Permanently Black and Blue - 5. Chapter 5

Jesse couldn’t help himself. He was glad to see Shaun on the bus the next morning.

“Hey,” he said pleasantly when Shaun stopped and stood over him in the aisle.

Shaun pressed his lips together until they were white and bloodless. He screwed up his face with intense contemplation. He seemed to be having an intense mental debate.

Jesse watched him, confused. What the hell was happening?

The bus lurched forward and the spell was broken. Shaun tossed his bag into his customary seat at the very back and then he sat beside Jesse. Right beside him.

“Whatever,” Shaun grunted, but he was fighting a smile.

Shaun smelled nice today. Like soap. His hair wasn’t as tangled as usual. He was wearing a clean outfit, too. A hunter green thermal and dark jeans. Jesse bit his tongue seconds before he mentioned it. He didn’t want to embarrass Shaun by implying he normally smelled or that his clothes were a mess. So, Jesse beamed at him.

Shaun looked away and avoided his eyes. He was clearly embarrassed, despite Jesse’s attempt to spare him from that very thing.

Jesse felt his heart melt. There was something almost charming about Shaun that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. The whole fuck-off-and-die vibe Shaun gave off wasn’t as effective as he thought it was. At least, not to Jesse.

“Want to come over again today?” Jesse asked. It had been nice to have someone babysit with him and Shaun, even when he was being a grouch, was better company than a bunch of children.

“You only want me to come over because I’ve got weed.” Shaun said with a sour look.

“I wanted you to come over yesterday and I didn’t know you had any.” Jesse pointed out. Shaun made a face, but he dropped the issue. “So, can I expect you?”

“I fucking guess,” Shaun said grudgingly.

Jesse smiled. “Good.”

Jesse was an attractive, likeable guy who loved to socialize. He’d made lots of different friends over the years. There had never been a time he’d been attracted to someone like Shaun, though. He’d never had to beg someone to hang out with him.

Something felt right about snuggling up, physically as well as metaphorically to Shaun, though, and fuck what everyone else said or thought. Kenny and Emily both had tried to explain many times why he shouldn’t talk to him, but Jesse wouldn’t listen.

He didn’t care if Shaun was “weird”, or “mean”, or if he’d been in random fights with the other kids in the past. He didn’t give a damn. When Shaun was around, Jesse felt a whole lot better about…well, everything. And that’s all that mattered to him.

Jesse saw something in Shaun that no one else in this town did. He knew there was something amazing waiting under the many layers of Shaun’s icy exterior. He had a gut feeling he’d be rewarded in the end.

He brought up a random, school related topic, talking just to talk and Shaun listened, nodding in places, giving short “yes” or “no” answers when required.

The simple conversation about nothing warmed Jesse from the inside. No matter how uninterested Shaun appeared, Jesse knew he felt the connection between them. He was trying…just as hard as Jesse was to foster their budding relationship.

Jesse didn’t want to put a name to it yet, but it was obvious they were destined to be best friends.

Once they got to school Jesse trailed Shaun to his locker and then surprisingly, Shaun urged Jesse to his own.

“C’mon. We don’t have all day.”

We? Jesse smiled, he liked that, Shaun putting them together, even if it was only in word form.

“So sorry.” Jesse flashed a brilliant smile and led the way to his locker.

Astonishment was written all over Shaun’s face. It took him a moment to catch up, but he did. He fell in step beside Jesse and then waited next to him while Jesse got his books for class.

Jesse could barely hide his amusement. It was almost cute how Shaun pretended he didn’t care when Jesse could so clearly see that he did.

When the first bell rang, they split up to go to their classes, but Jesse wasn’t bothered. They’d see each other soon enough.

The rest of the day went well. Kenny and Emily dropped the Shaun issue, and though Kenny seemed distant, Emily was normal. She spent the entirety of history, English and lunch flirting with Jesse, which he saw as a win. He got the feeling Emily was hard to please, but she’d warmed up rather quickly. She’d been impressed with Jesse for coming to church Sunday and seemed even more so that he was going on Wednesday, as well.

If only all girls were so easy to please.

So, later, once Jesse got home and Shaun showed up, his clothes rumpled and his expression harried, Jesse was a little distressed when the first words out of his mouth were: “I can come over tomorrow, right?”

“I promised Emily I’d go to church with her,” Jesse said sheepishly.

“What?” Shaun spat. He grimaced and wrinkled his nose with disgust. Jesse wondered if he’d been rejected by Emily or something. That’s the only reason he could see for such a strong reaction.

“I have to,” Jesse hissed, mindful of the kids within earshot. “If I want to get in her pants, anyway.”

Shaun looked horrified but didn’t say anything else. Jesse felt terrible. He’d been trying to get Shaun to participate in their little “friendship” and now he was turning him down the first time he asked to hang out. Feeling like he needed to make it up to him somehow, Jesse touched Shaun’s shoulder and drew him upstairs.

“Don’t bother us,” he warned his little brother.

“Fuck you.” Sam mouthed after them.

“I thought you had to babysit,” Shaun bitched as he followed Jesse to his room.

“I trust Sam with the twins.”

They climbed into Jesse’s bed and sat side by side on the blankets. Shaun pouted. He looked miserable.

“Did you bring something to smoke?” Jesse asked.

“I thought we had to do it outside,” Shaun said in a whiny voice. Jesse figured he was being mocked.

“As long as we only do it in here, Mom won’t care,” Jesse lied. There was no such rule, but he’d deal with the consequences later. And maybe spray some air freshener or something.

Shaun immediately took out his weed. He set up a rolling station in his lap. His shoulders slumped inwards as he worked and his expression remained unhappy.

“Everything alright?” Jesse asked cautiously. “You were upset before I even mentioned Emily.”

“Grandma wants me to come to church tomorrow. She says I need to pray for forgiveness or some fucked up shit,” Shaun sneered.

“Oh, you should come!” Jesse cried. “It won’t be so bad if we go together, I promise.”

“I’m not going to church,” Shaun growled. He’d finished rolling. He started to crush the joint between his fingers.

Gently, Jesse plucked it from Shaun’s fingers and stole his lighter, too.

“We need something to ash in,” Shaun said.

Jesse reached down to the windowsill and grabbed one of Sam’s empty soda cans. The kid was such a slob. Feeling mightily resourceful, he started blazing while Shaun watched him in silence.

“I fucking hate God,” Shaun spat, and then weirdly, he laid down in Jesse’s bed and snatched the joint back. He took in a huge lungful of smoke, struggled for a couple seconds to hold it in and then coughed it out. It was a sloppy move, but Jesse heard you got higher if you coughed the shit up. Maybe Shaun was onto something.

“I hate God, too,” Jesse said, voicing one of the few thoughts he’d never shared with anyone before. He stretched out beside Shaun and got comfortable.

Shaun scowled at him. “Why? Your life is perfect,” he said. “What do you got to complain about?”

Jesse snorted. “Seriously? My dad abandoned us for another woman. Then I got dragged across the country for years, watching mom make mistakes over and over. I’m paying for those mistakes. I’m the one who cleans up her messes. I can’t wait to move out, but at the same time, I’m afraid to leave the only family I’ve ever known. I my life sucks.”

Shaun turned his head. His wild, frizzy hair tickled Jesse’s cheek. He looked deep into Jesse’s eyes with so much understanding Jesse flung his arm around Shaun’s chest and hugged him tight.

Shaun’s whole body went stiff and Jesse let go. They laid side by side, their arms touching, their hips and thighs pressed together. They didn’t look at each other for some time. They stared at the ceiling and lazily passed the joint back and forth.

Jesse smiled to himself. He felt oddly emotional. He was so glad he’d met Shaun. He decided there was no one else in the world like him.

A good hour passed before Jesse remembered the kids.

“We’d better get dinner ready,” he said.

Shaun grunted, but he was already getting up.

Jesse was at the point where everything was hilarious. The twins took turns trying to make him laugh, an easy prospect to be sure. Sam continued to glare at Jesse for not letting him get high with the big boys, his scowl perfectly matching Shaun’s. It seemed like Shaun had a hard time having fun no matter what he was on. Or maybe it was just the fact that he hated Jesse’s siblings that had put the glum look on his face.

Monica came home in the middle of Jesse’s dinner preparations. She handed Lissa to Sam, left Brian in the kitchen doorway and hurried back to work.

“Hi honey.” Jesse was still laughing from Allison’s latest knock-knock joke, but still managed to pick Brian up with some finesse. “Hey Shaun?”

“What?” Shaun sat between the twins at the kitchen table. He looked highly uncomfortable.

“Help me out?”

Shaun pulled a face. “With?”

“Either take Brian or finish the veggies.” Jesse said. He knew he was asking a lot from Shaun, but Sam had his hands full with the baby and Jesse couldn’t hold Brian and get the green beans out of the pan at the same time. He hoped it wouldn’t explode in his face.

Jesse heard Shaun get up, but concentrated on stirring the vegetables with his spoon.

“I don’t want beans,” Brian complained.

“We’re having chicken nuggets and green beans, kiddo,” Jesse said. “You’ve got to eat a couple bites at least.”

“I hate green beans,” Brian whined.

Suddenly, Shaun moved in behind them, his body mere inches from Jesse’s. Jesse shivered as he felt Shaun close in. He had a distant memory, maybe it was a dream, of them standing like this only closer… Jesse turned his head and looked questioningly into Shaun’s dark eyes.

Shaun leaned closer and lifted the toddler out of Jesse’s arms.

Jesse let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding. His heart did a somersault in his chest.

“I can’t cook,” Shaun said in explanation.

Jesse nodded and tried to calm his overexcited nerves. He drained the vegetables over the sink, then took the nuggets out of the oven. He got out some plates.

Shaun took Brian to the table and got him situated.

“You’re Shaun, right?” Brian asked. “Jesse’s friend.”

“Yep.”

“I remember you,” Brian smiled and instantly began a conversation about his day in pre-school.

Brian didn’t fit in with the family. Sam was mean to him and the twins followed suit without even trying. Monica had little time for the second youngest member of the family and as much love as Jesse gave the little boy, he still couldn’t be around all the time.

Somehow Shaun must have sensed all of this. He had a pinched look on his face as he listened to Brian talk, but he gave Brian his attention. He had his arm on the back of Brian’s chair and kept him close. The twins switched from telling jokes to picking fun of Brian and his stories and Shaun’s hands balled into fists.

“Let him talk,” Shaun said darkly.

Tyler stuck out his tongue, but he didn’t interrupt again.

Jesse brought the food to the table. It took a few trips but everyone was served and began to eat.

Sam put Lissa into the high chair and Jesse took over. He fed her little bites of mushy baby food as he ate nuggets and speared some green beans. The twins fought over who had the most nuggets and Sam ended up giving Allison an extra one so she’d stop complaining.

Shaun ate mechanically and Brian mirrored his example, stuffing veggies into his mouth despite his so-called hatred for them.

Brian was in the middle of a story about their trip to the fair back in Detroit. It wasn’t a very interesting story, but Shaun was all ears. He even managed to laugh when Brian mentioned the clown that had scared the shit out of Tyler.

“That’s not funny!” Tyler yelled across the table at Brian.

“Shaun thinks so,” Brian said back, surprisingly catty.

“Shaun’s a weirdo! Sam told me about him!” Tyler cried. He threw a precious chicken nugget across the table at the toddler.

Jesse glanced at Sam, but he seemed unfazed. Shaun, on the other hand, glared daggers at Tyler.

“What did Sam tell you?” He spat. He switched his gaze to Sam, his dark eyes narrowing dangerously.

Tyler saw the look on Shaun’s face. His eyes widened with fear. His lower lip trembled as he searched for words.

Sam smacked a hand over Tyler’s mouth. “I didn’t tell him anything,” he said. “He’s making stuff up.”

“Liar,” Shaun hissed.

The color drained from Sam’s face. His eyes widened to match Tyler’s.

Jesse jumped in. “Guys, enough. Quit fighting.” Lissa sniffled at the raised voices and the sudden elevation of tension. She began to cry, her baby mush forgotten.

“I didn’t say anything,” Sam whined, but his hand still covered Tyler’s mouth.

Jesse shook his head. “Take Tyler upstairs,” he said.

“But—”

“Do it!”

“Screw you, Jesse,” Sam grabbed Tyler’s arm and yanked him from his chair. Tyler ripped his arm out of Sam’s grip, but he followed to the stairs. Once they left the room, they started whispering loudly to one another. Their hushed argument faded as they went upstairs.

Shaun sat tensely, staring after Jesse’s little brothers. Everyone at the table was quiet. Allison stared at her half-empty plate and Brian watched Shaun fume in amazement. Lissa whimpered and Jesse pulled her out of her high chair and rubbed her back soothingly.

“Allie, do you know what they’re talking about?” he asked.

Allison looked up in surprise. “No,” she said quickly.

It was obvious she did and from the red staining Shaun’s cheeks, he knew it, too. Jesse refused to pull teeth to get an answer though. He didn’t see the point. It would piss Shaun off more, he thought. So, he sent her upstairs after the boys.

Allison pushed her plate away and leapt to her feet. She escaped the kitchen in a hurry.

Shaun bared his teeth. “Your brothers are assholes,” he said, and it wasn’t clear who he was talking to. Jesse wanted to refute that claim, but Brian was already stifling a laugh.

“You like that?” Shaun smiled at Brian. “Sam’s a dick,” he said.

“…dick…” Brian repeated, setting himself off again. His hands barely covered his ridiculous giggles.

“That’s right, kid.” Shaun patted Brian’s head. “And the twins are little fuck faces.”

Brian laughed again, but Jesse had had enough.

