String - 7. Jake's Heart

“Finnegan! Get that horn over the bar!” Mr. Reilly shouted at me. Getting the horn “over the bar” was the standard Mr. Reilly expected even in practice which meant you didn’t let the angle of your horn drop below your chest when you were marching. I had to admit I was dogging it on the field that day, but Mr. Reilly had been brutal on everyone that last week of the marching season.

“If you think I’m going to let up on you just because it’s the last game of the season, you’re sorely mistaken!” he snapped at us that week. The team had miraculously hung in there and finally won a few games by the end of the season. They were playing better than we’d ever seen them. The crowds had grown from filling about half the stadium to filling about two thirds of the stadium. We had learned enough Beatles tunes to mix up our show so it was something fresh every home game, instead of playing the same show every week like we’d done with Mr. Butler. Now that I knew who they were, I would spot Mr. Reilly’s husband and his friends in the crowd every week. Soon the band would begin the transition into concert band and jazz band. I was so excited that Mr. Reilly had removed the restriction that a student could be in either jazz band or in the drama club. Since Mr. Reilly was in charge of them both, they met at different times now. I’d eagerly signed up for both. To my surprise, Danny did too.

“I thought you would have had enough of Mr. Reilly after marching season,” I said.

“Yeah, but we haven’t been able to spend as much time together this year as we did last year,” Danny admitted. “I guess I’ll just have to put up with him to spend more time with you.”

I thought that was really cool of him to say. His relationship with Britney had fizzled out about half way through the football season, but they managed to remain friends. I wondered if he’d have been as eager to spend more time with me if his relationship with her hadn’t faded.

The Friday night of the last football game finally arrived. It was a home game against Central Catholic this year. Everyone was expecting another pounding, but our team was actually ahead at halftime. Since it was the last home game of the season, it was also senior night. We would say goodbye to a lot of good kids, like Logan the percussion captain and Lydia our field commander… Oh, and Justin, my fellow trombone player. I would miss him, actually. He might have been upset that I’d been made captain over him at first, but he ended up being really supportive in the end, and he was always willing to help with whatever we needed.

The field show was our best one yet. You would think now that it was all over that Mr. Reilly would be satisfied, but he was still finding ways we could improve. The team was ahead late in the fourth quarter. We couldn’t believe it! We were on the verge of our biggest win of the year! But in the last minute one of Central’s linebackers got past Shawn Spencer and sacked the quarterback, who fumbled the ball. The Central player scooped up the ball and ran it into the endzone for the touchdown. The extra point gave them a four point lead, which they would hang on to for the final score.

“Final score: Central Catholic 21, Mon Valley – 17. Thanks for a great season everyone!” Our announcer said. Even though we’d come so far, we were still disappointed. Just when we seemed like we were going to win we had it snatched away at the last minute. Still, we’d won four games, which was four more games than we’d won last year. Mr. Reilly had us play the fight song one last time for the team as they left the field, and then we marched back from the field back to the front of the school. Mr. Reilly gathered us together for one last circle meeting.

“I’m so proud of you guys,” he said. “You played together. You marched together. You were a true team. Good work, all of you. That said, concert band starts on Monday.” There were lots of hugs and handshakes after that. Our uniforms were put away for the last time. Once our belongings were put away, Danny and I walked through the parking lot to meet his mom at her car.

“’Concert band starts Monday,’” Danny said in his Mr. Reilly voice which was now a perfect imitation. “I swear, the guy’s some kind of robot. He’s relentless.”

“Yeah, but look how much better we sounded this year,” I said.

“Of course you’d defend him,” Danny said. “You’re the golden child.”

“Are you kidding? He yells at me more than anyone.”

“Yeah, he yells at you because he likes you. He yells at me because he hates me.”

“How does that make any sense?” I asked.

Danny thought about it for a second as we reached the car. “Never mind,” he said. We got into the car. I had to share the back seat with Danny’s little sister, Olivia.

“That was a better game than last year,” Mrs. Rossi said.

“We were so close until stupid Spencer let their linebacker just destroy our quarterback,” Danny complained.

“It was a good first step. You guys sounded great. That Mr. Reilly has really turned things around. I talked to him afterward and he’s very proud of you boys.”

“Proud of Jake, you mean,” Danny said.

“No, he said he was proud of you, Danny,” Mrs. Rossi said. “He said you’ve improved the most out of all his students.”

“He really said that?” Danny asked.

“See?” I said.

“Whatever,” Danny replied.

