Shane - 1. Chapter 1

Shane

Chapter 1

Before he opened his eyes he set his ears on full alert. To his right and just above was the familiar sound of Austin’s distant sounding buzz saw snoring. ‘Austin asleep, check.’ he said to himself and preened his ears in the other direction though difficult to hear much past the buzz saw he tuned in extra well listening intently picturing it as though his ears were actually expanding stretching out into a long string that slipped across his bedroom floor and over under his bedroom door.

He pictured it slithering down the hall like a snake edging it’s way into the kitchen at the end of it. There was drip, drip of sink in the kitchen that had been leaking as long as he could remember despite his father’s many ranting’s that he was gonna get the god damn mother fixed. His ear stayed there listening for any sounds from the livingroom as even in his imagination his ear could pass through the kitchen and into the livingroom.

Not hearing any obvious noises there he retracted it back up the hall and stopped it at the bathroom across the hall. No sounds there, oh wait? Was that the toilet flushing or was it just doing it’s usual every three minute fill up. Another god damn mother his father had cursed revenge on. The toilet like the sink had yet to see his father’s vengeance. Deciding it had to be just running as he heard no retreating foot steps out of the bathroom he stretched his ear over to his father’s door.

The Bear cave itself aptly named by him, as his father was nothing but an angry old bear. He’d been old in Shane’s eyes since Shane’s earliest memories but old in no way meant frail with his father. He was a towering man of well over six feet tall. Exactly how much older he had no idea and never got the gumption to ask him though it was really the least of his concerns as to exactly how tall his father actually was. What mattered more was the size of his fists and the immense power each of them carried behind them.

The old bear growled like any angry old bear you’d come across in the forest especially if you had just stolen a hunk of raw meat out of any wild bears mouth. He did not know why his father was always so angry he figured it may have something to do with having no wife. Something Shane himself was held personally responsible for since she was alive only long enough after his birth to give him his name.

He had heard the story once or twice usually while the bear was reiterating it to someone else. How the ‘kid’ as he was referred to by the bear had ripped some vital organ in his mother and after he had come out blood had poured out so hard and so fast that before the doctors could find out what it was she was gone. Gone as in dead, final that was it.

He certainly had never intended to kill his own mother and had no memories of his own of her or her death but figured it had to be his fault not only from what he’d been told over the years but he was the one in the area in question moments before her demise.

Austin his older brother the buzz saw snorer whom Shane had aptly named Buzz, never to his face of course, also held him personally responsible for the needless death of their mother. He creaked open an eye and looked over at the bed tall and white like a cloud of softness his back was just aching to lay on.

It was less then three weeks away the event that would get his brother out of the house and more comforting out of this bedroom where he after ten years of sleeping on the not so plush carpet would have that bed. Buzz had landed himself a woman they’d actually been dating for years and in three weeks they would tie the proverbial knot and Buzz would be the hell out of his life. He wanted to tell this woman that Buzz was a homo, he knew this because Buzz liked to have sex with boys and he knew this cause he was the boy Buzz was so into having sex with.

If you could even call what Buzz did as sex, sex he assumed was not the violent act he was subjected to a few times a week. Sex he thought was something two willing partners did to consummate their love for each other in a passionate and gentle way. Not beating someone up ripping their clothes off and jamming it in just as hard as they could.

Shane could not deny that he was a homo himself he wasn’t sure if maybe it was just cause girls scared the hell out of him or just because he had definite attractions to guys two in particular from school that made him tingle in his nether regions whenever their faces or bodies could be spotted in the halls, cafeteria or classrooms.

Not that guys didn’t scare the hell out of him too, fact was he hadn’t gotten to know either sex that well he was basing his homo decision on physical attraction alone. He fantasized about men, being in bed with them and doing every thing that Buzz did to him only with much less pain involved. And kissing of course Buzz did not kiss him he was more of a lip smacker (with his hand not lips) then a lip kisser, with him anyways, cause there were many nights that he and his girlfriend well, now fiancée, were groping and kissing on the couch when he got home.

He lifted his head off his back pack which served as a pillow at night and rubbed at his jaw that sort of screamed at him in pain the minute it was lifted off the pack. Shane rubbed at it in confusion not remembering being hit there then rubbed at the bag where his jaw had been and realized the cause of the discomfort. One of the baseballs he’d found over the years had been his jaws place of rest through the night. One that may not be painful if it were pressed against for say an hour but after six it would tend to take it’s toll.

He sat up and stretched his arms out making sure not to make any moans of pleasure sounds as his muscles reveled in the stretch. He got up on his knees and peeked over Buzz’s bed, his future bed, to the alarm clock shining it’s large red numbers through the room. Four fifty five. If he left right away he’d be at the school by five fifteen and have a full hour in the weight room before the jocks showed up.

He looked down at his arms as he brought them back down from their stretch and poked at his bicep which three weeks ago was nothing but a slight bulge on his arm that held not definition whatsoever. But today he was sure there was some definition there just had to be. He hated lifting weights but the worse of those two evils was being the puny shapeless wimp that he currently was.

He’d heard some girls talking once, there were three or four of them and they were sitting at the table in the cafeteria at the time. He’d heard them rating guys and tuned in his flexible ears discreetly wanting to give his own scores if only to himself on his fellow classmates. The scores were one to ten with ten being the ultimate hunkiest.

They picked a guy luckily naming him so Shane would know who they were rating tell his good qualities and bad then give the over all esteemed or sometimes not so esteemed rating. His own name had come up in the polls and though he’d wanted to run from the cafeteria then hear what anyone thought of him he stayed. And was glad he had. One of the girls whose name he thought was Candy like the bar whom he aptly named Krackel cause she had a numerous amount of zits on her otherwise attractive face. She had said he had a very cute face that he only needed to bulk up and could reach the ultimate ten level. When the other girls all agreed he’d nearly choked on his pizza thinking poor old Krackel was gonna get beat up and shunned herself for even making such and observation.

