Good Guys Finish Last - 5. Chapter 5

“Mom really looked like she was getting stronger tonight.” I beamed at the look of my mom.

“Yeah? That’s great.” Derek stated patting me on the shoulder as I drove to the late night restaurant we ate at the first night we met.

“You were great with her too.” I announced remembering how he acted so close to my mother even though it was the first time they met. It wasn’t a show to impress me or her it was sincere and I appreciated the smile that formed across her face when they were talking about my childhood.

“Well it’s easy when your mom is just inviting and not stuffy like my mother.” Derek reasoned as we pulled into the restaurant. The same waitress took our order smiling that we had returned.

“Pulling an all nighter again boys?” She asked after punching in our orders.

“Nope, I have to work in the morning.” I answered and she rolled her eyes. “A nice young man having to work during the summer it’s a shame.”

“Hell yeah it is.” Derek announced causing her to laugh and wink at us then left us to ourselves. “If I don’t know any better I think she thinks we’re a couple.”

“What?” I asked surprised shaking my head.

“Seriously she winked at us and I don’t think we’re in her age range for a good time.” Derek explained lightly.

“You’re crazy.” I joked staring over at Derek who had a weird smile on his face still thinking he was right.

“Well there’s nothing wrong with the way people think.” Derek stated evenly.

“Yeah as long as they don’t bother you with the way they think.” I offered shrugging.

“Here you go boys, enjoy.” The waitress handed us our food smiling.

“Miss can we ask you something?” Derek asked stopping the waitress from leaving our table. I looked over at Derek with my eyes wide shaking my head scared at what question he had in mind.

“Sure cutie.” She put her hand on her hip and shifted her weight onto one foot waiting patiently for Derek to ask the question.

“Do we make a cute couple?” Derek asked pointing at him and me sitting at the table.

“Well let me get a better look at you two stand up.” She ordered motioning for us to stand. We were the only two in the restaurant and I was relieved to see no other workers around when Derek asked this stupid question. We stood up at the table and she took a step back as if to get a better look. She studied us for a little while then shook her head.

“You don’t even look like a couple show some love.” She ordered smiling slyly at us.

“No no, that’s quite…” I started to object, but then I felt Derek put his arm around me and kiss me on the cheek quickly, but with a force. It wasn’t a light kiss on the cheek he wanted to make it look serious. The whole show caused the waitress to burst out laughing at us shaking her head.

“It’d be more convincing if your little boyfriend wasn’t blushing right now.” She stated pointing over to me, which caused me to blush even more than what I was. “Have a fun time explaining this one to your friends.”

“We’re cute though right?” Derek asked, he hadn’t taken his arm from around my shoulders yet as he stood expecting a serious answer.

“Yeah, cute is what I’ll call ya’ll.” She answered.

“Thanks, I knew it he just needed a second opinion.” Replied Derek nodded his head in my direction.

“You’re welcome, now you better get to eating it’s about closing time and your food will be getting cold.” She said leaving us.

“When I get you home prepare to be tortured into a slow and very painful death.” I threatened lightly.

“Oh can’t wait for that.” Derek responded pretending to be afraid.

“I bet you can’t.” I snapped playfully as we ate our late dinner.

“So, when do you think your mom will be coming home?” Derek asked, “I mean with me living with you this summer it could become a problem.”

“No, Julie practically lived there anyway.” I answered, “I don’t think she’ll be coming home any time soon anyway. Those retarded doctors like to keep people too long.”

“Yeah, I had to stay overnight when I hit my head playing soccer.” Derek agreed smiling.

“How’d you hit your head playing soccer?” I asked amused.

“Well I was the goal keeper and I dived and hit the metal post that held the net up during practice and they said I had a severe concussion.” Derek explained using his hands to illustrate how he dived at the ball hitting the post instead.

“Leave it to you, I guess.” I shrugged laughing.

“Well your mom telling me about how you tripped over a basketball and went flying into the bleachers during the state tournament last year was way better than my story.” Derek brought up laughing like he had when he first heard my mom tell him while I sat there listening in.

“Yeah, it’s easy to trip over a basketball ok.” I protested gathering up our trash after eating. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah, I’m full.” Derek answered and we stood and waved at the waitress who winked at us then started giggling as we walked out.

“She think we’re gonna get lucky tonight.” Derek announced as the restaurant door shut behind us.

“All because of your stupid ass.” I snapped playfully nudging him.

“Well you weren’t a very convincing partner sitting over there blushing like a little boy who just peed his pants in class.” Derek rolled his eyes.

“I’m not good with public displays of affection with another male.” I joked as we left the restaurant parking lot and headed home.

“So you’ve had other male to male action huh?” Derek asked surprising me. I hadn’t noticed that I had slipped up.

“Yeah, a supermarket worker went to stack something on the shelf and brushed against my crotch.” I explained quickly.

“Really?” Derek asked looking over at me skeptically not buying my story.

“Yeah, you can ask Julie she was there.” I responded glancing at him quickly before returning my eyes to the road.

“Julie went with you grocery shopping?” Derek asked amused.

“She goes with me everywhere.” I answered shrugging.

