String - 4. Ricochet

We had a week off after band camp. Danny and I texted a little bit, but neither one of us called the other or suggested getting together. Usually, one of us would be suggesting that we get together at one of our houses. I just spent a lot of time practicing my trombone, memorizing my music. No matter what I was doing, my thoughts always returned to that moment I’d said “go for it.” Did I regret it? Not really. It felt good at the time. But there was definitely something different between Danny and me after that night that didn’t feel right. It was as if we’d gotten too close and bounced off of each other in opposite directions.

“I just need time to think,” Danny texted me. “Every time I think about what happened, I feel different about it.”

“I know,” I replied. “It got way too intense.”

It was about five minutes before Danny texted back. “Yeah,” was his only reply.

I put my phone down and went back to practicing. It was like I was trying to work out my feelings through the music. I was starting to understand why Mr. Reilly started every morning at that piano in the choir room.

Mom came home from work and started getting dinner ready for us.

“No Danny this week?” she asked as we sat at the dinner table together.

“We just spent all last week together,” I replied.

“That’s usually not enough for you,” mom suggested.

“Can I go to dad’s this weekend?” I asked.

Mom looked at me suspiciously. “What’s going on? Ever since you came back from band camp you’ve been acting moody.”

“I’m just tired,” I replied. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“I wouldn’t understand being tired?” mom asked.

“No… You wouldn’t… Oh never mind.”

“Your father gets you next weekend,” mom said.

“You could switch with him,” I suggested.

“And what makes you think he’s not going to be busy this weekend? You know, we plan our lives around who has you for that weekend.”

“I just need to get away for a while,” I said.

“What’s this about Jacob? You can tell me.”

“No. I can’t,” I replied. “I don’t even know if I can describe it myself.”

Mom sighed. “It’s alright with me, but you have to be the one who calls him.”

Right after dinner I called dad.

“Everything all right?” he asked.

“Can I come over this weekend? Mom says it’s okay.”

Dad was quiet for a moment. “Jake… I’m going out of town this weekend. I’m sorry.”

“Couldn’t you reschedule?” I asked.

“No… Jake, I can’t just drop everything because…”

“No no… I… I understand…” I said, trying desperately to keep myself together.

“Jake, we’ll do something really fun next weekend for your birthday, I promise, buddy. Okay?”

“Okay…” I said. I hung up and put my phone down. I brushed my eyes with the back of my hand and sighed. I returned to the kitchen where mom was washing the dishes.

“Well?” she asked.

I just shook my head.

“I tried to tell you…”

“What the fuck is wrong with this fucking family?!?!” I snapped. “Why couldn’t you two have just gotten along for a few more years instead of being a bunch of selfish jerks?!?!”

“Jacob…”

“Shut up! I hate you!” I stormed off to my room and slammed the door. I literally have no idea why I went off on her like that. I guess it was because she was there for me to yell at.

“Come on Jake… Keep it together…” I said to myself. I lay there on my bed looking at the ceiling. Then I started to hear my mom yelling. I assumed she’d called my dad to ask him what the hell he’d done to me. That wasn’t what I’d wanted at all. I turned over and buried my head in my pillow and cried for the first time since the divorce. I mean, I’d shed a tear here and there, but I hadn’t really cried about anything since then. Once I got that out of my system, I reached for my phone and texted Danny.

“Please let me come over this weekend,” I texted.

The silence of waiting was unbearable. After about five minutes, my phone buzzed.

“I’m sorry, we’re going to be busy,” Danny texted. “Another time maybe?”

I threw my phone on the bed and it bounced off and landed on the floor. I didn’t even care if I broke it. I opened my bedroom door, pulled on my sneakers, and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” mom asked.

“Out!” I snapped at her. I slammed the door behind me and walked down the street to the corner. I walked down to the next street and looked around. Mon City wasn’t that big of a place. I could probably jog to the end of town and back in no time at all, so that’s what I did. I ran and ran and ran until I couldn’t run anymore. My legs just wouldn’t go any further. Of course, I was at the furthest end of town when that happened so I had to walk home. I wished I hadn’t tossed my phone away. It was almost dark when I finally trudged my exhausted body up the porch steps. I didn’t go inside, I just sat there on my front steps.

