Jump to content
    AC Benus
  • Author
  • 1,238 Words
  • 1,804 Views
  • 18 Comments
The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Pride Month, and other Haibun - 2. Pride Month

.

Pride Month

Haibun

 

Situations are dynamic and flow.

Take for instance my dental appointment yesterday. It was about 2:30 in the afternoon. My walk to the subway station was ordinary, but I did enjoy the cooling breeze as I went.

A pocketful of quarters went into the ticket machine and gave me an amount of credit to use for a round trip and then some. I had my book on the train and got lost in it pretty quickly – Scotty Bowers’ Full Service, about all the Gay men he knew and slept with in L.A.’s golden age. I was reading the sections on Jimmy Dean, and what a brat he appeared to Bowers; how the young man skulked and ground out a cigarette on his host’s silk carpet because no was talking to him at a party. A sad young man, maybe. A guy who never felt love in his life was sincere, even less so the praise fawning people foisted on him for their own purposes.

 

The most precious of jewels

glow different in the flame of candlelight;

Some shine green in the sun

but ruby-red in night’s intimacy.

 

Thus some people seem fools

but maybe it’s judging them at first sight

makes me the foolish one,

changing like a flame all I chance to see.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Lost in thoughts of what I read concerning Tab Hunter's broken heart when the man he loved – Anthony Perkins – turned into shame-faced sellout and entered a sham marriage with a woman, I have to say I completely forgot what time of year it is: June. Pride Month.

That state did not persist for long though, because clearing the ticket area, I was thrust into the open-air plaza that forms the central adit and exit of Powell Street Station. Looking stories up into the sky, rainbow stripes greeted me glinting in the sunlight and moving slightly in the afternoon breeze. Stepping onto the escalator, this impression was only heightened, for the pair of extra-large flags trooping the granite entrance to Bank of America were matched in under-glass fashion within the Gap’s flagship store. Both of these structures awaited at the top of the moving steps, and formed two sides of the little plaza for the cable car roundabout. Thousands of tourists will see these Pride displays.

Once I was on the sidewalk, an easy turn of the head showed me the rainbow banners flanking the sides of all the gloriously tall streetlights along Market Street, the city’s main drag. These tall-shouldered lights, with Pride stripes to their left and right, march all the way from the Ferry Building and the blue waters of the bay to the heart of the Castro; in other words, for miles and miles.

 

Memories, do they form instantly,

or through the slow accrual of activating them?

 

How many times I have been here,

and yet today it feels like the first time.

 

Floods appear remembering the first time,

my first Pride Parade in 1995.

 

Of one spent on a June Sunday so long ago now,

but when I’m back here, does time matter?

 

So those memories, do we talk of them as ‘was,’

or are they as real now as they ever were?

 

For me, it’s all one and the same;

If I am here, then so are they.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Around the corner at Fifth Street, I began walking up that thoroughfare, noting how another flagship store, this time Old Navy, had Rainbow Flags hanging in their windows like curtains – free and easy. Such casual celebration brought smiles to my face as well. All-out grander and display is wonderful, but so too is just saying, “We love you; we are you.”

 

He died this March,

Gilbert Baker,

one-time San Francisco resident,

and designer of the flag in 1978.

 

A symbol was needed,

one not so sad –

not the lambda of the Gay Rights resistance,

nor the pink triangle of Nazi genocide,

but a mark of ‘Us,’ survivors,

unified, diverse, and proud.

 

Bless you, dear friend,

Gilbert Baker,

one-time resident of San Francisco,

and creator of so much simplicity.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Many of the Colors this year are Gilbert’s original eight: the six we know plus hot pink on top, for sexual energy and freedom, and turquoise near the center, for magical healing and creativity. How those two elements were lost in the first place, I guess I don’t know.

Walking along Fifth Street to the dentist and my appointment, I experienced a glow. Things have changed, right? Not all of this is done by Gay people for Gay people. Perhaps it’s arguable that the balance has shifted and that most of these Pride displays are done by other minorities to show allegiance. But, support too is needed. And what is support if not a heart-rooted understanding.

