Permanently Black and Blue - 7. Chapter 7

Jesse ran as fast as his legs would carry him. He didn’t let himself stop, because if he did, he’d think about what had just happened.

He reached the house in under a minute. The front door was open, and he slid inside and pressed himself flat against the door as his heart thudded in his chest.

Tyler and Allison were on the couch. They turned and looked at him in surprise.

“Jesse?” Monica called from the kitchen and Jesse peeled himself off the door and bolted for the stairs. He took them two at a time.

Sam was in the bedroom, lying on the bed. His head was buried in his phone, but he looked up when Jesse burst into the room.

“Shit,” Jesse muttered.

Sam glared at him.

Jesse stood tensely in the doorway, vibrating with a nervous energy. “Can you get out of here for a while?”

Sam sneered at him. “Screw you.”

Jesse huffed. He was seconds away from a huge breakdown and the last thing he needed was for Sam to witness it. “Leave!”

Sam looked back at his phone, a taunting smile on his lips. “No.”

Jesse marched across the room and grabbed his brother’s phone. Sam yelped in protest, but Jesse was already back at the bedroom door.

“I’ll throw it down the stairs if you aren’t out of here in ten seconds.” He started to count down.

“Alright!” Sam leapt up and shot Jesse a nasty look. “I’m going, asshole.”

“Shithead,” Jesse shot back heatedly as his brother stomped into the hall. The second he left the room; Jesse slammed the door behind him.

Finally.

Alone.

Jesse had been expecting an explosive reaction, but he felt nothing.

Numb, he climbed up to his bunk and draped the blankets around himself. He laid back and pulled the blanket over his head and darkness enveloped him.

Shaun had kissed him.

Jesse shivered under his blankets. He didn’t know what to think.

He’d certainly kissed girls who were more experienced than Shaun. Girls who knew how to give a guy an erection with a kiss alone, but Shaun…

Jesse brought his hand to his mouth. He traced his lips slowly with the tips of his fingers.

The feeling of the other boy’s lips on his had been startling to say the least. Strange, unexpected, but not bad. Jesse hadn’t been able to react. Shaun had kissed him so intensely, desperately, it was like nothing he’d ever felt before.

Jesse had become incredibly clingy after hearing Shaun’s backstory. He wasn’t oblivious, like he’d pretended to be. He just couldn’t help himself.

What had happened to Shaun was terrifying and Jesse wanted to touch him at every opportunity to assure himself he was here. Safe. That everything was alright. The feel of Shaun’s taller, sturdier body against Jesse’s smaller form was so reassuring.

But now that they’d kissed, everything felt different.

All those intimate touches, longing looks, the desire to be close… it all made sense now.

Jesse was unequivocally, painfully, stupidly, in love with a boy he’d only known for a few weeks. One who’d seen horrible things and had possibly done things just as bad.

But Jesse wanted him anyway. He needed him in a way he’d never needed anyone before.

Just one kiss had been enough. It had opened a chasm of feeling and emotion and Jesse wanted it back. Desperately.

So, why hadn’t he said anything? Why had he stood there after the kiss with his mouth hanging open? Why hadn’t he kissed Shaun back?

And the crying?

Jesse buried his face in his pillow. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. He couldn’t believe how blubbery he’d been over Shaun’s wounds.

That alone was the biggest indicator Jesse didn’t have normal ‘best friend’ feelings towards the other boy. Just the thought of Shaun being in pain was enough to make him cry like a baby.

Jesse wished he’d stayed. If anything, he could have made sure Shaun got himself looked at.

“Stupid idiot. Cutting yourself doesn’t do any good,” he muttered.

Regardless of Shaun’s stupidity, Jesse couldn’t wait to see his friend again…or whatever he was after everything that had just happened. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say to him, but he knew he had to be near him again. He wanted to touch him and hold him close, maybe even kiss him again.

That brought a smile to Jesse’s lips. He traced his mouth again as he remembered the harsh way Shaun had claimed it.

Somehow, everything would work out. Jesse was determined.

“Jesse?” Brian poked his head into the bedroom. His blue eyes were wide with curiosity.

Jesse sat up. “What’s up, little man?” He hadn’t wanted company, but he found he couldn’t turn the boy away.

“Can I come up?”

Jesse nodded and Brian’s face lit up with excitement. Jesse shrugged off the blankets and made space for the toddler as he clambered up the ladder.

Brian crawled across the bed on his hands and knees. “Is Shaun coming over?”

“Not today,” Jesse said as the toddler curled into his side. It reminded him of Shaun and all the times he’d convinced him to lay in this very bed. He’d invited Shaun to sleep with him Friday night. How had Jesse not realized how completely obsessed he was with him? The whole point in getting Shaun wasted Saturday night was so he could get close to him.

Shaun was upset Jesse hadn’t kissed him back. Didn’t he know Jesse was in love with him?

“Mommy said you were spending the night with Shaun,” Brian said. “How come you don’t have sleepovers here?”

Jesse stroked his hair. “We went to a party.”

“Why didn’t you invite me?” Brian’s bottom lip protruded. “I like parties.”

“It was a grownup party,” Jesse said with a laugh, thinking of the way he’d ended up wrapped around Shaun. That had been terribly ‘grownup’. He’d realized right away Shaun was sporting an erection, but he’d assumed it was because he was drunk and horny. He hadn’t once thought it was because of him.

“You’re not a grownup,” Brian muttered.

Jesse continued to stroke his hair. “I’m eighteen,” he said. “I could move out and get a job if I wanted. That’s pretty adult.”

Brian grumbled under his breath, but Jesse let it slide.

“Hey. Let’s play a game or something,” he said.

That certainly cheered Brian up. He smiled brilliantly as Jesse ruffled his hair. They climbed down from the bunk and went to select a game downstairs.

Playing board games took Jesse’s mind off Shaun for a while, at least. He decided he’d give Shaun the night to calm down. He’d see him tomorrow on the bus. He wasn’t sure what Shaun was thinking, but if the kiss was anything to go by, he had feelings for Jesse, too.

The next morning, the house was surprisingly calm despite it being Monday. The twins ate Pop-tarts in front of the TV. Brian and Lissa sat quietly in the kitchen with Monica, and Sam packed his school bag with a pout. He was probably still upset from yesterday, but he was interested in his phone and didn’t bother anyone with his teenage angst.

Jesse took this as a good sign.

When it was time, he and Sam walked to the end of the driveway to wait for the bus. While Sam continued to mess with his phone, Jesse snuck glances at Shaun’s house and his stomach twisted into knots. Shaun was nowhere in sight.

The bus was three minutes late. It puttered down the road and stopped in front of the house. The brothers got on. Sam sat up front, but Jesse shuffled to the back and slumped in Shaun’s usual seat with a sinking heart. He had no idea what he was going to say to Shaun, but he was desperate to see him. The bus rumbled into action and started down the road as Jesse gazed sadly at Shaun’s house. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He needed to see him.

Shaun burst out of the house and the bus jerked to a stop. Jesse’s heart leapt into his throat with excitement as Shaun vaulted off the porch and flew down the driveway. He disappeared in front of the bus and Jesse waited for him to appear again with bated breath. He wouldn’t have put it past Shaun to skip class, but there he was, stepping through the doors with a scowl on his face. He stalked down the aisle, past Sam who had his head bent over his phone, totally oblivious. Jesse had only a few fleeting seconds to process the angry look on Shaun’s face before he stopped in front of him.

“What are you doing in my seat?”

Jesse swallowed down his nervousness. “We have to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk.” Shaun’s whole body was tense. His dark eyes smoldered and his clenched fists trembled with fury.

Jesse chewed his lip. “Shaun?”

“I don’t want to be anywhere near you.” Shaun’s hand shot out lightning fast and he seized Jesse’s wrist. His fingers dug into his arm.

“Ahh!”

Shaun got in his face. “Sit with your friends,” he snarled. “Go tell everyone what a fucking fag I am, I don’t care.”

Jesse let out a helpless gasp. “No, Shaun…I—”

“Shut up!” Shaun wrenched him out of the seat and shoved him into the aisle.

“Ow!” Jesse fell hard on his tailbone as tears collected in the corners of his eyes.

“What’s going on back there?!” the bus driver yelled from up front. The vehicle slowed as he looked over his shoulder. “Sit down!”

Shaun didn’t give the guy the time of day. His breathing was labored. His eyes bore straight into Jesse’s and they burned with an incredible rage.

Jesse blinked his tears away, but the mixture of pain and shock was potent. He ducked his head and hid his face as he picked himself up and snatched his bag from the floor. He staggered down the aisle and slumped into a seat near the front. The bus driver was yelling again, but Jesse’s ears were ringing. He didn’t hear a word of it.

Jesse pressed his cheek against the cool window as the bus began to move. An errant tear tracked down his cheek. He knew Shaun was embarrassed about the kiss, but Jesse hadn’t expected that level of anger.

Did Shaun really think he was going to tell anyone? Jesse had barely spoken to the other guys for days now. He’d completely ignored Emily last week. Kenny had sent him a few thinly veiled threats through text over the weekend, but Jesse had ignored them. He’d been too focused on Shaun to care.

Jesse wiped the tear away and chanced a look over his shoulder.

Shaun sat with his head down. He wasn’t looking at Jesse.

Sam snickered from two seats back. “Aww, did you have a fight with your boyfriend?” Jesse spun around and hunkered down.

Nobody bothered him for the rest of the ride. He pressed his face against the window and tried not to cry. He didn’t see who else got on or when. He expected Emily to bother him, maybe Kenny, but they didn’t.

When they got to the school, Shaun was the first person off the bus. Jesse gazed after him longingly, but he didn’t try to follow. He walked to his locker on his own, then headed to math.

Jesse realized immediately he was being shunned. When he asked Jorden a question about the homework, he turned away with a huff. Then, after first period, when Jesse passed Kenny and Eric in the hall. They looked right past him.

Shaun didn’t show up for chemistry, so Jesse sat in the back by himself, lonely and depressed. Shaun was absent from history, too, and lunch, and Jesse’s mood sharply declined. He sat at Shaun’s usual table and watched the popular kids from across the room. It stung to see them interact with their usual vibrancy because they obviously didn’t miss him.

Emily never looked at Jesse directly, but her eyes were teary. Jesse knew he was the cause, and he was overwhelmed with guilt. He never should have messed with her.

When Shaun didn’t show up for gym, Jesse concluded he’d skipped school after all. The coach had them play another round of touch football and his sportsmanship was utter shit. He stayed on the edges of the field, wishing he didn’t feel so alone.

When school ended, Jesse got on the bus and found a seat by himself. He mulled over his options. His efforts to get Shaun to talk that morning had imploded, but he wasn’t willing to give up. When the driver let him and his brother out in the driveway, Jesse waited for Sam to start for the house then he turned for Shaun’s.

He wanted to make things right. He wanted to get his friend back and he had to tell Shaun he loved him.

When he reached Shaun’s place, he hopped onto the porch and knocked before he could second guess himself. He waited a few beats as his heart pounded manically in his chest. Then he knocked again.

The door opened abruptly, and Shaun’s grandma stood on the threshold. Her eyes narrowed with suspicion.

“Hi.” Jesse forced a smile onto his face even as his heart fell. “Is Shaun home?”

Ruth folded her arms. “He’s laid up in bed. He can’t come to the door.”

Jesse blinked. “He was on the bus this morning, perfectly fine.” The horrible, infected wound on his stomach came to mind, but he shook his head. Shaun wouldn’t let something like that stop him. “Can I talk to him for a minute? It’s really important.”

There was a significant pause as Ruth looked Jesse up and down, assessing him with her hooded eyes. “Shaun doesn’t want to be bothered.”

“Please.” Jesse clasped his hands before him. “I need to talk to him.”

“No,” Ruth said sternly. “I’ll tell him you came by.”

“Alright.” Jesse dropped his hands. “Thanks.”

Ruth nodded curtly as she stepped back into the kitchen. She shut the door.

Tomorrow, Jesse promised himself as he stared at the closed door. He’d see Shaun tomorrow and this time he wouldn’t be intimidated, no matter what. He’d force the issue if he had to. He’d corner him and make him talk. It was the most concrete plan he could come up with, so he refocused his energy as he walked home, thinking of clever ways he could get Shaun to listen.

But much to his dismay, Shaun wasn’t on the bus the next day. He was another no-show and without him, Jesse was utterly alone. He was no longer a part of the in-crowd. The school had chosen sides and Emily was super popular during lunch.

Alone at Shaun’s table, for the second time, Jesse watched his classmates interact with bitterness. His body ached for Shaun. He craved him with his whole being. He didn’t want to be alone anymore, but there wasn’t anything he could do.

When the day ended, Jesse went to his locker to stash his books. He wanted to go to Shaun’s again, but he knew he’d have to face Ruth. She wasn’t a pleasant person and he wasn’t looking forward to it.

He scowled at his English book and chucked it into the recesses of his locker. He slammed it shut then jerked back in surprise. “Kyle.”

The blond leaned against the locker beside him, fashionably dressed, his hair impeccably styled, and a labeled Supreme bag over his shoulder. “Hey sweetie.”

“Uh…” Jesse wasn’t supposed to talk to Kyle, but he stopped that line of thought as soon as it popped into his head. He didn’t see the point in following Shaun’s rules when he felt so totally abandoned. “Hello.”

Kyle beamed. “I’ve been wanting to introduce myself again, but Shaun’s awfully possessive of you. I was afraid I’d piss him off,” he said with amusement, but they both knew it wasn’t a joke.

Shaun was jealous. Jesse was sure of it. He wanted to keep him away from Kyle because of it. It explained his hostility towards Emily, as well. “You can talk to me if you want,” Jesse said cautiously. “Shaun’s not here.”

The hallway around them bustled with activity. People slammed lockers and chatted with friends. The masses were on the move and a steady stream of students flowed down the hall and toward the main exit. Jesse hoped he didn’t miss the bus. He shouldered his bag as Kyle studied him with steel gray eyes.

“So, where’s Shaun?”

Jesse sighed. “He’s sick.”

“Is he now?” Kyle raised an eyebrow. “He seemed fine last night when he came by for weed. Maybe a little tired.”

Jesse couldn’t keep the longing out of his voice. “You saw him?” He glanced over his shoulder in frustration, wanting desperately to leave, and missed Kyle’s calculating look.

“I did.”

Jesse turned back to him. “Did he… Did he say anything about me?”

“Only that he hated you and he didn’t want to hear your name ever again.”

Jesse’s mouth fell open. “R-really?”

“I wouldn’t joke about something like that,” Kyle said with a laugh. “He wouldn’t elaborate, but he was definitely upset. More upset than I’ve seen him in a while.”

Jesse’s face drained of color.

“I promised not to ask.” Kyle lowered his voice seductively. “But you have to tell me what you did. How’d you piss Shaun off so spectacularly?”

“I…well…we…” Jesse’s eyes widened. What was he supposed to say here?! There was no way he could tell the truth. Shaun would murder him. “I don’t know,” he said quickly.

“Hmm, well, you know Shaun.” Kyle chuckled and Jesse avoided his gaze. “He’s always upset about something. He’ll probably get over it in a few days.”

“Yeah,” Jesse mumbled, but he wasn’t convinced. He didn’t think it would be as easy as waiting it out, but that’s what he wanted, of course. For Shaun to get over it and stop punishing him. A sharp, twisting sensation blossomed in Jesse’s gut. He missed Shaun.

”Jesse?”

He snapped back to the present. Kyle had been speaking for some time and Jesse gave him a sheepish look. “Sorry. What did you say?”

Kyle smirked at him. “I think you missed your bus.”

“Oh.” Jesse looked down the hall. Everyone was gone. He and Kyle were alone.

“Want a ride?” Kyle asked.

Jesse hadn’t thought that was an option. He accepted with a nod.

