The Saturday Boy - 25. Two Big Purchases

It was the day of Jack's Mum's funeral, and I was in a murderous mood. Roman had parked up in the crematorium parking lot, and we'd tussled due to me being determined to go and stand next to Jack, defiantly. Roman had to pretty much throw me up against his car as I sobbed, watching Jack walk away from me towards his despicable family.

I saw red, as he was practically blanked by the first few people he approached, guessing they might have been his grandparents or some Aunt and Uncle. Either way, it made me mad to the core, and I wanted to march over there and tell them to rot in hell.

In the distance, I could see the look on my boy's face, rattled by the atmosphere, solemn from the rejection. He looked over a couple of times, and I tried to smile with encouragement, but inside, the beast that was my temper was ripping its way out.

"I can't believe I'm standing out here like some retard; I should be in there with him. He's my boyfriend… this is fucked!" I scowled, kicking my sneaker into the gravel beneath me.

"Will you just calm down? You knew how this was going to go. There's no point getting worked up," Roman replied, taking my face in his hand.

"What the hell gives anyone the right to exclude me from this, apart from Jack?" I snapped, pulling out of his touch, beginning to pace.

"Right, that's it. Get in the car, Joey, and sit there until you cool down." I did as I was told and skulked towards Roman's car, slamming the door as I got in. I saw his shoulders rise and then drop as if he had just sighed at my brattish behaviour.

Moments later, Roman came round to his side of the car and got in, glaring at me. "You are gonna fucking lose him if you keep doing this, Joe!"

"Keep doing what? I'm trying to show an act of solidarity, and all I get is rejection."

"Oh, here we fucking go AGAIN!" Roman shouted. "Stop it, will you? How many times do I have to tell you this is about him, not you!"

"Well, Roman, what's the worst they can do? Get angry, start making comments. He should not be left alone with that scum; I should be with him."

"What, so you can fuck up his mother's funeral by causing a scene… yeah, you would love that, wouldn't you?… You would revel in seeing his family squirm, and then what… what happens after you have made a fool of yourself, upset Jack and ruined the only chance… THE ONLY chance to say goodbye to the only mother he ever had."

"Don't shout at me," I pleaded, starting to choke back tears. I was so frustrated… frustrated because I was stuck out here and because I knew Roman was right. "I wish I was dead; life is so fucking hard!"

"Oh, hold on… So Joey's got a hard life, eh? Hmm, well, how would you like me to dump you in Somalia, where you have to walk ten miles for some water, or maybe I'll take you to see some people our age lying in bed with terminal cancer? Those lives are hard Joey, you have no idea!"

"Well, why is everything so fucking complicated? All I want is an easy life; instead, it feels like I'm going from one disaster to another, having to bite my tongue in case I say the wrong thing or stay away from certain places because people can't trust me to be there."

"You wanna know what your problem is, Joe? You're a control freak. You have to manage everything and control everyone around you, especially Jack. I hate to say this because you're my brother, but Jack is far more in control of his life and a lot more socially intelligent than you, and I think you're the one who needs reeling in."

I just sat there staring at him, my jaw jarred open. I could not believe the things Roman was saying to me. I started to cry again, wondering what I did to deserve such a savage review by my only brother, my closest ally.

He tried to lean over and hug me, maybe regretting his sharp comments, but I pushed him away violently before swinging the door open and storming out from the car. Roman opened his side and got out, running to catch up with me. He put his hand on my shoulder to turn me around, probably only lovingly, but because of the mood I was in, I turned around and shoved him, causing him to fall backwards onto the gravel, scraping his lower back.

"Arrrgh," he cried in pain. "You fucking little…" he started, getting back onto his feet. I stood there watching him come towards me. He grabbed me by the throat and pushed me to the ground, anger in his eyes… anger that I had never witnessed in him. I fell back, and we rolled around on the floor, screaming at each other. Roman's superior build and strength meant he eventually got me pinned down and straddled my chest with his whole weight before striking me across the face with his hand. A searing sting shot through my cheeks, and I burst into tears again like some small kid being slapped by his mother.

"What, not got the guts to hit me properly, Roman?" I spat, tears rolling down my face and spit coming from my mouth. Roman was red in the face, looking full of anger, rage and… regret. I saw a tear well up in his eye.

"You fucking asshole Joey, You really think I'd use my fists on you? You fucking hurtful bastard!" I closed my eyes and just wept, unable to move as he sat there on top of me.

"I can't believe you fucking hit me," I choked.

"You were hysterical; it was all I could do to calm you down."

"Bullshit, you got angry… you've never done that before. You hit me out of anger!" I hissed, trying to push him off me, but he was too strong.

"You've never quite tested my patience like this before, Joe, and you fucked up my back, which fucking hurts."

"Can you get off me, please!"

"Not until you calm the fuck down and tell me what the hell is going on in that fucking head of yours."

I looked into my brother's eyes, searching once again for his compassion, his love. I needed him to make this all better; I needed him to fix it, say the right things, and enter the correct code in my mind to reset it, but he couldn't, not this time. This time something was different, something had clicked in my head telling me this was not normal for me to be acting like this, and I needed to admit it, once and for all.

"Ro, I think… I think I'm having a breakdown," I struggled to say before bursting into yet more tears. Roman immediately rolled off me, got into a kneeling position and pulled me into him tightly. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my head into his neck, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Get some of it out, Joey, let it go, mate, you cry… you cry for as long as you need," He said softly, gently rubbing circles on my back. I did exactly that, in such a state, feeling like months of built-up tension was spilling from my soul. Months of toxic thoughts, months of lowness, months of anger, heartache and months of… Shaun!

Roman rocked me back and forth slowly and deliberately as I slowly came down from my stupor. I was hot, sticky, wet from sweat and tears. All I wanted to do was go to sleep and not wake up again.

Although there was only a year and two months between us, Roman easily picked me up and carried me back to his car like I was some injured animal. Although, I must admit, after all the crying I had done, my body did feel limp and week, but I felt cleansed, almost like I had been exorcised by some entity.

Roman opened the car door and let me slide in before walking around to get in his side.

"Feel better?" He asked.

"Yeah, a lot, actually," I replied, sniffing.

"I think it's safe to say you are not having a breakdown Joe, you just got to learn how to regulate those spikes in your hormones, man… your moods are all over the place."

"I know, I'm sorry… sometimes I can't help it. I guess because you were always so chilled and stable, maybe I got both our doses," I said, cracking a smile. "Did you mean all those things you said earlier, about…"

"Yeah, I did, Joey, and you needed to hear them. Sometimes, when I just start to think you're chilling out, you fly off the handle again."

"I guess it's all just got to me, one second, I feel like I'm responsible for all the shit that's happened lately, and the next, I feel like someone is just playing a cruel trick on me."

"You just need to concentrate on your boyfriend, getting through school and then thinking about your future with him. You don't just want to be working in Mum's pub for the rest of your life, do you?"

"No, I guess not," I said, shrugging.

"Well, what do you wanna do?"

"I dunno, Roman, I'm sixteen. Do I really need to start thinking of this now?"

"I'm not saying do something new; I'm saying think about the future. One day you and Jack are gonna want your own place and shit like that."

"What about you? What's your future looking like."

"I have no ambition Joey, none at all, you know me. I'm happy bumping around with the band and doing my thing. As long as I have a few quid in my pocket and a roof over my head, I'm as sound as a pound,"

"I'll miss you if I ever move out, you know that, right?"

"Not as much as I'll miss you, Joey. I still have a lot of feelings for you," He said straight up, without a hint of regret.

"W-w-what do you mean?"

"It's as I said, I still have feelings for you."

"Like sexually?" I asked, astounded.

"No, not sexually, that would just be weird. I have feelings for you that sit in the grey area of what's right for loving your brother. You were wondering the other day when I said I loved you more than you would understand, right?"

"Yeah, I remember, and don't you think even having feelings for me is weird?"

"I don't know; it's too complicated for even me to understand, let alone explain it to you."

"Should I be worried?"

"No, get your thoughts away from incest, if that's what you are thinking, Bro, it's not like that."

"Well, what is it like, Roman?" I asked, starting to get a little worried.

"I think what I feel is too outside the limits of human understanding, Joey; just take it as a compliment."

"Wish I could…are you… are you gay?"

"I don't think so."

"Bisexual then?"

"Nope, I don't think so either."

"So you're straight, right?"

"Also, no… I don't think so."

"Well, that makes no sense Roman!"

"Why, because you can't label it?… because you can't put me in a marked box?.

"So let me get this straight. You're a guy who's not into other guys, has feelings for his brother, isn't interested in girls and…."

