The Wink - 7. Chapter 7

7.1 Bluebottles . . . @ beach

Silently and persistently the colony advanced driven by a moderate on-shore breeze. Often travelling in clumps, these Portuguese Man-Of-War coalesced into a colony, trailing tentacles of twenty-five feet (8 meters) on average. Now, the cluster of over ten presented nearly two hundred and fifty feet (76.2 meters) of extremely venomous tentacles.

Each single trailing arm had tiny barbs holding poison lethal to small fish. However, any human unlucky to encounter the ‘feelers’ would not escape trauma. Immediate, intense pain erupted where the tentacles touched skin, forming red welts as the spikes burrowed into flesh.

In certain instances, the venom attacked glands intensifying and prolonging the agony. Whilst death seldom occurred, immediate hospitalization is necessary to prevent shock, damage to the respiratory system, and fuelling an allergic reaction. The use of a magnifying glass and surgical tweezers is necessary to remove the spikes one by one. Treating the welts requires hot water and special creams, often needing hospitalization for several days.

Eventually the pain diminishes, the welts disappear, and the patient discharged. However, the memory of terrible pain lingers on, inducing a fear and respect for these marine creatures.

In Australia, the Portuguese Man-Of-War parasites are called ‘Blue Bottles’.

<<<>>>

. . . the sky’s so beautiful, so blue, and balmy. Sitting in the lifeguard’s chair two meters above the ground, you can watch people enjoying a day at the beach. (Adjusting his speedo) What a week it’s been. On a Saturday afternoon just like this, , Jason and I came out to each other with the expectation of a great sex romp together. Bloody hell, how quickly that changed. Not some six hours later found me staring into Billy’s cute freckled face and perving on his bones . . . (groan) Hey I’m getting distracted; I gotta watch the water for any sign of distress . . . now, where was I? Yes, yes Billy . . . Mr freckles, who . . . I must admit, has smitten me . . . (rambling thoughts) the sun’s bloody wonderful ain’t it. Love the way the warm rays caress me and make me feel . . . horny! . . . Billy, Billy, Billy. You’re only fifteen going sixteen and I’m all of eighteen, much too young to be committed . . . and yet, and yet . . . I feel something different, something wonderful. I love the way he reacts to me. It’s like . . . well, it’s like . . . I can imagine being together for a long time . . .(distraction) What’s that? Some young guy in a kayak . . . wobbling . . . aha, seems he’s lost his paddle . . . naught to worry about . . . now, where was I? Yeah Billy; we make a good couple. He’s happy being a bottom . . . and a great one at that . . . and I’m happy being top. Why shouldn’t I be happy, with his gorgeous arse to fuck . . . so like a pair of bubbles. Man, just thinkin’ about those two gorgeous muscled glutes makes me hard. (stretching his back) Besides that, we’re so alike and comfortable with each other. I don’t wanna scoot after we have sex . . . just, just . . . to cuddle, to cuddle and kiss . . . (sigh) If anyone else tries to seduce him, I’ll go crazy . . . he’s mine . . .

‘ATTENTION DUTY LIFEGUARD! ATTENTION DUTY LIFEGUARD! YOUNG BOY AND KAYAK IN TROUBLE. ATTEND IMMEDIATELY!’

The harsh loudspeaker announcement jolted Karl out of his inertia and he looked towards the water and the source of trouble. Sure enough, a kayak had capsized, and a young boy was floundering around trying to hold onto the boat. Rather than dragging the kayak into shallower water, he tried to get back on board in deep water. It was an impossible and tiring task, leading to disaster.

Jumping down from his perch, Karl grabbed a small body-board and ran into the water. With strong strokes, and using the board, he reached the lad quickly.

‘Here mate, I’ll hold onto the kayak and you use me to climb back on board. Then I want you to head towards the beach and shallow water. Understand?’

The kid nodded and using Karl as a lever, he quickly climbed back on board. The boat was of a type where you simply sat on, not in, the craft. Karl trod water to keep the vessel steady whilst the boy regained control. But the paddle was still missing and following the lad’s directions Karl eased the kayak towards the paddle, floating just a few yards away. With the kayak, paddle and young lad reunited, Karl turned the bow towards the shore. He didn’t hear the boy’s sudden cries of alarm.

