Shane - 13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13
Two weeks later Larry Minot walked back down the stairs and joined Don and Tad in the livingroom. He sat down in the chair he’d been occupying for two weeks after his talks with Shane. He put his hand on his forehead then dropped it down to his lap and let out a long sigh.

“He’s not getting any better and he’s still not talking to me.” he leaned forward and held up a chubby finger that was chubby like the rest of his body. Not all out fat just what some people would call pleasingly plump. “But in all his pointless rambling I think I’ve cracked a clue.”

Don and Tad both leaned forward as well as this was the first clue anyone had cracked.

“We already know he has low self esteem issues. But I think we were all misjudging just how low they actually are. I get the feeling he’s hiding up there in his room cause he doesn’t want you guys to see anything about him you don’t like and in turn kick him out. He’s keeping his opinions and his feeling to himself cause he thinks they are worthless and stupid and will only be rejected if someone actually sees him that closely.”

Don ran his hand down over his face and shook his head. “What do we do?”

“He’s got to have proof that he’s not as bad as he thinks he is. He’s got to see he’s not a freak. I think you should start making him get up. Keep him around the house or just outside at first but get him doing things. Keep his mind busy with goals he could feel proud of himself of in the end. Like making a garden, building a dog house. Something where he can easily see the results of his work.”

Don and Tad both nodded feeling that was a very good idea they had not liked the whole let him be idea much at all.

“He may not be too happy with being forced out of bed every day at first but in time when he’s feeling better he just may thank you.”

After seeing Larry to the door Tad sat back down by Don on the couch. He looked over at the grandfather clock in the corner then back at Don. “Well it’s only noon now. Let’s drag him down here for some lunch and start with a walk on the beach.”

Don nodded. “Sounds good. You get lunch I’ll get Shane.” He pecked him on the lips then took off up the stairs. Shane was not in his room and he walked over to the bathroom and could hear the shower running. He looked down at his feet and could see Shep’s tongue darting out under the door apparently sensing he was there. Don smiled and shook his head the dog only having proved how smart he was to everyone over the past couple of weeks.

His main concern was most obviously Shane he was never more then a few feet from him and doted over him more then a mother over a newborn. They all suspected the dog was fully aware of what Shane had lived through and was making his job to see anything like that never happened again. He imagined if the dog hadn’t been tied up all those years Roger would have been the victim of a vicious dog attack maybe even fatal one.

He went back to Shane’s room and made up the bed then sat on it and waited another couple minutes before Shane walked in, in a Tank top and shorts. Tad and Don had picked out a few clothes for him wanting to wait to get the bulk of them when Shane could pick them out himself.

Shane stopped and looked at him just inside the door. “You’ll want to put your shoes on too. We are gonna go for a walk today. It’s way too nice a day to spend in bed.”

He did not look one bit happy about this but went to the closet and pulled out his new pair of Reebok’s. He sat on the floor and spent a few minutes lacing them up as they were not laced at all from never being worn. Shep of course ‘observed’. Shane looked up while tying. “Can he come too?” he asked nodding to Shep.

“Of course.”

“You sure say ‘of course’ a lot.”

“Does it bug you?”

Shane shrugged and shook his head though he was beginning to wonder if he’d ever be told ‘no’ in this place. “Tad coming too?”

Don nodded.

Shane stood up and adjusted his feet a few times getting the feel of his new shoes. He looked down at Shep who was adjusting his own feet excitedly and looking up into Shane’s face. “Get your ball.”

Shep nearly did a somersault in turning around then ran to the other side of the room he stuck his head under the bed and came back out with the ball a second later. Don shook his head again amazed with the dog and stood up.

They had sandwiches and Soda Shane eyeing them both curiously looking from them to Shep. He wanted to test out something but was scared to death to do it but at the same time a little scared not to. He reached into his sandwich and pulled out a good size chunk of Macaroni and cheese loaf held it up in the air making sure Tad and Don saw it then held it over to Shep who snatched it into his jaws.

“What are you doing?” Tad asked definitely befuddled.

“Do you not like it when I feed the dog at the table?” Shane was eyeing him so closely it made both Tad and Don a little nervous.

“No not really.”