"I didn't say I wasn't into girls. I just don't feel like banging one every five minutes like I used to."

"What's changed?"

Roman shrugged. "I dunno, it all changed when we… were doing the thing we don't talk about."

"Well, that thing we don't talk about, we seem to be talking about quite a lot lately."

"Yeah, I know, bad, ain't it?"

"Yeah, it is because it was wrong, Roman."

"Yeah, it was, it was a weird time, but it left me… feeling the way I do. It's like I can't commit to a girlfriend or anything. When we were on tour, I had a few girls meet us after the various gigs. Two even gave me the nod to go somewhere with them, but I just didn't feel that excitement."

"And that's because of me?"

"Don't say it like that. I'm not blaming you. All I'm saying is that I just feel differently now, after what we had… I mean did."

"So, do you feel bad I've met Jack?"

Roman looked insulted. "Hell no, Joey, I love the guy, I think he's as amazing as you do, and I really mean it when I say I'm over the moon you've found someone that makes you happy…someone that fills that hole you talked about."

"I'm glad, having him makes me complete, and I would hate for you to resent him."

"Joey, you're an extraordinary guy, and what I've just confessed as probably freaked you out a little bit, but listen, don't let it because it's not what you think it is. It may be unconventional and a little strange, but just don't call me weird or anything, okay?"

"Roman, we've had a pretty unconventional past, which I started if you remember, so I'm not gonna start saying you are weird because that would be the ultimate in hypocrisy.

Roman smiled and ruffled my hair before pointing out towards the Crematorium. "Look, people are starting to come out… It looks like it's all over."

"Yeah… can you see Jack yet?"

"Hmm, not yet; I'm sure he'll be out soon enough, and remember, nice and calm, yeah. Be aware of his state of mind and just listen if that's what he needs."

"Yeah, okay, Doctor, I got it, I got it!" I said, rolling my eyes.

I saw Jack appear out of the crowd, and he began to walk towards us. I got out of the car and stood by the bonnet, and waited for him to get closer before moving off to meet him.

His face was wet from what was obviously a tough event, and I collected him in my arms, looking out towards the crowd of people mingling around.

"You okay, Jack?" I asked, rubbing his back, looking at a growing number of people looking at us. I stared back, narrowing my eyes. I was glad Jack was facing away as I could see some of them tutting and shaking their heads.

"Yeah... I think so; man, that was shitty!"

Very slowly, making sure I didn't alert Jack to what I was doing, I moved one hand off him and extended my arm before giving all of them the middle finger and smiling. God knows what Roman thought, but it made me feel better. At least I got some kind of dig in, and seeing them all look at me with my boyfriend wrapped in my arms made the whole thing worthwhile.

"Ready to get out of here, or do you wanna stay until this lot have gone?"

"No, it's done. I just wanna go home," He said tearfully. I squeezed him tighter before leading him back towards the car.

 

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Roman was right about just listening. On the way home, Jack told me how horrible his so-called family had been, making him sit alone on the end of a pew while the priest read from a script that said nothing about the mother he lived with.

"It was a shit service; it was like the priest was talking about a complete stranger. My name was never mentioned once. Instead, I was referred to as the son. I tell you, I almost got up and ripped the fucking thing out of his hand; I was so angry," Jack ranted, understandably. "They had the cheapest looking casket you could imagine, no one brought any flowers and half the people there I had never seen in my life… probably all relatives of my fucking grandparents. My poor Mum… you know I didn't even cry because I found the service sad. I cried because if she could see what send-off they gave her, she would be mortified."

"Did you say the goodbye you wanted?" Roman asked, concentrating on the biker we were starting to pass.

"Yeah, I waited until they had cleared out and went and placed my hand on her coffin. I said a few words under my breath, including goodbye and I love you, and then I came out. My mind is feeling a little more peaceful now that it's finally over. I feel like she is truly resting… its like I finally know where she is and what's gonna happen to her."

"I understand, Jack… at least I think I do, not ever having had anyone die that I was close to."

"So, what did you two do while I was in there?" Jack asked, causing me and Roman to look at each other, wondering who would think of the best lie.

"Just chatted about life," Roman replied, staying on safe ground.

"Jack… do you think I'm a control freak?"

"Oh for fuck sake, Joey, Jack's just come from his Mum's funeral. Is that really a question he wants to be asked," Roman berated me.

"Sorry, you're right, dumb question."

"It's fine, Roman. It's nice to change the subject, actually. I gather you have been giving him a brotherly lecture then, Roman?" Jack said, a small smile developing.

"You could say that, but really, Joey should drop it."

"Well, Joey, I would say that you are… hmm, well… I guess I would say you overthink things, and then you tend to compensate by trying to control a situation where none exists."

"So I'm a control freak?"

"Maybe, but I can handle you," he said, squeezing my shoulder from the back of the car, chuckling.

"Humph," was all I could respond with.

"So, do you know when Shaun's funeral is?" Jack asked.

"No, I need to catch up with Dean soon. He'll know before I ever will. I dunno why there is a delay though, he's been gone a while now."

"I'm no expert, but when someone young dies like the way he did, I think they have to do an autopsy and some other tests, but that's just what I saw on CSI; I dunno how it works here," Roman remarked.

"Must be the same, surely," said Jack.

"I'm sure I'll find out soon enough, not that I'm invited."

"Dean will tell you how it went, though, right?"

"Yeah, he should, that's if he's still talking to me. It's not like I've been proactive in contacting him lately."

"I'm sure Dean understands you have been going through a rough time."

"Yeah, Jack, but that's when he probably thinks I should need him most, not shutting him out. I do feel he reminds me of being with Shaun though, we always did everything together… it was always the three of us, for so long."

"You should talk to him, Joey; maybe go over to his house one night," Jack said.

"And leave you at home on your own?"

"Yes, and leave me on my own…jeez, I'm not going anywhere, Joey."

Roman pulled the car to a halt at the last set of traffic lights before the pub, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "You know guys, I really need a piss," he remarked, sighing.

"Almost home," I said, tapping his stomach.

"Oooh, don't do that, or I'm really gonna piss all over you."

"I'm not into water sports, thanks."

"Just shut up and let me concentrate!"

The lights changed to green, and Roman pulled away briskly, causing me to hold on to the roof strap. Instead of parking across the road, he flew into the pub car park and unlocked his seat belt.

"Joey, lock it up, please. I really got to go," he squealed before leaping out of the car. I looked back at Jack and laughed.

"So, how was your first day without the bandage on?" I asked, suddenly noticing he wasn't wearing it.

"Drafty! But I'm glad it's off. It was making my head itch.

We both got out of Roman's car, and I locked it up as requested. Then, walking into the pub, I saw the new guy Ryan sitting at the bar, his eyes locking onto me, and then Jack.

"Hello, Joey, nice to see you again., so it is."

"Hi, Ryan, nice to see you too…oh, this is Jack, my boyfriend.

"Oh yes, Sandra mentioned you had a partner. Well, hello Jack, it's grand to meet you, so it is," Ryan said, holding out his hand.

"So, how have things been going for you?"

"Yeah, I'm settling in. I thought I might see more of you both than I have." Ryan said, and I could have sworn he was looking at Jack's crotch.

"Yeah, well, I normally get my jobs done after school, and Jack has been recovering from a… from an accident, so has not been down much."

"Well, I hope to see you both more often. Perhaps we could go out someplace. I don't know many people around here."

"Sounds like a plan," Jack said, and I glared at him.

"We'll see Ryan, anyway, we better be getting upstairs. Good to see you again."

"Yeah, you too, Joey, and good to meet you, Jack, nice ass, by the way."

Jack's face fell into a goofy grin, looking at Ryan, and I pulled on his arm, starting to walk away.

"That guy is a creep," I remarked as I stomped up the stairs, Jack behind me.

"Aww, he was just being playful. Chill!"

I looked back at him as if to ask if he was serious. "He was fucking checking you out right in front of me, groping at your cock area most of the time. And anyway, who says things like that after like, what? Two meetings?"

"Hmm, I was kinda flattered."

"You do have a nice ass Jack, but he really shouldn't be saying it in front of me, knowing we are together."

"Joey, you're doing it again," Jack sniggered.

"What?"

"He's no threat, so chill… nice eyes though, and built like a fucking wrestler."

"Yeah, his eyes are quite seductive, but the body does nothing for me, too much muscle."

Jack giggled. "It's not that bad; in fact, I'd say he was only a little more built than Roman, who, as you know, I find very hot," He said, running away from me.

"I refuse to be in competition with my brother over you or that dumb Irishman, now come here and give me some loving, tiger." Jack came padding back and into my arms, and we lightly kissed on the lips, nothing heavy but pleasurable all the same.