“Is she sexually attracted to you?” Derek asked and I about swerved into the other lane of the road.

“No, god and even if she was I wouldn’t…” I trailed off when he started laughing. “What?”

“You’ve got gay written all over you.” Derek answered.

“Excuse me?” I asked astonished.

“I mean the way you talk about Julie like she’s the most ugliest unattractive girl is just gay.” Derek explained lightly. “When what every other guy sees is a hot piece of ass.”

“Well that hot piece of ass is a pain in the ass for me.” I snapped not amused at where this was going. “It’d be like banging my sister.”

“I know man, but still gay.” Derek answered patting me on the shoulder. “It’s ok we all have friends like that.”

“Like what?” I asked confused.

“Like gay.” Derek answered looking over at me.

“I’m not uh gay.” I lied as convincingly as I could.

“Yeah, keep telling that lie and you’ll never get laid.” Derek stated in an almost whisper. “I know your gay Julie told me you were.”

“Well shit what’s the whole damn reason I want to stay in the closet if that slut is going to tell every cute guy she comes into contact with.” I hissed embarrassed that he had known and not said anything. “When did she tell you?”

“You think I’m cute?” Derek asked not answering my question.

“Don’t get cocky.” I snapped, “Now when did she tell you?”

“When I took out the trash.” Derek answered slyly.

“So you knew and still wanted to sleep in the same bed with me in my room?” I asked growing more embarrassed.

“There’s not problem at all here so don’t get all out of whack.” Derek offered putting his hand on my shoulder.

“Well you’re going to have to wait for your torturing I need to kill me a loudmouth brunette named Julie.” I countered shaking my head.

“You can’t, she made me promise and I’m fond of my balls.” Derek stated pretending to be scared that he had broken his promise.

“So she used the whole threatened to cut your nuts off and feeding them to her cat line.” I stated knowing Julie’s tactics.

“Yeah, and the way you talk about her I have every right to believe her.” Derek responded laughing.

“I still have my balls don’t I?” I offered lightly.

“I don’t know, do you?” Derek asked skeptically.

“Yes!” I answered quickly causing Derek to laugh. “She’s allergic to cats anyway, she doesn’t even own a damn cat.”

“So she only targets the weak and clueless?” Derek asked as we had finally reached the house.

“Yes, the stupid.” I agreed earning a slap on the arm.

“I’m not stupid I was just clueless.” Derek defended as we walked to the door. I heard the phone ringing so I fumbled around with my keys trying to unlock the door to get to it before the machine picked it up. When we both pushed through the living room it was too late and the voice I didn’t want to hear this time of night came on the line.

“Well you haven’t made it home yet and I regret to inform you that your mother passed away twenty minutes ago.” Came the voice of Dr. Wes as I, Derek, and Lucy all stood staring at the machine. The message went on, but that’s all I needed to hear as I turned to look at Derek who closed the short distance between us before my knees buckled. I had to grab hold of him to keep from falling down. I outweighed Derek though so he slowly lowered us to the floor. Lucy seemed to understand what had just happened as she was whimpering and licking my hands as they still held tightly onto Derek’s arms.

“They should’ve let her come home.” I muttered trying to stop from crying. “She hated it there and wanted to come home.”

“I know she told me how she hated it there.” Derek offered slightly rubbing my head.

“She was alone we should have told them that we were staying longer Dr. Wes is such an asshole.” I stated in a low voice.

“Hey, she said she lived a full life don’t start blaming people.” Derek ordered lightly trying to get me to stop talking.

“Maybe if I had done something sooner and had her slow down she might have noticed sooner and…” I started but was interrupted when Derek placed a finger on my lips.

“Stop Charlie she’s not feeling any pain or anything anymore just stop blaming yourself she’d definitely not want you doing that.” Derek ordered then took his finger from my lips and started to rub my head again.

“Sorry.” I whispered. “I’m such a baby.”

“No, Charlie if you weren’t taking it this way I’d think you was weird. It’s the hardest thing to say goodbye to someone, but saying goodbye to them for the last time. It’s ok more than ok you be a baby for as long as it takes.” Derek soothed pulling me up so that he could hold me. I had slid to his waist when we were sitting on the floor. My mother was gone. I wanted to be there to physically tell her goodbye face-to-face so that it wouldn’t be a shock. I wanted her to be home with Lucy and I where she felt the most loved instead of some clean smelling, bare hospital room. So much has happened to her this year and I wanted to help her as much as I could, but I could never do enough. It was all out of my hands and it was hard seeing her like that every day. I regretted every fight we had or every time I thought she was unfair when I had done something wrong. I hated every time I felt like I had let her down when I refused to keep dad in my life like she had wanted. She said she had lived a full life, but I can’t help thinking now that she’s gone that I caused her to stop what she really wanted to do to be there for something I wanted.

“Are you ok?” Derek whispered after a long silence had fell on the room. Lucy had laid her head in my lap and had gone to sleep.

“No.” I answered weakly. I was still crying, but I had started to be able to control my whimpering and breathing a little better.

“Do you need anything?” Derek asked, “Maybe I should call Julie or somebody.”

