The Saturday Boy - 13. The Deception

The drive back to the pub was painful. I felt sick, angry and possibly mad… yeah, mad, like in a mental way. I was trying to process the emotions that my body had never felt before. I needed to be with Jack, but all I was doing was heading back to the pub. But to do what?

"Joe, everything will work out, yeah," Roman said, as the silence had obviously gone on too long for him.

"Work out Roman, who for, me or him?" Roman didn't answer my question, knowing that he really didn't have an answer that would make this any better. He pulled his car up across the street from the pub and parked. I got out in a zombie-like state without saying anything.

Wandering towards the pub doors, I felt a hand grab my shirt, a car almost clipping me as I crossed the street. "Fuck Joey, you almost got yourself killed," my brother hissed at me. I just looked up at him, wondering what all the fuss was about. He guided me across the road with his hand firmly on my shoulder, and we both walked into the pub.

"Mum, can you come upstairs, please?" Roman asked as he caught her eye across the bar. My Mum muttered something into Christie's ear, and she followed us upstairs to the apartment.

"Well, what happened? Is everything okay… is Jack okay?" she called from behind us as we walked into the lounge. I sat down and stared at her, our eyes staying locked until she sat down on the sofa opposite me.

"I'll go make us a strong cup of tea," Roman remarked, obviously thinking it was better if he stayed out of this.

"Well, Joey, are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on here?"

"Jack is in hospital after being beaten up by his Dad, and his mother is dead… he killed her," I said robotically, the numbness I now felt subduing any emotion I felt.

"What… what do you mean he killed her? Is this some kind of… oh my god, oh my god? Joey, where is Jack?"

"I just told you, he's at the hospital. He got beat up by the man you and Dad let drink in this pub until he was drunk enough to almost kill him as well."

My mother was speechless, and I wanted to scream at her for this. I felt like blood was on her and my father's hands. Time after time, I had asked that he be barred, but they never did because he was a good paying customer who spent a lot of money in our pub. It was sad… sad because, at the end of the day, a life had been taken by a man with a lousy temper what we made worse by allowing him to drink in our pub, just for a few extra pounds in the cash register.

"Joey, I don't condone what Mr Stanton has done, not one bit, and I am utterly shocked by what you have just told me, but if he didn't drink here, then he would have got it somewhere else. I know you're angry, but you can't lay the blame of this on anyone but old man Stanton."

"You shouldn't have served him," I screamed at her. "He was drunk out of his skull today, and you carried on serving him. When other people walk in here and are drunk, you refuse to serve them for exactly that, so why did you serve him? Why did you have to serve him," I spat, starting to cry

"Because he's been a drinker in this pub for twenty-six years, long before your father and I had the place and because I didn't know he was gonna go home and kill his wife and beat up his son. I'm sorry, Joey, I made a bad call. I didn't know, Okay… I didn't know," she shouted back at me.

My Mum started to cry, and I knew that I had made her feel responsible. I didn't want to upset her. I just wanted someone to blame. I got up and quickly went over and hugged her. She gripped me tightly, and once again, the floodgates opened, and we sobbed in each other's arms.

Roman came back in the room with the tea and sat down silently, letting us have our moment. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked, probably to both of us.

"Can I go see him, Mum; will you let Roman take me to see him?" I asked, wiping my wet cheeks with my sleeve looking at her.

She sighed. "I should speak to your father, I mean, the police might be there, and I really don't want you getting involved with that side of it, Joey. I think we need to stay out of this as much as possible."

"Mum, his mother is dead, and his Dad is an asshole. He has to go to jail for this. Who else is gonna be there for him? His other family are far away, and they all hate that he's gay, so they ain't going to give a shit. Who else does he have?"

"I understand what you're saying Joey, I'm fond of Jack too, but…."

"Mum, please! Please let me do this," I pleaded with her.

"Mum, I think you should let him go. But Joe, you need to tell Mum the reason why she needs to let you go for this all to make more sense."

"ROMAN!" I squealed.

"What do you mean the reason why?" asked our Mum, looking between Roman and me.

"Roman, shut up, I don't need this right now," I said, not actually believing what he had just said.

"Joey?" My Mum asked, a perplexed look on her face.

"Joey, just tell her." I shot Roman a look that would have killed him if eyes could. The three of us stood looking at each other in silence, no one wanting to reveal what each of us already probably knew.

"Joey, are you and this boy involved in something I should know about?" my Mum asked. It felt like a cryptic question. Either that or she really wasn't picking up the fucking obvious."

"Involved, in what way?" I asked, probably sounding defensive. But I wanted her to play this out, rather than me having to tell her.

"Involved, as in are you seeing each other?" she replied, her voice calm but stern. I pulled my hands up to my face and sighed.

"I don't know what we are, Mum, but yes, I have feelings for him, and he does for me," I said. "Are you happy now, Roman?" I added, glaring at him.

"Joey, it's cool, you know, you don't have to be afraid of this."

"Thanks for the pep talk, Bro. This was hardly the time to start discussing such a private and personal issue in front of Mum. It should have been my choice to do when I was ready."

"Excuse me, boys, but I am still in the room," my Mum cut in, folding her arms. "Joey, you and Roman can go to the hospital to see Jack. I need to get back downstairs now I have left Christie on her own."

"Thanks, Mum," I said, giving her a thoughtful glance, but equally surprised she didn't force the topic any further until…

"I had a lesbian affair when I was eighteen, but please don't say anything to your father," She casually remarked before heading back downstairs. Roman and I looked at each other, flabbergasted at the comment.

"Did she just say what I think she said?" I asked him, my jaw still on the floor.

"Uh… yeah, I think you heard it right."

"But why would she say…."

