A Very Schticky Thing To Do - 14. Chapter 14

A year later, in a small city on the other side of the planet, with one hand clasped in the other, Zzppd and Thabbt sat on a park bench and watched Doopo play with other children in a shallow pond at a park near their apartment. Bazt walked by and smiled at the lovers. Some turned and took second looks because here, far away from the capitol, Zzppd was the only Zzt in their city and he was an oddity with four nipples and a cock as long as their forearm. The whispers were almost audible, but neither boy cared.

Suddenly, Doopo ran over to the bench, stopped in front of Thabbt, and said too loudly, “Dadi got to potty.”

“Yes, dear,” Thabbt said as he turned to Zzppd and kissed his cheek. “Why is it always me who has to take her to the waste receptacle?”

“Because I’m the one that puts food in the other end?” Zzppd offered. “Maybe if you fed her once in awhile she’d come to me.”

“Dadi! Potty!” Doopo exclaimed.

“Yes, dear,” Thabbt said as he stood up and held his hand out to the child. As a hybrid, Doopo was far more mature than other one-year-olds and Zzppd fully expected her to be able to start basic schooling with a year. Being one-fourth Zzt and three-fourths Bazt, Thabbt hoped the child would remain a child for a few years more, but he, too, saw the early signs of Zzt dominant genes and feared she would experience years of heartache ahead for her differences.

As Zzppd sat on the bench waiting for Thabbt and Doopo to return, a young Bazt man sat down at the other end of the bench. When Zzppd turned, the man smiled and said, “Greetings from the Oodri.”

“Good day,” Zzppd said.

“We’ve been watching you and the false Mistress,” the man said. “I am here to inform you that the three of you will die tonight.”

“Why go to the trouble of telling me?” Zzppd asked, fully knowing the answer.

“It’s better that you worry,” the man said.

“How very much like the Oodri,” Zzppd said.

“Yes, and don’t bother telling the Minto because they’re too far away to help,” the man said. He stood and smiled. “Good day, Zzt, give my regards to Thabbt.”

“Thank you,” Zzppd said feeling very much like the Schtickist he was.

“Who was that Bazt?” Thabbt asked when he returned. Doopo was already splashing in the pond.

“Oodri, he informed me they will kill us tonight,” Zzppd said, flatly.

“What are we going to do?” Thabbt asked, worriedly.

“Inform the Minto,” Zzppd said. “Maybe our deaths will finally sever whatever ties are left between them and the Oodri. I suspect that Bazt was one of the radicals, but it doesn’t matter, now.”

“There must be something we can do,” Thabbt said glancing around them as if expecting to see the beam weapon that would vaporize him.

“Make peace with whatever entity you still believe in,” Zzppd said. “Myself, I shall have a good meal, send a message to the Minto, and ready myself to meet Prisi on Hurlshome. There is little else I can do. I am a Zzt. My life is worthless.”

“Well, mine isn’t and neither is Doopo,” Thabbt said. “I’m contacting my father.”

“Do what you have to do,” Zzppd said. “In the end, we all die.”

* * * * * * *

Doopo was playing with her toys in the middle of the lounge. Thabbt was nervously pacing the room. Zzppd was eating a bungi strip and broccoli omelet smeared with Minto blue sauce.

They had a small apartment over an empty retail store in a building Thabbt purchased with credits he’d saved from his stipend and Zzppd’s earnings from selling his milk. There were five rooms off the main lounge providing sleeping quarters for Thabbt and Zzppd and an office where they had a ’xrsc terminal. Doopo had two rooms, one for sleeping and one for her toys. They hadn’t decided what to do with the fifth room, but filled it with extra furniture so it wouldn’t be empty. The facilities had a large Bazt tub where all three took their baths together in the Bazt tradition, a modern waste receptacle with all the attachments, and a shower stall big enough to hold a small convention. The small kitchen had a food prep unit, plus refrigeration and cooking equipment when they wanted fresh. The main lounge was furnished in Bazt traditional with lots of carpets, pillows, and cushions. It was home.

The knock came at eight, which coincidentally was Doopo’s bedtime. Zzppd went to the door and opened it. Two Oodri stood outside holding beam weapons.

“Oh, good, you’re here early,” Zzppd said. “I was afraid you’d come after Doopo had been put down. Come on in, we don’t want the neighbors getting the wrong idea.”

The men nervously followed Zzppd into the lounge. Thabbt immediately cowered in a corner and Doopo briefly looked up and then went back to her toys.

“Before you vaporize us, I have a message for you,” Zzppd said as he walked over to the counter by the kitchen.

“It won’t do you any good,” one of the Oodri said.

“Oh, I know,” Zzppd said calmly, “but the Minto insisted I give you the message so you can, what did they say? Oh, yes, so you can ponder the situation on your way back to Oodri. The message was printed in ancient Oodri, so I don’t know what it says. Do either of you read the old Oodri language? To me it looks like ancient Bazt glyphic, but the characters aren’t familiar.”

“Both of us know how to read Oodri,” one of the Oodri said.