They’d made more comments about his anti social ness and weird clothes, which Shane didn’t really consider weird just way too big as they were hand me downs from Buzz. Ones Buzz no longer cared to wear and gave to Shane like he were giving him some prize with a value of up to a million dollars.

A couple of the girls had even stuck up for him about his anti social also and stated in that conversation somewhat weird behavior. They had said he was only anti social cause no one talked to him. Which was true other then when he was being teased.

It had taken him months after tuning in on that cafeteria conversation that he worked up the nerve to actually start working out. It was not even because he wanted to be a ten on their list. It was because he’d wanted to be able to defend himself. Not against his father the bear or even buzz the brother. He was too scared of those two to ever fight back and he knew that without even trying. It was the ass holes at school the afore mentioned jocks that he had to hide from and beat to the weight room every morning. The jocks who loved to knock him around and humiliate him in front of the school. His biggest fantasy was to one day stand up in the middle of one of their attacks and beat the hell out of them all.

He looked from his some what defined muscle down to the worn greenish yellow carpet and shook his head knowing deep down that he would be to scared to ever do that too. Maybe just the fact he could if he wanted to would help.

Maybe that’s why he pulled himself up off the floor stuffed his bag with a change of clothes and opened the bedroom door. He strained his ears out again hearing nothing but the run of the toilet and the drip of the sink he crept out into the hall. He took each step tentatively figuring he must look like someone dodging his feet between a floor full of mousetraps. It could undoubtedly turn out as bad for him as it would a mouse getting caught in one if the creaking floor woke up the bear.

He was guided by the light of the stove clock through the kitchen and to the front door, if trailers even had a front and back doors. He eased it open holding his breath as if that may reduce the sound of the creaky old door which made even more noise then the creaky old floor.

He stepped out onto the splitting and rotting in some places front steps which he half expected any day now to fall right down through. Though he figured Buzz or the Bear would be more apt to as Buzz outweighed him roughly by fifty pounds to his estimate and the bear well he was a good hundred pounds heavier.

He eased the door closed tightening his very worn out but very comfortable tan corduroy jacket, that used to be buzz’s, around his chest and neck he held it there as the zipper had long ago stopped working.

The morning was one of those cold morning that made your nostrils freeze shut typical for the 3rd day in January the third day of the year and the first day of the new term at school. He adjusted the pack on his back the contents of it making a racket that made him look down the trailer to make sure no lights would come on. He tucked his freezing hands up under his arm pits then took off down the stairs and out of the trailer park where all the trailers looked as run down and shabby as the one he’d just come out of.

He stopped for a moment at the first trailer you would pass if you were coming into the park and patted Old Shep, shep was a Shepard he had no idea of it’s real name but had named him with his own name like he did everyone he came across hence, Buzz the Bear and Krackel. Old Shep greeted him every morning with a how do you do jump on and a big lick down the side of his face. Had he not been chained to the end of the trailer Shane would have coaxed him to follow him to school each morning for sure protection against the bullies.

“I gotta go to school again,” He said scratching at the back of the dog’s ears. “Make sure you remember the routine just in case.” They had not used the routine in years. The routine was needed back when he was in grade school and the bullies went as far as to chase him home to beat the crap out of him. Shane instead of going to his own trailer would run into this yard and over to Old Shep’s dog house which Shep would not let any of the other boys get anywhere near. Perhaps that was why they had stopped chasing him home. Perhaps it was Old Shep himself that had saved him from that particular torture.

He leaned over and kissed the top of Shep’s head thanked him for his saving grace then left the trailer park. He walked East towards town and the school which was just under a mile away. The trailer park was actually in town just not the more built up section of it.

The built up section was not really even built up, not like New York City more like a city you would see in and Old western movie. One main street with a post office, bank, the school and police station. There was a grocery store off this main street and a few small department type stores as well. The most populated section of the town was the waterfront that was out past the school where main street came to an abrupt end and the ocean began.

Prescott Cove Rhode Island was the epitome of the small surviving by the skin of it’s teeth fishing town. His own father the bear was a fisher man. His boat well the one he worked on, was at dock at this particular time it went out three days a week. Was gone those entire three days and three nights. Days and nights that Shane could breathe a little easier with only Buzz to watch his back from. And in three weeks he would have that house and that bed all to himself for three whole days a week.

That would be his Christmas present this year. Buzz and the Bear didn’t know it but they had given him one, something they would never willingly do. He walked up the steps to the school just as Joel the ancient custodian was unlocking the door. The man could barely stand up straight but still managed to keep the small school of less then a hundred kids in tip top sparkling shape.

“Good morning Mr. Campbell.” Joel said smiling down at Shane with his missing tooth right there in the front grin. The man referred to everyone by their last name for whatever reason Shane did not know and did not care. He actually liked this particular person very much.

“Good morning.” He smiled back though many possible nick names for this man had floated through his head over the years none of them were used as Shane reserved his nick names for the people he did not like. Which meant very few people at this school did not have a nick name. The only other one was the principal who made a point to greet him every day at some point during the day with big smile.

He followed Joel into the school and squinted as Joel turned on the lights and the one long hall of the school was illuminated with blinding white light reflecting off the white floors white walls and light brown lockers. They were in the middle of said hallway now with class room and office doors lining it on either side. While the cafeteria stood a one end and the gymnasium home of the famed Prescott Cove Marlins at the other.

The school boasted nothing but it’s basket ball and football teams which were all the same people as those who played football were all the same ones that played basketball. They were the only two teams the small school had but kicked Butt in both sports not that Shane had ever actually gone to a game to see that but it was hard not to know with all the damn pep rallies and banners hanging everywhere. He walked down to the gymnasium which was a beautiful room actually with well varnished hard wood floors and bleachers. It was the only room in the school that looked nice since all the money raised and received in grants pretty much went to the athletics.