 

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I sat on the lounge sofa, with Jack sitting between my legs, while I played with his hair, gently running my fingers through it. We watched a movie, It was around nine, and Roman had fallen asleep on the sofa opposite complaining of dull stomach pains.

I felt tired but didn't want to fall asleep this early if I had trouble later on when it really mattered. So with Jack on the floor, his arms resting on my legs, every now and again, I was able to tilt his head back and plant soft kisses on his lips, making him smile. I really enjoyed these little moments, and it was great to see him happy after such a rough day. I did wonder how his mood was going to be when he got out of his Mum's funeral, but after his rant in the car and the fact it was all over for him, I guess he probably felt better now than he had for a long time since this all happened.

The day was fast fading away now, and natural light had begun to dim, being taken over by the light from the TV. We were watching Alien, which Jack had never seen, and he seemed to be enjoying it, every now and again jumping, which I found so cute. Mind you, I found most, if not everything Jack did, cute.

"What time did you want to get into bed?" I asked, yawning.

"I guess not too late, you have school, but I might watch another movie in bed if you wanna sleep?"

"It's funny. No matter how tired I am, I always have trouble sleeping when you are lying next to me, almost naked."

"Cheap comments like that will get you everywhere," he said, slapping my knee.

"Yeah, well, I say it as I see it, sexy."

"You know, I'm actually looking forward to going back to school. I mean, staying home and dossing all day does have its benefits, but It will be nice to interact with the world again."

"Have you thought about Maddy at all?"

"I'm not gonna fly off the handle at her if that's what you think. I really need to speak to her and see what the hell is up with her."

"Sorry Jack, I know she was… or is one of your best friends, but I can't help thinking she is some kind of fruitcake. Plus, I thought it was really out of order of her not to come and visit you in hospital and spread all that nasty shit around school, especially to Tom Parker."

"It is bizarre of her to be like that, and I'm not happy about it, but I need to be calm enough to ask her why she did it."

"Yeah, and why she never came and saw you in hospital, don't forget that bit."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll deal with it. So I guess it's gonna be shit for a while when I first go back, right?"

"I'm thinking of just coming out, Jack, to everyone, I mean. I think once people know, then they can move on with their sad little lives. The longer I leave this, the worse it will be for you and me… for us."

"You don't have to protect me, Joey, you forget, I've been through all this shit before with people at school. I'm an old hat at it now."

"It's not just about that, I'm just tired of the whispering, oooh do you think he's gay, do you think he's the one Jack is seeing, bla bla bla. It's tiring and it just makes my day miserable."

"Well, if that's what you wanna do…."

"I'm not going to announce it on some soapbox; I'm just going to not deny it if anyone asks, that's all."

"Have you thought about what you wanna do when school is over, and you have done your exams?"

"Funny you should ask. That's one of the things Roman was asking me today while you were at your service."

"And?"

"I dunno, another two years at college, I don't think I could stomach it, especially if some of the horrible fuckers stay on as well. I'm not sure Jack, I'm happy working here and doing my thing. I just think if that's what I am gonna do until I can get a real full-time job somewhere, then I really need more hours. Not being at school or college is gonna mean I'll wanna do stuff with you in the day, and we need money for that. What about you, have you thought about what you wanna do?"

"Well, I practically have no hours here, do I? So my plans need to be different from yours. My Mum always wanted me to go to Uni, but with no one to fund it and all the time I had off school over the last year, my grades would be crap and my exams even worse. I think I'm ready for the scrap heap.

"Rent boy…you'd make millions with that body!"

"And you'd be happy with that, would you?

"Hmm, perhaps not a good idea then."

"Besides, thinking about it, I don't even know how long my welcome is here. I might have to start looking for a place to live soon, or at least get the state to find me somewhere." He said, looking up at me. I stared back, thinking he was mad.

"Jack, there is no time limit. You can stay here as long as you want, even my Dad said you will always have a home for as long as you need it. I think my parents initially put a verbal clause in just in case things didn't work out. But look, everything is fine, you're no trouble, so they are happy with you being here. Besides, I think my Mum has a soft spot for you," I said, winking.

"Yeah, she is good to me."

"Well then, stop talking about finding somewhere to live and all that."

I let Jack carry on watching the movie, and I laid back, closing my eyes.

 

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"How can three boys in the prime of their life all be asleep so early?" asked my Mum as we all stirred. Roman was still in his original position, while Jack had fallen asleep with his head on my knee. The TV screen had gone off, indicating the movie had long since finished.

I rubbed my eyes and stretched my arms out. "What… what time is it?"

"Almost eleven. I've left your father to lock up tonight, as I've been on the go since seven this morning. So how did the funeral go sweetheart, I'm so sorry I didn't have time to speak to you properly earlier; it just didn't seem the right place to ask."

"Pretty much as I expected, my family blanked me!" Jack said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I find it hard to accept all your family are so hostile towards you Jack, surely some of them are not bigots?"

"It's my grandparent's fault, both sets, really. Because my parents and I lived so far away from the rest of the family, they formed their opinions from my grandparents. My Dad never stepped in and said anything because he probably agreed with them, and no one really liked my Mum, apart from her parents, and even they never visited her. So what can I say Sandra, we are a screwed up family."

"So sad," she said, shaking her head while her chin rested on her hand. "Well, if it means anything, Jack, I'm happy to take responsibility for you, and so is Andy, so you just forget about those nasty people."

"I try to, but it's tough when you haven't done anything but be yourself. So I try not to let it bother me, and most of the time, it doesn't, but it feels like I am being punished because I like…eh…

"Guys?" My Mum finished before grinning.

"Yeah, those," Jack replied, before giggling, bashfully.

"Roman? Roman!" She called, shaking him.

"What?" He replied, groggily, having fallen back to sleep.

"If you're tired, go to bed, or you'll wake up with neck ache like that." Roman just tutted and closed his eyes again.

"Oh, by the way, mum, tell your new leprechaun to keep his eyes to himself next time you see him."

"Leprechaun?" She asked, squinting.

"The Irish guy, he was checking out Jack right in front of me, it was…."

"Funny?" Jack chimed in.

"I was about to say disgusting." I groaned.

"Oh Joey, I'll admit he's very confident and sure of himself, but I'm guessing he doesn't mean any harm. Look at it this way. At least he's not doing it to Jack while you're not there; would you prefer that?"

"I'd prefer he didn't do it at all."

"Aww, my baby boy is jealous, how cute," She gushed before walking out of the lounge, slapping Roman on the leg as she passed. Roman dove up, disorientated before, growling towards the door.

"Christ, I'm gonna piss myself, and my stomach really hurts," He said, getting up and holding himself.

"What's wrong?" I asked, seeing him in pain.

"Dunno just feels like I wanna go pee all the time, but hardly anything comes out. It was the same when we got back here. It just comes on." He said before running to the toilet. Jack and I just looked at each other concerned.

"Do you think he needs to see the doctor about that?" Jack asked.

I shrugged. "Maybe… I think I'll mention it to Mum because he won't. I got up and stepped over Jack, making my way into the kitchen, finding my mother heating something in the microwave.

"It's cottage pie from the restaurant. Would you like some?"

"No thanks, Mum, gonna head to bed soon. Listen, I think Roman is unwell. He keeps having to go to the toilet."

"Probably just a stomach bug Joey, I'm sure he'll be fine," she said, dismissing my comment.

"No, Mum, it's not that end, he says he needs to keep peeing, and his stomach hurts."

"Oh, I see. Well, that sounds like a water infection. I'll speak to him about it and see if he needs to go and see the Doctor."

"Okay, but don't say I was in here telling you, you know how he is."

"No worries, I'll just mention it in a passing comment."

"Okay, mum, well, good night," I said, walking over to give her a peck on the cheek. She smiled and went back to monitoring, what I guessed, was her evening meal.

Back in the lounge, Jack was just turning off the TV. "Coming to bed?" I asked, seeing him yawn.

"Uh-huh, just gotta clean my teeth, and then I'll be in."

"That's okay; I'm right behind you for that myself,

 

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I lay in bed, staring at the moon, high up in the night sky, thinking. A cool breeze came in through the open window, and I could hear the faint sound of traffic and people circulating around the well-used streets of London. A train horn echoed through the air in the distance as one of the last trains of the night made its way into a terminal. All was peaceful, and although I was still awake, I didn't care as it was Friday tomorrow, which preceded the weekend.

Jack was due to go back to school next week and had offered to help me with a bit of light work in the cellar on Saturday, saying if he was fit for that, he was fit to help me. I, of course, refused, but he was having none of it. I expect he was bored, and I must admit, it was nice to think of the two of us working together like it had started out.

