Permanently Black and Blue - 10. Chapter 10

It was another forty minutes before Shaun dragged himself out of Jesse’s bed.

Jesse sat up, a little pout on his face. “Where are you going?”

“Bathroom.” Shaun snatched his clothes from the floor. He could feel Jesse’s eyes on him, looking him over like he was some sort of spectacle, and he piled his clothes in his arms and stuffed his feet in his shoes. ”I need my clothes back, by the way,” he murmured. “You have my boots.”

“They’re in my bag downstairs.” Jesse plopped back on the pillows. “Hurry up! I miss your warm body.”

Shaun flushed as he slipped into the hall. When he reached the bathroom, he shut the door firmly behind him.

As he stepped up to the sink, he caught his reflection in the mirror. He ran a finger over the bruise on his cheek, but his eyes didn’t go any lower. He was ugly. He hated looking at himself. He couldn’t imagine anyone could ever love someone as flawed as he was…

That’s why Jesse’s confession made him so uncomfortable. Jesse’s love made Shaun feel like he was naked all the time. He was constantly unsure of himself and about how he was supposed to act and think and feel.

Shaun looked critically at his hand as he turned on the faucet. Revenge had been the only thing on his mind yesterday when he’d beaten the shit out of that locker, and when he’d visited Kenny and Eric after school, but now he was regretting it and he blamed Jesse in a large part for what had happened. He was going to have to cancel the show tonight and he’d never done that before, but his playing wasn’t going to be up to par. Shaun didn’t want to embarrass himself and the band. That would be worse than a no-show.

With a deep sigh of resignation, he leaned over the sink and splashed water at his groin. His cock and balls were crusted with the remnants of their sperm and he quickly washed the mess away.

He moved on to his T-shirt once he was clean. The black cotton had stiff, white stains around the hem, and he looked around the tiny room before he spotted a hand towel on the rack. He grabbed it, got it wet, and then added some hand soap. He laid his shirt out on the counter and vigorously scrubbed the stain. When he was done, it looked like he’d spilled a drink in his lap, and he wished he could go home to change but knew Jesse would whine like a baby if he did.

He pulled on his stained shirt and the rest of his clothes, scowling at Jesse and their stupid gay relationship as he dressed. He turned to exit the room and caught his reflection in the mirror again as he grasped the doorknob. He pulled a terrible face at himself, then opened the door and ran right smack into a very naked and very antsy redhead.

“I’ve gotta piss,” Jesse said as he hurried to the toilet. He flipped the seat up, grasped his cock, and released a strong stream into the bowl. “Aww…shit.”

Shaun knew he should leave, but he leaned against the doorjamb and watched as Jesse emptied his bladder. He was slowly coming to terms with how much he liked looking at him and his gaze roamed over his naked body with appreciation.

“Enjoying the view?” Jesse chuckled as the stream slowed to a drip. He shook his dick off and turned to wash his hands at the sink.

Instead of answering, Shaun slid back into the room and stepped up behind him. Jesse was nearly a head shorter than him, but he tucked neatly just under Shaun’s chin. his whole body was smooth and hairless, and his limbs were slender and graceful. Shaun had a feeling he’d be dreaming about Jesse’s body every night now that he’d gotten such a good look. He could already picture his little body stretched across the bed, smeared with blood. His rosy pink cock straining to be touched even through the pain.

And that ass…

Shaun reached down and boldly grabbed Jesse’s warm asscheeks. “How the fuck did you get such a nice ass?” he wondered aloud, cupping the rounded globes and squeezing them firmly.

“I don’t know.” Jesse turned the water off with a laugh and braced his hands on the counter. He pushed his ass back into Shaun’s hands with a helpless moan.

Shaun took full advantage of the offer and groped Jesse’s pert cheeks. The flesh was warm and pliable in his hands. He couldn’t help himself. He smacked Jesse’s sweet little ass as hard as he could.

Jesse cried out. “Shaun!”

Shaun’s cock stiffened in his pants as he pressed impossibly closer. He licked Jesse’s throat and delicately nibbled his ear lobe. “You were born to be a fag,” he growled in his ear. “Your ass was made for fucking.”

“Shaun…” Jesse whimpered. “That hurt.”

“Mmm, good,” Shaun hissed, then looked over Jesse’s shoulder, at their reflection in the mirror. Jesse, his cock slowly stiffening, fit so neatly in his arms.

Shaun nuzzled Jesse’s throat and kissed his soft skin, but he wasn’t going to start something he couldn’t finish. School was due to let out any moment now and there was no way he was going to risk Jesse’s bratty little brother walking in on them.

Shaun spanked Jesse’s other asscheek, much softer this time. He pulled back after that and took a quick peek at his behind before he could turn around. Jesse had a nice red handprint marking his perfect butt. ”I’ve got to call Will,” he said, raising his gaze solemnly as Jesse flipped around and looked into his eyes.

“You broke your hand,” Jesse said slowly. “You can’t perform. He’ll understand.”

Shaun scoffed. He really had no idea how Will was going to take the news, but he probably wouldn’t “understand” like Jesse was expecting.

“You can use my cellphone,” Jesse said. “Or there’s a landline in the kitchen. It was cheaper to get satellite and internet bundled with the phone service, I guess,” he said helpfully.

Shaun scratched his fingers through his hair as he considered. He figured the landline might afford him a bit more privacy, but he was probably wrong. Jesse could follow him anywhere in this house. It wasn’t like he would find a better hiding spot downstairs. He didn’t even know where the fucking phone was, for Christ’s sake. He’d been in the kitchen a million times and he’d never seen a house phone.

“Where’s it at?”

“The phone in the kitchen?”

Shaun huffed. “Yes.”

“It’s weird, the phone line comes in through the pantry,” Jesse said. “It’s that little closet in the kitchen.”

Shaun nodded and left the room to investigate. He went down to the kitchen, located the pantry, and pulled open the folding doors. Just inside the door, there was a cordless phone next to the shelves.

Shaun rarely called Will’s cell, but he knew the number by heart. He memorized it a year ago, when he’d picked it up on a Craigslist ad for guitarists. Shaun had watched the page for days, waiting for it to disappear, for the chance to pass him by. He’d known the number backward and forward by the time he gathered the courage to call.

He punched in Will’s number and moved to the kitchen table. He drummed his fingers along the edge as he waited for Will to pick up. Shaun was sure he’d be angry. It was understandable. He should have called hours ago… when he’d realized his hand was too fucked to play. The show tonight was just a couple hours away, there was really no excuse for his procrastination.

The ringing stopped. “Hello?” Will grunted.

“Hey. Will.” Shaun forced a smile into his voice. “It’s Shaun.”

“Oh. You.” Will cleared his throat as the sound of rustling sheets and a muffled feminine voice floated through the receiver.

“Did you just wake up?”

“Yeah,” Will sighed. “Me and Danny went out last night and picked up a couple girls.”

“Fun.” Shaun drew circles on the laminate wood.

“Yeah. The pussy was soaking wet last night if you know what I mean.” Will snickered. “Or maybe, you don’t.”

“What?”

“You’re a fag, right?” Will scoffed “You and that friend of yours are fucking.”

“No, we’re not!” Shaun said hotly, but his stomach sank. When Will continued to laugh, Shaun slammed his fist on the table for emphasis. “I’m not fucking anyone!”

“Don’t lie,” Will drawled. “You can take it up the ass if you want, man. I always kind of suspected you were a closet case.”

“Shut up!” Shaun kicked one of the kitchen chairs and it skidded across the linoleum before toppling in front of the fridge. “I’m not a closet case!”

“Dude, me and Danny saw you guys giving each other handies the other night.”

“W-what?!” Shaun’s face turned flame red with embarrassment. They’d been caught. Again. Jesse had totally ruined his reputation. Everyone knew his secret now…

Will laughed again. “You fags are shameless.”

