The Light at the End of the Tunnel - 5. Chapter 5

Caleb’s mouth hung open—three little words. You’ve been poisoned. What the fuck? When he reached up to run his hands through his hair, Asa batted them away. Instead of pushing away, the man grasped his head behind both ears and pulled him forward until their foreheads touched. For the second time that evening, the light shifter shushed him.

A low vibration hummed between them. It felt like touching a low-voltage battery. It didn’t hurt. Instead, the sensation was weird. He barely breathed as Asa held him still. Closing his eyes, he remained motionless, unsure what his mate was doing. Feeling his wolf watching intensely, he willed the beast to behave. The last thing they needed right now was the animal crashing the party.

There was no way to tell how long Asa held him there, motionless. It could have been a few minutes or a few hours. Finally, the grip on his head loosened. He opened his eyes to find Asa staring at him. There was no way to determine if the light shifter’s expression was astonishment or horror.

“It explains so much,” Asa declared.

“What do you mean?”

“Before Vann was kidnapped, were you having any odd physical symptoms? Rashes, headaches, itching? Anything?”

Caleb thought, but nothing came to him. Then he remembered something. “I couldn’t get rid of this weird metallic taste in my mouth. Everything I ate tasted like copper. Even now, food has an odd flavor. I chalked it up to stress.”

“It makes perfect sense,” Asa whispered.

“Um, could you enlighten me?” He wasn’t in the mood for games, especially not Twenty Questions.

“You have heavy metal poisoning.”

“Huh? How the hell do you know that? Shifters can’t be poisoned like that. We only react to silver, and that’s not a heavy metal.”

Asa bit his bottom lip and didn’t say anything. It pissed Caleb off. “Full disclosure, remember? You said we had to be honest with each other. Tell me how you know I’ve been poisoned! Did you have something to do with it?”

“No!” Asa snapped out of whatever internal dialogue he had going on with himself. “It’s part of my abilities. Give me a minute, and I’ll explain.”

Caleb used the minute to drain his now-warm beer. He didn’t care. His attention turned back to his mate as Asa started to elucidate.

“It’s part of what I can do. It’s hard to explain how it works, which is why I hesitated, but I’ll try. I have a sort of internal diagnostic system within me. I don’t know what else to call it. When I kissed you, it kick-started automatically, which never happened before. The best way I can describe it is that it’s like a separate computer in my head. Think of it as a storage house for information on medical conditions and ailments. Your body gives out signals that something is wrong, and my internal server interprets those signals.”

“So when you kissed me, your brain yelled out that I was poisoned?”

Asa chuffed. “Short answer–yes. Long answer–it’s why I brought our foreheads together. The only way I can figure out what’s going on is to be in close physical contact. I was running a more thorough diagnostic on you.”

“Care to elaborate on that part?”

“As I said, you have heavy metal poisoning. You’re right. Usually, shifters can eliminate those metals from their systems easily. I think it’s related to your ability to heal quickly. It’s why you never see lead poisoning in young shifters. In your case, you have an elevated level of mercury. By itself, it shouldn’t have posed an issue. However, the mercury is bonded to silver nitrate. Specifically, silver mercury oxide nitrate. I don’t need to tell you that silver is toxic to wolf shifters. A little bit won’t hurt you, a moderate amount will make you sick, and a large quantity can kill you.

“In humans, mercury poisoning can cause adverse psychological reactions. Poor judgment and decision-making, suicidal thoughts, and problems with memory are a few. Physical symptoms can include a metallic taste in one’s mouth, muscle weakness, loss of appetite, and skin problems. Any of this sounding familiar yet?”

Dumbfounded, Caleb couldn’t believe it. “Are you suggesting the poison is responsible for my shitty decision-making? That’s a bunch of bullshit!”

“No. It’s not. I think either Alberts, Belland, or both decided to poison you, hoping you’d react exactly like you did. If it didn’t work, they could have added more into your system to kill you, and in all likelihood, no one would have found out.”

“Where the hell did they get this shit?”

“Silver nitrate is easy to get ahold of. Humans use it all the time for wound care. Even mercury isn’t too difficult to find. It isn’t sold in stores, but there are plenty of old mercury thermometers that are easy enough to obtain. As senior-ranking members of your High Council, they would have had the funds to pull it off and pay someone to slip you the poison gradually.”

“Fucking hell! So what do I do about it? Is this shit going to kill me?” Caleb bit his lip and drew his brows together, rightfully worried.

