Twinks in Space: Fantastic Voyage - Part Two - 38. Chapter 38 - A New Meditation

Nunta was staring at the doorframe where Stawren had just exited, and her mouth was hanging open.

“Want to help me pack a bag?” Lyoth offered gently. “We have some things for you.”

She turned to him with her jaw still down, and she nodded.

“Okay, here you go. Hold this open.” He handed her a large duffle and turned to one of the storage compartments. “We’ve got some clothes for you. And as far as food, I know they’re not much, but here are three ration packs. I can give you some money as well, for when you need more food or supplies, but ration packs will tide you over as needed. They’re not very good,” he admitted with a chuckle.

Nunta spoke up, “Lyoth, what if you’re wrong about everything?”

He turned to her with a gentle smile. “Would you like me to do the thought experiment on myself?”

Nunta nodded again.

“Okay, so, what if I’m wrong?” he repeated. “What would prove to me everything we talked about was wrong?” He paused for a moment. “Mama would actually need to be a goddess, in order to prove to me that she was indeed Mama goddess, instead of just being some manipulative woman living out in the forest who’d given herself a fancy name.” Lyoth smirked. “Also, if Stawren had not been able to knock her out…” He snickered.

Nunta furrowed her brow. “But what about everyone’s sins?”

Lyoth continued in his casual tone. “Well, I suppose sin would have to be a real thing, but the whole concept of sin is a device used to exert control over others. Mama’s not cleansing anything from the universe. All the guilt and shame that you’ve been convinced to feel over your actions and thoughts should be grounded in evil deeds, but you haven’t done anything wrong, and I myself don’t feel any guilt for simply living.” Lyoth let out a sad sigh. “Mama goddess wants us to feel bad over eating ham and eggs, over loving someone who isn’t her, over making decisions for ourselves.” He paused and added, “To me that’s cruelty, trying to make people feel bad for existing. It’s not godly to abstain from good things; abstinence can be villainous and is often a corrupt ideal, if it’s used to control people.”

Nunta frowned in thought and Lyoth chuckled as he continued. “Mama goddess would need to allow me to live my life as I see fit, to love whom I choose, and to love them with reckless abandon. I would need to be allowed to question Mama goddess and everything she says without fear of reprisal or punishment. I would need to have all the freedoms I have right now to even consider Mama a decent person, never mind a goddess.”

Lyoth reached out and took the young woman’s hand in his. “Nunta, you deserve your freedom. You are worthy of getting away from that situation. Don’t kid yourself that Mama has anything but selfish intentions. None of you Children are at the center of her heart, because Mama only has space for herself.”

Lyoth released Nunta’s hand and grabbed a few more supplies out of the storage compartment.

“But what if you’re wrong?” Nunta asked again. “I know Stawren punched her, but what if you’re wrong?”

Lyoth looked at Nunta with a small smile. “Those words keep repeating in your heart. I think you need a new meditation.” He spoke with a robotic forced-monotone, “Stawren knocked out Mama… Stawren knocked out Mama… Stawren knocked out Mama.” He laughed again and continued in his normal voice. “The recurring doubts you feel are at the foundation of your beliefs in Mama goddess. She needed you to start doubting reality at the very beginning of your time with her, so eventually even the most obvious things would seem like impossibilities to you. You’re going to have to retrain your brain to think different thoughts.”

Nunta did not understand. “How do I train my brain?”

Lyoth explained. “Your current thought pattern is, what if Lyoth’s disbelief in Mama is wrong?” He brought a hand to his own chest. “But what if you use that same thought pattern positioned in your mind a little differently.”

“What do you mean?”

Lyoth held up a pencil and pointed it at himself. “That can mean a few different things, but like we talked about with the thought experiment, what if instead of my disbelief in Mama being wrong, what if it’s that your belief in Mama is wrong?” He turned the pencil to face Nunta. “Or, what if Mama herself is wrong?” He pointed away from them both. “Maybe she truly believes in all the things she claims to be, but what if she’s just incorrect?”

Nunta huffed and grumbled, “It’s easier to question if others are wrong.”

Lyoth laughed. “That’s very true. It’ll take work on your part to reframe your thinking. Maybe you should start with Alihte, your mother. You’ve believed for a long time that Mama goddess had your best interests at heart, but what if the truth is that your real mother is the one who has love and good intentions for you? Alihte is not perfect, and she’s got a lot to make up for; she’ll still make mistakes, and she’ll need you to help her, but Mama goddess only took from you. She never cared about refilling your heart, Nunta, and your mother wants you to be free.”

Nunta looked like she did not want to talk about her mother, and her tone became harsher again. “You make it sound like believing in a higher power is wrong. What’s wrong with believing in something bigger than myself? I wake up every morning and pray to the universe what can I learn from Mama goddess each day.”

Lyoth rubbed his chin. “Do you want to know what I think, what I actually believe?”

Nunta looked surprised as she answered, “Yes, I do.” She stared at him.

“I don’t believe in the gods, any of them. I don’t believe in anything super in the natural, meaning, I do not believe in the supernatural. But that doesn’t mean I don’t believe. I may not believe in a higher power or an all-powerful energy, and I may not believe that there’s a great Spirit or a universal Source, but I do believe in something higher than myself.”

Nunta interrupted. “I thought you just said you don’t believe in a higher power.”

“You’re right, I don’t. What I do believe in,” Lyoth explained, “is a higher version of myself. I believe in my future self, and following the intention behind your morning exercise, I could wake up and ask my future self what I have to learn from each day. I’m not dead,” Lyoth stated with a laugh, “and therefore, I still have a future, to some degree. Even if I were to die tonight, I’m alive now, so I obviously have a little more living to do, and along with that, a little more learning. Even if I do die tonight, the me who dies will inevitably have learned more than I know as me right now. My future self is more experienced and more knowledgeable than my present self, and so a higher version of myself is what I look to.”

Nunta was confused. “Well then how do you know right from wrong?”

Lyoth let out another cackle that almost made Nunta laugh again. “That’s the big question, isn’t it?” he asked. “Lots of people use words that sound very right, but they act in ways that are very wrong.”

“You ask a lot of questions,” Nunta declared with an annoyed purse of her lips.

Lyoth laughed again. “I think a simple way to view right and wrong is in terms of harm. If an action harms someone against their will, it’s probably a wrong action. I’ve tried to help as many people as I can throughout my life.” He smiled. “Goodness comes from inside us.”