“I liked watching the cheerleaders,” Olivia said. “I can’t wait until I’m old enough to try out.”

“Great. You’ll be a freshman when I’m a senior,” Danny said. “I’ll have to put up with you at the away games instead of just the home games.”

“Jake, are you excited about going to the Steeler game with your dad on Sunday?” Mrs. Rossi asked.

“Yeah!” I said.

“They’re going to lose,” Danny said.

“Of course they’re going to lose. They never beat the Patriots,” I said. “It’ll still be fun.”

“We’ll drop you off at your dad’s place tomorrow morning,” Mrs. Rossi said. “You have everything you need?”

“As long as mom dropped everything off at your house, we’ll be good to go,” I said.

“How do you like being a big brother?” she asked.

“It’s pretty okay, I guess. I’ve only seen him a couple times. Mom let dad take me to see him the day after he was born. I didn’t expect him to be so tiny.”

“Oh they start out tiny and cute,” Danny said. “And then they grow up and become Obliva!”

“Shut up, Danielle!” Olivia whined. Danny and I laughed. It was always fun to pick on Olivia.

“Can we use the hot tub when we get home, mom?” Danny asked.

“Sure you can, sweetheart.”

“I want to use it too!” Olivia said.

“You can’t,” Danny replied.

“Why not?” she pouted.

“Because it’s boys only tonight.”

“Ew, you’re not going to get in naked again are you?”

“It’s going to be a regular old sausage party, right Jake?” Danny laughed.

“Sure thing,” I said.

“You guys are weird,” Olivia gagged.

“Daniel, don’t gross out your sister,” Mrs. Rossi said.

“Hey, if she wants to see me and Jake’s butt, she’s welcome to come down.”

“Gross!” Olivia cried.

We laughed. I was a little surprised that Danny had told his family he was getting into the hot tub with me naked. Mr. and Mrs. Rossi didn’t seem to think anything of it. “Just boys being boys.” And for the most part, that had been the case. Sure there was a little bit of legs rubbing against each other, or a foot getting into a sensitive area, but it was all just playful fun. We certainly hadn’t had a repeat of what happened at band camp, or even of last year’s hot tub incident.

When we got home, Mr. Rossi was still up, working in his living room on a case. He asked how the game had gone and Danny relived for him the excruciating last moments of the game.

“At least they weren’t shut out again,” Mr. Rossi said.

“The band sounded really good, as usual,” Mrs. Rossi said. “Mr. Reilly has done an amazing job.”

“They should sound better. Kenny Taylor staked his whole career on bringing him in. Old man Taylor never wanted to hire him.”

“Why not?” I asked.

Mr. Rossi chuckled to himself. “There was… baggage.”

“Like what?” Danny asked. “The whole gay thing?”

“No. That never even came up actually. I would have squashed that right away. Not hiring someone based on their sexual orientation is against the law. No, your young band director was quite the hell raiser back in the day. He caused a lot of trouble and the school board got involved. The old solicitor of the school board resigned in disgrace and moved out of town... It was a bad scene. So much has been said and done since then, it’s hard to even know what the truth was. And then they brought in a guy to be principal afterward who was supposed to help clean up the mess and he only made things worse. I had to work triple time just to keep the whole board from being sued or suing each other. That whole era was a real cluster. We lost a lot of good people around that time. The school hasn’t been the same. There was a lot of resistance from the board around the whole gay issue back then. Mr. Reilly was very vocal about things. And then after he graduated, when I started as solicitor, everything he’d stirred up boiled over. So you can see why there was resistance to bringing him in. Mr. Taylor, young Mr. Taylor, was adamant. He was willing to resign if we didn’t bring Mr. Reilly in. So they did. Best decision the board has made since I’ve been there. He’s been great.”

“Is that why there’s no student LGBTQ organization?” Danny asked.

“I’d imagine so. It would be perfectly legitimate to have one. There’s no legal reason why they couldn’t start one. I’d imagine the whole faculty is kind of gun shy about sponsoring it. The last teacher who did resigned during all the mess back then. I’d imagine no one wants to reawaken the sleeping dragon. I’d be proud of you if you were part of it, son. I was in my university LGBT Alliance as an ally back in the 90’s.”

“Didn’t people think you were gay?” I asked.

“And what if they did?” Mr. Rossi asked. “I was proud to stand beside my brothers and sisters in their fight for equality.”