Kyle drove an old Cadillac. It sat by itself in the student parking lot and Jesse had to wait for him to open the passenger door from the inside. He slid gingerly into the front seat and watched Kyle from the corner of his eye as he started the engine and fiddled with the radio. Nothing Kyle had said was untoward, but he couldn’t help feeling uneasy.

Shaun had explicitly, more than once, told Jesse to stay away from Kyle and he stiffened in his seat as the other boy pulled out of the lot. Jesse didn’t know what he was bracing for, but he would keep vigilant.

“Shaun’s always been like this. He knows how to hold a grudge, that’s for sure.” Kyle smiled fondly. “When he’s mad, you’ll know it.” He cracked the window and let a stream of fresh air comb through his blond locks. “We were best friends, you know. Back in middle school.”

Jesse did a double take. “He never mentioned.”

“Oh, yes, we were inseparable in our younger years.”

Jesse blinked in surprise. From the things Shaun had said about Kyle, Jesse never would have guessed he and Kyle had been friends once-upon-a-time.

“Shaun didn’t tell you about me?” Kyle asked. “I figured he would have. Our relationship was pretty…heated.”

Jesse frowned. “He didn’t go into detail, but he did tell me to stay away from you.”

Kyle chuckled and Jesse thought the sound was irritating. He didn’t like the way it made him feel. “He’s jealous.” Kyle looked out the window with a smile. “He’s staked a claim on you and he doesn’t want anyone else vying for your attentions.”

Jesse’s cheeks turned bright red. He’d already figured that out for himself, but he flat out denied it. “That—that’s ridiculous!”

“Not really.” Kyle smirked at him. “I have Shaun all figured out.”

Jesse was silent.

“I’ve had my eye on him for a long time now,” Kyle drawled. “He knew I’d come after you. I do stuff like this from time to time, you see. He hates it, but he knows I have my ways.”

Jesse’s mouth filled with a sour, unpleasant taste. “What are you talking about?”

“Spying,” Kyle said with a snicker and Jesse cringed at the sound. “I keep tabs on Shaun. His little band and his grandparents included.” Kyle’s lips stretched widely over his perfect teeth. “Shaun’s my little-rocker-boy-toy.”

“You don’t spy on anybody,” Jesse scoffed. “You aren’t stealthy enough. And you don’t…you don’t really call him that, do you?” He screwed up his face. “Rocker-boy-toy?”

Kyle snorted. “Not to his face, anyway. But I can call him whatever I want up here.” He tapped his head.

Jesse had to know something. “Why does Shaun hate you so much? Is it because you’re gay? Or is it something else…”

Kyle’s hand flexed on the steering wheel. “I see Shaun’s told you my secret.”

“Your secret?”

“That I’m gay.”

“I didn’t know it was a secret.” Jesse blinked several times in rapid succession. “But you didn’t answer my question. Why does he hate you?”

“Shaun hates everyone,” Kyle grumbled as his brows knit together. “Everyone except you.”

“That’s not true!” Jesse cried. “He won’t even talk to me right now!”

“I’m sure that won’t last for long,” Kyle said easily.

“Maybe,” Jesse huffed. “But what happened between you and Shaun? It’s important that I know.”

“I don’t know why it’d be important.” Kyle glared out the windshield, but after a moment of thought, he relented. “As soon as Shaun knew I had feelings for him, he didn’t want anything to do with me. Simple as that.”

Jesse frowned because he didn’t believe him. Kyle had to have done something else besides “have feelings” for Shaun because that really made Jesse question the kiss they’d shared the other day.

“I’ve always knew Shaun could bat for my team,” Kyle said suddenly. “I’ve been waiting in the wings, waiting for the day he changed his mind, and then you show up out of the blue.” He shook his head. “I’m just wondering what you did. To convince him.”

“I befriended him,” Jesse snapped.

“Yeah. And now he’s in love with you.”

“He—he’s not in love with me,” Jesse muttered under his breath. His cheeks reddening for a second time.

“Oh my god, you love him, too, don’t you?!” Kyle cackled. “The fact that you both deny it makes it that much cuter!”

Jesse looked out the window with a scowl.

They pulled into Jesse’s driveway and he gathered his bag in his arms and got ready to spring from the car the moment it stopped.

“So, how did you piss Shaun off,” Kyle asked. “Did you try to fuck him?”

“What?!” Jesse stared at him in utter shock as the other boy parked the car and turned to face him head-on.

“Did Shaun freak out when you touched his cock?”

“No!” Jesse pulled back in disgust. “Nobody touched anyone’s cock!”

Kyle started to chuckle again, and Jesse jimmied the door open and hopped out. “I’m sorry,” Kyle said, though he continued to laugh. “I’m being an asshole. I’m just teasing you.”

Jesse sneered at him. “Thanks for the ride.” He started to shut the door when Kyle held up a hand.

“I’ve got product on me,” he said with a smile. “And I know you like my stuff.”

Jesse hesitated. He didn’t want to encourage Kyle and his rude behavior but weed really sounded nice right about now. “Yeah.” He sighed heavily. “But I’ve got to go upstairs. You should come in.”

As he led Kyle into the house, he regretted it immediately. Sam was on the couch with the TV muted. He looked shifty eyed over his shoulder at them and Jesse checked the curtain over the front window. It was ruffled. Sam must have been watching them in the driveway.

Kyle’s face lit up. “Who’s this little cutie?”

Sam bit his lip to hide a smile.

“Uh…” Jesse looked between the dealer and his little brother. “This is Sam. My brother.”

Sam stepped around the couch, eyeing Kyle with an appraising gaze. “Hey.” He held his hand out in greeting.

Kyle fluttered his eyelashes. ”What a polite young gentleman.” He took Sam’s hand and shook it daintily. “I’m Kyle, baby. The pleasure is mine.”

Sam glanced at Jesse with a quirked eyebrow.

“I’ll ah…” Jesse looked away, embarrassed. “Let me grab my money. I’ll be back in a sec.” He stumbled in his haste to get to the stairs.

Kyle didn’t act gay around their other classmates. He decided to do it now? Jesse got to his bedroom and shut the door quietly. He rubbed his face and pressed his fingers into his eyes.

He waited a few beats for his face to stop burning with heat, but as he stood in the quiet, he couldn’t help wondering what Kyle and Sam were talking about downstairs.

He leapt into action. He rummaged through his underwear drawer for his stash of cash folded the bills in half, and slipped out of the room.

“...looking for fun, then take another look,” Kyle said from downstairs. “Because it’s staring you right in the face.”

Sam laughed. “No, seriously. What’s there to do around here besides getting high.”

Jesse bristled, but he was frozen in place. He was curious what Kyle would say.

“Maybe one of my legendary parties.”

“Everybody in my class knows about you,” Sam said loftily. “But nobody mentioned any parties.”

Kyle clicked his tongue. “That’s because they’re a secret.”

Sam snorted with amusement. “Is it a one-man party or something?”

“Definitely not,” Kyle laughed. The sound sent shivers down Jesse’s spine. “It’s a party for my special friends.”

“That sounds really gay.”

“Massive water bongs and Jell-O shots are gay?”

“Oh. No. That sounds sweet.”

Jesse started for the stairs. He’d heard enough.

“But, like I said, it’s only for my special friends.”

“And how do you decide who’s special?”

Kyle and Sam sat together on the couch. Kyle had his leg crossed over his knee, like a girl, and Sam had his legs spread wide. Kyle’s leg touched Sam’s knee.

Kyle looked up as Jesse stepped into the room. “Find your money?” He uncrossed his leg and the point of contact between him and Sam was broken.

Jesse glared at him. “Yeah. Here.” He held out the bills and Kyle stood and took them between his first two fingers.

“Excellent.” He smiled widely. “I’ve got the perfect blend for you.” He pulled an unlabeled pill bottle from his bag and showed Jesse the buds inside. “High grade stuff.”

Sam watched with interest and Jesse could have kicked himself. He should have asked Kyle up to his room, but it was too late. He took the bottle and pocketed it. Not that it would do any good. Sam knew he had it.

“Well, I should probably get out of your hair,” Kyle said.

Jesse was so relieved, he clasped Kyle’s shoulder and led him straight to the door. “I’ll see you in school,” he said pleasantly. He didn’t share any classes with Kyle, so that wasn’t a guarantee and Jesse thanked his lucky stars for that.

“Tell me what you think,” Kyle gestured to Jesse’s pocket. “It’s a new blend my brother’s trying. I’m looking for opinions.”

Jesse nodded and waited impatiently for Kyle to scurry out the door. He shut it behind the dealer as soon as he could. Locking it for good measure.

When Jesse turned, he caught Sam at the window, looking after the older teen. “Stay away from him,” he snapped. “I don’t want you and Kyle getting friendly.”

Sam dropped the curtain. “I can be friends with whoever I want.”

“I’ll tell mom,” Jesse said.

“Fuck you, I’ll tell mom,” Sam said back. “All I have to do is tell her you just spent all your money on drugs, and you’ll be completely done. You’re so useless lately. You’re either moping in your room or running off with that creep friend of yours. She’s sick of your shit.”

Jesse ground his teeth to dust. He was tempted to put Sam in his place, but the teen had struck a chord. He knew Monica was sick of him. He and his mother weren’t on bad terms or anything, but she expected him to do certain things and lately, he’d been cutting corners. As long as he continued to be her little house slave, she’d turn a blind eye. But Jesse’s interest was in Shaun, not in babysitting. He was struggling to toe the line.

Sam smirked. “That’s what I thought,” he said snottily. With a bounce in his step, he turned away and left the room.

Jesse let it go without a fight. He sighed and slumped onto the couch. The bottle of weed jabbed him in the butt and suddenly, he was desperate to get high.

It was super unhealthy, but he resorted to a homemade bowl made of aluminum foil. He wrapped a strip around a pen and widened the bowl with his fingers. When his makeshift pipe was complete he went out to the back patio, packed it with weed, and lit up using Monica’s Handi-Grill lighter.

Shaun didn’t show up the next day at school and Jesse wasn’t terribly surprised. He was disappointed, but he was getting used to it.

During lunch, as Jesse sat at his empty table picking at his bland turkey and mashed potatoes, Kyle slid into the seat beside him. Shaun’s seat.

“No sign of Shaun?”

“No.” Jesse glared at his food. “He’s avoiding me. He probably won’t be back until next year.”

“What did you do?” Kyle asked with a knowing smile.

Jesse bit his lip. He was so tempted to tell Kyle what had really happened. Kyle was the only gay guy around and he knew, at least in a sense, what was going on between them.

“You look just awful, honey,” Kyle said sweetly, putting a little pout on his face to match Jesse’s. “Why don’t we slip outside for a talk?”

Jesse pushed his tray away with a deep breath and got up to follow Kyle to the exit.

As they approached the doors, the lunchroom monitor, an old, haggard woman with a permanent scowl on her face, stepped in front of their path to freedom.

“Afternoon, Margie,” Kyle said pleasantly. “Jesse’s my partner in French class. Mr. Flaherty said it was okay if we worked on our project in study hall.”

Margie hesitated, but then her scowl cracked. She smiled fondly at Kyle like he was a dear grandson. “Alright. But straight to study hall.”

“Thanks Margie. You’re the best,” Kyle crooned. He latched onto Jesse’s forearm and yanked him into the hall.

Jesse let himself be dragged down the south hallway and out of the sights of the cafeteria monitor, but as soon as they rounded a corner, he took his arm back. “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere private.”

They passed the gym on the left. Kyle slowed as they approached the double metal doors that led to the football field.

“Those are locked,” Jesse reminded him. The chain on the door was a dead giveaway.

Kyle smiled and plucked the lock off the chain.

Jesse raised an eyebrow.

“There’s a gym class before fifth period lunch and one right after. The coach usually forgets to lock the doors,” Kyle explained. “C’mon.”

They headed outside and Kyle led them to the bleachers on the sidelines of the football field. “Nobody will bother us up here.” He jumped up on the first row of bleachers and started toward the top. Jesse sighed, shouldered his bag, and climbed after him.

Kyle sat at the top and used the railing as a backrest. He stretched out and kicked up his feet. Jesse sat a step below him. He set his bag down and looked out into the field. The lawn had been tended recently. He caught the scent of fresh cut grass on an errant breeze.

Kyle pulled a hip flask from his Supreme bag. He took a swig as Jesse watched with wide eyes. “Want some?” he asked, holding it out. “To cheer you up, maybe.”

Jesse took it reluctantly. “You’re full of surprises.” He braced himself as he took a generous sip, then cringed. It was vodka. Straight.

“Indeed, I am,” Kyle said in amusement. He waved the flask away when Jesse tried to hand it back. Jesse cradled it in his lap, unsure what else to do. “Why don’t you come to my house tonight? I’m having a little party,” Kyle said with a grin. “Maybe we can put a smile on that miserable face.”

Jesse screwed and unscrewed the cap on the flask. He considered the offer, but a party with Kyle and a bunch of strangers wasn’t all that tempting. “I can’t,” he said. “I have to babysit.”

Kyle refused to be discouraged. “Bring your brother along. He’d have fun too.”

“Well, besides Sam, I have four other siblings to look after,” Jesse said.

“Really?” Kyle laughed. “I guess you’ll have your hands full.”

“Yeah. Shaun was coming over almost every day to help out,” Jesse said. “I miss him.”

Kyle looked skeptical. “Aren’t you afraid?”

“Of what?”

“Well, Shaun’s a violent person… I mean, do you trust him around little kids?”

“Of course, I do!” Jesse glared at him. “Shaun would never hurt them! He’s not very patient, but he tries…” he trailed off, remembering how sweet Shaun had been with Brian the other day playing a silly, farfetched pretend game. He smiled wistfully at the memory.

“I see how it is,” Kyle said slowly, and Jesse drifted back to the conversation. To the sharp taste of vodka and Kyle’s smug voice. “I was kind of joking yesterday, but you really are in love with him. Aren’t you?”

Jesse turned away as his cheeks got hot. He unscrewed the lid on the flask and took another drink as he stared out at the empty football field.

“You did the same thing I did.” Kyle smirked. “You admitted you had feelings and Shaun rejected you.”

“No,” Jesse said with a sigh. “I wasn’t even sure I had any until a few days ago.”

“But you do love him, right?” Kyle was obsessed with that word.

“I have feelings for him,” Jesse said slowly. Which was basically the same thing. “I like being around him. He’s grumpy and unpleasant, but he’s a good guy.”

Kyle chuckled. “How sweet.”

Jesse glared at him. “What about you? Why are you so interested in what’s going on with Shaun when you aren’t even friends? You love him, too, right?”

Kyle wrinkled his nose. “I wouldn’t call what I feel for our dearest friend love.”

Jesse frowned. “Then what would you call it?”

Kyle smiled off into the distance.

“Secret feelings?” Jesse grumbled under his breath.

“Maybe once you decide to open up, I’ll be a little more forthcoming. You haven’t told me anything good yet.”

“Shaun would lose his mind if he knew we were talking about him right now,” Jesse whispered.

“Shaun hasn’t been to class since Friday,” Kyle scoffed. “Of course we’re talking about him.”

Jesse stood up and took his last drink of vodka then handed it over. It warmed his belly from the inside, but the taste was horrible. “I’m about to miss gym,” he muttered. “I’d better go in.”

“We could skip class for the rest of the day,” Kyle suggested as he put his flask away. “We could get high at my house. I won’t even charge you.”

While the offer was tempting, Jesse had bud at home. He didn’t need to spend any extra time with Kyle. He shook his head.

“Well, see you around then.” Kyle waggled his fingers. “Bye sweetie.”

Jesse descended the bleachers and headed back inside. He shuffled through the rest of the day in a daze. The alcohol had been a bad choice.

