Incandescence - 31. Point of View

Spinning a short sword slowly, I watched more traitorous fucks gather into a neat little group. Suman was to my left, looking borderline manic as he unwrapped his thin threads from around his wrist. Rah stood in front of us, her foot tapping impatiently. She’d traded her silks and elegant dresses for a leather corset with sheer sleeves and pants. The pants were covered in buckles that wrapped around her legs and cinched in the fabric at the ankles, drawing attention to her heeled boots. She shifted, the swords on her hips moving with her.

“We aren’t going to let a no one who didn’t even grow up here take the throne. Especially not after your campaign ended in the murder of our king!” One of the guards announced as he pointed his sword at Lyrah. I let the flat of my sword rest on my shoulder and tilted my head as I scanned the men who’d gathered.

“You’ve not brought enough.” I sighed, already bored. The man who’d spoken gawked at me and gripped his sword tighter.

“If you stand with the false queen, we’ll kill you too!”

“Oh, do get on with it then.” Suman sighed as he took a step forward, “I’m getting bored. I didn’t get to off my grand daddy so the rest of you will have to be stand-ins.”

Lyrah held out her hand, blocking Suman’s progress as she called to the men, “Please see reason. This is your last chance to do so and fall in line. Pledge yourselves to me now and you’ll live to see tomorrow.”

Someone from near the back of the group threw a rock and I moved forward. Lyrah lifted her hand and the waves of her Magik stopped the rock and shot it backwards towards the men. She tilted her head and I heard a small sigh, “You’ve chosen violence. Please remember that I offered peace and I have done so repeatedly for months. This was your decision. You started this but I can assure you I will finish it. I will ensure your families receive your bodies for proper burials. Boys?”

“Dear?” I sing-songed and Suman inclined his head, grinning at the men.

“Please try to leave them in one piece to make recovery easier.” Lyrah said as she drew her swords.

“Full of yourself! You’ve only brought three men with you!” A blond man yelled as they started to advance.

A heavy sigh that seemed to carry all the suffering of a lifetime sounded behind us. Hanja moved up, hand on the hilt of his sword, “Let’s make this quick. All of you are exhausting. Including those of you who are allies.”

Their sloppy line broke apart as they charged in earnest, weapons drawn. Anticipation fizzled in my guts and I tried to keep myself from tensing as adrenaline scorched through my veins. Letting my head fall to the side, I spun around Rah, holding an odd, squatted position as I blocked the leader’s sword. He was a mere breath away and I could feel Rah close behind me.

I grinned up into surprised brown eyes, “Oh no sweet child. You don’t get to touch the queen.”

Hanja engaged shortly after, cutting through his first opponent easily. Suman had maneuvered around to flank them, singing an old nursey rhyme loudly as he strangled a man, his threads cutting into the skin on his neck as he swung his body up to kick someone running at him. He loosened his strings when his opponent stopped fighting and twirled. He hopped up, clicking his heels together so the blade on the toe of his left boot slid out.

Rah moved around me, shaking her head as she smirked at me, “Keep your head in the game, now.”

*Kalian*

Flexing my fingers, I burrowed them under the sand. Turning my face into the sun, I let the sound of the waves lapping at the shore become my only focus. My breath eased in and out of my lungs in a way that never seemed possible in Syrin. Soon, my slow breathing synced with the waves and I felt the ocean air fill my lungs. I let myself fall back, closing my eyes as I sunk into the warm sand under me. The air was different here. Cleaner. A lightness had settled on me, loosening the tightness in my chest. Curling my fingers into the sand again, I focused on the waves and my breathing. As the waves rushed up the shore and fell back, I felt even more weight fall from my shoulders.

In, out. In, out.

If I tried, I could hear the screams and shouts across the beach. I could hear Talon and Wyn’s voices before a shrill, angry scream rose above them. It was enough to make me lift my head. Eira was shrieking at Wyn who looked like he was about to splash Talon. Eira waved her hand angrily at Wyn and shouted, “No!” at the top of her tiny lungs.

Smiling, I let my head drop back but I found that I couldn’t find the ocean’s rhythm this time. The noises around me weren’t as easy to block out once the spell had been broken. Relenting, I rolled onto my side and watched my family in the water. Wyn was laughing evilly as Talon repeatedly blocked splashes. He set Eira’s legs in the water and I watched a disc of his Magik slide around her, keeping the child from dipping below the water. She floated around, a floppy hat hiding her from the sun’s harshest rays.

