The Light at the End of the Tunnel - 4. Chapter 4

Asa stared wide-eyed at Caleb’s back as he bolted across the dusty yard. In the distance, he heard Giles shouting at the man to stop. What the hell just happened? His body vibrated as the urge to run after the shifter nearly overwhelmed him.

Jorge!” Giles yelled toward the open window behind them.

The Beta’s footsteps thundered across the floor from inside before appearing by Giles’ side, his gaze frantically darted around. “What happened?”

Giles shook his head. “Caleb bolted. He freaked out when he realized Asa is his mate.”

Asa’s head whipped around. “What?” Mate? As in the fated-to-be-together-for-the-rest-of-their-lives type of mate? Nope. Not possible. Was it?

“Go get Santos,” Giles instructed. “We might need him if Caleb reinjured anything.”

Inhaling sharply, Asa’s heart lurched at the thought of Caleb hurting himself again. “Is he going to be okay?”

Giles shrugged. “Just when I thought things were finally settling down with Caleb, Fate goes and throws us a huge monkey wrench.”

“I’m sorry.”

The Alpha stiffened, and his brows pinched. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Aw, hell. I’m going about this all wrong. Do you realize the significance of what happened?”

“Yes.” Asa sighed, the air leaving his lungs in an annoyed huff. “I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were. Look, Asa, up until five minutes ago, you were the pack farrier and blacksmith. Now, you’re the mate of someone who, if I had my way, would be part of my pack. Caleb might not be an official member yet, but I’ve assumed responsibility for his well-being. Granted, I’ve done a pretty shit job of it until recently. I thought I’d made a little bit of progress. Obviously, I was wrong.”

The tension in Asa’s shoulder abated. Giles was a good man. At least now he understood why his reaction to Caleb was so intense when he found his wolf yesterday and why he’d been so eager to return today.

“Look, I’m more familiar with the supernatural world than you realize,” he told Giles. “I know it’s your job as an Alpha to protect your pack. I get it. I’ll come clean about what I know and how I fit in, but not until I explain it to Caleb first. If we are mates, like you say, my primary obligation is to him.”

“I understand where you’re coming from. If I don’t shift and go after your mate, I’m not sure you’ll ever get to talk to him about it. Once I drag him back, we’ll have a sit-down.”

“Giles? Don’t force him. He ran for a reason. If he needs time, I’m alright with it.”

A look of relief crossed Giles’ face. “You’re a good man, Asa. But Caleb is a big boy. He needs to act it. His wolf won’t stand to be neglected much longer. If I didn't address this, I’d be remiss as an Alpha.”

Nodding, Asa watched as Giles quickly stripped and shifted. The big wolf took off at a steady lope across the yard, heading toward the lane leading to Caleb’s cabin. Taking a seat, he shook his head.

Goddamn! A mate. Even though he was part of the supernatural world, his ability wasn’t something he advertised. Other than a few family members, no one else knew. He never thought he’d be fated to a wolf shifter in a million years.

Turning his face to the sun, he soaked in the rays, letting the heat soothe him. Needing to know what was going on with Caleb and also needing to be close by in case something went wrong, Asa let the light take over.

He vanished in a flash of brightness, becoming one with the luminescence surrounding him. It took a mere nanosecond for him to find Caleb. His senses picked up on Giles’ wolf approaching. The shaggy beast slowed to a jog as he neared, stopping a few feet away before shifting back.

Asa's ability as a light shifter made him invisible unless someone noticed a slight shimmer in the air, resembling heat waves on a hot desert highway. For now, he merely observed, not wanting to intrude. Once he was sure Caleb wasn’t in danger, he would let Giles do his job as Alpha and head back to the house.

“Caleb? Are you alright?”

“No, Giles. I’m not alright. I have a fucking human mate. There’s nothing right about it. I can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

Asa held his energy still. It was precisely what he was wondering. Even though he did not have senses in the traditional form as light, he could still process and understand what occurred around him. Specific nuances could only be ascertained once he was back in his solid embodiment and could process information his light form stored, but other than that, Asa could discern what was going on.

“Look at me, Giles. I’m a fucking mess! I can’t take care of myself. How the hell can I take care of a mate?”

“What makes you think you have to?”

“What do you mean?”