But he did feel something all Aussies dread. Lines of Blue Bottle tentacles were wrapping around his body. At first all he experienced was panic . . . and then the pain arrived. Unfortunately, he began to trash about in a frenzy trying to get rid of the fine tentacles wrapping themselves around his body. This only caused the sharp barbs to dig themselves deeper into his flesh. He voiced his pain and fear by crying out.

‘HELP! HELP!’

The young boy also screamed for help so much so he had the attention of bathers nearby. With Karl still carrying the colony of Blue Bottles around his body, stray tentacles floated near and around. This kept nearby rescuers at a distance in case they, in turn, suffered the same fate as Karl. But the call of ‘BLUEYS!’ ‘BLUEYS!’ sent all bathers scrambling to the shore.

Jocko originally made the loudspeaker announcement to warn Karl and he stayed alert watching the drama through his binoculars. Immediately he knew Karl was in dire trouble. The cries coming from anxious bathers confirmed what had happened. Possibly, perhaps, probably, Jocko’s quick action in calling local Paramedics may have saved Karl’s life. Anyway, Jocko took off down the beach at warp speed picking up a surf belt on the way. Attached to the belt was a line that either could be let out or winched from the shore.

Karl’s pain stopped him from any rational thought. Almost semi-conscious he yelled and kicked at the offending feelers. When Jocko eventually reached him, his strength was waning. The young boy also showed signed of shock, but Karl’s dilemma came first. Jocko slid behind the kayak and somehow contrived to get the boy onto his back. He next maneuvered until he was able to slide the boat under Karl, so he lay across the vessel. Upmost in his mind was the dangerous tentacles still floating in the vicinity. More than his own safety he worried about the lad getting ensnared.

He then raised his arm to direct the beach crew to start winching him back to the beach.

On reaching shallow water he stared in horror at the mass of red weals covering both Karl’s front and back torso, his legs, and arms. Luckily none had landed on his eyes.

When the paramedics arrived, Karl lay whimpering in pain across the kayak. They determined that the number of barb strikes required immediate hospital treatment, so he they loaded him into an ambulance for transport to the local hospital.

Chaos ruled on the beach. Although bathers left the water quickly, some stray blue bottles had stung unlucky swimmers. The milder cases underwent treatment in the first aid room, firstly by removing the barbs and then thoroughly washing with saltwater. After this, the application of special cremes completed the therapy. To anyone suffering a more serious attack they recommended seeking medical treatment at once. Jocko, the man of the hour, went untouched by any tentacles and considered himself incredibly lucky. Every one of the lifeguards had suffered Bluebottle stings in the past and, as one, hated the maritime pests. Unfortunately, they appeared without any warning because the blue camouflage made them almost invisible in the water. Fishermen in open waters often spotted the brutes and reported their presence and general travel direction to local weather stations; they in turn would warn local swimming spots.

But there was no guarantee the creatures would behave as expected . . . until it was too late.

<<<>>>

Karl’s hospitalization caught Billy by surprise. On hearing the warning issued by a local radio station he telephoned the surf club who then told of the attack. When he asked to speak to Karl, they simply said he’d been ambulanced to hospital. Not having a car, he contacted Rhonda who straightway offered to drive him. As chance would have it, Jason’s wife Kathy was at her in-law’s house helping Gloria with a recipe. On hearing about Karl’s plight, she offered her best wishes.

When they reached the hospital Emergency department, they found Karl’s parents already there. The Emergency staff told them Karl was undergoing trauma treatment and no-one could see him. Four people then faced an anxious wait without knowing any details. However, a young nurse feeling sympathy for their plight, explained about his condition and related her horror as to the state of Karl’s body. She sympathized with them on having to wait but explained the attack, being severe, required extensive and careful medical treatment. So, they sat and waited.

Then only about half an hour after their arrival, Jason turned up. Whilst no surprise to Billy, Rhonda clearly didn’t understand why her brother should be interested in Karl’s predicament. The Sunday Karl came to lunch, they’d been protagonists and, as far as she knew, they hadn’t patched up their quarrel. Grant Williams also questioned Jason’s presence. He knew Jason was the preacher’s son and couldn't understand why Jason would be concerned at Karl’s dilemma.

