Bleeding Hearts - 11. Chapter 11

I was standing in the park by the pond.

I could feel more than see another presence, lurking just out of sight.

The shadows writhed and danced around me, slowly closing in. I was turning, trying to watch all sides at once, but it was hopeless.

All at once, the shadows began to take form, become more solid, and from them stepped a figure dressed in black from head to toe. Where his face should have been, there was nothing—no features at all, only a horrible blankness.

He was my attacker, Seth’s murderer, and he’d returned to finish what he’d started.

I tried to run, desperate to escape, but shadows wrapped around my ankles, holding me in place where I stood as he slowly drew closer.

Suddenly, he was behind me. His arm snaked around my neck, and I felt the cold steel of a knife blade cutting into my throat.

A trickle of blood ran down my collarbone.

Whatever spell was holding me broke in that instant, and I was fighting with all my strength—kicking, screaming, thrashing.

I didn’t want to die.

 

 

“Killian!” A voice called my name, and my eyes flew open.

I sat bolt upright. I was clammy with sweat, and my heart was pounding so loudly I was sure it could be heard in the next county. I couldn’t see. It was pitch black, but still I looked around frantically for the attacker.

Where was he?

I felt an arm slide across my shoulders, and I cried out, flailing blindly. I hit flesh and heard a startled “oof” from the darkness.

“Killian, it’s okay! It’s me, Asher.”

“Asher?” I whispered.

“Yes, I’m right here.”

“It was a dream?” I asked shakily.

It had seemed so real, but already the sense of blind panic was fading, leaving only a residue of fear in its wake.

Asher’s arms slid around me again, and this time I didn’t fight. “Yeah, it was just a dream,” he murmured comfortingly. “You’re okay now. I’ve got you.”

“It was just a dream,” I repeated, as if by saying it enough times I might convince my pounding heart to slow to its normal pace.

“It must have been a bad one. You woke me up throwing your arms around and kicking and crying.”

“I’m sorry.” I buried my face in his chest.

“Don’t be sorry. You can’t help it. It’s not like you can control what you dream. Do you remember what it was about?”

“Yeah.” I wished I could forget. The images were still sharp in my memory. “It was Seth’s killer. He was after me and I was fighting... Oh, God, it was so horrible.” I squeezed Asher harder.

“I’m here. It’s okay, Killian,” he murmured into my hair. “It was just a dream. Go back to sleep, baby. I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

Usually, I had trouble falling back to sleep after the nightmares, but I did feel safe wrapped in Asher’s arms and, much to my surprise, I was soon asleep once more.

 

 

I awoke the next morning on the couch with Asher’s arms still wrapped around me. The feelings of safety and warmth from the night before had not left me, even though the vestiges of the dream lingered on like the last shreds of mist in the morning sun.

I could get used to waking up like this.

Asher’s arms felt so good, so right. I wanted to stay like that forever, but nature’s call was coming in loud and clear. If I didn’t get up soon, I’d have an embarrassing problem on my hands.

I tried to slip out of his embrace without waking him, but he just tightened his grip. I tried again with the same results, so I gave up on not bothering him.

“Asher.” I said softly. When he didn’t respond, I got a little louder. “Asher!”

“Huh? Wha?” His eyes fluttered open, and he tried to focus on my face.

“I gotta pee. You hafta let me up unless you want to get wet.”

“Mm-kay. Sorry,” he mumbled, letting go and immediately dozing back off. I stared down at him for a minute, filing that bit of information away for future reference: Don’t worry about disturbing Asher’s sleep.

After relieving myself, I was wide awake, so I decided to take a shower. When I came out of the bathroom, I smelled bacon cooking—a sure sign that Adam was up. No breakfast was complete in the Connelly household without a helping of crispy bacon. I padded down the stairs in my stocking feet and made my way into the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Adam greeted me as I sat down at the table. He was quite chipper. I hate morning people.

“Morning.” I may not be a morning person, but I did make some effort to be civil.

“How’d you two make out on the couch?”

“With our lips,” I shot back. “And maybe a little tongue.” Adam gave me a warning glance, and I gave in. “We made out fine. Except, I had a nightmare, and Asher had to wake me up.”