I looked at him quietly sleeping; his naked torso glowing in the moonlight. I was lying on my back and had his arm draped over my chest, his nose brushing my shoulder. I felt like I was on cloud nine having this Adonis with me, our skin touching… soft silky skin.

My mind was buzzing, going from one subject to another. From why Jack stayed with a control freak like me to why Roman said the things he did, plus his rather weird confession in the car. I thought about Jack's disgusting parents, Shaun, Dean, Dean's funny Mum, my Mum, and how great it was she loved Jack.

I guess it was a way for me to work things out. It felt rare to have this quiet time with myself, and somehow I thought it might be my brain just trying to process everything. My mind wandered back to Dean again, thinking I should really go over and see him as Jack had suggested. I planned to catch up with him at school tomorrow and see if he wanted me to come over after. If he did, I would just stay on the bus with him all the way to his house.

I missed Dean, actually, and hoped he felt the same. Funny how life just reaches a particular crossroads, and you find yourself not seeing someone as often anymore, when just previously you had spent every day with that same person, for like, your whole life almost. I thought about elephants and how herds of family and friends stay together throughout their existence, no matter what happens. But then again, I guess elephants have a far simpler life, just roaming from waterhole to waterhole.

I thought about what Roman said about other people's lives being a lot harder than mine. Suddenly felt I was pathetic coming out with something like that in the first place… that my life was hard, I mean. But, in truth, I had a great life and enjoyed privileges and freedoms others do not. I hated myself for being so narrow-minded and wished I had never said anything. If there was a God, he would probably punish me for being such an asshole when others around the world were suffering so much, and I was moaning about something trivial.

That got me thinking about how trivial some of the things people moaned about were. It puts it into contrast, what Roman said about the person who walks ten miles to get water, and yet a girl at school thought her life had ended when she developed a zit on her chin. I hear people moaning all the time about stuff they feel is important. It goes on in the streets, in the pub, at school… everyone thinks their issue is important, but on the whole, in this country, who can really say they have problems that warrant a mental breakdown when you have others being born in a mud hut with no life ahead of them?

If it were written in a novel, the truth about my life would be that it was fucking excellent. I had no worries, a perfect guy sleeping next to me, caring parents, a fantastic brother and good friends. What more could I ask for? What more did I want? And yet, I still found things to groan about.

I was insecure; that much was true. I constantly thought about Jack finding someone better, repeatedly asked myself why he stuck around with someone like me. But where did this all come from? Why was I like this? It wasn't as if I was ugly, and not to brag, but if I stuck myself on a dance floor at some gay club, I knew I wouldn't be alone for long. Trouble was, I only wanted one guy, and that was the one I was with, and it petrified me he would one day say he was leaving me for someone else.

Stupid, irrational brain, I thought. I don't remember anything after that.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I woke up to the sound of Roman screaming in the toilet. My Mum was banging on the door in a panic, and I dived out of bed, causing Jack to jump up, startled.

"What… what's wrong?" he asked, panicked.

"I don't know, but Roman sounds in agony," I replied, rushing towards the door. I stepped out and found my Mum trying to get him to open the door.

"Roman, open the door, for God sake, what's wrong?"

"Arrrr, I'm pissing razor blades, just give me a minute… fuck!" He cried, panting.

"Ro, it's me… let me in," I demanded. There was silence until I heard the door unlock, and he peered out, dripping with sweat, tears in his eyes. I barged in and shut the door.

"Boys, I'm your mother, let me in…Roman!"

"Mum, just give us a minute, yeah? it's male problems… not for your eyes!" I shouted through the closed door. "Ro, what is it? Fuck, you look terrible."

"I… I don't know, I'm in agony here, I just tried to go for a piss, and it was literally like broken glass was coming out of my cock."

"Do you have an infection or something?"

"I dunno, all I know it fucking hurts like crazy!" he said, breathing hard, with the pain.

"Let me have a look, drop your kecks," I asked, and he did as I asked. I had a good look around his penis, trying to see if there was anything unusual, but it looked normal to me. "I think it might be a water infection Roman, you really need to see the Doctor if you're in this much pain."

"How do you know about water infections?" he asked, staring at me, sweat dripping off his chin.

I shrugged. "I read about it on the internet, maybe."

"You told mum, didn't you?" He asked, perplexed. I never could lie to him and get away with it.

"I may have mentioned it… I was worried, Roman. But, look, if she knows she can help."

"Grrr, Joey, I don't want her asking questions about my bits," he hissed.

"Eh, I am still out here, you know, boys!" My Mum called, obviously hearing us talking.

"Just book me an appointment, Mum and please don't ask any questions," Roman pleaded. I gave him a light hug and left the bathroom, leaving him to… well, whatever he was doing.

Jack was waiting in our bedroom doorway, looking at me expectantly. "What's up with him? Will he be okay?"

"I think so; he just needs to see the Doctor," I said, passing him to get my uniform out from the closet.

"Joey, why don't you come back to bed," Jack asked, a sly smile on his face. Of course, I knew what that meant.

"We got twenty minutes, puppy, and then I got to get ready…do your worst," I replied, pushing him back on the bed.

I watched intently as Jack got positioned on the edge of the bed and ripped down my boxers, starting to suck my dick. It was such an amazing feeling so early in the morning, with my hormones and testosterone levels no doubt at their peak. He licked and sucked my head with such care and expertise that it made my body quiver with excitement. Then, building up a rhythm, it wasn't long until I could feel the tell-tale signs I was about to erupt. My cock head started to swell I'm his mouth, and as a muffled cry came from deep within, Jack pulled me out of him, with just a second to spare, and I shot wad after wad of hot cum all over his waiting face, drenching him.

"Well, that was fucking hot," he said, pulling all the globs of my still warm cum, towards his lips with his fingers. I just smiled in a state of shock, coming down from my intense orgasm.

"You really like eating that stuff, don't you," I said, passing him a towel to wipe off the residue.

"Hey, it's good protein to help me grow."

"Something tells me you are done growing and thank god," I said wryly, staring at his cock, now hard and pushing against his boxer briefs. "I better get you off before you get too lustful."

"Hmm, sounds good; what have you got in mind?"

"Wanna face fuck me?"

"Thought you'd never ask, he said, pushing my head down to his midsection," I smirked.

"Someone's horny this morning," I remarked, taking his meat pole out and licking it.

I began to build some rhythm on Jack's cock until he grabbed my head in his hands and took over. I did gag a couple of times but was getting used to taking most of him down my throat now. I had to place my hands on his hips a few times as he was getting a little carried away, but it wasn't long until his knees started to tremble, and I knew what was coming.

I sucked and slurped on him, applying more and more pressure as his trip to nirvana moved closer. Finally, I could feel his fingers starting to dig into my head, the speed increasing until there was a low grunt and one final shove. I closed my eyes as rope after rope of hot juice filled the cavern that was my mouth. It was sweet, just like Jack's always was, not nasty and salty as you hear about. I lapped it all up, managing to swallow in tandem with his contractions until finally, he was drained.

I pulled off him and looked up. A calm look of satisfaction plastered all over my boyfriend's face greeted me, and I smirked, knowing he had enjoyed himself.

"Thanks, babe, that was intense," he said, stroking my hair lovingly.

"Good, now I gotta get ready. It's gonna be an awesome day today; I can feel it. Oh, speaking of today, I've been thinking about what you said, you know about seeing Dean?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, and if you're cool, I'm gonna go over and hang with him tonight after school."

"Go for it Joey, it will do you both good, and don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"Thanks, Jack, okay, I really gotta get ready now," I declared, kissing my angel on the lips.

I rushed to the bathroom, finding it empty after Roman's little problem, which had had him hauled up in there for ages. Turning on the shower, I stripped off my boxers and got in, not bothering to wait for any kind of heat to come through. The cold water made me breathe in suddenly, screwing my face up in the process. Soon warm water was flowing, and I went to work on cleaning myself.

I left my hair as it seemed to style better unwashed and quickly got out, rigorously drying myself. I was just about to leave the bathroom when Roman barged in, pushing me out in the process.

"Hey, just go to the fucking doctors!"

"If I could stop pissing, I would. Have a good day at school," he replied, in obvious pain. I went back into the bedroom and found Jack had got back into bed. He had his eyes closed and was looking really cute. I would have given anything to climb back in with him, but alas, I had to go, not wanting to miss any more of school.

Rushing to get my uniform on, I went over and gave his forehead a kiss, causing a gentle smile to etch across his face.

"I'll see you later, Jack, have a nice day, yeah?"

"Hmm, you too," he replied dreamily.