I can understand the daughter being here, seeing she’s a classmate, but why the brother? That reminds me I still must check the church’s financials because the level of new spending doesn’t make sense. The other lad, what’s his name? . . . err, Willy, or something like that . . . he can’t be a classmate because he’s too young, but well, they make friends in unusual places these days. What a load of freckles though; not rocket science what his nickname would be. I ’spose I should say something.

‘Ahem! (Clearing his throat) thanks for you guys being here. I just wish it was in better circumstances.’

Although not fully unconscious, Karl slipped into a shallow coma as his body tried to counter the pain level. In this state medical staff lay him on his side to see the full extent of injury. They counted over eighty welts on his exposed torso. Administering a moderate pain killer, they went ahead to remove the small barbs, one by one. This took time . . . a lot of time. Throughout the process Karl remained in a dream-like state. The painkiller acted as a narcotic, reducing pain, and making him more comfortable. Eventually he slipped into a deep sleep.

In the fairy tale, the prince’s kiss wakes up the sleeper. However, in real life you need certain brain chemicals and neural circuitry to help deliver new supplies of waking chemicals. Forcing a person out of deep sleep, can be bad.

In the hour or so before he awoke, Karl’s body started to “rev up” and prepare for more activity. His body temperature started to rise, having reached its lower level near the end of the sleep period. His blood pressure increased with rises in certain serum levels.

In general, waking up involves changes in brain chemical concentrations. The activity of certain neurons such as orexins are critical for keeping the brain awake during the day. Once awakened, stimuli from the environment and from within the body will surge into Karl’s brain, allowing a homeostatic mechanism to kick in, keeping the brain awake.

And so, Karl eventually returned to the real world only to find himself in an alien environment.

‘(Confused) What happened? Did you put me out?’

The young nurse turned around from what she was doing to answer.

‘No stud, you just went to sleep after we gave you a healthy dose of pain killer. Nothing to fret about. Do you remember what happened?’

‘Shit, how could I ever forget. It were horrible . . . those bloody tentacles wrapped all around me. It bloody hurt it did. Am I clean now?’

‘Yep. Very soon the painkillers will wear out and you’ll start to feel uncomfortable. You’re due for another dose in about two hours. Are you feeling any pain now?’

‘Nah, just a bit sore. Can I go home now?’

‘Not yet champ. The doctor must see you first; if he thinks you’re OK he’ll let you go, for now just relax and make the most of it. You’ve got folks outside wanting to see you; shall I send them in?’

‘Who? . . . OK yeah send them in, please. It’ll pass the time.’

So, his parents, Rhonda, Jason, and Billy trouped into the room, all looking and sounding anxious. Of course, Karl’s mother kicked off,

(Anxious) Oh baby, baby, how horrible; you must have been in severe pain. You don’t look comfortable, let me adjust your pillows. No, It’s . . .,’

‘Hi mum, hi dad and . . . well, you-all. Please let it be mum, I don’t want to move around as it hurts a bit. Just leave it huh, but thanks anyway.’

His father took charge,

‘Now listen son, you’ve had a nasty and painful experience and it’ll take a while to settle down. As soon as you’ve talked to your friends, I’m gonna ask everyone to let you in peace. Especially (looking at Sandra) your mother. The doctor says you can come home tomorrow morning if all goes well, so in the meantime just rest. We’re proud of you Karl and the parents of the boy you helped would like to express their thanks. Also (turning to the gathering), thank you all for your concern.’

In the meantime, Billy had been watching Jason carefully.

He certainly looks good; fuck good, he’s a stunner . . . not a bloody freckle anywhere. But he comes with a lot of baggage . . . too much I’d say. He’d never leave his family and go with Karl. I reckon he’d be a top too, and that would conflict with Karl. No, I’d say he’d have to live his gay life secretly . . . and painfully. He’d never leave his wife for Karl – never. On the other hand, both Karl and I are free to live our lives openly. But yeah, I’ll still have to watch it; even if they become friends there’s always a danger of a little nookie on the side.