Eira seemed less angry as she watched Talon and Wyn now. Perhaps the little thing had realized Talon wasn’t in any danger. Wyn kept trying to get the upper hand and poor Talon was clearly at a disadvantage. He would avoid water, only to be attacked by seaweed. Having dodged that, he would nearly fall on his face when Wyn did something with the sand. The boy was laughing maniacally, tangled, wet hair whipping around him as he ran through the water when Talon charged him. It was the boy’s turn to yell as Talon hoisted him up and threw him over his shoulder into the water. Through it all, Eira had been floating away from the skirmish and splashing water. She clapped her hands when Talon appeared triumphant. He pointed at her and her shrill laughter reached my ears as Talon picked the little girl up and threw her into the air. The last of my tension melted away as I watched them, Wyn slowly submerging from the water. I could only see the very top of his head and his narrowed eyes as he plotted against his father.

Moments like this had been rare for our family. Even before Eira joined it. We were alone on the beach, just us. No one expected anything from us here. We could be normal people. The kids weren’t being forced to mature far too fast. Wyn had already weathered far more than anything thirteen-year-old ever should.

I had thought keeping him sheltered was the same as keeping him safe, but that wasn’t the life Wyn was meant for. He was never a scared child hiding from the outside world. Over the last ten months, he’d thrived in Syrin. Talon had resumed teaching him alchemy-which I discovered per Talon-that he had an incredible talent for. His learning had become less structured as he tried to find the fighting style that felt most comfortable to him. He’d spent time with Eon’s double swords, the crazy princes’ arsenal of sharp instruments, and Wren’s vicious use of just about anything to harm someone. Tyren was teaching him languages and Lyme had taken over the classroom part.

I thought Lyme would be terrified of Wyn after he’d trapped him before coming to find us, but he took it in stride. To Wyn’s absolute delight, they’d started studying his Magik and pushing him to the very edge of it. There were documented stories of people with multiple “gifts”, but no one was quite like Wyn. Until they’d gone back before our history. We had our tiers of gods, but to truly glean the depths of Wyn’s powers, Lyme was digging up ancient histories. Civilizations I had never heard of with languages that were lost to everyone save a few, myself included. It was fascinating to learn everything Lyme had already dragged up from the past. From a time when the dead languages were very much alive and had first been committed to paper. I wasn’t sure any of it would be possible without Lyme’s ability to learn and retain so quickly.

As my brain released me from my thoughts, I smiled at Wyn as he walked toward me. He trudged through the sand before sprawling next to me, throwing droplets of cold water all over me, “Hey!”

“You should get in the water da.” Wyn said, grinning down at me as he sat cross-legged.

“I will.” I answered as I sat up and glanced at the water. Talon was very gently dragging Eira’s legs through the water. Both of their faces were far too serious for me to successfully stifle a laugh. Talon’s shoulders were sunburned and his hair that’d been tied up had strands now sticking to his face. Introducing Eira to the ocean was serious business and I mentally chastised myself for laughing at Talon. I should be thankful he’d accepted the challenge with so much earnest dedication.

“When do we have to go back?” Wyn asked.

Guiding wet hair out of his eyes, I paused to look at him. The beautiful kaleidoscopes set perfectly into his head stood out against his deep tan from the sun and dark hair. He shoved my arm away and made a face at me, “Why’re you staring?”

“No reason. Just thinking.”

Wyn shook his head, “No thinking on vacation. Dad said so.”

“That is not what he said child.”

“Close enough.” Wyn said, shrugging and flopping backwards, “Are Uncle Hanja and Uncle Tyran still in Serran?”

“Yes, they won’t be back in Syrin for probably another month. Organizing one country taking another over is a lot of work.” I explained.

“So, will you guys oversee everywhere then? Dimian, Dleth, and Serran?”

“Well, you’re Aunt Rah is queen in Dleth and soon Serran will be a part of Dimian.”

“But dad is also a prince in Dleth and he’s part of the group with the uncles that will be in charge of Serran and Dimian, so…”

“Your father is a king actually; they share the crown. Though, he refuses to acknowledge it unless Lyrah needs him.”

“Is that why you changed our name again? If someone else tries to start something, are we going to change our name again?” He frowned.

I laughed, “No Wyn, we’re settled on it now. It won’t be changing.”

“When’s Lyme coming home? I bet Uncle Eon misses him.”

“I’m not sure. It will take a bit longer as Illiath is across the sea.”

Wyn pouted, “Then Loren and Suman will barely come here, right?”

“They promised you they would visit. Don’t worry.”