I was thinking about that conversation with Mr. Rossi as Danny and I went down to the hot tub room together. It was late and the rest of Danny’s family were going to bed. Danny set the lights in the water to glow red. We stripped down and left our clothes in piles on the floor. Our underwear was the last thing that we shed and we slipped down into the bubbling hot water together. I liked that we didn’t have to pretend we were putting on trunks. It seemed silly to run upstairs and change into swim trunks that we were just going to take off anyway. We’d wrap towels around ourselves to go upstairs to get ready for bed anyway. It felt good and very relaxing to sit and rest my body and feel the tub’s jets of water massage my back.

“I never told you I saw your mom and dad having sex down here one time, did I?” I said.

“Really? Gross!” Danny gagged.

“Yeah, I didn’t see much, but I saw enough.”

“I think I’d gouge my eyes out if I saw that,” he laughed.

“I think it’s cool that your dad was on board with the gay alliance back when he went to college,” I said.

“Dad’s always been a bit more liberal than the people around here. He’s scared to death the state’s going to go for Trump and he’s going to win.”

“Like that would ever happen,” I said.

“You know, now that I know more about what he used to be like, I think I like Mr. Reilly a lot more than I used to.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You know, he acts like a drill sergeant and you can’t get away with anything in his class, but that’s just because he knows every trick in the book. Heck, he’s probably done every trick in the book.”

“Don’t you remember Mr. Taylor saying he holds the record for the most days spent in detention?”

“I thought he was just messing around. I wouldn’t expect that from him the way he acts, though. He’s probably yelled at me more than every other teacher I’ve ever had combined.”

“That’s because he knows you’re slacking.”

“I know!” Danny laughed. “I’m not saying I don’t deserve it! I’m just saying it’s annoying.”

We sat quietly for a while, soaking up the warmth of the pool.

“What do you think happened to his leg?” he asked.

“Mr. Reilly?”

“Yeah, like, the leg brace. The way he can barely walk after a day of marching practice… What do you suppose happened?”

“Did you see the scar on his leg when he was wearing shorts?”

“No.”

“Something major happened to him, that’s for sure. He had some major surgery on that thing. It looks like he got mauled by a bear or something.”

“Wow, that’d be awesome!” Danny said.

“If he was mauled by a bear?”

“He obviously survived!” Danny laughed. “Why don’t you ask him?”

“No way! I’m not asking him about that.”

“Why not? You’re his favorite student.”

“And I’d like to keep it that way!”

“Pussy,” Danny laughed. “You know what you really should ask him about?”

“Let me guess, I should ask him to start a new LGBTQ Alliance.”

“Yeah!” Danny said. “I’ll bet he’d be our sponsor.”

“’Our’ sponsor?” I asked.

“Of course. You heard my dad. It’d be for everyone, not just gay people.”

“For gays and those who just want to be around their awesomeness,” I said.

Danny laughed. “I like that!”

After sitting a while longer Danny decided to dip his head under the water, and once again came up coughing.

“Still a lot of chlorine…” he said, coughing. He slid around the hot tube to sit next to me.

“After what we did to it last year, that’s probably a good thing,” I said.

“That’s right! That was last year after the Central Catholic game!”

“Yeah. We never really have talked much about what we did that night. Or the night at band camp.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“It’s just… What do you think about it?”

“I thought it was fun,” Danny said. “It was kind of weird at the time, but it was a good weird. You know?”

“You don’t regret it?” I asked.

“No. Why should I?”

“You said it was a big mistake.”

“I was still processing it at the time. I didn’t know how to feel about it then. I’ve had more time to think about it since then. It was something we did that was fun and I’m fine with it.”

“But you’re still straight, aren’t you?”

“And that means I can’t fool around with my best friend?” he asked. His hand, which had been gently resting on my thigh, moved further up my leg.

“That’s what it usually means,” I replied.

“You think just because I sucked your dick that makes me gay?”

“I don’t know what it makes you or doesn’t make you.”

“It’s just something that we did and that we enjoyed.”

“And it’s just a coincidence that you found a girlfriend immediately afterward?”

“Yeah. Jake… I like you. A lot. I like doing stuff with you I could never do with anyone else. But it’s not something I’d want to do the rest of my life. I want to get married and have kids someday. And I like girls. It’s not like I’d suck just anyone’s dick.” His hand slid between my legs into my crotch.

“Just mine?” I said.

“Yeah, I mean as long as you’re cool with it.”

“Of course I’m cool with it!” I said. “Are you kidding?” I put my hand over his hand and guided him to my very hard dick. “Does it feel like I’m cool with it?

Danny slowly stroked my dick up and down. “You know what else I like to do, even more than this?” he asked.