“So then you would yell at me if I did?”

“Well I wouldn’t yell Shane. I’d just ask you not to.”

Shane considered this for few minutes remembering his mother of his dreams never really ‘yelled’ so to say in his dreams at feeding the dog at the table but she certainly made it known she did not like it. He pulled another piece of meat out of his sandwich and fed it to Shep then looked immediately at Tad who looked more confused now then anything.

His heart sank a bit and he furrowed his brow.

Tad started to grin a bit. “Do you want me to yell at you or something?” It was the only way he could come up with to explain Shane’s peculiar expression.

Shane shrugged it off having no intention of saying what he was up to. He noticed the look Don and Tad exchanged and wanted to retreat back to his room as apparently he’d already annoyed them. He took another bite forcing himself to stay though the rest of the sandwich tasted like little more then rubber.

The rubber taste reminded him of Sam he and was instantly off in a day dream. He missed Sam terribly but still knew he was doing what was right. He only wished things could have been different. He was horny as hell which was the only reason he’d started showering again. It hid the evidence of his nightly jerk off sessions and he wanted neither Tad or Don to realize what a pervert he was. He figured he was safe from Medusa now but even if he hadn’t been sure he probably would still be showering since his strive to hide his shame was his most important goal now.

He jerked his arm violently to one side feeling someone touching him. He was so lost in his day dream he’d totally forgotten where he was. His arm in it’s moving across the table knocked his soda over and sent it splashing all over the table then dripping down to the floor.

He jumped up from the table at the same time Tad did. He grabbed his napkin and made a dam to stop it from dripping onto the floor then stood there helpless having nothing else to wipe it with.

Tears burned at his eyes wondering why he was ever let out into public in the first place. Tad returned to the room with two towels and put one on the floor and one on the table. Shane stepped back to make a quick retreat to his room, he stumbled over Shep and fell backwards smashing into the wall on the way down. His tears came out in earnest at his inability to even walk right.

Don was up from his chair and leaning over him in an instant. “Shane are you okay?” he reached out and held his wrist.

Shane quickly pulled it away cursing his tears as much as himself. “Don’t touch me.” he was angry and it was coming out in his voice. He hated that cause he knew he was only mad at himself and didn’t need to add to this fiasco by being an ass to Don. Before he could make things any worse he rolled onto his stomach quickly got to his knees and ran upstairs. Shep was on his heels and once his tail cleared the bedroom door he slammed it with all his might.

He threw himself on the floor and started banging his head into it trying to knock some sense into himself as he could apparently not even act like a decent human being anymore no matter how hard he tried. He punched himself in his sides while his head nailed the floor.

Shep was barking over him and he told him to shut up repeatedly. Shep stopped barking and latched onto the back of Shane’s shirt by the neck. He pulled up and back now growling.

Don ran into the room saw what was going on and called to Tad. He got on the floor in front of Shane and held his forehead up off the ground with one hand and stopped a fist from punching himself with the other. Shane cried and struggled against him but didn’t make any move to hit him to get free. Tad ran into the room and knelt down by Don holding Shane’s other arm firmly

After several minutes Shane exhausted himself and lay still on the floor. Don looked over at Tad. “Maybe you better call Larry.”

Tad nodded in full agreeance. He got up and left the room again coming back a couple minutes later where Don had rolled Shane over and was stroking his hand across a red and bruising forehead. His nose was bleeding or had been as it looked like the blood that was below his nose was already congealed. Shane’s eyes were open but he looked too exhausted to talk.

Don put his hands up under Shane’s armpits and pulled him back across the floor. He lowered him down so his head and shoulders were on his lap and wiped at his own eyes so the tears that were falling would not land on Shane’s face. “Is he coming?” Don asked looking up at Tad who knelt down by Shane’s side.

“He’s on his way.”

Shane kinda moaned and a single tear slide down the side of his face over his temple. “I don’t want to talk to that man.” he said very quietly.

Tad put his hand on Shane’s chest and looked into his desperate eyes. “You have to Shane. You need to work out whatever is going on in your head. You don’t really want to hate yourself forever do you?”

Shane turned his head and faced the wall knowing no matter how much he talked to that man that drilled him with questions every other day he would not ever stop hating himself.