“Fuck you!” Shaun screamed.

“What’d you call for, man?” Will asked. “Do you need directions to the venue or something?”

Shaun grit his teeth. “No.”

“What do you want then? We’re supposed to meet up in four hours.”

Shaun clutched the phone in a death grip. “I’m not coming,” he said darkly. “I quit.”

“What?” Will snapped. “Fuck off, Shaun. You can’t quit on me tonight.”

“I just did,” Shaun sneered.

“Fucking cocksucker—”

Shaun launched the phone across the room, and it shattered against the wall in a spray of clunky plastic. He fumed as he stared at the remains of the cordless phone. All this strife, all this stupid conflict was because of Jesse. If Jesse had never insisted on being gay, if Shaun had been able to keep his desires under wraps…then none of this shit would be happening.

“Shaun?”

Shaun whirled around, his eyes automatically narrowing as he spotted Jesse in the entrance to the kitchen. There was no telling how long he had been standing there, listening, spying.

“Are you alright?” Jesse stepped warily into the room. “What happened?”

“Even the band knows we’re fucking around,” Shaun growled. “Everybody knows now.”

“Oh.” Jesse bit his lip. He was dressed again, and he wore a pair of fitted black jeans and a snug T-shirt. Shaun couldn’t stop himself from checking out Jesse’s tight body. He hated how addicted he was becoming to the other boy. It felt like a weakness.

“I wasn’t fucking thinking. Will started laughing. He called me a cocksucker…” Shaun cursed under his breath as Jesse watched him intently. Shaun couldn’t meet his eyes and he looked away as his expression twisted. “I quit,” he said bitterly. “I fucking quit the band.”

“You—you did?”

“Yeah,” Shaun said with a sigh.

Jesse worried his lip. He kept doing that and it was driving Shaun crazy.

He strode across the room and took Jesse’s chin between his fingers. “Stop that,” he said sharply. “You’ll make your lip bleed.”

Jesse met Shaun’s gaze under his eyelashes. “This is all my fault, isn’t it?”

Shaun took a deep breath. He wanted to be a dick and blame Jesse for everything, but that really wasn’t fair. Shaun had kissed Jesse first, after all. “It’s not entirely your fault,” he said, rubbing Jesse’s bottom lip with his thumb.

“Are you mad at me?” Jesse asked in a tiny voice.

“Yes,” Shaun admitted.

“Do you hate me?”

“A little.”

Jesse’s face fell. “So, you do hate me.”

Shaun scoffed as he lifted Jesse’s chin. “You’re an idiot,” he said, then he claimed Jesse’s mouth in a passionate kiss.

Jesse stretched up on his toes and kissed him back needily. He wrapped his arms around Shaun’s neck and moaned into his mouth as he clung for all he was worth.

In that moment, as Shaun held Jesse tightly to his chest, he was able to admit his true feelings to himself.

He loved Jesse. More than anyone or anything. It was stupid to think and impossible to say, but Shaun knew it was true.

He held Jesse in his arms for a long time as he stroked his silky hair. Everything was fucked. Nothing was ever going to be the same again, but for once, that thought didn’t scare him like it usually did. Both he and Jesse had been through a lot of shit in their short acquaintance and there was a lot more they’d have to go through, too, before it was over. But he wouldn’t have to face everything alone. Not anymore.

Jesse cleaned up the plastic bits from the phone and attempted to tape them together. He was marginally successful, and he danced around the living room as Shaun pulled on his boots. He’d finally gotten his clothes back and he was so grateful to get rid of the tennis shoes.

The kids started coming home shortly after the phone call. Sam first, then the twins.

Sam didn’t interact with anyone. He came home and threw himself in the armchair by the window. He buried his head in his phone and didn’t look up unless someone specifically addressed him. He was texting like mad and Shaun eyed him suspiciously, wondering if he was communicating with Kyle.

The tension between him and Sam was palpable, and when the twins arrived, Shaun and Sam were forced to sit by themselves while Jesse set the kids up with a healthy snack and found a baby show on the TV. Sam avoided eye contact, but Shaun couldn’t help glaring at the bratty teen every few moments.

“We’re going upstairs for a while,” Jesse told the twins once they were situated. “There’s a big test we have to study for on Friday.”

Across the room, Sam snorted with disbelief. He didn’t look up from his phone, but Shaun gave him the death glare anyway.

“Whatever.” Tyler’s eyes were glued to the TV. He had crackers crusted around his mouth and on his fingers.

“Okay,” Allison said sweetly and it was music to Shaun’s ears. He stood up and made his way to the stairs.

Jesse was a bit slower, but he followed Shaun up to the bedroom momentarily. ”I have a little weed left,” he said as he came into the room. “Do you want to smoke?”

Shaun smiled faintly. “Sure.”

Jesse got the shoebox with the weed and brought it to Sam’s bed. He packed a bowl and sparked up. “Who are we supposed to buy from now?”

“We’ll figure something out.” Shaun shrugged.

“Kyle had good shit,” Jesse said with a sigh, releasing the weed at the same time. “Here.” He held out the aluminum foil bowl.

Shaun crossed his arms. “I’m not laying on that bed.”

“Do you want to lay up top?” Jesse waggled his eyebrows.

Shaun nodded at the bare space between the bed and the dresser. “How about the floor?”

Jesse jumped up enthusiastically and handed Shaun the bowl. “I’ll throw some blankets and some pillows down! Good idea.”

Within minutes, the floor was a blanketed paradise. They covered the floor with the blankets, then used the pillows against the bed frame to make the seating more comfortable. They set up camp and found something to watch on TV as they finished up the last of Jesse’s weed. They started with court shows first, Judge Judy and the likes, but when the news came on Jesse switched to Ghost Hunters.

“I don’t want to go back to school tomorrow,” he said miserably, dropping the remote with a glum look on his face.

“You should drop out with me. That place is a waste of time, “Shaun said darkly, then took a hit from the bowl. He held it for a long moment as he watched a bullshit haunting play out on TV.

“So what’s your plan now?” Jesse gave him a sideways look. “You mentioned a couple times you were going to save some money so we could get a place.”

Shaun let out his lungful with a scowl. “I don’t know, Jesse.” This was their last bowl. Shaun didn’t have anything at home either and he wasn’t looking forward to sobriety. “I haven’t even had a chance to think yet.”

“Well, you quit your job,” Jesse said slowly. “If you can call it that.”

Shaun gave him the middle finger.

“How much were you making playing shows anyway?”

“Almost nothing,” Shaun said bitterly. “What’s your point?”

Jesse chewed his lip. “Getting a place is expensive. There’s more to it than a month’s rent.”

Shaun handed him the bowl back. “I know that.”

“I don’t think you do.” Jesse said. “There’s all kinds of bills and expenses that come up. Your grandma won’t be around to cook or do laundry anymore either.”

Shaun watched as he took a hit. “You’re coming with me, right? I’m not going to be totally on my own.”

Jesse snorted out the weed, then continued to laugh. “I can cook, but if you’re suggesting I get a job that’s another thing. I’m trying to finish high school. Maybe I can work part-time, but I want to get out with an actual degree.”

Shaun grumbled unhappily.

“Besides,” Jesse continued. “If I’m coming, Brian’s coming, too, and even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could support three of us on one paycheck.”

“Not this shit again.” Shaun rolled his eyes. “Why are you so obsessed with taking him with us?”

“I told you, Shaun,” Jesse said. “He’s my responsibility.”

“Yeah, but why?”

Jesse bit his lip and Shaun growled with frustration and caught Jesse’s chin again.

“That thing is never going to heal,” Shaun grumbled, pulling on his bottom lip to free it.

Jesse pulled away with tears in his eyes. “I’m really worried, Shaun. My mom’s definitely dating someone…”

Shaun threw his head back and groaned. “We’ve already had this conversation!”