“Aunt Amaris said she would too and she hasn’t since everything happened.”

“She’s looking for something and she doesn’t know where to find it. So, she’s decided to travel until she finds it.”

“What’s so important?”

“Her why.”

Wyn frowned then shrugged before springing back onto his feet and sprinting back through the sand to the water. I watched him rejoin Talon and Eira and let out a sigh. This happy bubble wouldn’t last forever. As much as we wanted to stay here forever and ignore everything, life was waiting.

*Wren*

It wasn’t often that I found myself in the old dungeon. It was blocked off to the general public as Eon and the others had deemed it “unsafe”. Pushing open the door, I frowned at how much effort it took. Was it always this heavy or was this just another drawback of being stuck in this decidedly human body? I was reminded daily of my limits. Eon could overpower me if he wanted. I was slow. My nails were no longer the claws I had treasured for years. My eyesight was considerably worse. I wasn’t able to see in the dark anymore. My hearing was greatly reduced as well. I couldn’t hear heart rates increase. With my Magik, I could at least feel it, but it wasn’t the same.

I wasn’t the same.

I hated it.

I hated me.

I trailed my fingers over the filthy walls of my former home, holding up the lantern that I was forced to carry now that I was human. There were streaks of blood. As my fingers grazed over familiar splatter, I felt something pull inside me. It left pain in its wake. I could remember every blood smear, every drop that stained every corner of the room. Memories of echoing screams filled my head and I closed my eyes, the hand holding the lantern dropping to my side.

When I stayed here everything was so simple. I tortured, I ate, and I ripped secrets from the strongest men and women. I crippled assassination attempts before they got off the ground. I weeded out traitors before they got away with a sliver of information.

Then…everything changed. I left my room one day to save Talon and then I didn’t come back. I was dragged into the light. Now, as my fingers crumbled dried flaky gore from the walls, I wondered if it was worth it. I hadn’t questioned my choices until this point. Regret was an emotion one couldn’t hang on to when immortal.

Except, I wasn’t anymore.

With the change came emotions I hadn’t felt since before I became whatever it is that I was before Kalian had ruined it. The boy had good intentions, but he’d stripped me of every fiber that made me who and what I was. The lantern fell from my hand as I hit my knees, my palms flat on the filthy floor. Air was slow coming into my lungs, but it was drawn from them twice as fast. My chest hurt. Pain pounded through my head. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize who I was. It was a stranger looking back and I didn’t want to know him. Blond hair, burgundy eyes and dull teeth. It was disgusting.

A ragged noise left my mouth and my fingertips dragged across the hard floor, destroying my pathetic nails.

I hate it. I hate this. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

Something shifted inside me and words began pressing past my lips, spilling onto the ground as I held bleeding fingers out. Words weren’t solid, there was nothing to catch though they kept coming. My stomach heaved around the wrongness of the words leaving my mouth. My insides twisted and my voice turned into something ugly and rough. This language wasn’t meant to be spoken. It’d been sealed away for a reason. History had killed it dead to prevent the abomination that I craved. It hadn’t been my choice hundreds of years ago, but as my body contorted and my teeth crashed together when the pain silenced me, I knew it was this time. Certainty slithered through my scrambled thoughts. The words rushing through my head were in a language I’d forgotten long ago.

My mouth ached and blood dripped from my chin as my arms failed me. My jaw cracked against the ground and the world would be spinning if I wasn’t almost completely in the dark. The lantern lay on its side, far from me. Perhaps I had kicked it whilst thrashing? Hard to tell as pain bloomed on the lower half of my face and my eyes rolled back. I dropped into a space between reality and something else. Fingers of darkness shredded me into pieces and then puzzled them back together. I lost awareness shortly after my voice was taken from me. I could only choke out disgusting noises. Then…

Nothing.

*Wyn*

Something was different. My parents were, but that wasn’t all. When Loren, Suman, and Hanja returned changed. Master Hanja was softer. He always needed to touch my Uncle Tyren. As if he was scared he’d be taken away. Where Hanja’s edges had been smoothed down, Suman’s had been sharpened. He’d always been teetering on an edge, but now the gentlest push would send him into near frenzy. My dad had pulled him away from fighting guards on more than one occasion. When Loren was present-it seemed worse.