“Good, here is the message then,” Zzppd said. “Do you want us to stand as a group so you can minimize collateral damage or are you good with how we are?”

“A group shot would be quite picturesque, but I think we can do you individually,” said the Oodri who wasn’t reading the message. “Who should we do last?”

“Since I’m Zzt and have seen vaporizations before, I think you should do my betrothed and child first,” Zzppd said as the Oodri readied his weapon. He aimed it at Doopo.

“Aamt! Read this before you do anything rash,” said the Oodri who had read the message. He handed it to the other who began reading it.

“I think we’d better go,” said the Oodri after he’d read the message. “Have a good life.”

They quickly left the apartment. Zzppd shut the door and turned to Thabbt, who was twitching uncontrollably and had suffered a loose bowel event. Doopo was oblivious to everything as was only right.

* * * * * * *

The following morning Thabbt woke to the feeling of Zzppd’s arms holding him tight against his betrothed and the Zzt’s cock sunk deep in his gut. His own cock was hard as a steel rod and the prehensile foreskin was opening and closing in pre-orgasmic spasms as it sought out a female’s cervix or a Zzt male’s uncircumcised cock to receive the fertilizing sperm. He knew in a moment his egg laden semen would spew forth in a massive ejaculation, so he shut his eyes and sunk back into Zzppd’s arms.

And, then, the memory of last night flooded Thabbt’s mind and he began to twitch and spasm uncontrollably. A soft gurgling moan came out of his throat as urine leaked out of his cock. He didn’t feel Zzppd leave him.

“Dadi? Dadi?” Doopo tried to awaken Thabbt, but he was somewhere else.

“Dadi sick,” Doopo said.

“Yes, dear, Dadi is sick,” Zzppd said.

“Oodri bad men,” Doopo said.

“What?” Zzppd asked. He looked at his dottir wondering how she knew the men were Oodri.

“Oodri use beam weapons,” Doopo said. “Beam weapons not Bazt. Beam weapons from Orcol.”

“Doopo, how do you know that?” Zzppd asked.

“’xrsc tell me,” Doopo said. “’xrsc funny, tell jokes like Pubi. Doopo know joke, too.”

“Doopo does not tell jokes,” Zzppd said, firmly. “Doopo is Bazt, not Zzt.”

“No, Doopo Zzt, Pubi Zzt,” Doopo said with a pout. She stood up and walked out of the room.

Zzppd sat back on his haunches and pondered his dottir’s sudden ability to carry-on a fairly decent conversation; and, the ’xrsc, how were they contacting her? Had she figured out how to use the terminal? Or, worse, was she recondite aware? Did she have the recondite awareness gene and was it dominant? If Doopo could see the six dimensional ’xrsc world, her future beyond Bazt was limitless.

He turned back to Thabbt, who had opened his eyes. Zzppd took the damp cloth from the other’s forehead and wrung it out over the pan of cool water. He soaked it, again, and reapplied it. Thabbt smiled.

“You need help,” Zzppd said.

“No, I don’t think so,” Thabbt whispered. “Why are we still alive?”

“How do you know we’re not dead? Maybe you’ve accompanied me to Hurlshome,” Zzppd said.

“Because I don’t believe in the pig-headed mother god of the Argotteans and I don’t like hog snot,” Thabbt said.

“What do you know about hog snot?” Zzppd asked as he lay down beside Thabbt and embraced his lover.

“There was a food fair put on by a visiting UMS sales team a number of years ago,” Thabbt said as he turned on his side to face Zzppd. “One of the booths had plain and flavored hog snot, fried broccoli and hog snot sandwiches, puréed cabbage and hog snot ices, and a minty horse urine and hog snot mouthwash. How could anyone wash their mouth out with horse urine and hog snot?”

“The urine whitens your teeth and the hog snot provides a certain texture that Argotteans find appealing,” Zzppd said. “Personally, I’d rather eat lutefisk.”

“They had that, too, but what was it?” Thabbt asked.

“It’s from an ancient Terran tribe who spread it throughout the known multiverse by finding suitable environments for their favorite food fish. Once they’ve caught the fish, they dry it so it can be stored indefinitely. When they get hungry, they soak the dried fish in a lye and water solution before cooking. I’ve heard its texture is similar to cooked oatmeal, but with a fishy taste, but someone else reported that it is sort of like a lumpy gelatin with a fishy taste. I suppose if you like fish, whatever they taste like, you’d like lutefisk,” Zzppd said, authoritatively. “Have you eaten fish? Does it taste like bumpti, too?”

“How do you know so much about so many things?” Thabbt asked. “You know the oddest things.”

“On Gurd, I was denied an education because I am Schtickist,” Zzppd said. “Once I was set free, I decided to learn as much as I could about as many things as I could. I use the ’xrsc terminal every day and follow the cross-references to all sorts of interesting things.”

“Do you know why they didn’t kill us?” Thabbt whispered; all the muscles in his body spasmed unexpectedly.

“The Minto sent a message and after reading it they left,” Zzppd said as he caressed Thabbt’s chest until it stopped quivering. “You know, you should see someone about your reaction to danger.”