“Mom’s got a terrible track record with men!” Jesse cried. “It’s always the same. She meets a guy, falls hard, then he suddenly cheats on her or she’s too much drama for him or he gets deported by ICE—”

Shaun raised an eyebrow. “What? “

“It’s not important,” Jesse hissed. “What’s important is that once my mom breaks up with these guys, we pack up and leave town. Every time.”

“Every single time?” Shaun pressed.

“I mean, we’ve moved for other reasons,” Jesse said evasively. “But mom breaks up with a new guy, like once or twice a year.”

“What a whore,” Shaun sneered.

Jesse laughed dryly. “I must have lived in twenty different cities since I was four or five… so, it must have been more than once a year.”

“Wow.”

“I’m just preparing,” Jesse whispered. “Because soon enough the bubble will burst, and mom will be on the real estate sites again.”

Shaun hesitated. “Wasn’t this your grandpa’s house?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Jesse shook his head. “Mom was going to sell this place anyway before she broke up with the last guy. This place was just convenient.”

“Jesse, I get it.” Shaun sighed heavily. “Your mom’s a world-class prostitute, but I think we’ve got enough time to figure it out before she’s called away again. You’re being extremely paranoid.”

Jesse sniffled. “I hope so.” He started to worry his lip again and Shaun grabbed his shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss.

It quickly got heated and the boys sank to the floor to resume their makeout session. Shaun got on top of Jesse and held his head still while he kissed his bruised lips. The tiny cut on Jesse’s bottom lip started to bleed again, and Shaun savored the metallic flavor on his sweet tongue. Jesse didn’t care. He moaned and withered below Shaun like a whore in heat. His cock was getting hard in his soft PJ pants and Shaun wondered if they had enough time for another round of sex. He was dying to get another BJ.

He pulled away and their lips separated with a wet, sucking sound. Shaun stroked Jesse’s reddened cheek, marveling at the softness of his skin. “Can you suck my dick again?”

Jesse gasped, and his pretty mouth pouted open. “Brian will be home any minute now.”

Shaun cursed. He’d totally forgotten the time… He started to climb off when Jesse arched up and quickly caught his lips.

“I’ll do it fast,” he said.

“What if he does come home?” Shaun snapped.

Jesse rolled out from under him. “We’ll tell him we’re playing a game.”

“What kind of game?” Shaun nervously licked his lips. “See-how-far-you-can-get-my-dick-down-your throat? Sounds thrilling.”

Jesse smiled and pressed a hand to Shaun’s chest. “Lay back, funny boy.”

Shaun rolled his eyes as he stretched back on the blankets.

“Sucking dick’s not as bad as I thought,” Jesse said as he settled between Shaun’s thighs and warmly rubbed his erection. “It’s a lot easier than going down on a chick.”

“Fuck you,” Shaun bared his teeth. “You’re a slut, you know that? Just like your mother.”

“Ouch.” Jesse unzipped Shaun’s fly and gently coaxed his pants down. Shaun’s large cock was exposed and it stuck straight up in the air, eager for attention. Jesse looked up at Shaun with a cute pout. “That was mean. Maybe I shouldn’t suck your dick.”

Shaun grabbed the back of his head and pushed him down. “Open your mouth, Jesse. And shut up.”

Jesse’s shoulders shook with amusement as he sucked just the tip of Shaun’s pulsing dick into his mouth. He grabbed the base with a firm hand as his lips wrapped around the sensitive head.

Hot wetness engulfed the tip of Shaun’s cock and he tilted his head back with a groan. Then, there was a rush of cold air and Shaun looked up in disappointment.

Jesse held his big dick just below his smiling mouth. “I love you, baby.”

“I said shut up,” Shaun growled, pushing Jesse back onto his needy cock.

Jesse sucked the length into his mouth and worked the first few inches with his lips and his tongue. He stroked the shaft with his hand and flexed his fingers to add pressure. He found a rhythm. It was slow, but he bobbed his head with confidence.

The pleasure was incredible, and Shaun closed his eyes as Jesse took his time with his cock. He combed his fingers through Jesse’s hair as he listened to the soft sucking sounds Jesse made with his wet lips. His cock twitched with intense arousal and he sobbed as he pressed his head back into the pillows.

Tap, Tap

“Shaun?” The door swung open and Ben stepped into the room. “Hey, Shaun, I—” He stopped, and his eyes widened in shock as he took in the sight of Jesse’s lips stretched around Shaun’s dick. He promptly covered his eyes. “Oh God, I’m sorry!”

“Fuck!” Shaun shoved Jesse out of his lap and Jesse’s jaw locked up in surprise and he bit down on Shaun’s cock. “Ow! Shit!”

“Oh! Are you okay?” Jesse grabbed his thigh.

“Get off!” Shaun growled as he rushed to cover his lower half. He fumbled his jeans up from a seated position, cursing when he grazed his throbbing member. Jesse’s teeth hadn’t broken the skin, but the combination of pain, the shock of Ben’s unannounced arrival, and the frustration of blue balls was a nauseating mix.

Ben politely kept his eyes covered as Jesse wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Shaun quickly buttoned up his jeans, scowling.

“Is it okay?” Jesse whispered.

“No thanks to you.” Shaun elbowed him away and stood up. He aggressively kicked the blankets away.

“Super sorry.” Jesse straightened up and watched Shaun with his arms crossed. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Are you guys decent?” Ben asked as he looked between his fingers. Slowly, he removed his hands. His cheeks were colored a faint red

“What are you doing here?” Shaun huffed.

“Will called and told me you were, and I quote, ‘a cock loving, cum guzzler’.” He winced and Shaun rolled his eyes. “He said he was canceling the show tonight and that he’d kicked you out of the band.”

“He’s lying,” Shaun snapped. “I quit. He didn’t have time to kick me out.”

Ben quirked an eyebrow. “I know you guys had beef, but I can’t say I saw this coming.”

Shaun crossed his arms moodily.

Ben pushed a hand through his hair as his gaze shifted back to Jesse. He did a double take and his mouth dropped open. “What happened to your face?”

Jesse shrugged noncommittally as he began to collect the blankets. “School stuff. Its not important.”

Ben sniffed and changed the subject. “Your brother’s a trip, Jesse. He told me you were up here getting high and I got all pumped up to smoke.” He laughed awkwardly. “I walk in, smelling weed and get hit over the head with graphic butt sex instead.”

“Fuck you.” Shaun snarled. “Nobody’s having butt sex.”

Ben laughed and walked across the room for Sam’s bed. He sat back and made himself comfortable, stretching his legs out leisurely. “So, do you have any weed left?”

“Sorry,” Jesse said as he shook the blankets out.” We literally just smoked the last of it.” He folded the blankets lazily and tossed them on the top bunk. Then his face lit up. “My mom might have some beer in the refrigerator though, if you want.”

“What the fuck?” Shaun sneered. “You never offered me any.”

“You should have seen my mom the other morning,” Jesse laughed. “She doesn’t deserve any beer. You can have some, too, if you want.”

Shaun rolled his eyes again as he leaned against the desk. He wasn’t going to swipe someone else’s beer.

“Yeah, thanks, but no thanks,” Ben said in agreement as his eyes drifted to the TV. “Sweet. Ghost Hunters.”

“Dude,” Shaun huffed. “It was nice of you to drop by and everything, but what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Well,” Ben cleared his throat. “After that conversation with Will, I knew I had to talk to you. And since you don’t have a phone for some reason, I ended up here. It’s the only place I could think to find you.”

“Here?”

Ben smirked. “I meant next door.

“Great.” Shaun groaned. The next time he saw Ruth, she’d bug him about his dead-beat friends again. It was inevitable.

“Your grandma’s a sweet lady,” Ben said with a laugh. “She sent me this way. Said you’d probably be here.”

“Yeah, well you’ve found me,” Shaun snapped.” But I hate to disappoint you, I don’t need your help. I quit and I’m not backing down. I don’t need Will’s shitty band anymore. “

“Oh,” Ben smiled. “I’m not here about that.”