Just then Jason spoke up,

‘Hey Karl, I just dropped by to see how you are. I’ve gotta go now but as soon as you’re able how ‘bout we meet down the pub and relax over a few brews? Rhonda will keep me up to date on yer progress.’

‘What . . . oh yeah, thanks for comin by mate. I’ll certainly be having a few beers as soon as I get outta here. I’ll be in touch. Stay cool.’

While Karl and Jason talked, Grant Williams took Rhonda aside and asked,

‘Look I’m curious how your brother knows my son. I understand about you and my son but where does your brother fit into this?

‘Oh well Mr Williams it’s simple. I invited Karl to lunch with my parents recently and introduced him to my brother. At first, they had a bit of a niggle but obviously they’re OK now. I’m also sorta surprised that Jason came because they’re not exactly bosom buddies. But then (looking mischievously at Grant) a mere female can’t understand male bonding.’

‘(Grinning) I guess you’re right’ nor can a parent understand the mentality of a male teenager. Anyway, I’m glad you and my son are getting on. I felt guilty dragging Karl away from his friends up country. I know my son’s an open person, but it still takes time to establish new friends and a new social network. Having met you I know my son’s in good hands. I’m also pleased to hear that your Dad has been able to fix the church roof. I’m only sorry I couldn’t help him . . .’

‘(Crossly) Grant Williams! Don’t you dare question Rhonda about her father’s business matters. MY apologies Rhonda for my husband’s poor taste. Shame on you Grant; you should be bloody ashamed of yourself.

‘(Chastened) Ooops sorry young lady. My bad! When you’re a Bank Manager, it seems you’re on duty twenty-four seven. I do apologize.’

‘(Laughing) That’s OK sir, I really don’t know anything about my Dad’s business affairs. I do know, however, that he was pleased to get the roof fixed. Best you have a little talk with the Pastor; I’m sure he can fill you in on the details.’

Following Jason’s departure Karl and Billy managed to have a very stilted conversation.

‘How do yer really feel mate? I bet it were painful, not to mention scary, to have those bloody blueys wrapped around yer bod. I’d piss meself if’n it happened to me. If ya needs . . .?’

‘Nah, it’s cool Billyboy. I just gotta shock that’s all. I heard the kid got back safely an’ that’s great. He’s lucky none of the blueys got stuck on him, because it’d be really bad for a young kid. Thing is because we lived in the country I never had much to do with bluebottles so probably reacted wrong. Jeessuuss, I hope I never go through that again.’

‘That goes fer both of us. I only had one session with the bastards when I were young, and I can still remember the pain. Once yer stung by the little cunts . . . oop’s, sorry Mrs W . . . yer never forget. Every time I go swimming, I’m watching out fer sharks and blueys.’

‘(Softly) Yeah it’s lesson I’ve learnt the hard way. (giggling) So there I was thinkin’ about someone special when I got the call from the clubhouse. I’ll let you have more details when we’re alone. All I can say now is it were really steamy, so much so, I nearly made a fool of meself getting down from the chair.’

All the time they talked it was obvious they shared a personal connection. There was a tenderness in both boy’s eyes as they chatted and if they thought their secret glances would go unnoticed, they were wrong.

Am I missing something here? I would expect a tenderness between Rhonda and my son Karl seeing that they’re having a romance. Something like glances, eye contact, furtive touching, and secret body language. But between these two I can only detect rapport and friendly concern. On the other hand, there is something more than a relationship between Karl and this Billy. What could be more? Except, except . . .

A perplexed Sandra Williams went home with some unresolved questions and a growing, growing realization.

7.2 Jason’s Workplace . . .

The specially installed lighting at BOBS MOTOR SALES AND SERVICE danced off floors, walls and ceiling causing all vehicles on display to shine with a special brilliance. Brand-spanking new vehicles sat enticingly on the main floor space, inviting prospective buyers to open cheque books and spend much more than they could afford. After all, isn’t this the soul of capitalism? Over the years Billy’s dad, Bob Jenkins, had established a reputation of being a little pricy, but utterly honest. He also had a reputation of being the best service shed on the whole Mornington Peninsular. To work as a mechanic at Bob’s was an honour – almost a commendation.

