Never say love - 3. Chapter 3

Well to my disappointment he didn’t look at my side and went further towards the back row seats of the bus.

Same case throughout the day in the class, he was that close to my presence yet he didn’t even look at my direction or recognize me. I felt like invisible once again. I gave up totally. Lab session was the last class of the day. He was nowhere in sight, suddenly I felt a warm breath on my neck and I turned to find him staring at me for few seconds and then gave me that Million dollar smile.

"Were you always like this?" Varun asked me. He had this hush tone that could take your breath away.

"Like what?" I asked confused

"As if you are living in your own world, always immersed in your studies etc" he said.

"I don’t know" I said it as a matter of fact.

Then he left quietly. The day ended abruptly. I came back home. Mommy hadn’t returned from office. The house was so empty and I felt so lonely. I changed clothes and went for studies. Within few hours Mommy returned home and she came to my room to inquire.

"How was your day in the college?" She asked.

Concern on her eyes, there were few grey hairs starting to peek on her head. But she looked beautiful. Without my father I wonder how lonely her world could be. Mom and I ran a close knit unlike other teenager’s houses. We shared most of the things. Even though she was a hard working woman she ensured quality time spent with me. But lately I felt distant and I couldn’t share everything. I was sure she will be heartbroken if she knew her only son is gay. I wonder if she could understand homosexuality. And I have no reason to reveal the truth to her, not in the near future.

"It was good" I replied to her. She looked at me once again and said

"Why are you not picking up Anita's calls?" her tone was little bit harsh then.

Anita is the only daughter of my Mom's brother. She is of my same age. We kind of grew up together. My uncle was the only close relative of my mom. My mom and uncle had been secretly wishing that Anita and I could be married one day. How medieval they could be, huh? I wonder how disappointed they both would be if they came to know about my sexuality. Here in India, most of the gay men get married, sexuality has never been important as long as you get married, build a family and breed loads of children as if population has been a concern here. Nobody cares about individual rights or feelings, it’s all about family tradition and shit culture. No matter how many rockets we send it to space, we are still slaves of history.

"I will" I responded to her quietly. My mom left the room to watch her favorite melodrama in Sun TV. They have been playing that TV for the last hundred years.

Few hours later I went to take dinner. I had a quite dinner with my mom while Sun TV drama playing on the background. I came back to my bedroom, took off my t-shirt and sat in front of my laptop.

Recently I found a gay friend in facebook, Ashwin. Ashwin was studying in some anonymous engineering college. He had shown me his photos and we usually chat at nights. For safety reasons I never told him my real name or my college. But he was a friendly and cool guy to chat with. Like any other gay boy in India I had 2 facebook profiles one is real and another is fake but gay.

"Whatsupp buddy?" Ashwin said.
"am cool, howz ur college?" I asked
"boring, so did u meet your secret crush today?" Ashwin inquired.

I kinda told him about Varun and I regularly update him about it.

"i met him on Saturday at Escape, he spoke to me" I told him.
"really, that’s great dude. What’s his name, u never told me" Ashwin asked.
"Some other time" I typed and then continued "so how is your hottie?".

It seems Ashwin likes a guy in his college too but never had the guts to tell him. The way Ashwin talks about it as if his crush is the hottest guy in Chennai. Sometimes I wonder if I could just meet Ashwin probably he would look good too and I could find a lover in him. But that’s not how stupid cupid works, Does it?.

I had a chat with Ashwin and decided to call the day off. As I said I was a personal stalker of Varun, I have captured some secret photos of him in my mobile phone. I started browsing it one by one. I removed my shorts a bit down and felt my erect cock. Clouds started forming slowly and then increased it speed. Few minutes later after few violent thunders it poured non-stop. Ladies and gentlemen let me tell you, orgasm is a trap and masturbation is bliss.