Shaun glared at him. “What do you want, then?”

Jesse looked between them with wide eyes. “Oh my God, you quit, too. Didn’t you?”

Shaun took another look at the bassist. He raised an eyebrow in question.

“Yep,” Ben said casually. “I was thinking about doing it for a while now. That stupid phone call was the last straw.”

Shaun blinked in amazement. “No shit.”

“What do you think about starting our own thing?” Ben grinned. “Did you ever see yourself fronting a band?”

Shaun huffed while, behind him, Jesse cheered in encouragement.

“I’ve been pushing him to start his own band for days now.”

“I’m a guitarist,” Shaun said through his teeth. “I don’t write songs—”

“What about Miss Stevens?” Jesse perched on the edge of the bed beside Ben. “Our English teacher thinks Shaun’s an amazing writer,” he said with a smirk.

“Shut up, Jesse!” Shaun’s face was flame red.

“I believe you,” Ben said, completely ignoring Shaun’s towering rage across the room. “Shaun rewrites Will’s songs all the time. He changes the music around, the guitar parts, the bass parts, too and Will hates it.”

Jesse laughed. “I’m sure.”

“I can’t sing,” Shaun growled.

“I beg to differ,” Ben said smartly. “You’ve got the death metal vibe down to a science. Your voice is brutal.”

Shaun bared his teeth at him. “And who’s going to drum?”

There was a curious twinkle in Ben’s eyes. “I know the perfect person,” he said.” My sister-in-law…well, she’s going to be my sister-in-law, anyway. She’s a percussionist.”

“Yeah, okay.” Shaun snorted with amusement. He didn’t even bother to mention that girls couldn’t drum.

“I’m sure I can get her to come out this weekend,” Ben said. “Then the three of us could have a little jam session.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea to put a session together so soon?” Jesse asked. “I don’t want Shaun to get discouraged,” he said, nodding in Shaun’s direction. “He messed up his hand the other day.”

Ben looked up, but Shaun hid his hand behind his back before he could see.

“I won’t get fucking discouraged,” Shaun hissed.

“It’ll be fine,” Ben said easily. “We’ll bullshit and toss some ideas around. No pressure.”

“That’s exactly what he needs,” Jesse said excitedly. “Some room to grow. I only talked to Will a couple times, but he’s obviously obsessed with himself. The band isn’t high on his list of priorities.”

“He’s easily the worst part of the band,” Ben agreed. “He’s a misogynistic asshole, a sloppy drunk…And he’s stuck in the past. He’s obsessed with his tired-ass glory day stories.”

“I gotta admit. Some of his stories were pretty funny,” Jesse said.

“Maybe the first time around.” Ben shrugged. “And fucking Danny. What a joke. If he put half the effort into drumming that he puts into getting laid, he might actually make something of himself.”

Shaun listened to Ben and Jesse criticize the old band. It was totally surreal. Somehow, they thought they could do better…

“Execute Invasion is a waste of time,” Ben complained. “We play shitty covers in grungy dive bars. That’s our thing,” he said. “Will likes to pretend we’ll get famous one day, but it’ll never happen.”

“Jesse!”

Jesse looked up as Brian rushed into the room, tears streaming down his little face. He faltered when he saw Ben on the bed beside him, but he didn’t stop his approach.

“Oh, god, my mom’s home,” Jesse muttered under his breath, then stood to gather the toddler in his arms. “How are you doing, buddy? I missed you.”

“I missed you, too!” Brian wailed into Jesse’s hair. He had his head buried in Jesse’s neck and he clung to him like he never wanted to let go. “I thought I’d never come home!”

Jesse met Shaun’s eye’s over Brian’s shoulder as he rubbed the toddler’s back.

“Who’s this?” Ben asked curiously.

“This is Brian,” Jesse said, smiling wryly. He moved back to the bed and sat with the boy in his lap. “He’s the second youngest in the house.”

“Hello.” Ben smiled gently. “Nice to meet you, Brian. I’m Ben.”

Brian looked up shyly. “Hi.”

“Ben is one of our good friends,” Jesse said. “He’s in Shaun’s band.”

“Was,” Shaun muttered.

“Not true,” Ben spoke up cheerfully. “We’re still in a band together. A brand new one.” He smiled hugely. “I’ve got a good feeling about this.”

“I don’t,” Shaun grumbled.

Ben bounced off the bed with a laugh and cuffed Shaun on the shoulder. “Relax, Doom and Gloom. Actually, we should celebrate. You up for some drinks?”

Shaun perked up a little. “I could go for a couple rounds.”

Ben turned back to the bed and waggled his eyebrows at Jesse. “How about you?”

“You guys go ahead,” Jesse said as he rocked Brian back and forth against his chest. “I have to babysit. My mom’s probably waiting downstairs with the baby.”

“A baby lives here, too?” Ben’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. “There’s a whole flock of kids in this place.”

“Yeah,” Jesse said with a sigh. “And mom’s going back to finish her shift at the hospital, so…”

“I get you.” Ben laughed awkwardly. “Duty calls.”

“Yeah.” Jesse smiled wistfully.

Shaun lifted his chin. “I’ve got to stay, too.” He nodded at the TV even as Ben groaned with disappointment. “Predator’s on tonight. Brian loves that shit.”

Brian looked around with a shy smile.

“Aww, c’mon,” Ben whined. “It’ll be fun. I promise.”

“Shaun.” Jesse smiled softly. “You don’t have to stay. He’ll understand.” He brushed Brian’s hair back and kissed him on the brow. “Go have fun. You deserve it.”

Shaun’s resolve was crumbling. He felt bad for the toddler and he was also hoping to finish that BJ, but the offered alcohol was tempting. “You’ll be at school tomorrow?” he asked Jesse.

“Of course.”

“Alright.” Shaun nodded. “I’m game.”

Jesse gently extracted himself from Brian’s grasp and got off the bed. He looped his arms around Shaun’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Brian giggled in the background and Shaun struggled through it. Jesse’s lips were soft and warm, but he knew people were watching them. He couldn’t enjoy it. He pulled away and quickly wiped his mouth.

Ben smiled at them delightedly. “Cute.”

Shaun scowled and shrugged off Jesse’s arms.

Brian had left the bed and he immediately latched onto Jesse’s free hand as he watched Shaun with his big blue eyes. They reminded Shaun strongly of Jesse. It was uncanny.

Jesse looked down at the toddler in surprise but then smiled. He turned back to Shaun, his eyes glittering with affection. “See you in the morning,” he said softly.

“Shaun?” Brian asked shyly, swinging Jesse’s arm back and forth. “Can we watch your movie some other time?”

Shaun knelt down so he was eye-level with the boy. “I’ll be here tomorrow night. I promise. For real this time.”

Brian looked up at Shaun with his huge blue eyes. “OK,” he said in a little voice. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Shaun ruffled the toddler’s hair. “See you later, kid.”

Brian smiled at him hugely, then launched himself into his arms. “Bye Shaun.”

Shaun hugged him back tightly.

When the moment was over and Shaun stood up, he saw Ben watching him with big, mopey eyes and he grabbed the bassist by the back of his neck. “Let’s go,” he demanded, before Ben could get emotional. “Bye Jess,” he said over his shoulder as he steered Ben out of the room. He let him go as soon as they got to the hallway.

In the living room, Sam sat on the couch by himself. The baby was in the bouncer and the twins’ voices floated from the kitchen. The TV was on, but Sam was absorbed with his phone. He didn’t look up when Shaun and Ben came down the stairs.

“Where’s your mom?” Shaun sneered.

“Gone,” Sam said as he typed on his phone. “She was in and out in two minutes flat. I counted.”

Shaun glared at the teen as he crossed the room. He was glad he didn’t have to deal with Monica, at least.