He rolled over and got on his knees then stood and walked over to the bed he unmade it then crawled under the covers burying himself despite the incredible heat in the room from the incredibly hot mid June day.

It was three days later before they got Shane to leave his room again. This time they fed him breakfast in bed then forced him into the shower which didn’t really take much forcing.

Once he came downstairs they walked out of the house and out behind it. Shane stopped at the edge of lawn and took a long deep breath. Out before him was ocean as far as his eyes could see. Beautiful blue ocean with white caps where it passed over rocks or crashed into them below. About one hundred feet directly below the rock cliff they were standing on was a mostly sand beach with a few large rocks scattered here and there across it.

“Well what do you think?” Tad asked seeing Shane looked mesmerized.

Shane shook his head finding himself quite speechless. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “I didn’t know you guys lived right on the ocean.” He wondered how he could be so dumb as to not to know he’d been there a month plus a week back in winter.

“Come on.” Don said. Taking him by the elbow he led him over to a long and winding stairway that went down the side of the cliff. He’d not really let Shane out of his sight in the last three days. Even when he slept at night Don checked on him every hour. Larry had said he probably would try and hurt himself again. That he thought he would only do it when he was frustrated but the fact he’d done it once he just didn’t think it would be an isolated incident.

He had a couple explanations for it. Neither of which Don had liked the sounds of.

They started down the stairs Tad in front Shane behind him then Don with Shep bringing up the rear his ball in his mouth apparently hoping for a good game of fetch. He watched the back of Shane’s head wishing he could get in there himself and straighten it out.

Larry’s first explanation for Shane’s behavior was that he was just plain pissed at himself for the incident at lunch prior to it. He said Shane probably felt he was incapable of being in human contact but was trying to put up a good front. When he’d spilled his soda then fell he had thought he couldn’t even manage that and was so pissed from that and all the other things he had to be pissed about that it got completely out of control and he had an all out temper tantrum.

The other explanation was that Shane had been punished for so long so often that he still felt he needed to be punished and since no one was around to do it he was gonna take on the roll himself.

Larry had only reinforced his earlier notion of forcing Shane out of the house and getting him doing things that would interest him. To get his mind off his anger, he said that would be handled in sessions and didn’t need to be dwelled on which was what Shane seemed to be doing day after day in bed.

They reached the beach and Shep immediately dropped his ball at Shane’s feet. Shane reached down and picked it up without taking his eyes off the ocean. He was completely mesmerized by it. Even back on his beach in Prescott Cove there were islands marring the view, but here there was nothing but vast ocean. The cool breeze was stronger here too. And the smell of cool salt air was making him feel better then he had in months.

He drew his arm back and tossed the ball with all his strength Shep bounded off after it and he smiled god damn glad he and Shep were together now. They walked down the beach Tad and Don talking non stop about things that had happened on the beach while they’d lived there. Such as finding a baby seal, a yacht crashing to shore in a strong winter storm, and the time the water was so high it went up to the tenth stair that wound up the side of the cliff.

“Could you imagine,” Shane said excitedly. “If the water just went to the top of the cliff. If you got up one day and it was just up there?” he was looking up to the top of the cliff then shivered thinking maybe that would be kinda scary.

After leaving the beach a couple hours later they sat in chairs up on the cliff over looking the water. “You’ve got to decide something Shane.” Don said looking over at him beside him stroking Shep’s head that was resting on his thigh.

“I want to stay here.” Shane said quickly not taking his eyes from the water. “I know I’ve been bad but I’ll be better I promise.” as he spoke tears started down his face again. “Please don’t make me leave.” He did not want to leave this ocean and would do whatever it took to get to stay plan or no plan.

Don looked over at Tad wanting to smack himself upside the head for wording his statement like that. “We don’t want you to leave Shane I told you, you are gonna stay here from now on. You could scream and yell and burn the house down but we’d still want you around.” He reached out and took Shane’s trembling hand. “Please don’t burn it down though.”

Through his misery Shane grinned. God he liked this man. He just wish he were worthy of all his kindness.

“What we merely want you to decide is what you want to do. Something that you are interested to keep you out of your damn room and your mind occupied with other things. I have a couple suggestions.”