Jesse went to Shaun’s house after school. He spent twenty minutes on the front porch, knocking intermittently and waiting for someone to answer. Eli’s Ford was missing, and Jesse finally gave up. He turned for home and walked through the tall grass, dragging his feet all the way.

The next day, Kyle showed up at Jesse’s locker before first period. He was in a good mood and chatted about classes he and Jesse didn’t share. Jesse smiled and pretended he was listening, but he wasn’t interested. He tuned Kyle out. Shaun hadn’t been on the bus again and he felt like crying he was so frustrated.

He and Kyle walked to class together, splitting up when it was necessary to get to their separate rooms. It was nice having someone to talk to at least. The others were still giving him the cold shoulder, but it wasn’t the same. He missed Shaun.

During lunch, Kyle stopped at Jesse’s table and offered another drink on the bleachers. Jesse was in a bad mood still, but he wanted to get out of the cafeteria. He was sick of watching the popular table, their smiling faces, their vibrancy… He gathered his things and followed Kyle out of the room.

They slipped outside. It was easy. No one stopped them. They climbed to the top of the bleachers and settled in with Kyle’s flask like a couple of burnouts. Kyle began to talk and for once, he didn’t mention Shaun. Jesse relaxed as Kyle made small talk. He got a buzz and managed to find a tiny bit of enjoyment from the conversation.

This time when Kyle asked him to skip class, he agreed.

They drove out to Kyle’s place in the Cadillac. Jesse recognized the house from a drug run with Shaun. They were in the boonies. Tall trees and wild grass grew in every direction. Kyle parked in the gravel drive and hopped out of the car with a big grin on his face. Jesse followed him curiously, looking around at the vast nothingness stretching in all directions. There wasn’t a neighbor for miles. They were totally alone.

Kyle whistled as he sorted through a series of keys. When they reached the door Jesse saw there were numerous locks and Kyle fiddled with them for a good minute.

They spilled into the kitchen and a pungent scent of cigarette smoke hit Jesse in the face. He wrinkled his nose with distaste.

Kyle gave him a sympathetic look. “Sorry,” he said. “The place is kind of a mess. Careful where you step.”

He wasn’t kidding. The inside was like a garbage heap. The kitchen sink overflowed with dirty dishes, the counters were covered in stains, the linoleum was cracked and peeling, and empty beer cans littered the floor. The living room wasn’t any better. The TV was on, though there wasn’t anybody watching. More empty beer cans and ashtrays overloaded with cigarette butts were strewn amongst the dilapidated, threadbare furniture.

Kyle stepped casually through the filth and led Jesse down the hallway. “My room’s back here,” he called over his shoulder and Jesse followed him at a distance, overwhelmed by the smell.

Kyle’s room was small and dominated by a huge unmade bed opposite the door. There wasn’t an accumulation of filth and trash in this room like the others, though. Kyle collected clothes. A closet in the back corner of the room was bursting with them and a large dresser across from the bed took up a considerable amount of the remaining space. There was a TV on the dresser and Kyle turned it on as he kicked his shoes off.

“Oprah’s on!”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “My favorite.”

“Have a seat, funny boy.” Kyle smirked. “I’ll get us some smoke.”

It didn’t smell as badly in here and Jesse sat cautiously on the edge of the bed as Kyle left the room. Dark purple sheets covered the mattress, and a white and purple coverlet was bunched up on top. Jesse pushed the blanket aside and froze when he uncovered a blue spandex thong.

“Ready to get fucked up?” Kyle came into the room with a huge glass bong.

Jesse’s eyes widened. “Wow.”

Kyle lugged the weed and the bong to the bed and got set up to smoke. The thong laid on the bed between them.

“Ugh! This thing is so damned dirty,” Kyle cursed as he packed the bowl. “My daddy’s obsessed with keeping the resin, but he never cleans it out.”

“Hmm.”

“Here, you first.” Kyle finally noticed the thong when he rested the bong on the mattress. He hooked it with a single finger and laughed. “Sorry about that.” He tossed it under the bed. “Crazy party last night.”

Jesse didn’t ask for details. He had a feeling he didn’t want to know.

Kyle was better to be around when he was high. For the first time in their short acquaintance, Jesse didn’t feel uncomfortable in his presence. Kyle didn’t ask him any awkward questions or give him knowing looks. He talked about the kids from school, about parties, and going to Mexico with his brother. He occasionally made snarky comments on the mini Oprah marathon playing on TV and Jesse relaxed. He sprawled back on the bed and had a good time smoking and laughing. As the hour got later, he started thinking about going home to wait for the twins with Sam, but it wasn’t pressing. He still had time.

They were watching Steve Wilkos now. Another favorite of Kyle’s.

Jesse mulled over his options to get home as a new couple came on stage. A woman complained her husband was cheating on her with… get this…with her brother. The audience roared with laughter as the camera zoomed in on Steve’s surprised face. “Let’s bring him out now,” he called, and music began to play as the brother came on in a stylish outfit with leather boots. His white shirt was partially open, and his muscled chest was exposed. There were catcalls and approving cheers from the crowd. He was much better looking than his sister.

Kyle chuckled low in his throat. “No wonder her hubby switched teams.”

Jesse watched the brother with an appraising gaze as he went to sit beside his boyfriend. The men began to talk. They got to tell their side of the story and the audience was very receptive. People smiled. There was lots of clapping. Steve Wilkos gave both men a hug… Jesse felt for their plight, but when the two men had their moment to kiss…

“Wow,” Kyle laughed. “The shit they do for ratings.”

Jesse’s lips tingled as the men tongue fucked each other on TV. He looked away, totally overwhelmed by the display as Kyle started talking again. Jesse sat up and brushed his messy hair out of his face.

“…so white trash. We should be on the show, too,” Kyle jeered and Jesse blinked at him in confusion. “Me, you, and Shaun would fit in right after this train wreck. What do you think?” Kyle glanced at him, his eyes bloodshot, and his hair sticking up in the back. He raised an eyebrow in question and Jesse lowered his gaze as his cheeks got hot. “Are you okay, honey?”

Jesse nervously chewed his lip. “Shaun kissed me the other day,” he whispered.

“What?”

Jesse dropped his face in his hands and groaned with embarrassment.

“When did he kiss you?”

“Sunday,” Jesse whined as the audience cheered exuberantly on TV. They were mocking him!

“So…” Kyle drawled. “Did you…push him away? Did you reject him?”

“No!” Jesse sat up with a huff and glared at the blond. “I didn’t react at all!”

Kyle’s lips stretched obscenely over his perfect white teeth. “You’d better tell me what happened. So I can be sure.”

“W-we’d just gotten home from band practice and we were both really tired,” Jesse said angrily. “Shaun wanted to take a nap, so we went to his room. I was helping him undress when I—” He bit his tongue, hard, before he revealed Shaun’s cutting habit. He tasted blood, but it didn’t stop him from chewing the clumsy thing. “We started f-fighting.”

“Helping him undress?” Kyle chuckled. “In the bedroom?”

“He doesn’t take care of himself!” Jesse cried as Kyle snorted with amusement. “I was making sure he got changed before he took a nap and I-I was crying! Because we were arguing!”

“Then what?” Kyle chortled. “Did you fall into his arms?”

“T-t-then he picked me up and he…he…kissed me.” Kyle stopped laughing and Jesse, his face beet red, continued before he could interrupt. “I think he was trying to devour me.” His heart pounded wildly in his chest as he recounted the memory. “He kissed me until I was breathless. He used a lot of tongue. His hands were all over me and his dick was hard, but then he shoved me away and screamed at me to get out.”

“That’s it?” Kyle pouted with disappointment.

Jesse scowled at him. “When I saw him on the bus Monday morning, I was hoping he’d talk to me, but he shouted in my face. That’s the last time I saw him.”

“I seriously can’t imagine him initiating a kiss like that.” Kyle gave Jesse a curious look. “I wonder what you were arguing about.”

“I can’t tell you,” Jesse said uncomfortably. “But that’s how it happened. We were fighting about something else.”

“Romantic.” Kyle smiled faintly, but his steel gray eyes were tight. It wasn’t genuine. “You guys are going to be an adorable couple.”

Jesse peered at him suspiciously. “You’re jealous.”

Kyle looked away with a shrug. “If you say so. But my feelings are more complicated than that.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“And my feelings are irrelevant anyway, since Shaun hates my guts,” Kyle said with a laugh and Jesse couldn’t disagree with him. “And I have good feelings about you two anyway,” Kyle continued, patting Jesse on the shoulder with assurance. “When you boys make up, I’ll bet you’ll be inseparable. Like a fairytale.”

Jesse wanted to take comfort in Kyle’s words, but he felt restless. He shrugged Kyle’s hand off his shoulder and looked sightlessly at the TV.

“Shaun likes you way better than he ever liked me,” Kyle said under his breath and Jesse peeked at him from the corner of his eye. “You should be glad about that,” Kyle muttered as the colors from the TV played along his emotionless face.

Jesse shifted his gaze back to the Steve Wilkos show but he was uncomfortable. As soon as the episode ended, he mentioned he needed to get home and Kyle graciously offered him a ride. Jesse gathered his stuff and straightened up in the mirror hanging off the back of Kyle’s door. He’d had a bit of fun in Kyle’s bedroom, but it was definitely time to go.

Jesse got home in fifteen minutes and Kyle didn’t linger. They exchanged pleasant goodbyes in the driveway and then Kyle backed out to the street. Jesse watched the Cadillac disappear down the road then he went into the house.

Inside, Sam, Tyler, and Allison were on the couch. They looked up when Jesse slipped over the threshold, but nobody greeted him or asked where he’d been.

Jesse sighed as he walked past. Sam gave him the finger, but Jesse didn’t chastise him. He probably deserved it. He went upstairs and threw himself face first on the bed and laid there, thinking miserably about Shaun, until Brian came upstairs asking for dinner.

Friday dawned brilliantly, and for Jesse, without hope. As he got ready for the day, he felt more alone than ever. When he got on the bus that morning with Sam and took a seat up front, he anticipated on sitting by himself for the entire ride, which made his mood plummet even further. He kept his head down as the bus took off again. It didn’t pause in front of Shaun’s house and he watched the brown rambler pass on the left with sad eyes.

Goosebumps popped up along Jesse’s arms as loneliness and rejection blanketed his body. He hugged his backpack to his chest and fought down useless tears as the bus rumbled along on its usual route.

When it was time, Jesse got off the bus and walked to his locker. When he arrived he gathered his things and sorted through his homework for the day like a robot going through the motions. He did it out of habit and duty, there was no happiness in anything he did.

“Good morning!”

Jesse jerked back in surprise and looked up from his textbooks.

Kyle stood next to his locker, fashionable and good-looking as always. He smiled hugely as Jesse’s grim expression darkened. “I guess Shaun wasn’t on the bus?”

Jesse shook his head and tossed the last book into his bag.

Kyle leaned in; his eyes bright with excitement. “I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said last night,” he said in a hushed voice. “You have to tell me more. About Shaun. ASAP.”

Jesse zipped his bag closed. “I’m not in the mood, Kyle.”

“Don’t be that way,” Kyle said with a pout, but Jesse slammed his locker shut and shouldered his bag. He started down the hall without another word and Kyle had to jog to catch up.

“You said Shaun devoured you,” Kyle said with a laugh. “What does that mean exactly?”

“Shh!” Jesse hissed. “That’s a huge secret! You have to know that, right?”

“Of course.” Kyle waved a hand. “That’s why you need to come over after school so we can talk about it.”

Jesse huffed and powered down the hall. They were almost to his math class.

“Shaun’s got the most sensual lips,” Kyle gushed. “Once he gets some practice under his belt I’ll bet he’ll be a pro.”

“Kyle…” Jesse sighed as they pulled up outside his first class of the day. “I’ve got to go. We’ll talk later.”

Kyle peeked dubiously into the room and unfortunately, it was mostly empty. The teacher hadn’t arrived yet and most of the students were still in the halls, gathering books at their lockers, talking with friends, and holding hands with lovers.

Jesse sheepishly rubbed his neck. “I’ve got to go over my homework before class.”

Kyle raised his eyebrows. “You’re sitting up in the bleachers with me during lunch. And we aren’t coming down until you’ve helped me finish my flask.”

Jesse smiled tightly. “Sounds fun.”

“It does.” Kyle slung his Supreme bag over his shoulder. “See you later, baby.” Then he made his exit.

Jesse swept into the classroom the moment he was alone and found his seat. He was eager to get the day over, but he couldn’t find the motivation to pay attention. Lecture when in one ear and out the other. He took half-assed notes and then struggled through the exercises the teacher passed out halfway through class. Near the end of the lesson, he gave up completely and began to doodle on the cover of his notebook. He drew a set of dark moody eyes, Shaun’s eyes, and he was bored, so he put a lot of detail into the drawing. He added highlights. He did a lot of shading. He got caught up working on the irises and found himself gazing deeply into Shaun’s eyes when the bell rang. He dropped his pencil in total shock and scrambled to pack up, but no one was looking at him.

He stood up and shoved his things into his bag as he watched Jorden and Peter do the same up in the row across from him. Jesse’s heart ached as he listened to them talk in low voices and laugh about their plans for the weekend. He was sick of the cold-shoulder. He wished everyone would forget about the bullshit with Emily because he was bored to death having no one to talk to. He missed having friends.

Jesse shuffled out of the room and down the hall to his next class. He grumbled unhappily under his breath as he passed a couple of his ex-friends on his walk. Today was supposed to be an easy day in chemistry at least. There’d been a lab on Wednesday, and he’d had to work by himself. Mr. Barnes had hovered over his table the whole class, waiting for him to sabotage the simple mixture of chemicals, but Jesse hadn’t been in the mood for a prank.

He walked into class with his head down and shuffled to the table in the back of the room. He dropped his bag on the edge and froze when he spotted a notebook lying open on the opposite end. He looked up and met Shaun’s wary gaze. “Shaun…” he said in a little voice. “Y-you weren’t on the bus.”

Shaun’s jaw worked as he looked away. “I was running late this morning,” he grumbled. “Grandpa gave me a ride.”

Jesse’s knees went weak and he gripped the edge of the table as he sank gingerly into his seat. “T-that was nice of him.”

Shaun jiggled his right knee under the table. The faded jeans rode low on his narrow hips. Up top, he wore a blue flannel, open, with a white cotton shirt underneath that he’d tucked in. He looked nice today.

Jesse chewed his lip. “You missed a lot of class.”

Shaun flicked his dark hair out of his eyes and sneered. “So what?” His hair was getting long. It was almost at his shoulders now and with the length, the locks hung nicely around his face.

“Well…” Jesse drew his bag close with a smile. “I took extra notes this week so I could help you.” He took out his chemistry notes. “I can show you now, but we can get caught up over the weekend, too.”

“Hard pass.” Shaun rolled his eyes.

Jesse clutched his notebook to his chest as he studied Shaun’s beautiful angry face. It was like months had passed since he’d last laid eyes on him. Shaun’s jaw was rough with stubble – he must have forgotten to shave for a couple days – and his scowling lips were thick and sensual. His dark, complicated eyes swirled with depth and emotion…

“Stop staring at me,” Shaun said out of the corner of his mouth. “Keep your eyes on your side of the room!”

Jesse jumped and took his textbook out of his bag. He grabbed a pencil as an afterthought and tapped the tip against the edge of his book. “Shaun…I need to talk to you.”

Shaun’s hands balled into fists. “I don’t need to do anything for you.”

“Please,” Jesse whispered. “You can’t avoid me forever.”

“Watch me.” Shaun’s jaw ticked with anger. “I don’t need your help anyway.” He turned away and flipped aggressively through his untidy notes. “Grandma picked up my makeup work on Monday. I don’t need your notes.”