The teachers themselves were even low class normally kids that had recently graduated gone to two years of community college and came back and taught their lack of knowledge to the kids that had no choice but to still be there.

He walked through the gym and into the door to the left of it’s far side which was the door to the boys locker room. He set his book bag down briefly after making sure the room was empty and rummaged through his locker for the old pair of grey sweat pants and off white, used to be white, T-shirt. He stripped off his clothes after doing another check for no other people and slipped the sweat pants and T-shirt on.

He put his sneakers back on and retied the laces then picked his book bag back up and went through a door in the middle of the locker room and into the weight room that was in between the boys and girls locker rooms. Being the first one in the school besides Joel every morning for the past three weeks he had snuck over to the girls locker room one morning. Though he shouldn’t have been surprised he was to see it half the size of the boys and a lot more run down.

The boys locker room looked like one you would see in professional sports. It was freshly painted every summer and the lockers had been replaced two years earlier and were still gleaming in their school colors of green and white. He set his bag down by the first machine what he called the ‘I surrender’ cause your arms were up in that position while you used it. He reduced the weight by four bars as obviously some jock had used it last.

He spent ten minutes on each of the six weight machines in the room. All of them connected so you basically went around in a rectangle to get to each apparatus that protruded from it. This was his routine every school morning all he really had time for so he could get a shower in before the jocks showed up.

He picked his pack back up off the floor and returned to the locker room he took his, not so clean but cleaner then the ones he had slept in clothes, out of the bag and a towel out of his locker. He walked over to the showers which ran in a circle kinda like a circus tent with V shaped showers coming off it’s center.

He pulled the curtain back on one of the showers and hung his book bag from the shower spigot. He had been relieved to see on his first shower there that it would not get wet hanging from the back of the metal pipe that held the spigot at the end. His book bag if not on his shoulder was always within a foot of him. It held his most prized possessions ones he had to keep with him at all times so they did not get stolen or destroyed by the bear, Buzz or any deviant bully at school. He was always collecting more things for his bag but still had not yet filled it. Thus far it contained things of interest either found in the park, on the streets on the rocky beach near the wharfs or around the school. One thing his most prized possession he had stolen out of the great old bear’s cave itself.

Something he felt he had a right to have and something his father had plenty of. That, the picture of his mother was tucked away safely in the front pocket so as not to get crushed by the balls, rocks and shells that filled the large back pocket of the bag.

He hung the towel over the shower curtain rod then peeled off his work out clothes and threw them out on the bench just outside the shower door. He peeked through the curtain and over at the clock that hung above the door out to the gym. He saw he had a good ten minutes before the Jocks would start to show up giving him a good five minutes in the shower.

He turned the water on full blast it being the only water currently running in the school by chance the pressure was good and strong. Each shower stall came equipped with a soap dispenser and Shane got his hands good and full of soap then scrubbed it all over his hair and body wincing slightly as he passed over bruises received in a confrontation with the old bear the previous night.

One brought on by Austin, the Buzz, who seemed to really enjoy watching the bear maul Shane. His beatings most always resulted from something Buzz accused him of like in last nights case it was not taking out the trash, something he did do but Buzz brought the bags in right before the bear got home from the docks. When the boat was not out the bear still worked he just came home at night around five unless he stopped off at the old saloon aptly named by Shane cause, well, it just fit with the town.

He shut the shower off four minutes later quickly dried himself off with the towel then pulled his not so clean clothes on. He smelled the pits and shrugged figuring it wasn’t so bad he would be wearing his jacket anyways. He slipped on his socks and shoes then sat down bringing each foot in turn up onto the bench with him he tied them real tight hoping it would help reduce the smell emitted by his dirty socks from escaping out of the shoe.

He knew he would have to spend the afternoon looking for bottles cans and change so he could do a load of laundry as he was really starting to reek since it had been two weeks since he’d last scraped up enough money. Something he also kept in the more protected front pocket of his back pack. He had so far if he remembered correctly about two dollars meaning he needed two more. He’d chanced sneaking his laundry in with Buzz’s one time and was taught such a painful lesson he would never take that particular chance again.

He grabbed his bag and walked back to his locker shoving the work out clothes back in figuring if he got enough money that night he’d come back for these clothes. He walked over to the sinks where there were three propped on the wall side by side below a long mirror. He set his bag down on the edge of one and rummaged through it for his tooth brush and toothpaste which could be kept at home with little chance of it being stolen. Problem was to take that time in the bathroom meant more time and noise that could un-hibernate the bear. And there was the toothbrush incident of a few years back where Buzz had cleaned the toilet with another one he had, had and of course not told him til he had used it for a week.

He was given a tooth brush and toothpaste every year when the roaming dentist spent a week at the school giving free check ups and giving out tooth paste and tooth brushes. He hated that dentist aptly named stink fingers but did really appreciate the free goods which he doubted he would have otherwise.

He squeezed a large amount of the paste onto his brush after rinsing some sand from it then rinsed the brush again and scrubbed away at his teeth. His brush froze mid motion across his back teeth when he heard the locker room door open. He muttered a ‘fuck’ to himself realizing he’d dawdled just a bit too long, hearing a couple of the jocks mindless jabbering of the piece of whichever girl they got the night before.

He did one last quick swipe of his teeth rinsed out the brush and jammed that and the paste back in his bag quickly zipping the bag before any wandering eyes could see it’s contents.

He swung it over his shoulder and walked out of the little sink alcove where their eyes immediately fell on him and narrowed to small evil slits. “What did we tell you about using our locker room runt?” Bart Knowlton jeered smacking a fist into the palm of his other stretched out hand. Bart was the king of jocks, he was usually surrounded by a large group of jockettes which were nothing more then what a groupie is to a rock band. Course in the early morning in the boy’s locker room they were no where around.

Shane tightened his grip on the shoulder strap of his bag and swallowed hard not seeing any easy way out of this one. He was not even sure why he was trying to come up with some excuse he knew he was in for either way.