“From what I can see, even though your body can’t eliminate the compound, the levels aren’t fatal. They are high enough to cause any of the issues I mentioned. Unfortunately, you can’t do anything about it.”

Caleb slouched in defeat. It figured. His mate comes along, and all he can offer him is a damaged version of himself. It wasn’t fair.

“Hey, look at me.”

He tensed and reluctantly looked at his mate. Asa was assertive. Maybe too assertive for his own good. Caleb wasn’t used to being bossed around by anyone. It had been many years since he’d had to answer to anyone else. His wolf, who normally would be bristling at such treatment, was eerily silent.

“I said you couldn’t do anything about it. I never said I couldn’t. The other part of my unique talent is the ability to heal. I’m not going to lie—it won’t be easy. The poison has enabled your brain to rewire itself. It amplified whatever issues you already had going on. It’s why you struggle so much with your mental health. I can mend a broken bone with minimal effort, but repairing someone’s psyche? It’s difficult under ideal conditions. The presence of heavy metal poisoning complicates things.”

“But it can be done?” Caleb asked hopefully.

“I think so.”

“Can you try now?”

Asa shook his head. “No. It’s too dangerous.”

Caleb slumped again. Great, it's just his luck. Life was dangling a cure for his dark thoughts in front of him and then yanking it away. “I get it. I wouldn’t risk myself for a complete stranger, either.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Pull your head out of your ass. That’s not it at all. It’s dangerous because I don’t know the exact extent of your condition. If I fuck things up and do something wrong, it can cause permanent damage. I won’t risk it until I know what I’m up against and have support. Santos and Giles need to be here in case something goes wrong. Look, I’ve only ever messed with someone’s mental health on two others. Neither of their problems were as extensive, nor did they have the added complication of heavy metal poisoning.”

“Damn, you remind me of my ex-girlfriend, Noel Gomez. We called her Gnomez because she collected those weird garden things.” Caleb shuddered at the memory. “She was straightforward like you but too bitchy. Always thought she was right. So, now, what do we do?”

The look Asa gave him was predatory. In the past, Caleb never cared one way or another if his sex partners were male or female. Now, his pulse quickened in a way it never had before, and he couldn’t imagine anyone else kissing him like Asa did. Fuck, he was sweet. The sharp scent of ozone and the fresh smell of wintergreen assaulted his nose. He breathed in his mate’s fragrance with a long inhale, allowing it to imprint on his memory. His wolf, silent until now, howled his approval. His lips parted as Asa’s tongue darted out, demanding entry. Holy hell, the man could kiss. Caleb's thoughts weren't dark for the first time in a long time.

Until now, he always believed making out was overrated. He would never feel the same way again. He would happily drown in this feeling for the rest of his life. No sooner did the positive thought cross his mind than the darkness crept in again. He dragged his mouth away, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.

Asa’s eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he replied, shutting down to avoid further inquiries.

His mate stood abruptly. Caleb felt a brief flash of disappointment before he pushed it away, replacing it with relief.

“I know you’re lying. But considering everything I’ve dropped on you, I’ll give you a pass. Come on. I’m starving. We can heat up the food and then watch a movie or something before going to bed.”

Bed? What the hell? Asa must have seen his confusion.

“To sleep. You still need medical observation. Santos’ orders, remember? We’ll table the whole mate-claim thing until we resolve your physical and mental issues. Not all of your depression is because of the poison. You’ll still have to deal with it, but I’m certain it will be much more manageable. Once your mind is clear, you can allow your heart to make an informed decision.”

Caleb’s jaw dropped as he watched Asa stand and walk back to the kitchen.

“You coming?” the man called, breaking the temporary paralysis his other words created.

Wordlessly, he followed Asa into the kitchen and waited while the food was warmed up. He had so many questions but shifted uncomfortably at the idea of asking. Before today, Asa had been someone he had only heard about from other people. He knew nothing about him and wasn’t sure he wanted to know anything. If anything, he felt pissed more pissed off now than before. In the span of a few minutes, his world had been thrown off its axis again. Inwardly, his wolf growled at him. Fuck him. He’s not in charge.

Caleb took his plate from the microwave and plopped down onto a chair at the table. He fumbled for his fork, stabbed at some potatoes, and raised them to his mouth on autopilot. Chewing and swallowing methodically, he kept his gaze focused on his plate, feeling the other man staring at him.

“So, am I getting the silent treatment for the rest of the night?” Asa asked as he took slow, careful bites.