“Shaun!” He cried. “Watch your mouth,” he chastised, though there wasn’t much heart behind it.

“Why? He likes it.” Shaun ruffled Brian’s blond hair. Brian squirmed and playfully batted after his hand.

“What am I going to tell Mom when she comes home and Brian tells her all the new words he’s learned.”

“Fuck if I know.” Shaun shrugged. For the first time since he’d arrived, he was smiling. He turned to Brian and gave him another noogie. “You know you’re not allowed to say bad words, right kid?”

“I can say whatever I want,” Brian said, looking at Shaun with a bit of the hero worship he normally reserved for Jesse. “Mom’s got a fuck face.”

Jesse glared at Shaun. “See. Look what you did.”

“I told you I’m no good with kids,” Shaun grunted. He sighed and attempted to make things right. “Kid, I get to say shit like that ‘cause I’m older. Little kids like you gotta earn it.”

“Why?” Ugh…the incessant question of “why”. They could be here all day.

Shaun didn’t have the patience for a long and meandering conversation. He said directly: “Because I fucking say so.”

“But how come—”

“You be good or I won’t be allowed to come over anymore.”

Hmm, that seemed to work. Brian nodded and Shaun rewarded him with a pat on the back.

“Good,” he said, turning to Jesse with a grin. “See, that was easy.”

The remainder of the evening was spent in the living room while the two high schoolers waited for Jesse’s Mom to resurface.

Jesse was wrapped up in the baby but kept a close eye on Shaun and Brian as they watched a movie on TV. It was much too violent for a toddler, but Jesse didn’t have the heart to make them change the channel. Shaun looked content sitting next to the three-year-old, explaining the violent nonstop action to the fascinated little boy.

The four of them looked like a happy little family, only unlike any of their real families they actually worked together.

Deciding to push his luck, Jesse laid back on the couch, cushioning Lissa on his chest. He stretched out and put his feet in Shaun’s lap.

Shaun gave him an odd look, his dark eyes meeting Jesse’s blue. But then somebody died a horrible death on-screen and without a single protest Shaun went back to narrating the movie for Brian. Jesse’s feet stayed where they were.

Warm and comfortably buzzed, Jesse fell asleep within minutes.

Jesse woke up when he felt Lissa being taken from his arms. The little girl fussed and Jesse groggily opened his eyes.

“Mom?”

Monica stared down at him. “The house smells like pot.”

“Oh. Right.” Jesse was on the couch by himself. Where was Brian or Shaun?

There were footsteps on the stairs. Jesse sat up as Shaun reappeared at the bottom. Monica greeted him solemnly and Shaun nodded cordially. He sidestepped so she could get by him and upstairs.

Jesse rubbed his eyes. “Where’s Brian?”

Shaun folded his arms. He looked away as his cheeks got pink.

“You fell asleep,” he said.

“Yeah, I was comfortable.” Jesse said. Why was Shaun so embarrassed? He looked silly when he blushed. Jesse bit his tongue and tried not to laugh at his friend’s predicament.

“Ah…the kid fell asleep on me too,” Shaun said awkwardly. “I er…didn’t know where he slept. I put him in your bed.”

“Oh. That’s fine.” Jesse said with a laugh. “He’s always crawling in my bed.”

“Yeah.” Shaun continued to avoid Jesse’s eyes. He was steadily looking more and more uncomfortable. “I’m going to go.”

“OK.”

Shaun passed Jesse on his way out the door. Jesse didn’t necessarily want him to go, but his bed was calling to him. It didn’t bother him Brian was already up there. He’d warm the blankets like a little furnace.

Then, Shaun touched his hair. He smoothed the unruly locks at the back of Jesse’s head with a gentle hand.

Jesse swallowed and held perfectly still.

“See you tomorrow,” Shaun said. He drew his hand back and hurried to the door. He slammed it behind him with an air of finality.

Jesse was still thinking about that weird touch when he got to his room. He exchanged his jeans for some PJs and climbed to the top bunk.

As Shaun had mentioned, Brian was fast asleep in the bed. He still had his clothes on, but he looked comfortable. Jesse decided to leave him be.

Jesse moved the toddler and stretched out beside him. He covered them in blankets and snuggled in. He closed his eyes.

It was one of the first times Shaun had touched him, completely on his own.

All the other times Jesse could write off as accidents or attempts at being playful. But this felt completely different.

Jesse was still trying to figure out what it had meant when he felt himself drifting off.

Of course, in the morning it had all been forgotten.

However, another question replaced it.

“What was Tyler talking about last night?” Jesse asked Sam that morning at breakfast.

Sam glared at him. Jesse couldn’t tell if he was still upset about the whole “not sharing” the weed thing or if it was something else. He couldn’t see what else Sam had to be mad about, but then again, he was dumb sometimes.

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. Tyler said you told him something about Shaun.”

There was a pause while Sam took a bite of his cereal. “You wouldn’t believe me anyway,” he said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Usually, he and Sam were pretty close. Well, as close as a big brother and his little tag-a-long sibling could be. But Sam was never this closed mouthed!

“You’ve been so bossy lately…” Sam trailed off, glaring at the last few Cheerios floating in his cereal milk. “And now you’re hanging out with that weirdo…” he said sullenly. He picked up his bowl and took it to the sink. He dumped the remains down the disposal. “Never mind.”

Jesse gaped at his brother. What the hell did he know? Sam left the room before Jesse could think up another question.

“You OK?” Shaun asked when he got on the bus later that morning. He seemed nervous again, and he didn’t sit down until Jesse gestured for him to do so.

“I don’t know. Sam’s mad at me or something.”

“Oh,” Shaun sighed. “He’s still being a little bastard then?”

Jesse snorted. “Yeah, I guess he is.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it.” Shaun said easily. He pushed his frizzy hair out of his eyes. “He’s a cunt.”

“Jesus!” Jesse laughed. “You don’t have to be so harsh. He is my little brother, you know.”

Shaun shrugged.

He wouldn’t admit to it, but Jesse didn’t mind the name calling. He felt Shaun was being rude because Sam, Tyler, and Allison knew the secret about him Jesse had been trying to find out since day one.

Jesse fought the urge to question Shaun. He knew it wouldn’t turn out in his favor.

“Are you still going to church tonight?” Shaun asked. His eyes were fixed toward the front of the bus. Jesse followed his gaze and noticed Emily, Kenny, and the others getting on. He smiled and waved at them but stayed put. He missed Shaun’s deep scowl.

“Yeah,” Jesse said. “I told you, I want Emily to like me.”

“What about the kids?” Shaun asked. “Are you going to leave them by themselves?”

“Why? Are you volunteering to babysit?” Jesse laughed, but got nothing back from Shaun. The other boy was as silent as a stone wall. “One of the women at the daycare runs a late-night service, I guess. Mom said it’s kind of expensive, but she doesn’t mind paying extra if I’m going to church.”

“Hmm.” Shaun seemed disappointed. “Did you tell her you’re doing it to get in some girls pants?”

“Yeah. Of course, I did.” Jesse said. “And after that me and Mom discussed the best sex positions. She likes missionary, but I’m more of a reverse cowgirl fan myself.”

For a second Shaun looked utterly confused.

“You dumbass. I’m joking!” Jesse elbowed Shaun as he began to laugh. Shaun frowned as he realized he’d been tricked. He elbowed Jesse back.

“Fuck you.”

“Whatever, man. You can still come with me.” But as soon as he’d said it, Jesse realized there was no way it would be possible. Kenny wouldn’t even let Shaun in his truck for all Jesse knew.

But Shaun flat out refused. He shook his head disgustedly.

“But what about your Grandma?”

“I’ll go fuck around in the woods. Maybe I’ll shoot something.”

Jesse pouted. “I want to come.”

“Then come,” Shaun said.

“You know I can’t. I already promised.”

Shaun looked away. He glared darkly out the opposite window.

Jesse sighed. As much as he’d been looking forward to today, hoping to lay some of his better moves on Emily and impress her, he now couldn’t wait until it was over. He’d never been so depressed to have a day off babysitting in his life.

Shaun was in a weird mood after they got off the bus. He was quiet in science and didn’t say a word on the way to history. Jesse felt like he should stick with Shaun and for once, he regretted making friends with Emily and Kenny and their crew. He felt somewhat obligated to spend time with them.

He debated what he should do. He tried to weigh the pros and cons of leaving Shaun on his own, but when history ended, he broke. He dutifully followed Emily to English and tried his best to seem interested in what she had to say. And to be honest, he had no idea what she was even talking about.

However, he did manage to tune into Emily’s rambling conversation when he heard Shaun’s name.

“What?” He asked, interrupting Emily’s drawl.

She smiled. “Maybe we should talk about this later.”

Jesse wanted her to repeat what she’d just said, but realized she was right. Now wasn’t the time. English was about to start and their teacher, Miss Stevens, was already writing on the board.

With a sigh, Jesse acquiesced.

When class was over, Emily gabbed about something different, though. As much as Jesse wanted to know what she’d been talking about, he couldn’t find an opening to ask. Luckily, Kenny unknowingly picked up his sister’s line of conversation a few minutes later at lunch.

“Are you still hanging out with Shaun?” he asked as soon as Jesse sat beside him.

“Ah…yeah,” Jesse said. He poked the “mystery” casserole on his lunch tray and hoped Kenny wouldn’t start grilling him.

“He hasn’t tried to kill you yet?” Jordan leaned around Kenny to ask.

Jesse snorted with amusement. “No. Does he try to kill people a lot?”

It was just a joke, but the lunch table suddenly became deadly quiet. Jesse got the shivers.

“Does he?” he asked again.

“My brother knows this kid who used to live around here. He told my brother Shaun threatened to skin him alive. Just because he accidentally hit Shaun with his book bag,” Jordan said. “That kid no longer goes to this school for that very reason.”

“A couple years ago, there was a rumor that Shaun was killing people because like every few days he’d come to school with blood on his clothes,” Sunny said dramatically. Lee and Rick nodded to verify her story.

“Once, Alicia told Shaun he smelled bad and the next day she had a note in her locker. It was a list of all these weapons he had and how he was going to use them on her,” Sara said, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder. Alicia didn’t say anything but the disturbed look on her face said more than words could.

“And he fucking broke Eric’s nose the other day,” Kenny added, pointing to Eric who was sitting at the other end of the table. He was still rocking a splint on the bridge of his nose. “You saw his face, same as I did. That wasn’t an accident.”

“There’s a million other stories we could tell,” Emily said. She squeezed Jesse’s shoulder. “We’d be here all day if we went through all the creepy stuff he’s done.”

That was quite a laundry list, but Jesse was hardly convinced. If this was the kind of stuff Sam had been telling the twins, then Jesse didn’t care. Most of that was just Shaun’s rotten personality showing through. Shaun couldn’t help himself. Jesse had seen his mind work in real-time, without the judgement everyone laid at his feet. When Shaun felt cornered, it was a lot easier for him to be hateful and mean than it was for him to be a civilized human being. That was all. He wasn’t a serial killer like everyone else seemed to think.

So, if everyone feared rumors and a few heated words, then Jesse could continue to ignore their advice.

Kenny wasn’t finished. He went on, spouting more anti-Shaun gossip. Jesse tuned him out. He surreptitiously met his best friend’s eyes across the lunchroom.

As usual, whenever he was with the in-crowd, Shaun glared at Jesse extra hard. But this time, Jesse met his eyes head-on. He smiled at Shaun and rolled his eyes in Kenny’s direction. He wanted to get up and leave the popular table completely, but he didn’t go that far. There’d be an uproar if he did something like that.

Shaun didn’t look happy, but he did stop the whole death glare thing. If anybody else noticed them making eyes at each other across the room, Jesse didn’t know. He didn’t care either. Everyone was so busy discussing how much they hated Shaun, they were ignoring everything else.

“You’re still coming with us to church tonight?” Emily asked when the bell rang at the end of lunch.

“Yep.” Emily and her brother might be boring him to death with their rumors and gossip, but he still wanted Emily.

“That’s so great. I wish more people our age were more passionate about religion.”

Jesse’s smile was strained. In the back of his mind he could hear Shaun mocking him.

“Did you tell her you hate God?”

Jesse shook his head to remove the disembodied voice. He promised Emily he’d see her later on the bus.

When they got to gym, it was raining outside. The coach decided they’d play basketball on the inside court.

Jesse, Kenny, and Eric trooped to the locker room to change. The other two were eager to get on the court, but Jesse took his time getting into his sweats. Shaun was absent and Jesse kept wondering when he’d show up.

It wasn’t until they came out of the locker room that Jesse spotted Shaun talking with the coach. He watched them interact for a few moments, both parties growing progressively angrier. Then, Shaun turned and stormed out of the room.

“Wonder what that’s about?” Kenny said, following Jesse’s gaze.

Jesse shrugged. He was dying to know, but he fell in line next to his buddies and prepared to get picked for a team.

Shaun wasn’t on the bus after school. Jesse wasn’t totally surprised, but it was raining cats and dogs. Wind howled through the trees with ferocity and lightening streaked across the sky followed by a bone-deep rumbling of thunder.

Jesse stared out the window as the bus trundled along the roadway. He wondered if Shaun had gone through with his plan to shoot things in the woods. He didn’t know very much about guns—all right he knew nothing about them—but he didn’t think using a weapon in this kind of weather was a good idea.

He wished Shaun had agreed to come with him.

“Are you sure you’ll be all right by yourself?” Jesse asked Sam once they were home. Monica had had a similar conversation with him that morning. Sam had watched the twins on his own before. Nobody thought it was unreasonable for him to do it again.