Adam looked at me again, this time with concern. “Bad?”

“You could say that. Asher will probably wake up with some bruises—that is, if he ever wakes up.”

“What was it about?”

I sighed. “The same thing all my nightmares have been about the last few weeks: the killer. He was trying to finish me off.”

Adam left the stove and came over to sit across from me.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were having nightmares?”

I shrugged. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. After everything that’s happened, I figured anyone would have nightmares.”

“I guess that’s true. When you dream about the killer, what does he look like? Can you see him clearly? Maybe your subconscious noticed things you’ve forgotten from all the shock.”

“I couldn’t see his face. It’s as if he didn’t have one.”

He rubbed his face and sighed. “I guess that would be too easy. I’m going to call today about that therapist. I keep forgetting with everything going on.”

I nodded and noticed smoke coming from the frying pan. “I think the bacon is burning.”

Adam jumped up and dashed over to the stove. “Not burnt,” he reported, “but it’ll be extra crispy. Go wake Asher. By the time he gets out of the shower, breakfast should be ready.”

I went into the living room where Asher was still asleep. I leaned over the back of the couch and gently shook his shoulder while calling his name. He didn’t so much as open one eye. A rather mean idea began to form in my head and, of course, I loved it. I started tickling him.

As soon as my fingers dug into his sides, he sat up with a jolt and his head smacked into mine. He tumbled off the couch, and I fell backwards with a thud, both of us yelling “Ow!” in chorus.

“Everything okay in there?” Adam called.

“Dammit, Killian!” Asher whined as he pulled himself to his feet. “Why’d you have to go and do that?”

“I thought it would be funny.”

“I think it lost something in the translation.”

My hands were pressed to my nose. “Is it bleeding?”

He pulled my hands away and examined my nose. “No, it’s not bleeding, but you’re lucky I didn’t start throwing hands.”

“That’s what my dad is for,” I retorted.

I started giggling, and soon we were both rolling on the floor laughing. I got control of myself first and told him that he needed to hurry up and take his shower.

When he finished, he had to borrow some of my clothes since his overnight stay wasn’t planned. This proved to be a challenge, considering Asher was about a head taller than me. A T-shirt and a pair of elastic waist shorts solved the problem to everyone’s satisfaction—especially mine. The shirt clung to his chest like a second skin and the silky shorts showed off his athletic assets quite nicely.

“I can’t wear this to school,” he grumbled as we went down to breakfast.

“I dunno,” I said with a leer. “I kind of like it.”

“You would, perv,” Asher shot back. “And so will every girl.”

“Oh,” I said with a frown.

“Exactly. Besides, somebody might figure out I slept over here last night and then we’d never hear the end of it.”

“Fine. I’ll drive you home after we eat.”

“Then eat fast or we’ll be late.”

After breakfast, I drove him back to his house and waited while he ran in to change. Then it was on to school.

“We probably shouldn’t be seen together,” Asher said about halfway there.

“What do you mean?” I asked sharply. Was he regretting last night already? Or was he so serious about keeping our relationship a secret that he was going to start avoiding me?

“I mean more than usual. We don’t want anyone to be suspicious.”

“You think they’ll suspect something if they see us together?”

“Well...maybe. I mean, people are still talking about you and Seth.”

“So, what you’re saying is you don’t want to be seen with me at school.”

“No! I don’t mean that, Killian. Just...maybe we should keep a low profile, you know? I’m not going to ignore you or anything. I just don’t think we should be seen together more than normal.”

“Whatever.”

We didn’t talk much for the rest of the drive. I was too busy brooding over what Asher had said. He just stared moodily out the window.

We arrived at school and went our separate ways. School was pretty uneventful, but I was preoccupied with thoughts of Asher. Things had seemed so perfect the night before. Could they be falling apart already? The only saving grace was that my school routine was finally getting back to the same old patterns, for which I was very relieved. I was tired of the whole special-treatment scene.

I didn’t see Asher once the entire day. Of course, he had said he didn’t want to see me more than usual, and lately not at all was exactly how often I saw him. By the time the last bell rang, I was ready to give him a piece of my mind. I understood we had to keep a low profile but avoiding me altogether wasn’t going to work either.