"I think the message you need to take from that admission Joey was her way of telling you she gets it and that you should give her more credit."

"Uh-huh," was all I could reply with, nodding.

"Wow, Mum with another woman, the world just gets stranger," Roman remarked to himself before shaking his head. "So C'mon, Bro let's go. By the way, do you even know where he is?"

"The ambulance they sent had a guy with a St Anne's logo on his bag, and that would be the closest one with an emergency department, so…."

"Okay, let's get out of here then. I know where St Anne's is. We left the pub via the side gate and quickly rushed over to Roman's car. It took ages to get there as the traffic was heavy and bad thoughts were starting to invade my mind.

"Someone up there fucking hates me", I hissed as we got stuck behind a bus doing ten miles per hour.

"Just calm down Joey, getting uptight is not gonna help you or Jack."

I just closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down with some deep breaths.

 

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"I don't think I can go in there, Roman."

"What do you mean, Joe? You've been on at me to take you, so here we are." Roman replied as we stood outside the main entrance to the hospital. I was shaking. I didn't even know if he was gonna be alive when we went in or what injuries he had. What if he was in a coma or worse? What if he died minutes ago?

"Okay, can I just have a minute," I asked, my breathing rapid and hands clammy. Roman pulled me into a tight hug and stroked my hair.

Roman had always been like that with me. Even though we used to fight like cats and dogs as most brothers do, he was always there for me when I needed him, springing up at the perfect time when there was some sort of crisis happening in my life. Today though, I don't think I have ever needed him so much, and his hugs, the ones he was never afraid of giving me, felt so reassuring.

Like me, he had always been in touch with his feelings and was never shy of showing emotion or support when family or friends needed it. Sure, he was and still can be a complete ass, but when you need Roman to be serious and thoughtful, that's precisely what you get.

I continued to bury my head into his warm chest and get myself together. At six foot four, he towered over me, which somehow made me feel even safer with him, but alas, it was time to face the music and go in.

"Ready to do this, Bro?" he asked, gently pushing me away.

"As much as I'll ever be, I guess." He winked at my reply, and we walked through the sliding doors and up to the main deck.

A middle-aged woman sat behind the square enclosure, and Roman let me move ahead of him to speak to her.

"Can I help you?" she asked, with one of those smiles that said I really don't want to be disturbed.

"Yeah, uh, I'm just wondering if I could see a friend of mine. His name is Jack Stanton."

"Hmm, Stanton. One moment, let me check for you."

"Thanks, " I said, turning to Roman, more for silent support than anything meaningful. He simply smiled at me, and I turned back to the woman.

"Yes, I have found him for you. He has been moved to a ward. If you wish, I will phone the staff nurse and find out if she will accept visiting."

"So does that mean he's okay…I mean, on award means he's not gonna die or anything?" I asked in a desperate tone.

"Well, young man, usually when someone is moved to a ward, it means things have improved, but I do not know your friend's condition, so I really wouldn't like to comment. However, the staff nurse may be able to tell you a little more."

"Thank you," I said, a wave of relief washing through my body.

The receptionist dialled a number and chatted away to someone on the other end before placing the phone down and turning to me. "You may go up, but visiting is restricted to half an hour. Mr Stanton has received a sedative and pain relief, and the nurse does not want him getting too excited."

"Okay, yes… a half hour, that's fine. So where is he?"

"He's on Churchill ward. Take the lift to the sixth floor and turn left. The entrance to the ward is right in front of you. Please register yourself at the desk when you enter, and please use the alcohol gel provided before you go in. It's attached to the wall outside the ward."

Roman and I headed over to a set of lifts on the far side of the large waiting area, and I called one to collect us. As we waited for the elevator to come, I went inside my head and started to think about what Jack would look like when I saw him. I was preparing for the worst as my mind flashed back to where I first saw him bloodied and bruised, slumped up against the wall. As the doors opened with the familiar bing-bong sound, I was pulled from my thoughts, and we stepped in.

I pressed the number on the panel, and the doors closed, taking us up. "Are you okay, squirt?"

"Yeah, Ro, just a bit nervous, that's all."

"I'm sure they have got him all nice and comfortable."

I forced a smile. "Yeah, I hope so."

The doors opened, and we stepped out into the corridor. I looked left and right. Right being the entrance to Queen Elizabeth ward, and as the woman stated, the left being Churchill ward. We both walked to the door and saw the gel she was talking about. I pumped out a generous amount onto my hands, the fumes making my eyes sting.

"Shit, this stuff is strong," I remarked.

"Yeah, I bet the germs don't like it either," Roman said, cracking a smile at me, squinting.

I took a deep breath, looked at my brother and pushed open the stiff door. I was expecting a desk with about a dozen or so beds in it, but it seemed every patient had their own separate room, which was nice. There was about four off to the right and six or so to the left, and what I assumed to be utility rooms scattered in between. I stepped a few paces forward and tentatively approached the woman sitting behind another desk tapping away on a computer.

"Hello…uh, I'm here to see Jack Stanton?"

"Ah yes, hello there, and what's your name, darling?"

"I'm Joey Cork, and this is my brother Roman."

"Thank you, and what's your relationship to Mr Stanton?"

"Well, um…he works at my parent's pub, and he's my friend."

"Okay, that's fine. Now I need to warn you Mr Stanton does have some cuts and bruises on his face that look worse than they are, so please do not be alarmed. In time these will heal, but I wanted to let you know as some visitors can be quite shocked when they first see someone with injuries such as Jack's."

"Yes, I have wondered what state he would be in, but I have prepared myself."

"Good. Now I need to ask you a couple of questions before I let you go in there."

"Okay."

"Are you aware of the situation surrounding him being here?"