Shane looked over at him curiously thinking perhaps this was a good idea.

“First one is to build a dog house for Shep.”

“You ain’t gonna make him sleep outside are you?” he asked not even trying to hide his panic.

“No of course not. But don’t you think it would be nice for him to have his own little place to go? What’s he gonna do all day when I go back to work and you go back to school in the fall.”

Shane’s eyes widened as his panic deepened. “I don’t wanna go back to school sir, I hate that place.”

“I know, but you won’t be going to the same school. You will be going to the one if Cliff side.”

“You mean the tourist town that is a gay mecca?”

Tad chuckled. “Where in hell did you hear that?”

Shane turned and looked at Tad. “Seth Greenway. He’s Matt’s boyfriend he goes to school there. Say’s it’s great. Says compared to Prescott Cove it’s like a mecca of gays.”

“Well there certainly are more, and they certainly are much more tolerable even downright friendly.” Tad smiled fondly realizing whoever this Seth Greenway was he was right. “Yes, I guess you could call it a mecca and it’s definitely a tourist town.”

“You work there then?”

“Yes, I own an antique shop. We have it all planned out. You can ride with me to school in the morning then come to my shop when school let’s out. Unless of course you want to go out with your friends but you’ll have to meet me there by five thirty to get a ride home.”

Shane nodded and looked back out at the ocean knowing he would just go to the shop cause mecca or no mecca he didn’t expect to have any friends. He turned back to Don. “What’s my other choice?”

“Plant a garden.”

Shane’s eyes lit up. That would be fun. “Do I have to choose or can I do both?”

“Both.” Don smiled unable to hide his excitement at Shane’s willing ness even apparent joy at doing these things.

That very afternoon they went into town and Shane picked out several flowers for his garden listening intently to what the nursery owner said about perennials and annuals. He decided to go with perennials so he could redesign his garden every spring and picked out several brightly colored flowers as well as some greenery to fill in.

For three days he worked steadily from after breakfast til around five. He started by taking away the grass with a spade and wheelbarrow leaving himself a good six by six foot garden close enough to the edge of the cliff so he could see the ocean and feel it’s breeze while he worked but not so close that the flowers would lose nutrients in the dried out sides of it.

He softened the soil working it with a hoe and three pronged rake for an entire day then worked in fertilizer the next entire morning. At lunch he was down right bubbly in his behavior rambling on and on how he was ready to put the flowers in. Don listened intently thinking Shane sounded very much like a little boy deciding what he wanted for Christmas presents in the way he described how he would arrange his flowers.

The next day at shortly after eleven seeing from the kitchen window that Shane was putting his last flower in Don walked out of the house and over to his garden. The flowers were arranged geometrically around the garden the most contrasting colors closest together. There were blues, purples, yellows, oranges, reds and the green. It was an extremely beautiful garden with not one bit of earth showing down between the flowers.

Shane mounded the dirt around the last planted flower. “It’s very beautiful Shane.”

Shane’s head shot up his eyes narrowed and his jaw set in a straight line. “Shut the f**k up.” He stood threw his hoe across the lawn then stormed down the steps on the side of the cliff Don hearing him mumbling curse words til he was out of earshot.

Don walked to the cliff’s edge and watched Shane throw the ball to Shep for a good half hour. He hated to see Shane go through this hell of his moods changing so fast no one was ever prepared. He imagined Shane himself was not prepared for them and had little control over them at this point in his therapy.

Larry said it was damn near impossible for him to focus his anger until he started to communicate so they could work through just who he should be angry at. Until that time, Larry had said, he’s gonna continue to be mad at himself.

Don walked back into the house sure he was gonna be eating lunch alone. He was halfway through his sandwich when a knock came on the door. He called out for whoever it was to come in then looked over at the doorway.

He smiled happily seeing Matt Whitney walk in with another very handsome young man. “Hey,” He said motioning them over to the table. “I was thinking you’d dropped off the face of the earth.”

Matt smiled apologetically pulled out a chair for his friend then sat down in the next over. “Sir this is Seth, my...well partner as you old people call it.”