And that I feel has deepened a great deal since even 1995.

All of these feelings and thoughts were brought to an unforeseen focus only a block’s walk from the flags and banners of Market Street, for just as I got to the intersection of Fifth and Mission, a disturbing thing happened.

 

Queasy is memory itself, right?

For some things retrieved make one

Sick to replay them, but –

Some things must be said no matter

How nauseating the experience.

 

How else can understanding be passed along?

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

A group of three friends were waiting to cross when I came up to do the same. No traffic was coming, so one of the two young men stepped into the street – not far, but a little bit into the traffic lane for sure.

The girl of the group, looking down at her cell phone, laughed and called out to her boyfriend, “The light didn’t change, dummy!”

He stood there, not wanting to come back and give her satisfaction, I guess. But then a black SUV rolled along Mission Street, wanting to turn right on Fifth, but the driver – also a young man – had to swerve to miss the guy. The driver stopped at the light; the man in street yelled at him: “Fuck you!”

The driver yelled back “Fuck you, bitch,” which amused the boy’s girlfriend. She cackled at her lover and repeated the insult: “He said ‘Fuck you, bitch!'"

But then she softened, perhaps seeing he was a bit hurt to be ‘degraded’ by the woman he presumably loves, and told him, “Ah, forget it. He sounded like a fucking faggot anyway.”

The two laughed and agreed. “Yeah, he did. Just a faggot.”

 

And they wonder why

we never feel good enough,

why we get so out of joint,

why we make so much of this

'pride stuff.'

 

They say we're too thin-skinned,

too "sensitive,"

too dunk on all-things PC,

just too much the drama queens,

but are we...?

 

If that's you saying those things,

you walk a mile in my shoes,

and say that again

to my face.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

 

The crosswalk light changed. Passing the group before we reached the other side, I turned and told them, “Happy Pride Month, bigots.”

Stunned, they said nothing before I went on my way, to have my teeth drilled.

 

 

~

 

_

Copyright © 2017 AC Benus; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 12
  • Love 1
The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
You are not currently following this story. Be sure to follow to keep up to date with new chapters.

Recommended Comments

Chapter Comments

AC, you've written two of these and both are wonderful. I don't hear it much now, being out of uniform,  but being called a faggot cop, used to hurt. It's silly but we have an idea that SF residents would all be enlightened and accepting. Yet, you say it isn't so. I wonder though, just how good did it feel to say what you did? Or did it? A wonderful piece, AC I'm very much liking this form!   M

  • Like 4
  • Love 1
Link to comment

This reminds me of something I recently read. "We don't celebrate Gay Pride, just because we are Gay. We do so, in order to embrace our right to exist without persecution for being who we are."

 

Excellent story AC, as it reinforces not only what we have accomplished in such a relatively short time (from Stonewall to now), but also what we have left to finish. Thank you for writing it.

  • Like 3
  • Love 1
Link to comment

This was beautiful AC... It acknowledges that there has been change. Yet, theirs so much more to be done. Their were two things that stuck out in this beautiful piece. 
 The first is obviously the F word. I hear it all the time. Not directed at me. I've lived in Vegas since 2004. It is a major city now, but so conservative and rural. 
I'm still shellshocked I guess. In NYC, I never batted an eyelash. You were left alone. I never really thought about words, beatings... My life was just allowed to be there. 
The second thing I noticed. The companies showing support. This should make me happy. I guess I'm more cynical. All I'm thinking is... Its a good marketing tool! Hmm, I'll have to ponder why I automatically question motives. 
 Anyways... This was beautiful and thought provoking. Thank you for a piece that adds to the discussion. I can't help think you are the type of person I'd enjoy spending a day with. The things you show interest in, are things I often reflect on. 