Bart advanced on him and Shane took a side step moving him one foot closer to the door which was in turn blocked off by Rodney Bardeaux whom Shane had aptly named pick cause he had caught him digging up into his nose on more then one occasion.

“Just let me be.” Shane spoke out knowing the plea was futile. “I promise I won’t do it again.” that was an outright lie what he was really promising was that he would not get caught again as he’d already decided to do 8 reps instead of ten on each machine from then on.

“You promised that before.” Bart advanced another step retreating Shane back one more where he came to a dead stop against the cool cement wall that if he had not been so panicked would have enjoyed against his bruised and aching back. “Seems you need to be taught not to come in here. Seems you don’t learn a lesson by it just being verbalized.” He advanced again this time less then an arm’s length form Shane.

Shane’s eyes darted past Bart to the door that led into the weight room he considered taking that door going through the weight room and into the girls locker room to get away but rescinded that thought quickly preferring to get this done with here and now then perhaps in the cafeteria with the whole school watching.

Bart’s fist lashed out and caught him in the side of the jaw which would have made Shane stumble back had he already not been up against a wall instead it only sent the back of his head smashing into the cement wall sending as much pain through that area as Bart’s fist had sent to his jaw.

This pain was taken over immensely by Bart’s knee making direct contact with his groin causing his knees to buckle and his arms to reflexively cover the afflicted area. He let out a small whimper going down wishing Old Shep to burst through the locker room door and grab onto Bart’s throat tearing the damn thing right out to leave bloody veins and a larynx or whatever hanging out through the gaping hole.

Bart’s fist made another contact with the side of his face just above the burning jaw sending one arm out away from his privates to catch himself from being knocked right over onto the floor.

Tears burned in his eyes not from the pain but from the shame he felt at just kneeling there letting this happen to him for maybe the thousandth time. He saw the fist come at him again out of his tear blurred eyes he quickly turned his head to one side to dodge it but suddenly it stopped. He turned his head back then up to see Bart’s arm being held back by Derek Kirk aptly named by Shane as the stud as that was exactly what he was in Shane’s eyes, Derek the stud, was one of the two people that made him sure he was gay. He was not king jock not the hottest guy in school but he had stuck up for Shane more then once. That in itself had turned Shane onto the guy and his looks were far from repelling he had a flock of his own Jockettes as a matter of fact which pretty much ensured Shane was not the only one who found him mysteriously attractive.

“Why you gotta be such an ass Bart?” he heard the stud say in his less then perfect English which was another reason Shane was attracted to him. He had a thing for dumb guys which the Stud displayed on a daily basis in class. The stud was seventeen and if kept in his own class would be a senior but through the years he had been held back twice for his not so smart brain.

“He was using our locker room again.” Bart was still trying to free his arm from the Stud’s grasp. Shane figuring he’d better get out of there before he got free slowly got to his feet his bang in the head making him a little dizzy it was not such an easy task.

“So what?” Stud said back. “He’s like a rodent you leave him alone and he’ll leave you alone.”

Shane got to his feet and chanced a quick glance at the Stud who was not looking back at him. Despite wanting to stick around and hearing more flattering compliments or rather look hornily at the Stud he scuttled over past Pick and out the locker room door. He knew the danger was not over that Bart would finish what he started as soon as Derek was no longer around.

He could almost sense breakfast coming from the cafeteria and his problems with Bart were forgotten. The school being in a very poor district offered free breakfast to all it’s students. Lunch was a different story but Shane still got free lunch based soley on his address as his father the Bear had never bothered to fill out any required paperwork. So for Shane that meant two solid meals a day. Something he did not have up until high school when the free breakfast program went into effect.

His pain nearly forgotten in his quest for food that he’d had very little of in the last week of vacation he headed down the long white hall to the cafeteria at the other end which already had a couple other hungry students there that morning. He walked through the 20 or so round tables surrounded by the school color green chairs. Something he figured was pretty corny but given where he was it fit right in.

He walked up to the table filled with fruit, cereal boxes, pints of milk, bottles of juice and bowls and spoons. He grabbed a bowl and spoon his usual box of honey nut Cheerios a pint of milk and a banana then went over and sat at his usual table which he solely occupied at breakfast and lunch. Being his table it had been written on by many other students stating his many less endearing qualities and titles. Scrawled most predominantly on the table that was contact papered to look like some dark wood in black indelible magic marker were the words Fag’s table.

That was one of the few things on the table that was actually spelled correctly. For instance written in what may have been red ink was the word homosexuals spelt out homasexules. No one based that on anything. Homosexual was just a derogatory term at Prescott Cove high. He had hidden his sexual preferences very well and did not really think any one was on to him.

There was also a rather crudely drawn picture of two men fucking doggie style the one on the bottom being rammed with perhaps the biggest dick ever proportionateley. He barely admitted it to himself but he found the picture strangely erotic despite it’s cartoonesque appearance the event depicted in it was arousing to him.

He put the cereal in the bowl and broke the banana up over it then drowned the whole thing in milk. He reached into his book bag which he had set beside him in the next chair then pulled the chair closer and pulled out his current English book which was a very worn out copy of Romeo and Juliet a book that he was really enjoying and for fun renamed as Romeo and Julien changing her name to that mannish name every time he came across it in the book.

English was the only class he liked and the only class he got above a C or D in every quarter. He cared very little about learning long equations or learning the table of elements he got bored long before he learned much and always tossed those books aside. His English books however seemed to absorb him into their worlds they were not all pretty but most all of them were better then his world with the exceptions of the world of Night by Eli Weisel and The Diary of Anne Frank.

By the time he finished his breakfast the cafeteria was swarming with people he took his bowl and spoon up to the counter then left the room. He went to his locker which also said fag on it. Most of the lockers were kept sealed with padlocks but he had no money for one and always opened his locker carefully never knowing what someone may have put there since he’d last opened it.