“Yes,” Sam said. He didn’t look at Jesse, though. He was on the floor playing Call of Duty. The twins watched him from the couch, but they were already looking antsy.

“You don’t have to be on top of them the whole night,” Jesse said. “But you need to keep an eye on them.”

“Yeah.” Sam did some button mashing at cursed at his opponent onscreen.

Sam wasn’t pay attention at all. Jesse stepped in front of the TV and Sam threw himself to the side to see around Jesse’s body.

“Dude! Move!” he yelled.

“Can I get you to listen for thirty seconds?”

“I’m listening!”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Mom will be home early. By 8:00 at the latest.”

“I know!”

“She doesn’t want you to cook anything. There’re leftovers in the fridge. Nuke ‘em in the microwave and clean up your mess.”

“I know what to do, Jesse. Get out of the way!”

“And no more scary bedtime stories,” Jesse said. He crossed his arms sternly. “Last time Tyler couldn’t sleep for a week because you riled him up so bad.”

“Are you ready to leave yet?”

Jesse glared at his snarling little brother. Shaun had a point. Sam was kind of a cunt.

Outside, a couple toots from a horn sounded.

“That’s my ride,” Jesse said. “I’ve got to go.”

“Bye!” Allison called. Tyler wasn’t one for good-byes. He waved halfheartedly over his shoulder. He looked bored to death.

“Good riddance,” Sam hissed under his breath, just loud enough for Jesse, still standing over him, to hear it.

“You’re a brat.” Jesse knocked the X-Box controller out of his brother’s hands as he went by, enjoying his yell of annoyance. He might have cursed him as well, but Jesse was already out the door.

“Hi,” Emily said as Jesse jumped in the truck. It was still pouring, and he shook himself off, doing a good imitation of a dog. It was warm in the cab and the music was loud again. “Turn that down,” Emily said to her brother.

“Hey guys,” Jesse grinned at the siblings.

“I hope you’re ready for this,” Kenny said. “I think you’ll have to meet everyone today. No more hiding in the back.”.”

“What?”

“I told my parents you were coming, and they told the pastor. He loves new guests,” Emily gushed. “Mom and dad want us all to sit together up front.”

“Oh?”

“You’ll see!” Kenny said with an evil smile.

The church was a tiny, one room kind of deal. The dirt parking lot was packed. After they found a spot, the three of them rushed through the rain and the puddles and pushed past the heavy wooden doors.

The church looked larger inside than out. It was well lit. Globes of light hung from the vaulted ceiling. Beautiful stained-glass windows lined the wall behind the pulpit. The room was divided by two rows of pews, most of them full of parishioners. An older gentleman in black, the pastor, roamed the aisle. He greeted people in the pews with a sunny smile.

“Are you taking him?” Kenny asked his sister.

“Yep. Find mom and dad.” Emily took Jesse’s hand. She dragged him down the aisle.

“Pastor Noel!” Emily said as they approached the old man. The gray-haired pastor beamed. “This is my friend, Jesse. He just moved to town.”

“I think I saw you in the back on Sunday, too, how lovely,” Noel said. “You moved into the old Welch place?”

“Bertie Welch was my grandfather,” Jesse said.

The pastor squeezed his shoulder. “I didn’t know Bertie all that well, but we had a small service after he died.”

Jesse nodded. Monica had driven down to attend. To claim his house, too.

“Would you mind if I introduced you to everyone?” Noel asked. “I think that would go over nicely.”

“Uh, sure.” Jesse rubbed the back of his neck. He was already feeling hot and itchy. It looked like half the town was here!

“Good, good.” Noel put his arm around Jesse and Emily seemed to melt into the crowd. Before Jesse knew it, he was standing in front of the entire church, being introduced to a room of strangers. Jesse, his face burning with embarrassment, smiled and nodded as choruses of hellos and welcomes came from the crowd.

“I think we embarrassed the poor boy enough for one night,” Noel said and the audience chuckled with agreement. “Emily? Could you help Mr. Welch back to his seat?”

Emily appeared at Jesse’s elbow and took his hand. She led him down the aisle and into a pew near the front. She sat him next to Kenny, taking his other side. An older couple was on Kenny’s other side and they leaned forward to introduce themselves as Emily and Kenny’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor. Jesse gave them a stupid smile. Fuck, his head was spinning!

Service started, songs were sung, Jesse stared at the pastor and tried to follow along. Beside him, Emily praised and worshiped aloud, totally involved. She kept a tight hold on Jesse’s hand and tried to get him involved as well, but Jesse continued to feel overwhelmed, out of place, and a tad embarrassed. He couldn’t wait for this to be over.

It only lasted an hour, though the service felt much longer than sixty minutes. When Pastor Noel wrapped it up, the room erupted into casual banter. Mrs. Taylor, a beautiful blonde woman, invited Jesse to dinner.

“Let us meet your new friend,” she said.

“I appreciate the offer, ma’am, but I’ve got five brothers and sisters waiting for me. I ducked out of babysitting to be here.”

He couldn’t have picked a better excuse. Mrs. Taylor smiled brilliantly and invited him over to dinner another time. Rain check!

“Do you have to go home?” Emily asked once she, her brother, and Jesse were back in the truck.

“I’m sure my brother’s terrorizing the twins by now.”

“Those poor things,” Emily said.

“Talk about lame,” Kenny snorted.

“Shut up, Ken!” Emily said, giving her brother the evil eye. “Jesse? Did you hear Pastor Noel announce the youth dance? It sounds like so much fun.”

“I must have missed it,” Jesse said sheepishly.

The ride back was short and Jesse all but leapt from the truck when they got back to his place.

“Can you come next week?” Emily simpered.

“Let me make sure, before I promise,” Jesse said.

“See you tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

Emily smiled as Jesse shut the door. He waved and off they went.

Fuck, that was uncomfortable, Jesse thought as he headed inside. The entire time, he’d felt tense and awkward and he’d wanted to escape. He didn’t want to go back to church. Emily had annoyed him the entire time.

“Back already?” Sam muttered. He was still playing Call of Duty. The twins were gone and Sam had moved to the couch.

“What the fuck was I thinking? Church?” Jesse sat beside his brother. “I had to get out of there.”

“Yeah, that sounds pretty boring.”

“Can we double team this?” Jesse asked, gesturing to the screen.

“Thought you’d never ask.” Sam grinned. “Glad Mr. Meanie isn’t here. You’re making the strangest friends, lately.”

“He’s not mean,” Jesse said. He grabbed the second controller before his brother could elaborate. “C’mon! I want to play.”

“I’m going to murder you,” Sam said, and the two boys got to it.

 

*****

 

“I did it!” Jesse said the minute Shaun was within earshot.

“Did what?” Shaun asked. He hesitantly took a seat beside him, but Jesse barely noticed his reluctance. He was eager to share his harrowing journey into the dreaded religion.

“I did church.” Jesse elaborated with a smile. “It was brutal, but Emily loved it. I even got to meet the parents.”

“Great,” Shaun said sourly.

His rotten mood drew Jesse’s attention. Shaun was scowling, and he looked deeply unhappy. He was wearing the same clothes he’d had on yesterday, and everything had a fine splattering of mud on it now. His hair was tangled again and even messier than usual.

But what got Jesse’s attention the most was the weird bulge under his sleeve.

“What’s that?” he asked. He poked the bulge.

Shaun hissed. “Don’t do that!”

“Sorry.” Jesse held up his hands, indicating he wouldn’t be poking any further. “But what is it?”

Shaun hesitated, but finally pulled back his sleeve. Jesse gasped. A bloody mass of gauze covered Shaun’s arm from wrist to elbow.

“What happened?!” Jesse’s voice went up an octave. It looked like Shaun had suffered a serious injury in the hours they’d been apart. “Oh my God!”

“I ah…” Shaun held his mangled arm out, surveying it calmly. “I went hunting…like I said I was going to—”

“And did that?” Jesse touched Shaun’s elbow gently, drawing his arm into his lap. He couldn’t see what sort of damage had been done through the gauze, but there was so much blood!

“I fell,” Shaun said.

“On what? A knife?!”

Shaun stiffened and pulled his arm back. He yanked his sleeve down over the bandages. “It’s fine.” He all but growled.

“Can you even move your hand?” Jesse asked in a panic

“Fuck you.” Shaun lifted his arm, held his hand in Jesse’s face and then proceeded to wiggle his fingers.

“You’re wincing!” Jesse cried. “Stop! You’ll make it worse.” He cradled Shaun’s hand between his own, but Shaun wouldn’t allow it. He yanked his hand from Jesse’s.

“I’m perfectly fine,” he declared.

Unconvinced, Jesse continued to prod. “Let’s go to the nurse when we get to school. I’ll come with you,” he pleaded, deeply disturbed by the whole thing.

“Don’t need her. I already had my Grandpa look at it.”

“Did you really ?”

Shaun folded his arms and didn’t answer.

“You’re impossible! Do you know that?”

Shaun was a hard person to like. He was gruff and mean, rough around the edges if you will. Stubborn to a fault, unable to take any sort of criticism without biting your head off. He was also stupid and too proud to take well-meaning help from anybody.

“Shut up,” Shaun grumbled.

Frowning, Jesse did just that. Shaun certainly made it hard for anyone to get close to him, but Jesse was more than up for the challenge, even if Shaun annoyed the crap out of him half the time.

Jesse could be stubborn too.

“So, are you done talking to me now?” Shaun snapped at the end of Chemistry. Normally Jesse was talkative and energetic during the one class they could sit by each other but today he’d been stone silent.

“I didn’t know I was allowed to. I thought you wanted me to shut up,” Jesse said. He was angry still, but mostly he wanted Shaun to stop being such an asshole. There was no reason for Shaun to brush him off like he had. Jesse was only trying to help.

“You’re a fucking dick, you know that?” Shaun said, though he sounded more defensive than anything else. All this over some hunting accident?

“How am I being a dick?” Jesse asked in exasperation. “I’m trying to help you.”

“I—” Shaun rudely pushed past him, hitting Jesse with his backpack. “C’mon,” he growled.

Rolling his eyes, Jesse followed Shaun into the hall.

“Just drop it, all right? I’m fine,” Shaun said when they were halfway to history.

“Shaun…” Jesse whined, grabbing his good arm.

“Don’t touch me, fag,” Shaun hissed, pulling away and marching off toward the classroom. Hurt, Jesse trailed behind him.

“Are you all right?” Emily asked the second Jesse sat beside her.

“Yep. Fine,” he lied, figuring if Shaun could get away with it, then he should be allowed to as well.

Class was boring. They were studying World War II. Jesse pretended to take notes as he stared at the back of Shaun’s head. It was so unfair he had to sit all the way up front.

Once, Shaun turned and caught Jesse looking at him. As much as Jesse had wanted his attention, he found himself looking away, avoiding the piercing eye contact that seemed to look straight into his soul.

“We were all wondering if you can hang out with us on Friday again,” Emily said when they were on their way to English. “You had fun last week, didn’t you?”

“Oh, yeah.” Jesse hadn’t thought about it. He’d assumed he and Shaun would spend time together like they had all week. They might be able to do something after Monica came home, too. Maybe they could go to Shaun’s place to get away from all the kids. He was sure Shaun would be over his little funk by then.

“Is that a yes?” Emily fluttered her eyelashes.

“I’m not sure—”

“We could pick you up at 8:00. Like last week. You don’t have to babysit all night, right?” Emily asked.

“I don’t know—”

“Think about it, OK?” Emily pushed. “It was fun having you at the party last weekend and doing church on Wednesday.” She touched Jesse’s arm. She squeezed it in an overtly friendly gesture that made him feel as though he’d been caught.

“It was fun,” he said. He felt obligated to say so. Emily was smiling at him and batting her lashes so hard, it was a wonder her eyes hadn’t popped out of her head.

“I wanted to ask you something…” she said. Her hand tightened on Jesse’s arm and they slowed almost to a stop. Someone pushed past them to get down the hall, and Jesse coaxed her along.

“What?” he asked. They were almost to English. The weight of the conversation was strangely foreboding. It was uncomfortable.

“Well, I was just wondering…”

The hesitations and pauses were too much. Jesse took a deep breath. “What were you wondering?”

“Remember the youth ministry dance the pastor mentioned?”

Jesse shrugged. “Sure.”

“Do you want to go with me? It’s on Saturday.”

“As like a date?” Jesse blurted. They were in front of their classroom. Right in the doorway.

Emily, her hand still firmly attached to Jesse’s arm, pulled him inside. She led him to his desk and waited for him to sit.

“If you wanted to call it a date, well…” She fidgeted with the purple scrunchie around her wrist. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Oh.” Jesse cleared his throat. This is what he’d wanted, right? Time alone with Emily? An actual, honest to God, date? “Sure. We could go to that.”

“Great.” Emily grinned. “It’s a date then.”

“Yeah. Great,” Jesse said. He watched Emily stroll to her desk. She looked coyly over her shoulder and winked.

They sat next to each other during lunch. Emily talked excitedly about…something. Jesse found it hard to focus on her sometimes. She arbitrarily jumped from one topic to another. She talked about a movie the gang wanted to see on Friday and then began discussing the merits of high heels and flat shoes.

“I don’t know, my legs look good in heels. I like the extra height too,” she said. “But flats are so cute. My older sister got me a beautiful silver pair in New York. They’re so trendy,” she gushed.

“Hmm.” He didn’t have an opinion. He didn’t care what a girl had on her feet.

“Maybe I’ll wear them Saturday. I mean, they’re way better to dance in, right?”

“Uh huh.”

Emily smiled. She went on with the one-sided conversation with little heed for Jesse’s boredom. The dance, the dance, the dance… The more she talked about it, the less Jesse wanted to go. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal, but Emily was making quite a fuss.