“What’s that?” I asked. Then Danny leaned in and kissed me. It surprised me but I liked it. As he was kissing me, his hand slid down my chest to my belly button and back up again. Our kissing became more and more passionate the longer we did it. I felt myself getting over heated from the thrill of it all. Danny stood up and turned himself around so that he was facing me, and then he sat down on my lap, with his knees on either side of my legs. He embraced me so that our chests rubbed together. We closed our eyes and made out, our hands exploring each other’s body, our dicks jousting between us. It was all too much for us.

“We need to get out of this tub,” Danny whispered.

“Yeah…” I replied. We stood up and laid down on the deck area around the tub on some towels we laid out. The kissing picked up where we’d left off, with Danny on top of me. As he kissed me, he pressed his hips against mine, grinding our dicks against each other. He stopped kissing and looked into my eyes.

“I want to fuck you,” he said.

“I… I don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” I admitted.

Danny thought about it for a moment. “Really?” he said.

“Yeah… That’s too big of a step,” I said. “We’re too horny right now.”

“Sixty-nine then?” he asked.

I nodded. Danny turned himself around in a flash. Before I knew it, I found myself looking up at Danny’s dick and balls, lowering into position. I felt Danny grip my dick and then I felt his lips wrap around it. His tongue flickered all over the head of my dick. I grabbed hold of his dick and pulled it to an angle where I could take it into my mouth, and then I started to suck it. Danny pushed my legs apart so I was spread eagle. I could feel my asshole being exposed. Danny stopped sucking my dick for a moment, sucked on his finger, and then continued sucking my dick. I felt his finger, slick with spit, press against my exposed hole. It sank into me. Now, I had done what he did plenty of times, and with things bigger than a finger. But that finger turned me on more than anything I’d ever experienced before. I reached up and grabbed Danny’s ass with both hands and squeezed. Danny groaned in pleasure. A few seconds later I could feel the muscles of his ass begin to flex and his dick begin to spasm. My mouth filled up with his load. With his finger still buried in my ass, I thrust my hips upward and unloaded into his mouth too. Both of us groaned with pleasure as we released together. Danny’s weight pressed down on me, as if he’d lost the strength to hold himself up. I gently caressed his butt. I’d never felt so completely content in my life. I never wanted to let him go, and I wished I’d told him yes when he’d said he wanted to go even further than we had.

Danny rolled off of me and just lay there, his dick now limp against his body. I turned myself around so that I was able to lay my head on his chest and laid my leg over his. I could feel his chest rise and fall with every breath, and I could hear his heart beating in his chest. I laid my arm across his belly. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect scene, with the red glow of the hot tub illuminating our bodies.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“What?” Danny asked.

“I said I love this,” I replied.

“Me too,” Danny said. “You’re so fucking hot, Jake.” Danny pulled me up so he could kiss me. I could taste our cum between our lips.

“You sure you don’t want to be gay?” I asked. “We could do this all the time.”

Danny smiled. “It can’t last,” he said.

“I want it to,” I admitted.

Danny sighed. “You deserve someone who can love you like you deserve, not someone who just liked having sex with you.”

“But I love you,” I said.

“Jake… Don’t.”

I sat up. “I’m not.”

Danny sat up too and sat cross-legged across from me. “Jake, I’ve told you how I feel. I wish I could love you like you love me, but I can’t.”

“It’s just sex to you, I know.”

“No it’s not just sex. You don’t think I felt something when we did what we did?”

“What did you feel, Danny? Tell me.”

“I felt… I felt turned on. I felt… You make me feel like no one ever has before. But I didn’t feel love. I’m sorry. It’s just not there. I know it is for you and… I… I’m honored. You’re my best friend, Jake. I love you, but not the same way you feel about me. It’s not just sex, I swear to you. I wouldn’t do that to you. But…” he didn’t finish his thought.

Danny reached over and wiped a tear off my cheek and then held his hand there.

“I’m sorry I can’t be the person you want me to be Jacob,” he said.

I turned my head to free myself from his touch.

“We should go to bed,” I said. I picked myself up off the deck and walked down to where my towel was. I wrapped it around my waist and had gathered my clothes and left before Danny could even pick himself up off the floor of the deck. When he came into his room, he found me already dressed and in bed, facing the wall away from him. He dressed and climbed into bed with me. I felt him put his arm around my chest. I grabbed hold of his hand and gently pushed him away. I felt him sigh and turn the other direction so we were now turned back to back. I laid there a long time, but I didn’t really sleep. I don’t think Danny did either.