However, Bob Jenkins wasn’t a happy man. Since learning his son was gay, he came to an angry conclusion that Billy could not – no, should not - inherit the company. Sitting in his glass-walled office on the mezzanine floor above the floor display, he mused about the future.

I’m supposed to bloody-well accept that me son’s a poofter, but I just can’t. It sickens me it does, bloody sickens me that he won’t choose a normal life, get married, have kids, and take over the business. After all, what have I been doing all this time? The risks, the hours, money issues and all the problems encountered in building up a company from scratch . . . nothing, it’s been all for nothing. Jeessuuss, fancy stickin’ yer cock up some bloke’s arse for a fuck is . . . well it’s disgusting, really revolting. And I’m not gonna consider the other alternative. For all his sickness I just know me Billy wouldn’t let some queer stick . . . woowa, don’t go there.

So, what am I gonna do, eh?

Just then Jason emerged from the locker room wearing his sullied overalls.

Now there’s a good lad, young family, respected parents, and a kid on the way. He’s everything my Billy ain’t – a real man’s man. Pity his old man’s a bible basher but it don’t seem to bother Jason none. Shit, what’s he gonna hand down to his son . . . a leave pass to heaven. Billy don’t know how lucky he is havin’ an old man like me. I’m gonna give him money, a career, security, respect and . . . aahh shit . . . but nuthin! He’ll throw it all away ‘cause he wants to fuck some bloke. Makes me wanna spew, it does!

Wowa, back off Jenkins; no point fretting over that. Now, Jason Anderson! Great mechanic, family man, popular and respected with no future following in his dad’s footsteps. Something to think about.

Just then Billy walked into his dad’s office.

‘(Surprised) What . . . William, what are you . . . why aren’t you in school? What’s going on?’

God he only calls me William when he’s got the shits with me

‘Jason asked me to keep him up to date on his mate Karl Williams, who got stung bad by some blueys. I thought I’d stop by on me way to school. Am I in the shit again?’

‘Not that I know of. But then again you’ve become something of a mystery to me; I don’t know who you are anymore.’

‘(Indignant) Oh I see, just because I told you I’m gay . . . ‘

‘(Angry) . . . I hate that word. Please don’t use that word here at the office. I’ve got some wealthy conservative customers who I know will take offense . . .’

‘(Furious) Take offense! Take Offense! You’re unbelievable. There are billions of gay people around the world and you think a tiny group of your customers is gonna get upset because someone says the word ‘gay’? For a smart businessman you’re pretty dumb . . . Father!’

Silence descended as father and son simply glared at each other.

‘(Exasperated) Well anyway, Jason’s down there not up here, so you best give him yer message and skedaddle on to school. I take it you’ll be home for dinner tonight?’

But there was no reply as Billy made a quick exit down the stairs and over to where Jason was selecting tools.

‘Jesus mate, I couldn’t help but hear you and yer dad going at it. Why d’ya rile yer him like that?’

‘(Evenly) Rile him! Rile him? I just gotta look at him to know he’s disgusted with me. Ever since I came out, we’ve been strangers – antagonistic strangers. He hasn’t said a kind word, hasn’t asked how I’m getting on at school, not once a how’s yer day been, and not once have we discussed footy. We used to be so close and now it’s like living on different planets. I reckon (choke) sometimes I can hear him crying.’

‘Oh man . . . oh shit, that’s scary. Ummm . . . I was about to say ‘poor bastard’, but I reckon you got the bad end of the stick. Look, I’ve got a busy day ahead and I heard you say something about Karl’s condition. Best ya tell me and then piss off to school.’

‘That’s were just an excuse to see ya. You and I need to sort ourselves out about our relationship with Karl and we can’t do that here. Can I meet you after work somewhere quiet like so’s we can have a good chat . . . sorta man to man?’

‘Yeah cool. How’s about the Canadian Bay pub?’

‘Great, what’s a good time for youse?’

‘About sixish.’

‘Great, see you then.’

7.3 Sandra’s lament at home . . . Saturday night

Ever since coming home from hospital, Sandra Williams felt uncomfortable. She needed to talk to someone, but who?

