Shane - 3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

He was in the weight room at the school no more then five minutes when Derek walked in jumping him so badly that the bar holding the weights slipped out of his hand sending the black weight blocks he’d lifted up crashing back down on top of the others he was not yet strong enough to lift.

“You sure are a jumpy kid.” Derek said smiling as he walked around the apparatus and stood over Shane who was on his back rubbing his chaffed hands from where the bar slipped past his skin on it’s escape from his hand.

He sat up dodging his head past the bar and looked wearily up at Derek. “What are you doing here?” he croaked out.

“I thought maybe I could help you. In becoming buff you know.” He said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders as he sat down on the bench with Shane. “If you want.”

Shane shook his head not liking how far Derek was taking his father’s order. “I know why you are doing this Derek and I personally relieve you from your duty.”

Derek looked at him with the buffoon sort of look.

“It’s okay,” Shane said shaking his head once. “If your dad asks I’ll tell him you’ve been very nice to me. Which you have so it wouldn’t be lying.” he side long glanced over to the wall then down to his hands between his legs that were spread open and hanging over each side of the bench.

“What in hell does my father have to do with me being nice to you?”

Shane’s head shot up as that sentence sure sounded genuine. He didn’t think Derek was truly smart enough to cover anything up so well and was now switching gears trying to decide why else Derek was suddenly so there and being so nice to him. “I thought...” He paused shook his head and looked back down at his hands. “I just thought he told you to be nice to me.” He said quietly while shame ebbed it’s way up through his feet and into most parts of his body.

Derek let out a laugh making that shame expand. “I don’t listen to my dad.” He said clapping a huge hand down onto his thigh. “And he never told me any such thing.”

He rubbed at the back of his neck unable to come up with any other explanations. “Then why are you?”

He was given a sharp look by Derek. “You think someone has to be bribed to be nice to you? Is that what we’ve all done to you? Given you such a low self worth that you don’t think you could just have a friend?”

“What do you mean we all?” Shane asked wondering from what he was saying if it had been the plan all along and who exactly was involved.

“Everyone at this damn school.” He said loudly making Shane instinctively flinch. Derek turned and looked him straight in the eye. “It’s only gonna get worse you know. Now that, that bitch dumped your stuff all over the room. Everyone thinks your queer.” The last part of his statement sounded more to Shane like maybe Derek was asking him right there whether he was or not.

Shane shook his head having come up with an excuse for that during his long week off. “That picture...” he started, stopped then cleared his throat. “It was only what I want to look like. You know,” He pointed down at the bench. “After working out. It’s sort of my goal.”

Derek’s eyes seemed to bore right into his soul in his intense studying and Shane could not tell either way if he believed the lie or not. “Why’d you have all that other stuff in there? All those balls and stuff?”

“To play with the dogs at the park.” he’d come up with that one over the weekend too actually the moment he’d given old Shep his thank you ball for keeping him warm Thursday night. “You know the ones that run loose. I throw them the balls and they bring them back. It’s just for fun, but I don’t want to lose them so I keep them in my bag.”

Derek nodded and Shane was pretty sure he detected a look of belief in his still studying eyes. “What about all that other junk.”

Shane blanched what he hoped was not visibly at someone especially Derek calling all his prize possessions junk. “I just haven’t cleaned it out in a while.” He managed to mutter lowering his face again as he could feel it growing red in his ever expanding shame.

“I didn’t say that to be mean.” Derek was still watching him and knew from Shane’s reaction that his feelings had definitely been hurt by the question. “I’m sorry.”

Shane looked back up at him having never in his life been apologized too. He was left speechless since never being apologized to left him with no way or knowledge on how to respond to it.

“Do you want me to help you bulk up? I swear I’m not tricking you or doing this cause my dad asked. I just think it’s high time you stuck up for yourself.”

Shane too confused to do much else nodded. He sure would like help as he had no idea what he was doing and if what he was doing was even right.

“Take off your shirt.”