I hurried downstairs and gave my Mum a peck on the cheek before rushing out of the bar and onto the street. I had to run for my bus. I was so late but managed to make it just as it pulled into the stop.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Orca, wait up," I called, walking towards the main entrance to our school. He stopped and turned, beaming a smile at me. "How are you?"

"Yeah, I'm good, its Friday, remember?" he said, ruffling my hair.

"How can I forget…say, have you seen Dean at all?"

"Nope, but I'm a little later than usual, my mum dropped me off, but she didn't end up getting out of the door until nearly half eight!"

"Makeup?" I said, giggling.

"How did you guess?"

"Hey, it's a woman thing. My Mum is just the same. By the way, you should come over to the pub one night and meet Jack. Maybe we could hang out or something?"

"Oh wow, that would be great. I don't know anyone yet, really, so it would be good to get out and do something different…hey, will your hot brother be there?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, Ro will be there, but he's not well at the moment, so you'll have to be gentle."

Orca laughed. "I'm sure I can fix that!" he said mischievously.

We walked through the main door, and I headed to my locker, leaving Olly to head to his. I saw one of Tommy Parker's cronies coming towards me and braced myself.

"Get some cock last night, Cork," spat Leon Sanders, pushing me against the lockers.

"This morning actually, Sanders, it was pretty good," I said, tired of hiding my secret and feeling good to just admit it, as well as freaking Leon out.

"So you admit it then…you and Stanton… fuck that's sick Cork, you need help!"

"Maybe Sanders, but I know for a fact I'm getting more than you, you ugly prick, now if you don't mind, I'm gonna be late for class, unless you want me to suck your dick before I go?"

Sanders drew back in horror, his face going bright red. I made no effort to keep my voice down, causing people to look at him and laugh… yeah, him, not me! He gave me another shove, threatened something under his breath and then stormed off. I casually went to my locker and started pulling out my things for the morning. I was determined not to rise to their bullshit. I just had to get through two more months, and I was out of here… out of here to spend my life closer to Jack, and I was dammed if I was gonna let the likes of Leon fucking Sanders make me miserable.

Which he didn't!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, how are things?" Dean asked, emotionless, and I tried to ignore it.

"Yeah, they're good, really good, in fact," I replied as we walked out of school.

"So how come you wanna hang out all of a sudden?"

"Because it's long overdue, we did, and I miss you."

"Cut the crap, you miss me? If you could do it easily enough, I'm sure you'd drop me now that you've got lover boy."

"I haven't been the friend lately that I should have been, I get that, but if you think I wanna drop you, you're mistaken, Dean."

"Well, time will tell, but I'm pissed you haven't called like you said you would."

"Dean, I get it, I've been a selfish, unreliable prick, and I'm really sorry. I'm hoping you can get past that, and our friendship can continue because I can't turn the clock back."

"Are you asking me to forgive you?"

"In a way, yeah!"

"Fine, I forgive you, c'mon, we need to get this," he said, starting to walk faster as our bus pulled into the stop.

"We've got time; look at the queue."

I didn't know if Dean had forgiven me, but it was a start. He was right, I'd neglected him these past few weeks, and he had every right to be pissed off. Finally, we reached the back of the line and waited patiently for the other kids to get on the bus.

"So how's Jack? He's back at school Monday, yeah?"

"Do you care, Dean, or are you just making conversation?"

"Hey, what happened to him was shit. I do care. What I don't care much for is you dumping your friends for your love life," he barked.

"I said I was sorry… and yeah, Jack's back at school on Monday, and he's almost over his ordeal."

"So what the setup with you two? Is he, like, staying at your parent's pub indefinitely?"

"Dean, move forward… Uh, I don't really know what's happening long-term, but for now, yeah, he's staying. My Mum says he can stay as long as he needs, and so does my Dad, surprisingly... that's another story to tell you, by the way… what happened with my Dad, I mean."

"Oh, God!"

"Yeah, oh god indeed… Dean, look, keep moving, will you? Otherwise, people are gonna push in," I said as he just stood there, too busy chatting to see the line had moved down.

We eventually got on the bus but had to stand. It was packed. Dean shoved one of Tommy's friend's when he muttered something under his breath about me. It was good to see that part of Dean hadn't changed. At least he was still willing to go the mile for me. I gave the kid a wry smile as if to remind him who I was friends with, which was met with a dirty look right back at me.

"Fuck off, Grissom, let the faggot fight his own battles!" came a rant from the kid, his pride obviously bruised.

"Sorry, do we know each other?" asked Dean, lunging forward at the stupid guy.

"Whatchu gonna do, punk, hit me?"

Dean answered the question in typical Dean style and landed a strike right on the kid's chin. He fell back into a group of his friends, who had suddenly gone quiet.

"If any more of you fuck faces wanna end up like your pal there, then bring it on! If not, then keep your fucking comments about my friend to yourself!" Dean snapped, flexing his muscles at them. Right then and there, I could have hugged him, not giving a shit what anyone thought, and I beamed a smile.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Joey, sweetheart, I'm so pleased to see you; come, come in." Dean's Mum gushed, pulling me inside and hugging me.

"Hey Sarah, good to see you too," I said, muffled by her bosom.

"Vince, Joey's here, isn't that nice… my Joey, still as handsome as ever, how is your brother?"

"Oh, he's not well right now; he might have a water infection, so my mum thinks."

"Been dipping his wick into unknown places, has he?" She asked before giggling.

"MUM!"

"Oops, sorry, me and my mouth… so how are your parents, Joey? Still busy running that pub?"

"Oh, you know, they're fine, same old, same old."

"Aww, well, come through, and I'll make you both a drink. I'm sure Vince would like to say hello... I said I'm sure you'd like to say hello to Joey, wouldn't you, Vince?" She called, leading us through to the kitchen. Vince was sitting at the table reading his paper, as usual. It felt like that was all he did when he wasn't out in the taxi, working.

"Hey Vince, not out on the circuit today?"

"Too many cabs out at the moment, Joey, not worth going out and sitting at some rank; I might as well be here."

I nodded before having a glass of coke shoved in my hand. "So how's that boyfriend of yours? Is he all healed up now?"

"Yeah, he's much better now, thanks Sarah, thanks for asking."

"Hmm, I bet you're both going at it like rabbits now, right?" I almost spat my coke out all over the floor as I felt heat charge into my cheeks. Dean looked just as mortified, and even Vince was looking over his newspaper with his jaw open.

"Mum, you… you…" Dean was lost for words. In fact, I think we all were.

"Erm, well…"

"Oh, Joey, ignore these two; they live in the past. I think it's great seeing two lovely handsome lads together. God, I remember how great sex was at your age…."

"Right, that's it, c'mon Joey, let's go upstairs before I die!"

"Uh, yeah, no worries," I said nervously, following him up the stairs to his room.

"She's certainly a free spirit, your mum, Dean," I remarked before bursting out laughing.

"She's a fucking liability; that's what she is," he replied, throwing himself on his bed. I closed the door and found a space on the end. "So I guess I should tell you, Shaun's funeral is Wednesday but I'm not allowed to go and so I am hearing no one is, it's just his parents?"

"What? That's fucking crazy, what about all the people who wanna say goodbye. What about you?!"

"His parents are in pieces and really not saying much. They just told me that I should not come as it's going to be a very private affair, and that no one is being invited," he said, surprised himself what he was actually saying.

"And I take it I'm still not going Then, I think that's obvious more now than at ant time?"

"If you're asking me if his Mum has changed her mind, then no, I'm sorry. I did put a good word in for you, you know, about how long you two were friends, but it just went over her head and she seemed to want to get off the topic anyway."

"So where is the service?"

"No one knows, she didn't tell me, I guess because no one was going."

Something felt very odd to me the more I asked about this. I tried to put it out of my mind and thought it better to break the silence I'd caused by thinking too much.

"She blames me. It's not something that's ever gonna change, Dean. But, bah, forget it, I'm not gonna make a big thing out of it, I'll just go along with what she wants. The last time I tried to do what I thought was right, I got a slap from my brother."

Dean chuckled. "Roman busted you… really?"

"Yeah, I think I push him a little too far."

"A little… man, Roman has the patience of a saint. You must have really ruffled his feathers."

"Hmm, well, I pushed him over, and he grazed all his back, plus a bunch of other stuff I said and did; I was being an ass."

"No, you don't say," he said, smirking.

"Hey, does the school know about Shaun's funeral? I heard they were supposed to be having a minute's silence on the day."

"I'm not sure. Shaun's parents have been like zombies since he died. I'm not sure telling the school has been top of their list."

"No, I guess not. Are you going to say anything?"