Amaris was off doing I don’t know what. She had hugged me tight and made lots of promises, but I saw the look in her eyes before she turned and bounced out of the door. She was eager, hungry for new experiences that she didn’t want to share with us. I had wanted to pull her back. I wanted to make my dad relax or make him find a solution to his perpetual lethargy. Da said it would get better when I first brought it up. He’d noticed it too. I knew it. He’d reassured me, but then nothing had gotten better. Dad was always tired. He had no energy and when he did things now, I could tell he was forcing himself. He’d been brought back before, but what was different this time?

I didn’t have any answers. I couldn’t explain away why my da’s hair had more white in it now, the ends almost translucent. Did the adults have explanations for my questions? If I asked, would they tell me? Everyone was so different. I was different. I wanted to scream and cry. I wanted to whine until someone fixed things for me. Now, after what I’d been through, I kept it all inside. I kept quiet and I settled for watching. Anxiety would crush my insides and strangle me with a knot in my throat, but I hid it.

The adults around me…they were fragile. Until now, I’d thought all of the grownups around me were invincible. Untouchable and infallible. The twelfth year of my life had destroyed my view of the world and I wasn’t sure I was mature or smart enough to rebuild.

So as those around me crumbled behind cracked masks, I started to create my own.

*Loren*

Trust is a tricky thing to piece together once you’ve broken it. No matter how hard you try, there will always be finite cracks invisible to the naked eye. Invisible until something taps just right and it shatters. I’d never felt this way before. I’d never held something so fragile in my hands only to watch it crumble to dust and blow out of my grasp. Now, I’d done it to someone Id care about. It was like needles digging into all the darkest parts of my brain. I reminded myself of all my worst qualities.

Good for nothing.

Worthless.

Trash.

Who could ever love you?

Your own family threw you away.

Everyone leaves.

Everyone leaves and its…

All.

Your.

Fault.

It’s enough to make you insane. If you’re already insane-its enough to scare you straight and bring things into focus. I’d been hit with the realization after we’d fought and won for Rah. Suman could handle himself. He fought beautifully and I’d nearly gotten myself in trouble focusing on him instead of those I was fighting. I knew he more than held his own, but I couldn’t help tracking his movements, tensing when someone slipped through his defenses or got the jump on him. I had the split lip and slight concussion to prove it.

Afterward, as he spun around-flicking the blood off his small blades violently-a strange tightness gripped my chest. It got worse when I watched him say something to Rah and then laugh maniacally at her answer. Suman was troubled. He was traumatized.

He was possibly the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. If the gods existed, they’d crafted him meticulously by hand. Only to come to the realization that he was too perfect. Too gorgeous. Upon their discovery, the prince was cast into suffering to balance his blessings. There was no other plausible explanation. Nothing my besotted brain could shuffle together anyway.

He drew me to him and I went willingly. Until his eyes snapped up to meet mine and his face twisted into a sneer, “So kind of you to not throw yourself on a sword this time. Shall we hold a celebration or will you be content with a pat on the back?’

Now was not the time to tell him he could punch me in the face and I’d feel as lucky as if he’d kissed me. Words escaped me and I stared stupidly at him, taking him in. His hair was a mess, his cheek was bruising, and there were small scrapes all over his perfect skin. Stunning. Moving, breathing artwork. Artwork that was reeling back with a closed fist and growling about something. Oh, I’d been speaking aloud. That was fine. It remained fine when knuckles met my jaw-when I let them without any complaint.

“What are you doing idiot? You could’ve blocked that!” His eyes were wide now as I staggered backwards, wiping blood from my mouth.

“Did you need it?”

“What are you-”

“Did hitting me make it better?” I asked quietly, holding eye contact. Vulnerability tried to bleed into his expression and was I imagining the glaze of tears over his eyes?

“Shut up Loren.”

“Come here Suman.”

“Eat shit and die.”

“Suman.” I held my arms up, moving slowly so as not to startle him in his current state. Suman was volatile, but everything he did was to protect himself.

He stared at me for a long time and then surged forward, shoving me hard, “I hate you.”

He shoved me again and I nearly lost my balance, “You promised you’d never leave me. Then you chose to without me even crossing your mind.”

Another, weaker shove, “I’m not…I’m not disposable. I’m worth something.”

“You’re worth everything. You are everything.”

“If that were true, you wouldn’t have bit sand.” He said quietly, my arms coming up to surroung him. Hanja passed nearby and Suman threw him a withering glare that the healer acknowledged with a scowl.

“I’m not what gives your life value. You do. You’ve so much to give this world. Even when you hide it behind quips and sharp things.” I murmured as I slowly circled my arms around him.

“Should I get you a mirror, idiot?” He snarled, but his voice broke at the tail end and he dragged his arm across his face to hide a sniffle.