"Yes, I was at his house after it had taken place."

"Okay, now please do not make reference to any of his family members or offer any information or opinions on what you saw. A police investigation is currently taking place, and it's crucial that Jack does not get confused. If he offers any information himself, then that's fine. You can listen and agree, but no answers should be offered back, okay?"

"Yes, Sister, thank you."

"Okay, if you follow me, young Jack is in the last room down the corridor. The lights have been dimmed for his comfort, so please do not adjust them."

"Of course…uh please, before we go in, can I ask…."

"Yes, of course," the nurse said, stopping.

"Can you tell me what injuries he suffered?"

"Yes, there was some blunt force trauma to his head causing a fractured skull. In addition, he has two broken ribs and a fractured arm. However, the cuts to his face are superficial and will heal, so there will be no lasting damage."

"Will he be okay…I mean, like normal again?"

"Oh yes, the body is a remarkable piece of Kit. Jack will make a full recovery, and there will be no lasting physical effects. There is some concussion, but thankfully there was no swelling or bleeding on his brain, so it's just a matter of waiting for his skull to heal and the other bones. Like you, Joey, he's young, and he'll heal up just fine." She said, finishing with a reassuring smile. I smiled back, for the first time actually feeling like it was natural.

We continued to head down the corridor until we reached his room. The blinds were closed, and the door was shut, making the anticipation of seeing him even more suspenseful. Finally, the nurse slowly opened the door and popped her head in.

"Jack, you have some visitors." I didn't hear his response, but it must have been okay because she pushed the door fully open and waved us in.

I peered inside and immediately and involuntarily let out a sob as my eyes settled on his face. "How could someone do this to you," I whispered before fully entering the room. Roman went and sat down in a chair opposite Jack's bed and stayed quiet. I just stood there like a fool, my eyes fixed on Jack's, his on mine. His face said it all, he knew, and he knew that I knew. His mother was dead, and I felt utterly gutted for him. A small tear departed his eye and slowly travelled down his cheek, leaving a trail where wet replaced dry.

I stepped forward and gently kissed his bandaged forehead before sitting down on a chair beside his bed.

"I tried to stop him, you know, I tried with everything I had, but he was too strong," Jack said, his voice husky, hoarse, and it was barely a whisper."

"I know you would have done, Jack, I know."

"I saw the look of fear in her eyes as he beat her. He was kicking her in the stomach, and I jumped on top of him trying to get him off her, but he threw me off and then started on me."

"You don't have to talk about this, Jack," I said, but he continued anyway.

"I was glad you know… that he was leaving her alone. He was…he was punching me in the head, and then I felt him kick me in the chest, then he punched my head again, and I felt a cracking sound and don't remember anymore. I failed Joey, I tried to save my Mum, and I failed."

"Hey, don't you say that you did everything you could, I'm sure of that."

"She had such a sweet face, my Mum, I can see it now; it's all I've thought about since I came round and they told me. She was so happy when he wasn't there, and now I'll never see her again, never feel her warm hugs, never…." He started to gently sob, unable to talk anymore. I gently rested my hand on his shoulder and looked over at Roman, seeing that his eyes were also wet.

"I…I'm an orphan Joey, I don't know what I'm going to do."

"That is something you don't need to worry about Jack, I'm gonna think of something. Have the police been to see you?"

"Yeah, they were here when I woke up; I told them everything just like I told you."

"Have they said what happens next?"

"Joey, remember what the Nurse said," Roman called over to me.

"Yeah, sorry."

"What did the nurse tell you?" Jack asked, painfully twisting his neck to look at me

"That I shouldn't ask you questions about stuff and just listen to you."

"Well, you haven't asked me anything, so there is no problem," he replied, trying to sit up a little.

"You need some help there?"

"No, it's fine, I just have to do it gently, My pain meds are wearing off, and I'm not allowed anymore for a while. It just hurts a bit, that's all. In answer to your question, I don't know what happens next. I just keep thinking about my Mum and what's gonna happen to her. Do you think they are looking after her?"

I looked at Roman. How was I supposed to answer that question? I didn't know what happened to people when they died. I had watched Six Feet Under and CSI, but that was TV. I didn't know if she was wrapped up in a blanket or on a cold slab in some lab being cut open. Roman got up and stepped towards the end of Jack's bed.

"Hey man, I don't know much about what you're asking, but I'm sure your Mum is being treated with the respect she deserves.

"I hope so. She needs someone around here now to look after her. I can't bear the thought she's alone somewhere."

"I'm sure she's not Jack. I'm sure she's not."

"There is a memory I have, Joey. My Dad had not paid the gas bill... drunk it all instead. So we were sitting in the lounge cold. Just Mum and me. I was about seven, I think. She cuddled me so tight to keep me warm. Then she just looked down and said, I love you, Jack. I remember looking up at her and saying, I love you, mummy. We were so cold, but her tight cuddle and little songs she mumbled for me made me feel warm inside. We just sat together for ages. Such an innocent, sweet, loving face."

"That's a lovely memory, Jack, But at the same time, don't torcher yourself," I said, putting his fingers in my hand."

"Yeah, and that's all I keep playing over and over in my mind."

"It's a good image to hang onto."

"Sorry, I'm so rude. You must be Roman…you look like him, you know."

"Hey guy, you have nothing to be sorry for. Who I am is the last thing I expect to be on your mind. But nice to meet you, Jack. I'm really sorry about what you've gone through, and just to you know, if you and my brother get together, I really hope it works out, and you can one day be happy again."

"Get together?" Jack asked, a confused look on his face.

"Forget it, Jack. It's not important," I said, glaring at Roman. Him and his fucking big mouth! "But he is right. One day you will be happy again, and you will not have to put up with your Dad ever again."