I was headed to his locker when Zack and Jesse appeared out of nowhere. Taking places on either side of me, they grabbed my arms and lifted me off my feet. I put up a token struggle, but I was at their mercy, and we all knew it. They swept me down a side hall and into an empty classroom, where they dropped me unceremoniously.

I spun around to face them. “What the hell was that about?” I was scared but decided to take the offensive. Maybe if I could keep them off-balance, I could find a chance to escape.

“We need to have a little talk,” Zack said threateningly.

“I’m sick of our ‘little talks.’ I’m leaving,” I tried to push past them, but they shoved me back roughly. I went from annoyed and nervous to terrified instantly. They’d never gotten physical with me before. I knew I didn’t stand a chance in any sort of fight. They were so much bigger than me.

“We know what you and Asher were doing on the beach last night,” Jesse growled.

“What?” I gasped. Deny it! my brain screamed. “We weren’t doing anything on the beach.”

“We saw you, dumbass,” Zack taunted, jabbing me in the ribs for effect. “And now we know for sure that you’re a faggot, and we know Asher is, too.”

“Yeah, and you’re both going down,” Jesse piped up. “We don’t want no fags at our school.”

“How very enlightened of you, Jesse,” I snapped, my anger quickly overtaking my fear. “But I don’t know what you’re talking about. I wasn’t even at the beach last night. You must have seen somebody else.”

Jesse looked confused, but Zack wasn’t buying it. “Don’t even try it. We were at the arcade, and we saw thought we saw you guys, so we followed you. We saw you holding hands and sucking face with Asher under the pier. You’re a fuckin’ homo.”

“A cocksucker,” Jesse added with a nasty grin.

“A butt fu—”

“Enough!” I cut him off. Obviously, there would be no denying it, but maybe if I just admitted it, I could at least control the narrative and get them off my back. I tipped my chin up and squared my shoulders. “So what? Big deal. I’m not ashamed. And you know what? It’s none of your damn business. You can’t intimidate me or scare me.”

Jesse took a menacing step toward me. “Maybe you should be scared.”

“You know what we do to fags around here, don’t ya?” Zack added, his voice low and threatening, his face a mask of hate.

I backed away and glanced over my shoulder. There was only one door to this room, and Zack and Jesse were between it and me. My mind was racing almost as fast as my heart.

Zack and Jesse began closing in on me, Jesse a few steps closer.

My foot shot out, catching Jesse by surprise and nailing him in the balls. He released a wheezing, high-pitched howl of anguish and collapsed to the floor just as Zack launched himself at me.

I tried to jump out of the way, but he caught my shoulder, and I spun as I fell. Zack dropped on top of me as if we were in a football game and I had the ball. I was at a distinct disadvantage. I’d never been in a fight in my life, unless Dad’s beating the crap out of me counted.

I braced myself for the first punch, but it never came. Instead, the room lit up, and a voice boomed, “What’s going on in here?”

It was Mr. Tatum, my drama teacher.

“Nothing,” Zack said unconvincingly as he sat up.

I quickly disentangled myself from Zack and proceeded to put as much distance between him and I as possible. I grabbed my backpack, which had gone flying when Zack tackled me, and walked toward Mr. Tatum.

“It didn’t sound or look like nothing,” Tatum said, suspicion dripping from his words.

“We were just messing around,” Zack insisted, shooting me a warning glance. “You know, wrestling a bit.”

Tatum looked to me for confirmation. I didn’t know what Zack and Jesse would do with their newfound knowledge, but Mr. Tatum had a reputation as a gossip around school. I was sure I didn’t want the entire faculty to know I was gay. I reluctantly nodded my corroboration of Zack’s lie.

“Well, take your wrestle mania somewhere else. Get going before I escort you to the office.”

I could tell he didn’t believe us, and I could hardly blame him. I wasn’t exactly the wrestling type, and Jesse was still struggling to stand, obviously still in pain and looking a little ill.

“Are you feeling all right, Mr. O’Donnell?” The teacher asked him.

“Not really,” he answered truthfully.