Jesse wasn’t giving up, but he had no clever response. He watched unhappily as Shaun struggled to find whatever he was looking for. His shoulders hunched inward and the look on his face became murderous as he searched through his chicken-scratch for something of worth. A deep furrow appeared on his brow and Jesse decided silence was the best option after all.

Mr. Barnes walked in the room and jumped into the chapter review he’d assigned for homework. Jesse opened his book to the correct section and looked dumbly at the page. He hadn’t read the chapter last night and he hazarded a guess that Shaun hadn’t either. He risked another glance in Shaun’s direction and saw he sat with his head down and his hands balled into fists on either side of his notebook. He glared at nothing, but anger rolled off his form in Tsunami-sized waves.

Jesse watched him sadly as class continued around them. This wasn’t going to be the end of their friendship. He wouldn’t let it be the end. He reached across the table and snatched Shaun’s notebook right out from under him.

Shaun looked up in surprise, but his expression darkened as Jesse jotted a single line at the top of the page then slid it across the table. Shaun crossed his arms and pulled away from the offensive note. He wasn’t going to read it…

Jesse huffed and pushed the notebook closer with the tip of his pencil. “Shaun…please.”

Shaun’s dark eyes burned with tightly constrained rage, but Jesse met them determinedly, urging him to read the note with his warm eyes, soft and gentle like a calm, blue sea.

Shaun growled under his breath and looked down pointedly at Jesse’s words.

Why won’t you talk to me?

Shaun rolled his eyes, but dutifully looked into his bag for a pen. Because I have nothing to say!

Jesse laid his arm over Shaun’s to write: Well, I have a lot to say.

Shaun shoved Jesse’s arm away as soon as he was done. With a growl of annoyance, he wrote a reply, drawing three dark lines under the words. I don’t care.

Jesse got the quickest glance at the note before Shaun snatched the notebook out from under his nose and shoved it into his bag.

Jesse huffed and reached for his notebook next. He wasn’t going to be silenced. He wrote hurriedly on the first blank page he found then dropped it in front of Shaun. I’m not mad about the kiss.

Shaun grabbed his pen and aggressively blotted out Jesse’s words as his lips became a thin, white line.

Jesse shook his head as Shaun started another line of text, growling like a bear as he wrote. People peeked at them curiously from the front of the room because nothing they were doing was quiet or secretive, but Jesse didn’t care. Nobody had talked to him in a week. Their opinions didn’t matter right now.

Shaun pushed the notebook back to Jesse’s side of the table. The top section was scribbled out, but there was a line in wet ink underneath the mess. Fuck you! Don’t ever talk about that again!

Jesse hurried to jot a reply, but Shaun immediately reached for it. Jesse yanked it right out of his fingertips with a gasp and pulled it snugly to his chest. He glared at Shaun over the pages. “It’s my notebook,” he hissed.

Shaun ground his teeth together as he accepted defeat and straightened up to face the front of the room again. He gripped the edge of the table, his shoulders shaking with anger. “Stop writing me notes.”

But Jesse totally ignored him. He turned away and wrote another two lines under Shaun’s scribbles. Then he sat up and gently placed his notebook inches from Shaun’s right hand, urging him to read it with his entire body and, almost against his will, Shaun’s dark eyes slid down to Jesse’s note.

Stop pushing me away, asshole! I liked kissing you and I want you to do it again.

Slowly, Shaun’s lips curled up at the corners. He balanced his pen between his first two fingers as he grasped the page and ran his fingertips along the edge.

Jesse smiled fondly, imagining he was thinking out a reply.

Riiiiip!

His smile fell away as Shaun tore the page out of his notebook.

“Shaun? What are you doing?” Mr. Barnes called from the front of the classroom, but Shaun shred the note into tiny, itty bitty pieces without a response. Students around the room began to crane their necks to watch the show and a couple nervous titters came from the front corner. “Do you really have to do that?” Mr. Barnes asked boredly.

“Yes,” Shaun said simply, and everybody burst into laughter.

“Shaun…” Mr. Barnes crossed his arms. He didn’t look bored anymore.

Shaun grabbed his bag and swept the tiny bits of paper into the front pocket. “Hold on a second.”

“What are you doing!?” Mr. Barnes cried. “Is that really necessary?”

“Just getting rid of some trash,” Shaun said as he brushed the last few bits off the table. Then he zipped his bag, dropped it on the floor, and folded his hands on the table with finality. “I’m done now. You can continue,” he said calmly as another round of laughter bounced around the room.

Mr. Barnes glared death at him. “See me after class, Shaun.”

“I have to anyway,” Shaun grumbled. “I’ve got makeup homework to turn in.”

Barnes spun back to the board as the laughing continued. “Sarah?” he barked over his shoulder and it died down a bit in surprise, but the amusement didn’t stop completely. Mr. Barnes couldn’t stop the smiles. “Can you read page 354? From the top.”

Jesse glared hatefully at Shaun as Sarah began to read from the book. One of the two guys in the front corner of the room made a loud snoring sound and a couple people laughed at the suddenness of it.

“Louder, Sarah!” Mr. Barnes snapped from the front. “I can barely hear you over your classmates continued hilarity!” He threw himself into his desk chair and crossed his leg over his knee as Sarah started again, her voice shaky. “I’ll be handing out detentions to the next person that chooses to interrupt,” he sang, and Sarah struggled through the boring section as he kept a sharp eye on the students.

Shaun was totally unaffected of course. He gazed dispassionately at the board as class resumed. His hands clenched and unclenched into fists as Jesse watched with a growing frustration. When he noticed his notebook lying forgotten at Shaun’s elbow, he snatched it back with a huff.

Shaun balled his hands into white-knuckled fists. “Don’t.”

“I’m not writing a note,” Jesse whispered. “I have to say this out loud. I don’t care if I get a detention.”

Shaun’s face started to get red. He worked his jaw but had no verbal reply.

“It doesn’t matter if you tear up a piece of paper. We both know what happened, Shaun,” Jesse hissed. “And you can’t take that memory away from me. I’m not going to forget.”

“Faggot,” Shaun hissed back, but he sounded choked.

“You’re the only guy I like,” Jesse muttered. “So man up and get over it.”

Shaun drew himself up, but Jesse was done for now. He found a clean page in his notebook and forced himself to copy the information on the board. He had to at least try on the next test. His grades were looking really crappy as of late.

For the rest of the class, Jesse and Shaun sat in bitter silence. Jesse wished Shaun was capable of a normal conversation. He didn’t even know what they were arguing about anymore! When class ended, Jesse packed up and slung his bookbag over his shoulder. Shaun put his things in his bag but remained seated.

“Come on.” Jesse hovered over him impatiently. “Let’s go.”

“I have to talk to Mr. Barnes,” Shaun said tightly, looking over Jesse’s shoulder at the front of the room. “Remember?”

“Oh yeah.” Jesse chewed his bottom lip. “Will you be at lunch?”

Shaun continued to look straight ahead as he spoke. “No.”

“Shaun!” Jesse whined.

Shaun warily rubbed his face. “Nothing personal. I have a math test to make up.”

Jesse remembered the math test on Tuesday. Maybe he wasn’t making it up. “When can I see you then?”

“I don’t know Jesse!” Shaun got up in a huff and grabbed his bag. “I’ll see you around.” He shoved past Jesse and marched to the front of the room where Mr. Barnes’ waited behind his desk.

Barnes gave him a loaded look and Jesse glanced around in confusion, but everyone had already left. They were alone. “Uh, sorry,” he muttered as he hurried out of the room. He slid into the busy hall with a deep sigh, frustrated and relieved at the same time.

Jesse got to history seconds before the bell and he scurried to his seat behind Emily and sat quiet like a mouse. He stared at the door as class began and waited with bated breath for Shaun to appear as the minutes slowly ticked by. When Shaun breezed into the classroom with a late pass and a pinched look on his face Jesse’s heart did a backflip. Shaun stalked across the room and slumped into his seat in the front with a look of extreme annoyance. Jesse wondered what Mr. Barnes had said to him.

He planned on approaching Shaun when class ended, but when the bell rang Shaun lurched out of his seat and bolted for the door before it’d even stopped. Jesse gathered his books and watched him fly out the door in resignation. He waited until the classroom was nearly empty then he got up and dragged himself out of the room.

When Jesse got to English, Miss Stevens was collecting the term assignment, a poem, and Jesse felt like he was going to puke. He’d completely forgotten.

He went to his seat in shame and waited patiently for his teacher to arrive.

Miss Stevens left Jesse for last. She approached with a smile, took one look at the complete desolation on his face, then spoke before he could make an excuse. “If you turn it in by the end of the day, I’ll consider it still on time.”

Jesse smiled sheepishly. “I guess I’ll have to skip lunch.”

“I wouldn’t want you to do that.” Miss Stevens smiled serenely. “I’ll also take it for half credit on Monday.”

Jesse cringed. “Thanks.”

As Miss Stevens stepped away, Jesse caught Emily staring at him with narrowed eyes. She looked away the moment she was caught, affording Jesse the opportunity to watch her unreservedly as class began and Miss Stevens started a dramatic reading. Jesse looked away when he found nothing of interest in his ‘ex-girlfriend’ or whatever she was. He was just so damned bitter about the entire situation.

When class ended, he skipped lunch and went straight to the library. Feverishly, he typed what he could remember of a poem he and a girlfriend had composed for a similar project last year. He couldn’t recall the main part, and he needed 300 words total so he was forced to change it around so it fit his current crappy love life. He invented the rest on the spot. It wasn’t the best, but he was glad he didn’t have to start from scratch.

He was wasting precious minutes daydreaming about Shaun when Kyle poked his head into the library. The room was tiny and he spotted Jesse immediately.

“There you are,” he sang as he bounced to Jesse’s chair. “Did you see Shaun yet? He’s back!”

“Yeah,” Jesse sighed. “We sort of talked.”

“Sounds promising,” Kyle said as he looked over Jesse’s shoulder and peeked at the poem.

“Super promising.” Jesse scowled. “He tenses up every time I open my mouth.”

“What are you going to do?”

“We have gym next period,” Jesse muttered as he scrolled to the top of the page and ran another word count. He was so close to being done… “He wasn’t very receptive in chemistry, but maybe he’ll talk to me now.”

Kyle gestured to the computer. “You’re not writing him a love letter, are you?”

“That’s my poem for English,” Jesse said with a laugh. “Only slightly inspired by current events…Cheesy, right?”

“It’s like a soap opera.” Kyle drew away with a look of disgust. “I’ll let you finish then.”

Kyle left and Jesse finished his poem in the next fifteen minutes. The bell rang as he was printing it out and he stashed it in his bag for later then ran to gym at top speed. He burst into the locker room in a frenzy and stretched up on his tip-toes to see over the heads of his half-dressed classmates as he searched for Shaun’s scowling face. He caught Kenny’s gaze by mistake, then looked into Eric’s face in his panic to avoid Kenny. He realized quickly that Shaun was another no-show and he dropped his head and darted to the corner of the room as Kenny and Eric elbowed each other and made jokes at his expense.

Jesse tossed his bag into a locker at the back of the room. He took a deep breath, and tried not to listen to Kenny and Eric. They didn’t matter to him anymore what anyone thought of him and he changed quickly into his gym pants and a shirt.

The whole class gathered in the gym then followed Coach Vance outside to the baseball field for a game. He split everyone into two teams that seemed massively biased in Jesse’s opinion as Kenny and Eric were together, along with a small, but hand-picked selection of jocks. Jesse was on a team with the girls and they were up to bat first. Eric took the pitching mound while Kenny and some of the other guys took their places in the field. Jesse sat gloomily in the dugout as a girl on his team went up to bat. She didn’t have too much trouble and the rest of the team cheered her on enthusiastically. Another girl went after her, then a boy. Jesse was starting to fall asleep on the warm, shaded bench when there was a collective groan from the gym class. He looked up as a chubby girl, Beth, climbed up to bat and Coach Vance got closer to instruct her.

Eric tossed the ball carelessly in the air as he waited for Beth and the coach to finish their conversation. When the coach stepped back, Eric met Beth’s eyes with a mean smirk and Jesse recognized the look, unfortunately. He watched with bated breath as Eric straightened and tossed the ball at the speed of light.

Beth swung wildly. “Haa!” She missed by a mile and the bat flew out of her hands. “Crud!”

“Damnit Eric!” Coach Vance yelled. “Do it slower this time!” He ran forward and plucked the ball off the ground. He tossed it over Beth’s head so it fell smoothly into Eric’s gloved hand.

Eric made a face as he palmed the ball, but he dutifully lined up for another pitch.

The coach retrieved the bat and held it out to Beth with a firm nod. She took it with a sigh and got back on first base.

“You got this, Beth!” one of the girls cheered from behind the fence. Two more started clapping from further down the dugout.

Eric’s lip curled with derision as he met Beth’s nervous gaze. She licked her lips and spread her feet as she waited for the ball. Her friends cheered encouragingly as Eric drew his arm back, but they quickly turned into shouts of horror as he tossed it straight at her head.

Beth ducked out of the way. “Gah!” The bat slipped from her hands a second time and fell to the ground with a clang.

“Oops. My bad.” Eric covered a grin with his glove. “That was a slower pitch though.”

“You almost took my head off!” Beth yelled as she straightened. “You did that on purpose!”

The coach retrieved the ball and tossed it back to Eric with a grim look. “If you can’t throw a decent pitch, I’ll replace you.”

Eric snorted with amusement as Beth’s girlfriends jeered at him from the sidelines. Jesse glared at the towering jock. He was such an asshole.

“Try again, Beth,” the coach said through the side of his mouth and Beth snatched the bat off the ground with a huff of frustration.

“He doesn’t want me to hit the ball,” she grumbled. “Eric thinks this is hilarious.”

The coach shrugged and Beth stepped up to bat for a third time with a groan of reluctance.

Coach Vance crossed his arms and glared across the field at Eric. “Do it right this time.”

Eric sneered. “I wasn’t doing anything wrong the first two times.”

Beth muttered something under her breath, but Jesse couldn’t make out the words. The coach clasped her on the shoulder then stepped back to make room for her to swing. It obviously wasn’t important.

Eric readied himself for the next pitch. He stood with an unyielding stance, his eyes narrowed with concentration. He drew his arm back and tossed the ball perfectly.

Beth lurched forward in her excitement and stumbled over first base. She missed the ball and the bat tumbled to the ground for a third time in her clumsiness.

“She can’t even hit the ball!” Eric snickered. “What a loser.”

Beth sniffled with embarrassment. She turned to the coach with tears in her eyes. “That was three times! I’m out, right?”

“The second pitch didn’t count,” the coach drawled.

Beth shook her head.

“This is a waste of time!” Eric shouted behind her. “Get someone else to pitch to this loser.”

“Give it one more go then I’ll let her sit out,” the coach said calmly. “She almost got it this time.”

Eric continued to bitch as Shaun slipped out of the school through the gym’s double doors. Jesse sat up excitedly as Shaun stepped through the gate and loped through the grass with confident strides. Kenny gawked at him as he went past. Other people noticed him too as he stalked through the field. Heads turned and people in the dugout started to point.

Eric fell quiet and planted his hands on his hips as Shaun crossed between third and second base. His eyes narrowed into slits as Shaun strode past without looking in his direction.

Beth stepped back timidly as Shaun approached, but the coach stood his ground as he stopped in front of him and nodded once in acknowledgement. Then Shaun began to talk in a deep voice.

Jesse slid to the edge of the bench and strained to make out the conversation, but it was no use. The students on either side of him whispered amongst themselves and the sound was like a million buzzing bees. He couldn’t hear anything good.

Shaun hadn’t dressed out. He wore his jeans and the flannel shirt from earlier, pushed up over his muscled forearms. Jesse blinked in surprise. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Shaun expose his arms so wantonly. His eyes roved appreciatively over Shaun’s bulky figure as he nodded back at the school. The coach scratched his chin in consideration and Shaun crossed his arms and waited for a reply. Everybody watched the exchange, but Shaun was oblivious. He shook his hair out of his face and met the coach’s eyes with his dark, intent gaze.