Don grinned and shook Seth’s hand. “My name is Don not sir, I’ve heard Shane mention your name. What grade you in?”

“Gonna be a senior come fall.” Seth in Don’s eyes was one very gorgeous young man. If he were twenty years younger he knew he’d be drooling all over this well tanned strong featured and muscular young man. Matt himself was very nice looking one of the cutest Don had always thought of the kids at Prescott High but compared to Seth even he looked a little plain.

“Shane is gonna be going to your school this year.”

Seth’s face immediately lit up. “Well that’s great news.” Then apparently knowing where Don was heading said. “Don’t you worry sir, I’ll keep my eye on him make sure he gets some good friends and doesn’t get picked on by the few asses there.”

Don smiled liking Seth as much as he had like Matt and Sam. “Shane is down on the water. He’s pissed off today I’m afraid so if you are gonna go talk to him use caution.”

“How’s he doing?” Matt asked cautiously.

“He’s had good days and bad days. He’s not talking out his problems so progress has been real slow.”

Matt nodded looking understandably worried. He started to stand from the table along with Seth then looked back down at Don. “What’s all that lumber for outside? Are you building something?”

“Shane is gonna build a dog house.”

“Oh yeah,” Matt’s eyes lit up. “You spose he’d let me help? I love building stuff.”

“I don’t know you are gonna have to ask him. Press him on it though, I’m sure he could use some help.”

Matt nodded took Seth’s hand and they left the house. Don got up and went and looked out the kitchen window. He smiled as they walked side by side their hands tightly clasped together. They were a stunning couple and he remembered how he and Tad had been when they were only a little older then these two.

He watched them stop and look at the flower garden then look at each other and smile he was pretty sure they found it as beautiful as he had.

Shane was in mid throw when he heard someone come up behind him. He turned his head his arm still in mid air with Shep still staring anxiously at the ball in his hand.

Seth and Matt walked up and stopped beside him. Shane turned his face forward and wound the ball out for Shep. “What are you doing here?” he asked trying like hell to keep his voice neutral.

“We just came to visit. I’ve been meaning to come out. This is the first chance I got.”

Shep bounded back with the ball and Shane took it from his mouth as he nodded. He didn’t really want to see these boys their presence just reminding him of how much he missed Sam. He flinched when Matt said his name.

“Sam says you won’t talk to him.” his voice was cautious though still very kind. “He’s real upset. You know he loves you a whole lot.”

Shane snapped his head over in Matt’s direction and glared at him. “I already told Sam the way it has to be and I don’t feel like f**king rehashing it all with you.”

Matt nodded and smiled what he hoped was a casual smile. “Sorry Shane just thought you might like to know.”

Taking the ball back from Shep’s mouth he threw it out again. “So what do you want?” he kept his eyes on Shep knowing he would have more trouble being cool to them if he were looking at them.

“Just to visit Shane. Geez would you stop being such an ass. We wouldn’t show up here if we didn’t like you. I don’t know what is going on in your head but I can assure you we are not here to mess with you or run back to Sam with a report.”

Shane glared at him again. “If you don’t like it leave. I didn’t want you to f**king show up in the first place.”

“Alright Shane. I’ll come by tomorrow.”

Shane shook his head and walked off down the beach when Matt and Seth reached the top of the stairs and stepped onto the grass they looked back down at him. He was now sitting on the sand his knees pulled up to his chest with his face buried between his knees. Even from their great distance they could tell he was crying.

Matt looked back at Seth his own eyes moist. Seth put his hand on Matt’s shoulder. “He just needs time Matt. He’s been through a lot. No one could come away from it smelling like a rose.”

So Matt showed up the very next day at nine o’clock in the morning. Shane was in the yard looking over the lumber and scratching his ear. He looked over at Matt as he got out of the car and Matt saw immediately he didn’t seem as pissed as he was the day before.

“Hi,” He said as chipper as his nerves would allow as he walked up on the opposite side of the lumber as Shane.

“Hi,” Shane looked at him another second then down at the wood. “You know how to make a dog house?” His voice was quiet, fearful even but he felt real bad about the day before and was starting to think if these people kept showing up despite how he was that maybe he shouldn’t be so rude to them. He had decided if Matt showed up today as promised he would be nice to him. Problem was he hadn’t expected Matt to show up and was more then a little shocked.