I heard the door open, and the nurse came in and told us it was time we had to leave. I really wanted to stay and comfort Jack, I wanted to have that feeling back again what we had in the tent, but we were both worlds away from that. So I got up and gently placed my hand on his head, and winked at him.

"I'm gonna see if I can get out of school, and then I'm gonna come see you as soon as I'm allowed."

"No, Joey, go to school, don't start missing stuff because of me."

"I can't Jack, I wanna be here with you, and someone has to be."

"Just don't get into trouble, okay?" I didn't answer him and just winked instead.

"C'mon Joey, you heard the nurse, let's leave Jack in peace and quiet," my brother said, pulling at my arm.

 

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We stepped out of the lift and headed out of the hospital back to Roman's car. He climbed in and opened the door for me so I could get in. Strangely he sat there without starting the engine, his hands on his lap.

"Well, are we going?"

"Nope."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because you need to understand what you are thinking is not gonna happen, and I would rather you talk to me about it rather than shout at Mum again when she says no."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ro."

"I think you do, Joe, and I think you are way in over your head if you think this can work out."

I sighed. "Roman, when he leaves that hospital, he is homeless. If…when his Dad goes to prison the state is gonna take that house and move new people in, he won't have anywhere to go."

"Joey, look, don't take this the wrong way, but Jack is not our responsibility, certainly not Mum and Dad's." Roman sighed. "Look, I dunno how this works, but I'm sure he will have accommodation supplied for him from the state if he's homeless."

"Roman, I'm not gonna see him discharged from the hospital trying to get well in some drug-infested hostel."

"All I'm saying is if you do ask Mum and Dad and they say no, I don't want you shouting and screaming at them, it's not their fault this has happened to Jack, and you know that deep down."

"I gotta try Ro, I gotta try and help him. It breaks me to think of what sort of life he has ahead of him. His mother is dead, and his father is a murderer. How can Mum and Dad turn away a homeless and parentless person."

"As I said, I'm not being cold here, but I think they will think what I am… that it's not their responsibility. Look at it this way, he needs to be fed, clothed, not to mentioned there is the problem of where to put him."

"My room, of course, and with the other issues you raise, he does work there already so that can go towards his board and lodgings."

"Jesus, you already have this all worked out, don't you?"

"As it happens, no, all this is coming to me while we talk. Your right. I probably don't have all the facts, and no, I don't know how much it costs to keep someone our age, but what would you do, Roman? What would you do if you really liked someone and they needed your help? Wouldn't you go to Mum and Dad and ask them for help?"

"That's not a fair argument."

"Why not?"

"Because I've never been in that situation, so I can't answer it. Joey, I'm not trying to go against you on this. In fact, I'm trying to help you by giving you a neutral opinion."

"He called me on the phone, Roman…while all this was going on at his house, of all the people he could have contacted, he called me, why?"

"I don't know, but the police would have been a better option given what was going on there."

"I think he thought he could handle it like he always has, but when it got bad, I think he called me because I was all he had to call. Don't you think that's sad?"

"Yeah, Joey, I do."

"So, will you help me?"

"Help you. What can I do?"

"Help me convince Mum and Dad to let him come stay with us, at least until he gets himself sorted."

"Oh Joey, you know how these things work, someone comes and stays for a couple of weeks and then months, and before you know where you are, three years have gone by."

"I thought you said you weren't trying to go against me on this," I said, huffing.

"I'm not Joe, but I just don't think you are thinking clearly right now."

"Oh, so now I'm not thinking clearly, first you were saying I hadn't thought it through enough."

"Okay, I'll help you, just don't expect this to go the way you're hoping. That's all I'm gonna say."

"Fine, just back me up on my reasons; that's all I ask."

"Okay, we better get back. I'm sure the rents are already worrying."

"Yeah, probably about a barrel that needs changing, knowing Mum."

Roman just rolled his eyes and started the car. I knew he was right, it was going to be an uphill struggle to get Mum and Dad to agree to what I was gonna ask of them, but I had to try. Next would be telling Shaun and Dean the latest, and I knew there would be a million questions there.

Jesus, What a mess!

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I was helping Mum and Dad clear up the last few glasses from the tables. The pub had been shut for around twenty minutes, and it had been a busy night. Roman had gone upstairs to do whatever. I knew that he would never stay down and help us clear up.

"So how is Jack, Joey? I'm sorry I never got a chance to ask you. We have been so busy tonight," my Dad asked as our paths met.

"Not too good, he knows his Mum is dead, and he has nowhere to live once his Dad goes down for this."

"Poor guy, I feel so sorry for him Joey, I wish there was something we could do."

"Well, actually, Dad, I was gonna…."

"Honey, can you put the washer on please the tray is full", my Dad called to my Mum, pretty much ignoring what I was about to ask. I sighed and walked away from him, deflated. Then, feeling that I had done all I could down in the bar, I wandered upstairs and slumped in one of the sofas.

"What's up with you, squirt?" My brother asked, walking into the lounge with a bottle of beer.

"What's up? Is that like a serious question or what?" I snapped

"Whoops, sorry, didn't mean to touch a nerve."

"No, I'm sorry too, it's just, I tried to talk to Dad about Jack, and he just ignored me and started talking to Mum."

"I doubt he ignored you, Joey. It's just been a busy night, that's all."

"Yeah, well, it felt like it."

"Look, why don't you wait until everything is done down there and ask them when they come up. There is no point trying to talk about Jack when they are in the middle of trying to get the place cleared up, is there."

"I guess your right, Roman. I just don't like all this sitting around doing nothing while he's lying there wondering what's gonna happen to him."