Giles crossed his arms and widened his stance, emphasizing his dominance. “Asa doesn’t strike me as the type who needs anyone to take care of him. Maybe he’s supposed to be taking care of you?”

If light was capable of smiling, then Asa smiled. Giles had this under control. Before anyone realized he was gone, he materialized on the porch, solid once more. He was confident Giles would be back with Caleb shortly.

His prediction rang true twenty minutes later when Jorge, who’d just gotten back from fetching Santos, jogged down the porch steps with a spare set of clothes and quickly waved as he got into one of the pack’s trucks.

It wasn’t long before they returned. Caleb kept his gaze lowered as he exited the back of the vehicle. Asa watched as Giles touched Caleb’s arm and spoke softly. Caleb looked at Asa, then nodded.

Once again, Asa inhaled sharply as Caleb approached. He caught the scent of something warm and enticing. He couldn’t quite place it, though. It would come to him eventually. Regardless, he knew the smell came from his mate.

His eyes never left Caleb’s face, even though the man wouldn’t look directly at him. His shifter climbed the porch stairs and stopped a few feet away. Caleb’s nostrils flared as his wolf did a little scenting of his own.

“I’m sorry,” Caleb said, staring at the weathered wood planks under his feet.

“Look at me,” Asa commanded. He knew his mate was an Alpha, but being the one who held control thrilled him. His belly fluttered as Caleb’s eyes flickered up and briefly met his. “Tell me why you’re sorry.”

Caleb looked down at the floor again. Asa cleared his throat. He smiled at the hint of defiance reflected in his mate’s eyes as they locked gazes. It was then that he realized Caleb had stunning eyes. The outer portion of the iris was green, while the innermost ring surrounding his pupils was a warm amber.

“I’m sorry I ran. I was taken by surprise, and I don’t do well with surprises.”

“Apology accepted.”

Caleb’s brows drew together, and his jaw tensed. Did he not believe Asa? Before he could pursue anything, Santos stuck his head out the door.

“Caleb? Is it okay if I take a quick look at you? I want to make sure you didn’t reinjure anything.”

Caleb nodded and allowed the doctor to prod his neck where a still angry-looking red welt betrayed the fact it had only been a day since he’d been shot. Asa didn’t miss the slight wince that crossed Caleb’s face as Santos’ fingers pressed against the tender area.

“Well, it’s still a bit inflamed. My orders still stand. Another night under supervision is required.”

Asa bit back a smile as what might have been a look of relief washed across Caleb’s face. He clearly thought the supervision would be under Giles. Oh, wiping that expression off his face was going to be fun.

“Does it matter where this supervision takes place?” Asa asked, never taking his eyes from Caleb’s. Caleb’s face paled, making Asa grin. Behind him, Giles chuckled.

Santos snorted. “Nope. If you’d like to do the honors, be my guest. Giles will give you my number in case you encounter any complications.”

“Well,” Giles said. “It seems you have everything under control. C’mon, Doc. I don’t think we’re needed right now. Our conversation can wait.” As they left, Asa’s phone pinged with the doctor’s information.

Asa leaned against one of the support columns, crossing his right ankle in front of the left. His eyes shone with amusement as Caleb’s lips thinned with the reality of his predicament.

“What do you say we get out of here? It’s a forty-minute ride to my place. I’ll give you that time to figure out what you will explain to me tonight,” he said. “Don’t worry, I’ve got my own secrets, which I’ll tell you. One thing you need to get straight right now– if this mate thing is going to work, I expect complete honesty. There can’t be any lying or even withholding the truth. I put up with it once. I’m not going to do it again.”

Caleb looked at him with a guarded expression. Asa was willing to bare his soul to this man, but he expected the same and wouldn’t settle for less.

After a long moment, Caleb nodded. “Okay.”

Asa led the way to his truck. He refrained from acting on the urge to open Caleb’s door for him, knowing it wouldn’t be well-received. Instead, he walked to the driver’s side and slid behind the wheel.

The ride to his place was silent. He let Caleb get lost in his own thoughts. Excitement coursed its way through his body. The man sitting next to him felt right. It was as if he didn’t know he was missing anything in his life until yesterday.

The sun set as they drove along the two-lane highway. Breaking the silence, he grabbed his phone from the console and offered it to Caleb. “The unlock code is 1024. Can you call Beef & Reef and order some takeout? I like just about everything on their menu except the coconut shrimp. Get a variety if you want. Leftovers are always good.”