“What do you want?” he barked, harsher than intended. Tough. “You barged into my life, saved me when I didn’t need saving, and now expect me to follow you blindly? I don’t know how much clearer I can make this—I. Don’t. Want. A. Mate!”

Asa put his fork down with a gentle clink against his plate. Slowly, he wiped his mouth with the napkin. When Caleb dared to look at him, there was anger staring back. What the fuck did he have to be angry about?

“First of all,” Asa started. “You were literally a few short heartbeats away from dying. That bullet practically severed your artery. So yes, you did need saving, regardless of whether or not you wanted to die. Second, I never asked you to follow me blindly. As a matter of fact, I don’t recall asking anything of you other than a fair chance. Third, your decision-making skills are shaky at best. The darkness you have inside? The one that threatens to consume you from the inside out? It’s part of the poisoning. Right now, I don’t trust you one bit. You’re dangerous to yourself and to me.”

Asa stood up and came around to Caleb’s side of the table, and pushed it back, allowing enough room for him to wedge himself in front of Caleb. The light shifter nudged his knees apart and stood in his personal space. It was too close for comfort, but the other man didn’t seem to care.

Leaning down so their noses were practically touching, Asa growled. “You may not like any of this, and you don’t have to. What you have to do is let me take care of you. Even if it’s only this one night. You think you were blindsided? What about me? I’m not part of your world. Most of you animal shifters think my kind is a myth. How do you think that makes me feel? I have to hide what I can do from humans, and because my ability is so rare, I end up hiding it from other supernaturals, too.

“I can’t detect other shifters like you can. Everyone I meet is a potential threat. What happens when I finally feel comfortable around a pack and even get to the point where I think about confiding to its Alpha? You come along. That’s what! So, all of a sudden, I’m forced to confront my biggest fear. Being outed!”

Caleb shifted his weight, but Asa stopped him. “No, you stay put. You’re going to listen to what I have to say.”

Startled, he leaned back, trying to put a little physical distance between himself and Asa.

“I don’t mean outed in the sense of being gay. I’ve been out about that since I was fourteen and haven’t had more than a handful of issues because of it. I meant being outed as far as my abilities go. Very few shifters still remember there’s a classification of elemental shifters. Fire, water, air, and earth are the ones that come to mind first for most supernaturals when they find out about us. Those four types are rare. Even more rare are shifters like me. Light and shadow are the rarest kinds of shifters there are.

“I don’t know how or why we came about, only that we exist. In all my life, I’ve never come across another non-animal shifter. Hell, I’ve only seen a bear shifter once, and that was by accident, just like finding out about Giles’ pack when I inadvertently saw a few of your pack-mates shifting. I came clean to Giles a few months ago. It made things easier for both of us by establishing trust. Even still, I couldn’t bring myself to disclose my light shifting. Trust is something of a sore spot for me.”

“Why? Earlier, you said you wouldn’t put up with lying or withholding information. Who hurt you so badly?”

Asa’s eyes seem to bore through him. There was pain there. Caleb should know. He was intimately familiar with it.

“I was twenty-two and fresh out of college, interning for a blacksmith in Oklahoma. Dwight was a stable hand on the farm the blacksmith was based out of. We hooked up and got to know each other over a few months. We grew closer, and I started to think he might be the one. How fucking wrong I was.” Asa’s eyes rolled at the memory. “My parents protected me when I was growing up. They stressed the importance of being wholeheartedly committed and trusting someone completely before divulging my light-shifting ability. I thought I found it with Dwight. I was so wrong.”

It was several moments before Asa took a deep breath, steeling himself to continue.

“I showed Dwight what I could do. It freaked him out at first. Then he figured we could profit from it. He wanted to turn me into some sort of bizarre sideshow attraction. It ended up being a total clusterfuck. The lies that he told nearly destroyed me. I had no choice but to spin it to make him look like he was crazy. In return, he sabotaged my car by cutting the brake line. I was on my way to work and couldn’t stop going down a hill. My car ricocheted off a guardrail and flipped over several times. Luckily, it was during the day, and I managed to light out and wasn’t hurt. I told everyone I jumped out before the car hit the railing and deliberately gave myself road rash to make it credible. The police discovered it was him when they checked the security cameras in my apartment’s parking lot. He was arrested for attempted murder.

“The trial was a joke. Dwight got on the stand, spouted off lies about our relationship, and insisted I was some sort of supervillain from X-Men. His lawyers finally had to pull the not-guilty-by-reason-of-insanity card. The jury bought it, and he’s been in custody at a secured hospital ever since. It was my fault. If I hadn’t opened my mouth, the relationship would’ve eventually run its course, and he would have moved on, brain cells intact. So yeah, I have trust issues.”