"Just be patient. Getting in a state over it is not gonna help your case. All that will happen is when you do go to talk to them, what you wanna say is all gonna come out wrong, and Mum and Dad are just gonna think you are acting on impulse."

"In a way, I am Roman."

"Hmm, well, I've given you my advice; it's up to you if you wanna take it or not."

"What advice is that then?" my Mum said, coming to join us in the lounge, followed by my Dad. "Man alive, what a night."

"Uh Mum, well, erm…."

"Spit it out Joey, It's been a long night, and I want to go to bed."

"Well, go to bed then; why don't you all go to fucking bed and not worry about anything else because as long as the pub doors open every fucking day and people spend money and get drunk, then nothing else matters in the world. So let em' in, let them all fucking in, and they can get smashed and beat up their families, and I'll keep changing the barrels and doing all the other fucking shit around here when the person I'm falling in love with is lying in a hospital bed with nowhere to live when he comes out."

"Erm, I'm… I'm gonna head off to bed," Roman said sheepishly while my Mum and Dad just looked at me with shocked expressions on their faces.

"Honey, are you okay?" My Mum asked me, her tone soft and wary.

"Not really," I replied, tearing up.

"Son, did you just say that you were falling in love with… with erm…"

"Andy, not now," My Mum said to him, no doubt giving him a glare. Yeah, I had just outed myself to my Dad in pure frustration, but I didn't care. I was so annoyed, so helpless, so… tired!

"I'm going to bed. I'm sorry I swore," I said rather emotionlessly.

"Joey, wait."

"I'm sorry, Mum, I just need to sleep."

"Okay, well, we'll talk in the morning then. I'll bring you in a cup of tea."

"Thanks, good night."

I left the lounge with my parents still occupying it. I was sure that there would be a brief conversation about my outburst before they went to bed, and I just hoped that my Mum would explain to my Dad what the meaning of what I had said was, rather than having one of those awkward conversations with him.

I closed my door and crashed onto my bed, still fully clothed, only just managing to toe my sneakers off before pulling the covers over me. I felt like crying but managed to hold it in, wondering what the point would have been. Even crying felt like an effort, and I didn't care much for something that was just going to make me think about Jack more than I was.

 

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"Knock knock, can I come in?" The voice of my Mum sounded through my closed door.

"Yeah, hey Mum, come in." The door slowly opened, and she gave me a thoughtful look before entering my room and closing the door behind her.

"Joey, have you ever been to sleep? You look terrible."

"I got an hour, I think. After that, I was just lying here thinking about…."

"Jack, yeah, I know, honey, look, I'm sorry I didn't give you time to say what you wanted to last night, I was just so tired, and it had been a busy night."

"Yeah, I know, maybe I was being a bit selfish too, I just wanted someone to listen to me, and I didn't think about anyone else at the time."

"Are you going to school? I'm not going to get on your case if you want to stay home today after what's happened with Jack and the lack of sleep you've had."

"If you don't mind, then I won't; I really wanted to see Jack today, seeing as I have been and probably will be his only visitor until he gets out of there."

"You can go see him on one condition, and that is you try and get a few hours' sleep before you go. I don't want you getting ill over this, Joey."

"Thanks, Mum, I'll try my best. So what's Roman up to today?"

"I'm not sure; do you need him to take you to the hospital?"

"If he didn't mind, yeah."

My Mum cupped my head in her hand. "Look, I have to go down to the wholesalers later on today, so if you like, I'll take you there. In the meantime, what did you want to discuss last night?"

"Do you want me to just say it, or shall I beat around the bush like I feel like I should do, to explain it better?"

"Just say it. At least I'll understand straight away rather than having to think this early in the morning," She said with a slight grin.

I took in a deep breath and got ready to give her my request for the year. I was nervous, the thought of her saying no too much to think about, but here goes.

"Mum, when Jack gets out of the hospital, he will be homeless, and I would be really grateful if you and Dad would let him stay here for a while until he gets himself sorted. Then, he can work for his keep, and he is welcome to stay in my room with me. I think that's how I planned to say it."

The silence that ensued was choking, and a feeling of dread came over me as I saw my Mum's expression change to one of deep thought. I wanted to push her to answer but knew that would be a wrong move, so I just sat there looking at her. There were instances where she was about to reply but then changed her mind and continued in thought until finally, she spoke.

"There are conditions, Joey," my Mum uttered, still half thinking.

"Name them, anything, just please don't say no."

"If he's here, I still want you at school every day, even if he's not. I don't want you involved in the police investigation, Joey either, we need to stay out of this, and finally, if he's staying in your room, you need to be honest with me about what direction your relationship with him is going, because I'm not sure I like the idea of you both sharing if… well you know."

"Oh my god, Mum, thank you so much." I leapt out of bed and slung my arms around her, and kissed her cheek like a hundred times. She chuckled and pushed me away before adding that she still needed to clear it with my Dad. I knew that was gonna be okay because my Mum was the boss in their relationship, so it should be a green light. To say I was ecstatic was a gross understatement. I was so excited I could have pissed my pants there and then but decided it would be better to use the toilet instead.

I got back to my room to find my Mum gone and my notepad on my bed with the words DON'T LET ME DOWN scribbled on it by her. I made a mental note to ensure that would not happen. I rushed out of my room and into Roman's, who was still fast asleep and jumped on his bed, causing him to sit up in shock.

"What… what is it, are you okay?"

"You never guess what?" I said, beaming a smile from ear to ear.

"Mum said yes, perhaps?" He said sleepily.

"Yeah, Ro, she said yes. I can't believe it; she actually said yes. Oh my god, Jack is gonna be so happy."

"Great news Joey, now get out of my room so I can go back to sleep."