The coach pointed over Shaun’s shoulder, at Eric, and Shaun turned his head. He began to grin when he met Eric’s angry eyes.

“You’re replacing me with him?!” Eric snapped, but he dropped the ball and tore the glove off right after. He threw it on the ground three feet from Shaun’s booted feet. “Bunch of losers,” he grumbled under his breath, then he turned and stalked off to stand in the outfield with Kenny.

Shaun bent and snatched up the glove. Then he rushed after the ball as it rolled toward second base. The excited chatter continued around Jesse. There was some nervous giggling, too, and he glared at the two girls sitting at the opposite end of the dugout. The girls watched Shaun with interest as he caught the ball and dusted it off on his jeans. They smiled and whispered with their heads bent together as he started for the pitcher’s mound. One of the girls pointed and said something with a gleam in her eye and Jesse looked away with a pout.

Shaun put the glove on his left hand when he got into position. He gazed down at the ground with a serious look on his face, his mouth an unhappy slash and his brow furrowed with thought. An errant breeze blew his hair back and with the ball gripped in his strong right hand, he looked dangerous and…sexy. Then he raised his head and his dark gaze cut across the dusty field and met Jesse’s.

Jesse’s belly filled with butterflies and he smiled hugely.

Shaun looked away, but he, too, was smiling.

“Well, get the bat,” the coach said as he nudged Beth into action. She stumbled a little but knelt down to get the bat off the ground. She got behind first base and lifted the bat. Then she took a deep breath and firmed her grip. The coach nodded at Shaun then stepped back.

Everyone fell silent as Shaun turned his dark gaze on Beth. Jesse held his breath.

The muscles in Shaun’s right arm flexed as he drew it back and twisted his upper body. He threw the ball, easy and wide, and Beth hit it on the first try with a yell of excitement.

Jesse’s whole team cheered and some of the people in the field echoed them in sympathy. Jesse’s heart swelled with affection as Shaun leisurely scooped up the ball and waited for Beth to run to second base. He didn’t cheer like the others, but he smiled after her as he went back to the pitcher’s mound and prepared for the next batter.

Class ended before Jesse could get a turn to bat. He hadn’t wanted to play before, but he was desperate to have Shaun’s attention on him again, even if he was only going to throw balls at him the whole time…

When the coach ended the game, Kenny and Eric were closest to the school, but Shaun left the baseball diamond the second he was able and in seconds, he was hot on their heels. Jesse scrambled to keep up and he blew past the rest of his team in his rush. Shaun’s legs were longer than Jesse’s and he moved across the grass with long loping steps, but Jesse was nothing if not determined. He broke into a jog and reached Shaun a couple yards from the fence, panting heavily, but without regret. “Slow down…would you?”

Shaun sighed, but mercifully slowed. “What do you want?”

“Can you come to my house…after school?” Jesse asked breathlessly. “I…just want to talk.”

“I don’t know.” Shaun made a face. That sounds like a bad idea.”

“Not true!” Jesse whined. “It’s a great idea!”

Shaun spared him a glance as they crossed through the gate and hit the asphalt. “I’ll stop by your house tonight if I have time.”

“What does that mean?” Jesse huffed. “When are you ever busy?”

Shaun scowled at him. “Maybe I’ve got something going on with the band. Did you ever think of that?”

“No.” Jesse pouted as they reached the doors. “I guess not. I’m sorry.” He knew Shaun was going to leave him in the hall the minute they got inside and he didn’t want him to. Shyly, he reached for his arm.

“Don’t touch me.” Shaun shoved him away and then flew for the doors. He wrenched the right one open and charged inside.

Jesse stood several paces from the door with his heart in his throat. A group of boys streamed around him, like he was a rock in the middle of a stream. People looked at him curiously, but he refused to meet anyone’s gaze.

When the door snicked closed behind the boys, Jesse jolted after them and yanked the door open with a surge of resolve. He looked wildly down the hall, but Shaun was nowhere in sight and he fell back with a sigh. “Shit.”

“Woah. Excuse me,” Beth spoke up from behind him and Jesse quickly moved out of the way as she and two girlfriends came through the door behind him. Jesse smiled sadly after Beth and her friends as they strode down the hall and disappeared into the gym. He hoped Shaun would come by tonight. Everyone had witnessed his compassionate side on the baseball field today, but Jesse wanted to see more of it. He was always so sweet with Brian…

Jesse was halfway through his last class of the day when he remembered he had to turn in his English assignment. He’d been hoping to look for Shaun after class, but he’d be lucky to catch the bus after he got an earful from Miss Stevens. He’d have to wait with crossed fingers for Shaun to show up at the house tonight because that was his only chance to see him now!

When the bell rang, Jesse tossed his things into his bag and pulled out the poem he’d typed during lunch. He took it straight to Miss Stevens’ room.

The young blonde teacher was alone when Jesse stepped into the classroom. Stevens sat at her desk with a stack of similar assignments. She looked up with a faint smile as he approached, but it widened when she saw who it was. “I was wondering if I’d see you again today.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t get a chance to come between classes.” Jesse held out his poem and Stevens took it curiously. “Hopefully, that’ll save my grade.”

Miss Stevens scanned it briefly. “It will.”

“Cool.” Jesse grabbed the strap on his backpack, ready to go. “Well, thanks for the extension.”

“Are you feeling any better?” Stevens asked as she set Jesse’s assignment in front of her. “I could tell you weren’t in the best frame of mind this morning.”

Jesse shrugged. “Yeah. I’m fine now.”

Miss Stevens gestured to the poem. “Is it girl problems?”

Jesse blinked in surprise as Miss Stevens began to chuckle. “Uh…no!”

“I’m sorry! I’m being so nosy.” Stevens took a moment to compose herself, while Jesse gaped at her in utter horror. “I heard some gossip the other day. About you and Emily.”

“That poem isn’t about her.” Jesse vehemently shook his head. “If that’s what you’re thinking. You’re totally wrong.” Miss Stevens looked incredibly amused and Jesse huffed, wondering what uninformed assumptions she was making right now. “Emily and I broke up before we really started to date,” he said firmly. “Because I have feelings for someone else.”

“How interesting.” Miss Stevens smiled hugely. “Maybe you can have a series of poems about it.”

Jesse ducked his head as his cheeks started to get hot. “I’m going to miss the bus,” he muttered.

“You’d better get going then,” Miss Stevens said. “And have an excellent weekend!”

Jesse dashed out of the room and ran head-first into Kyle. “Ooof!” he huffed as he fell into the nearest row of lockers and banged his shoulder.

“Woah!” Kyle grabbed onto the doorway across the hall. He straightened with a laugh. “I was hoping I’d run into you. Not literally, but I suppose this’ll do.”

“I just turned in a late assignment and I’m about to miss the bus,” Jesse groaned as he rubbed his sore shoulder. “I’m sorry, but I’ve got to run.” He lurched for the front doors and Kyle sprang to keep up.

“I’ll take you home.”

“I don’t think so.” Jesse shook his head. “Shaun really wouldn’t like that.”

Kyle grasped Jesse’s forearm and pulled him to a stop.

“I have to go!” Jesse whined. “What are you doing?”

“Screw Shaun and what he doesn’t like,” Kyle snapped. “We didn’t get a chance to talk today. It’s not fair.”

Jesse chewed his bottom lip in consideration. He really didn’t want to go anywhere with Kyle. The blond had made Jesse so uncomfortable yesterday, but he was insistent.

“Ride with me, baby boy.” Kyle tugged and Jesse grudgingly let himself be pulled along. “I promise I won’t bite.”

They exited the building and Kyle led Jesse down the sidewalk. The buses were pulling out now. Jesse could have jumped on with Sam if he’d hurried, but now, unless he wanted to walk home, he was stuck with Kyle.

“Did you get Shaun to talk yet?” he had Jesse’s wrist in a death grip, and he pulled him along at a brisk pace as they stepped off the sidewalk and crossed the main drive for the student lot.

Jesse stumbled to keep up. “Not really, but he said he might stop by after school, so you can’t come in my house.”

Kyle snorted. “And you think he’ll show up?”

“He might…”

Kyle released Jesse’s arm as they approached the Cadillac. “Do you even know what you’re going to talk about if he does?” he asked as he crossed in front of his car, keys jangling in his palm.

“No,” Jesse sighed. “But I really don’t think I need a plan.”

“That’s a bad idea.” Kyle shook his head as he unlocked the car. “You should always have a game plan.” He slid behind the wheel then leaned across the passenger seat to opened Jesse’s door from the inside.

Jesse wasn’t eager to be alone with Kyle, but he figured he’d be home in under five minutes. Then he’d make his excuses and escape his clutches. He took a deep breath then climbed in the passenger seat and shut the door behind him with resignation. “I don’t have my life plotted out like that,” he muttered, hugging his bag to his chest. “I just want to talk about the kiss.”

Kyle started the car with a knowing smirk. “And what if he kisses you again? What if he wants sex this time?”

“We o-obviously aren’t t-talking about the same guy,” Jesse stuttered as Kyle drove the Cadillac out of the parking lot and they left the school behind. “S-Shaun doesn’t even want to hear the word kiss…he isn’t going to whip out his dick and…and…”

“Start fucking you?”

Jesse looked out his window at the passing fields as his cheeks burned with embarrassment. “We’re not going to have sex tonight,” he muttered faintly.

“How do you know?”

“Because we’ll be at my house,” Jesse said. “With all my siblings downstairs.”

Kyle laughed. “How many are there again?”

“It’s not going to happen,” Jesse whispered. “Whether we want it to or not.”

“Jesse,” Kyle tisked. “Are you a virgin?”

Jesse sat up straight and glared at the other boy. “Fuck no I’m not a virgin!”

“Maybe not with the ladies,” Kyle said with a smile. “But I’m talking about your anal virginity.”

Jesse’s mouth dropped open. “I-I-I—”

“I’m guessing from the look on your face right now that you’ve never pleasured a man,” Kyle said coolly.

Jesse was speechless.

“That’s no good. You don’t want to be totally inexperienced when Shaun fucks you the first time, do you?” Kyle crooned and Jesse hid his face with a groan. “I know everything you’d ever thing to ask about sex with guys. I could tell you a lot, but if you wanted, I could show you even more.” His warm hand slid across Jesse’s thigh.

“Get off!” Jesse cried and shoved him away with force. “No! I don’t want you like that, Kyle. I never did and I never will, okay?”

Kyle casually smoothed his hair back. “I was offering for educational purposes.”

Jesse shook his head and looked out at the yellow corn stalks. They were almost to his house. He wouldn’t have to put up with this much longer.

“Shaun looked good today,” Kyle said after a pause.

“Yeah.”

“He turned some heads and for once, it had nothing to do with his nasty personality.”

“I liked his hair today.” Jesse smiled a little. “I think he should grow it out. It would look cool on stage.”

“Hmm.”

Jesse turned back to the car to gauge Kyle’s reaction. “Do you really know Shaun’s band? Have you seen them play?”

Kyle’s expression didn’t change. “More than once.”

Jesse wanted to ask for details, but he was wary. They were pulling up outside his house, anyway, and Jesse peeked at Shaun’s place as it slid past. Eli’s Ford was missing but Ruth’s van was parked by the garage. The house looked quiet and dark, though, like nobody was home. Kyle coasted in Jesse’s drive and parked close to the grass. Then he reached into the backseat and rummaged under a pile of coats on the seat.

“What are you doing?” Jesse asked.

Kyle pulled out a bottle of Smirnoff with a grin. “I know you said I couldn’t come in, but you should definitely rethink that decision.”

Jesse sighed. “Not a good idea, Kyle.”

“I don’t see what the harm would be.” Kyle stashed the vodka in his Supreme bag. “We’ll get to hangout for a bit longer and the booze will loosen you up for Shaun.”

Jesse’s face blanched of color. “Loosen me up?”

Kyle smirked at him. “You promised you’d help me finish my flask today.” He took the keys out of the ignition then opened the door. “But since you ghosted me earlier, you have to finish the whole bottle with me before I’ll leave.” He stepped out of the car and Jesse watched him dance across the front lawn. He hopped up on the doorstep and beckoned Jesse with a hand.

Jesse sighed deeply and followed him to the house.

Sam was inside on the couch when Jesse and Kyle came in. He was texting again. He was doing that a lot lately, but he looked up when Jesse came through the door and glared at him. Then his eyes wandered to Kyle and he blinked in surprise. “You again.”

“How’s it going, sweetie.”

Sam brushed his hair out of his face. “Totally bored.”

“You poor thing,” Kyle pouted in sympathy. “Maybe you should come upstairs with us.”

“Nope! Sorry. Can’t help you Sam,” Jesse said loudly as he grabbed Kyle’s arm and yanked him toward the stairs. “Stay down here.”

Sam glowered after them, but Jesse didn’t care. He was turning into a complete burnout, and there was no way he was going to encourage his little brother to do the same.

“You’re pulling my skin,” Kyle said as they reached the top of the stairs. He twisted his arm out of Jesse’s grasp and checked the damage. “I think you left a bruise.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “You did the same thing to me earlier.”

Kyle drew back. “I do not grab people.” He looked incredibly offended and Jesse tried not to laugh at his expression.

They entered Jesse’s bedroom and it was a mess, as usual. He kicked their junk out of the way and headed for Sam’s bed and took a seat on the edge because he wasn’t going to invite Kyle up to his bunk. That was his and Shaun’s place.

Kyle followed him to the bed. “Nice pad.” He sank onto the mattress beside Jesse and laid back with a sigh. Their thighs brushed, and Jesse inched away.

“You’re joking?”

“Not at all.” Kyle laughed. “You’ve seen my place, right?”.

Jesse shrugged uncomfortably. Sam’s bed was the last place he’d wanted to end up today and with Kyle of all people. “Maybe we should start drinking,” he said moodily. “It won’t be good if Shaun shows up and you’re still here.”

Kyle sat up and opened his Supreme bag. He took out the bottle of Smirnoff and balanced it on his knee. “I didn’t know you were such a lush.” He tore off the seal, unscrewed the lid, then handed it to Jesse. “Here. Get started.”

“Gaa!” Jesse’s face screwed up when he took a drink. “That’s horrible.”

Kyle snorted and took the alcohol back from him. “I love vodka,” he said, then he tipped the bottle and drank deeply.

“It’d be better if you mixed it with something that has some taste,” Jesse grumbled.

“Well, go get a glass,” Kyle said, waving a hand at the door. “It’s good with lemonade.”

“I don’t have any,” Jesse muttered. “And I’m not going down there until you’re ready to leave. My brother will scratch my eyes out when he smells vodka on my breath!”

“You should let him drink.” Kyle screwed the lid back on the bottle and wedged it between his legs. “It’ll put some hair on his chest.”

“Ugh.” Jesse wrinkled his nose. “He’s thirteen. That’s gross.”

Kyle played with the lid on the Smirnoff. “I started drinking when I was ten,” he said. “Maybe before that even.”

“Good for you,” Jesse grumbled. “But I don’t want that kind of life for my little brother.”

Kyle smirked at him. “Fine example your setting.”

Jesse growled. “As a favor to me,” he said heatedly. “Please, stay away from Sam.”

“It’s not like we have school together,” Kyle said as he continued to play with the bottle between his legs. “The only time I see him is when I’m visiting you.”

“And let’s keep it that way,” Jesse said with a nod.

Kyle sighed and unscrewed the vodka again. “This is a lot of fun.”

“Sorry I didn’t have anything planned.” Jesse crossed his arms. “This is your party. You invited yourself.”

“Well, I didn’t come in to be lectured, that’s for sure.” Kyle took a long swig of the vodka. “Let’s talk about something else.”