He instinctively wrapped his arms around himself not liking the order and having no intention of baring his body to Derek who had the body of a Greek God compared to his body of a five year old.

“Come on,” Derek chuckled a bit as he smiled at Shane. “I need to see what you need to work on. I ain’t gonna pick on you I promise.” He reached out and put his hand around one of Shane’s that was pressed up against his chest. He gently pulled it away and stood up.

Shane his hand halfway between him on the bench and Derek standing over him felt warm tingles running through his hand and up his arm absolutely figuring he had to be dreaming as his puny little nothing hand was deeply and warmly embraced in Derek’s big strong adonis of a hand. Not wanting to have that hand let go of his he stood and lifted one leg over the bench and placed his foot down with the other on the same side of the bench.

Even though he’d gotten up the hand still let go of him. “Take off your shirt.” He said again sounding even more kind this second time.

Shane looked down at himself between the hand holding and the apology he didn’t have it in him to deny a request of someone who was being so nice to him. He curled his fingers around the bottom of his T-shirt and pulled it upwards then up off and over his head.

“How in hell did you get all those bruises?” Derek asked sounding mad again. Shane looked down damning himself to hell as apparently bruises of this nature were not something that every kid was covered in. Something he suddenly realized he should have known as most kids were not as bad as him most kids had not killed their own mothers. They were such an every day part of his life he had not thought at all about someone seeing them. Which didn’t make much sense cause he’d never told anyone how he was treated at home to hide his own shame but now for some reason he’d just whipped his shirt off and revealed all.

He put his hand over one particularly bad one and thought quickly. “My skin is real sensitive banging around down on your father’s boat took it’s toll.” Stupid but it just might work after all he was not dealing with the brightest fellow of them all. He didn’t note any look of belief in Derek’s eyes but didn’t note any of disbelief either.

He took a quick step back as Derek’s hand pressed into his chest and started feeling along his chest.

“What are you doing?” He asked holding the T-shirt that was still in his hand up over his chest.

“I’m feeling your muscles. See what we have to work with.”

“There’s nothing to work with.” He snapped not so sure why he was suddenly angry he just knew he was.

“What do you mean?”

“I ain’t got no muscles yet. That’s why I’m here.”

“No you do.” Derek nodded slightly and gently moved Shane’s shirt gripping hand back down to his side. “You’ve got some good definition started here.” he rubbed his hand along Shane’s chest again and though Shane was somewhat turned on by it he was still feeling anger which he figured may just be disguised humiliation. “You’re stomach is all caved in though.” His fingers were now walking along that area like a spider. “Don’t you eat?”

“Well of course I eat.” He snapped again wishing he would stop doing that.

“You’re not going to make much muscle if you don’t eat more. It’s obvious you don’t eat enough.” he pressed into his stomach again making Shane’s gnawing hunger only that much more apparent. “I’ll have to show you what a good balanced meal is. Say tonight after practice I pick you up and we can go out to eat so I can show you what you are supposed to eat.”

Shane looked up at him a weary look like maybe he was waiting for the punch line to this latest trick. An idea was forming in his head one he knew he would never believe but yet it was still there. He looked Derek over from head to toe wishing there were some tell tale sign that a person were gay from a person’s appearance. Cause what he was thinking was that he was getting hit on right now. Not that he could base this on any experience and he wasn’t really believing it he knew how his mind loved to run away with things.

“Well?”

“I haven’t got any money.”

“That’s okay I’ll treat, I’ll call it part of the training.”

Shane found himself nodding figuring getting beat up by the jocks was worth the chance for a dinner with The Stud. He knew it would cause him no trouble at home in fact if he didn’t go home he wouldn’t get beat on. His father could really care less if he showed up or not as long as he wasn’t woken up in the process of him arriving home. “Can’t I just meet you here though instead of you picking me up at home?” he slid his shirt back on and looked over at Derek.

“No, I don’t want my friends to see.”

Shane filled with more expanding shame though of course this should have been no surprise to him what was shameful about it was the fact it had looked like he thought Derek wouldn’t mind being seen with the likes of him.