I did as he asked and skipped out of his room like some kid that had just won a lifetime supply of chocolate, making a detour to the bathroom again, this time to take a shower. I locked the door and stripped off last night's clothes, and turned on the water. I hummed to myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth, killing time while the water warmed up.

Spitting the contents of my mouth out in the sink, I stepped into the cubicle and used the shower water to rinse my mouth, then went to work on cleaning my body. As usual, I soaped up my pits and groin area, bringing little Joey to attention, which generally happened when I touched myself. Then, not wanting to waste a good boner, I worked my cock to a climax and spaffed a load of jizz up the tiles, watching as it washed away down the plughole. Sometimes it was nice when a wank didn't take long. Some wanks were for just for relief or to flush the tubes, while others were reserved for people like Jack, I thought.

I finished washing up and stepped out of the shower to dry myself, vigorously rubbing the towel through my hair, creating quite a cool style all on its own. My hair had started to get long, and it was pretty unusual for me to leave this long before cutting, to be honest, but Jack had made an off the cuff remark that it looked cute, so that might have something to do with the reason why I had not frequented the Barber as of yet.

My Mum had wanted me to get some sleep before seeing Jack, but I was buzzing. I was in such a lively and happy mood that there was no way I would be able to sleep with all these good feelings running through my head. So I decided to just lie on my bed and put the TV on, hoping that it would take my mind off Jack and make me a little sleepy. After all, I had literally only got an hour's sleep before my Mum came into talk to me, and I knew that if I didn't sleep soon, I was going to pay the price later on when I would be needed to do my usual after school chores in the cellar.

"So I guess this means that I'm gonna have to listen to you two fucking like rabbits when he gets better then?" Roman asked, appearing in my doorway.

"Roman, you are so crass sometimes, you know that?" I replied, putting a disgusted look on my face.

"So, how did she react when you asked her?"

"It was painful Ro, she sat there in silence for at least two minutes before telling me it would be okay."

"Well, I'm pleased for you. It looks like you got what you needed to hear. You look much happier this morning."

"I am mate, It's been a hellish night, and I didn't know what I was gonna do if she had said no."

"Joey, I don't think she really could have, seeing as she feels responsible in a small way for what happened."

"Really, why would she think that?"

"Well, your little speech the other day didn't help, especially the bit where you said blood was on her hands and all."

"Shit, yeah, I remember. I shouldn't have said that should I?"

"Not really, Joey, it was kinda cruel, but look at it this way, your emotional blackmail may have just got you the decision about Jack you needed, so it's not all bad, hey?" he said, a sly grin forming quickly on his face.

"So, when they release him, do you think it would be okay if you came and help me collect him?"

"You mean, you help me collect him since I'm the one with the car?"

"Whatever, so will you do it?"

"Well, since you are in such a good mood, and I hate it when you're not, then yeah, okay, I'll do it."

"Thanks, Ro, This really means a lot to me."

"Yeah, I know. Oh hey, I've been meaning to ask since I got back. How are Hinge and Bracket? You haven't mentioned them. They doing okay?"

"Shaun and Dean? Haha, yeah, they are fine. Shaun is gay, you know? Came out on our camping trip. I think since I sorta went that way, he found the confidence to do it too. I know it's crazy. Well, Dean is spitting feathers about his two best mates. But yeah. The headline this morning is Shaun is gay!"

"Get the fuck out of here, Joey!"

"It's true, and yeah, I was a bit surprised, but it's all come out nonetheless."

"Fuck me, Joey; I never had him down for liking dick."

"Roman Cork, watch the words you are using in this house, please." Mum said, walking past my bedroom. Roman dipped his head as if he was about to get slapped.

"Sorry, Mum," he called to her before turning back to face me, now speaking in a quieter tone. "So have you and him…."

"No way, he's my friend. That kinda makes it a little too weird."

"So how did you find out, or rather what made him out himself?"

"He was after Jack, I think, and I was getting suspicious."

"Hmm, that could have been a good three-way, had you let it be."

"Roman! Jeez, you really like all this don't you."

"I find it… fascinating," he said, with extra emphasis on the last word.

"I'm sure you do, so how are things in your love life?"

"What love life," he said with a tinge of sadness in his voice.

"What, no girl in your life?"

"If I had, she would be here, and no, after Donna shit on me, I'm going solo for a while. Girls can be such bitches sometimes."

"Well, you could always come over to the dark side of things that are that bad."

"Yeah, well, when I get that desperate, I'll come to see you for tips, but until then, I'll stick to pussy." We both laughed and hugged; god, I loved my brother's hugs!

 

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I had managed to get a couple of hours sleep after Roman left my room, and it could have possibly been longer if my cell had not woken me up. I looked at the screen and saw it was Shaun. It was just gone twelve, so I assumed he was at lunch wondering where I was.

"Hey Shaun, yeah, I'm not in school, as you may have guessed."

"Hi Joey, yeah, I was starting to wonder where you were today. Dean said he hadn't seen you either, so I'm guessing you're sick again?"

"No, not exactly, Shaun, it's kind of a long story. But, listen, why don't you come by the pub on your way home? There are some things I need to tell you; bring Dean if he can make it too."

"Is everything okay?"

"I think so, but I would rather talk to you both in person."

"Is it about Jack and the whole murder thing?"

"Yeah, how did you know?

"It's on the news. The school made an announcement today but obviously didn't say the full story, just said Jack would be off for a while."

"Yeah, he's in hospital," I said.

"Really, oh, I didn't know, anyway gotta go."

Shaun agreed to come over and said he would collect Dean if he could make it too. But there was something not quite sitting right with my call to Shaun. He seemed eager to get off the phone when I mentioned Jack was in the hospital, but then again, Shaun had been acting weird for a while now, so I just put it to the back of my mind.