Kenny cornered Jesse before gym. “So, you’re taking my sister to the dance?” he asked. They entered the gym and cut across the basketball court to get to the locker room.

“Oooh!” Eric taunted. “Ken’s going to have your balls, dude!”

“Why? Emily invited me,” Jesse said. “Was I supposed to turn her down?”

“Did you want too?” Kenny said as they walked into the changing area. “You ignored her all through lunch. You looked bored.”

Jesse ruffled a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know what to say. She was talking about shoes.”

“She mentioned a lot more than that,” Kenny said. He pulled his gym stuff out of his locker. “I guess I was the only one who was listening.”

Jesse kept quiet. He pulled his change of clothes out of his locker, too, and tugged his T-shirt over his head. He was completely embarrassed. Kenny was a pretty cool guy, but he got the vibe that if he fucked up in any way with Emily, Kenny would kill him.

“Anyway, I’m glad you’re taking her to the dance,” Kenny said. Behind him, Shaun stomped into the room and went straight to his locker without sparing anyone a glance. Jesse watched him from the corner of his eye. “Emily told our parents last night she was going to ask you. They thought it was a good idea.”

“Um, that’s good,” Jesse said.

“Did she mention you’re invited to dinner before the dance?”

“Oh, no. She didn’t say,” Jesse said.

“Oh fuck!” Eric laughed. “First date and you’re already meeting the parents!”

Shaun had his back to the room. He was stuck in a half crouch over his gym bag. His body was completely still. Jesse bit the inside of his cheek. Shaun was listening.

“Uh, I already met them,” Jesse said. “Yesterday. At church.”

Eric chuckled and smacked him on the back. Jesse winced. “Don’t worry then, no pressure.”

“Shut up, you know what they’re like,” Kenny said. “They might have stopped the whole thing if they hadn’t seen you Wednesday. They think going to church means you can be trusted.”

Eric snorted and Kenny glared at him.

Jesse rubbed his stinging shoulder. He glanced nervously in Shaun’s direction.

Shaun jerked his yellow, stained hoodie over his head and yanked the hood up. His back was tense and angry. His shoulder blades stuck out like knives.

Kenny put his arm around Jesse’s bare shoulders. Jesse jerked in surprise.

“C’mere,” Kenny said in a low, dangerous tone. He drew him in close. “I like you, Jess, but you’d better be nice to my sister,” he said, his eyes serious and unwavering. Jesse blinked. “Just because my parents are easy to win over, doesn’t mean I am.”

Jesse swallowed. He’d made a huge mistake. He should have gone after Sunny or maybe Alicia. Neither of them had brothers who would beat him up. Or at least he didn’t think they did.

“You’re good, dude. Calm down,” Kenny laughed. He cuffed Jesse on the arm. “I’m just warning you.”

Jesse grabbed his gym shirt and pulled his arms through the holes. He was tired of the roughhousing. “Yeah, OK,” he said awkwardly.

Behind them, Shaun hurled his bag into his locker. He didn’t turn around, but Jesse got the feeling he was pissed. He slammed his locker shut with a resounding bang.

“What’s wrong with him?” Eric said under his breath. Everyone stared at Shaun. They all watched as he balled his hands into fists and stormed from the room.

Jesse sighed. “Nothing’s wrong,” he said, but he suspected he knew what was up.

“He’s a loser,” Kenny said with a dismissive shake of his head.

“No, he’s not,” Jesse said. “He’s just—”

“A freak?” Eric supplied.

“No,” Jesse snapped, trying not to get angry. “He’s moody today.”

That made Eric and Kenny laugh. Jesse scowled as he finished changing. He hadn’t meant to make everyone laugh. He ignored the two jocks as best he could. Sometimes, they were dicks.

Today, it was nice out. The sun was drying up the rain from yesterday. The coach led them out to the field to play touch football. He was in charge of teams today and he divvied everyone up, putting an equal number of good players on both teams to keep it fair. Jesse kept sneaking glances at Shaun, wondering—hoping more like—that they’d get put on the same team.

The coach didn’t put Shaun on a team. Jesse was on the verge of getting pissed off. The dumbass teacher had forgotten Shaun completely. But he needn’t have worried. Once the teams had been decided, the coach pointed a finger at Shaun and glared at him expectantly. Jesse had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but Shaun did. He turned and walked off toward the edge of the field. He gradually picked up his pace until he was running. Jesse watched Shaun run a lap around the field. He was red-faced and angry. He started a second lap and wasn’t slowing down.

“OK guys, let’s play,” the coach said, ignoring Shaun and his laps. Everyone else ignored him, too. It seemed this was a semiregular occurrence.

Jesse was decent at football. He wasn’t paying much attention, but he managed not to completely embarrass himself. He found it impossible to keep his eyes off Shaun, though. He wasn’t very good at running. He didn’t know how to pace himself. He ran hard for as long as he could before he slowed considerably. When he passed close by, Jesse could see how exhausted he was. Shaun sweated buckets, and he looked like he was about to collapse, but he never went slower than a jog. The one time he tried, the coach yelled across the field for him to stop slacking. It was the only time he’d acknowledged Shaun’s struggles, and Jesse felt another spike of anger on his friend’s behalf.

Thankfully class ended soon, and the coach called everybody back inside. Shaun stopped right where he was and collapsed back in the grass.

Jesse went straight for him. Eric and Kenny tried to call him back, but Jesse waved them off. He needed to check on Shaun. Maybe it was dumb, but he didn’t care. He had a bounce in his step as he rushed to Shaun’s side.

“Why did he make you do that?” Jesse asked as he approached. He sunk into the grass at Shaun’s side.

Shaun was covered in sweat; his face was dripping wet, his hair was matted and fucking reeking. His hoodie was completely soaked with perspiration.

“I—I had to—do it—instead—instead of—detention,” Shaun wheezed.

“What?” Jesse peered into Shaun’s weary face.

Shaun held up a hand and sat for a few moments, breathing hard. Jesse sighed and waited for a better answer. He looked around.

They were completely alone in the field. There wasn’t a soul in sight. The manicured lawn of the school stretched before them. The football field and the stadium seats broke up the monotony of green. There were yellow corn fields in the distance and wide swaths of trees. The same thick and unruly jungle behind his and Shaun’s houses bordered the school property. Jesse felt vulnerable staring out at all the wide-open space. He scooted closer to Shaun and put a hand on his knee.

“Coach Vance made me run laps for skipping class. He does it to everyone, but I’m the only one that has to run the whole period like that,” Shaun said after a brief rest.

“You could get sick running like that,” Jesse said with concern. “You should at least get to stop for water or something.”

“I’m fine, Jesse,” Shaun said. He’d denied Jesse’s help, again, though he wasn’t as rude about it as he had been that morning.

“We are friends…aren’t we?” Jesse asked after another minute of silence.

“Yeah?” Shaun said slowly, almost reluctantly. He wiped his face with his sleeve and quick as lightning, his expression turned into one of determination. “I fucking told you we are.”

Jesse fought a smile. “Then is it OK if I care about you?” He asked. Shaun paused at that. He looked shyly into Jesse’s eyes. “Friends can be worried about and want the best for each other. Right?”

“I don’t know,” Shaun admitted after a significant pause. He looked away uncomfortably.

“How about you take my word for it? It’s OK if you let me worry about you. Nothing bad will happen if you let me.”

Shaun cradled his arm to his chest. “I don’t want you to see it,” he blurted.

“What’s that?” Jesse asked. He rubbed Shaun’s knee in encouragement.

Shaun looked at Jesse’s hand on his leg. He was surprisingly calm about the unwarranted touching.

“I don’t want you to see,” he said softly.

It took a moment for Jesse to parse the meaning of Shaun’s softly spoken words. But then, realized what Shaun was referring to.

“Your arm?”

“Yeah,” Shaun said. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He let out a deep, shaky breath and buried his face in his arms. He looked fragile and helpless.

Jesse’s heart filled with sympathy. He scooted closer until he could rest his head on Shaun’s shoulder. He put his arm around his damp back and rubbed it reassuringly.

“All right,” he said gently. He didn’t like it, he wanted to help, but he knew fighting over it wouldn’t make anything better. “You don’t have to show me.”

Shaun’s fingers touched the edges of Jesse’s hair. “I don’t want you to be worried,” he said gruffly. His back rumbled against Jesse’s side. It tickled a little. Jesse hugged Shaun tighter and closed his eyes.

“That’s what good friends do, so just get used to it,” he said pleasantly. He’d fully expected Shaun to push him off, especially after the “fag” comment earlier. But Shaun’s fingers hesitantly rubbed the back of his neck and slid into the springy red hair at the nape of Jesse’s neck. He wasn’t pushing Jesse away. This felt…intimate.

“Hmm,” Shaun hummed. Jesse could feel his breath on his ear, and he shivered. It felt good. Weird but good.

“I’m so late to my last class,” Jesse said to distract them both from their weird embrace. Shaun’s fingers were still rubbing the back of his neck, ghosting through his hair. He didn’t want him to stop.

“Want to skip?”

“Yeah.”

Without a second thought for his clothes in the locker room or the fact Emily would be expecting him to sit with her on the bus home, Jesse stood and gave Shaun a hand up.

They held hands for a few seconds. It was an accident. Jesse had been trying to help Shaun stand up and Shaun, a little off balance, needed Jesse’s hand for extra support.

But it had happened and for some reason Jesse didn’t let it go like he normally would. He kept thinking about it as they walked home.

Since it was early and Jesse didn’t have to be home anytime soon, when they got to Shaun’s house, Jesse asked if he could come in.

Shaun tensed immediately.

“My grandma’s home.”

“So? You’ve met my whole family,” Jesse pointed out.

“I don’t want her to meet you,” Shaun said sourly.

“Well…” Jesse struggled to come up with something that would get him into Shaun’s house. He didn’t want to leave. “I’ll be rude, and I won’t even look at her,” he said. “Or you could sneak me in?” he suggested, on the verge of begging.

“My room’s a mess,” Shaun said. He tugged his long sleeves over his hands.

“And mine’s clean?” Jesse laughed. “C’mon,” he pleaded. “I’m so tired of being cooped up in my house. Let me come over.”

Shaun sighed loudly. He was losing his patience. “I don’t want you to come in,” he said, his teeth gritted. “I’d rather be at your house.”

Jesse pouted. He should have seen this coming. Shaun was such a private person. It would kill him if anyone found out he had a normal bedroom, filled with dirty clothes, useless junk, porn, and posters with lame bands and chicks on the walls.

“All right. Fine.” He didn’t want to argue. “But you’ll be over later, right?”

“Yeah.” Shaun sounded defensive again.

Jesse almost huffed but he managed to catch himself. “See you then,” he said. He headed home. At least he’d get a shower and a chance to change out of his smelly gym clothes. That was a definite plus.

Jesse got home in short order. He stripped in the bathroom and jumped in the shower. Sometime between washing his hair and masturbating, he remembered his date with Emily. He’d completely forgotten about it. He hadn’t even mentioned it during the walk home when Shaun had mentioned her—or the “snobby bitch” as he called her.

He dried off and walked naked to his room. There, he had to hunt for something to wear. Nothing he owned was clean. He’d have to do a load a of laundry over the weekend, he thought. He found a pair of his brother’s jeans, which were a little tight in the crotch but otherwise fit and put on a T-shirt and a hoodie.

As if on cue, the minute Jesse finished dressing the doorbell rang. He ran a hand through his damp hair and then ran downstairs to answer the door.

Shaun stood on the front step. In comparison, it didn’t look like he’d done more than change out of his gym stuff. His hair was just as tangled and frizzy as ever. Jesse wondered where he’d gotten that wild mop of hair.

“Hey,” Jesse said. He opened the door and invited Shaun inside.

“I got a little left,” Shaun said as he stepped inside. He held up his baggy of weed. He’d brought his pipe this time. “I don’t usually smoke every day. I need to get more.”

“I’ll buy this time,” Jesse said quickly. He didn’t want to become a leech. He was using more than his fair share anyway.

“No,” Shaun said firmly.

Jesse blinked in confusion. “What do you mean, no?”

“Don’t talk to him. Kyle’s a faggot,” Shaun said as he moved into the living room.

“What?” Jesse asked, now thoroughly bewildered. “He’s not gay.”

“How the fuck would you know? You only met him once.”

OK, now that was weird.

“How do you know that?”

Shaun stood with his back to Jesse. He drew his shoulders into himself. “He told me. He met you at that party,” he said.

Jesse circled around Shaun. He avoided Jesse’s eyes, but allowed Jesse to take his arm. He coaxed Shaun to the couch and urged him to sit. “I wanted to repay the favor and buy us something to smoke,” Jesse said. “What does it matter if Kyle’s gay? I’m not going to suck him off or anything.”

“You’d be surprised,” Shaun grumbled. He sat stiffly on the couch. He held the baggie and the pipe in his lap. “He might talk you into it. If he gives you a good price.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Jesse shoved Shaun into the arm of the couch with all his might. Shaun grunted but otherwise, he didn’t react. “What do you think I am? A prostitute?”

“If you turn gay, we can’t be friends anymore,” Shaun said flatly.

“Where is this coming from?!” Jesse couldn’t believe they were having this conversation.

“You heard me.”

Jesse sucked his teeth. “So, now you’re homophobic?”

“I’m not afraid of gays!” Shaun said in a huff. He turned and looked Jesse in the eye. “I don’t want people thinking I’m gay for being around them!”

Jesse snorted. He couldn’t help it; he started to laugh. “Is that all?”

“Fuck you,” Shaun growled. He opened his baggie and packed the bowl with the remains of his weed.