OK, OK, I know why I’m uneasy. I suspect there’s some kind of relationship between Billy Jenkins and Karl, but I don’t know what. Suspicions? Yes, my girl you really have your misgivings, but what about instinct? Feminine instinct! Let’s see now, they could be really close friends, they may be partners in some private undertaking, they may be setting out on some secret objective, or they could be . . .? Well anyway, I wonder if I should talk to Grant, maybe he can throw some light on the matter. (groan) Nah, he’d just tell me I’m a stupid female and to stop mothering the boy. Then again, regardless how Grant reacts, I still must give voice to me doubts. I owe him that much don’t I.

That was before dinner and as the night wore on, she became more concerned. Tiny pieces of a jigsaw puzzle began to align themselves. As she lay in bed, she began to think the unthinkable.

He never appeared to be girl-crazy like some of his mates. There were no salacious photos of sexy scantily-clad females adorning his bedroom walls. Whilst he had female friends they didn’t last too long and he never brought any girls home to meet us. The posters on his room walls were of male bands and sporting stars. When he talked to me about Rhonda, I guessed he had at last found romance. That’s why I noticed the atmosphere between Karl and Rhonda; there was nothing romantic in their reaction to each other. Any couple romantically interested would share glances, hold hands, enjoy secret smiles, and look as if they’re attracted to each other. Not so (sigh) Not so.

On the other hand, there was a connection between Karl and that Billy fellow. Fellow? . . . he’s just a kid. They shared an intimacy that only two people who’d had sex can radiate.

With this realization, Sandra knew she couldn’t sleep so she got out of bed and went and sat outside. It was pleasantly cool and quiet overlooking their backyard.

Fuck, now’s the time I could use a cigarette and a stiff scotch! (long pause) So what if he’s gay? Everything points that way even if he hasn’t come out and said it. I’ll be terribly disappointed, because being an only child he won’t give me grandkids. But that’s just being selfish. Gay people are far more accepted than ever before, so there won’t be any fear of emotional or physical abuse. Well, I don’t think so. (heave a sigh) And what about Grant? He’s going to be a problem, yep! I must share my suspicions with him, so if and when Karl talks to us it won’t come as a shock. I owe him that much. He’ll deny it of course, tell me I’m stupid and that no son . . . Thinking rationally, I’m over 50% sure he’s gay and that means I don’t have a choice. (exhale noisily) What about Karl? Is he having an affair with this young boy? . . . . well, he’s at least two years younger than Karl and that’s a big difference with teenagers. He seemed nice and concerned about Karl, so that’s a good sign. But as an adult I know how these affairs go when you’re young; they just don’t last forever.

All I can . . . err, we . . . can do is be there to support our son in the difficult times ahead. (chuckling to herself) One good thing, who’d want Bible bashers for in-laws! If he had up and married Rhonda, Karl would’ve had the Parson as his father-in-law. YUCKS!

Anyway, it’s good they’ll discharge Karl from hospital today; at least he won’t miss any school.

7.4 Billy and Jason meet . . .

As local pubs go, the Canadian Bay Hotel though smallish, only catered to regulars rather than passing trade. It sat at the end of the Mount Eliza Village and was perfect for quiet conversations. Billy arrived first. He’d stayed behind at school to do some homework and then caught a ride to the pub. Nervously he toyed with a soft drink, contemplating how the meeting would proceed.

Jason arrived soon after and before sitting down went to the bar to order. He joined Billy with a foaming cold large glass of beer. They sat in a cubicle facing each other in an almost empty Public Bar.

‘At long last eh, Billy, we get to have a one-on-one. Strange that we haven’t done this before. My bad; I guess I always looked on you as the boss’s young’un and out of reach. However, over the past 5 years you’ve grown up and into a good-lookin’ kid. I bet yer nickname is ‘Freckles’ eh?’

‘That’d be right. I don’t mind though, I guess if’n yer gotta have a nickname ‘Freckles’ ain’t too bad. What about you Jason, did you have a name at school?’

‘Yes, I did. They called me ‘Fleecy’. (seeing Billy’s confusion, he elaborated) Remember the fable about Jason and the Golden fleece? Well that’s where the name came from. Jason . . . Fleece. (laughing) Kids can get very creative, can’t they?’

‘I guess. (hesitating) Do you like workin’ for me dad? I know he thinks the world of you, especially since I told him I were gay. He hardly holds a civil conversation with me now.’