Jesse hugged himself and hoped Kyle wouldn’t bring up—

“Shaun,” Kyle said as a slow smile spread across his face. “That’s why we’re here. We should drink to him, as well.” He held up the vodka in an imaginary toast then took another drink, a little swallow this time. Then he offered it to Jesse.

Jesse glowered but partook in another drink. The taste was really starting to bother him. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and then tried to give the bottle back to Kyle.

Kyle shook his head and gave Jesse a long, appraising look. “I can’t believe Shaun kissed you.”

Jesse blushed furiously and cradled the bottle to his chest. “Well, he did.”

“Oh, I believe you,” Kyle said. “Every time I mention your name, Shaun gets so defensive. I knew immediately that you were different. He likes you.”

Jesse smiled a little as he took another sip of the alcohol. He tried to hand it back again, but Kyle pressed his lips together and refused a second time. “What’s your problem?” Jesse grumbled as he set it behind him, next to the bed. “You’re the one who wanted to drink.”

Kyle blinked his steel gray eyes. “You’re cuter than me.”

“Uh.” Jesse rubbed his neck. “Thanks.”

Kyle’s gaze raked over his body. “Your wardrobe could use some work,” he said stiffly. “And you should have a professional cut your hair.”

“Is it really that bad?” Jesse let his hair fall into his eyes.

Kyle ignored him. “I can see why Shaun likes you,” he drawled. “You’re attractive. In a boy-next-door kind of way.”

Jesse wrapped his arms around his belly and hugged himself. “You’re making me uncomfortable.”

“Oh.” Kyle stuck his bottom lip out. “What did I say?”

Jesse looked away. “Why are you even here right now?”

“Because I was hoping to get another glimpse at our favorite rocker-boy-toy.” Kyle laughed bitterly.

“If that’s all you’re hanging around for.” Jesse closed his eyes. “Then I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“We didn’t finish the bottle yet.” Kyle stretched out an arm for the booze. He had to lay across Jesse’s lap to reach it, but he latched onto the bottle at last and yanked it back into his lap.

“Shaun will be furious if he finds out you’re here,” Jesse said dramatically. “All you’re going to do is start an argument.”

“Let me finish this first.” Kyle took a large, sloppy drink of his alcohol. “You owe me that much at least.”

Jesse narrowed his eyes. “I don’t owe you anything.”

“Well, I think you do.” Kyle sang. “Shaun was supposed to be mine.” He gestured gallantly with the bottle and liquid spilled across the sheets. “Life is so unfair!” He laughed.

Jesse pried the bottle from Kyle’s fingers. “Where’s the lid!”

“Oops.” Kyle grinned at him toothily. “I dropped it.”

Jesse huffed and sat the bottle on the floor again but slid it back further this time. “I think you’ve had too much to drink.”

Kyle batted his eyelashes. “I’m not even drunk yet, sweetie.”

“Why are you acting like this?” Jesse frowned at him. “Because your jealous of me and Shaun?”

Kyle’s smile fell away. “Have you ever been rejected?”

“Sure.” Jesse said easily. “Plenty of times.”

“Rejected by someone you really care about?” Kyle rephrased.

Jesse sighed. “The alcohol’s going to your head. I understand you’re upset—”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

“Oh no.” Jesse stood up. “That’s Shaun.”

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

“Shit! Alright!” Sam’s voice floated up from the living room. “I’m coming.”

“Oh fuck.” Jesse pushed his hands through his hair. “Shaun’s going to kill me.”

Kyle leaned back on his elbows and quirked an eyebrow. “Should I climb out the window?”

“He already saw your car,” Jesse muttered. “That won’t help.”

“Where is he?!” Shaun’s voice boomed from downstairs and Jesse froze. “Where’s Kyle?”

“H-he’s upstairs,” Sam stammered.

Kyle covered his mouth to hide a laugh as Shaun began to bellow.

“Kyle!”

Jesse stumbled for the door and flew into the hall.

“Come out, come out, you little snake!”

Jesse reached the top of the stairs and grabbed onto the banister. He used it to hop down soundlessly to the second stair.

Shaun stood just inside the front door with his hands balled at his sides. He turned on Jesse the moment he appeared on the stairs, his nostrils flared and his dark eyes burning like hot coals. He lurched around the couch.

“Where’s Kyle?” he snapped as he advanced on Jesse. “And what the fuck is he doing here to begin with?!”

“I-I missed the bus.” Jesse backed up nervously as Shaun closed the distance between them, but he immediately fell back on the stairs. There was nowhere to go. “Kyle o-offered me a ride home.”

“What?” Shaun stopped an inch from Jesse and his dark hair fell into his eyes as he bared his teeth. “Are you friends now?!”

“Shaun, baby,” Kyle drawled from the top of the stairs. “Did you call for me?”

Shaun looked at the blond viciously over Jesse’s head. “What the fuck happened when I was gone?!” he spat. “I was only sick for a couple days!”

“We started talking,” Jesse muttered, and Shaun dropped his gaze and sneered at him.

“About you, of course,” Kyle said as he started down the stairs. “Excuse me, gentlemen.” He squeezed past the pair on the landing then breezed into the room as he looked coyly over his shoulder. “Jesse and I had a lot of interesting conversations while you were laid up,” he winked as he turned away and strutted for the couch. “Try not to be too jealous.”

Shaun stalked after him. “Oh no you don’t.” He grabbed the back of Kyle’s shirt before he could sit and swung him violently away from the couch.

“Let go of me!” Kyle twisted in Shaun’s grasp and tugged frantically on his nice, cotton shirt to free it. “Stop!” But Shaun shoved his hands away and picked him up like a doll. He hauled Kyle behind the couch like he weighed nothing.

“Get out.” Shaun tossed Kyle at the door like a piece of trash. “Now.”

The blond crumbled against it and wacked his ribs on the doorknob. “Ouch!” He clutched his side and looked up furiously at Shaun. “That hurt!”

“I don’t fucking care!” Shaun yelled. “And I don’t want you talking to Jesse anymore, either.”

“What’s the big deal?” Kyle winced and rubbed his side again. “Damn you… Are you really that afraid I’ll steal him away from you?”

Shaun stalked after him, snarling, and Kyle yanked the door open with a high-pitched cry. He was gone in the blink of an eye and Shaun stepped up behind him and aggressively turned the lock.

“What the fuck was that?” Sam said into the sudden silence. He was flattened against the wall across from the door. He looked between Shaun and Jesse with wide, amazed eyes.

Shaun squared his shoulders and sighed deeply. He continued to glare at the closed door as he spoke. “What were you doing up there? With Kyle.”

Jesse licked his lips. “We were just talking. That’s all we ever do. Talk.”

“Then why were you up there? In your room?”

Jesse’s gaze drifted back to his brother. “So we could get away from Sam. Obviously.”

“Are you guys fags for each other?” Sam cracked a smile and started to laugh. “Like…for real?”

Shaun whirled around and started for Sam with wild eyes, his hands going for his throat. “You little cunt!”

Jesse bolted across the room as Sam pressed himself against the wall and closed his eyes. “Shit!”

Jesse threw himself in front of his little brother and stretched his arms out protectively. “No! Stop it!”

Shaun pulled to a stop. “Fuck…” He clenched his fists a few times, but he didn’t come any closer.

“That’s enough fighting for one day,” Jesse said faintly. “We all need to relax.”

Shaun’s jaw ticked with anger. “How long have you been talking to Kyle?”

“A couple days. I told you that.” Jesse glanced nervously over his shoulder at his brother and smiled guiltily when he met Sam’s narrowed brown eyes. He turned back to Shaun. “Maybe we should go upstairs,” he muttered.

Shaun nodded tightly and Jesse stepped away from his brother with a sigh of relief.

They went upstairs together; Jesse led the way. He thought about trying to hide the bottle of vodka as they reached the bedroom, but Shaun saw it immediately and stepped around him.

He lifted the bottle with two fingers. There were a few shots left at the bottom. “You were drinking?”

Jesse shrugged. “Kyle offered that, too.”

“Would you accept anything he offered you?” Shaun snapped. “How about if he offered you his cock?”

“He did.” Jesse laughed nervously as Shaun’s eyes bugged out of his head. “I turned him down though.”

“Wow.” Shaun tucked the bottle under his arm and clapped sarcastically. “You’ve actually got some willpower.”

“Fuck you.” Jesse narrowed his eyes. “I tried to look for you after school. Where were you?” He raised an eyebrow. “Band stuff?”

Shaun looked away. “Grandpa picked me up after gym for a doctor’s appointment. We just got home,” he grumbled. “Five minutes ago.”

“Were you actually sick?”

“That cut on my stomach got infected.” Shaun lifted the bottle of vodka to his mouth and finished the dregs in a single, long pull. “I had to get it treated at the hospital.” He burped. “The bastards sewed it up.”

Jesse gasped. “Can I see?”

Shaun tossed the bottle carelessly toward the closet. “Fuck no.”

Jesse pouted. “When did you go to the hospital?”

“Monday.” Shaun looked around until he spotted Jesse’s desk chair. He pulled it out and took a seat. “I wasn’t feeling good after the bus ride.” He made a grumpy face. “So I stupidly went to the nurse. The bitch called my grandparents and told them if they didn’t take me to the hospital, she’d call an ambulance on the spot.”

Jesse laughed. “That worked?”

Shaun glared at him. “I wouldn’t have been at the doctor today if it hadn’t. It was a follow-up visit. The fuckers wanted to poke my stitches.”

“I wanna poke ‘em, too,” Jesse joked.

Shaun snorted and shook his head.

“Shaun…” Jesse edged across the room. He sank to his knees and sat below Shaun on his knees and looked up at him pleadingly. “I want to talk about Sunday,” he said softly.

Shaun stiffened and avoided his eyes. “And I already told you. I don’t want to.”

“But I have feelings for you!” Jesse whined.

Shaun grumbled unhappily as his hair fell into his face.

“What was that?”

“I don’t have feelings,” Shaun said in a deep voice. “My heart is black.”

Jesse gently rested a hand on Shaun’s knee and caught his gaze. Shaun’s eyes glittered with tightly constrained emotion. Jesse waited to be brushed away, but when it didn’t happen, he slid his hand higher and squeezed Shaun’s strong thigh.

“Jesse…” Shaun’s eyes slid half-way shut. “What are you doing?”

“Touching you,” Jesse said softly as he rested his free hand on the other leg. Shaun’s muscles flexed nervously under his palms. “Am I bothering you?”

“Extremely,” Shaun hissed.

“Good,” Jesse said as he began to rub Shaun’s inner thighs. “You deserve to be bothered a little. I’ve been worried about you all week.”

“You weren’t too worried to buddy up with Kyle.” Shaun’s dark eyes flashed. “After I specifically told you not to do that!”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve ordering me around.” Jesse sat back with a huff. “You treat me like crap. All the time… and you avoided me for days.”

Shaun scowled at him and crossed his arms. “I’m not avoiding you now.”

Jesse laughed humorously. “Does that magically fix everything?”

“No,” Shaun muttered. “I guess not.”

Jesse gazed at him for a long moment. Shaun’s eyes were hard, but slowly, they softened, and he looked away with a deep sigh.

“I’m sorry,” he said, grudgingly. “For avoiding you, for yelling at you and for… everything else,” he grumbled.

“I forgive you,” Jesse said with a smile. “But we still have to talk about what happened.”

Shaun clenched his teeth together. “Well, I’d rather talk about what happened with you and Kyle.”

Jesse got off the floor with a huff went to Sam’s bed. “What do you want to know?” He threw himself back and looked boredly at the ceiling. “There isn’t much to tell.”

“What did you talk about?” Shaun said through his teeth as he spun the chair in Jesse’s direction and leaned over his wide-spread knees. “What did you tell him about me?”

Jesse nervously chewed his lip. “I…I told him I have feelings for you,” he said, which was true at least. He wanted to admit to telling Kyle about their first kiss, but he was sure it would cause a huge blow up. “But I didn’t tell him anything about you. Nothing personal.”

“That’s not personal?” Shaun threw his hands up.

“He knows a lot about you already,” Jesse said, glaring at the ceiling. “He says you used to be best friends in middle-school.”

Shaun barked a laugh. “Hardly.”

Jesse sat up and transferred his glare to the boy sitting across the room. “He knows about your grandparents and your band.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “None of that is a secret.”

“He’s totally obsessed with you,” Jesse pressed. “I think he’s in love with you.”

“He is. In his own twisted little way,” Shaun said as his lip curled with distaste. “And stop fucking glaring at me,” he snapped, and Jesse blinked in shock. “I don’t care about Kyle’s feelings.”

“W-what happened between you two?”

“I rejected him,” Shaun sneered. “And he never got over it. He’s butthurt.”

“He’s nice enough, but he makes me uncomfortable every time I’m around him,” Jesse said softly. “There’s just something about him…”

“He’s always been like that.” Shaun scowled. “Something wrong with him. He’s nasty, Jesse.”

“Kyle thinks your destined to be together,” Jesse said bitterly. “It’s kind of cute. In a way.”

“Cute?” Shaun made a face. “A couple years ago, he asked me to be his fuck buddy.”

Jesse raised his eyebrows.

“He thought I was desperate enough to accept,” Shaun said, his expression darkening. “And that I’d keep all his dirty little secrets because nobody likes me.”

Jesse chewed his lip. He didn’t know what to say, because Shaun had never been too popular…

“When I turned him down, Kyle threatened to tell everyone I was gay if I didn’t fuck him,” Shaun sneered. “But I didn’t give in. I wasn’t going to be intimidated like that.”

“That’s…” Jesse swallowed. “A lot different than he explained it.”

“That pussy chickened out anyway.” Shaun pushed the chair around moodily with his booted feet. “He didn’t want to dirty his own reputation, I guess. Not that it’s ever been squeaky clean…”

“I can see why you don’t like him,” Jesse said uneasily as Shaun spun the chair in a slow circle. “We just started talking and already I don’t think very highly of him.”

“And yet he’s up in your room with bottles of Smirnoff,” Shaun muttered.

“Kyle’s the only person that’s talking to me right now,” Jesse said, and Shaun looked up in surprise. “Everybody’s been giving me the cold shoulder since that thing with Emily fizzled out. I’ve been alone all week.”

Shaun jumped out of the chair and went to the window at the foot of Sam’s bed. His eyes narrowed as he looked out at the driveway.

Jesse watched him solemnly. “What are you looking for?”

“Kyle.”

Jesse stared blankly at him. “None of this is his fault, you know.”

“Maybe not.” Shaun glowered at him over his shoulder. “But he’s an opportunist and that pisses me off!”

Jesse trampled down a smile as Shaun stewed with anger. He looked disagreeable all around, but Jesse decided to risk it. “Can you just…sit with me for a little bit.”

Shaun’s brow furrowed with confusion. “Why?”

“Because I’m going to talk about kissing.”

Shaun turned from the window with a growl.

“You should probably sit down.”

Shaun stormed back to the desk chair and fell into the seat. He crossed his arms as he rocked back and forth on the reclining back rest. He didn’t meet Jesse’s eyes. He glared across the room at the opposite wall.

Jesse slid to the edge of the bed. “I’ve been thinking about it all week,” he said. “About kissing you.”

Shaun curled his lip. “That’s pathetic.”

Jesse pouted. “Shaun…”

Shaun’s jaw worked angrily.

Jesse stood and glided across the room. He stopped just in front of the chair. “Can you look at me…please?”

Shaun huffed grouchily and looked up.

“You’re going to have to get comfortable with the idea of kissing, because I’m not going to stop harassing you until I get another one.”