I was planning to go over to the hospital with my Mum when she was ready to leave for the wholesalers, and I knew I would need to be back for about three-thirty to meet Shaun and Dean. This prompted me to go and see what time she would be leaving as I really wanted to spend at least two hours with Jack before leaving him again.

 

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My Mum was in the pub kitchen making a list of all the things we needed when I walked in. "Hey Mum, what time are you thinking of leaving today?"

"Desperate to see Jack are we?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Yes," She said, grinning. "I just need to finish this list, and then I'll run you over to the hospital. Do you need me to pick you up on the way back?"

"How long do you think you will be?"

"About an hour and a half."

"Hmm, let me see how the visit goes. I was planning to stay for two hours. Shaun and Dean are coming over here to see me before I start work in the cellar, if that's okay?"

"Sure, honey, just make sure you are up straight with all your jobs at some point tonight."

"Don't worry, I will be. I take it the beer order has come in?"

"Yes, your father has dealt with it, and all the empties have been taken away. You will need to roll the new ones in as well tonight; I don't want them in the warm too long."

"No problem. So can we go now, can we?"

"Yes, just hold one a minute. I'm almost done. Look, you haven't even got any shoes on, so how can you be ready to leave." I looked down at my feet. The anticipation of seeing Jack was making me lose my most basic faculties. I ran upstairs and pulled on my sneakers, and was back downstairs before my mother had even noticed I had gone, I suspected.

"Okay, I'm ready, ready when you are, to go, to go now, like immediately." I squealed like a desperate weirdo

"Jesus, you have it bad," my mother muttered to herself more than me as she completed her list. But what the fuck? She was right. I did have it bad.

"Right, all done," she blurted, and we both left the kitchen.

The drive over to the hospital was a nervous one for me. I hoped Jack was still okay and able to talk. I wanted so bad to give him the good news about living with us, and I was suddenly afraid he would be pumped up on pain meds and sedatives to the point where he was not with enough to speak or think.

"Will you please stop jogging your knee up and down? It's driving me up the bloody wall," Mum yelled at me.

"Sorry, I'm just a little nervous."

"Yes, and your nervousness is making me feel sick. Honestly, it's like being on a boat in here."

"Did you manage to speak to Dad?" I asked, changing the subject.

"About what?" she asked, appearing confused.

"About Jack staying here," I said, perplexed she may have forgotten.

"Oh right yeah, it's fine." She said nonchalantly.

"Did you ask him or tell him?" I asked, suspicious.

"Oh Joey, I told him, of course, it's better not to let your father try and make a decision. Believe me, it can be quite dangerous, you know."

"Well, that's a relief, so what did he say?"

"He said that as long as it didn't interfere with your school or your work here, then he was fine with it. We also talked a little about your admission last night, and I have explained to him that you have feelings for Jack and that if he needs to talk to me about it, I'll be there to listen. He seems fine with it, though. He might not understand it, but it hasn't freaked him out."

"Hmm, well, that's good. But how come you are so cool with it all, it's like I have told you I have a wisdom tooth growing rather than I was gay."

"Pfft, like I didn't see that one coming, Joey. I'm just surprised it took you so long to tell me."

"You… you mean you knew?" I asked, gobsmacked.

"Joey, a mother always knows. I might look like I'm not really involved in your life, but believe me, I am, and I always make time to ensure you are okay, even if I don't look like I am."

"Fuck… Sorry, I mean, how long…how long have you known?"

"Oh, I don't know Joey, what a silly question. I just had a feeling, that's all. The lack of girls, the little things you would say, the TV programmes you would watch. Oh, and the porn I found on your Dad's laptop two weeks ago sort of put the final piece of the puzzle into place, I guess."

"Shit, I thought I erased that."

"Well, you should have. I was about to go and ask your Dad if he was seeing another man before thinking it might have something to do with you."

"It could have been Roman."

"Roman hasn't been here, and anyway, you've admitted it now, so don't try and pass it off as not being you." She said, giving me an over the glasses look.

"Well, you got me there."

"And Joey, just so you know, I don't care, okay, it's fine. You like whoever makes you happy. I just worry about you and Jack, that's all, you are both so young, and…."

"He's good for me Mum, I dunno if you understand that, but he's like the missing link in my life."

"How so?"

"I dunno how to explain it to you. It's like for a while now, I have always felt like something was missing. Perhaps that I wasn't complete in some way. It was like I was constantly yearning for some sort of object that might not have existed, that sort of feeling."

"I think I understand."

"Yeah, well, since I have found Jack, or rather now I have found how I feel about him, that feeling has gone away. Maybe I've been this way forever but never knew what it was… I was."

"You mean gay?"

"I guess. I always thought I liked girls. I mean, I did, do maybe, but I have never been mad over them, not like Dean, or Roman for instance."

Before I knew where we were, my Mum pulled into the hospital grounds and brought the car to a stop in a space she found. "Now remember, call me if you need picking up, or you'll need to get the tube home. Like I said, I'll be around an hour and a half."

"Thanks, Mum," I replied, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek. Then, I got out of the car and waited until she pulled onto the road before making my way into the main entrance. Walking up to the main desk, I was greeted by a young woman who asked if she could help me.

"Is Jack Stanton still on the same ward? I asked," not wanting to go on some wild goose chase looking for him, should he have been moved?

"Just let me check for you, young man," she said, beginning to tap away on her computer. "I have a Jack Stanton on Churchill ward."

"Yes, that's him, thank you."

"Do you know the way?"