This morning it was clear just full of balled up papers books and notebooks. After grabbing his books for his first two classes, History and Algebra he walked into his first class and sat down as usual being the first one there.

The morning’s classes went smoothly with out any sight of Bart. Shortly after sitting down to his ‘fag table’ at lunch though Bart and Pick showed up. He was just lifting a fork ful of chop suey to his mouth when his tray was pushed abruptly sending it flying right off the table.

He quickly put the spoon in his mouth wanting to get at least that in before it was thrown into the wall as well as he knew he would get no food once he got home. His next meal would not be until the next morning’s free breakfast. He knew it made him look ridiculous to have to get that bite in but had to think on his own survival over his public image which as far as he was concerned would never change.

He pulled the spoon out just in time to avoid permanent maiming as Bart latched onto the back of his head and slammed it down into the table which had the spoon still been there would have sent it right out through the back of his throat. When he lifted his throbbing face back up off the table the neighboring tables were mostly laughing at him but Bart to his great relief was nowhere in sight.

The rest of the afternoon went downhill from there. With the last and most tragic event of that school day rearing it’s ugly head in last period his least favorite class, Chemistry.

Mrs. Narchek who he named bitch just cause she was one, eyed him evilly from the moment he walked in the door. She hated him he figured cause she had been dumb enough to date his father for a short spell. Shane would not have known this at all if it hadn’t been for her sudden hatred of him after they’d broke up and constantly telling him he was no better then his drunken father. The bear was a drunk but Shane himself had yet to taste one drop of this illicit liquid.

He had come to surmise after that and a few other comments that they had dated and however they had broken up was not very pleasant. He took his seat which was just about the middle of the class yet off to one side behind one of the long tables with a black weird sort of rubbery type top that if pressed hard enough actually would hold the indent for a full minute after the pressure was removed something he himself had timed with the aid of the clock with a second hand on the wall.

The class all arrived and she closed the door Shane was not alone at this table he shared it with a girl who he called peanut cause she was half the size of him and he was pretty damn small. The girl was actually pretty nice to him in those times they had to converse as they were lab partners. Ahead of them the reason for his choosing this particular seat was the Stud sitting in front of peanut next to a sophomore Jock.

From this angle he could look directly at The stud all class and everyone would just assume he was looking over his head at the teacher who lectured in the exact same spot between the two rows of tables each and every day. While only wandering away from it long enough to write something on the board or humiliate some withering student into oblivion. The Bitch did not single her hatred power out on him. Everyone in her class could fall victim to it at any given moment. Many kids had fled her room over the years with tears streaking down their faces.

Rumor had it one kid who would now be about five hundred if all the rumors were added up was up in the state hospital after one of her beratings.

He did not find it at all odd that the bitch ended up with the bear for no matter how brief a spell as far as he was concerned they were perfect for each other. It only saved some poor unsuspecting nice man from going out with her. He put his elbow up on the table and rested his ear down onto it ready for the forty five minutes of sight seeing.

He didn’t get to do that long before the bitch was looming over him with a pile of reports in her hand that had been handed in the day before Christmas break. She was about halfway through passing them out and apparently was up to his. “Shane Campbell, the world’s most inept student.”

The whole class chuckled which was allowed only in her beratings while Shane lifted his head off his hand swallowed hard and looked up at her.

“I’d think since you’ve got no friends you’d find time to put some effort into your studies.”

He swallowed hard again and chanced a quick glance around the room seeing what he already knew that every eye was on him. Even the stud whom he didn’t figure would save him this time as he’d endured too many of her beratings to open himself up for one more.

While he was chancing his glance she snatched his book bag out from between his arms. Panicking he reached out right after it and tried to grab it back. She pulled it way out of his arms reach and he contemplated standing right up and grabbing it but did not figure she would actually do what she did next.

She unzipped it in a flash. “Let’s just see what you got in here since it’s obvious you don’t use it for books.”

Shane nearly fell off his stool from shock as she tipped it upside down dropping out his baseballs, tennis balls, shells, cans to be redeemed, and dozens of small little trinkets kids had probably bought out of gum ball machines then lost at one place or another over the town that Shane had come across and added to his collection. He never played with any of these things he just liked to have them, liked to be able to say he had some belongings.

The class erupted in laughter at all his prized possessions his face turned red in embarrassment and his eyes filled with tears from his shame and hurt at everyone seeing his collection then everyone finding all his things so damn funny. He whimpered slightly then hurriedly started gathering up his things looking like maybe someone picking up spilt change on the street hurrying real fast before a car came along.

He was so intent of getting his things gathered and hidden he did not see or hear the front pocket of the bag being opened. The class around him filled with rejuvenated laughter and he glanced up at them quickly while still scurrying to get his things gathered his eyes wet from tears and wide from panicked humiliation.

He saw through his panic that they were not looking at him but past him and above his head. He turned to the bitch and saw hanging from one hand his picture of his mother and the other a page ripped from a magazine of his dream guy a boy maybe eighteen with no shirt and a wash board chest and stomach with shorts so low you could see the well defined muscles that led down to his pelvis and disappeared down the shorts just past a small outcropping of dark very curly pubic hair.

He gasped seeing it all rational thinking suddenly gone. He knew only one thought and that was to get his pictures out of everyone’s public view. He shot up from his chair his other belongings forgotten as his most valuable possessions were now at stake. He latched onto both pictures and yanked them down out of her hands. The magazine page ripped between his and the teachers hand while the picture of his mom thank god remained in tact.

He jammed the picture of his mother in his jacket pocket then glared back up at the bitch who had an immeasurable amount of satisfaction on her face. A look he needed to get off. Before thinking anything through he drew back his arm and brought the flat of his hand sailing forward slapping her so hard on the side of the face she jolted backwards and leaving his hand stinging. In the time it took her to regain some sense of composure he retook possession of his bag held it below the desk and swept his possessions off the desk getting most of them into the bag.