Shaun scowled spectacularly. “Why the fuck would you want me to stick my tongue in your mouth? Again! I’m disgusting, Jesse!” he snapped. “I’m not made for all this…soft, fuzzy, romantic shit!” He raised his hands, trembling, and looked at them miserably. “My body’s scarred up and calloused, my hair’s a tangled mess, I smell, and I’m ugly.” Shaun curled his hands into big unyielding fists as he whispered. “I never should have kissed you.”

“Stop.” Jesse gently took Shaun’s hands. “None of that is true.” Shaun opened his mouth to interrupt, but Jesse cut him off. “And even if it is, even a little bit, I don’t care right now.”

Shaun glared at him mutinously.

Jesse placed Shaun’s hands on his hips, then climbed into his lap. “I want to kiss you,” Jesse said as he settled with his calves on either side of Shaun’s thighs and rested his butt on his knees. “I want to do a lot of things with you…”

Shaun clutched Jesse’s hips and watched him with wary eyes. “I don’t want to be gay, Jesse,” he murmured.

Jesse slid his fingers through Shaun’s hair. “I don’t care about that right now either.”

Shaun frowned and his face got serious. “I’m not going to be your boyfriend, if that’s what your wanting.”

Jesse laughed and scratched his fingers along Shaun’s stubbly jaw. “Are you done? Any more objections?”

Shaun glared at him and his dark eyes glittered with uncertainty.

Jesse brushed his hair away and leaned in close.

Shaun tensed up. “Jesse…”

“Let me do this,” Jesse whispered, and Shaun sighed and dropped his hands from Jesse’s waist. Jesse pouted and pushed Shaun’s hair behind his ears. “You okay?”

Shaun looked into his eyes. “Not really,” he muttered, but there was a soft blush spreading across the bridge of his nose. Jesse thought it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen.

He leaned in the rest of the way and pressed his lips softly against Shaun’s. Shaun was stiff at first and Jesse kept the kiss tender and chaste. He stroked his fingers through Shaun’s hair and urged him to relax and slowly, Shaun began to warm up. Jesse sighed as their mouths melted together and he rested his hands on Shaun’s shoulders as the kiss sweetened.

Then, Shaun growled low in his chest and his arms tightened around Jesse’s middle. He pulled him close, until there was no space left between them, and he clutched Jesse flush to his body. The kiss became insistent and Shaun held Jesse close as their lips slid together wetly. He pushed his tongue into Jesse’s mouth and met his with a jolt that had both boys moaning with desire. Shaun’s tongue wrestled Jesse’s into submission until they were hard and gasping for orgasm.

Jesse held onto Shaun’s shoulders as his mouth was thoroughly plundered. He pressed his hard dick against Shaun’s and bounced and thrust his hips with enthusiasm.

Shaun groaned into Jesse’s mouth and dug his short fingernails into his back as Jesse moved against him. He was able to thrust his cock up into Jesse’s with a bit of effort and together, they quickly found a rhythm.

Jesse ripped his mouth away from Shaun’s and looped his arms around his neck. He pressed his cock down on Shaun’s with extra pressure as he gazed affectionately at his red, sweaty face. He loved his face…he loved everything about him and as Jesse’s cock tingled in his pants, everything in that moment was perfect. Jesse reached up and gently stroked Shaun’s heated cheek.

Shaun’s eyes fluttered open. His cheeks were adorably red, but he scowled like a champ. “You’re such a freak,” he muttered as he drove his fingers into Jesse’s narrow hips. “Why do you always stare at me like that?”

Jesse winced as Shaun pinched his skin, but he smiled anyway. “Because I love you, dickhead.”

Shaun blinked rapidly in surprise and Jesse leaned down and kissed him. Their lips met, their tongues slid together, and Jesse rocked and rocked his hips until he came explosively with a yell. He fell against Shaun wearily as waves of pleasure wracked his body.

Shaun gripped Jesse’s waist and held him firmly in place as he continued to rut. He buried his face in Jesse’s throat and grunted in time with his thrusting hips until he came.

Jesse held onto Shaun as his breathing came back to normal. He stroked his hair and rubbed his back warmly.

“Nobody’s ever said that to me before,” Shaun muttered.

Jesse nudged Shaun upright and looked into his face. “What do you mean?”

Shaun looked away grouchily. “What you just said… The love thing.”

Jesse laughed cheerfully. “I know what you’re talking about.” Shaun grumbled mutinously under his breath and Jesse kissed him on the cheek. “I love you, Shaun,” he said sweetly. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved anybody as much as I love you.”

Shaun dumped him out of his lap and Jesse fell back with a yelp.

“Hey!”

Shaun stood up. “I have to…” He looked down at the wet spot on his jeans. “Clean this up,” he muttered, then he swept out of the room.

Jesse watched him go with a pout. After he made faces on the floor for a couple seconds, he got up and jumped out of his jeans. He pealed his underwear off next and wrinkled his nose as he wadded the stained bit of clothing into a ball. He tossed everything into the dirty laundry in the corner then found some unused napkins in an old bag of fast food under Sam’s bed.

He cleaned himself off hurriedly. Shaun had left the door open. Jesse could hear the TV downstairs, but he was desperate to get dressed just in case Sam decided to come poking around. They were lucky he hadn’t burst into the room when they’d been making out.

Jesse found a fresh pair of undies and some jeans in his drawer and pulled everything on in front of the mirror. His auburn hair was mussed, and he styled it half-heartedly with his fingers. He didn’t look any different from before, but he’d officially had sex with a boy. They’d come together and everything! Jesse smiled serenely at his reflection as Shaun strode into the room behind him.

“What are you smiling about?” Shaun asked unhappily.

Jesse turned to look at him. Shaun was in the same outfit as earlier, but the sleeves were rolled down and the shirt was untucked so he could hide his obvious come stain.

“Well?” Shaun barked.

Jesse shrugged uncomfortably. “I don’t know. I was just thinking about what we just did.”

Shaun straightened and narrowed his eyes. “Nobody can ever find out we did that.”

Jesse nodded rapidly. “I know.”

Shaun went back to the desk chair and turned it around as he peered at the seat. After a moment, he was satisfied it was clean and he sat down with a huff. “What we just did was a mistake.”

Jesse’s face fell. “Are you going to start avoiding me again and being mean all the time?”

Shaun held up a hand. “I’m not turning into a fag for you, Jesse. This isn’t going to end well.”

“I know your trying to warn me.” Jesse frowned at him. “But you’re such a pessimist, I’m not sure how seriously I should take you.”

Shaun scowled at him. “Okay then,” he sneered. “What are you seeing in our gay future together?”

Jesse shook his head. “We don’t have to plan for the future. That’s not what I’m asking for.”

“What are you asking for then?” Shaun asked stiffly.

“For us to see where this goes,” Jesse said in a soft voice. “That’s all.”

Shaun spun the chair in a circle. “What is this?”

Jesse laughed. “We don’t have to give it a name. We can just be…us.”

“Oh, that makes it clear as mud.”

Jesse snorted with amusement. “I like you, Shaun…well, I more than like you. I—”

“You don’t have to say it again,” Shaun blurted out as he stopped the chair. He stared at Jesse with wide, horrified eyes and Jesse zipped his lips. Shaun pushed his chair back and forth. “Thank you,” he muttered.

“You don’t like that word?” Jesse asked casually.

“Its fine. But…” Shaun shrugged and looked away. “You’ve already said it twice.”

“I like you,” Jesse said with a little smile. “And I like kissing you and getting off with you.”

Shaun made a face.

“I want to do it more. A lot more,” Jesse said simply. “And I want to see more of you, too.”

“How could you possibly see more of me?” Shaun asked. “I’m always at your house.”

Jesse nodded. “I need you here. I missed you this past week. Like crazy.”

Shaun pushed his fingers through his hair. “Can we talk about something else besides your shitty week?”

Jesse went to his closet. “I got some weed from Kyle,” he said as he rummaged around on the top shelf. “I had to hide it from Sam, but we could smoke if you wanted.”

Shaun was glaring at him when he turned around with the shoebox he’d stuffed his weed in. “Is that why Kyle offered you his dick? As a discount?”

“No.” Jesse rolled his eyes and came to sit on the floor at Shaun’s feet. “He took out the pill bottle of bud and broke some up in the cap. “He was offering to teach me how to ‘pleasure a man’.”

Shaun’s face turned bright red. “Jesse…”

Jesse added the weed to his aluminum foil bowl and took out his mom’s handi-grill. He sparked up and took a generous hit. “Relax. I turned him down. I told you.” He choked out his smoke as Shaun glared at him viciously. “He was being gross when I told him I was starting to have feelings for you.” He took a second hit then handed everything to Shaun with a sheepish look.

Shaun frowned down at the makeshift bowl. “What the fuck is this?”

Jesse released his smoke in a neat column. “Something I made,” he said with a shrug. “I don’t own a bowl anymore. Sorry.”

Shaun lit up with a scowl on his face. He held onto the bowl as he leaned back and crossed his foot over his knee. He gazed over Jesse’s head at the mirror as he let his smoke out of his nose. “The things I want are fucked up, Jesse.”

“What?” Jesse looked up as Shaun toked up again, then passed the bowl back. Jesse set everything aside and kept his eyes on Shaun’s face. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m messed up,” Shaun said darkly. “I’m not a normal person.”

“I don’t think you’re messed up,” Jesse said in a little voice.

Shaun glared daggers at him. “You barely know me.”

Jesse raised his chin. “I know you better than anyone.” Though the past week had shown him how much he didn’t know Shaun. “Can’t you give me a little credit?” he whined, pushing the negative thought aside. “Nothing I’ve learned about you so far has made me turn away from you.”

Shaun sneered at him. “Fine.”

“Fine?” Jesse blinked in confusion.

“If you want to do this.” Shaun gestured between them uncomfortably. “Then fine.”

Jesse beamed as he stretched up on his knees. He leaned in awkwardly and kissed Shaun sloppily on the side of the mouth.

Shaun pulled away dramatically and looked wildly at the open door. “You aren’t allowed to do that with the door open,” he hissed as he wiped his mouth.

Jesse couldn’t stop smiling. He didn’t care who saw that. Shaun huffed and pushed him away, but Jesse sank to his place on the floor with his heart full to bursting.

They smoked for a while. The bud in the pill bottle was quickly dwindling, but Jesse put it out of his mind. He kept sneaking peaks at Shaun’s belly… he wanted to see his stitches.

Shaun was puffing on the aluminum pipe. Jesse watched the bud flame red in the bowl.

“Can I see your stitches?” he asked.

Shaun released his smoke as he gave Jesse a dirty look. “You won’t quit until I do, will you?”

Jesse smiled faintly. “Probably not.”

Shaun sighed as he pulled up his shirt. There was a large swatch of bandaging over the stab wound next to his belly button. Jesse’s eyes roamed curiously over Shaun’s exposed abdomen. He hadn’t noticed before, but under the old scars, Shaun stomach was tight with muscle.

“What does it look like?” Jesse asked shyly.

“Red and raw looking,” Shaun said as he dropped his shirt. “You don’t want to see it. It’s gross.”

Jesse winced.

“Everything about me is gross,” Shaun muttered under his breath, then he hit the bowl again with a dour look on his face.

“Shaun…” Jesse gazed at him sadly. “I wish you wouldn’t beat up on yourself so much.”

Shaun grunted and determinedly avoided his eyes.

“I wish you wouldn’t cut yourself anymore either,” Jesse whispered. “It hurts me to see you in pain.”

Shaun tipped his head back with a groan. “I like cutting myself!” He shoved the smoking paraphernalia rudely in Jesse’s face, so he had to take it. “I’m sick of being told its bad for me.”

“It got you in the hospital,” Jesse said with a frown. “And your obviously ashamed of the scars, no matter how much you like making them.”

Shaun righted himself in his chair again and gave Jesse a nasty look. “I’m not ashamed,” he hissed. “But they tend to lock you up and put you on meds when you talk about how much you like to cut up your arms.”

Jesse shook his head. “How are you going to argue cutting’s good for you?”

“I can’t promise you anything.” Shaun ground his teeth together. “But I’ll try.”

Jesse smiled a little. “Well, that’s something, I guess.”

Shaun wouldn’t meet his eyes and Jesse was a little disheartened. He promised himself he’d keep a close eye on the other boy and he let it go for now.

They sat upstairs for a bit longer, but when they heard the twins come in downstairs, Shaun said he was bored.

“Let’s play that guitar game,” he said. “The one with the Slayer song.”

Jesse brightened. “Guitar Hero?”

Shaun nodded glumly. “I’m not very good…”

Jesse waved a hand. “It doesn’t matter. Come on.” He gathered his weed stuff, tossed it in the shoebox, then stashed everything back in the closet. He led the way out of the room.

When they got downstairs, Allison was digging through her school bag while Tyler spoke in an excited voice in the kitchen.

Jesse gestured for Shaun to sit on the couch then popped his head into the other room. Tyler bounced by the back door, while Sam leaned against the counter, his head buried in his phone for the millionth time.

Jesse stepped into the room, his hands going to his hips. “What’s going on?”

“We’re playing soccer!” Tyler cheered.

Sam looked up from his phone and gave Jesse a strange look. “We’re going out back,” he said. “I figured everyone should go outside for a while. Get some fresh air.”

Jesse dropped his arms. “That’s a good idea.”

Allison rushed into the room with her hair in a ponytail. “I found my hair ties!”

“Cool. Let’s go.” Sam stepped away from the counter and ushered the twins to the back door. Allison sprang ahead and yanked the door open for everyone.

“Good one!” Tyler said. “I’ll get the ball!”

Jesse watched them go with a feeling of impending doom. Sam had probably heard everything that had happened upstairs earlier. The twin disasters seemed like they were in decent moods, that was always a plus, but Sam knew he and Shaun were a couple now…

He wandered back into the living room and found Shaun sitting on the edge of the couch, looking like he was about to bolt.

“Sit back and stay awhile,” Jesse joked as he went to the entertainment center to load up the X-Box. “You can’t leave until you’ve seen Brian. It would break his heart if he just missed you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Shaun scowled at him. “I said I’d play the stupid guitar game.”

Jesse plugged in the controller and started up the game. “I’ll put it on easy-mode, so it won’t be as challenging.”

Shaun crossed his arms and glared at the TV.

Jesse shook his head and smiled at him fondly.

They sat on the couch together, but Jesse maintained a respectable distance for the most part. He didn’t kiss on Shaun and fill the silences with ‘I love you’s but…he wanted to.

Shaun sat stiffly beside him and watched Jesse play with a bored look on his face. He never tried to jump in and play and he commented meanly when Jesse’s performance wasn’t up to par, but Jesse took the criticism with a grain of salt. He’d heard much worse from his brothers.

It was starting to get dark out when the front door burst open. “They were playing in the street!” Monica bitched as she stepped over the threshold. “You weren’t paying attention. I can’t even tell you how dangerous that is when they’re playing in the front yard.” The baby was on her left hip and she struggled to hold the door behind her.

“I thought they were still in the yard.” Sam stepped through the door behind her, his hands in his pockets, and a scowl on his face. “I’m sorry, mom.”

The twins squeezed past them, covered in grass and dirt, and ran for the stairs in a flurry of mischievous giggles.

Monica tracked them with her eagle eyes. “I almost flattened Tyler like a pancake,” she hissed.

“I saw,” Sam said with a wince. “Sorry.”

Monica muttered angrily under her breath as Brian slipped through the door at last. He spotted Shaun on the couch immediately and his eyes brightened with excitement. He dropped his little school bag by the door and hurried into the room.

Monica followed Brian’s journey to the couch as he flopped on the cushion between Jesse and Shaun. Her narrowed eyes turned on Jesse next. “Why weren’t you keeping an eye on them?” she snapped.

“I— I didn’t know they were alone. I thought Sam was watching them,” Jesse glanced at his brother, but Sam was glaring at Shaun and Brian.

“He was sitting on the stoop, playing with his phone while Tyler and Allison ran through the streets!” Monica cried.