Caleb ordered a couple of appetizers and four different entrees. He seemed to be as familiar with their menu as Asa was. The restaurant was on the way, only a few minutes from his house, so the food wouldn’t get cold propped between Caleb’s feet.

Asa pulled into his driveway with the aroma of meat and fried fish permeating his truck, making his mouth water. Caleb grabbed the bags of food so Asa could slot his key into the front door. Swinging it open, he swept his hand out in a welcoming gesture. “Mi casa es tu casa,” he announced as Caleb followed him inside.

He led the way to the kitchen, nodding at the island. Caleb set the food down while Asa pulled plates from the cupboard before reaching into a drawer to get some silverware.

“Beer?” he asked.

“Sure.”

Asa twisted off the cap of the cold brew before setting it down on the counter near Caleb, who was busy unpacking the food containers. He waited for Caleb to help himself before loading his plate with some of everything.

The first bite wasn’t even halfway to his lips before Caleb spoke. “So, what’s your deal?”

Deliberately, Asa raised his fork and took the steak into his mouth. He chewed slowly, licking his lips after swallowing the tender meat.

“I’m a light shifter.”

Caleb’s eyes widened comically. His jaw went slack before slamming shut, then opened again to say, “Come again? You’re a what?”

Totally worth the shock value to see his mate flustered. Chuckling, he repeated, “I’m a light shifter.”

The man stared at him. Comprehension was as far away as the next galaxy over. Sensing that his mate’s patience was stretched thin, Asa explained, “I can become one with any form of light. I blend in with sunlight, lamplight, and even firelight. Fluorescent, LED or just a plain old flashlight is all I need to disappear.”

“I’ve never heard of such a thing. That’s—amazing. Can I see?”

Wow. Asa didn’t expect that. He turned his face to the recessed lights overhead and allowed his body to transform. His energy hovered for nearly a minute before he morphed back. He loved the look of wonder on Caleb’s face.

“Okay, now it’s your turn. What’s your story, Caleb?”

The look of wonder immediately slid off his mate’s face, replaced by a stormy expression. As much as it pained him to do so, Asa prodded. “No secrets, remember?”

Caleb sagged as he dropped his head. He took a quick breath and blew it out in a soft puff. “Can we sit down somewhere more comfortable? This will take a while.”

Abandoning the food, Asa grabbed their beers and led the way to his living room. He sat on one end of the couch, allowing Caleb to choose wherever he would be most comfortable. He was pleased when his mate decided to sit at the opposite end of the sofa.

Caleb stared at the floor for a moment before speaking. “I betrayed my pack. I chose to betray them deliberately, and in the process, I nearly got a lot of people, including kids, killed.”

Asa’s heart squeezed at the confession. Betrayal? He knew wolf shifters held loyalty in the highest regard. What could have happened to make Caleb feel the need to betray his pack?

When Asa didn’t respond, Caleb dared to glance at him. It was challenging to decipher what might be going on in the Alpha’s mind.

Asa kept his expression neutral. “Tell me what happened.”

It was as if a dam broke, and when Caleb started speaking, he didn’t stop for quite a while. Asa let him get it all out uninterrupted.

“It started nearly fifteen years ago. I had a one-night stand with a mated shifter. Unbeknownst to me, she got pregnant. I didn’t know she was married until she showed up on my doorstep with my son when he was four. Her pack was involved in some illegal activity, and she feared for their lives. She left Vann with me, and it was a good thing she did. Her entire pack was annihilated.

“I thought I wasn’t ready to be a father. I was by myself, running a pack of nearly six hundred. It took everything I had to make things run smoothly. Instead of manning up like I should have, I found a foster family to raise my son. They loved him but knew I wouldn’t permit them to adopt him. Sure, I kept an eye on him. It worked, too. He grew up to be a happy, well-adjusted kid. He made friends easily and got good grades. I’m proud of him.

“Last fall, Oswald Belland, the second highest-ranked High Council member, approached me. He was acting on behalf of the senior-most member, Harold Alberts. As we now know, Alberts was instrumental in exploiting and hybridizing adolescent shifter pups. He had Belland approached me with the sole intention of blackmailing me into cooperating with them. You see, my pack was large enough to be able to outsource resources. Resources in the form of highly educated individuals with the skills he needed to implement his sick plan. So, he kidnapped Vann in order to get me to cooperate. He also threatened the members of my pack who had the education he needed to do his so-called research.”