Ben stopped in front of the couch. “Thanks for letting me in earlier,” he said.

Sam grunted.

“What are you watching?” Ben looked back at the TV and Shaun sighed. He was already at the door and grabbed the brass handle with impatience.

“Nothing good,” Sam said boredly.

“Um, okay…” Ben glanced over the couch at Shaun and he frantically waved him over. “Well,” Ben hedged. “Have a good night, I guess.”

Sam stared at his phone as Ben rounded the couch and joined Shaun at the door.

Outside, Ben’s car was in the driveway. They got in and Shaun fidgeted with the tear on his jeans as he waited for Ben to start the engine. He didn’t want to discuss anything that had gone on inside, but he didn’t know how to fill the silence.

“I had no idea you were so good with kids,” Ben said as he turned the keys in the ignition. “Jesse’s little brother wasn’t scared of you or anything,” he laughed.

“Christ…” Shaun flushed. “I hate kids. Brian’s just different.”

“My kid will be different, too,” Ben said. “When Angela’s ready to squirt one out, maybe you can babysit.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

Ben laughed and dropped the kid topic. Shaun started to relax, especially when Ben asked for directions to the closest bar in town. They settled for a dive bar ten minutes away. Shaun and his grandparents came for dinner on the rare occasion, so he was familiar with the place.

It was getting dark and they parked along the brick building under a brilliant security light, then went inside.

The entrance was crowded with automatic lotto machines. The bar was a narrow section around it and the kitchen was through a door behind the bar. The dining room was at the very back. The room was long and narrow, but both sides of the room had booths and there was a lot of seating.

The bar was jammed with regulars. Maybe a dozen different men of varying ages sat on stools and leaned against the bar. The dining room had a few customers, as well. An older couple sat on the same side of the booth up front and a pair of women sat two tables back, talking in quiet voices. A young guy in a wife-beater ate a bowl of chili near the back.

Shaun led the way to the far back corner, past the ladies and the guy eating chili. The booths back here were lit with dim wall sconces and Shaun preferred the low lighting. It offered a fair bit of privacy.

He calmly surveyed the scene as he sat with his back against the wall. Nobody paid them any attention and he relaxed.

Ben idled next to the table. “What do you want? I’m buying?”

“Whatever you’re having.” Shaun shrugged.

Ben turned back for the bar as Shaun made himself comfortable in the booth. He returned momentarily and slid a huge, foamy glass of beer in front of Shaun. “Drink up,” he said, then took the seat across from him as he pulled a similar drink in front of himself. “You need to relax.”

“Fuck you, I am relaxed,” Shaun snarled, then took a swig of his drink.

Ben leaned back in his seat as he studied Shaun. He smiled slowly. “So, you quit the band.”

Shaun took another long drink in agreement.

“Will’s toxic,” Ben said in a serious voice. “Jesse’s right, I think if you have some room to grow and a little encouragement, you could really take off.”

Shaun sneered at him. “What the fuck are you trying to butter me up for?”

“What?”

“Jesse’s in love with me,” Shaun huffed. “He loves everything about me, the music included,” he grumbled.

“That’s adorable!”

“Jesse’s extremely biased, was my point. I know why he’s got a stiffy for my music, but I don’t know what you’re getting out of all this false idolization,” Shaun growled.

“I’ve played with you for a year,” Ben said casually. “I know what your capable of. You’re an amazing guitarist.”

“I never said I wasn’t,” Shaun scowled. “But I never said I wanted to lead a band! I never said I could!”

“An amazing musician.” Ben clarified. “And I know you can do this. You’ve got the talent and I’m not saying that because I’m trying to suck your dick.”

Shaun gulped the rest of his beer in a single swallow, then set the glass down with a clink.

“You ooze musical talent, Shaun,” Ben said with a smile. “Anyone who’s watched you play can see it.”

Shaun spun his empty glass in a circle.

“You’re coming to my house Saturday,” Ben said adamantly.

Shaun made a face. “Who’s the girl you mentioned?”

“Gretchen?” Ben grinned. “She’s incredible. She’s been in other bands before, good bands, and she knows everybody. She’s my number one pick.”

Shaun glared into his glass. “Cool.”

“We’re going to start a band.” Ben nodded with determination. “Deal with it.”

“As long as you get me another beer,” Shaun said grumpily.

Ben chuckled and finished his beer. “Back in a sec,” he said as he got up to get another round.

For the next hour, they drank like fish while they talked about music. Ben got up several more times to refresh their drinks, but Shaun avoided the bar. He recognized the guy from past visits, and he stayed hidden in the back, getting up only twice to piss.

As the hour got later, the conversation shifted to different topics.

“So…things look like they’re going alright between you and Jesse,” Ben drawled. “You left in such a big hurry on Saturday, I thought you two had a fight.”

Shaun lifted his hand. “I got angry and punched a mirror.”

“Wow. That’s a lot of anger.” Ben’s mouth dropped open.

Shaun shrugged. “I also destroyed a locker at school. Then, I had to teach some stupid jocks a lesson after class.”

Ben blinked owlishly. “What do the other guys look like?”

“They’re missing teeth,” Shaun said proudly.

“What the hell did they do?”

“Ganged up on Jesse and beat the shit out of him,” Shaun growled. “They thoroughly deserved it.”

“That’s what happened to his face?” Ben winced. “Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever had to defend a girl’s honor like that. I’m kind of jealous.”

“You don’t need to impress girls. You’re halfway married,” Shaun snorted.

Ben looked into his drink. “I need to do something to get the spark back,” he said. “I haven’t slept with Angela in months.”

Shaun quirked an eyebrow. He didn’t know much about Ben’s fiancé. He’d only met her a few times, but he she and Ben had been engaged a little over a year. They were young, working professionals living in a big house in the suburbs. He didn’t know much else, besides Angela was a bitch. The handful of times he’d been around her, she’d been angry and sour-faced.

“I left my dirty underwear and socks in the bathroom this morning after my shower and Angela threw them in my face during breakfast. She said she wasn’t my mother and was sick of picking up after me.”

Shaun laughed into his drink. “Aww, already?”

“She’s always yelling at me.” Ben looked glum. “The dirty clothes are just the tip of the ice burg. Nothing I do is ever right.”

“Sounds like your marriage is dead in the water.” Shaun shook his head. “You should cancel the wedding.”

Ben’s face paled. “Angela would murder me.”

“I’d rather be dead than forced into a marriage.”

“She’s not forcing me.” Ben ran his finger around the rim of his glass. “I just wish I got laid more often.”

“I think Jesse would suck my dick anytime I wanted,” Shaun gloated.

“Lucky.”

“Maybe you should try guys,” Shaun joked.

“Maybe not,” Ben chuckled.

Shaun shrugged. He had no idea what to say. The female mind was a mystery. But, if he was Ben, he’d steer clear of a mean, frigid bitch.

Ben complained about his sex life for a while and Shaun listened sympathetically. While his appreciation for sex was newfound and tremulous, for once, he could understand where Ben was coming from.

It was past midnight when they finally cashed out and stumbled from the bar. Shaun was in high spirits. He’d enjoyed his time with Ben and was almost looking forward to Saturday. He didn’t know who this Gretchen chick was, but Ben vouched for her. She probably wasn’t a total waste of time.

Ben bitched about his fiancé on the drive back to Shaun’s.

“She asked for a massage the other day and I was so desperate to get my rocks off, I obliged,” he said. “So I started with her feet and she moaned and flexed her toes in my lap. I sprung an erection almost immediately, because I haven’t had another human touch my dick in forever.”

Shaun cringed. “Yeah?”

“All was going well,” Ben continued. “I ignored my stiffy and I worked my way up her calves. When I got up to her thighs, though, she sat up, took off her shirt, then laid down real quick so I could rub her back.”

“When was this?” Shaun asked. It sounded like Ben was about to get laid.