"Not my place. I don't wanna tread on his parents' shoes. But come to think of it, once all this is out of the way, I don't really have a reason to see them anymore; it's unfortunate, actually."

"Well, you know my feelings on them, which I won't repeat. But, I think, to be honest, the best thing they could do now is move away… try and get away from the bad memories of their house and the area."

"I did ask them about that, but again, they hadn't thought about it. The said it's taking a long time to release Shaun's body, apparently. So I think they're just concentrating on getting his funeral arranged before they do anything else. They really ain't telling me much and don't really want me around."

"Yeah, I guess so.... and that's pretty bad of them, it's me they hate!" Dean just shrugged.

"I'm happy you came over, Joey," Dean remarked, trying hard to hide his emotions.

"Aww, thanks Dean, I'm really glad I came over too. We have loads to catch up on."

"So start with your dad; what happened there?"

"Oh god, well…."

I went into the details about our strange breakfast at McDonald's and how he had gone all mushy over what Ryan had said about his life. I then told him about Ryan and how Joanne had been sacked. He was hanging on my every word, demonstrating that even someone like Dean loves a bit of gossip.

"There's something about him I just don't like," I said, pulling my knees up to my chin.

"Who, the Irish guy?"

"Yeah, he just looks fake and sounds fake. I can't put my finger on it, but he was all over Jack with his eyes like some letch, and it made me shiver."

"Are you sure this isn't just about the fact that he fancied Jack?" asked Dean, giving me one of those over the glasses looks.

"No, there's something else… I just don't trust him. But hey, my Mum thinks he's amazing, and my Dad thinks he's so hard done by."

"And you?"

I chuckled. "Me? I just think he's a prick!" Dean laughed and then took a healthy sip of his coke.

"You know, this is just like the old days, us sitting here. Except we're one down."

"Yeah, I know, it's pretty sad, but hey, I agree, it is like the old days, and I hope we have many more of these," I said and held my coke glass out for a clink.

We'd moved onto another subject, happily chatting away, when there was a knock at the door. Dean's Mum walked in and smiled.

"Joey, I just wanted to ask if you'd like to stay for dinner?"

"Oh nice, thanks, Mrs G, what's cooking?"

"Roast chicken and all the trimmings."

"Sign me up; I'm loving you more each day, Sarah!"

"Flattery, young man, will get you everywhere… anyway, it'll be about forty minutes, I'll leave you, boys, to it… and please try and cheer my son up, he's been miserable all week," she said, and left the room, closing the door behind her.

I looked at Dean as if wanting him to answer for his Mum's statement.

"I've been fine, just a little hacked off with life. It's okay though, I'm not about to slit my wrists."

"Not funny, Dean," I said, frowning. "So, what's up with life?"

"Duh… my best friend killed himself!"

"Mine too, but I get that you're more affected by it than I am, for obvious reasons."

"Let's not go into this Joey, you know I don't agree with how you feel about this, but it's not for me to tell you how to feel, I guess."

"Yeah, let's not ruin it. I'm having a nice time here. All I'll say is that I've grieved for him, but in my own way and privately. Now, I just want to move on because there's nothing I can do to change the fact that he's dead. If I don't move on, it'll drive me insane in the end."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it… so, how are you feeling about Jack returning to school on Monday?"

"Scared shitless, and more for him than me! Most of the assholes, who I know will taunt him, can't comprehend that he's just lost his mother. All they care about is showing off in front of their pals."

"How does he feel?"

"He doesn't say a lot about it, I think he knows how worried I am, but I do think he's mentally preparing for it, though, he must be."

"Well, we only have two more months, Joey, and then we're out of there."

"Yeah, and I never thought I'd say it, but I can't fucking wait. To think, I used to love school, but now all I see around me is poison. Have you thought about what you're gonna do?"

"When I leave?"

"Yeah."

"Depends on how well the exams go, but I think I'm gonna go to college. After that, I wanna do something in business."

"You wanna run your own business, or you wanna be a manager of someone else's?"

"Not sure, but it's a good course and quite wide-ranging. I doubt I'll go to Uni; I'm just not that bright."

"Rubbish, Toby plans to go to Uni, and all he does is skateboard and run. He's never been interested in anything academic, so if he can get in, then you can."

"We'll see; besides, I might end up with a good enough job after college, and I'd rather be earning some money sooner rather than later."

"Yeah, perhaps we could go on holiday together again when you're rich."

"You'll be rich before me, Joey."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dean and I continued to chat for a while, going from subject to subject, until Sarah came and knocked on the door to tell us dinner was ready. She was an excellent cook, managing to make any kind of meat just melt in the mouth. We all sat at the table and began tucking in, the conversation light and cheery.

"Olly seems like a decent guy," Dean remarked, putting a whole slice of chicken in his mouth.

"Yeah, he is. Parents are loaded as well, I think."

"What makes you say that?" Sarah asked.

"I went round his place the other day, the house is huge, and he's got this cupboard all to himself with all these treats in it, and his room… man, his room is awesome, he's got everything in it!"

"Money isn't everything, Joey," Vince said, chomping away.

"Oh, I know, I'm not envious or anything, just an observation."

"Olly is new at your school, yes?" Sarah asked.

"That's right, he just moved to the area. He seems to be settling in okay. He joins us for lunch as well now, right Dean?"

"Yeah, I like him. Nothing seems to bother him."

"Wish I could be like that," I said, thinking how highly strung I was compared to Orca.

"You have responsibilities, Joey, does this Olly?"

"Dunno, Sarah, I don't think he works, but then, he doesn't need to. He's an only child and has a mother that spoils him rotten. But he doesn't let it go to his head. I happen to think he's quite humble, actually."

"Seems it," Dean added.

Before long, I was polishing my plate with my last Yorkshire pudding before putting my knife and fork down.

"Sarah, that was amazing; thanks so much for letting me stay for dinner."

"You're always welcome here, Joey. It's a shame we don't see you more often," she said, and I could see Dean looking at me out of the corner of my eye.

"I'll try and get round more often; it's just been a…."

"Hectic time… Yeah, Joey, that's the excuse you always use," Dean finished for me.

"Well, it has; I'm not making it up."

"Well, hopefully, you'll be able to hang out more now things have settled down."

"You can bet on it."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was approaching eleven in the evening, and Dean I were still chatting. I'd had such a great night with him that I totally forgot about the time until my phone started ringing.

"Hold on, Dean, it's Jack," I said, sliding the screen to accept the call.

"Hey you, I know what you're gonna say. I'm sorry, I forgot about the time."

"No worries, I just thought I'd call to make sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I should have checked in. Has Mum said anything?"

"No, they're just locking up now, although Ryan has been asking where you were. I've spent some time down in the bar tonight. I was bored."

"Why does he wanna know where I am…? Oh, and I hope he's been keeping his greasy mitts off you."

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry, he's been behaving himself."

"Well, good… anyway, I'm gonna leave in a sec. I need to get the tube before the last train goes."

"Yeah, okay, come whenever you want, just as long as you're okay."

"Don't worry about me; nothing's gonna stop me from giving you some loving tonight," I said, causing Dean to roll his eyes, probably cringing. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Yeah, cool, love you, see you soon."

"Love you too, bye."

I hung up the phone and told Dean that I needed to get going. I forced him to give me a hug and then trotted downstairs to find Sarah and Vince. Sarah was in the lounge, watching some nondescript movie, while Vince, I was told, had gone out to work in his taxi. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and headed towards the front door, where Dean saw me off. Then, giving him a wave, I headed down the street and across the road to pick up the tube train, starting my journey for home.

As I reached the platform, a train was just coming into the station. Relieved that I wouldn't have to wait for ages, I waited for the doors to open and hopped on. It was pretty busy inside the carriage, as people were starting to make their way home from the various pubs and clubs. I looked around me, feeling like I was the only sober one there. I stood there, silently chuckling to myself as I heard the nonsense that comes out of people mouths, as it tends to do when people get drunk.

I noticed people start to look at me, and suddenly realised I was still in my school uniform. It probably looked strange to see someone like me out so late and still dressed for school, I mused, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. I'd learned really quickly from living at a pub that people can be pretty unpredictable when they've had a few drinks.

The train was soon pulling into my station, and I was happy to get off. The noise was horrendous, and the smell of late-night fast food permeated the carriage and my clothes; it was disgusting. As soon as the doors opened, I rushed off towards the barrier gates and tapped my card on the panel, making the flaps open. Reaching fresh air at the top of the stairs, I stopped for a second and took in a deep breath.

Thank God!