“Well yes,” Matt said floored and relieved. “I’ve made a few in my day.”

Shane looked up at him cocked his head to one side and smiled. A smile Matt had been afraid he would never see again. “I don’t think he’d be in it much.” he nodded down to shep who was chewing on a rawhide bone that Tad had bought him. “But I’m supposed to be doing crap to keep busy.” He grinned again and scratched his temple. “But I don’t even know what to do first.”

“First you need a plan.” Matt put a foot up on the stack of lumber and leaned down onto his thigh. “You know draw out what you want it to look like and what size you want everything.” He paused and looked down at his crotch where Shane was staring. “What?”

“You know,” Shane turned his head and chuckled. “If you are gonna wear shorts and stand like that you should really consider wearing underpants.”

Matt looked down further then reached a hand up feeling he was hanging out a little. He turned red and put his foot down. “I was just trying to cheer you up.”

Shane laughed harder his own face very red. “I think it worked.”

Matt laughed too though he was more embarrassed then anything but it was sure good to see Shane laughing he didn’t remember ever seeing that. “Come on,” Matt said walking around the lumber. “Let’s go in and draw up those plans. I promise to keep myself contained.”

Shane chuckled again and led him inside. “Don,” He called out as they entered the house. Don poked his head out of a room off the livingroom.

“Yeah?”

“Do you got any paper and a couple pencils?”

“Sure,” his head popped back out of view then he walked out of the room a minute later with a notebook and two pencils. “What are you up to?”

“We gotta draw up what we want the house to look like.”

“Good idea.” he handed the supplies over smiled quickly at Matt then returned to his office.

Matt and Shane sat down at the kitchen table while Shep laid at Shane’s feet still gnawing on his bone. “Maybe we should make it look a little like this place. You know the same colors with like a turret or something.”

“We can do that.” Matt said thinking that wouldn’t be too hard.

Shane started drawing asking for advice frequently. He kept making a pained expression and after about the dozenth time Matt asked him what was up.

“What do you mean?” he asked curiously.

“You keep making a funny face.”

Shane scrunched up his face and furrowed his brow. “Like this?”

“Yes,” Matt chuckled.

“I just hate that noise,” He pointed his finger down at the table where Shep was gnawing underneath. “It grosses me out.” He grimaced a bit realizing he’d just said something about himself then looked over and studied Matt for some sort of reaction.

Matt merely smiled and agreed with him and he sighed with relief.

Matt showed up every day for two weeks most days bringing Seth with him. They all worked diligently on the dog house Don watched them from his office window for hours at a time. While they talked, laughed and worked. When the house was up they spent days painting it and when it was finished it was a small replica of the house.

Shane’s mood swings decreased dramatically during that time and when it came time for Tad and Don to go on their annual camping trip with their friends they felt Shane was more then ready to leave the house. They sat him down three days before the trip and told him.

“You mean camping like on a lake in tents and stuff?”

“Yes, a river though. We canoe up a river and camp in different spots every night. We are gone two weeks, we eat a lot, drink a lot and have a hell of a lot of fun.”

“Can shep come too?”

“Of course.”

Shane chuckled at another one of Don’s of courses.

“So tomorrow we have to go out and get you geared up for the trip. New clothes new shoes a tent, sleeping bag, canteen, back pack. The works.”

“You think maybe I’ll build some muscle on this trip?”

“Sure as shit.” Tad said grinning elated that Shane was concerned once again about his appearance. “You’ll be calling yourself the stud by the end of summer.”

Shane blushed and looked at Don. “You told him about my names?”

Don nodded and patted his knee. “He thought it was real funny just like I did.”

Shane still looked embarrassed but did not get mad as he would have a month earlier. “Where are we going?”

“That’s a surprise.”

The next day Shane was cheerful almost blissful as Don helped him pick out supplies for the trip. He’d not been off the property in over a month and though he seemed leery at first of each place they stopped once he was there for a few minutes he was okay.

They went to the outback store last where they were well stocked with Canteens and hiking packs as well as anything imaginable a hiker or camper would need. They were standing at a wall of back packs when Seth walked up beside them looking incredibly brawn in his outback tank top and tan knee length shorts. He put his arm over Shane’s back and brought his hand up onto his shoulder.