‘You don’t have a problem, like admitting yer gay? Don’t you get dumped on by the kids at school?’

‘Of course, but it’s liveable; much better than living a lie and hurting other people.’

‘OUCH! That was below the belt. A bit cruel mate.’

Billy drained his glass and hesitated before replying.

‘Actually no, didn’t mean it personally because I just reflected how better being out in the open was to lying. Even though you cop shit, it’s better to be open . . . believe me. Umm I need a refill, do you also . . .?’

‘Yeah (emptying his glass) thanks, (handing his empty to Billy) I guess I’m a mite thirsty – and nervous – been a long day at work. I’ll have the same as you, mate.’

Geeze he’s grown into a sexy kid. Bit too young for my taste, but he sure fills out those school shorts impressively. For Christ sake Jason, don’t go there. I do envy him being out and open, not worrying about slip-ups, suspicious stains, hickies, strange notes with unknown phone numbers and of course opened gay websites. (yearning sigh) He’s gotta lot of guts to come out. You can’t escape the undercurrent between father and son these days . . . it ain’t good . . .

Just then Billy returned with two refills.

‘I were just thinkin’ how brave you are Billy, to come out to yer dad. He’s a good man, but also a hard man. Not a person to get on the wrong side. Does it bother you; I mean being in his bad books?’

‘Yep! Sure does. I still love him even though we’re not on good terms. After all he’s still me dad and I guess I’ll always love and respect him. I just hope he can get over me being gay at some stage. That’s not unreasonable ‘cause me mums on my side and she has a big influence on ‘im. But Jason, even though I’m going through some down time, it’s still better to be honest.’

Jason stared at Billy for some time thinking on what the boy said. He gulped a mouthful before replying.

‘What’s with you and Karl?’

The sharpness took Billy somewhat by surprise and he sensed an emotional undertone in Jason’s question. He played with his glass as he considered how to respond. The moment dragged and then,

‘We’re close, friendly close. Why do you ask?’

‘Don’t bullshit me William. You know very well what I’m asking. Are you fucking him?’

‘And it’s none of yer bloody business. In fact, it’s no-one’s business except Karl and me. Anyway, why the interest? It’s not like it matters to you. Look at you, my Dad’s favourite, with a lovely wife and a baby on the way. Solid father, mother, and sister. Why should you be interested? I mean yer the pillar of society, a lovely little heterosexual going places . . . a golden boy.’

As Billy talked, Jason began to lose control and became angry.

‘I said don’t bullshit me Jenkins, don’t play games. I’ve got enough shit going on right now; I don’t need any smart talk from you. You know I’m gay, Karl would’ve told you I’m sure!’

‘Well, well aren’t we the brave one. You can sit in a near empty pub and come out to a kid whose also gay. No risk there. (Taunting) I’d never have picked you fer one of us, really because you hide it so well. It’s not me you . . .’

‘(Angry) Shut the fuck up! Don’t you dare lecture me, Freckles. My situation and yours is vastly different. I’ve got more to lose coming out than you do. If anyone found out I were gay, it’d be a disaster for me . . .for everybody in my family. How dare you compare my situation . . .’

‘(Ridiculing) Crap! Double crap! You think it was easy for me to tell my dad that he had a poofter, a queer, a faggott for a son. (Raising his voice) THINK AGAIN matey! What makes your situation so different from all of us? It don’t! We all must go through feelings of fear, then subjected to snide remarks, looks of disgust, and suffer physical abuse. And killed, yes, some of us end up dead. So, what makes Jason Anderson different to the rest of us? Well I’ll tell you . . .’

‘(Raising his voice) YOU’LL TELL ME NUTHIN’! Jeessuuss, (Catching his breath)) you sound superior just because you’ve come out to the world. Now yer trying to tell me you’re better than me because you’ve been a brave little bum boy and told the truth. SHIT! It makes me sick! For your info buddy-boy every situation is different, it’s just not black and white. I do have more to lose than you ever did. And then again there’s the matter of hurting people. My extended family is bigger than yours so I’m gunna think carefully before . . .’