“Maybe we need to hear some of the same things.” I said softly into his ear as he finally allowed me to hold him properly.

“And maybe you need to stop being so fucking stupid.” He snapped; face hidden in my neck. I ignored the wet drops falling onto my skin as I held him tight to me. I slid hands down his back as I willed death itself to try and come back for me. I’d been given another chance by a dear friend and I had something tethering me to this world. If death came looking, I was sure I’d have enough knives to carve out his wandering eyes.

Stretching my arms above my head, I winced slightly at the pain radiating from my tailbone. I was far too old to be sitting in chairs all day listening to old men bitch about things that didn’t matter. Well, it didn’t matter if you ever left high society and pulled the silver spoon from your mouth. It was like Dimian all over again. Rich men squabbling over money and power. I yawned and peeked open an eye as the doors flew open.

Suman strolled in, throwing his long hair out of his face. He shrugged when I looked at him, spinning on one of his heels before tipping back so he landed in my lap. He made himself comfortable, leaning his back against my chest and dropping his head back on my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around his waist, rubbing his side as I kissed his cheek, “Darling.”

“Your highness.” I chuckled and nipped his neck. In retaliation, he forced his hips back into mine. I gripped his hips, the tip of my nose running gently up his throat.

I turned Suman’s head for a kiss. It grew heated as it always did and a throat cleared. Suman gripped the hair at the back of my head and tugged until I let my head fall back. His teeth tugged at my lip and his beautiful grey eyes met mine as I let my hands fall to his hips.

“Are you quite done?” A voice asked. I felt Suman stiffen and I cooed softly as the warmth in his eyes fled quickly. He held my face and kissed me so hard it was more of a clashing of teeth. Then he turned his full attention to the man who’d spoken.

“Quite done.” Suman said as he rose and I heard the tell-tale click of a blade sliding into his hand. He rested his palm on the table, eyes locked on the man. It was either a distant family member or some kind of advisor. I hadn’t paid attention when they’d been introduced because I didn’t need their names. I didn’t need anything from them. Even so, I was curious what they’d say to plead their cases.

“Suman. Sit for me please.” His body jerked and he looked at me over his shoulder. I grinned at the familiar glint of insanity flashing across his gaze, “Come here my darling little lunatic.”

His face changed for a moment-softened-and then the same man grumbled something under his breath. Suman’s head snapped back around and I sighed, “Lyme, who is he?”

“U-uh oh, he is the head of the-“

“Is he important?” I interrupted.

Lyme blinked, his eyes wide, “Well all life is important and there’s no way for me to-“

I shrugged, waving my fingers toward Suman. He lunged across the table and the man let out what could only be described as a squawk as they tumbled backwards. From my chair, I saw the strings around his wrist snap out and then it was drawn tight between his hands, “Are you quite done?”

“Make it quick. We’ve business beautiful.” I heard gasping, wet breaths and a struggle as Suman taunted the man under him, giggling when everything seemed to become more frantic.

“L-Loren. Should we stop him?” Lyme squeaked.

I rolled my head on my shoulders until I could see the nervous scholar, “You wanna get between them now? Because I don’t. I like all my fingers.”

“Oh, calm yourself. I’m done.” Suman sighed, rolling his shoulders as he stood and stalked toward me.

I met his eyes and grinned. Suman was dangerous and when he was upset, I wasn’t always sure I wouldn’t be the next one stabbed. The beautiful thing about what we had was knowing that something about me was interesting enough that he hadn’t yet turned his blades or thread on me. Lyme stared at the blood now splattered over Suman’s silver tunic. The prince didn’t pay him any mind and dropped back onto my lap, facing me this time. I ran my hand over the back of his head gently as his face dropped into my neck. I let my arms wrap around him as he started to shake. I wonder how many knew that his incredible bouts of violence left him more vulnerable than any other time.

“N-now for business.” A man stuttered from down the table.

“Oh yes.” I nodded, “Be my guest. Tell me why you all deserve to live. At this point, I’m leaning towards getting rid of all of you. Convince me to keep you around. I’m sure there are plenty on this rock that could aid me in rebuilding Illiath.”

Suman shifted, letting out a small noise against my skin that only I could hear. He forced himself to relax and fought back his emotions. Then Suman shifted around, folding his hands in his lap. His energy had changed dramatically again and I let out a sigh. Pressing a kiss to the side of his head, I spoke, “I’m losing interest. Let’s say, thirty words or less and if I want to hear more, I’ll ask you to expand on it.”