“I can pick you up in town somewhere though just not here.”

“How about the library?”

“Sure that sounds good. But if you see any of my friends wait til they go away before they come to the car.”

“Okay,” they only had enough time left after their discussion for Derek to show him to proper techniques on using each machine such as body posture and breathing.

“Tomorrow morning you can do it and I’ll make sure you are doing it right.” he said after checking his watch. “You’d better get showered and get out of here now before Bart finds you.”

Shane was in his first period English class no more then five minutes before the crackling intercom beeped to life and his name was called out to report to the office.

The teacher aptly named rail cause she was as thin as one nodded curtly to him apparently giving her ‘nod’ of approval that it was okay for him to leave her class.

He stood up and pulled his bag out from where it had been pressed tightly between his feet and walked out of the classroom several snickers from the other students ringing out as he walked from the back of the room to the front.

He walked down the deserted hall and into the outer sanctum where he was motioned right on through to the inner sanctum himself. He was nervous but knew he’d done nothing wrong and figured it was some post punishment follow up. Mr. Mason nodded as curtly as The Rail had and motioned him into one of the high society diningroom chairs.

He sat down pulling his book bag off his shoulder and placing it in his lap.

“How are you?” Mr. Mason asked congenially.

“Fine thanks.” he wondered if he should ask how the principal was in return but abandoned the idea not wanting to come off as another smart ass something he was scared of now since his run in with Dudley Do Right on Friday.

“I talked to Mrs. Narchek. I told her what she did to you was totally wrong and I told her I’d better not hear any more about that type of behavior from her. I need you to promise me that you will come to me if she harasses you or embarrasses you like that gain.”

Shane nodded hoping he wouldn’t be made to come right out and say I promise cause he really didn’t figure it was a promise he could keep. He just didn’t think it were possible for the likes of him to have the right to run belly aching about anyone else to anyone. He watched the principal as he leaned back in his chair and pulled open a desk drawer. His eyes lit up seeing him produce two of his tennis balls a baseball and some other of his prized possessions he’d not been able to gather on the day of the major incident.

He hid his great elation not really wanting this man or anyone to know how much his possessions actually meant to him. Mr. Mason pushed the goods across the desk. “I thought you may want these back.”

Shane smiled what he hoped was a not too excited smile. He unzipped his bag in what he hoped was a not too excited way then reached over and picked up his belongings in the same hopefully non excited manner and dropped them back in the bag the keeper of his prized possessions. “Thank you.” He looked back up at Mr. Mason as he zipped the bag shut hoping it expressed that he was grateful but not desperately grateful.

“Did you cut your own hair this weekend?”

Shane did not think anyone had enough shame in them as what was filling him now his eyes burned and he swore at himself to keep them back. He did not know why this insult was bothering him so much more then all the others but it certainly was.

“Shane are you okay?” Don asked feeling some shame of his own as it was very obvious he had just deeply hurt Shane’s feelings. “I wasn’t being rude son, I commend you for cutting your own hair it’s not something most people would attempt.”

The insult topped with a compliment jerked Shane’s flood gates open in a sudden force and with no time or ability to push it back the tears streamed down his face. He stood up quickly knowing all he could do was flee the scene. He was used to these crying jags and knew there was no way to stop them once they started. What he had to do was get to the bathroom and hide in one of the stalls. He didn’t even get to the outer sanctum though before he was grabbed by the elbow and the door to out there was closed blocking his path of escape.

“Just let me go.” He cried trying to wrench his elbow free. “Please” he added in a pleading tone.

“No Shane. You come and sit back down.” Don guided him over to the chair his heart breaking at what he had said to make Shane break down like this. He knew the kid had a lot of sadness in him but was shocked to see it actually come out as no one in the school had ever reported any emotion from the kid at all. He put his hands up on Shane’s shoulders and eased him down into the chair where he quickly buried his face in his hands the tufts of dark brown hair that he had missed in his cutting jiggling back and forth while he cried.