  • Like 3
  • Love 1
Link to comment

This is a stunning piece. The first reflection prepared me subtly for the notion of change that is an overarching theme; the reflections on memory made me pause in metaphysical reverie. But you  catch us thinking that all of us - everyone - participates in memory. Hence the need to recollect, with sharp clarity, as you do, such events as transpired on Mission and Market. I lay my cape at your feet. 

  • Like 3
  • Love 1
Link to comment
16 hours ago, MichaelS36 said:

AC, you've written two of these and both are wonderful. I don't hear it much now, being out of uniform,  but being called a faggot cop, used to hurt. It's silly but we have an idea that SF residents would all be enlightened and accepting. Yet, you say it isn't so. I wonder though, just how good did it feel to say what you did? Or did it? A wonderful piece, AC I'm very much liking this form!   M

Thanks again for a wonderful review. The question you pose is a good one, but I'm not sure 'feel good' was anywhere on the radar ;) It's one of those classic lose-lose situations, and you are right and wise to call it out as such. My only defense is "They started it!" hehe. 

 

But seriously, thank you for your support. You have great insight and I appreciate hearing it. 

  • Like 2
  • Love 1
Link to comment
16 hours ago, BHopper2 said:

This reminds me of something I recently read. "We don't celebrate Gay Pride, just because we are Gay. We do so, in order to embrace our right to exist without persecution for being who we are."

 

Excellent story AC, as it reinforces not only what we have accomplished in such a relatively short time (from Stonewall to now), but also what we have left to finish. Thank you for writing it.

Thanks, BH! I like your opening quote because it puts me in mind that every one of us should be able to walk down the street without worry that our identity will be used randomly to slur another. Resistance is still needed on our part, I think. 

 

Great comments, and I appreciate receiving them. Thanks again! 

  • Like 2
  • Love 1
Link to comment

As before AC, your reflections and poetry takes me right to the heart of it, seeing and feeling as you might have.. It's a great piece. You are so wonderfully talented. 

Thank you. 

  • Like 1
  • Love 2
Link to comment
On June 9, 2017 at 10:42 AM, BlindAmbition said:


I'm still shellshocked I guess. In NYC, I never batted an eyelash. You were left alone. I never really thought about words, beatings... My life was just allowed to be there. 
 

JP, I'm always surprised when things go down in the city because really, you are left alone for the most part.. Last weekend, I was in Brooklyn, Park Slope which is very gay friendly.. Two guys in front of us were headed to a bar when his friend said "nope, they got the f** flag" they moved on laughing their asses off as if.. Every so often I'm reminded there is still such a way to go.. 

  • Like 1
  • Love 2
Link to comment
7 hours ago, Defiance19 said:

JP, I'm always surprised when things go down in the city because really, you are left alone for the most part.. Last weekend, I was in Brooklyn, Park Slope which is very gay friendly.. Two guys in front of us were headed to a bar when his friend said "nope, they got the f** flag" they moved on laughing their asses off as if.. Every so often I'm reminded there is still such a way to go.. 

I'm very familiar with Park Slope! Ritzy, artsy, and very gay-friendly! XOXO

  • Like 2
  • Love 1
Link to comment
On 6/9/2017 at 7:42 AM, BlindAmbition said:

This was beautiful AC... It acknowledges that there has been change. Yet, theirs so much more to be done. Their were two things that stuck out in this beautiful piece. 
 The first is obviously the F word. I hear it all the time. Not directed at me. I've lived in Vegas since 2004. It is a major city now, but so conservative and rural. 
I'm still shellshocked I guess. In NYC, I never batted an eyelash. You were left alone. I never really thought about words, beatings... My life was just allowed to be there. 
The second thing I noticed. The companies showing support. This should make me happy. I guess I'm more cynical. All I'm thinking is... Its a good marketing tool! Hmm, I'll have to ponder why I automatically question motives. 
 Anyways... This was beautiful and thought provoking. Thank you for a piece that adds to the discussion. I can't help think you are the type of person I'd enjoy spending a day with. The things you show interest in, are things I often reflect on. 