“Nobody thinks you’re gay,” Jesse said. So that explained all the “fag” stuff. Why he always got nervous whenever Jesse touched him.

“Yeah right. I’m sure they told you I’m weird and that I’m a fag,” he said. He yanked a plain black lighter from his pocket and sparked up. He didn’t hand the smoke to Jesse like he usually did, but Jesse was too interested in the present conversation to care.

“They do not! Do you want to know what everyone says about you?”

“Fuck you! I know what they say about me! I’ve lived with it—!”

Jesse laid his hand over Shaun’s, stopping him mid-rant. “Nobody thinks you’re gay.”

Shaun glared down at their hands. “Are you fucking sure?”

“Yes,” Jesse said with confidence. “They think you’re dangerous. I’ve been warned multiple times to stay away from you. Everyone thinks you’ll murder me or something.”

Instead of relieving him, that only seemed to make Shaun angrier.

“Fuck them all.”

“Yeah, fuck them,” Jesse said. “I know you wouldn’t hurt anybody.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“Gee, thanks.” Jesse snatched the pipe from Shaun. He leaned back and took a puff. Monica was going to kill him for smoking in the living room. “I try to cheer you up and you insult my intelligence.”

“You don’t get it,” Shaun snapped. “If people think I’m a fag, my life will be even worse than it is now. Around here, being gay gives people the license to do just about anything they want. That’s why Kyle’s in the closet. He knows, just as well as I do, what’ll happen to him if he’s ever outed.”

“What’ll happen to him?” Jesse asked.

Shaun shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

Jesse rolled his eyes, but Shaun continued.

“They hate me because I’m not like them. They hate me because they’re afraid,” he said bitterly. “But if they think I’m a cocksucker? It’ll be too fucking much for them.”

“You act like they’re going to behead you,” Jesse said with a little laugh. “This isn’t the old west. Gay people have rights now.”

Shaun was silent for so long Jesse was sure he was being ignored. He drew himself up, ready to defend the whole LGBTQ community, when Shaun spoke.

“I promised my grandparents I’d make it to senior year,” he said solemnly. “They were expecting me to graduate, but fuck that. I’ve only got a couple more months, then I can drop out and leave this place for good. I’ll never have to think about this hell hole, or anyone in it, ever again.”

Jesse didn’t know what to say. He thought Shaun sounded crazy.

They passed the pipe between them a few more times until they ran out of weed. It was just in time, too, as seconds later Sam came in the front door.

“Hey stoners,” he greeted sarcastically. His eyes darted to Shaun. He surveyed him with an unfriendly expression on his face. “Skipping school to smoke? Are you gonna drop out next?”

“What’s it to you?” Jesse still remembered the weird way Sam had been acting that morning. He was being bossy? Well, maybe Sam could go fuck off.

“I don’t know. I always thought it’d be cool to have a delinquent for an older brother.”

“Oh, yeah. Good one.” Jesse gave him the finger. “Fuck off.”

Sam started up the stairs. He grinned the whole way, like he’d accomplished something insurmountable.

“Jerk,” Jesse muttered.

“What’s his problem now?” Shaun asked nonchalantly, like he didn’t care and really , it was very possible he didn’t.

“I don’t know. You, probably.”

“Oh.” That drew Shaun up short.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jesse said.

The rest of the night flowed into the same routine they’d had since Monday. The twins came home, hassled Shaun until he’d had enough and Jesse sent them upstairs. Monica dropped the babies off and amusingly enough she placed Brian in Shaun’s lap.

“I think you’ve got a new fan. All Brian ever talks about is his cool new friend.”

Shaun flushed. He ruffled Brian’s hair and then moved the toddler off his lap and onto the couch between him and Jesse. Brian smiled worshipfully up at the big boys.

Monica had even brought pizza for everybody, so Jesse didn’t have to cook again.

“Oh, and Jesse,” Monica said as she carried the pizza boxes into the kitchen. “I can smell that weed a mile away. Keep it away from the kids, will you?”

Jesse nodded dumbly. He was embarrassed they’d been caught; not that they’d tried to hide the evidence. Still, the lecturing note in his mother’s voice was unpleasant.

For some reason, cutting up a piece of pizza for Lissa reminded Jesse of the dinner and date plans with Emily.

“I’m going on a date with Emily on Saturday.”

“Oooh ! Jesse’s got a girlfriend!” Allison and Tyler sang at the same time. Sam shoveled a piece of pizza into his mouth. He didn’t look interested.

Shaun went deathly silent. He set his pizza down. His face twisted into a grimace.

Jesse had been expecting this. He could have lied about the whole thing, but he didn’t want to keep secrets. “I know you hate her and all but—”

Shaun slammed his fist on the table. The plates rattled. Brian’s empty cup toppled and rolled to the floor.

“Seriously?” Jesse said.

Shaun glared at him darkly. A glare that carried a hatred and anger so deep-seated, Jesse was literally floored. He shut his mouth.

Brian looked between them with complete surprise. The twins seemed to be holding their breath, waiting for an explosion. Sam suddenly looked interested. He watched the scene unfold as he continued to munch on his slice of pepperoni.

Jesse stood up. He wasn’t doing this in front of everyone. “Sam, watch the kids,” he said. He gestured for Shaun to follow him out of the room, and Shaun leapt up immediately. His chair skidded over the linoleum and he kicked it out of the way.

They reached the privacy of Jesse’s room. He shut the door behind them, took a deep breath and turned to face Shaun.

“What’s your problem with Emily?”

At least Shaun didn’t play coy, he immediately spat, “I hate that bitch.”

“Right. So, one minute you’re afraid everyone’s going to think you’re gay, then you flip out when I get a girlfriend? Do you have any idea how contradictory you are?”

Shaun glared at him. “Emily’s a cunt,” he hissed.

“Why do you hate her so much?” Jesse asked. He was trying to remain calm. “Did she turn you down or something?”

Shaun bared his teeth and snarled. “I would never ask that dirty whore on a date.”

Jesse stepped up and shoved Shaun in the chest. Shaun stumbled over a pile of clothes but caught himself with a growl of frustration.

“If you touch me again, I’ll smash you,” Shaun growled.

Jesse dropped his arms to his sides. The anger he’d felt moments before had drained from him and left him cold. He couldn’t believe he’d pushed Shaun like that.

Shaun balled his hands into fists. His body vibrated with restrained fury. He was ready for a fight.

“Why are you doing this? Why can’t you be happy for me?” Jesse said in a little voice. He felt queasy. All this over a stupid date? “I thought we were friends.”

“I never wanted a friend,” Shaun said. He advanced on Jesse, forcing him back without even laying a hand on him. “And I don’t need you in my fucking face.”

“But—”

“Leave me the fuck alone!” Shaun cried. “You will anyway. Once you start cozying up with that slut.” With a pained look, Shaun shouldered past him and left the bedroom. There were a few seconds of silence before Jesse heard the front door open and slam.

Shaun was gone.

Shaken, Jesse sat on the edge of Sam’s bed.

Shaun was jealous, Jesse thought. He was jealous of Emily.

He was afraid Emily would take Jesse away. The idea Jesse would end up hating him like everyone else did made him physically ill.

So, in other words, Shaun cared. He didn’t want Jesse to disappear. He didn’t want to be alone, even though he constantly acted like he did.

Once again, Jesse came head to head with Shaun’s pride and his distrust in the world. It cut between them like a knife through butter.

Jesse was determined to make a difference. He wanted to be the most important person in Shaun’s life. Jesse didn’t fully understand why. It was clear Shaun had never had a friend before, and though Jesse saw a deep injustice in that fact, it wasn’t the only reason. There was something else there. It was in Shaun’s reluctant smiles, his possessiveness toward Jesse, the shy way Shaun touched him…

Jesse tried not to think about that though. Remembering Shaun’s hesitant touch made him feel dizzy and hot.

Jesse had never felt this strongly about anyone—

“Did you guys break up?” Sam poked his head into the room. He gave Jesse a big, shit-eating grin.

Jesse flushed. “No! Fuck you!”

Sam laughed and ducked back out into the hallway.

Jesse listened as his brother’s footfalls faded. He sighed. He wanted to go after Shaun. He wanted to talk to him. He wanted to make him understand that he meant more to Jesse than Emily did, but Jesse knew he had to let Shaun cool off. He knew if he tried to make Shaun see reason, he’d react with more anger.

“Is Shaun mad?”

Jesse glanced up as Brian shuffled into the room. He looked disappointed.

“Yeah,” Jesse said. He patted the edge of Sam’s bed. Brian climbed up next to him and leaned into his side. “He’ll get over it though.”

“He said we were gonna watch Rambo today,” Brian whined.

“You can watch it later,” Jesse said. He brushed the toddler’s hair back in a soothing manner. “Shaun will be back soon.”

“Like real soon? Like maybe today?”

“Not today,” Jesse said. “Maybe tomorrow.”

They’d see Shaun tomorrow, Jesse said to himself. Jesse would see him first thing in the morning after all. But for now, Jesse had to stay here. He was reminded of his responsibilities downstairs when he heard Lissa start to cry followed by Sam’s muffled yelling. With a groan, he got up to investigate.

The next day Jesse waited eagerly for Shaun to get on the bus. He’d spent the night before, after putting Sam and the twins in timeout for antagonizing Lissa, coming up with a speech. He was rather proud of it. He considered writing it down, maybe getting it published into a self-help book called How to Take Care of Your Impossible Best Friend.

When the bus stopped in front of Shaun’s house, Jesse waited impatiently for him to get on. The driver paused, waited a moment, then shut the door and drove to the next stop. No one got on.

That was weird. Was Shaun sick or something? Jesse had only known him for…about a month. Maybe he skipped class sometimes; but that didn’t make sense either. If anything, Shaun’s mean grandma would have made him go.

Maybe he was avoiding Jesse and the bus ride. Maybe his grandparents were driving him.

That was it, Jesse decided. Shaun would be in second period chemistry, his usual dour self. Jesse wouldn’t be able to deliver his speech in class, but he could wait.

When the bus stopped next, Emily, Kenny and the others got on. Emily’s face lit up when she saw Jesse sitting by himself. She led her brother to the back of the bus and their friends followed.

No one commented on Shaun’s absence.

Everyone started talking at once. They wanted to go out tonight and Jesse was invited. Emily and Sunny mentioned a new movie everyone wanted to see in theaters. There was going to be another get-together afterwards.

Jesse didn’t want to outright say he wasn’t interested. He wasn’t though. He wanted to make-up with Shaun. He made an excuse about babysitting and said he wasn’t sure whether he’d be able to get out of it or not. Kenny gave him a weird look, but Emily told him to “wait and see”. Maybe Monica would give him the night off again. Jesse didn’t want to be too obvious. He didn’t want everyone thinking he’d rather be with Shaun babysitting than with the popular kids at a party. He did though. Whether he’d admit to it or not.

So, he put up with Emily’s excited chatter. He didn’t turn her down. When they got to the high school, he followed her and Kenny into the building. He kept his eye out for Shaun, but they didn’t run into each other.

During first period Jesse wrote and discarded several notes for Shaun. Jordan was curious. He looked over his shoulder more than once as Jesse wrote and wrote. He asked sarcastically if he was writing love notes to Emily.

It seemed everyone knew about their date. Jesse was embarrassed, too. He’d never felt so much pressure for a first date. He wasn’t even sure he was interested in going anymore.

The note was a love letter, all right. It was full of a lot of emotions and heartfelt promises. Shaun would turn bright red when he read it. The thought made Jesse smile.

When math class ended, he stuck the note in his pocket and got ready for a confrontation. He ditched Jordan as soon as he could and hurried to the chemistry room.

Shaun wasn’t there when Jesse arrived. He tried not to be discouraged. He took his seat and sat straight up with his back rigid. He waited expectantly for Shaun to amble in, scowling at everything in creation.

The late bell rang, but still Jesse waited.

And he waited through History.

And through lunch.

And gym.

But Shaun wasn’t in class. He wasn’t in the school at all.

Jesse was hurt. Shaun didn’t seem like the kind of person who would run from his problems, but he’d skipped school entirely to avoid another confrontation.

On the bus ride home Jesse sat beside Emily. He wasn’t happy about it, but he tried his best not to look bored as he listened to her talk about the hilarious movie they were seeing tonight. She wanted Jesse to come. She was adamant about it.

Jesse was unwilling to commit to a night out, but he promised he’d call if he was able to escape his babysitting duties. He told her not to count on it.

That shut her up.

When Jesse and Sam got off the bus, Jesse didn’t even bother going into the house. He turned and started for Shaun’s.

“Where are you going?” Sam called after him.

Jesse didn’t respond. It seemed obvious to him where he was going, so he kept walking. The grass grew in unruly patches between the properties and the weeds tangled in his shoelaces and brushed against his bare arms.

Jesse slowed as he neared Shaun’s lawn. He didn’t know what he should say.

He was divided. He wanted to reprimand him for skipping school. He also wanted to beg for his forgiveness. He didn’t want Shaun to avoid him anymore.

He was still deciding what to say when he crossed the gravel driveway. There were a couple jolly gnomes and a fat frog amongst the shrubbery. Jesse shoved his hands in his pockets and studied the ugly decorations. He chewed his lip and steeled himself. He didn’t want to be caught standing on Shaun’s doorstep. He climbed up the porch, lifted his fist and knocked.

The door was jerked open. Jesse stepped back to make room.

An old woman, Shaun’s grandma Jesse realized, held the door open. She was the spitting image of Shaun. They had the same frizzy hair, the same dark penetrating eyes and the same wide mouth. The only real difference was that her hair was gray, and she was heavyset. Oh, and she was a woman, of course.