“No just stay here, please don’t leave me right now.” I pleaded becoming a little hysterical

“Ok, I’m not going anywhere I promise.” Derek squeezed me tighter letting me know that he really was going to stay. “I mean that Julie would know better than me.”

“What am I going to do?” I asked looking up at him.

“What do you mean?” He asked not answering my question.

“I can’t live with out her. I need her to tell me what I need to do. I can’t, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with out her.” I explained scared that I would disappoint her without her guidance.

“You’ll get by you’ll see.” Derek countered sternly. “Julie and I will keep you on the right track that’s what we’re here for.”

“She left me with not knowing how I’d turn out. I know I’m going to disappoint her.” I stated not believing Derek’s words of encouragement.

“What kid doesn’t disappoint their parents in some way?” Derek asked and I felt like he wasn’t helping. He was supposed to tell me that I’d turn out great and I’ll give my mother all that she wanted for me to be that I’d be at my best, but he didn’t say any of that.

“She didn’t even know.” I whispered glancing up at him.

“She didn’t know what?” Derek asked curiously as he could. I was wondering how he’s kept himself together this well.

“That I was gay.” I blurted out then started crying again. “I was a stranger to my own mother.”

“Come on Charlie she probably knew and if she didn’t it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person for not telling her.” Derek offered.

“I wanted to tell her everyday after I found out.” I stated weakly. “I had hundreds of opportunities but I was too scared.”

“It’s ok, everything will be ok now it’s just going to take you a little while to believe it.” Derek soothed me. I was becoming exhausted as I kept crying into the night. I felt bad that Derek had to be here to comfort me, but I wasn’t ready to handle this one on my own. I don’t know when I had fallen asleep to Derek’s even breathing and him rubbing my head, but when I woke up with him staring down at me with us laying down me resting my head on his chest in the living room floor. The front door was open and it was dimly lit still early in the morning.

“Are you ok?” Derek whispered carefully.

“No.” I answered as the night’s events came rushing back into my thoughts. I stood quickly looking around the room.

“What?” Derek asked as he stood as well.

“There’s so much I have to do.” I huffed not knowing where to start. “It’s stupid to put off planning for a funeral you knew you had to plan for hoping some miracle would happen to where the funeral wouldn’t ever be.”

“Just try to eat breakfast first, what do you want?” Derek asked putting his hands on my shoulders looking at me.

“I need to start planning, I need to make everything as great as I can for her.” I whispered shrugging his hands off my shoulders and turned to go look for Lucy wondering why she wasn’t begging to be fed. I walked into my mom’s room almost breaking down. Then I saw Lucy lying on the bed in the sunbeam that was coming from the window. I remembered mom saying every morning that it’s always great to wake up to a bright sunny day so she had my dad install a window in the bedroom. Dad hated that window as it always hit his face before it did my mother’s.

“Lucy you hungry?” I asked and she groaned. “I’m not either.” I reached down and rubbed her on the head thinking she understood everything that had happened recently. A few minutes later I walked out of my mom’s room and found Derek standing outside of it he then followed me down the hall as I grabbed the phone book and walked into the living room finally closing the door and picking up the phone. Derek watched me as I called and prepared everything for my mother’s funeral and called the hospital as well letting them know that I had got their message.

“What the hell is going on, what’s wrong?” Julie asked bursting through the door almost knocking me over.

“I uh, Julie…” I trailed off not able to finish.

“Julie, Carol died last night.” Derek filled her in for me.

“Oh no…” She trailed off wrapping me into a hug. She had her nametag on from work so I knew she was sent here by Kathy to come drag my ass to work, but that was forgotten as Julie and I started crying as we held on to one another. “I’m so sorry Charlie.”

“Charlie.” I heard my dad say my name from the doorway.

“What are you doing here?” I asked letting go of Julie after going rigid hearing his voice.

“Son, the hospital called me last night and I thought you’d might need me.” He answered carefully.

“I’ll get along just fine with or without you.” I snapped my anger rising. I wanted to blame him for all of this, even if I knew he had no part in it happening.

“Come on, don’t be like that.” Dad reprimanded.

“I can be however I want. Remember dad you were whoever you were when you walked out on us so don’t tell me how to be.” I countered crossing my arms.

“Hey, Charlie please this is a tough time cut your dad some slack.” Julie ordered but I put my hand up.

“I don’t need you here Dad go home.” I ordered ignoring Julie.

“I’m here to pay for whatever you need.” Dad countered as he walked further into the living room looking around.

“I don’t want your pity money. You paying for shit don’t make up for all the love lost between me and you and you and mom. I can pay for it myself.” I snapped turning to face him.

“Think rationally son, you have college to pay for let me take this burden off of you, please?” Dad pleaded taking a step toward me. “Even if you don’t love me I love you still.” Him saying that before had no affect on me I had heard it a million times before this one time, but it was one thing I needed to hear right now. I walked up to him and he held out his arms and I let myself be wrapped up in them. When he hugged me everything felt safer.

“Then lets make mom proud of us then.” I announced as the four of us left the house planning to say goodbye to my mom.