Don sat beside him in the other fancy dining room chair and reached over onto his desk and pulled a couple tissues out of his hand made cross stitched tissue box. “Shane I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You did a real good job, you just missed a few spots.” he figured he should back up his original hurtful statement with some facts.

Shane snagged a tissue that was being held up to his hands that were pressed tightly in to his face, he wiped at his eyes realizing why he’d been hurt so by the original statement. It had to be because he actually liked this guy and cared more about his opinion of him then perhaps anyone else that he knew he was far past ever being anything in their eyes. This man though that he had no nickname for had always seemed to like him had never said a hurtful word to him. And the words he said weren’t so bad it was just who they came from. He cleared his throat and contained himself as best he could as he wiped his still leaking eyes.

“It’s just I can’t see the back. I didn’t know it looked bad.” he said glancing at Mr. Mason out of the corner of his eye on his down cast face.

“It doesn’t look bad Shane. I didn’t mean that, like I said you just missed a couple spots.”

“It’s cause I couldn’t see them.” He said again trying feebly to defend himself for whatever reason he was not sure. He winced slightly as Mr. Mason’s hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed.

“If you want you can come with me after school, I happen to know someone who can just trim up those missed spots.”

Shane looked over at the principal face on. “You don’t have to do that for me.”

“I want to do that.” He said with what was undoubtedly to Shane a genuine smile. The man’s easy to read expressions was one of the many reason’s Shane liked him and had saved him from a nick name. “In fact I insist on it. Let me make it up to you for my rude comment.” he lowered his head and looked in Shane’s eyes what he saw only making him shudder. In this vulnerable state his eyes looked as tortured as he figured anyone’s eyes could get. “So please why don’t you meet me right here after your last class and we’ll go to my house so you can get your hair cut.”

“Your wife?”

Don sort of shrugged and sort of nodded. Shane did not question him figuring he had just not married the woman but was living with her and didn’t want to come out and admit that incase he thought Shane was religious or something.

He agreed to meet him there and left the office stopping in the rest room to wash his face before he returned to class. The day passed slowly with several more taunts then usual being shot his way all of them based on his apparent homosexuality. No one beat him up though and by that standard he had to call it a pretty good day. When he walked into Chemistry class The Bitch glared up at him from her desk. “You will sit with Derek today.” She said flatly and coldly pointing out the empty spot by Derek which he in no way considered it to be a punishment.

He walked over and sat down keeping his bag in his lap to help ensure the Bitch would not snatch it away again. He was minding his own business situating his books figuring Derek would not want him talking to him with the whole class around when Derek leaned over to him. “I told her I’d keep you in line. That way we would get to sit together.”

Shane’s ears grew hot not only by the breath emitted while Derek had been speaking directly into his ear but by the fact that Derek had wanted him to sit there so badly he had bowed down to the Bitch herself to get it accomplished. He nodded a curt nod wondering if he should fake a look of fear for the rest of the classes benefit to make it appear that maybe Derek had whispered a threat instead of what he’d actually whispered.

The Bitch degraded no one that class and looked to be careful not to even look in Shane’s direction though he highly doubted it he got the feeling the Bitch was suddenly afraid of him. Something he would not mind. Being feared was better then just being hated on the overall scale of things.

Just before the bell rang Derek leaned over again and said he’d be at the library at five thirty. Shane nodded glad he hadn’t forgot and praying he would show up so he wouldn’t look even more the part of the town fool standing on the library steps all night waiting for someone who would not show.

He met Mr. Mason in his office and waited only about five minutes for him to gather up his things before they walked out of the school and got in his car. One of the few cars Shane had ever seen in Prescott Cove that was shiny and not mostly covered in rust. “This is a real nice car.” He said feeling it needed to be said as it was about a hundred times prettier then the other cars in the lot and the whole damn town.

“Thanks.” Don said smiling at him as he unlocked Shane’s door. “I got it about a year before I moved here. Didn’t realize it would stand out like a sore thumb here course at the time I didn’t know I’d be moving here either.”

