Connor and the Wolves - 39. Doctor's Advice

“Well, look who remembered where he lives.”
Connor bit back a grumble as he shuffled into the kitchen. He’d been in bed by eleven. It was seven now. That was eight hours, so why was he still so tired? Pouring a cup of coffee, he emptied a container of vanilla creamer inside. It was the only way he could drink the stuff; River’s coffee was like motor oil. But at least it provided the kick he needed to wake up.
“You weren’t home when I got back,” Connor pointed out tiredly.
River glowered at his son.
“No. I was at a meeting. But my whereabouts are not on trial here.”
“Can we do this later? I’m going to be late,” Connor yawned, trudging back to the bedroom.
“Halt,” River barked. Connor froze. “Turn around.” Reluctantly, he turned on his heel. Biting back a sigh, Connor waited for his father’s tirade.
River stepped toward him, staring into his eyes.
“Where were you?” he demanded.
“Khurtschono invited me to dinner. With Soren. It was the only chance I had to patch things up with him,” Connor said. “I sent you a message, but you never responded, so I thought you were fine with it.”
“Who is this… Kurt?”
“She’s a friend from SoA. We’ve known each other for over a year now. She just moved to West Astara.” The sigh broke free as Connor crossed his arms. “She’s an Ythin neko, calico, transgender. Her mother is a farrier and her father is a doctor. She plays the viola, and is on Elias Academy’s track team. Can I go now?”
Thank fuck for the standard boyfriend Q&A. He’d have never known any of that if the night hadn’t been spent asking and answering questions. Well, except for the viola part.
“From now on, you get my verbal permission before you stay out late,” River growled. “Go.”
Whirling around, Connor hurried into the bedroom. He was late — he’d wanted to get a bit of jogging in before school. The coffee was already starting to kick in, and he dressed quickly. Minutes later, he had his bag slung across his shoulder and was heading out the door.
“I’ll see you after school,” River called.
“Actually, I was going to stop by Soren’s house-”
“I will see you after school,” River repeated with a growl.
“Yes sir.” Connor stepped into the hall, closing the door behind him. “Fuck!”

Connor was going to be sick.
Pictures flashed on his computer screen, images of guts spilling from fish bellies and knives covered in blood. Khurtschono wanted him to do this? He wasn’t Soren; he couldn’t butcher an animal to make food.
“Oh my gods, Connor!” Brienne sat at the table across from him, slapping her lunch tray down. “Can’t you just look at porn like a normal guy?”
“Decided to take a break,” Connor said, scanning through instructions. “Too sore.”
In hindsight, maybe he shouldn’t have looked this up during lunch. Now he had no appetite at all. But lunch was the only time he’d get to research. Knowing River, he probably wouldn’t get a chance to try catching a fish until Varyal, after the race. And how was he supposed to get a fish from the river to his mom’s house without it starting to rot?
“So what’s making you go all feral?” Brienne asked as Dylan dropped into the seat beside her.
“I sort of kind of insulted my boyfriend, so I’m trying to make it up to him.”
“By showering him with fish guts?” Brienne shook her head. “Gods, men are weird.”
“Hey!” Dylan pouted.
“Hey what? I don’t see a horse around here.” Brienne turned on Connor. “And when the fuck did you get a boyfriend, Connor?”
“Last Varyal. Wolf claimed me. You’d know this if you hadn’t missed the race and cost us the relays,” Connor scowled.
“Last Varyal, I was in the hospital with Dylan.” Brienne glared at Connor.
“What? Why? Are you okay?”
Dylan shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay. And I’m not showering him with fish guts,” Connor added, glaring at Brienne. “I tried getting a bouquet of flowers from a florist and the asshole gave me wolfsbane. So I’m trying a different approach. Hopefully, if I can stomach all this killing and cleaning, I’ll make a nice dinner for him.”
“Who are you killing?” A monotone voice asked.
“Holy fuck!” Connor whirled, finding Jason and Devyn sitting beside him. “Gods, Dogmeat. Clear your throat or something.”
The neko scowled at Connor and turned to his lunch.
“I’m going fishing,” Connor said.
“For fuck’s sake Connor, there are these things called grocery stores, where you can buy a fish already prepared for cooking. You don’t have to go all Erica the Barbarian on one.” Breinne grimaced, staring at her food.
“He’s… sensitive about money,” Connor explained.
“Because of course he is. Just buy the fish and tell him you caught it. I doubt he’d notice.”
“But that’s lying,” Devyn spoke up.
“Exactly,” Connor said. “Thank you, Devyn.” He shut down his laptop and shoved it into his bag. “Anyway, I need to go beg Alastair’s forgiveness for being gone the other day. Wish me luck.”
Really, he should have done this yesterday, but with all the agony over Soren, Connor hadn’t been anywhere near the right mental state to grovel to the coach.
“I’ll bring a rag to wipe your face after you kiss his butt,” Brienne said.