It was approaching midnight as I walked towards the pub. Traffic was light, and the whole road seemed quiet tonight, void of people. A fox ran across the street, probably taking advantage of how quiet it actually was.

As I got nearer to the pub, it looked in complete darkness. All the lights that lit up the various signage we had were off, and there didn't seem to be any lights on upstairs. It must have been another quiet Friday - as I'd have expected Mum and Dad to still be locking up at around this time, but it looked like they'd taken advantage of that quietness and gotten an early night for once. Jack must have been asleep as well because our bedroom was in total darkness too.

I stopped outside the main doors and unzipped my bag, looking for my keys, when a familiar voice startled me. "Hey, Joey, out late tonight?"

"Oh, shit, Ryan, you scared me! Yeah, I was at a friend's house. You were working tonight, I gather? What are you still doing here? The pub is deserted."

"Oh, uh… I left something in the kitchen by the side door. I thought I'd wait around for a while to see if you came back so I could grab it."

"Oh well, in that case, I'll open the side, then, follow me," I said, unlocking the side garden gate quietly, letting Ryan through. Then, shutting it back up again, I led on towards the side door that led to the pub kitchen and the apartment upstairs. As I was selecting the key, I felt Ryan's presence close behind me.

"Do you have to stand so close? You're freaking me out,"

"Ah, C'mon, you can't tell me you don't want me?"

"Excuse me? Where ever did you get that impression?"

"I've seen the way you look at me, and I waited around all this time for you. So you at least need to give me credit for commitment."

"I happen to be in a happy relationship if you hadn't noticed, and would you mind keeping your voice down? You'll wake everyone up."

Ryan began to run his fingers through my hair, the contact-making me flinch."

"Ryan, I'm really not into this, and you are just making yourself look desperate. Now, do you really have anything in the pub to collect, or do you just want to leave right now?"

Before he could answer, the side door suddenly opened, and Roman appeared.

"Joey, get in here," he said, pulling me inside by the arm, glaring at Ryan. "I've been watching you," he hissed at Ryan.

"And,"

"Get off our fucking property, and stay the fuck away from my brother. You don't work here anymore, got it?"

"Eh, I think you'll find this is your parents business; you have no jurisdiction here, wide boy."

"Roman, just leave it; he's not worth it," I said, holding my brother back.

"Well, for one night only, I'm calling the shots, and as I said, you don't work here anymore. So come back here, and I'll remove you myself, along with my father who trusts my judgement on punks… desperate, dirty little punks."

With that, Roman shut the door in his face, and I saw Ryan move away through the frosted glass.

"You okay?" he asked, putting his arm around me.

"I am now, thanks. He was creeping me out."

"I thought I would wait up for you, seeing as In I can't sleep with the pain I'm in…Jesus, it was hard to stand there and talk to him feeling like this."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Roman wandered into our bedroom as Jack and l lay cuddling in bed, quietly chatting.

"Knock it off, you two; I have news!"

"We're not doing anything, so what's the news?"

"I have kidney stones," Roman replied, almost proud.

"Kidney stones, what the fuck are Kidney stones?"

Roman shrugged. "I dunno, the doctor said it was like a build-up inside my kidney that forms like a crystal in it, most of it went over my head."

"Well, did he take it out?" I asked, my eyes darting all over Roman's body.

"Yeah, Joey, he just took a knife and slashed me open and pulled it out with a pair of pliers… of course, he didn't take it out stupid."

"Well, I don't know, do I?… so what happens now? I mean, you look better."

"Yeah, he gave me a pain killer injection which was awesome because the pain went just like that," Roman explained, clicking his fingers.

"Would you like me to examine you Roman," Jack teased, earning a slap on his leg from me.

"As it's you, Jack, Sure!"

"Hey, I am still in the room, you know," I barked, frowning.

"Oh, shush your jealous tongue," Jack said, putting a pillow over my head.

"So anyway, I have to drink shit loads of water for the next week and see if I feel any better."

"And if you don't," I asked.

"They have to cut me open and take it out, ain't that cool?"

"My God! And you think that's exciting?"

"Hey, it means everyone will have to wait on me; that's the cool part!" he declared.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, well, don't look at me. I'm far too busy looking after this one," I stated, nudging Jack.

"Hey, I'm fine, and I quite like the idea of looking after Roman, if you don't want to. I can give him a sponge bath and clean his…."

"YES, thank you!" I cried. Jack and Roman burst out laughing. "What is it with you two anyway? Are you having sex behind my back or something," I asked irrationally.

Jack's face went solemn, and he took my chin in his hand. "Well, actually, Joey, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm afraid he's got me pregnant… Roman, you're gonna be a dad!"

Jack started rolling around the bed in stitches while I was recovered from a mild heart attack thinking he was starting to tell me something profound.

"You fucking asshole, I thought you were gonna confess to something then," I said, slapping his ass hard, making him yelp. Roman had tears falling down his face he was laughing so much, and I felt like a jealous housewife!

"Joey, seriously, if anything was going on between us, do you think we'd be joking about it in front of you. You are pretty hot, though, Jack. I can see the attraction my brother has in you," Roman declared casually before walking out of our room. Jack and I just looked at each other in amazement.

"Did…did he just say…."

"Yeah, Jack, Roman just said you were hot… I dunno whether to be worried or surprised."

"Roman likes pussy, though, right?"

I sighed. "Lately, Jack, I dunno what's going on with him. I might be a little mixed up in areas, but at least I have chosen what gender I wanna be with… Roman… I just can't work him out."

"Have you spoke to him about this?"

"Many times, Jack, I never get an answer that's concrete."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, two sets actually, and I knew one was my Mum coming to tell me to get out of bed and get downstairs to work, as I was late starting.

"Roman, Joey… Jack, Family meeting, all of you in the kitchen, please!" She called loudly.

"Oh shit, what have we done?" Jack asked, looking at me nervously. I shrugged, not knowing what to tell him… because I didn't know. We quickly got dressed in some jeans and a t-shirt.

The three of us appeared in the kitchen where our parents were sitting at the table looking at us. "Sit down, boys. We have some important news that affects the whole family."

"Uh, I'll make myself scarce," Jack said, beginning to get up.

"Where do you think you're going, young man? As far as we are all concerned, you are as much part of this family as anyone else, so sit your ass down!"

Jack moved so fast back to the chair I thought he was gonna smash straight through it, and I found it quite cute he was shit scared of my mother… mind you, I think we all were.

"Okay, two pieces of news here, both very important. I want you to hear your father and me out first before you ask any questions about either of them, agreed?"

We all nodded, and Mum got up from the table, starting to walk around the back of my Dad, putting her hands on his shoulders.

"Now, I want to make one thing clear here! What we are about to tell you we have been discussing for a few weeks now but haven't told any of you yet because we had not come to a final decision, so this does not mean we have gone behind your backs, okay?"

"Mum, I'm sorry, but will you get to the point? You're making us nervous,"

"I'm sorry, Roman, this is just really big, okay?"

"Cool, we're listening," I said.

"Okay, your father and I have decided to sell the pub." She said, matter-of-fact. There was a flurry of noise, and the three of us started talking at once, to each other and to my Mum and Dad.

"Quiet! I said you can ask questions after. As I was saying, we have decided to sell the pub because we want to buy another business that we think will make more money."

"Another business…what sort of business?" I asked, not being able to help myself from asking.

"A nightclub, a big one," she replied, suddenly excited.

"A nightclub?" Roman repeated, raising a brow.

"What… what nightclub are you buying?" I asked, rolling through the few I knew in my head.

"Chariots!"

"NO WAY!" I squealed, my eyes lighting up, making my parents grin. "Fucking hell… sorry I mean, Wow… how can you afford that, the place is like massive, it's got three floors or something crazy like that."

"I thought you would approve," my Dad said, looking at my Mum.

"Sorry, but how have you got your hands on Chariots?" Asked Roman, a baffled look on his face.

"Sorry, I don't know this place, but I gather it's cool by the way you are acting?" Jack chimed in, looking a bit lost.

"Jack, Chariots is like the straight version of Heaven night club; it's huge," I said enthusiastically.

"Ah, I know heaven, yeah, that is big," Jack confirmed.

"So how have you afforded this," Roman asked, still waiting for an answer.

"Well, we are putting up four hundred thousand, and the rest we are borrowing as part of a business loan from the bank."

"I earn eighty-five pounds a week, and you have four hundred grand stashed away?" I asked, astounded.

Mum rolled her eyes. "Not this again," she muttered. "Joey, we have been trying to keep costs down, and now you know why. Why do you think I have been trying to hire people as cheap as I can?"

"But you said you had only been discussing this for a few weeks. You make it sound like this has been a long term plan."