Shane nodded, opened the car door then got in and sat down. The inside of it even smelled nice. It did not smell like burning oil or stale cigarette smoke he took one long whiff maybe strawberries? Some fruity thing for sure. They drove a short ways down main street then up the street past Bradlee’s and on into some thick woods which they were in for about five minutes before the blinker clicked on. Shane looked to his left the way the ticking blinker light was indicating and saw a large and even fancy looking home that didn’t have peeling paint and didn’t have crooked shutters. It’s shutters were actually not even shutters they looked like short little picket fences on each sides of the windows they were painted white which contrasted well with the deep blue house.

“I didn’t think they had houses this nice in Prescott Cove.”

“This isn’t really Prescott Cove, we passed the town line about a mile back.”

Shane nodded and looked back out the window the house was two stories high and a porch wrapped the entire part of it that he could see. The porch was mostly white with every other table leg looking rail painted the same color blue as the house with the pillars that held the porch roof up painted purple at the top of the blue. “It’s got a lot of colors.” He said thinking he should talk cause the house was absolutely the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in real life.

“It’s a Victorian. Victorian homes by right should be three colors. We have spent the two years we have lived here fixing it up. It’s taken a lot of work and it’s still not done but it’s coming along well.”

They got out of the car and walked up the porch steps and into the house. A smell so inviting wafted to and up his nose a smell he could only describe in one word. Homey. Like the kind of smell that welcomed you home and beckoned you to stay as long as you wanted.

All around of what he could see was dark wood polished to a high shine, from the stairs to the floors to the banister that went up the stairs, the walls were even this color at the bottom then deep rich red from about midway up all the trim around the walls and doors was this same dark wood which all added to the homey theme. The stairs had some fancy carpeting running up the middle that was dark red with some white and green tear drop shaped designs on them a matching area rug was under their feet and another one ran down the hall to the left of the stairs.

To his right he could see a fancy diningroom and smiled seeing the chairs around it matched those in Mr. Mason’s office. There was another fancy rug over the dark wood under the table but this one was mainly green with red and white tear drop shapes.

“Let me take your jacket.”

Shane put his arms up protectively on his chest like he had earlier in the weight room when Derek wanted him to take his shirt off. “Can’t I keep it on.”

“It will be hard to cut your hair with your jacket collar up there.”

Shane relented realizing the man was right and shook off his jacket and handed it over feeling very exposed in his green shirt no matter if it was his favorite or not.

“Honey,” He called out making Shane jump as he was not expecting it. “I’m home, I brought Shane.”

“She already knows about me coming?” Shane asked turning to Mr. Mason figuring that would have been the proper thing for him to do to at least warn the woman that she had to give a hair cut.

“Be right there.”

Shane’s eyes nearly swapped sockets as it was a man’s voice he was sure that had called the response. Mr. Mason looked back at him and smiled. “She is a he.” He said tentatively looking pretty fearful of what Shane’s reaction may be.

Shane sort of pointed a finger out at him. “You mean you are gay?” he asked hoping it didn’t sound like an accusation.

Mr. Mason nodded not looking any less nervous making Shane think it had come across as and accusation. “Does the school know this?” he asked wanting to smack himself in the head as he was only making it sound like more of an accusation.

“It’s really none of the school’s business who I live with or who I love. It hasn’t come up and I have told no one. You are the first to find out.” Don looked at Shane intently for any sign to maybe tell him what he thought about it. He hadn’t expected Shane to run from the house he figured if anyone in Prescott Cove would be okay with his lifestyle it would be Shane Campbell he wasn’t sure why he had this opinion he just did.

He had liked the boy from the first time he met him. He knew his life was not easy but Shane kept trying despite it all. He showed up at school every day where he was abused and ridiculed by nearly every class mate. He didn’t exactly hold his head high but he kept coming and that in itself made Don respect the boy very much.

“Are you okay with this?” he asked after Shane’s silence stretched on.