He started to bend down to pick up the rolling away balls but was hauled back up by the bitches iron grasp on his elbow. He caught sight of the class staring at him in a sort of awed shocked silence like how everyone had looked back when they had been in the eighth grade and all watched the space shuttle blow up together in class. Their mouths were hanging open and they were looking at him the same way they had looked at the TV that day as Miss Narchek dragged him by the elbow out of the room.

She slammed the door behind them so loud Shane glanced back expecting to see the glass window that took up a good portion of the top half of the door shattering into thousands of pieces.

His book bag not yet zipped was dragging along behind them on the floor in the fast pace he had to use to keep up with his trapped elbow he could not muster the coordination it took to pull the bag up and zip it. So instead he kept a close eye on it making sure nothing spilled out. He stumbled several times and thought he would lose his arm altogether as she kept on dragging him til he regained his footing.

He imagined the class was already abuzz with the actual knowledge they all now contained that he really was gay. He saw no way to explain the picture and knew even if he did come up with a good lie no one would listen to it or believe it. He looked from his bag up to the bitch whose face was not only red from where he’d slapped her which he as of yet felt in no way bad about but also from her anger which was evident in her flared nostrils and straight line set jaw. She was apparently so mad she’d not even come up with any more ways to berate him as she dragged him closer and closer to the principals office where he had no idea what fate would await him. Hitting a teacher as far as he knew had not yet been done if it had there were no survivors to pass on the tale.

He was slammed into a chair by the shoulders in the principals outer realm where two secretaries looked up from their keyboards to eye him grimacing from where he was smashed into the chair. With out any word to anyone the bitch walked right into the inner sanctum and slammed that door just as loudly as she had her classroom door.

Shane shrunk down in his seat his anger being replaced with fear as he heard her screaming very audibly through the closed door.

“That god damn son of a bitch slapped me. I want him out of this damn school little hoodlum will never amount to a thing anyways.”

He could hear the quiet murmur of a response from the principal none of which he could make out then her much quieter voice responding again with nothing able to be deciphered there either.

One of the secretaries the nicer of the two stood up from her desk and walked over to him. “Are you alright Shane?”

Shane looked up at her from his cowered down position in the chair and detected a look of concern in her eyes. Why she would suddenly be concerned for him he had no idea but he was in no mood for anyone’s concern or fake kindness towards him. He should have figured that would be the way people would start actually caring about him would be probably...he looked past her and checked the clock, one maybe two hours before his death. He didn’t figure the principal would kill him but was quite sure the Bear’s mauling would be fatal that afternoon.

The door to the inner sanctum opened and his attention was diverted from the clock to the bitch who sneered evilly at him as she stormed out of outer realm he looked back at the door where Principal Donald Mason was eyeing him in a mixed sort of look of disbelief and disappointment.

A look Shane took much more to heart then any of the other hundreds of dirty looks he got in a day because this man he liked. This man he actually cared about what his opinion of him might be.

Mr. Mason held up a hand then a finger moving it back and forth motioned Shane into his office. Shane shakily stood from the chair keeping the back of his knees against it as he shimmied between it and the secretary that was still giving him that weird look then turned his body towards the inner sanctum and walked in. He’d only been in the office a few times and never because he’d actually done anything wrong. Usually it was the result of a teacher pulling some bully off him then dragging both he and the bully to the office where Shane got to hear exactly what he’d done which were usually very creative lies to cause the latest attack.

The principal never seemed to believe any of these creative tales and that was just one more reason he liked this man. “Have a seat Shane.” He said motioning to one of the two wooden chairs that looked more like chairs you would see around a well to do families diningroom table then ones you would see in a principals office.

Shane sat down in the one nearest to him planted his feet and knees firmly together and placed his hands flat out on his thighs. He watched Mr. Mason out of the corner of his eye, round his desk and sit down in his own wooden chair this one having wheels on the bottom of it that squeaked as he pushed himself up behind his desk.

“What happened?”

Shane looked up at him directly to see his elbows up on the desk and his chin resting on his hand while his finger tapped rhythmically at his cheek. “I slapped Mrs. Narchek.” He said quietly figuring there was no use denying it as he’d heard that part of their conversation and he was not about to reveal the actual event of ripping the picture of his fantasy boyfriend was what set him off.

“What happened though Shane? I don’t suspect you just walked up to her and slapped her why did you do it?”

Shane pulled his bag up into his lap and held it tightly between his hands. “She took this.” He said looking down at it. “She opened it up and dumped it all over my desk.” Tears sprung back to his eyes the whole event humiliating him to the very core making him and his secret world feel totally exposed to all the very mean people he faced day after day.

“What’s in that bag Shane?” Don Mason asked knowing just by the way Shane was with the bag that it had to be something quite special to him.

Not wanting to expose himself to anyone else that day Shane closed his eyes and shook his head all the while holding the bag tighter against his chest so this time it would not be pulled away. He did not even dare move an arm away long enough to wipe his cheeks that were wet with hot tears.

“I have to call your dad Shane. It is never acceptable to strike a teacher no matter what the reason.”

He nodded already having figured this though it did little to keep the wave of terror at bay at just hearing the actual words spoke out loud.

“I am also suspending you for the rest of the week. You will not be allowed back til next Monday.”

He nodded again holding his jaw tightly in place to not cry out and start begging this man for a pardon as the seconds ticked closer to his own execution.

“You can wait in the outer office for your dad to come and get you.”

Shane’s eyes popped open. “I can walk I’ll go straight home I promise.”

“Sorry,” Mr. Mason said shaking his head. “I want to talk to him, he needs to come and pick you up.”

Shane stood from the chair with the help of one hand his legs to shaky to pull the feat off on their own. He sat in the outer sanctum literally shaking from head to toe. Long after the bell rang and dismissed school for the day his father stormed into the office gave him a severing look and was ushered into Mr. Mason’s office.