"Joey, it's always been my dream to move onto bigger things, and your father agrees that this is that first step. We have built this pub up to its fullest potential; there is nothing more we can do, we've reached the limit on how much money we can make from it, and now we want to spread our wings a little more."

"Dad? You haven't said much," I commented, looking him in the eye. He just shrugged.

"What can I say, Joey, your mother is a good businesswoman, and I trust her with my money," He said, giggling. Mum gave him a slap.

"What do you mean your money… our money more like it! Okay, before you all start asking any more questions, I want to tell you about our second bit of news. Well, it's not news, actually. It's more of a commitment to someone special we want to make an offer to."

"Go on," Roman said, looking desperate for the whole story.

"Well, If it's okay with you, Jack, Andy and I would like to formally apply for adoption to bring you into the family completely."

Jack's jaw dropped open before he promptly burst into tears.

"Oh, Jack, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you; it was just…."

"I don't think he's upset, mum," Roman added softly. I pulled Jack into my arms, but he got up and had to leave the room.

"Is he okay?" My Dad asked.

"Just a bit overwhelmed, I think," I said, getting up to go find him. I found him sitting on the end of our bed, shaking. "Hey Babe, how do you feel about what's on the table then?" I asked, sitting down next to him.

"I'm sorry I walked out; I'm just so blown away they would do that," Was all he could say through the sobs.

"I take it those are not tears of sadness then?" I smirked. Jack looked up at me, his face flushed.

"I think… I think this is the happiest day of my life… I'm so happy. I can't stop crying. To think that your parents would want me as their own… no one has ever shown so much kindness to me."

"Yeah, they ain't bad, are they?" I said, trying to lighten the mood, draping my arm around him.

"You know Joey, not so long ago, when I was in the hospital, I imagined myself in a damp rundown room, the wallpaper peeling off, sitting in front of a portable TV eating one of those one-pound microwave dinners, and now I'm being asked if I can be adopted by your parents…I'm so lucky; I really don't know how to say how much I love you and thank everyone for loving me."

I felt a tear welling up in my eye, listening to him express himself. His words were like a portal into his past life and how utterly shit it had really been.

"You are loved, Jack, by everyone here, most of all me…although Roman is starting to compete with me on that front by the look of things," I said, chuckling. "So what are you gonna tell them?"

"Are you serious? I'm gonna say hell yeah!"

"That's ma boy!" I said, kissing his button nose. "C'mon, you better come back out and accept their offer in case they change their mind.

I led Jack out by the hand to the kitchen. It sounded like Roman had been grilling them when we walked back in as it all went quiet when we sat down.

"I'm sorry I cried like a girl; I was just so shocked… in a good way, I mean."

"It's an important decision Jack, we have made up our minds, but if you wanna think about…."

"No… no way, I accept, I wholeheartedly accept," He blurted, making us all laugh.

"Good, well, we will have a look at the legal side of things when we next see our solicitor about the nightclub,"

"So what time frame are we looking at here?" Roman asked.

"Well, we already have someone who comes in the pub eager to buy it, but he wants to give us fifty thousand less than what we are asking, so if we can convince him to up his offer, then we could be talking weeks, possibly two months."

"We've already put an offer in for Chariots which has been accepted. So it's just a case of selling the pub now to raise the rest of the capital."

"Sounds like you've had this all worked out for ages," Roman declared, uncharacteristically moody.

"Look, I know it looks like we have been going around behind your backs with this, but honestly, that's not been the case. We just didn't want to say anything until things were at an advanced stage. At the end of the day, this affects us all in a big way, and we didn't wanna start disturbing your lives until it was absolutely necessary."

Roman sighed. "Well, what about where we live? Where will that be?"

"above the club, of course, it's got ten times more space than here. So you'll each have massive bedrooms trust me. I can show you the brochures later if you want?"

"That'll be cool, be nice to see what this place looks like," I said, a little more optimistic than Roman.

"So Joey and Jack, you're probably wondering about how this affects your little jobs you have here right now, yes?"

"It had crossed my mind," I added first before Jack nodded.

"Well, for you, Joey, if you are not planning on going to college, then you are welcome to have a full-time job at the club. However, as the place is a lot bigger, there will be more work to do there. In terms of pay, I will agree to pay you the going rate for someone your age, but with that pay means you will need to turn up to work on time and do your full hours like I would expect any other member of staff."

"Can I think about it?"

"Sure, discuss it with Jack and let us know. Jack, have you decided on what you want to do when you leave school?"

"Not in-depth, but I would like to go to college as it was what I planned to do before I came here."

"Okay, well, look, why don't the two of you discuss it and let me and Andy know what you decided. I didn't dictate to my boys what they wanted to do when they left school, so I will give you the same freedom. However, I will tell you what I said to them: if you don't go to college, you will need to get a job, whether at the club or somewhere else. I don't want any of you to sit around bleeding the state dry. That's not how I expect any of you to behave. The same goes for you Roman, if the band does not earn you enough money, you need to look for another job to subsidise your income. There, I have said my two cents on the matter… any more questions?"

The three of us looked at each other before shaking our heads.

"Okay then, well, we still have a business to run, Joey. Go and get started in the cellar. I'll be down in a sec to start on this month's stock take. Andy, can you handle the kitchen today, and I'll have Christie run the bar until I'm done?"

"Sure, Honey,"

"Ryan should be in about twelve to relieve you anyway and…."

"Uh… well no, he won't, mum, I sort of sacked him last night," Roman said, pulling a face.

"You sacked him… you're funny, Roman."

"No, really, I did. The guy is a creep. First, he was being derogatory towards Joey last night and was waiting in the street for him to come home well after we closed, then he made up some story he left something here when he didn't, and If I hadn't have been there, I think something bad might of happened to him," Roman babbled on trying to get as much out as possible so my Mum wouldn't hit the roof.

"Well, since you are happy firing staff without telling me, you better get your apron on and help your father in the kitchen today, seeing as I now have no chef."

"Wow, you took that better than I thought," Roman remarked, scratching his head.

"Not really. I was gonna get rid of the asshole anyway. You're right; he is a slime ball, and anyone that hurts any of my boys has no place working for me. In addition, I found out from a local customer that he is from a family of travellers. So all that bullshit he told your father, and I was a lie." She said before smirking at him. "Right, let's go, people chop, chop!"

My Dad looked disappointed, and I remembered our chat out at Mackies and how impressed he was with Ryan, and it was all a lie!

Mum marched off out of the kitchen, leaving the four of us lads sitting at the table. "Has she been to boot camp or something, dad?" I asked, taken aback with my Mum's bossiness all of a sudden.

"Don't ask me, Joey, I just live here,"

"Yeah," I replied as he got up and walked out. "Well, I better get down to the cellar."

"Not on your own, you won't," Jack said. "I'm working with you today."

"You are not! You're still not well!"

"Joey, if I'm well enough to go back to school Monday, then I'm well enough to kick a few crates about. But, let me do something before I die of boredom!"

"Hey Jack, I'm taking my car in for a service later if you wanna come along for the ride?" Roman offered, looking at me as if to get permission.

"Don't look at me Roman, he's your boyfriend!" I teased before walking out and into our bedroom.

"Hey, wait up," Jack called, appearing moments later. "Do you mind if I go with Roman, it would be nice to get out and go somewhere?"

"Don't be silly. Of course, I don't; you do what you wanna do. I'll be busy all day anyway."

"Cool, thanks."

"Thanks… so now you're thanking me for letting you go out? Am I really that bad?"

"Yeah, but I love you like that. I like being dominated," He said, winking.

"Oh, shut up and give me a kiss." Jack came over to me, and I pulled him into me, pushing my hands into his jean pockets. We gently kissed, exploring each other's mouths, until I started to get a boner.

"Gotta run!"

"Yeah, thought you might," Jack said, grabbing my rigid member through my Jeans. "I'm having some of that later."

"Only If I give you permission, slave!"

"Yes, master, please master!"

"Uh, that's kinda creepy. I'll see you downstairs."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The day was moving fast, with Dad and I getting most of what needed to be done by midday. The cellar has been bleached and hosed out. All the empty barrels were stacked neatly awaiting collection, and I'd even managed to get five lines cleaned before we opened. This week's guest ale was made up and waiting to be tapped, and Dad had bottled all the shelves in the bar.

I wiped my forehead full of sweat with my sleeve and sat down on an empty crate, popping open a bottle of coke in the crate next to me. "Want one?" I asked Dad who was tightening a nut on one of the gas bottles.

"Sure, why not?"

"Joey?" called my Mum.

I walked over to the stairs. "Yeah?"

"A boy is here to see you, says his name is Olly?"