After about five minutes, mom came out and sat next to me. She didn’t say anything, she just sat with me.

“I’m sorry I flipped out,” I said.

“I know you are,” mom replied. “I know you’re going through a lot. I wish I could help you.”

“You can,” I said. “Just don’t give up on me, okay?”

Mom put her arm around me and pulled me close. “Never,” she said.

I was so beat after everything I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. It took me forever to find my phone in the morning when my alarm went off. I eventually found it on the floor where it had bounced after I’d tossed it.

I’d missed a call from my dad and texts from Danny while I’d been off running. Danny had also called my phone three times but didn’t leave a message. I listened to dad’s voicemail first.

“Hey, buddy. I’m really sorry about this weekend. Your mom says you’re really upset about it. I wish I could switch things around for you, but I really can’t. I hope you understand. I promise we’ll do something really fun next weekend for your birthday. I love you, buddy.”

I checked Danny’s text messages.

“You there?”

“Jake, please don’t be mad at me.”

“Jacob, please answer!”

That last one had come in around midnight. I texted him back.

“Sorry, phone died. I’m not mad at you, I just miss you. Don’t be mad at me.”

Danny’s next text came back almost instantly.

“I was afraid you were mad at me after what happened at camp. I’m sorry I pushed you into it.”

I replied. “You didn’t have to push me. I’m glad we did it.”

“Me too,” Danny replied. Another text quickly followed. “You want to stay overnight next weekend?”

“Sure!” I replied. As soon as I sent it, I realized I couldn’t. “No wait,” I texted. “That’s a dad weekend. Sorry.”

“Crap, that’s right!” Danny replied. “During the week then? Maybe after band practice?”

“I think that’ll work.”

I went to the bathroom to start the morning, practiced my trombone for a while and then when my phone had finished charging, I went out into the neighborhood to play the Pokémon Go game that everyone was playing that summer.

After a boring weekend at home, it was good to get back to band practice. We were closing in on our first halftime performance. We would only meet in the mornings on Monday through Thursday that week, and then we were going to meet on Friday night to perform under the lights in the stadium as a dress rehearsal, full uniforms and everything. After that, I’d have my weekend with dad and then school would start on Monday. I would spend two days in tenth grade at age fourteen and then my fifteenth birthday would come on Wednesday. I was born on the last possible day to be in the grade I was in, August 31, 2001. If I’d been born six hours later, I’d be the oldest student in ninth grade instead of the youngest student in tenth grade.

As usual, the captains met ten minutes early with Mr. Reilly. He explained how we would spend the first part of the morning in the band room, take a break, and then spend the second half of the morning on the field.

“I hope you all invited your parents to come to the dress rehearsal,” Mr. Reilly said. “I think they’re really going to be impressed with how far we’ve come. That’s your night to celebrate all the hard work you’ve done.”

Our meeting ended and I slipped out into the hallway. After a week apart, I really wanted to see Danny before our session began. I found him walking down the hall toward the band room holding hands with Britney Jones, a junior girl who played saxophone.

“Hey Jake,” Danny said with his usual smile. “You know Britney, right?”

“Yeah,” I said. “We said we were going to hang out some time after band this week but we never set a date.”

“Oh…” Danny said, looking nervously at Britney and then at my feet. “Ummm…”

“It’s okay Danny,” Britney said. “We spent all weekend together. Spend some time with your best friend.”

Danny’s face turned red.

“Yeah, Daniel…” I said. “Make a little time for your ‘bestest buddy’ in the world.”

Danny turned to Britney. “Can you excuse us for a minute?” he asked. Britney made her way to the band room. Danny and I walked down the hall to an out of the way corner.

“I thought you were going to be too busy this weekend to do anything,” I snapped.

“I was busy,” Danny said.

“Too busy with Britney?”

“As a matter of fact, her older brother took us to go see ‘Sausage Party.’ Saturday night was the only time he was available to go. We needed an adult to take us.”

“And you couldn’t have asked me to go with you?”

“One adult couldn’t take more than two teenagers.”

I scowled at him. “So what? You had to go out and get yourself a girlfriend after what we did at camp?”

“Jake, come on! You know it’s not like that!”