“Who are you?” Shaun’s grandma asked in a shrill voice. She furrowed her thick brows and looked him over with apathy.

“I’m ah…” Jesse fidgeted under her stare. He should have been used to getting stared at considering all the time Shaun spent staring at him, but her gaze didn’t feel as…familiar as Shaun’s did. “I’m here to see Shaun. I’m a friend of his…from school.”

The old woman snorted like a pig. She crossed her pudgy arms. “Who are you?” she said again. “Shaun doesn’t have any friends.” Jesse fought not to cringe. He was already starting to see why Shaun disliked her. He’d known her for five seconds and already thought she was crude.

“I’m new in town. I live down the road.” Jesse pointed the way he’d come and the old woman looked over his shoulder skeptically. “Shaun’s been helping me babysit.”

Shaun’s grandma laughed. “Shaun? Babysitting?”

Jesse shrugged. “Yeah?”

When Jesse didn’t immediately back down and change his story, the old woman’s amusement drained away. She scratched her rounded chin. “He did say he was at a friend’s house this week,” she admitted.

“He was talking about me. I’m Jesse.” He considered being a gentleman and offering his hand for a shake, but the old woman had her ham like hands on her hips now. He decided against it. “Is Shaun home?” he asked instead.

She sneered. “Oh, don’t you know?”

Since when had this conversation become a guessing game? “No…?”

“Shaun left this morning. Said he was going to band practice.” She rolled her eyes and looked skywards. “The good Lord has his work cut out with that boy.”

“He’s…with his band?” Jesse said.

Shaun’s grandma glared at him. “Isn’t that what I just said?”

“Well, yes, but I mean…” Why didn’t he tell me? The question sounded pathetic. He bit his tongue before he could finish the thought.

“Didn’t he tell you?” Shaun’s grandma asked, unintentionally rubbing it in.

Jesse shook his head.

“Well, he’ll be gone all weekend. He and those cretin friends of his are practicing today and playing a show tomorrow night.”

“Tomorrow?!” Jesse leapt at the old woman. “Saturday night?!”

Now Shaun’s grandma was really looking at him funny. “Are you all right?”

“Do you know where they’re playing?” Jesse pleaded.

Shaun’s grandma pursed her lips. “I have no idea where my grandson is. Do you think he’d forget to tell you where he was going and then tell me?”

“I—”

“That brat has no consideration for anyone but himself. He’s just like his father,” she said sourly. “I’ll tell you one thing, boy, don’t expect too much from my Shaun. All he cares about is his music, his weed, and pissing me off.”

The old lady stepped back and shut the door, but Jesse wedged his foot in the doorjamb.

“Wait,” he said.

The old lady gave him a vicious glare, but there was no way Jesse was missing the chance to see Shaun play. He had to find him.

“Do you know where they practice?”

The old lady crossed her arms again. She stuffed her hands under her armpits. “Not in the slightest.”

“Do you know where they’re going to play?”

“Some bar.”

Jesse sighed. “Well, do you at least know what the band’s called?”

That that struck a chord. “Oh, it’s something silly…” Shaun’s grandma shifted from one slippered foot to the other as she thought. “Execute…something.”

“Execute Something?” That was weird.

The old lady wrinkled her nose. “Execute Invasion,” she said. The words were poison in her mouth. “He carved it into the wall one night. I had Eli plaster over the whole thing.”

“Oh.”

“Hmm. Now, if you’re done asking questions, I’ve got better things to do.”

“Sure,” Jesse said. He pulled his foot out of the jamb. “Thanks.”

The old woman grunted and then slammed the door in Jesse’s face. Jesse shrugged off the lady’s rudeness. He spun, hopped off the porch, and raced home with a new purpose.

Sam was on the couch when he got back, playing X-box.

“Where’s your friend?” he asked nosily, but Jesse was already running upstairs to be alone. He didn’t answer.

He looked up every bar, club and restaurant within fifty miles on Google. He went down the list, making calls.

It took close to two hours, but finally, finally, Jesse found the place. Execute Invasion was headlining tomorrow night at a biker bar thirty miles away.

Jesse was so excited! He wondered if Shaun had any fan girls or if there’d be a mosh pit. Maybe there’d be an awesome after party with booze! Whatever the case, Jesse couldn’t wait to see his best friend.

Emily’s ears must have been ringing. Just then, Jesse got a text from the girl and their Saturday night plans came rushing back. Fuck…he was supposed to go on a date tomorrow night!

I know you said you couldn’t come tonight, but I was just checking, Emily texted.

Jesse stared at the message. He was drenched in guilt. He felt like Emily watched him through the screen.

I’ll find out when my mom comes home, Jesse texted back. She’ll be here soon.

Jesse had been planning on skipping out on tonight completely, but he was reconsidering that decision. Maybe he owed it to Emily, and it wasn’t like he had anything better to do tonight. He had no way of finding Shaun’s practice space with the scraps of information he’d received. He’d have to wait until tomorrow to make his move.

Cool, Emily said. We can pick you up, if she says you can come out with us.

Jesse sighed and put his phone down. Why was he doing this? He wanted Shaun’s friendship more than he wanted Emily. Hell, he wasn’t sure he needed a girlfriend at all. Hadn’t that been the main goal?

Jesse stayed in his room, contemplating his life choices. He could hear the twins downstairs, but it didn’t sound like Sam needed any help. The sound of cartoons floated from the living room.

About an hour after Emily’s text, Jesse heard the front door open followed by Monica’s voice. Feeling obligated, Jesse dragged himself down to greet her.

“Mom?”

“Hey Jess.” Monica crouched in front of the twins, giving them hugs. She looked around Jesse curiously. “Where’s your friend?”

“Band practice,” Jesse said.

Brian totted out from the kitchen with a juice pouch. “Shaun’s not here?” he cried. His cheerful face instantly crumbled.

“He’s busy tonight,” Jesse told him.

“Noooo,” Brian whined. He tried to get around Jesse and upstairs, possibly investigating the veracity of the claim for himself. Jesse scooped him up and held him tight.

“Really ?” Monica said. “I was going to give you the night off. I made up an excuse and skipped out early tonight.”

Jesse sighed. Well, looks like he was going to the movies.

“Don’t sound too disappointed,” Monica chuckled.

“I’m not. I got invited to a movie,” he said.

“Sounds fun,” Monica said. She moved into the kitchen. “I’m going to start dinner. Sam, can you keep an eye on the baby?”

“Can you keep an eye on the baby?” Sam repeated in a whiny voice. “When do I get a night off?”

Jesse escaped to the bedroom with Brian in his arms. He flipped the little TV on for the toddler and sat down to send a text to Emily.

Emily was ecstatic. She said they’d be over to pick him up in less than an hour. The movie started at 7:00.

Jesse wanted to cancel the plans for the dance tomorrow, but he couldn’t muster the courage. He’d have to sit through an entire movie with Kenny glaring daggers at him. Fuck, why had he thought dating Emily would ever be a good idea?

“Is that Shaun?” Brian asked. He sat on the floor, watching Jesse text from the edge of Sam’s bed. “Is he coming over?”

“No honey. I told you he’s busy tonight. I’m going to see him tomorrow,” Jesse said. He put his phone away and gestured for Brian to sit in his lap.

The toddler had a long face, but he got up and climbed into Jesse’s arms. “Are you going to his house?”

“I’m going to see Shaun play with his band. At a bar.”

Brian’s face lit up. “I want to come!”

Jesse shook his head. “You can’t. Little kids aren’t allowed. It’s a place for grownups.”

Brian pouted. He pushed Jesse away and stomped out of the room in a toddler rage. Jesse heard him making a mess with Legos in the nursery.

Jesse sighed. He shouldn’t have promised him he’d get to see Shaun today. It wasn’t fair.

He picked something clean to wear and got ready to go. He changed the TV to something semi-interesting, a paranormal show, and waited for his ride.

Forty minutes later, he heard Kenny’s truck pull up in the driveway. He always had his music up way too loud.

Jesse went out to greet his friends before they came to the door. He just wanted to get this over with.

“I’m so glad you can come with us!” Emily said as Jesse got in the truck. She threw her arms around him and squeezed him tight.

“Yeah, me too,” he said. He patted her back awkwardly.

Emily kissed him on the cheek and took his hand. She didn’t look at her brother, but Jesse did.

Kenny watched them like a hawk. It was unnerving. Jesse felt his palm start to sweat, but he didn’t let go of Emily. He was afraid to.

They met up with the crew at the movie theater in town. It was a small place. They were showing four movies on two screens.

Eric and Sara were ahead of them in the ticket line. Eric paid for his girlfriend and Emily whispered in Jesse’s ear.

“They’re such a cute couple.”

Jesse had cash in his pocket. He felt obligated to pay for Emily. She squeezed his hand and rested her head on Jesse’s shoulder as he got tickets for two.

Next, they followed Rick and Lee to the concession stand. Lee wanted popcorn.

“He takes such good care of her,” Emily cooed.

That was his cue. Grudgingly, Jesse forked over another ten bucks for a bucket of popcorn and a drink for Emily. They were surrounded by couples!

When the lot of them shuffled into the theater, Jesse got squeezed between his date and her brother, Kenny. He held the bucket of popcorn on his lap, in extreme distress. Emily insisted on holding Jesse’s hand the entire time. It was a territorial thing. She was staking her claim. Jesse felt like his skin was crawling with ants. He didn’t have a free hand to scratch though. He was miserable.

The movie started and so did Emily’s relentless chatter. She was a big talker during movies, it seemed. Everything that happened, Emily had some sort of opinion or comment. It was beyond distracting.

Beside him, Kenny laughed at the corny jokes on-screen. On the other side of him, Eric and Jordan tossed popcorn back and forth. Emily sipped loudly on her straw. She never stopped talking.

By the time the credits rolled, Jesse had a major headache. He hadn’t watched the movie. There had been so many conversations going on, food flying, Sunny kept kicking the back of his seat and Lee ran to the bathroom a hundred different times…

He was done with these people. He wanted to go home.

“Come to the party with us,” Emily mewled when they got back in the truck.

“I’ve got a terrible headache,” Jesse said. He squeezed the bridge of his nose for effect. “I wouldn’t be any fun.”

“You weren’t any fun at the movie,” Kenny said.

“Ken! Don’t be such an asshole,” Emily cried.

“He didn’t laugh a single time,” Kenny pointed out. “You sat there like a rock.”

Jesse shrugged. “I don’t feel good. Must have been something I ate at home.”

“Must have been,” Kenny gave him a side-long look and Jesse resolutely looked away.

“I hope you feel better by tomorrow,” Emily said. She drew Jesse’s clammy hand to her lips. She kissed it tenderly. “The dance is going to be so much fun. You can’t miss it.”

This seemed like the perfect opportunity to escape the unwanted event, but Jesse felt Kenny’s eyes on him. His glare was tangible. It was a lot like the death glares Shaun subjected him to. Only, Jesse was scared of what might happen if he dared to challenge it.

Jesse cleared his throat. “I’ll be alright,” he said. “I need a good night’s rest. That’s all.”

On the ride back to Jesse’s, Emily detailed the dinner Saturday night she had previously failed to mention. It was another meet and greet with the parents. How wonderful.

“Can you be at my house? Around 6:00?” she asked.

“Sure.” Jesse was already feeling the panic set in. “I can borrow my mom’s van.”

“Great! I’ll send you the address later tonight.”

They dropped Jesse off in front of his house. Emily had to climb out to give Jesse enough room to escape.

“Don’t be late tomorrow,” Kenny said as Jesse slid out the passenger door.

Jesse paused. “I won’t.”

“You’d better get lots of rest tonight,” he said, giving Jesse a pointed look. “Don’t disappoint my sister.”

Jesse swallowed. The fucking pressure! “I—I won’t.”

“Kenny. Don’t be a creep,” Emily chastised. She put her hand on Jesse’s lower back and drew him away from the truck.

“Don’t worry about him,” Emily said. “He’s not coming to the dance. He won’t bother us.”

“He’s not bothering me,” Jesse said. His lips stretched into a thin smile.

“Well, I think he’s being a pain,” Emily said. She shut her eyes, took a deep breath and then forced a smile on her face. “I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”

“Me too,” Jesse said. His throat was closing up. How was he supposed to get to the dance and the biker bar? He couldn’t miss either.

Emily leaned in and kissed Jesse softly on the lips. It was chaste. It wasn’t anything to write home about, but they had kissed. Right in front of Kenny. It seemed like a power move.

Emily smiled brilliantly when she pulled back. It wasn’t forced. Her eyes twinkled in the moonlight and Jesse felt his heart thudding in his chest, not from excitement, but from absolute terror. He had to make tomorrow night work. He had to try. Kenny would skin him alive if he messed this up.

The nervous anticipation built overnight. Jesse tossed and turned in his bed. He wished Shaun had mentioned he was playing a show Saturday night…he suspected if he had, Jesse wouldn’t be in this stupid predicament right now.

But he hadn’t and now Jesse had to figure everything out himself.

Jesse got up around noon. He wished he could have slept in longer. The sad part was he could have; Monica had taken the kids for a shopping trip. The house was empty and silent. Jesse was too anxious to enjoy it.

By 5:00, Jesse was a nervous wreck. He was close to calling Emily and canceling.

Shaun’s band started playing around 9:00. The bar was almost an hour away. There was no way he could do the dance and still make it to the bar in time. He had to decide. He’d have to ditch Emily…or take her along.

He decided taking Emily was the route least likely to get him killed. So, Jesse got cleaned up, combed his hair, dressed in his nicest button-up and jeans ensemble and showed up at Emily’s house at 6:00 on the dot.