“Going on a trip Shane?”

Shane who had jumped at being touched turned his face instantly changing from fear to relief seeing it was only Seth. He looked down at his shirt and smiled. “I didn’t know you worked here?”

“Just a few days a week. Don’t want to work all damn summer. God you look great you’ve got a real nice tan.”

Shane smiled glad his endless days in the sun had given his chalky complexion some color which he himself had not looked in the mirror enough to see. Seth looked over at the wall of packs. “Know which one you want yet?”

Shane shook his head and looked back at the wall himself. “I guess I should just go by color huh?”

“Well what kinda trip you going on?” Seth knew full well what kind of trip it was as Don had called him weeks ago on it but didn’t want to ruin any surprises and wanted to play totally dumb.

“Canoeing, camping.” Shane glanced over at Don who nodded that he was right.

“Well you don’t want one too heavy but you want one that’s waterproof. You’d want one of these here.” He ran his hand down one line of them from the floor to the ceiling. “From there it goes by color.” He squeezed Shane’s shoulder wanting to kiss him full on the lips but kept his cool since Don was standing right there and he was pretty sure Don did not know of their swinging behaviors. As Shane and Seth had ‘shacked up’ on more then one occasion months before while Matt and Sam ‘shacked up’ together in the next room.

None of them had any doubt who their true love lied with Seth loved Matt more then anyone and he knew Sam loved Shane. They all probably loved each other if it came right down to it but had no doubts who they were with.

“Would people think I’m queer if I chose yellow.”

Don and Seth both looked at him sideways and saw he was grinning and they both busted out laughing. “Cause I do want yellow.” He said after they’d gotten their laughter under control. “How’s it go? You’re queer if you wear yellow on Thursday? I’ll just make sure not to actually wear it that day.”

Seth reached up and got the yellow pack and Shane averted his eyes from the dark brown tuft of hair under his arm pit and forced his genitals to stop tingling with thoughts of snot and other gross things.

Don noticed his hard swallow and grinned inwardly glad to see Shane still had his sex drive anyways. He was afraid after what that bitch of a woman had done he would no longer be interested in sex at all which for someone his age was very unhealthy.

Seth took them to the canteens next and Shane picked out a red plaid one. They were wrung up by Seth and Don wrote out a check while Seth and Shane chatted. He wished them a good trip as they left the store.

Shane was putting his things in the trunk with the rest of his new things when he heard a familiar voice calling his name. One he could not place til he turned and saw Kelly, who was now Buzz’s wife, coming toward him. She threw her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. Shane took it well but the whole ordeal made him real uncomfortable.

“I was so glad to hear you got out of that damn house.” she kept her hands on his shoulders as she looked up in his eyes. “You’ve gotten taller haven’t you?”

“Maybe a little.” He was noticing it too he sure seemed to be looking down at her more then he remembered.

“And cuter I’d say. Amazing.” She clucked her tongue and shook her head and smiled over at Don. She walked over to him and shook his hand. “I’m Kelly Campbell. Used to be Kelly Reynold’s. I married Shane’s brother.”

Don nodded and smiled. “Nice to meet you.”

“Not as nice as it is to meet you. Wow I sure was glad to hear Shane had a good place to live now. I worried about him a lot.”

Shane blushed deeply as he closed the trunk. She turned back to him. “So how’s it going Shane?”

“Fine.” he nodded curtly not wanting it to get back to Austin about how he was doing at all.

Kelly stayed and talked for a couple more minutes but getting nothing more then one word answers she eventually said good bye and walked off. In the car on the way back home Don looked over at Shane. “Do you not like her Shane?”

“She’s real nice.” he was studying his fingernails only so he wouldn’t have to look over at Don.

“How come you wouldn’t talk to her then?”

“Just cause.” he shrugged and closed his eyes in silent prayer that Don would drop the subject all together. No one knew how Austin had treated him. It was the one secret he’d managed to keep and didn’t want to go anywhere the subject of him in fear that something may slip out.

Don did let it drop though he was sure Shane was hiding something.