Ben sighed. “Last week.” He ran a hand over his face. “I must have touched her wrong or pressed too hard… or maybe she felt my erection.” Ben shook his head sadly. “I don’t know what happened, but suddenly, she rolled over, shoved me off, and leapt out of bed. ‘What’s wrong? What did I do?’ I asked, but she ran topless into the bathroom with tears in her eyes. She was in there for hours.”

Shaun snorted. “What?”

“She wouldn’t tell me what I’d done wrong. And in the morning, she was perfectly fine. It was like it’d never even happened,” Ben said wearily.

“Jesus,” Shaun said. “Are all girls like that? Finicky?”

“No.” Ben shook his head. “And Angela wasn’t always like this, either. We used to have great sex.”

“I thought it got bad after the wedding.”

“The wedding’s the only thing she’s excited about.” Ben grimaced. “We’re supposed to meet with the florist Sunday afternoon.”

“Eww.” Shaun wrinkled his nose.

Ben laughed at him.

They reached Shaun’s place and Ben pulled in the drive. He parked next to the porch and they sat for a moment in silence.

Ben looked across the lawn, toward Jesse’s house. The lights were off and the house was quiet.

“You should sneak over there and get the rest of that blowjob I interrupted.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “ I don’t think so.”

“Why not? He lives so close to you, you’re lucky,” Ben said and it was the second time that night he’d said something like that. Shaun was weirdly flattered. Nobody was jealous of Shaun. This had to be a first. “I used to sneak through my girlfriend’s bedroom window when I was in high school. We had sex all the time,” he said wistfully.

“Yeah, well, Jesse shares the bedroom with his teenage brother. That lovely kid you met on the couch earlier,” Shaun sneered. “And Brian sleeps in his bed sometimes, too. There’s too many people.”

“He’s got the Full-House thing going on.” Ben elbowed him.

Shaun pulled away from him with a scowl and opened the door. He could wait. Jesse would suck him again, of that, he was certain. He got out of the car.

“I’ll see you Saturday,” Ben said through the door. “You can come anytime after noon, but not too late. Angela will be livid if I’m up all night before we pick out flowers.”

Shaun nodded.

“Give me a call when you’re coming. You still have my number, right?”

“I have it written somewhere.”

“Great.” Ben smiled. “Good night, Shaun.”

Shaun climbed onto the porch as Ben backed out of the drive. The front door was open, and Shaun slid silently into the kitchen.

Ruth was asleep in the living room. She was probably waiting up for him.

He stood over the old woman for a moment, watching her snooze. Her heavy chest rose and fell rhythmically.

Shaun didn’t respect her wishes a lot of the time, but he knew he’d fucked up. He hadn’t checked in for almost eighteen hours.

“Grandma.” He nudged Ruth’s shoulder. She blinked her eyes open and sat up. The knitted blanket she’d knitted one winter slid from her lap and pooled on the floor.

“Shaun.” Ruth daintily cleared her throat. “Where have you been?”

“I was with Jesse,” Shaun said the first thing that came to mind and then, realizing the truth would be less implicating, he quickly amended his alibi. “I quit Execute Invasion. Me and Ben are starting a new band.”

“The boy that stopped by?” Ruth’s eyebrows rose into her gray hairline. “What a handsome young man. He’s in one of your heathen bands?”

Shaun smirked. He’d have to tell Ben. “I’m going to bed, grandma. I didn’t mean to stay out so late. Sorry.”

Ruth peered up at Shaun, her beady eyes narrowed. “You were drinking.”

“We were celebrating,” Shaun said.

Ruth tisked and waved a hand. “Get in bed, boy. You’ve got school in a few hours.”

Shaun tried not to laugh. “Goodnight grandma,” he said as he backed out of the room.

The bedroom was dark and quiet, and Shaun laid back on his bed, clothes and all. He toed his boots off as he looked blankly up at the ceiling and thought about the day.

Without making a conscious decision to do so, Shaun reached to his bedside table and took out his knife. He was in entirely the wrong state of mind to cut. He was uncomfortable and more than a little horny, but it had been so long, and he felt an itching need to spill his blood.

Shaun slid the blade deep into the flesh of his left pectoral. It didn’t feel as good as it usually did, but he enjoyed watching the blood well to the surface.

He touched the wound with his fingertips as it dripped down his chest and pooled in the hollow of his belly. It stung, but Shaun had always been interested in blood and pain and it wasn’t a bad feeling. He had never thought to tie the two with sex, but the sight of Jesse’s flawless, milky white skin had set his imagination into overdrive.

He wanted to cut Jesse. He wanted to make him bleed. He wanted to hurt him and make him cry. He loved Jesse dearly, but he couldn’t stop the urge to taste his blood again.

Shaun unzipped his jeans and wiggled out of his pants one handed. His erect cock sprang from its confines and he wrapped his bloodied fingers around the eager length.

Shaun fisted his cock and moaned as he began to stroke himself firmly. He looked down as the shaft was covered in red. He leaned over his hand as he pulled himself off and the blood dribbled across his thighs.

Shaun moaned, louder than necessary but he didn’t give a shit. He stroked his cock quickly and tried to imagine the bloody hand on his cock was Jesse’s instead of his own. In his fantasy, Jesse straddled his thighs as he pumped his arm and worked Shaun’s cock with his fist. He stared into Shaun’s eyes with a sultry gaze.

Shaun jerked his arm up and down at an erratic pace as he imagined Jesse releasing his hard, bloody cock, and raising himself onto his knees. He looked straight into Shaun’s eyes as he lowered himself onto his stiff cock and cried out in a potent mixture of pain and pleasure.

“Jesse!” Shaun milked his cock for all he was worth as come splattered across his belly and mingled with the blood pooled in his navel.

There was a sharp knock on the bedroom door. “Goodnight, Shaun,” Ruth said pointedly.

Shaun grunted, too exhausted to be embarrassed. He pulled the sheet out from under him and lazily covered his spent cock and the mess on his stomach. He wondered if Jesse would ever let himself be cut as he closed his eyes.

Morning came much too soon. There was no hope of sleeping in, however. Ruth pounded on Shaun’s door at 7:30 on the dot.

“I’ll not have you missing school again, young man!” Her shrill voice came through the door and it pierced Shaun’s ears. He rolled out of bed with a groan and wiped the dry bodily fluids from his stomach with his sheet. White flakes fell from his belly and disappeared into the dark brown carpet.

“Are you up yet?” Ruth shouted.

“Yes!” Shaun tore his dirty clothes off and tossed them on the floor. Ruth would clean up later. It was inevitable. There was no time to shower and he didn’t check his hair. He changed into cargo pants and a flannel shirt and shoved his feet into his boots. It was good enough.

Ruth waited in the hall with her arms crossed when Shaun opened the door.

“Christ, grandma,” he growled. “I have a fucking hangover.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Ruth followed him down the hall. Breakfast was sitting on the kitchen table and Shaun grabbed a slice of toast. Ruth watched with a scowl as he gobbled his food. “Pig,” she sneered.

“Fuck you,” Shaun said around his mouthful. “Where’s my bag?”

Ruth tossed him his backpack.

Shaun slung it over his shoulder as he drank his orange juice in a single large gulp. He burped afterwards. “See you later.”

Ruth cringed. “Stay out of trouble.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shaun muttered as he started for the door.

When he got on the bus, Jesse was over the moon to see him. The second he sat down, Jesse scooted closer and kissed him solidly on the lips.

“Jesse…” Shaun looked toward the front of the bus, at Sam, and the teen quickly turned away, but not before Shaun caught his look of disgust.

“Don’t worry about him,” Jesse said firmly, snuggling into his side. “He’s not going to bother us. He doesn’t care.”

“Little fucker called me a faggot.” Shaun glared at the back of the middle-schooler’s head. “I think he wants me to hit him.”