“Then maybe wrestling is not the sport for you,” Tatum said as I started out of the room. “May I suggest something less violent? Perhaps speed walking.”

“We’ll talk later, Kendall,” Zack called after me meaningfully.

“Not if I can help it,” I mumbled under my breath and picked up my pace.

I searched all over for Asher—while keeping a wary eye out for Zack and Jesse—but couldn’t find him anywhere. He wasn’t at his locker, no one I talked to had seen him, and he wasn’t answering my texts.

I was starting to get worried. Maybe I hadn’t been Zack and Jesse’s first stop.

I decided to drive to his house.

Mrs. Davis answered my knock. Her cheery smile was absent, making me feel as if I were seeing her naked and increasing my sense of dread.

“Oh Killian, I’m so glad you’re here. Asher is in his room. Go right on up.”

“Is he—” I started to ask if he was okay, but then decided to just go see for myself and continued on toward the stairs.

I tapped on his bedroom door and heard his muffled voice tell me to come in. I opened the door and gasped. Asher was lying on his bed with the worst black eye I’d ever seen.

When he saw it was me, he attempted to sit up but dropped back as he winced and pressed his hand to his side.

“Oh, my God! What happened?”

“Zack and Jesse happened,” he said, confirming my fears. He spoke carefully because of his lip, but his bitterness came through loud and clear.

I rushed to his side and helped him sit up. “Holy shit,” I muttered under my breath.

Up close, he looked even worse. His left eye was swollen completely shut and his lip was split and puffy. There was a small cut on his right cheek bone.

I sat down next to him, being careful not to bounce the bed too much. I reached out to touch his face, but he jerked away from my hand.

I sighed. “They tried to jump me after school, but I fought back. Luckily, Tatum showed up before things ugly—or uglier, I guess.”

“They got me between classes, in the boy’s room.”

“Why didn’t you fight back?”

“I didn’t have a chance. It was two against one, and they took me by surprise. Besides, I’m not much of a fighter. They threw a couple of sucker punches, called me some names, kicked me when I was down.” His hand drifted to his side again. “Nothing too bad. I’ll live.”

I laid my head on his shoulder, but he immediately tensed up beneath me. I sat back up and tried to make eye contact, but he wouldn’t look at me.

“Did you report it?”

His eyes darted toward me. “No! Did you?”

I shook my head no. “Zack made some excuse about us wrestling. I don’t think Tatum bought it, but you know how he is. I was afraid Zack would tell him I’m gay, and then the whole school would know, so I went along with Zack’s dumb story. There wasn’t much he could do.”

He sighed. “Maybe you should have just told him. You know they’re not gonna give up that easily.”

“What do you mean?” I asked with a frown.

“They’ll come after us again. I’ll be ready next time, but you don’t stand a chance.”

“You can protect me.” I tried to take his hand, but he snatched it away.

“I can’t be with you all the time, Killian. And besides, you know they’re going to spread it all over school. You might as well have just told Tatum. Our lives as we knew them are over.”

I sighed. “We messed up last night, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, we did.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I could tell Asher wanted to say something but was holding back.

I decided to speak up first. “Okay, so maybe things will change for us at school. You know what? I’m not sorry. Last night was amazing. Maybe we were careless, but what’s done is done, and now we have to live with the consequences. There’s no sense in beating ourselves up over it. Zack and Jesse will take care of that for us.”

I attempted to smile, but Asher didn’t even try to return it. I continued seriously, “Maybe it won’t be so bad. At least we have each other. Seth didn’t have anyone.”

“That’s just it! I don’t want to go through this. I don’t know if I can. Maybe it’s too late, but...maybe not.”

“Too late for what?”

“Maybe I can convince them that they didn’t see what they thought they saw, or maybe... Oh, I know! I’ll say it wasn’t even us—”

“I tried that. They followed us, Ash. They know it was us.”

“Fuck.” He cast around for a glimmer of hope. “You know how dumb they are. I’m sure I can convince them that we were just...play fighting or something.”
“I admitted it.”

He was finally looking at me. “You did what?”

“I didn’t know what else to do so I admitted that I’m gay.”