Caleb’s lips thinned. He wasn’t sure what to say. In all his years as pack Alpha, he never had to divulge his pack’s existence to any humans. The few in his territory who knew about them did so because of other shifters. The most he ever needed to do was assure the individuals they would not be harmed as long as they kept their mouths shut.

“I’m sorry you went through that. Betrayal hurts. I’ve seen firsthand the effect it has on other people. I ruined a lot of lives. I’ll live with that regret for the rest of my life.”

“Listen, Caleb. I’m sure you did hurt a lot of people, but before you condemn yourself to a life of solitude and misery, we need to find out if the poison is the reason you did what you did. It’s not an excuse but an explanation. If it turns out to be true, it will go a long way in helping mend the rift between you and your old pack.”

Caleb’s body started to shake, surprising him. Sure, a few members of his old pack expressed their willingness to forgive. Zev assured him on his little ‘intervention’ visit that he would always be grateful for having Caleb in his life. Ever since his banishment, he’d held little hope of maintaining any relationship with the shifter he helped raise. His nephew was a better man than he was.

When a sob ripped through him, he felt Asa’s arms encircle his shoulders and hold him tight. It was a signal to let go. So he did. Tears soaked the man’s shirt while Asa gently rocked them back and forth. Caleb held on tight, not even realizing he’d wrapped his arms around the light shifter’s waist until his anguished weeping abated.

Caleb’s body slumped with fatigue. He was so tired. Tired of bearing the burden of what he’d done to those closest to him. His mental health was at an all-time low, and it felt as though his blues had darkened into the deepest black. Complete, utter absence of light threatened to encompass him forever in its bleakness. He didn’t know if he would ever find his way back.

Drawing in a shaky breath, he whispered, “Do you really think you can heal me?”

Asa reached down and gently tilted Caleb’s chin, forcing him to look at those pale, glacier-blue eyes. Wordlessly, he nodded before leaning down to capture Caleb’s lips again, sealing the unspoken promise. He felt the faintest glimmer of hope flare within.

Pulling back, Asa smiled and brushed his thumb lightly along Caleb’s bottom lip. “Let’s clean up, then find something to watch. How do you feel about natural disaster movies?”

Caleb chuckled. Of all the movie genres, was his mate a sucker for a good earthquake or volcano flick? Another reason he and his ex broke up. She was a chick-flick-only person. He scoffed at the memory, pushing all thoughts of her out of his head.

“Asteroid or catastrophic storm?”

Asa grinned as he gathered their plates and brought them to the sink. In no time, they were curled up on the couch. It felt strange but oddly comforting to let Asa put an arm around his shoulder. Caleb leaned into the touch, his wolf settling down within.

Two hours later, Earth was safe, the heroes were touted as saviors, and all was right in the cinematograph world.

After getting ready for bed, Caleb settled into his side of the big king-size bed. Asa spooned him, causing his heart rate to spike in a brief moment of panic. His mate didn’t back away. Instead, he murmured reassurance and carefully stroked Caleb’s arm and shoulder until he relaxed. His last thought before drifting off was the realization that he felt safe for the first time in forever.

The following morning dawned cool and overcast. A light mist gave the outside an other-worldly cast. It made him wonder.

“Can you do your light-thingy when it’s like this outside?”

His mate raised one eyebrow and quirked one side of his mouth up. “Light-thingy?”

Caleb felt a blush heat his neck and cheeks. “Well, what do you call it?”

Asa shrugged. “Light-thingy works. And yes, I can shift into my light-thingy when it’s overcast or raining. It’s not as, um, pure as when I shift into sunlight, but it gets the job done.”

“What do you actually do in your light form? I mean, what purpose does it serve?”

“It helps when I heal. I don’t transform at all, but I’m able to draw energy from the light and use it to fix things. I come across a lot of different issues with the horses I work with. I can’t heal them all. It would draw too much attention, and eventually, someone would start asking questions. Most of the time, I just help things along. I can diagnose a problem and then suggest it to the owner to have their vet take a look. Sometimes, I’ll give the horse some pain relief. Plus, it made hide-and-seek a no-brainer when I was a kid. No one ever found me.” A bright smile lit up Asa’s face at the memory.

Caleb nodded. He could picture Asa quietly healing minor ailments and not taking any credit. “So, what’s the game plan for today?”