His shaking only got worse from that point on and the secretary with the fake concern asked him twice more if he was okay. He did not have it in him to give her any answer his fear was too great right then. He wouldn’t have put it past himself to blubber out everything that he had kept a secret so long. From his father’s continual physical abuse to his constant verbal abuse to his brother’s physical, verbal and sexual abuse. He had no doubt it was all abuse his only doubt was whether he deserved it or not.

His father stormed out of the principal’s office ten minutes later snatched Shane up by the hair and half pushed him half dragged him out of the school where he shoved him roughly up into the truck Shane had aptly named the old rust bucket. It was a twenty year old ford pickup that in it’s hey day was green like the school colors but was now more rust red then anything else only small patches of the deep green could still be seen in the dense rust.

The bear stomped around the truck as Shane watched seeing the bear growling out some words his red face contorted in rage. He lumbered up into the drivers seat which was the same seat Shane was on as it was a bench seat. The seat trounced up and down as he sat on it as well as the rest of the truck which Shane assumed had no shocks at all left it as riding in the thing was like riding down a rock canyon on a metal wheel.

He slammed the door loudly causing Shane to jump even before his fist shot out and caught him on the same side of the face that Bart’s fist had nailed that morning. He did not speak until the old Rust bucket roared to life sounding like a mix between a outboard motor and someone firing off several shot guns at the same time.

It backfired three times on it’s voyage out of the parking lot but Shane had no trouble hearing his father’s very loud and angry voice over the ear splitting noise of the truck.

“What the hell were you thinking you God Damned No brain fuck.” he shot his fist out again sending Shane’s head smashing into the side window. “You wait you worthless pile of shit. You are gonna feel damn lucky you got a week off from school cause after I get through hiding your ass you ain’t gonna be able to sit down for a week. And you won’t get the chance. You will work with me on the docks from sun up til sun down and when we go out on Friday I will leave a list of chores for you so big you won’t have time to do anything else. If they are not done when I get home on Monday I will hide your ass again.” The rest of the five minute trip home Shane was punched at least ten times from his stomach all the way up to his face.

He knew the worst was yet to come, his father’s hiding’s were just that. He had no doubt in the fact he would not sit for a week as it took nearly that long for his ass to scab over and that didn’t take into consideration the bruises that would keep it still tender for a good week after the first week.

He parked the rust bucket in the driveway that was pretty much exactly the same length and width as the truck. Shane got out and his father was immediately on him grabbing him by the hair again he dragged him up into the trailer with the one hand while undoing his belt with the other.

“Take off your pants!” the bear ordered after shoving Shane halfway across the room. Shane did as he was told tears of dread coursing down his cheeks as he kicked his pants off one leg at a time. He was taken by the hair again and led into his father’s room the old bear cave itself the cave he was only allowed in for a good hiding.

He was pushed down onto the bed face first the bear grabbed one of his arms and stretched it up to the bedpost he pulled a nylon strap out from under the mattress and secured Shane’s trembling wrist tightly to the bed post with the strap. He then grabbed an ankle and strapped it with another nylon strap to the bottom post then walked along the bottom of the queen size bed dragging another ankle along with him leaving Shane full spread eagled while his other ankle was tied to the opposite post. Last to get tied up was his right wrist which he had to let happen there was no point in fighting it there never was.

He buried his face in between the two pillows at the head of the bed feeling the cold breeze coming from the badly insulated tin walls of the shack they lived in. It danced along his legs, ass and extremely exposed crotch bringing up goose pimples that inevitably any moment now would be beaten back down. The bear grabbed his shirt bottom and yarned it up roughly over his back bunching it up at his neck.

He heard the belt snap against itself a few times something the bear seemed to do to what? Prime it? Intimidate him more? He never knew but the bear always did it.

Donald Mason walked out of his office shortly after Shane’s father Roger Campbell left with Shane and walked down to the gymnasium where basketball practice was well under way. Rick Sumner the coach saw him walk in and walked over to him. “What’s up?” He asked in his usual laid back greeting.

“I need to talk to Derek for a minute, do you mind?”

“No, not at all he knows these drills.” He put his whistle to his mouth and blew and just as though he’d pressed a button on a VCR everyone in the gym paused and looked over at him. “Derek,” He said waving him over. “Principal needs to see you.”

Derek who currently had the ball in hand bounced it over to Rodney and followed the principal out of the gym and back to his office. He sat in the same seat Shane had an hour before while the principal retook his seat behind the desk.

“I want you to tell me exactly what happened in Chemistry class this after noon.”

Derek’s eyes widened. “That god damn bitch...”

Mr. Mason held up his hand. “I don’t need your opinion I just need to know what happened.”

He rolled his eyes and wiped a sheen of sweat off his forehead with his arm. “I guess Shane didn’t do to good on his paper. She was handing ‘em back and when she got to his she stood over she called him in depth...” He stopped and shook his head putting on a look that if Shane hadn’t had the hots for him would have aptly named him the buffoon because of it. “Not in depth in...” he scratched at his head and looked off at the wall like the answer may somehow appear there. “Inept?” He looked over at the principal. “Is that a word.”

Donald tapping his pen against the desk nodded a single nod and waited for Derek to continue. “She then wondered aloud why Shane couldn’t get a good grade cause he had no friends and should have time to do his work.”

Donald nodded again his chest starting to burn with anger.

“Then she grabbed his bag and dumped it out all over his desk.” he leaned forward and looked at the principal like maybe he was scared to ask what he was about to ask. “Is Shane okay? I mean is he maybe a little crazy?” He asked making a circular motion with his finger around his temple.

“Why do you say that?”

“Cause of what was in his bag.”

“What was in his bag?”