His eye that wasn’t swollen shut grew wide as his voice kept rising. “Why’d you do that?”

“I don’t know. I panicked. I guess I hoped it would, like, take away the power they had over me, but instead... I... I thought they were going to kill me. You should have seen the look on Zack’s face.”

“Have you lost your fucking mind? I did see the look on Zack’s face. Right before he did this to me!”

I stood up. “I was scared, okay? Maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

“Oh yeah? Tell that to Seth.”

My blood ran cold as my breath rushed out of me. “What are you saying? Do you think Zack and Jesse killed Seth?”

He turned away again. “I don’t know,” he mumbled.

“If you know something, then you have to tell someone,” I insisted, urgency creeping into my voice.

His head snapped back around. “I don’t know anything,” he said through clenched teeth. “No. Scratch that. I do know you just ruined our lives.”

“If you know something about what happened, please tell me. It could help catch Seth’s killer.”

“I. Don’t. Know. Shit.” He bit off each word, anger punctuating every syllable.

“Asher—"

“For the last time, I don’t know anything about what happened to Seth. Drop it. Look, Zack and Jesse might be idiots, but they’re dangerous idiots. At the very least they’re going to make your life a living hell. And mine too. Unless...” He stopped, and his face slowly morphed from anger and fear to cold calculation.

“Unless what?” I asked.

“There’s no point in this ruining both of our lives. I’ll just tell them they misunderstood what they saw—that you kissed me but I’m not gay.”

“What the fuck? We were making out for like five minutes. You gave me a hickey.”

“I was just...confused. You messed with my head.”

“So... What are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?”

“I didn’t even know we were dating,” he said evasively.

I glared at him until he had to look away.

“Killian, we...we just got caught up in the moment.”

“Wow.” I started backing away toward the door. “I never thought you’d be such a coward.”

He didn’t answer, just avoided my gaze.

“You know what? Fuck you, Asher. Last night you made me happier than I’ve ever been. You made me feel safe. And now you think you can just throw me away? For what? To protect your precious reputation? Are you fucking serious right now? Did none of that mean anything to you at all?”

He rolled over, putting his back toward me. “Just go, Killian.”

I stood there for a second then turned and stormed from his room, slamming the door on my way out. I practically flew down the stairs, skipping half the steps.

Mrs. Davis came rushing around the corner, a look of concern on her face. “Is everything okay?” she asked as I yanked open the front door.

“No,” I barked, and rushed out, pulling the door closed behind me, though I did make a concerted effort to not slam it in her face.

My hands were shaking as I slid into the driver’s seat, so I sat there for a moment, trying to catch my breath.

I was so confused. What was wrong with Asher? Just the night before, he’d told me he liked me and kissed me like he meant it. Now he was ready to throw me under the bus in order to not be outed. Was he really going to claim I forced myself on him? Nobody would believe that.

Would they?

He was so much bigger than me. Plus, Zack and Jesse were there. They’d seen us with their own eyes.

Something told me they’d believe what they wanted to believe. Especially if it made me the bad guy. I was a convenient scapegoat—the outsider, the clinger-on, the traitor who became friends with the gay guy.

If I was honest with myself, part of me understood where he was coming from. He was scared. Hell, so was I. We had good reason to be. After all, I’d witnessed first-hand what happened to Seth. I’d be stupid to think the same thing couldn’t happen to me.

That didn’t lessen the pain of betrayal, though. It seemed like whatever happened from here, I’d be facing it alone.

I took a deep breath and started the car. As I was about to put it into gear, I glanced in the rear view mirror and froze.

Standing at the end of the driveway behind my car was my father. He was glaring at me, arms crossed.

I threw the car into drive and floored it, pulling away with a violent jerk and a squeal of my tires, my eyes never leaving his reflection. It looked like he was yelling something, but I just sped away.

A few streets later, I pulled over again and put the car in park. I was shaking again, even more intensely than before, and felt like I was going to throw up.

I rested my head against the steering wheel and breathed in through my nose, out through my mouth. I’d read somewhere it helped calm panic attacks.

It wasn’t working.

Everything felt so right when I woke up that morning.

How did it all go to shit so fast?