Rolling his eyes, Connor left the cafeteria. He turned toward the gym and paused. He was short on time; he needed to make the most of it. And there was something he really needed to do.
Steeling his nerves, Connor turned around. Soon, he stood in front of the WolfRoom, reaching for the doorknob.
“Ah, Connor.”
Connor yelped, spinning around. Dr. Marin stood behind him, a smile on his lips.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. Were you looking for me?”
“Um… yeah,” Connor said, his heart pounding in his chest.
“To be honest, I’ve been meaning to talk to you. Why don’t we go inside?” Dr. Marin opened the door, motioning for Connor to head inside. “Go ahead and make yourself comfortable.”
Connor took a deep breath, dropping into a beanbag chair. The WolfRoom looked the same as it had the last time he was in here, except for the absence of Blake.
“So, Connor. I heard you’ve been claimed by a werewolf.”
Wow, getting right to the issue at hand….
“Yeah.” Connor sighed, scratching the back of his head. “We’ve already been on a couple of dates, and I really like him.”
“Well, that’s good to hear. Is everything going well with your parents? I know having their son be claimed might be rough, especially for Wolf Patrol guards.”
“I… um… I haven’t told either of them,” Connor admitted. “Dad thinks he’s just a mage, and Mom hasn’t met him yet.”
“Mm….” Dr. Marin poured a cup of hot water and dipped a teabag. “I can understand your decision to keep your claim from your parents. But you do understand that this will only make matters worse when your parents find out, right? Not only are you mated to a werewolf, you also lied.”
“I was hoping they wouldn’t find out until I was able to live on my own,” Connor said. “Um… would there be a way to keep the fact that I’m a werewolf from them? I mean, I know about wolfsbane, but is that safe?”
Dr. Marin frowned. Sitting in a seat across from Connor, he sighed quietly.
“Okay. One thing at a time here. Are you a werewolf?”
“No,” Connor said quickly. “At least… not yet? Soren said he can’t turn me.”
“Understandable,” Dr. Marin replied. “It’s a huge responsibility. He’s already claimed you, but that’s just a claim. It could be revoked at any time, by either one of you, if you two don’t work out as a couple. But once you catch lycanthropy, there’s no going back.”
“But I want to be a werewolf.”
“You do?” Dr. Marin’s frown deepened. He leaned forward, studying Connor. “I mean, it’s not unusual for mates to decide they want to be a werewolf. But you’ve only known Soren for… five days now? I cannot condone becoming a werewolf this early in your relationship. You really should wait until you are certain of this path.”
“What if Soren was only part of the reason?”
“Please, explain.”
Connor took a deep breath. He let it out slowly, trying to gather his thoughts.
“Well… to be honest, I’d been thinking about what it would be like to be a werewolf before I met Soren. It hadn’t quite reached the point of actually wanting to be a werewolf, but I was… a little above neutral about it, if that makes sense.”
“Sure,” Dr. Marin said. “You weren’t against the idea, but not entirely sold either. If asked to become a werewolf, do you think you would have said yes?”
Connor shrugged.
“I… really can’t say,” he admitted. “When Soren claimed me, there was this moment of panic — I mean, if my dad found out, he’d probably kick me out. But at the same time, there was a… well, pretty much a thrill. A lot of excitement.”
Dr. Marin nodded slowly.
“Both fear and excitement can release a lot of endorphins. It’s why skydivers enjoy plummeting to the ground, why people enjoy riding roller coasters. And it means the two emotions can occasionally be mistaken for each other. Your excitement could have just been fear. Or your fear could have been the excitement of the unknown.”
Connor frowned, contemplating this new thought. He was definitely afraid of River finding out. Was that all this was? Just the fear of being caught? But he’d really enjoyed being with Soren. Wasn’t that reason enough to go through with this, so he and Soren could be together during full moons?
“Okay, let me ask you something, Connor.” Dr. Marin stared at him, his eyes piercing through Connor. “If we removed Soren from the equation, would you still want to be a werewolf?”
“But Soren is a part of the equation,” Connor pointed out. “A huge part.”
“He is, but he shouldn’t be,” Dr. Marin said. “This is a decision you need to make for yourself, because you want it, not because it might benefit your mate.”
What did he want? Connor stared at his hands, trying to unravel his thoughts. How could he take Soren away from his choice? Soren was the whole reason he wanted to be a werewolf.
Or was he?
The chime rang, yanking Connor from his thoughts. Dr. Marin stood up with a soft groan.
“I’ll tell you what,” he said. “Stop by sometime, and sit in on a class. You can talk to some werewolves. Maybe they can help you. Above all else, this is not a decision to take lightly. You cannot go back, so you need to be absolutely, 100% certain that this is the choice you wish to make.”
“Thanks. I’ll do that.”
An elf poked her head through the open door. Connor smiled wanly at her as he slipped out of the room. He hurried toward the gym, his mind whirling.
What did he really want?