Caleb reached for his beer, which Asa had placed on the table next to him when they’d first sat down. After a few long swallows, he continued.

“After they kidnapped Vann, they waited several weeks before contacting me. They knew I'd be desperate by the time they reached out and would do anything to ensure Vann’s safety. They hit where they knew it would hurt the most. They made me listen to them torturing my son. For as long as I live, I will never be able to get the sound of his screams out of my head. It nearly killed me.”

The anguish that rolled off Caleb was nearly palpable, and Asa wanted to comfort him but knew he would be rebuffed. It took a minute before Caleb could compose himself enough to continue.

“They coerced me further and convinced me it was in Vann’s best interest to cooperate. To drive the point home, they sent a hunter into my territory as a message. Alberts knew he had me—hook, line, and sinker. It was easier to give them the information they wanted. I threw a young shapeshifter under the bus for my own gain. And the worst part? Elijah forgave me. He showed up here a couple of months ago with an old pack member and his mate. They were concerned about me.”

A sob tore from his mate. Asa reached out a hand, but Caleb shook his head.

“I don’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness. I selfishly chose not to tell my Beta what was going on. I thought I could handle it on my own. Wayne and Sandi would’ve been the first to rally the entire pack behind me. Now, I can’t bear the thought of them ever seeing me again. To make matters even worse, Vann doesn’t know I’m his biological father. I took the cowardly way out again and asked the Alpha who replaced me, and his mate, to take care of him. His foster parents didn’t think they were the right people to help him deal with the trauma of his kidnapping. So yeah, the Alpha who took over my pack is now the primary father figure to my son, too. It doesn’t get much more fucked-up than that.

“On top of everything, my head is so messed up. I can’t stop thinking it would be better for everyone if I weren’t here anymore. There’s a darkness that overwhelms any happy thought I try to come up with. It feels like another person is living in my head, someone not very nice. Giles wants me to see a therapist, which I’ve agreed to, but I don’t think it will help. Honestly, nothing can help.”

Caleb looked at him for the first time since starting his story. The pain Asa saw behind those beautiful orbs took his breath away. Still, he said nothing. He didn’t dare reach out and touch him, even though every fiber of his being wanted to do so. His mate needed to get it all out there.

“Sebastian should have killed me. He would have been justified. Our pack laws even dictate it. Instead, he spared my life, believing he was being compassionate. In reality, living this way is worse than death. I stopped looking in the mirror. I hate the man I see there. Every single day, I wish for the pain to stop. My thoughts are a total chaotic clusterfuck most days. I’m not fit to be around others, yet I can’t make Giles understand it. So, as punishment, I force myself to follow his rules and attend the pack functions he asks me to. I put on a fake smile. I talk to them with feigned interest. I choke down meals because I can’t even bring myself to enjoy food.

“Do you want to know the real reason I haven’t killed myself yet? Because I think about it. Not a day goes by that I don’t picture myself blowing my head clean off, but I don’t want someone else to deal with the mess I’ll leave behind. No. I keep myself alive because living is the worst punishment I can think of. Dying is too easy. I deserve to suffer. I deserve the darkness inside me. But you know what? You don’t deserve it. I can’t claim you as my mate. Denying the claim will make me hurt and ache. My wolf will hate me more than he does now.

“Imagine living with another being’s consciousness inside you and having that being project nothing but malice and vitriol at you every day. That is my reality. My wolf hates me. You need to take me back to my place, drive away, and never look back. You’re not an animal shifter. The negative impact will be negligible—a little bit of sadness for a while, but it will pass. Find someone who can love you and embrace the light you are. It’s not me. I’ll only encompass you in my darkness. I won’t do that to you. Freedom from me is the only thing I can give you.”

Silence settled over them. It was thick and tempered with an almost palpable heaviness. Asa allowed it to hang, unaddressed for several heartbeats. Seeing Caleb's raw, vulnerable state brought out an overwhelming urge to protect the man.

“Are you done?” he asked gently.

Caleb nodded, eyes focused on the floor.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. I can see how difficult it was, and I won’t judge you. Granted, I don’t agree with everything you said, but we can address those issues one at a time. There’s immense pain in you, and I want to help.”