Shane looked back up from the floor where he was actually rolling in the joy that he was not the only homo with in a thousand miles. He smiled assuredly at Mr. Mason and nodded. “You love whoever you want sir, as long as it’s love that’s all that matters right?”

Don smiled never feeling more proud of Shane then he did at that moment. He walked over and hugged his partner as he joined them in the foyer. Shane wanted to do a small dance of joy just seeing it. He suddenly felt very little fear at being in this house and being with two people he hardly knew. He felt maybe almost like he belonged in this place. He shook his head knowing that was just ridiculous as gay or not he didn’t belong in place as beautiful as this place was.

Don led his mate by the hand over to Shane. “Shane this is Tad, Tad this is Shane.” he said motioning with his free hand to between the two as he said their names.

“It’s very nice to meet you.” Tad reached out his hand Shane hesitated only a moment having never recalled shaking someone’s hand before or being formally introduced as he just had been.

When he did stick out his hand he smiled.

“Don’s told me quite a bit about you.”

Shane looked nervously over at Don knowing there were no good things to be said about him.

Seeing his nervousness Tad smiled warmly. “Sounds to me like you are a strong minded decent young man.”

Shane’s eyes narrowed and he pulled his hand free knowing now this had to be some kind of trick. He turned partway to the door and entertained the idea of fleeing.

“What’s wrong?” Don asked after giving Tad a weary look.

Shane turned his face back towards them but kept his eyes focused on the floor. “What do you want?”

“I just want to know what’s wrong.” Don reached out and put his hand on Shane’s elbow which in turn was pulled away.

“I shouldn’t have come here.” His eyes flickered around the room and over to the diningroom the smell of homey-ness still strong though this was not his home and the smell had nothing to do with him.

“I thought you said you didn’t mind it.” Don said walking around so he was in front of Shane who took a step back from him.

“I don’t mind that.” he shook his head. He turned his face up sideways and studied Tad for a moment.

“Well then what’s wrong?” Don asked feeling totally confused now.

He pulled his eyes off Tad and looked over at Don not knowing what to say but wanting to say something so they knew he was not upset by their sexuality. “I don’t know why I’m here.”

“Cause we were gonna get your hair cut. Tad here does a real good job. He does mine.” Don sort of chuckled which he figured was nerves as he ran his hand along his head.

Shane looked back over at Tad. “You don’t gotta say that to get to cut my hair.”

“Say what?” Tad asked holding his arms up in a half I surrender manner.

“Nice things.”

“I was saying nice things cause I’ve heard nice things about you. I’m not trying to bribe you or trick you in any way.”

Shane looked back over at Don wondering what nice things he could have come up with to say all the while wondering why he had been talked about at all in this house.

“So what do you say we get started on your hair then huh?” Tad held out his hand to Shane’s back and nudged him gently further away from the door. He kept up his gentle nudging til they reached the dining room table. He pulled out a chair and Shane sat down feeling like a total fool. He still wasn’t sure what was going on but knew he shouldn’t have acted like there was. Now they were gonna think he was a paranoid weirdo.

“You did a real good job for doing this yourself.” Tad said above him as he pulled a comb through his hair.

“You don’t have to say that sir, I’m not gonna start crying about it again.” he figured Don must have told him about his bawling episode in the office and this man though kind to do it was trying to lessen the severity of what Don had said.

Tad looked over at Don who shook his head sadly and shrugged in the doorway to the diningroom.

“I’m not just saying it.” he looked back down at the top of Shane’s head and pulled his comb through again. “The only people who can usually get away with cutting their own hair are people with real long hair. Cutting your own hair when it is this short is nearly impossible.”

Shane kept his mouth tightly closed feeling somewhat uncomfortable with this man being so nice to him. He thought of the conspiracy thing that had crept into his mind earlier and wondered if everyone was now setting him up to think he was special or something so the next time they knocked him down it would be a more devastating fall. He decided he would go along with these people’s niceness but would not let any of it sink in. That way when the inevitable happened it wouldn’t hurt like they all were expecting.