Thank you, JP! It was not an easy piece to write, in fact I had to just swallow the lump in my throat and take it one word at a time. It's nice to see it resonates with readers. 

 

As for us meeting up sometime, that's a total go :yes: It would be fun 

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment
On 6/9/2017 at 3:01 PM, Parker Owens said:

This is a stunning piece. The first reflection prepared me subtly for the notion of change that is an overarching theme; the reflections on memory made me pause in metaphysical reverie. But you  catch us thinking that all of us - everyone - participates in memory. Hence the need to recollect, with sharp clarity, as you do, such events as transpired on Mission and Market. I lay my cape at your feet. 

Thanks, Parker. That first poem took me a bit by surprise too. Let's just say, the themes of changeability and perspective suddenly became the 'backbone' of the rest of the piece as it unfolded later. 

 

Thanks for your support and being one of two first readers. Your feedback helped a lot. 

 

(cape at my feet...? You saying I'm about to step in it...? LOL) 

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment
On 6/10/2017 at 9:21 AM, Defiance19 said:

As before AC, your reflections and poetry takes me right to the heart of it, seeing and feeling as you might have.. It's a great piece. You are so wonderfully talented. 

Thank you. 

Thanks once more, Def. I do like 'real time' writing and reading. I often avoid long summary sections in my fiction, preferring to keep the moment on the move. I appreciate all of your wonderful support. Major Muahs 

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment
On 6/10/2017 at 9:29 AM, Defiance19 said:

JP, I'm always surprised when things go down in the city because really, you are left alone for the most part.. Last weekend, I was in Brooklyn, Park Slope which is very gay friendly.. Two guys in front of us were headed to a bar when his friend said "nope, they got the f** flag" they moved on laughing their asses off as if.. Every so often I'm reminded there is still such a way to go.. 

I'm starting to think (sadly) we all have recent stories like these. Sigh, but we must roll up our sleeves as well. 

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment
On 6/10/2017 at 4:58 PM, BlindAmbition said:

I'm very familiar with Park Slope! Ritzy, artsy, and very gay-friendly! XOXO

Sounds nice. One of the things I like most about New York is how leafy many of the streets and neighborhoods are. Dapple City, I think of the city of the apple... 

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment

I know i read this, yet it seems i failed to comment. It's Pride here too, in T.O.  We have flags at work, but i know it's not just all marketing. I know it.  We celebrate everyone. Inclusion is extremely important to the Bank. If you're a racist, or a bigot this not the place for you. That's all the time, not just in June. I remember a story from out internal web pages from a Trans woman, who said the Bank is the best place ever because she is just accepted. And i know that's true. I see it everyday.

 

So maybe companies hanging the rainbow flags is marketing, but for some it is alive everyday of year.

  • Love 1
Link to comment
On 6/1/2018 at 7:31 AM, Mikiesboy said:

I know i read this, yet it seems i failed to comment. It's Pride here too, in T.O.  We have flags at work, but i know it's not just all marketing. I know it.  We celebrate everyone. Inclusion is extremely important to the Bank. If you're a racist, or a bigot this not the place for you. That's all the time, not just in June. I remember a story from out internal web pages from a Trans woman, who said the Bank is the best place ever because she is just accepted. And i know that's true. I see it everyday.

 

So maybe companies hanging the rainbow flags is marketing, but for some it is alive everyday of year.

Yes, that's very true. Especially here in San Francisco, companies like Gap go out of their way to include everyone. Pride this year was pretty low-key, but naturally people were out having a good time. 

 

Thanks for the comments, Tim. I really appreciate them. 

  • Love 1
Link to comment
View Guidelines

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Newsletter

    Sign Up and get an occasional Newsletter.  Fill out your profile with favorite genres and say yes to genre news to get the monthly update for your favorite genres.

    Sign Up
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..