Asa waited as Caleb finally found the strength, or maybe it was courage, to look at him.

“You can’t help me, Asa. No one can.”

“Why don’t you let me be the one to decide what I can and can not do? I think I may surprise you.”

“What? Are you some sort of therapist, too? A two-for-one deal? Hey everyone! Bring your horse in for a hoof trim and get a free therapy session. Offer only valid this month!”

An unexpected bark of laughter escaped Asa. Even though he knew Caleb was being totally sarcastic, he could clearly picture a billboard advertisement for his services, a la psychic hotline style.

Asa shook his head. “No, I’m not a therapist,” he replied, his laughter dwindling at his mate’s serious expression. “I am a good listener, though, and I heard everything you said. I’m also good at reading between the lines. Did you ever think there might be another reason for how your brain is currently operating?’

Slowly, Caleb blinked. “What other reason could there be? Donovan gave me a thorough physical before I left Montana. He found nothing wrong with me.”

“That doesn’t mean there isn’t an underlying cause. It just means he wasn’t looking in the right places.”

“Well, two doctors can’t be wrong. Santos gave me a complete workup when I got here. He even ran blood tests. You’re barking up the wrong tree.”

“Maybe. Before I get to that, will you listen to what I have to say?”

“Are you going to tell me I’m wrong about how I feel and how you think we need to give this mate thing a chance?” Caleb accused.

Shrugging, Asa replied, “You are wrong, and we do need to give this mate thing a chance. First, I’d like you to listen to what I have to say. Please give me the same courtesy and don’t interrupt.”

He had to bite the inside of his cheek as he unmistakably heard Caleb mutter under his breath, “Bossy.”

“I’ll take that as a yes. So you betrayed your pack? You’re an asshole for doing that. You did it to protect your son, making you a hero.”

Caleb’s head whipped up from looking at the floor, and his eyes widened. As his mouth opened, Asa shushed him.

“You did what any loving parent would have done. No decent mom or dad out there wouldn’t sacrifice themselves for their child. Your dilemma came from having a direct conflict of interest because of your position as Alpha. As I understand shifter dynamics, an Alpha is supposed to assume responsibility for the entirety of his pack. Impossible, if you ask me. Especially when there are six hundred of you.

“At some point, your pack has to take responsibility for themselves. You said Belland and Alberts needed specialized skills that members of your pack had. That, right there, is when the well-being of the individuals involved should have become accountable to themselves. As an Alpha, you had to ensure the pack's safety. It should have been directly on the shoulders of those with the needed skills to choose whether they should participate in whatever Belland and Alberts offered. It also should have been their decision to come to you or not. Then, you could have made an informed decision based on those facts.

“They were like conductors in a world-famous orchestra, playing you like a fine-tuned instrument. You were the middle schooler on his first day in band class. You can’t make music if you don’t know how to read the notes. It was a game to them— one you had no chance of winning. Listen, I understand why you did what you did. What I don’t understand is how you let everything fester so long. I don’t want an answer to that. It’s between you and yourself.

“Now, whether or not you’re deserving of forgiveness? It’s not up to you to decide. Your friends have the right to make up their own minds. The darkness and hatred you feel is something else. It needs to be addressed. I’m not convinced you have such infinite darkness within you that you’re beyond hope. Look at me.”

Asa waited for Caleb to swing his eyes in his direction. The hurt still lingered there. He scooted across the middle cushion of the couch and stopped just shy of actually coming into contact with the other man.

“I’m not afraid of the dark. I’m asking for a chance. One kiss. It's all I want. After, if you want me to take you back to the ranch and turn my back on you forever, I will. I promise. Deal?”

He held his breath as Caleb thought about the offer. His heart soared when the man nodded. Asa closed the distance and didn’t take his eyes off his mate as he brought himself closer. A mere fraction of an inch separated their lips. Caleb’s breath was hot against him. Not able to wait for another second, he fused their mouths together.

They were instantly shrouded in bright light. New leather and sweet coconut—his brain finally placed the scent that eluded him earlier. That’s what Caleb smelled like. Asa’s hands came up to cup Caleb’s face. He drew back abruptly as images assaulted his brain.

He gasped, his eyes a myriad of emotions. “You’ve been poisoned.”