“Do you want any certain style?”

“Just short please.”

The next few minutes were pretty silent other then the sound of the snipping scissors. Tad set the scissors and comb down on the table when he was done and walked off into the other room. Shane turned his head around and looked at Don who was still standing in the doorway wondering if it was okay for him to get up or not.

Don smiled back at him his worry for the boy very high since his reaction to Tad’s compliment fifteen minutes earlier. He had dealt with many kids in many towns for nearly twenty years between being a teacher and being a principal and was pretty certain Shane’s reaction was due to not having one ounce of self esteem.

Self esteem so low that when he was paid a compliment which apparently happened very little he automatically assumed someone was playing a trick on him. Something that was incredibly sad in itself but not as sad as what it took to make someone that way. In Shane’s case he knew it had a great deal to do with the way he was treated at school but after seeing what he just saw he got a strong feeling that things were not much better at home. That not only was Shane very poor but chances were good he had very little love as well.

“Do you want to stay for dinner Shane?” he asked wanting to get to know the boy better and hopefully after a while dig out of him why exactly he was so down on himself.

He turned his face back to him. “I can’t I have to meet my dad in front of the library at five fifteen.” good lie, good use of time so he won’t know it wasn’t his dad picking him up. He nodded slightly commending himself for his quick thinking.

“Okay, maybe another time.”

Shane nodded.

“Say tomorrow?”

He looked back at him sharply. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t.” Shane snapped not sure why he was angry this time either as he turned his face back to the table. He stood up pushing the chair back along the rug. “In fact maybe I had better go now.”

“Why so soon?” Tad asked returning to the room with a hand mirror for Shane to see his cut.

“I gotta meet my dad.”

“You said you didn’t have to meet him til five fifteen it’s only three thirty.”

Shane’s anger swirled up around him he didn’t know why still but he went with it. He raised his hand up so it was even with his chest. “I just want to go.” He said loudly bringing his hand up and down with each word. He said it so forcefully he couldn’t even keep his eyes open as he said it as he’d never spoken out like that before.

Don nodded and retrieved Shane’s coat from the foyer. Shane entering the foyer snatched it out of his hands and flung it on right over his pack. “I can walk.” he said curtly then skirted around Don and quickly walked out the front door.

Tad looked at Don the mirror dangling from his hand down by his thigh. “That’s one hurting kid there Don.”

Don nodded his eyes misting over he turned and walked out the door as well. He caught up with Shane just as he passed the car and grabbed his arm. “I’m not letting you walk back it’s too far. You don’t have to talk to me and I won’t talk to you if you don’t want, just get in the car.”

Shane jerked his arm out of Don’s grasp and started walking off down the driveway again.

“I MEAN IT Shane.” Don yelled out trying to make his voice angry though he really wasn’t just to make Shane get in the car. Shane stopped dead in his tracks he slowly turned around then walked up to the car and dropped down into the passenger seat of which Don had opened the door to when Shane had stopped.

Shane put on his seat belt and maneuvered his arm out of his jacket pulling off his pack he moved it to his lap and held it tightly in his arms. He did not look over at Don as he sat down in the drivers seat opting instead to stare straight ahead and try to figure out his anger.

“I’m sorry we upset you Shane.”

“You said you wouldn’t talk.” Shane snapped clenching his fists mad at himself for snapping but also mad at Don for not keeping his promise. Something he should have known Don would do.

Don looked away from Shane and started the car deciding if that was what Shane wanted that was exactly what he would do. Though he desperately wanted to feel the boy out and make him feel he had an ally he knew he had to go slow that Shane had been hurt too many times by too many people to just open up and put his trust in anyone.

He drove him into to town and to the library and did not even say good bye as Shane got out of the car. He watched as he walked up the steps and went inside then drove back out to his house.

At five o’clock when the library closed Shane returned to the front step still not having any idea why he’d gotten so mad. Now he was only feeling guilty for being so nasty and not even thanking Tad for the hair cut. He decided what he should do was apologize to Mr. Mason first thing in the morning and just hope his apology would be accepted though he highly doubted it.