“Then what’s it like Danny? God damn it!”

“I knew you were going to be an immature little bitch about this. I just knew it! Dude, get this through your head: I’m not gay! What we did was an accident. It shouldn’t have happened. It was a big mistake and I’m sorry I did it. I like girls, Jake. I’m sorry!”

“Go fuck yourself, Daniel!” I replied. I stormed down the hall into the band room. I assembled my trombone and sat there stewing. When Danny walked in I couldn’t even look at him. He grabbed his trumpet and sat in his seat. I was glad he sat on the other side of the room from me.

Mr. Reilly came in and we warmed up with some scales. He was happy that we hadn’t forgotten everything we’d learned in the week we were gone. We were allowed to look at our music while we went through the songs, but I didn’t need to look at it since I knew it by heart. Then Mr. Reilly turned off the lights in the room.

“If you can play it in the dark, I’ll know you’re ready,” he said.

We didn’t sound half bad. Some kids struggled, especially the percussion section, and since we were relying only on our hearing we could hear every mistake. After Mr. Reilly turned the lights back up, he wanted to go over some things with the percussion section so he went back there to be with them. Mr. Butler would have never left his director’s podium to go work with anyone. While he was doing that, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I slipped it out and checked it. Danny had texted me.

“YRU acting like such a dick about everything?”

I looked at him across the room. He was looking at me expectantly. I held my phone down by my leg where no one could see and texted him back.

“You started everything at camp and then call me gay? Fuck you.”

Danny glanced down at his phone and scowled. Soon, my phone buzzed again.

“You said go for it.”

“Don’t blame me,” I replied. “You told me take my clothes off. I would have just went to sleep if you hadn’t started it.”

“I knew you were going to act like this. You’re such a baby, Jacob!”

I texted him back. “Blow me, Daniel. You seemed to enjoy it last time.”

I smirked at my cleverness and hit send on my phone. I looked at Danny, who now had Mr. Reilly standing right behind him, looking over Danny’s shoulder! Danny was totally oblivious to Mr. Reilly’s presence.

“Would you like to share your texts with the whole band, Mr. Rossi?” Mr. Reilly said. Danny jumped about six feet off the ground. He dropped his phone on the floor, and when he picked it up Mr. Reilly snatched it out of his hand before he could stop him. Mr. Reilly looked at the phone, and then right at me.

“Anything you’d like to say, Mr. Finnegan? Would you like me to read to everyone here what’s on this phone?”

I just shook my head. Mr. Reilly looked ready to murder me. “Ten minute break everyone. Meet out on the football field afterward. Finnegan, Rossi… My office…. Now!”

Everyone took their instruments and fled. Danny and I followed Mr. Reilly to his office. I felt like I was going to the gallows. Mr. Reilly slammed the door behind him and sat at his desk as we stood there.

“Give me your phone, Mr. Finnegan,” Mr. Reilly ordered. I handed it to him and he put it on his desk with Danny’s phone. “Just what do you think you’re doing sending a text like that?” he snapped.

“He started it!” I protested.

“Can it, Finnegan!” Mr. Reilly exploded. “You know, I’d expect this from Rossi here. But you, Finnegan? I expected better from you.”

“I’m sorry sir!” I said.

“You should be! You’re meant to be an example of what hard work and discipline look like not sending crap like this to someone who’s supposed to be your friend! What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know, sir,” I replied.

“Anything you have to say, Mr. Rossi? Mr. Rossi?!?”

Danny was looking at the wedding picture behind Mr. Reilly.

“Wh… What? Sorry…”

“Get out of my office, Mr. Rossi. While everyone is practicing, you’re going to run laps with Mr. Finnegan here. I want you side by side the entire time.”

“How many laps?” Danny asked.

“As many as it takes for you to learn not to text on my time. Beat it!” We turned to leave. “Not you Mr. Finnegan.”

Danny looked at me with sympathy, and then reluctantly left me with Mr. Reilly. I was never so scared of a teacher in my life. Mr. Reilly just looked at me.

“Now then… Anything you’d like to say?”

“Not really, sir,” I said.

“I’m beginning to wonder if I made a bad decision making you a captain,” Mr. Reilly said. “It’d be one thing if you were just texting each other. But telling him to blow you? Telling him he seemed to enjoy it last time? What are you trying to prove? What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know, sir.”