“Jesse!” Emily threw open the door. She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so glad you came.”

Emily was dressed in a pink frilly dress and her silver flats. Her hair was in a fancy up-do and she wore little earrings in the shape of crosses. In other words, her outfit was completely inappropriate for a biker bar.

“I said I’d be here,” Jesse said, hugging her back weakly. He was so damned nervous!

Emily’s house was big. The layout was similar to Jesse’s, though it was much nicer both inside and out. The living room screamed class and refinement with its polished hardwood floors, pristine white furniture, artfully arranged flowers on the tables and the beautiful black and white photographs of the countryside on the walls.

Then Emily’s parents stepped into the room. He remembered seeing them briefly on Wednesday and he instantly started to sweat.

“Hello Jesse, nice to see you again.” Emily’s mom stepped forward. She was tall and dark-haired. Her delicate features resembled Emily’s. She hugged Jesse in greeting. He stiffened and bore it silently.

“You too, Mrs. Taylor.”

“Call me Sue, sweetheart,” Emily’s mom said kindly. She could probably smell his unease.

“I’m Paul.” Emily’s dad introduced himself next. He clapped Jesse on the shoulder. “Our daughter’s quite taken with you.”

“I like her, too,” Jesse said in a daze. Paul smiled toothily in reply.

The four of them stared at each other for a moment. Jesse felt sweat beading along his hairline.

Sue clapped her hands together. “Well, let’s get dinner started,” she said. “We know you two lovebirds have a fabulous night planned.” She smiled. Everyone was fucking grinning.

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor swept into the other room.

“C’mon Jesse,” Emily called.

Jesse took the brief reprieve to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He expected his plans for the night wouldn’t sit well with either parent. The thought twisted his stomach into knots. How the fuck was he supposed to eat anything?

Luckily, dinner wasn’t finished. Sue served sparkling water and cheese and crackers in the dining room while she tended to the roast in the kitchen.

Jesse was seated across the table from Emily. Paul sat at the head of the table and his wife was seated at the opposite end, at the only free space available.

Jesse had never been in a house nice enough to have a separate room for dining. The formality of it, from the fancy place settings with linen napkins, multiple forks and the crystal wine glasses, to the strict seating arrangements made Jesse more nervous than ever. The three of them—mostly Emily and her father—chatted about the dance while Sue clattered around in the other room. Jesse was uncomfortable. His mouth was dry, and he savored his bubbly, non-alcoholic drink. He was so glad no one was making him talk about himself. That relief was short lived, however.

Dinner was served. Salad, a roast with potatoes and carrots, and a basket with dinner rolls. Once everyone was seated and dishing food onto their plates, Emily’s parents began to grill Jesse.

They asked a million questions about his family and their move from Detroit. They wanted to know about Jesse’s progress in school and asked him in-depth questions about his future college and career plans. Jesse made most of it up. He had no plans; he wasn’t interested in college and had no idea what kind of career he would fall into. He was embarrassed by his single mother, her failed relationships, and being one of her many offspring. He pulled it off though. Everyone listened with extreme interest as he lied about his grades and talked about wanting to be a doctor. The hard work his mother did at the hospital had sparked his interest and his siblings were his inspiration.

When Jesse was close to finishing his roast the most important question of all came up. Sue asked about Jesse’s beliefs.

“Did he have faith?” “Was his mother a Christian?” “Was he baptized?” “Had he shared the love of Jesus Christ with his siblings?”

Jesse, for the most part, believed in God. But they certainly didn’t have a good relationship. He’d never spent so much time talking about him either. The stupid, circular conversation went on for what felt like forever when it had only been twenty minutes. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but then again, what did it matter? The worst thing that could happen was Emily being barred from the date tonight and that would solve all of Jesse’s problems anyway!

“Mom, dad, I hate to interrupt, but it’s getting late,” Emily said after another of Jesse’s stilted answers. “We’d better get going. The dance is starting. We don’t want to miss out on the fun.”

“Goodness, I’m sorry,” Sue laughed, sounding anything but. “We’ve been interrogating you for over an hour, haven’t we?”

“That’s all right,” Paul answered for Jesse before he could even open his mouth. “It’s not often Emily brings a boy home. We’re just curious.”

“Er…yeah,” Jesse said.

“Well, can we go now?” Emily gave her father a pleading look with her hands clasped together.

Paul smiled at his daughter. He studied her in silence. After a moment his eyes moved to Jesse.

Jesse didn’t feel comfortable under his scrutinizing stare. He’d rather face Shaun’s death glare any day.

Paul cleared his throat. “You know the rules, Emily. Home by 11:00.”

“Thanks Dad!” Emily went around the table to kiss her father on the cheek. She wasted no time. She rounded the table, took Jesse’s hand and yanked him out of the room. She stopped to grab a dainty purse on the coffee table and then they were rushing out the door.

“Sorry about them,” Emily said once they were in the van. “They’ll soften up once they get to know you.”

“Oh, good.” Jesse started the engine.

“You looked so nervous! Maybe I can make it up to you tonight,” Emily said with a laugh.

Jesse didn’t know what she meant by that, but when he checked the dashboard and saw it was five minutes past 8:00, he firmed his resolve.

“Would you mind if we skipped the dance?”

Emily’s smile dropped.

“What kind of girl do you think I am?”

“What?”

“Do you seriously think I’ll fuck you just because you picked me up and spent two hours sucking up to my parents?!”

Jesse blinked. “Uh, no. But there is somewhere else I wanted to go.”

“Like back to your room?” Emily snapped. “I can’t believe you!” She tossed her head like an angry horse. She looked strangely fierce all in pink with her hair flying around her.

“No…” Jesse didn’t want to admit where he was planning on going. He knew Emily wouldn’t approve. But she certainly wasn’t happy now.

“I don’t understand. Where would you rather take me than to the dance you promised?”

“A show.” Jesse blurted, hoping to shut her up. “I wanted to see a band.”

“A band?” Emily narrowed her eyes. “Where is this band?”

“Well…” Jesse accidentally bit the inside of his cheek. He tasted blood. “It’s far. It’s like a forty-minute drive. We have to go now, or we’ll miss the beginning.” He glanced at the time again. Another three minutes had passed. “It starts at 9:00.”

Emily stared him down. “You’d better not try to get me drunk.”

“No. Of course not.”

“And you’d better not take advantage of me.”

Jesse had no plans to “take advantage” of anyone. For the first time tonight, he was being totally honest.

“I won’t,” he said.

“All right then,” Emily said. Her expression softened.

Jesse let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. He shifted his free hand through his hair, ruining its neatly combed appearance.

“It’s just that…” Emily started. “The guys around here expect you to put out after a couple dates. I went out with you because I thought you’d be different, only…” she laughed. “I thought you were trying to get in my pants before the night had even started.”

Jesse shook his head. “No.” He’d totally given up on getting laid. There was a good chance she wouldn’t come out with him again, either, once she found out whose band they were going to see.

“Guess we’d better hurry then. We’ve only got an hour,” Emily said.

“Right.” Jesse backed out of the driveway and headed toward the freeway. It was the fastest way to the bar according to the directions off Google.

It was 8:10. Jesse stepped on the gas.

Emily was quiet for most of the ride. She turned her attention to her phone. Jesse knew this had been a bad idea, but there was no turning back now.

Jesse tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He was so close to seeing Shaun… The only thing that separated them was distance, and Jesse was rapidly closing the space between them. He was almost embarrassed how intensely he longed to be in Shaun’s presence. He missed him terribly. Maybe it had only been two days, but Jesse was anxious to make sure everything was right between them.

He hoped there wasn’t a bouncer at this place. The bar’s reviews said it was a total shithole frequented by a local biker gang. It was understaffed, the lighting was bad, but the drinks were cheap. Jesse figured if Shaun was allowed inside, he and Emily would be able to sneak in, too.

Close to the exit, Jesse made a wrong turn that costed them fifteen minutes. He cursed his bad luck and did an illegal U-turn to get back on track.

Jesse scoured the landscape until he found the place. It was right off the highway. There was no visible signage indicating the name of the place, but Jesse knew this grungy bar was it. The parking lot was filled with bikes. It looked like the whole gang had showed up. A few semi-trucks were parked in the back, as well.

“Are you sure this is it?” Emily asked. She’d looked nervously out the window. They were they only van in lot. She pulled at the edge of her dress.

“Yeah.” Jesse felt her pain. He hadn’t dressed up all that much, but he imagined they would stick out like sore thumbs. “Ah…do you want to wear my hoodie?” He fished around in the back seat for the sweatshirt he’d spotted earlier.

And then he actually found it.

“Oh.” It was Sam’s hoodie. It had stupid anime characters all over it.

Emily glanced at it, looked back at bar, and then snatched it up. “It’s better than nothing,” she said.

Nobody tried to stop them as they walked through the door a quarter after nine. There was no staff guarding the door, no bouncers with wrist bands, nothing. They were late, but just in time as far as Jesse was concerned.

The most amazing guitar riff reverberated across the room as they stepped into the gloomy bar. There were people everywhere, bikers in their leathers, a couple cowboys at the bar, old fat men in suspenders. Jesse scanned the room, but none of that caught his eye.

Shaun looked incredible.

The normally sullen and pinched looking boy stood on a stage against the back wall. His legs were spread in a power stance, his back curved as he bent over his guitar. His head was down, and his mop of frizzy hair obscured his face. His fingers flew over the fret board as the most amazing sound came from him! Jesse couldn’t look away.

“Shaun?” Emily said. “That’s who we’re here to see?” She sucked her teeth, but with a sigh she possessively grabbed Jesse’s arm and drew him toward the stage.

Just then, Shaun threw his head back and…well not to sound gay or anything—because Jesse was definitely straight—but Shaun looked fucking hot. His eyes were shut as he swung his guitar around and nodded his head to the music. He was completely lost in the sound. Sweat beaded on his pale skin and ran down his throat. His whole body moved in rhythm.

Emily found a table and pushed Jesse toward a chair. He stumbled and looked down so he could find his chair. Once he was seated and Emily was squeezing in beside him, he looked up and met Shaun’s wide and surprised eyes.

Caught, Jesse grinned.

The corners of Shaun’s mouth twitched upward ever so slightly. He fumbled and for a few beats, he and Jesse stared at one another, caught in beautiful musical haze. Then Shaun tore into his guitar again. He went back to doing his thing. He broke the eye contact and just like that, the spell was broken, and Jesse was able to take in his surroundings.

The other band members weren’t all that great.

Well, that was a little harsh. From what Jesse could tell, the music was solid. The drummer was pretty good, though he looked bored sitting behind his drum kit. The bassist was all right. He smirked at some cute leather-clad girls near the stage. The guitar, of course, was perfect in every fucking way. No complaints there. But the singer? He sucked. He was clearly drunk. He seemed more interested in yelling and screeching into the microphone than singing in melody.

It was bringing the whole thing down.

“The singer sucks,” Jesse said into Emily’s ear.

“Uh…they’re all pretty bad,” Emily said and Jesse felt himself bristle.

“Shaun’s great,” he said, turning away. He didn’t care what Emily thought, but he’d rather she kept her mouth shut if she was going to say stupid shit like that.

“I’m going to get a drink. I’ll be back,” Emily said and promptly disappeared.

Jesse barely noticed.

The song ended, catching Jesse by surprise. There was a round of halfhearted applause from the bar. Jesse made sure he clapped as loud as he possibly could and when Shaun spared him another incredulous look, he put his fingers in his mouth and whistled.

For a second, Jesse was sure Shaun was going to laugh, but then he looked away.

“OK, guys…” The singer slurred. He gripped the mic stand like it was the only thing keeping him up. “Here’s another original for ya. It’s called ‘Swallow the World’.”

Shaun cut through the last of the singer’s intro with another insane guitar riff. Jesse squirmed in his seat, fighting the urge to scream out loud like a stupid fan girl.

He’d totally known Shaun was cool…ever since he’d met him. But now that they were friends… That awesome figure on the shitty stage, oozing musical genius, became this unattainable God or something! It was hard to believe he’d had that boy in his house, had him lying in his bed every day the past week, smoking weed with him like it was no big deal. Jesse was star struck.

“Hey, I got you one.” Emily said. She plopped a beer down in front of him and then returned to her seat. She sighed heavily and continued to be an enormous buzz kill.

Shaun’s band played two more original songs and then did a few covers.

Jesse continued to be amazed by his best friend. He never wanted this moment to end, but at the same time, he couldn’t wait for them to finish the setlist so he could go and talk to Shaun. The desire to be at his side was overwhelming.

Emily looked bored. Her mood slowly shifted to angry as Jesse continued to ignore her.

After what seemed like hours and mere minutes all at once, the singer said “goodnight” to the audience and was applauded off the stage. He went straight to the bar.

The other band members started breaking their shit down. Shaun purposefully didn’t look Jesse’s way, but he was moving unnaturally slow like he was waiting for something.

“I’ve gotta go say hi.” Jesse excused himself. “I’ll be back,” he promised before he ran to the stage.

He twisted his way through the tables. They were close together and packed with bikers, but nothing was keeping Jesse from Shaun.

“Oh my god! You were so good!” Jesse cried once he was within earshot. Shaun straightened up and pushed his wild hair back with an absent hand. He stared down at Jesse, the slight smile from earlier teasing the edges of his lips. Jesse had tried to convince himself the entire walk over not to, but he pulled himself up the side of the stage and threw his arms around Shaun. He hugged him tightly.

“Jesse!” Shaun hissed. His hands rested heavily on Jesse’s shoulder blades. He was tense, but he didn’t push him away.