“They were playing soccer,” Sam grumbled.

Monica ignored him. She walked around the couch and plopped the baby in Jesse’s lap, right on top of the controller.

“Mom! Come on!” Jesse groaned, but Monica stopped him with a single look.

“Both you and Sam are acting so immature,” she said sharply. “But I’m especially disappointed in you, Jesse.”

Jesse’s eyes went wide. “Me?”

“I’m expecting you to fix an actual dinner, get everyone in the bath, and keep an eye on the kids, Jesse,” Monica said sternly. “I need you to act like an adult tonight.”

Jesse sighed and dropped the controller. He settled Lissa in his lap and pulled her close to his chest.

“I have to go,” Monica said, then she turned and briskly left the house.

“Your mom’s a bitch,” Shaun said casually, and Brian giggled. “Don’t repeat that, dummy,” Shaun said fondly. “That’s a word for the big kids.”

“Okay!

“I’ll get the twins in the bath,” Sam said loudly.

Jesse glanced at him and saw a disgusted look on his face as he turned to cross the room. He watched over Lissa’s head as his brother took the stairs.

“How was daycare?” Shaun asked Brian.

“Everyone got candy today because it was some boy’s birthday,” Brian said excitedly, and Jesse turned back to the conversation on the couch. “He was really nice and brought extra, but the bully in my class, Colt, he started taking people’s candy, because he wanted even more for himself and his friends.”

“What a jerk,” Shaun said.

“Yeah!” Brian bounced in the narrow space between the older teens. “He waited until we were on the playground to take mine, but I was ready for him,” he said in a rush. “I pushed him down on the blacktop and he scraped his elbows and knees real bad.”

“Wait, you pushed somebody?” Jesse sat the baby on the floor and turned to the grinning toddler beside him. “Did you get a demerit?”

“Nope!” Brian proudly puffed out his chest. “I proved he was stealing candy and that I was sticking up for myself.”

“Oh, wow!” Jesse cheered as he patted the toddler on the back. “That’s awesome!”

“I got a sticker for saving the day and I put it on my assignment book at school.”

Shaun ruffled his hair. “Good job sticking up for yourself.”

“That’s what you would have done,” Brian said with a huge grin. “I was thinking of you when I did it.”

Shaun smiled back at him. “We’re proud of you kid.”

Brian hopped off the couch and edged around the wobbly baby seated in front of the couch. He ran to his bag and rummaged through the front pocket. “Do you want some of my candy?” he asked as he pulled out handfuls of bite-sized candy bars. “I have tons. Everybody started giving me free candy when Colt when to the nurses office.”

Shaun chuckled darkly, but he shook his head. “No thanks. Jesse’s got to make us dinner soon anyway.”

“Alright.” Brian’s face fell. “Maybe later.”

“Waaa,” Lissa babbled from the floor and Jesse stood and scooped her up.

“What are we eating?” Brian asked as he popped a Snickers in his mouth.

“I don’t know how I’m going to beat a bag of candy.” Jesse frowned at the toddler. “How about French toast?”

“Oh yum!” Brian set his bag down and hopped around the couch like a bunny-rabbit. “I love French toast!”

The four of them migrated to the kitchen and Shaun was given the arduous task of watching both Lissa and Brian. He was noticeably uncomfortable holding Lissa, but he didn’t complain.

Jesse started cooking immediately. He wasn’t waiting for Sam and the twins. He could keep their portion warm in the microwave. He whipped up some eggs, milk, and cinnamon sugar in a bowl, dipped some bread into the batter, then added it to the hot frying pan. He already had eggs and bacon cooking on the side. Breakfast for dinner!

“Hold her like this,” Brian instructed, and Jesse glanced over his shoulder.

Shaun sat at the table with Lissa against his chest. Brian knelt in the chair beside him, adjusting Shaun’s arms like he was an expert.

“Shut up, kid. I can do it myself,” Shaun grumbled as he bounced Lissa under his chin.

Jesse smiled as he turned back to the stove to flip the toast.

“Here, let me show you,” Brian insisted. “I know what I’m doing. I hold her all the time.”

“Bullshit.”

“You’re doing it wrong—Whaa! Nooo!”

“Grrrr!”

Jesse turned his head and laughed. Shaun had both children cradled to his chest now. The baby was tucked securely in one arm while the other was banded around Brian’s middle. The toddler giggled as he kicked his feet ineffectively. He wasn’t going to escape and that seemed to amuse him more.

Shaun laughed as he swung the kids around. “You’re a brat. Do you know that?”

“No!” Brian screeched with laughter. “I’m amazing!”

Lissa started laughing, too, and Jesse’s heart swelled with the warm domesticity of the scene. He turned back to the stove as Shaun set Brian back on his feet and ordered him to sit back in his chair again. He flipped the two finished slices of toast on a plate and added a small portion of eggs and two slices of bacon.

He took everything to the table and set it in front of Brian. “Eat up,” he said, handing the toddler a fork.

“Thank you!” Brian said excitedly as he reached for the syrup in the middle of the table.

Jesse stepped up behind Shaun and lifted the baby out of his arms.

Shaun looked around in surprise. “I could have dropped her, idiot.”

“But you wouldn’t,” Jesse said confidently as he went to the head of the table and sat Lissa in her baby seat. He slid next to the highchair and leaned over the table so he could get down in Shaun’s face.

Shaun glared at him. “Did you need me to finish dinner now?”

“Could you?” Jesse smirked. “That’d be nice if you cooked for me for once.”

“I don’t cook,” Shaun said. “Ever.”

Jesse laughed. “How many pieces of French toast do you want?”

“However many your having.”

Jesse smiled affectionately at the glowering boy across from him. Before he was even conscious of the decision, he leaned in and kissed Shaun’s soft lips.

Behind them, Brian started to giggle.

Shaun ripped away and there were spots of color high on his cheeks.

Jesse licked his lips and glanced nervously at the toddler, but Brian went cheerfully back to his meal. Jesse had been expecting questions, but Brian stuffed a big piece of French toast in his mouth and chewed with relish.

Jesse went back to the stove without comment. He regretted they couldn’t make out whenever they wanted, but he couldn’t really find it in himself to be upset.

Shaun cleared his throat as Lissa began to babble in her highchair. “I have band practice tomorrow.”

Jesse perked up. “Are you actually inviting me?”

Shaun huffed. “I wouldn’t have told you about it if I wasn’t.”

Jesse turned from the stove and fluttered his eyelashes at Shaun. “I feel so honored.”

“Are you coming or not?” Shaun glowered at him.

“I’d love to,” Jesse said with a laugh. “Are you kidding me?”

Shaun nodded and turned away to help with the syrup. It was spilling over the edge of the plate.

“There’s paper towels by the microwave,” Jesse sang as he turned back to the stove and added two more slices of bread to the frying pan.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. Jesse wanted to sneak Shaun upstairs so they could smoke in his room again, but it never happened. After everyone ate, there was a huge mess to clean up in the kitchen. Jesse sent the kids into the living room and tackled the dishes with Shaun’s help. Shaun grumbled unhappily through the whole thing, but it took half the time and Jesse was super happy when everything was done.

Afterwards, Jesse had Brian take a bath while he gave Lissa a quick wash in the sink. Shaun wanted no part in this particular chore and he waited downstairs with Sam and the twins.

When the babies were dressed again, Jesse took them downstairs and ordered the twins up to their room for the night.

“You don’t have to lay down, but it’s quiet time,” Jesse said.

“Quiet time?” Allison whispered to Tyler as they hopped off the couch.

“He just wants to get rid of us,” Tyler said, glaring at Jesse as they passed. “Come on. I’ll show you that new world in Minecraft.”

The twins raced upstairs, and Jesse turned to Sam next. He sat across the room in the armchair in front of the window. He was busy with his phone, but he seemed to sense Jesse’s gaze and he looked up boredly.

“Can you clear out for a while?” Jesse asked. “We’re going to watch a movie.”

“Whatever,” Sam muttered as he got up. He jogged upstairs and disappeared down the hall, silent like a ghost.

Jesse put Lissa in the bouncer next to the TV then sat on the couch next to Shaun and Brian. Shaun looked at him questioningly over the toddler’s head.

“What?”

“You didn’t have to do all that,” Shaun said. “Your asshole siblings weren’t being half bad tonight.”

Jesse shrugged and turned the channel on the TV. He picked a movie for everyone to watch. Something with violence, even though he knew he shouldn’t. He wanted to appease everyone.

As the movie progressed, Jesse stretched his arm across the back of the couch, behind Brian, and slid his fingers into Shaun’s hair.

Shaun looked at him sharply.

“Why did he do that?” Brian asked curiously as the hero threw himself under the train. It rushed over him as dramatic music played in the background.

“I don’t know.” Shaun blinked at the TV as Jesse began to scratch his fingernails over his scalp. His eyes fluttered. “Oh, look. There’s a trap door.”

“Cool,” Brian said, but the movie wasn’t actually cool. They were only ten minutes in, but so far the dialogue stank, the fight scenes were bogus, and the sound effects were really bad.

Shaun relaxed as Jesse continued to play with his hair and massage his scalp. Slowly, he leaned his head back and let his eyes fall closed. He was in total bliss, the look on his face said it all, and eventually he fell asleep like that. When he started snoring, Jesse pulled his hand away with a chuckle. Brian was next. The movie was boring, and he leaned against Jesse as his eyelids got heavy. Lissa watched the bright colors flash on the screen for another fifteen minutes before she too, slouched in her bouncer seat and passed out.

Jesse leaned back and closed his eyes too, but he was smiling too hugely to fall asleep. He’d had such a miserable week, but tonight had been almost perfect. He stretched his arms over his head as he considered pinching himself, but then, he might wake up.

Monica came home twenty minutes later and the sound of her coming through the door jolted Shaun into consciousness. He gripped the arm of the chair as he looked around in a panic. Jesse hadn’t been sleeping but he sat upright, so he looked alert. Brian’s head lolled against his shoulder as he blinked his eyes open unhappily.

“Where are the twins?” Monica asked as she set her bag by the door.

“Upstairs,” Jesse said as he stroked Brian’s hair out of his face. “Playing Minecraft. It’s okay,” he whispered to the toddler. “It’s bedtime anyway.”

Monica stepped around the couch to gather Brian in her arms. “That’s right,” she said as she lifted the drowsy toddler onto her hip. “Bedtime!” Brian’s head was drooping, but he hung onto her like a monkey. Monica walked to the TV next and plucked Lissa out of her bouncer chair. “Time for bed, little ones!” she sang. “Couldn’t come a moment sooner,” she muttered under her breath as she started for the stairs.

Shaun glanced at Jesse. “I fell asleep?”

Jesse smiled and moved closer. “I was playing with your hair when you zonked out.”

Shaun sat up and cleared his throat. “I should probably get out of here.”

“You could spend the night,” Jesse said sweetly. “My mom wouldn’t care.”

“Fuck no.” Shaun’s expression darkened. “That’s a stupid idea.”

“I don’t know why it’s stupid.”

“Too many kids.” Shaun shook his head.

“They sleep most of the night, you know,” Jesse huffed.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow,” Shaun said as he stood up. “Before practice.”

“Sure you won’t forget this time?” Jesse asked with a faint smile, but Shaun was already heading for the door.

“See you tomorrow,” he said over his shoulder.

Jesse sighed as he watched Shaun slip into the night. He wished he could have gotten a goodnight kiss at least.

The next morning, he woke to an empty house.

When Jesse went downstairs for breakfast, there was a note on the kitchen table.

I took everyone to the mall. We’ll be home after lunch.

Love, Mom

He breathed a sigh of relief. Freedom!

Jesse poured a bowl of cereal and took it to the living room. He ate in front of the TV as he debated going to Shaun’s house early, but after pondering for a bit, he decided against it.

He washed his bowl, turned off the TV, then went upstairs to take a shower. He washed his hair, then stepped under the water to soap himself up. When he was clean, he eagerly jerked off to the memory of Shaun and his hot kisses from yesterday. It didn’t take long to reach orgasm and Jesse’s wanton cries filled the stall as he painted the tiled wall with his semen.

Once he’d dried off and brushed his teeth, he got dressed for the day in his room. A fitted tee and jeans. The usual. He combed his hair then spent a minute practicing goofy smiles in the mirror.

It was a slow morning without anyone to distract him. He smoked some weed, messed around on the X-box for a while, then made a sandwich in the kitchen. He flopped on the couch as he pulled up the TV menu. He scanned 500 channels, but found nothing of interest.

He picked a soap opera at random, something mindless and distracting, and consumed the salami sandwich with little enjoyment.

He’d just finished his sandwich when there was a knock at the door. He swallowed his last bite as he looked over his shoulder. Hope seized his heart and he leapt up to answer it.

When he pulled the door open, his heart fell immediately

“Hi, sweetie,” Kyle said as he slipped inside. He wore all white today. A long, gauzy white shirt and white cotton pants. He had sandals on, and he looked like a comfortable man of leisure, not the gay boy from the scummy house in the boondocks he’d taken Jesse to.

“Uhhh. Kyle,” Jesse said uneasily. “What a surprise.”

Kyle took one look at Jesse’s disappointed face and smirked. “Not expecting me?”

“Not really,” Jesse muttered.

“I’m dying to know.” Kyle glided into the room and stopped in front of the couch. He turned to Jesse with his face alight. “What happened last night?”

“I can’t tell you anything,” Jesse said and when Kyle immediately opened his mouth to protest, Jesse was happy to talk over him. “He doesn’t want me to tell you anything personal. It’s something we talked about last night.”

Kyle blinked owlishly.

“If he ever finds out I told you about that kiss, he’ll kill me.” Jesse nervously licked his lips. “And then you, probably. Just to get rid of the witnesses.”

“What else did you talk about last night?”

“You.” Jesse narrowed his eyes. “He knows you love him. But he couldn’t care less.”

Kyle folded his arms around himself and dropped his eyes.

Jesse sighed and stepped closer, but let the couch form a barrier between them. “Please, don’t mention to Shaun that you know about the kiss.”

Kyle looked up solemnly and placed a hand over his chest. “Cross my heart.”

Jesse took a deep breath. “And you can’t tell anyone anything I told you about Shaun,” he said adamantly. “I don’t want him to think I’m starting rumors.”

“Your secrets are safe with me.”

Jesse nodded. “Now, I hate to be rude, but—”

Kyle sprawled back on the couch with a sigh.

Jesse rounded the couch so he could see Kyle’s face. He frowned. “What are you doing on my couch?”

Kyle smiled up at him. “You’re seriously not going to tell me a thing? After I came all this way?”

“That’s on you.” Jesse narrowed his eyes. “I didn’t ask you to come!”

Kyle pressed his hands together. “Can’t you tell me anything that happened?”

Jesse glared at him. “Nothing happened.”

“He nearly broke my ribs he was so upset,” Kyle said gleefully. “There’s no way you guys didn’t have angry sex.”

Jesse shook his head. “Nope.”

Kyle sat up and stared at Jesse until he felt his face start to get hot, then Kyle smirked. “You look like you got fucked.”

“I do not!” Jesse cried.

“I love how red your face is right now!” Kyle laughed as he stretched out a hand to touch Jesse’s face. “It’s hilarious how embarrassed you get. Can I feel? Please? I bet your burning up right now.”

Jesse smacked his hand away. “No.”

Kyle pouted. “I’m honestly here to help you,” he said as the amusement faded from his expression. “I’m your friend.”

Jesse shook his head. He didn’t want to betray Shaun’s trust. “No, Kyle.”

“Alright,” Kyle was visibly disappointed. “Maybe later.”

Jesse pressed his lips together. He had nothing more to say, and Kyle left soon after, disgruntled.

Jesse watched from the living room window as Kyle’s car pulled out of the driveway. He knew he’d done the right thing.