a Glass Floor Underfoot - 24. rough or tender

I had to read this several times, and I came away each time with my senses colored differently than before. Yet I am no less breathless now than I was the first time. 

I know just enough German to be dangerous, so I could see in general where the author was going and how you were interpreting it.  Then, out of curiosity, I dropped the original into the Google translator - and was reminded of our discussion of "O Tannenbaum".  Yeah, the words were there, more or less, but as they say, "something was lost in the translation". 

From a technical perspective:  I note that you produced rhyme in lines where the original author did, but in general, is this free verse?  Both the original and translation?

2 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

I had to read this several times, and I came away each time with my senses colored differently than before. Yet I am no less breathless now than I was the first time. 

Thank you, Parker! I believe Robert Jentzsch was interested in writing verse that drew a reader back to deeper consideration of the images and actions he lays out in any particular work. I try to present this same quality to my translations of his works, and your comments here make me think I'm going a long way towards my goal! 

Thanks again

2 hours ago, Backwoods Boy said:

I know just enough German to be dangerous, so I could see in general where the author was going and how you were interpreting it.  Then, out of curiosity, I dropped the original into the Google translator - and was reminded of our discussion of "O Tannenbaum".  Yeah, the words were there, more or less, but as they say, "something was lost in the translation". 

From a technical perspective:  I note that you produced rhyme in lines where the original author did, but in general, is this free verse?  Both the original and translation?

Thanks, Backwoods Boy! I'm thinking your comment about being lost in translation refers to the spirit of the original poem being lost when plugged into an online translator to produce an English version. (Fingers crossed that's what you mean . . . 🤞)

As for the form, Jentzsch's work, like the majority of Expressionist artists, retains an interest in traditional set-verse. One of the most popular forms for these writers was the Sonnet, and they appear to delight in crafting edgy, modern-world images of conflict in this "antique," "romantic" form. They almost say 'We can use your art against you as we try to wake you up.'

I can't recall Jentzsch using the Sonnet (which makes him the rare exception), but his verse more often than not sets a metre in the first line(s) and sticks to it throughout. For that reason I would not say an example like the one above is free verse, although he did write those at well. In general, he seemed to think of himself as a lyric poet first and foremost.

Thanks again    

1 hour ago, AC Benus said:

Thanks, Backwoods Boy! I'm thinking your comment about being lost in translation refers to the spirit of the original poem being lost when plugged into an online translator to produce an English version. (Fingers crossed that's what you mean . . . 🤞)

As for the form, Jentzsch's work, like the majority of Expressionist artists, retains an interest in traditional set-verse. One of the most popular forms for these writers was the Sonnet, and they appear to delight in crafting edgy, modern-world images of conflict in this "antique," "romantic" form. They almost say 'We can use your art against you as we try to wake you up.'

I can't recall Jentzsch using the Sonnet (which makes him the rare exception), but his verse more often than not sets a metre in the first line(s) and sticks to it throughout. For that reason I would not say an example like the one above is free verse, although he did write those at well. In general, he seemed to think of himself as a lyric poet first and foremost.

Thanks again    

Yes, I was most certainly referring to the online translator, a useful tool within limits. 

Thanks for the comments about the Sonnet and its uses.  As to the work above, I'll look at the metre some more - I didn't see consistency immediately.  In fact it took a few times through to notice the rhyming lines.  🙁

And I apologize for dwelling on the technical aspects of a beautiful work, but they arouse curiosity.  You previously awoke an interest in poetry in me, and one cannot properly "do" until one understands fully what they are "doing".  🙂 

1 hour ago, Backwoods Boy said:

it took a few times through to notice the rhyming lines.

That's a great compliment Shows the flow and meaning dominates the rhymes.

1 hour ago, Backwoods Boy said:

I apologize for dwelling on the technical aspects of a beautiful work, but they arouse curiosity.

You never need to apologize for this. It's a pleasure to talk about these things with an interested party. Hopefully you'll have time to think about getting back to writing your own Tanka, which as I remember, you excelled at