Jesse let go. He straightened up with a laugh, hoping to brush off the awkward moment. “You should have warned me you were so awesome.” He smiled hugely. “I had an idea, but…wow. You’re amazing, Shaun.”

Shaun blushed. He looked around shifty-eyed. No one but Emily, the bassist and the drummer were looking at them though. The drummer looked like he was trying not to laugh.

“C’mon.” Shaun pulled him off the stage and to the side, giving them a little privacy. At least it was dark over here.

“You were,” Jesse said once they were more or less alone. “I’ve never seen anyone play that good.”

“You’re a jackass,” Shaun said. He grinned, showing his teeth.

Jesse opened his mouth. He wanted to say all the things he’d saved up since Thursday night, but nothing would come out.

Shaun was sweaty and flushed. His dark eyes were charged with an incredible energy. He radiated confidence and power. Jesse stood in front of a total stranger. A sexy, impassioned stranger.

They stared into each other’s eyes. Jesse looked deep into the dark and swirling depths, searching for traces of the boy he knew from school. He looked so deep, he felt himself falling into those eyes. His head spun.

“Whoa,” he muttered. He looked away. He had to. He reached out and grabbed the wall to steady himself.

“You OK?” Shaun was at his side in an instant. He raised a hand to help, but he never touched Jesse. His hand hung there in the air, suspended. Jesse stared at it instead of meeting Shaun’s questioning gaze.

“Fuck you, I’m fine,” Jesse mumbled. He shook his head and tried to reorient himself.

“Fuck you too,” Shaun shot back, good-naturedly. “How’d you find me anyway?”

“I went to your house after school,” Jesse said. He chanced another look at Shaun. “Your grandma told me you’d skipped class to practice for tonight’s show.”

If Shaun minded him going behind his back to talk to his grandmother, he didn’t show it. Instead, he looked confused.

“She doesn’t know where we play.”

“Yeah, I had to call every bar in a hundred-mile radius, looking for one headlining Execute Invasion.” Jesse poked Shaun in the chest. Shaun’s mouth curled up at the edges. He looked smug. “Don’t laugh at me. I came all the way out here, just to see you,” Jesse said, his voice softening unconsciously.

Shaun was smiling at him, as much as he ever smiled anyway, and everything felt like it was back to normal. Shaun wasn’t mad, Jesse was joking around, they were talking like they’d never argued in the first place, but something felt off.

“Are you all right?” Shaun cocked his head to the side as if he could assess Jesse’s health by looking at him from a different angle. “Do you want me to take you home?” he asked softly.

“I…ah…” Jesse hesitated. Not because he didn’t want that. He did. He wanted Shaun to take him home. He wanted Shaun all to himself, but… “Emily’s with me.”

“Yeah.” Shaun’s face darkened at the reminder. “I saw her.”

“I wouldn’t have brought her but…” Jesse felt like an asshole admitting that aloud, but it was the truth.

“Don’t tell me you dragged her from that fucked up church thing and brought her here?”

Jesse shrugged. “We didn’t even make it to the dance.

Shaun smirked. He glanced toward the crowded part of the bar where Emily sat and continued to look smug. Jesse didn’t follow Shaun’s eyes. He hoped Emily wasn’t looking their way.

“She thought I was bringing her here so I could take advantage of her,” he admitted. “I thought she was going to beat me up.”

“I think she still might,” Shaun said cryptically. He was still looking over Jesse’s shoulder.

“Oh fuck…is she watching us?” Jesse bit his lip. He knew Emily was staring at them… It was like he was chatting up a cute girl while his girlfriend furiously watched. This wasn’t the situation at all, but he still felt horrible.

“Oh yeah. She looks pissed.”

“Fuck,” Jesse cursed under his breath.

“C’mon. I’ll take you home. You don’t have to go with her,” Shaun urged. He looked intently at Jesse. “We can get the fuck out of here…together,” He breathed. He sounded desperate.

Jesse bit the inside of his cheek again.

“Ow,” he muttered. He rubbed his bottom lip as he considered what to do. Shaun watched him with narrowed eyes. “I drove,” he said slowly. “I can’t leave the van…I can’t ditch her.”

Shaun looked angry. He straightened up and squared his shoulders. An invisible barrier shot up between them.

“I’m—” Jesse fought the urge to apologize. “Can I come over tomorrow?”

Shaun sneered. “Don’t you have to go to church with your little girlfriend?”

Jesse had, in fact, promised to sit with Emily and her parents Sunday morning. Why did he keep promising people shit?!

“After church,” he clarified.

Shaun looked displeased and Jesse was sure he’d refuse, but he nodded shortly. “Tomorrow. When you’re done with Emily.”

“OK.” Jesse smiled brilliantly. He leaned forward. He wanted to hug his friend again, or at least touch him, but he abandoned the idea when Shaun bristled and his whole body tensed. Jesse sighed. He gave his friend one last long look and then turned to go back to Emily.

Emily sat right where Jesse had left her. There were two dirty looking guys in leather vests sitting on either side of her now. They were trying to get her attention. Emily ignored them completely. She only had eyes for Jesse, and she glared at him angrily as he approached.

“C’mon sweetie, tell us your name.” One of the guys said as Jesse neared the table. He looked like a real badass with a bandana on his head and tattoos covering his prominently displayed arms. His friend chuckled under his breath.

“Yeah, we helped you get those beers. We can tell you’re looking for a good time.” This biker was completely bald. He had a huge beard and both ears pierced.

“A girl doesn’t come to a bar all dressed up to ignore everybody,” the first biker said.

Jesse stopped next to the table. He didn’t know what to do.

Emily glared at Jesse. She didn’t make eye contact with either biker, even as they leaned into her face to get her attention. “We need to talk,” she said, poking her finger at Jesse.

“Um…” Jesse hovered next to the table, staring into Emily’s angry face. “Want to go outside?”

The two bikers laughed.

“Yes,” Emily said. “Now.”

“Honey, why would you go anywhere with that little boy?” The bandana’ed biker asked sarcastically. “Why don’t you come sit with us?”

Emily turned and emptied the remainder of Jesse’s beer on the biker’s head.

“Screw you,” she said. “I’m not going anywhere with you!” She dropped the bottle on the floor and jumped up. She ran at Jesse and spun them toward the nearest exit. They ran.

“Shit! Why did you do that?!” Jesse yelled over the sound of the two bikers screaming after them.

“Get back here bitch!”

“We’re going to teach you a lesson!”

Jesse and Emily burst through the front door and together, they sprinted for the van.

Jesse unlocked the doors. They jumped in the vehicle and he slammed the keys into the ignition.

“Hurry up!” Emily yelled. The bikers had brought their friends along. Five of them spilled into the parking lot.

Jesse started the engine and reversed from their spot. The bikers spotted them instantly. The group swarmed the van.

“This is so fucked up,” Jesse hissed under his breath. He shifted into drive and punched the gas. They flew past the bikers and whipped onto the road. In seconds, the bikers and their bar were lost in the rearview mirror.

“Did you have to do that?!” he yelled. Emily was catching her breath. She glared at him.

“They were trying to pick me up!” Emily cried. “You didn’t even notice. You were too busy obsessing over Shaun.” She made a face, like the name passing her lips made her sick.

“Fuck…” Jesse had screwed up tonight. He should have made an excuse and canceled. He could have said he had to babysit or that he was sick or…something! Emily and Kenny would have gotten over it eventually.

“I need to tell you something important…if you’ll listen,” Emily said after a moment of silence. She’d calmed down. She even attempted to look earnest when she met Jesse’s eyes.

Jesse looked away, back at the road. It was getting late. Before, when they’d been driving up here, there had been other people on the road but now it was all but deserted. Emily had an eleven o’clock curfew, and it was just past 10:30 now.

Jesse sped up until he was going almost twenty over the limit.

“It’s about Shaun,” Emily said.

Jesse looked at her. “What?”

Emily rolled her eyes. “You’re obsessed with him.”

“I’m not,” Jesse said forcefully. “We’re friends. That’s all.”

Emily shook her head. “We’ve all told you he’s not friend material. We’ve all told you to stay away from him, too, but you’ve totally ignored us.”

Jesse furrowed his brow. How was this important?

“To you, Shaun must seem…like a…normal person,” she said slowly.

“Normal?” That wasn’t exactly how Jesse would describe Shaun. Who was normal anyway?

“Shaun’s not normal, Jesse,” Emily said firmly. “And now that we’re dating, I can’t stand by and let you be friends with someone like him.”

Jesse pulled a face. Shaun was right, Emily was a cunt sometimes. She and her friends wanted to make Shaun this terrible boogie man so he wouldn’t spend time with him anymore. What did it matter to them who he hung out with?!

“What are you going to say, Emily? Are you going to tell me about that time Shaun shoved someone and insulted them? I don’t care about that dumb shit.”

“No,” Emily said. “I’m going to tell you a story.”

Jesse snorted. “A story?”

“It’s like an urban legend around here,” Emily said tautly. “But it really happened. I saw it happen.”

Jesse ground his teeth together. “It?”

Emily tucked her hair behind her ears and turned so her back was to the window. She looked at Jesse straight-on. “When we were kids, like seven or eight, Shaun and I were in the same classroom. I think it was first grade.”

“One day, Shaun came to school, and he was…covered in bruises and cuts.” Emily touched her face. “He had a black eye and a split lip… I mean, it was obvious he’d been beaten.”

“Was he being bullied?” Jesse asked. He felt bad, but this was hardly a story worth telling. It wasn’t particularly damning. Jesse got in fights sometimes, too. He hadn’t been seven or eight at the time, but Shaun was different.

“Yeah. They thought some older kids might have messed with him. Even back then Shaun had a mouth on him.” Jesse smiled at that. He bet Shaun had been a real hellraiser as a kid. “But Shaun denied it,” Emily said. “He said he was fine and honestly, besides the bruises, he seemed OK. They hadn’t even taken him out of the classroom at this point, because he was so calm.”

“They couldn’t get Shaun to name any names. So, they took him to the nurse to get patched up, and they called his parents to pick him up.”

“You mean his grandparents,” Jesse said.

“No, his parents,” Emily said. “He didn’t live with his grandparents back then. He had a mom and dad like everyone else. Once.”

Jesse’s eyebrows climbed into his hairline.

“Well, his parents never picked up the phone,” Emily said. She paused dramatically before dropping the bomb. “They were both dead.”

“Oh.” Jesse had guessed something bad had happened to Shaun’s parents. He hadn’t known if it was abandonment or death or just a bad fight that kept Shaun from his natural mother and father, but since Shaun had had such a bad reaction to even the word “parents” Jesse had never tried to figure it out. But they were dead? Both of them?

“They didn’t just die, Jesse,” Emily said. “His mother was murdered by his father. Then he killed himself.” The girl in the pink dress looked utterly horrified. She had her hand pressed to her chest. “I won’t go into the details, because I don’t know them all, but I guess Shaun’s father came home from work, beat Shaun until he couldn’t move and then turned on his wife. He stabbed her; I think. He killed himself next. He slit his throat and bled to death. And you know what?”

“What?” Jesse whispered.

“Shaun watched the whole thing. And he came to school the next day because he didn’t want anyone to find out his parents were dead. He’d wanted to keep it a secret.”

For some reason, that gave Jesse the chills.

“I saw him Jesse. He was completely normal, talking and acting like he always did. He wasn’t bothered by it at all. He went away for a while. He wasn’t in school for a couple of months, but when he showed up again, he was living with his grandparents. They brought him to church sometimes and in Sunday school, our teacher tried to get him to talk about his parents and you know what he said? He started talking about how he’d kept his father’s bowie knife. The one his dad had used to slit his throat. Said he liked to keep it close because it reminded him of his dad.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not!” Emily cried. “Something is deeply wrong with that kid! He hasn’t killed anyone, Jesse, but he’s threatened people…he’s hurt them…who knows when he’s going to snap.” Emily snapped her fingers for effect. “He’ll go crazy one day. Who knows what he’ll do!”

“Not…everyone with crazy parents grows up to be a mass murderer, you know,” Jesse said weakly.

“I know, but you’ve got to admit he’s pretty weird. I mean, what kind of kid watches their parents die right in front of them, and concludes they’d better not tell anyone?”

“I—I don’t know,” Jesse said. He thought about the menacing look Shaun got in his eyes, sometimes. It wasn’t…normal. It was like a vicious animal looking at helpless prey. Jesse had never seen a look like that before and maybe it was because Shaun had seen things other people had not. Things Jesse had never even imagined. With a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, he remembered Shaun showing Brian that violent movie, explaining all those gory deaths in graphic detail. He shuddered. Was Shaun a psychopath?

“I didn’t want to say anything. None of us did because, frankly, it’s a sick story,” Emily said. “He’ll kill me if he finds out I told you. He gets really upset when anyone brings it up.”

Jesse’s eyes widened. “Thanks for telling me.”

“You’re welcome.” Emily was completely relaxed now. She leaned back against the window. “I hope you’ll at least think about keeping your distance.”

Jesse shrugged. Even now he wasn’t ready to write Shaun off that easily.

Emily looked at the dash. “We’re going to be late,” she said.

“Oh.” Jesse had forgotten. He sped up a little more. There weren’t any cops way out here anyway.

“It’s OK. I’ll just make up something,” Emily said.

“They’ll never let me take you out again,” Jesse said with a laugh. It was funny because he wasn’t really that upset.

“You can convince them you’re a good Christian boy tomorrow. Just go along with whatever I say.”

Jesse sighed. He’d already resigned himself to church early the next morning.

“I’ll be there,” he said with an unenthusiastic smile. If she noticed the lack of feeling behind it, she didn’t mention it.