“What if somebody else had read those texts instead of me? You want that kind of stuff floating around out there? Careless words can do a lot of damage.”

“I wasn’t thinking, sir.”

“Obviously!” Mr. Reilly snapped. “I couldn’t be more disappointed in you, Jake.”

That hit me hard. I sniffled. “I know, sir. I’m sorry.”

“Go run your laps. Justin can lead your section today. If I ever see or even hear about you pulling something so mind-numbingly stupid again, I won’t just take your captaincy away, I’ll kick your butt out of my band faster than you can blink. Have I made myself clear, Finnegan?”

“Crystal, sir.”

“Now get out!” Mr. Reilly said.

I did as I was told. I joined Danny on the track while everyone in the band watched us begin running side by side around the track around the football field. Mr. Reilly called the band to attention.

“Rossi and Finnegan are going to work out their issues together while the rest of us get ready for Friday,” Mr. Reilly announced. I was humiliated.

By the time the morning session was over, Danny and I were barely jogging and were both covered in sweat. What stung worst of all was watching stupid Justin leading my section while all I could to was keep jogging around the track. When Mr. Reilly blew the final whistle to wrap up the morning session, he sent the band back to the band room to put away their things. He waited there for Danny and me to finish our trek around the track. We walked up to him. Mr. Reilly pulled our phones out of his pocket and gave them to us.

“Never again,” he warned us. We followed him back to the band room and put our instruments away.

Danny met Britney and said something to her. She nodded and walked away, leaving just the two of us in the band room.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

“Go for it,” I said.

“I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted earlier, before everything blew up. I should have told you about Britney. I shouldn’t have acted like such a douchebag. I knew you’d be upset after everything that happened. I should have told you. I shouldn’t have shut you out all week either. I just… I didn’t know what to say after what we did. I should have just talked to you about it instead of hiding from you.”

“Just so you know, you really hurt me when you said all that stuff about what we did being a big mistake. You don’t have to prove your straightness to me or anybody else. Your feelings are your business and no one else’s. I’ve been a mess since we did what we did. It would have been nice to have my best friend to talk to. I needed you, Danny, and you pushed me away.”

“Jake… It really scared me how quickly everything happened. I’ve been afraid to talk to you since then because… I’m afraid of the way I feel when I’m around you. I don’t know if I can trust myself around you knowing how easily I gave into those feelings.”

“But I can’t do anything about that!” I protested.

“I know… I’m sorry Jake. It’s not your fault I feel this way. I just… What we did really fucked me up. I need some time and some space to process everything. I want to come out of this as still best friends.”

“I don’t see how that can happen if you shut me out every time you need to sort out your feelings.”

“I know. The one person who I would talk with to sort everything out is the one person I can’t talk to about it.”

“Why can’t you? I’d say I’m the one person who you can talk to because I’m the only one who understands what you’re going through.”

“Yeah. Okay, we need to find a way to move past this. How about we just establish right now that what we did happened. It shouldn’t have, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. We promise not to do it again or use it to beat each other up about it. We shouldn’t be naked around each other, so no more hot tub, at least without trunks. Okay?”

“That’s fine. As long as you promise not to dump me for a girlfriend and forget I exist when you feel uncomfortable about your feelings.”

“I’m still going to have girlfriends,” Danny said.

“And I might find a boyfriend someday, but we won’t let any of those relationships get in the way of us being best friends. I’ll try not to get jealous when you get a girl. Okay?”

“Okay,” Danny said.

Mr. Reilly walked into the room to turn off the lights.

“Are you boys still here?” he said.

“Just trying to work everything out,” I said.

“Well do it somewhere else. I want to go to lunch,” Mr. Reilly said. He left the lights on and walked back out of the room.

"What a dick!" Danny said quietly to me. "Remind me later to talk with you about him."

We left the school and found our moms waiting for us in the parking lot, chatting with each other.

“Well it’s about time!” Mom said when she saw us.

“Mom, can Jake come over after practice tomorrow?” Danny asked.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea!” Mrs. Rossi said.

I smiled at Danny and he grinned at me. We were back.