Jason lapsed into silence as the import of what he nearly said hit him like a ten-tonne truck. Likewise, Billy kept quiet as he watched Jason deal with his inner turmoil.

I reckon he’s beginning to understand that maybe he can never come out. In his mind there’s too much at stake. Perhaps for him there’s another terrible option that he can never live a gay life. He can never be free. I never even considered that option, no, I could never be happy living a lie for the rest of me life. But maybe Jason can, or must . . .

Billy’s musing stopped as he spied Jason’s eyes become watery.

‘I’m sorry Billy, I’m a bit mixed up, let’s drop that discussion for a bit. What about Karl, have you talked with him about coming out. It’s gonna be difficult for him ain’t it? I mean, his dad’s a well-known person around here being a local Bank Manager and all. Surely he’s facing some heavy shit?’

‘He’s starting to come out now. Your sister twigged just recently and asked Karl to his face was he gay. No, she told him she knew he was gay. Smart lady.’

‘(Surprised) Rhonda knows? How . . .?’

‘Female intuition. Well, that’s what she said. She’d sussed Karl out and concluded he was gay. After that she seemed at ease. Women are strange creatures, aren’t they? I’ll never understand them. One moment they’re tearing yer balls apart and the next getting all buddy-buddy. Now another thing, and I’ve not told anyone; Karl’s mum gave me a weird look at the hospital as we were leaving. I thought nothing at first but then I guess Karl and I must’ve acted suspiciously without knowing. Little gestures, a certain dopey look, maybe a word or two, it’s hard to stop when two people are really close . . .’

‘(Jason interrupted) and have been intimate with each other. That’s a dead giveaway. So, you two have had sex eh?’

‘Umm, yes. Does that bother you?’

‘Umm, yes. It does bother me.’

‘Sorry.’

‘No, you’re not, and you don’t have anything to be sorry for because it’s my problem. Geeze, did I ever want to explore his body.’

‘(Hostile) Jason, it’s not my place, but it’s very much my concern that you may have sex with Karl. Because your life’s all fucked up doesn’t mean you can interfere with mine. Don’t fuck with me, boyo.’

‘(Harsh) Surely it’s up to Karl. Only he can decide to have sex with whoever he chooses. I’ll be honest with you, if he asks me, I’ll willingly oblige.’

‘Bastard! But I guess yer right. It won’t be your fault it’s Karl’s bad.’

There followed a short silence as each man considered where the conversation had led to. Eventually Billy drained his glass and,

‘I get the feeling you’ll never come out; that you’ll live the life of a straight man but having gay sex on the side. Am I wrong?’

‘(Slowly) Yeah, I guess. I can’t see any other way without hurting folks. Then there’s yer Dad. At some stage I’d like to hope a partnership could come my way. That wouldn’t happen if he knew my secret, would it?’

‘You bloody bastard. Your gonna use the bad relationship between me and me old man for your gain. Is that what they teach in Sunday school . . . how to be a good Christian and fuck everyone in sight. Bastard!’

‘(Hastily) Oh geeze, sorry Billy. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I like you; I know it’s a big ask but I’ve always hoped we could be friends.’

‘Can’t see that happening boyo. How do you work that out? On one hand you want to come between me and me dad and then up’n have sex with my boyfriend. Go figure that one out? You’re so bloody selfish, Jason.’

‘I suppose from your viewpoint I am.’

‘Yeah well, in a way I feel sorry for you. Your letting other people run yer life; you’ll never be free Jason. At some stage yer chosen life will turn and bite you in the bum!’

7.5 Jason’s Lament . . .

After Billy left, Jason sat and thought about the conversation.

Strange that Billy helped me make a big decision. I don’t want to throw away all I have just to live a life of sexual freedom. I have a loving wife, a job that I enjoy, a child on the way and the prospect of partnership down the line. Also, the possibility of hurting my family don’t sit well. I don’t need another partner when I already have a partner. I’ve fulfilled my husbandly duties and apparently satisfied my wife. Why should anything change? As to my sex needs, I can always go to the Seaford baths or even the many gay bars and steam rooms in Melbourne. If I get desperate there’s always the many local beats I’ve heard get busy after dark. No, I’ll do nothing. If no-one tells my secret, I can have the best of both worlds.