It got colder and it got darker and Shane looked down the street to the bank his heart sank seeing it was already five thirty five and still there was no sign of Derek. He mentally kicked himself in the ass for falling for this trick sure Derek and his friends were hiding just out of sight laughing their butts off at him sitting there like a goon. He stayed where he was though holding onto the dying ember of hope that Derek had only been delayed and would show up at any moment.

It was long past eight o’clock when he lifted his sorry ass off the freezing cold concrete step and started on the trek home. He realized he had been stupid in his earlier plan of just not letting people’s kindness sink in. It still hurt real bad and he had all he could do to hold in his tears at bay. He seriously considered giving up his work out routine but one side of his brain seemed to fight against the other and in the end the side telling him to go won out. It’s argument being that he was not doing it for anyone else, he was doing it for himself so that maybe he would not hate himself as badly as everyone else did.

He got to the park and stopped and patted Old Shep who had picked up the ball on Shane’s arrival and was holding it in his mouth as he jumped up on Shane not allowing his tongue to come out for the usual lick. “You would never play a trick on me would you Shep?” He asked as he stroked the dogs ears. “I don’t think you would and it’s real nice to know that at least I have someone who won’t be mean.” He leaned over and kissed the top of Shep’s head patted him one last time then walked down the dirt road to his own trailer he stopped and sighed seeing the old rust bucket in the driveway meaning the old bear was home. No doubt sitting in on the couch with his reeking feet up on the clean coffee table with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

He turned back and looked at Shep visible in the lumination of the streetlight standing at the end of his line and looking back at him. He toyed with the idea of sleeping with the dog again as he’d slept very well that night but figured he shouldn’t wear out Shep’s welcome cause there would be more nights he would actually need to sleep there.

He walked up the three steps to the house bringing his feet together on each step to delay the moment of actually walking into the house. He reached the door took a deep breath then opened it up and stepped inside.

“What the hell are you doing here?” the old bear growled before he even got the door closed behind him.

Shane turned and looked at him on the couch with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. His stained stocking feet were on the coffee table and Shane could almost see the cartoon like greenish yellow fumes of stink radiating from them. “I thought..” Before he could finish his sentence the old bear growled again.

“I don’t give a fuck what you thought.” He spat while spit actually flew out of his mouth. “I’m not ready to see your ugly face yet. Come back tomorrow night maybe I’ll have changed my mind by then.” He waved him off with a wave of his big fat hand and Shane turned back around and left the trailer he walked back down the steps and out of the small driveway knowing a night out of the house also meant a night off the small square that was their rented property.

He did not yet dare go to Shep’s house as his owners were still up and moving around in the light that was coming out of their windows. He did not dare go out to the road cause he knew now that Derek lived just past him and did not want him to drive by and laugh at him or stop and beat the hell out of him for being so dumb he actually fell for his trick.

He turned and walked to the back of the park then off into the woods where he still had a good view of the lights in shep’s owners trailer but felt he could not be seen out there in the darkness. He felt around him and found what felt like a fallen tree. He brushed off the snow on a small part of it then climbed up on and sat there waiting for the lights to go out in the first trailer.

He thought he saw Derek’s car go by maybe and hour later but from his great distance could not be sure. Perhaps an hour after that the lights in his tin shack went out. It seemed like maybe days after that before the first trailer went dark. He slid his frozen ass down off the tree and trudged out of the woods and up to the first trailer where Shep was still standing at the edge of his chain as though he’d been watching Shane in the woods this whole time. His tail wagged excitedly as Shane approached and he ran back and forth from his dog house to Shane seemingly inviting him right on in which Shane was glad to see as he had to take one of those emergency uses.

Shep let him crawl in first then crawled in behind him he again snuggled right up close to Shane. Shane fell asleep within a few minutes this time his mind much more exhausted then his body. The day that seemed to start out so good was leaving him feeling more alone and desperate then ever.