“Please don’t.” Jesse said nervously. “As long as he doesn’t tell mom about us, it doesn’t really matter if he calls us names. He’s my little brother. He’s supposed to do stuff like that.”

The bus stopped and Emily got on. Without her brother.

She took one look at Jesse and Shaun, snuggled in the back, and her face filled with hatred. She turned away and took a seat as close to the front – and as far away from Jesse and Shaun – as she could.

Jesse watched the girl’s reaction with a sad look on his face. “I don’t even know why I asked her out. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Shaun was silent. He’d said the same thing a million times, but Jesse had ignored him. Now he was suddenly coming to the same miraculous conclusion? How fucking annoying.

“I don’t even think I liked her, really,” Jesse said.

Shaun shoved him into the window, disgusted. “You don’t think?”

Jesse broke into a grin. “C’mon Shaun. You aren’t still jealous, are you?”

Shaun crossed his arms and glared out the opposite window.

The smile fell from Jesse’s face as he sat up. “I think I get into relationships expecting to break up and move away. I know they’re temporary. I never get too attached,” he said in a soft voice. “I moved to a new town, so I figured I needed a new girlfriend. I was just going through the motions,” he said with a sigh. “I never liked Emily to begin with. I was just using her.”

Shaun relaxed a little. “That…makes sense I guess.”

“I forgot to ask.” Jesse perked up. “How did your night out with Ben go?”

Shaun kept his expression neutral. “It was alright.”

Jesse’s blue eyes twinkled with mirth. “Did you guys bond?”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “More like we got wasted.”

“Oh, c’mon. Didn’t you talk anymore about your new band? Did you come up with a name?”

“Since we don’t have a single song yet, we figured we’d hold off on naming ourselves,” Shaun sneered.

“Yeah?”

Jesse looked so damn hopeful, Shaun relented. “I promised we’d meet up Saturday,” he said awkwardly. “We’ll see what happens.”

“Can I come?” Jesse pressed his hands together. “Please. I promise I won’t get in the way.”

“I guess…”

Jesse cheered. “You guys are going to be super famous.”

“Jess, we’re mostly doing this so we can play music. The money gets better with the fame, but it isn’t necessary,” Shaun said. He might get famous someday; he was striving for it anyway, but there was no way he was going to become a metal god when he was stuck at home with his grandparents.

But Jesse ignored him. “I can’t wait to see you on stage. Front and center!”

Shaun sighed heavily. There was no point in arguing. He wasn’t going to win.

When they got to school, Emily and her friends got up as a group. They sent disapproving looks over their shoulders as they got off the bus.

Shaun and Jesse waited to put some distance between them.

The little middle schoolers looked at them as they collected their bags and prepared to get off. Sam whispered to his two girlfriends and the three of them burst into laughter.

Shaun was familiar with the tactics used to shun and humiliate the outsider. He’d been on the receiving end of them for the majority of his life. As he and Jesse started down the aisle, he spared Sam a single glare as he strode past, loaded with years of pent up fury and rage and the teen’s laughter dried up in his throat. He was such a damned pussy and he turned away to hide his face between his girlfriends. They’d seen Shaun’s look, too, and they looked almost as nervous as Sam did.

“Shaun?” Jesse looked over his shoulder, but Shaun’s expression was back to normal.

“C’mon,” Shaun urged him forward and off the bus. “Let’s go.”

Once they were inside, Shaun took them to Jesse’s locker first and waited patiently while the other boy gathered his things. The mean looks were relentless, but Jesse was in a good mood despite the neverending parade of hate. Shaun could tell it bothered him, but he chatted pleasantly about his night with Brian as he slid his textbooks into his bag. He touched Shaun more than once, and grudgingly, Shaun allowed it.

Shaun was used to people hating him, but this felt different. He’d carried his parents’ memory like a burden since he was a child. He’d been branded with the stigma, against his will, and the whole town hated him because of it.

But Shaun had chosen to be with Jesse. He loved him. And if everyone hated him because of it, then they could all suck his cock because he didn’t care. He wanted Jesse in his life, no matter what these losers thought.

They went to Shaun’s locker next and Jesse continued to run his mouth, about Brian, about the new band, about anything that popped into his pretty little head and Shaun tried his best to keep up with his monologue. When they finished at his locker, they walked to Jesse’s class by silent agreement.

“Are you going to miss me?” Jesse asked as they neared the math classroom.

“Desperately.”

“We’ll only be apart fifty-five minutes,” Jesse giggled. “But I’ll be counting the seconds, too.”

Shaun grunted as he pulled to a stop outside Jesse’s homeroom.

Jesse smiled up at him wryly. “Thanks for walking me to class.”

Shaun smiled at him grimly.

“See you in chemistry.” Jesse fluttered his lashes, then he glided into the classroom.

Shaun got to English a couple minutes before the late bell and strode to his seat in the back. He scanned the room with narrowed eyes as he walked to the last row. Kenny’s usual seat was empty. It was official. He’d skipped school to hide his face and Shaun was deeply satisfied.

Eric was present and he sat at the front of the room. His face was a concentrated mess of bruises and there was another thick white bandage over his nose.

Broken. Again.

Shaun smiled wickedly.

He jiggled his leg with impatience when the morning bell rang, and Miss Stevens began the day’s lecture. He knew he should ask her about yesterday’s makeup work, but he didn’t care. His motivation to attend class was sharply declining and when class finally ended, Shaun was the first person out of his seat. He wanted to get to chemistry as fast as he could, because, while he would never admit it out loud, he did miss Jesse.

He was halfway out the door when someone touched his arm. He whirled around, ready for an attack, but it was only Miss Stevens.

“Could I talk to you for a moment?” she asked.

Shaun frowned, but stepped back into the room.

Miss Stevens smiled pleasantly as they waited for the classroom to empty. When Eric passed, Shaun glared at him, but he was too busy staring at the floor to notice. Shaun sighed and tapped his foot as the last few stragglers left the room.

“We missed you yesterday.” Stevens turned and went to her desk. “I wanted to talk to you Monday originally, but you got called away to the office before I could.”

“What is this about?” Shaun folded his arms. “I have to get to chemistry.”

Miss Stevens opened the top drawer on her desk and pulled out a creased sheet of notebook paper. Shaun’s poem from Monday. He knew he’d regret leaving it with her. “Is it about anyone in particular?” She asked calmly, her gaze sharp and intelligent.

“Why?” Shaun spat. “Am I obligated to tell you? Is it part of the grade?”

“Just curious.” Stevens shook her head. “I always thought your writing was inspired. Even when we were working on essays at the beginning of the year.”

Shaun flushed. “Okay?”

“Your writing’s on another level.” She tapped the handwritten poem. “I wondered if someone had inspired it. A new friend maybe?”

Shaun tried to hide his discomfort with a scowl. “What’s it to you?”

Miss. Stevens sighed. “Teachers aren’t immune to gossip. I’ve heard the rumors, Shaun.”

“I’m not telling you my personal business, bitch.” Shaun growled like a wild dog. “Fuck off!”

“Did Jesse tell you I was there when he was attacked Monday?”

Shaun deflated. “No.”

“I know you’re a private person—”

“What do you want?!”

Stevens pursed her lips. “You’re in a band…aren’t you?”

“How the fuck do you know that?” Shaun dropped his arms in surprise. “Did someone tell you?”

“I saw you play once,” Stevens said coolly. “A couple months back. You’re very talented.”

Shaun blinked at her in bewilderment. “Uh. Thanks.”

“I’ve always wanted to tell you that,” Stevens said with a smile. “You might not be my best student, but I have a feeling you’ll be incredibly successful in whatever you choose to do with your life.”

“I’m a guitarist.” Shaun lifted his chin. “One day, I’ll be in a famous band.”

Miss Steven’s beamed. “I believe in you, Shaun. I think you have the drive and the talent to accomplish anything you set your mind to.”

Shaun didn’t know how to respond. He shifted awkwardly on the spot.