“Coffee, breakfast, and a heart-to-heart with Giles and Santos. I sent him a text letting him know we needed to see them. They’re expecting us in an hour.”

Biting his bottom lip, Caleb sighed. He couldn’t pinpoint why he was nervous, but the tension in his shoulders and the rolling sensation in his belly betrayed him. He had an hour to get it under control. Giles and Santos would be able to smell it on him.

By the time they pulled into the big yard, Caleb felt a little better. Asa had distracted him, talking about his job. He was looking forward to seeing his mate in the protective leather chaps he wore.

Giles and Santos were in the Alpha’s office, waiting. Curiosity was etched on both faces as he and Asa entered.

Asa didn’t beat around the bush. After taking a seat and reaching over to grasp Caleb’s hand, effectively grounding him, he launched into everything that happened the previous night, including divulging his light-shifting abilities.

“Poisoned? Goddamn, Caleb. I feel awful for missing it,” Santos said.

“You couldn’t have known,” he replied.

“No, but I should have been more thorough with your blood panel screening.”

“Santos, believe me, I gave you no reason to think it was anything other than the depression you diagnosed me with. I wasn’t forthcoming about my other symptoms. Trust me. You did the best you could with the limited information I gave you. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Santos blew out a breath. He nodded in resignation.

“Where do we go from here? Is there an antidote?” Giles asked.

Asa tipped his head back and forth. “Well,” he drawled, “here’s where it gets tricky. The mercury is bonded to the silver nitrate, and his body can’t eliminate it normally, even with the help of his wolf. Methods used on humans won’t work, as those drugs aren’t effective on shifters.”

“He’s right,” Santos agreed. “As far as I know, there is no cure.”

“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong.” Asa gave Caleb a conspiratorial wink. “In addition to being able to light-shift, I can heal.”

Santos’ attention bounced from Giles to Asa, then back again.

Giles’ eyes widened in surprise. “Come again?”

Caleb chuckled. It wasn’t often someone blindsided the Alpha.

“I said—I can heal,” Asa repeated.

“So you can cure Caleb?” Santos’ jaw dropped as he realized the implication.

Asa’s brows drew together. “I hope so. Fixing mental health issues is a far cry from… say, healing a torn neck artery.”

This time, Santos and Giles were stunned by the confession.

“I thought that wound looked like it should have been a lot worse,” the doctor muttered.

“I’ve only helped out two others with depression. Neither of them had the added complication of heavy metal poisoning. I’ll be honest, I don’t know if it will work, but I’m willing to try. The thing is, I’ll need help. From what I know already, it will be a daunting task. I can’t risk doing permanent damage.”

“Tell us what you need. We’ll do whatever is necessary to assist,” Giles assured them.

Caleb squeezed Asa’s hand tighter. “I don’t want you risking yourself if it’s that dangerous.”

“Pftt, there’s no way I’m not doing this. You know as well as I do that we can’t complete the mating bond until this is resolved.”

“What if it’s not? What if it doesn’t work?” Caleb countered.

“Failure is not an option.” The sheer confidence Asa exuded stunned Caleb. How did this man whom he’d known for a day have such an impact on him?

“What’s involved in the process?” Giles asked.

“It’s complicated. It’s not a bone that I can manipulate the cells to repair itself. First, I’ll have to draw out the poison. That will be the easy part. The hardest part is rewiring Caleb’s brain to process his thoughts differently. Think of it as a huge hotel or cruise ship. Each room holds thoughts and emotions. Right now, all of those are jumbled up. So, picture happiness trying to get to the elevator. Instead of a straight shot down the hallway, it has to maneuver its way through a dining room of depression, a conference room of sadness, or a theater of anxiety. It may or may not hit a dead-end corridor filled with fear. Get the picture?”

Caleb felt his heart rate spike as the scope of his mental illness truly hit him. “How the fuck are you going to untangle that?”

“One room at a time. I’ll use my light to reroute and boost the positive energy inside you. Basically, clean out all the black rooms and open the curtains.”

“How long will it take?” Santos questioned.

“I have no idea.”

Caleb blinked. Well, that wasn’t encouraging. Asa didn’t look at him. He was holding something back. “When do you want to try it?”

“Not today.” Asa looked outside at the dark clouds. “I need a bright sunny day to draw as much energy from the sun as possible.”

Caleb watched as Giles and Santos took out their phones to check the forecast.

“Overcast the next two days, but Saturday looks good,” Giles said.

“Saturday it is,” Asa agreed.