“All these balls, baseballs, golf balls, tennis balls really old and worn out balls like they had been chewed by dogs, those high bouncy balls. Little ring things that looked like maybe they were the remnants of those big candy diamond rings that you suck on.” He said putting his hand to his mouth and making a sucking motion with his face like maybe the principal needed an actual example of what he was talking about. “There was some string, some empty soda cans, a little mini snow globe, a couple little rubber or plastic men like you’d get at the grocery store out of the machines.” He made a turning motion with his hand like he was turning the crank that dropped the toy from the glass case down to the chute for the kid to retrieve.

“There were sea shells, rocks, a dried up star fish.”

Mr. Mason shook his head in amazement of what was in the bag as well as amazement that Derek the dimwit had remembered all this stuff so well as usually he had trouble spelling his own name right which was a bit of an exaggeration but not much. “Okay,” He held up his hand. “I get the point.”

“No but wait. While he was picking all that stuff up off the desk the bitch,” He stopped and put his hand over his mouth. “I mean Mrs. Narchek opened the front pocket of the bag. She pulled out a picture of a woman a photograph, you know like one you would get from a camera.”

Donald nodded again knowing what a photograph was.

“And also a picture from a magazine of some half nude young guy. You think he’s queer?” He asked cocking his head to one side and looking at the principal curiously.

“I don’t think that matters much do you?” Donald asked knowing it probably would matter very much to all the kids in school and knowing the incident would only bring Shane more abuse from his fellow classmates.

Derek shrugged though he seemed real deep in thought about something. “Well anyways, he stood up and grabbed for his pictures ripping the boy one in half cause she didn’t let go of it. Next thing I knows he drew back and slapped her. He then gathers up his things and she hauls him out of the room.” Derek shrugged indicating that was all the news he had of the event he was sure would make the Prescott High record books. One he could proudly state he was an actual witness to.

“Well thank you Derek, you can go back to practice now.” He got up and followed Derek out of the office but took a right in the hall while Derek took a left. He walked nearly to the cafeteria and took another right into Miss Narchek’s class. She was sitting rigidly at her desk marking some poor soul’s paper angrily.

Don walked up to her desk and she looked up at him with piercing eyes. “I hope you expelled him.”

“No I didn’t expel him.” he shook his head and leaned back against the table directly in front of her desk his anger towards her was dangerously high and he had to take a deep breath so it would not come pouring out in an inappropriate way. “Seems you left out quite a bit of what happened in here.” He gestured with his head to the back of the room catching a glimpse of a chewed up tennis ball caught under a section of cupboards he walked over and picked it up. His heart ached as he looked at it thinking of Shane being so totally humiliated in this room nearly two hours earlier.

“I did nothing wrong.” She quipped straightening out her back and broadening her shoulders.

“Opening a kids bag and dumping it’s contents out in front of an entire classroom is against his right of privacy.”

“So are you saying he had a right to slap me?”

“No I am not saying that. I am saying that what you did was just as wrong as what he did. If there were any way for me to suspend you too I would but seeing’s how this district has no substitutes I have no choice but to keep you on. If you pull any crap like that again though I will fire you replacement or no replacement.”

She stood up from her desk while slamming her fists down on it at the same time. “That kid doesn’t belong here. He’s crazy as hell can’t you see that.” she said pointing to the ball in Don’s hand.

“What is that based on exactly?” he crossed his arms across his chest nearly daring her to answer.

“Just look at him Don, Jesus Christ he never takes his jacket off, he never talks to anyone, he carries that damn bag around like it’s a real live baby or something. And now that I know what’s actually in it I’m even more sure he’s crazy.”

Don swallowed hard his face hot and he imagined quite red at this point. “No one talks to him Pam, he’s the poorest kid in this damn school and those things in his bag are probably real important to him. He has no belongings he has no clothes of his own he doesn’t dress that way willingly. That photograph you so coldly displayed to everyone was probably one of his dead mother. Something I’m sure is very sentimental and very important to him.” He shook his head and looked at her with a look he hoped would display how disappointed he was in her. “Did you grow up without a mother?”

Mrs Narchek shook her head her mouth apparently tired of spouting off for now.

“Well then maybe you shouldn’t call him crazy for maybe being a little quieter then everyone else. I’d think you’d like it.” he turned and started to walk off then turned back and pointed a finger at her. “I want you to lay off him when he gets back here next week. I mean it.”

Shane was half conscious on his father’s bed his body on fire. The room was silent now no longer filled with the sounds of his cries or the loud SMACK of the belt beating against his flesh.

Roger Campbell put the hot belt back through it’s loops around his waist while breathing heavy and sweating profusely. “You stay here you God Damn little Fuck. Think about what you’ve done and why you deserve this and every other thing I do to you and don’t do for you. Maybe after a while it will sink into that thick skull of yours. Maybe when I get back from the bar if I feel like it I’ll let you up. If I don’t feel like it maybe I’ll just hide you again.” he walked over to the window and opened it letting a large gush of freezing air into the room. “Try and keep warm.” He shot back at his son who lay limp bruised and bleeding on the bed. He chuckled evilly then left the room slamming the door behind him.

By an hour later Shane was fully conscious and down right freezing on the bed which he was actually welcoming as it numbed some of the pain that stretched from the back of his thighs up to his shoulder blades. He’d lost count of how many times the belt came down on him after fifty his mind gone delirious from the pain so much so that counting had not been an option.

He lifted his face out of the pillow and turned it back to the door where Austin had just walked in grinning at him maliciously. “What did you do this time?”

Shane sank his face back between the pillows his rectum already spasming in dread at what was sure to come next.

“You’re such a shit Shane. If you had any brains you would get the hell out of here. No one wants you. Hell if dad didn’t enjoy beating on you so much he’d have kicked you out on your ass years ago.”

Though he’d heard these same words millions of times they still hurt. Hurt because he knew they were true and no matter how much he tried to deny it all it always proved itself. He pressed his face further into the pillow after hearing The Buzz’s fly unzip and the sound of pants dropping to the floor. The bed sagged down as his brothers weight was added to it.