I couldn’t. I liked her a lot, she was a great friend, but that was it. Every time we made out (and that was a lot), I would see Alex’s face the minute I closed my eyes. It was driving me crazy. She never suspected anything, and she never tried to push the whole making out thing further. I knew that eventually I’d have to do it myself, and I was terrified.

“She’s good,” I nodded and Christy narrowed her eyes.

“Summers,” she said evenly. “Did you two... You know...”

“No,” I rolled my eyes. “Chris, this is embarrassing!”

“Whatever,” she snorted.

“Uh huh,” I looked at her. “Did you and Alex...?”

I laughed when she immediately turned bright-pink.

“No,” she muttered. “Jake, this is weird...”

“What?” I sat across the table from her.

She sighed.

“Well, you see...” she laughed softly. “Okay, you right. It’s embarrassing.”

“Spill,” I grinned, feeling relieved that she hasn’t slept with Alex yet.

“Ugh,” she grimaced. “Okay... Jake, I had never had sex before, okay?”

I stared at her in disbelief. I always thought that Christy was pretty experienced by now. I never asked her that, because I always thought that first of all, it was beyond embarrassing; second of all, it was more than sinful; and third of all, it was so intimate that it shouldn’t be discussed even between best friends. Now I felt totally different. I mean, it was still embarrassing, but the sin part didn’t even bother me lately. I found it really strange how ever since I moved out of my parents’ house, I wouldn’t even think about religion anymore. Like moving had completely erased every single pray and church visit from my mind. I thought it would bother me, but it never did.

Christy looked at me and blushed even harder.

“Yeah,” she muttered. “I’ve read all about it... I even watched some porn movies a couple of times. I found them in my brother’s draw... But I’ve never done it...”

“Jesus,” I shook my head. “Chris, I seriously thought that you... Well, done it at least once... I mean, you are always so confident, and you know all the weird stuff...”

“Uh huh,” she said softly. “I read a lot, that’s all.”

“So,” I said slowly. “Did you tell Alex?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “And he was really cool about it... He said that I should take all the time I needed, that he’d never pursue the matter if I wasn’t ready, but...” she bit her lower lip.

“What?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “It’s weird. I mean, I like him a lot... Sometimes I think that I love him. But every time we make out, I feel like there is a danger zone below my waist...”

“Well, there is,” I shrugged, and she laughed.

“Right. What I mean is...” She shook her head. “I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s like I really want to do it, but I can’t, you know?”

“You have no idea,” I thought gloomily.

“Maybe you are gay,” I suggested, and she just looked at me.

“No,” she said patiently. “I’d known that by now. No, that’s not it. He attracts me like nobody before. I mean, every time when he kisses me it’s like... It’s like I am about to pass out. But the minute I start thinking of having sex, my entire body just locks up... What’s wrong with me?” she looked at me sadly.

“Chris,” I sighed. “I am so the wrong person to ask this question... I am a virgin too, remember?”

“I know,” she nodded. “But you are the only one I can talk to about it... It’s not like I can go and ask my mom...”

“Well,” I shrugged. “I don’t know. To be honest, I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. I think you are just not ready. I mean, I am not the one to talk, but it’s just my opinion.”

“I guess you right,” she sighed. “I just feel so guilty every time I say no that I...”

“Why?” I frowned. “Didn’t you say that he was cool about the whole thing?”

“He was,” she nodded. “And he is! It’s just I know that he wants to, and...” she shrugged. “It makes me feel guilty... He never said or did anything to make me feel that way, but...”

“Chris, you complicate things,” I said. “Just go with the flow. I guess when you are ready, you’ll feel it. And if he is not pushing you, that’s really great!”

“I know,” she grinned. “Oh, Jake... I think he is the one...”

I felt like my heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces. It hurt like hell.

“Awesome,” I smiled.

 ****

I started working on Monday and I loved it. When I got my first paycheck two weeks later, I thought I was going to pass out right there. I was so happy that it didn’t feel real.

When I got home, I immediately went upstairs.

“Chris!” I said when I walked into her room. “We need to go out...! What’s wrong?” I frowned after she looked at me, tears streaming down her face.

“I broke up with Alex,” she said and started to sob.

“Why?!” I realized that was the wrong thing to say. “I mean, it’s awful... But why?!”

She sniffled.

“I saw him make out with Danetta,” she cried.

My jaw dropped.

“Are you serious?!” I sat next to her on the bed, and she immediately pressed her face against my chest and sobbed harder.

“Yes,” she managed to say. “I... I...Today... Went outside... He was there... In his car, kissing... Her...”

“You sure he was kissing her?” I asked and immediately felt like a moron.

“No, he was checking out her dental work, Jake,” I thought and winced.

“Yes, I am sure!” she sobbed. “He was all over her...! And... And...”

“Don’t talk about it,” I hugged her. “Not now.”

She ignored me.

“She had her top off, Jake!! Her boobs were, like, hanging... Out...!”

I closed my eyes.

“And then...” Christy continued to sob. “He saw me... And I... Oh, Jake...” she slightly pulled away from me, and suddenly, looked guilty. “Jake, I broke his car window,” she said in a small voice, and I started to laugh. “And then I told him to go to hell... And that I... I... I... Don’t want to see him... A-anymore...” and she was sobbing again.

“Chris,” I muttered, stroking her hair. “Chris, it’s okay... Danetta sleeps around... It was probably just...”

“It was my fault, wasn’t it?” she said quietly, and I stared at her.

“What...?”

“I wouldn’t sleep with him, and Danetta sleeps with everybody, so... He had to...”

“Jesus, Christy! No!” I looked into her eyes. “It’s not your fault!”

She sighed and looked at me with so much sadness that my heart ached. I could almost literally feel her pain. Christy looked at me for a few seconds, and her eyes became strangely intense.

“What is it?” I asked, and she suddenly leaned forward and kissed me on the mouth.

I was so startled that I couldn’t breathe. She pressed herself tightly against me and kept kissing my mouth. “No, no, no...” I thought in panic. “Oh, God, no!! Please, don’t do this to me...” I carefully pulled away from her.

“Chris, don’t...” I muttered, and she winced as if I slapped her. “Christy, I can’t... I am...”

I almost said it right then. I almost said, ‘I am gay,’ but at the last second, my throat just locked up and I couldn’t squeeze the word out. Christy looked at me with huge eyes and groaned softly.

“Oh, God... Jake, you are with Amber...”

“Right,” I muttered. “Amber...”

She buried her face in her palms and started crying again.

“Oh, God,” she said between the sobs. “I am such an idiot! Jake, I am so sorry... I don’t know...”

“Stop that,” I said sternly and hugged her. “Chris, I love you, you know that, right?”

“I love you too, Jake,” she sighed and finally stopped crying. “Jake, I am sorry...”

“Bailey, stop that!” I kissed the top of her head. “Let’s go get you some ice-cream, how’s that?”

Christy sniffled.

“Okay,” she finally said in a small voice.