"Yes, I do. Thank you for your help." I said, leaving the desk and heading towards the lift. I began to tremble, my stomach in knots thinking about seeing him again. What he had been through just seemed to amplify my feelings towards him. I wanted to nurse him, to take care of him, and to see that his life got better after years of abuse at the hands of his evil, poisonous father. I was gonna make damn sure no one ever hurt him again.

I stepped out of the lift and went through the process of putting that disgusting gin smelling substance on my hands before walking through the ward doors. I made my way to the small desk to find a young male nurse sitting at the computer.

"Can I help you?" He said, smiling up at me.

"Yes, I'm here to visit Jack Stanton?"

"No problem, if you could wait a few minutes, the consultant is with him at the moment going over a few things, you can take a seat over there, and I'll let you know when you can go in," He said, pointing to a row of four chairs opposite his desk. I went and sat down, clasping my hands together, trying to rid some of the anxiousness from my body. My shirt was sticking to my back as I had begun to perspire. It always happened when I got nervous, and I was worried I would start getting sweat patches if it carried on, and we all know sweat patches are hardly attractive.

Sitting with my eyes closed, I tried to do some long breathing exercises as I had seen on some TV program. Breath in for ten seconds, hold for five seconds, breath out for ten seconds, hold for five seconds. I played out in my mind. I'm not sure if it helped, but at least it passed the time as I was taken from my thoughts to the voice of the young guy telling me I could now go and see Jack.

"Mr Stanton is in the last room on the left. Please go down when you are ready," he said with a smile. I pretty much leapt off the chair and hurriedly made my way towards his room before stopping short and almost having a panic attack. Shit, what do I say first? Do I let him talk? Do I just tell him about what happens when he gets out of here? Will, he wanna see me? Question after question raced through my battered brain. Finally, I wiped my clammy hands down my jeans and pressed down on the handle of the thick teak veneered door. It creaked quietly, and I wandered inside.

Jack had been facing away from me up until the point where I opened the door, but he immediately turned his head to face me and our eyes locked.

"Hey Champ, said I would come back, didn't I?"

"Joey, what are you doing here, you should be in school, and I thought you were coming later?"

For a second, I looked at him, slightly confused, Later? When did I say that? I thought

"What are you, my Dad?" I said instead, trying to lighten the mood.

"No, but you really shouldn't be making such a fuss over me. You have your own life to lead."

I don't know why but that comment hurt and hurt bad. I tried not to let it show on my face, but I would say he was trying to reject me if I didn't know better.

"Jack, I'm here for you," I said, sounding rather pathetic.

"To do what?"

"Just to… I dunno, I thought you might need someone, I thought you might need me?"

"You're a good friend Joey, and thanks for coming to see me. I'm sorry. I think it's the drugs they have me on."

"Friend? Is that what we are, friends?"

"Of course, Joey, what else would we be?"

"Well, I… I dunno, but?" Jack was just looking at me, waiting for me to finish. What the fucking hell planet was he on? I felt embarrassed all of a sudden. It was like I was talking to a different person.

"Joey, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine, " I replied softly. "Uh, do you need anything before I go?"

"Before you go?… Joey, you just got here."

"I know, but I feel kind of stupid, and I don't think we're on the same page here. I feel like a fool, and maybe it would be better if I just went and left you to it."

"Joey, what have I said? You were fine when you walked in. What's happened? Please sit down and talk to me."

I went and sat in the chair by his bed and looked at my lap before lifting my head to look at him. He was staring into my eyes expectantly, probably wondering if I have just lost my mind.

"Have you not thought about us?"

"Us?" he said, wearing a confused look.

I got up again, frustrated, and went over to the window. "Yeah, us, Jack," I snapped, staring out of it.

"But you don't want there to be an us, Joey."

"What?"

"Well, I thought you may have done last night, but then Shaun came and…."

"Sorry, Shaun, what's Shaun got to do with this?"

"Well, he said you would be coming in later. Apparently, you had told him that it would be better in light of what happened that we didn't go any further and just remain friends. Anyway, it was something like that. My mind is still a bit fuzzy, but I do get it, and I won't push the matter."

"Push the matter. What the fuck is going on? Shaun was at school today. He called me from school on his lunch. He doesn't even know that you're here."

"Joey, I may have taken a hit to the head, but I assure you Shaun was here today. It was around twelveish, I know because that's when I get my pain med top-up."

"Sorry, take me through this again. I'm not getting it."

"Shaun came up here and said the school had made an announcement that I would not be attending for a while due to a family bereavement. But he said that most people knew what had happened because it was on the local news. You know, about my Dad and shit? He then said that he would see if I could come and stay with him until I could get a place of my own from the state. He said that you would probably be coming in later to see me, but you had told him that we could never be anything more than friends because of what had happened and that it was too complicated for you. As I said, I may have got a few things confused, but that was the gist of it."

"Jack, I haven't even spoken to Shaun, not until he phoned me today, and that was around half twelve."

"I'm sorry, everything is just so confusing right now; I can't think straight. But… but I'm sure he was still here then, and he only left to go to the toilet. He went back to school about ten to one, I think. So how could he call you?"

"Well, I don't know, but I'm not making it up,"

"Well anyway, Joey, I'm sorry you don't feel the same way I do. I know a lot of shit had happened and…."

I didn't give him a chance to finish as my lips connected with his. Instead, I pushed my tongue in and explored his mouth. It took a while for him to respond, but I'm guessing that was because my move was the last thing he expected, thanks to fucking Shaun!

"I beg to differ," I said, pulling away. "I hope that convinces you that I do feel the same way and that Shaun is a fucking dead man!" Jack just looked at me, eyes wide.

I just sat there trying to digest what I had just heard. There were many lines in the sand I had drawn for Shaun lately, many things I had forgiven him for… him and Dean. But this… this was a fucking deception so low it made me grind my teeth in anger.