“I bet that poem is about Jesse, isn’t it?”

Shaun scowled and crossed his arms. “I already said, I don’t want to talk about personal shit.”

“Well, I think he’s improved your writing tenfold,” Stevens said boldly. “I’m sorry for what happened to him. Some people are so small-minded.”

“I already dealt with them,” Shaun gloated. “Now they’re the ones who are sorry.”

Miss Stevens raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Can I go now?” Shaun huffed with impatience.

“Yes.” Miss Stevens pushed her blonde hair behind her ear. “I wanted to give your poem back though. Are they lyrics to a song?”

“Not yet.” Shaun strode across the room and accepted the piece of paper. He’d almost walked off and left it forever on Stevens’ desk. He folded it into a square and put it in his pocket.

“Do you need a hall pass?”

“I’ll manage.”

“Enjoy the rest of your day, Shaun,” Miss Stevens said cheerfully.

Shaun pondered his teacher’s words as he left English. It was one thing to have Jesse’s unwavering support. Ben’s confidence was encouraging, too, but his English teacher? Miss Stevens believed in him?

Shaun got to chemistry as the late bell rang. Mr. Barnes looked up from his desk, but he didn’t otherwise acknowledge his presence as he got up to begin the lecture.

Jesse sat straight up in his chair, waiting for Shaun to take his seat with wide, questioning eyes. “Why are you late?”

“I was talking to Miss Stevens.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow as class began in earnest. He took out his notebook and started to write, then pushed across the table. What did she want?

Shaun dug through his bag for a writing implement, but once he found it, he stalled. A part of him wanted to keep the compliment to himself. He knew when he told Jesse, the other boy wouldn’t rest until he got his hands on the work in question. She wanted to talk about my poem, he wrote finally, because he couldn’t think of anything else.

Jesse glanced at Shaun’s response and then quickly jotted, I want to see it!

“No,” Shaun whispered and when Jesse turned his ridiculously hopeful blue eyes on him, he relented. “Later.”

Jesse smiled brilliantly and pulled his notebook back to his side of the table. Shaun turned away and pretended to listen to Barnes’ boring lecture, but he was itching to get his hands on his guitar. It was going to be painful, but he wanted to practice.

Jesse tapped his arm and when Shaun looked at him from the corner of his eye, he smiled shyly and handed the notebook back.

Shaun glanced at the page.

I love you, it said clear as day, in black and white, then, below that: When we get home, I’m going to suck your dick.

Shaun tore the page out as he flushed with equal amounts of embarrassment and arousal. He was paranoid someone would get their hands on the note and he folded the damning piece of paper into a tiny square and shoved it into his pocket beside the poem.

Jesse started to giggle.

“Be quiet,” Shaun said under his breath, but Jesse didn’t listen. He covered his mouth with both hands as he continued to laugh. It wasn’t loud, but he sounded like a little pig, snorting, and rooting around.

Shaun closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

The glares continued as the day crawled by. Everyone was a critic and apparently nobody approved. Shaun was desperate for class to be over. He couldn’t wait to get home. School held next to no appeal anymore. Shaun would rather be getting laid or practicing his guitar.

After gym, which had been largely uneventful with Kenny gone and Eric as meek as a mouse, Shaun walked with Jesse to his last class of the day. He’d already decided he was going to wait for him. There was no way he was riding the bus again with the bitch Emily and that little cunt Jesse called a brother, but he would wait.

“Are you going to stay?” Jesse asked as they reached his next class.

“Yes.”

Jesse smiled hugely and grabbed Shaun around the middle. “I’ll meet you out front after class,” he said, hugging him tight. “Love you.”

Shaun kissed the top of his head, then nudged him away.

Jesse slipped into the room and Shaun watched him take his seat before he headed down the hall to his locker. He took the books from his bag and sorted through his large stack of homework with a scowl. Unfinished classwork just kept piling up. He tossed the stack into his locker with disgust and shut the door. He wouldn’t remember it once he got home. There was no point in lugging it along.

Shaun left the building and walked down the front path to sit on the curb to the parking lot. He took out his battered headphones and hung them around his neck as he looked through his CD case.

Sweat beaded along his hairline. Summer was right around the corner and it was starting to get blisteringly hot. He shielded his eyes and squinted up at the bright ball of light high in the sky. He hated the sun.

The front doors flew open and Emily rushed down the walk. She stopped dead in her tracks when her gaze fell upon Shaun.

Shaun stood up and kicked his bag aside as Emily strode in his direction.

The dark-haired girl approached with her head held high and her back straight, but she couldn’t hide the fact she trembled like a leaf. She stopped three feet in front of Shaun and boldly met his eyes.

“Looking for me? “Shaun drawled.

“Yes.”

“Well, spit it out,” Shaun sneered, and Emily hesitated. Shaun tore his headphones off and tossed them on top of his bag. “I’m all ears, bitch.”

“I want you to know,” Emily started. “I told Kenny to leave Jesse alone. I don’t support what he and Eric did to Jesse and I was furious when I found out.”

“Lotta good that did.” Shaun spat on the ground and Emily stepped back, her nose wrinkling in disgust. “What is your fucking point?” he sneered.

Emily flapped her gums. She was regretting this entire thing. Shaun could tell. “I’m not saying I forgive Jesse…because I don’t,” Emily said as her eyes began to glisten with tears. “If he wanted to be with…someone else… he should have just said so!”

“Do you really think that your stupid brother assaulted Jesse because of you?” Shaun snapped.

“Well, yeah!” Emily cried. “He—”

“Let me just stop you there,” Shaun said rudely. “Your redneck brother and his little gang of friends beat the shit out of Jesse because he’s with me.”

Emily’s bottom lip began to quiver as her determination crumbled. “I told Kenny to leave Jesse alone,” she said, repeating herself like a parrot. “If he wants to be with you then I don’t want to be with him!”

“Jesse never wanted to be with you.” Shaun laughed. “He’s wanted me the whole time.” He bared his teeth in a parody of a smile. “He couldn’t resist my undeniable charm.”

“You’re…” Emily’s face twisted. “You’re disgusting.”

Shaun smirked. “Jesse doesn’t think so.”

“I don’t care about him anymore!” Emily stomped her foot. “I…I hate him!”

“Good.”

“That’s not the point!” Emily poked a finger at him as tears streamed down her face. “What Kenny and his friends did to Jesse was nothing compared to what you did to my brother!”

“Your brother should have known better than to touch what’s mine.” Shaun closed the distance between him and the slight girl. He towered over her and he felt a peculiar thrill when Emily had to crane her neck back to keep eye contact. “You’re lucky I didn’t split his skull open.”

“You broke Eric’s nose!” Emily stomped her foot again. “Kenny’s missing teeth! He swallowed half of them when you smashed his face!”

“They fucking deserved it,” Shaun snarled. “I’m not apologizing for shit.”

“Listen to me—”

“Listen to me, you fucking bitch.” Shaun got in Emily’s face. “If your brother comes near Jesse again… or if anyone tries to pull another stunt like he did… then what I did to Kenny and Eric will look like a walk in the park compared to the hell I’ll bring down on the poor fucker that even looks at Jesse wrong.”

Emily’s eyes widened with horror.

Shaun poked her in the chest, and she stumbled back dramatically. “Got that?” he sneered.

Emily put her hand over the spot Shaun had touched, looking deeply wounded.

“Oh, and feel free to spread that around,” Shaun said. “I know you jackasses all love a good story.”

Emily blinked up at him miserably, her eyes glassy and wet with tears, her makeup running down her cheeks.

“Get the fuck out of here!”

Emily spun around and ran back into the school.

Shaun watched her go as his lips curled into a satisfied grin. When he was alone again, he reclaimed his spot on the curb and chose a CD at random. He put his headphones on and turned the volume to the max. He couldn’t wait to get home. He was ready to write a song.