“What did the message say?” Thabbt asked.

“It was written in ancient Oodri, I couldn’t read it,” Zzppd said.

“Bungi spunt! The Minto would’ve sent a translation,” Thabbt said.

“The message said that if we died and the Minto said they’d find out, the Minto were going to massacre all Oodri everywhere, but they would spare our killers so they could watch and hear the screaming as the Minto devoured all of the Oodri children alive. I think they said they would only eat the children under ten years of age, but all other children up to the age of the Minto Choosing would be killed in the most painful ways possible,” Zzppd said.

“They would’ve done that, too,” Thabbt said. “They’re heartless and will stop at nothing to get their way. I know. You gave me to them, didn’t you?”

“Yes, they offered a cure to your disease,” Zzppd said. “I’m sorry they hurt you so horribly.”

“No, they knew what they were doing; and, yes, I suffered greatly and would never voluntarily go back to them, but they did fix my problem,” Thabbt said, strangely cheerily. “I don’t need you to punish me anymore and I don’t need pain to get off, but, you know Zzppd, I do love the pain I feel when you fuck me so deep in my gut. Let’s plan our wedding so we can have another baby.”

“We can have a baby?” Zzppd asked with a frown. “Do you have any idea what it feels like to have your birthing flap tear open and a baby slide down your birth canal?”

“Yes, that was one of the tortures the Minto made me see in my mind,” Thabbt said. “They can put images in your mind and I gave birth to hundreds of babies and each and every one tore my birthing flap and scratched me with their fingernails as they slid down my birth canal.”

“Oo, ick, that sends shivers down my spine just thinking about fingernails in there,” Zzppd said. “You still dream of your time with them, don’t you?”

“Just as I dream of when you whipped me,” Thabbt said.

“I’m sorry,” Zzppd whispered.

“No, there’s no need for you to pity me, whatever has happened has been my own fault,” Thabbt said as he adjusted his ass to accept Zzppd’s growing member.

“No, I blame Aabi and Ssthi for what happened to you,” Zzppd said as he began to pull out of Thabbt. “Should we invite them to the wedding?”

“No, and put that thing of yours back where it belongs,” Thabbt said. “I want you to finish what I interrupted this morning.”

“You need help,” Zzppd said. “You need something to calm your mind.”

“I need you to fuck me,” Thabbt said.

“Pubi? Can I come in?” Doopo asked at the door.

“Oh, spunt! Can’t a Bazt get some love around here?” Thabbt asked no one in particular.

“I love you, Dadi,” Doopo said as she bounded into the room and snuggled down in between her pubi and dadi. Probably for the first time in her young life she noticed Zzppd’s engorged member shoved up Thabbt. “Was Pubi loving you, Dadi?”

“Yes, dear, I’m loving Dadi,” Zzppd said.

Doopo glared at Zzppd and said, “I was talking to Dadi, not you. He’s the one with your erection in his anus.”

“Wait a minute,” Thabbt interrupted, “how can you suddenly talk so well? Has Pubi been teaching you things, again?”

“No, the ’xrsc teach me in my room,” Doopo said. “They gave me my own terminal. It can walk, too. I think they said it was robotic, whatever that is.”

“Zzppd, listen to her, she sounds almost like an adult,” Thabbt said. He pulled himself off Zzppd’s member and threw a blanket over his lover. “And, what’s this about her own terminal? Did you have something to do with that?”

“No, Dadi, the ’xrsc came to me because I can see them,” Doopo said.

“Zzppd, help me, our dottir is getting weird,” Thabbt said. “And, Doopo, you cannot see the ’xrsc because they are a computer language. They do not have a physical form.”

“They do too, I saw them,” Doopo said. “I can see them in my room. You can’t because they won’t let you.”

“What’s going on, Zzppd?” Thabbt asked, frantically. “Am I going insane or is this actually happening?”

“Doopo has the recondite awareness gene and obviously it’s making its presence known,” Zzppd said.

“What the heck is the recondite awareness gene?” Thabbt asked.

“It means I can see the ’xrsc,” Doopo said. “Isn’t that right, Pubi?”

“Yes, dear, that is correct,” Zzppd said. “Now, can you go back to your room and play?”

“The ’xrsc want me to go with them, please, Pubi?” Doopo asked sweetly.

“I need to speak with them, Doopo,” Zzppd said. “Go ask your robot to come here.”

“Okay!” Doopo exclaimed as she clambered out of the bed and ran out of the room.

“Are you going to explain what is happening to her?” Thabbt asked. “She’s not acting like your everyday average eighteen-month-old child.”

“Sometimes the recondite awareness gene accelerates a child’s maturation rate,” Zzppd said. “I think it might be best if we let them take her. They know how to teach children like her. Although, we probably won’t see her again, until she’s much older, though she could come back via a recondite time shift anytime she wants or they let her.”

“I didn’t understand a word you said,” Thabbt said. “Other than it would be best if we let her go away.”

At that moment a robot walked into the room with Doopo lagging behind as if it didn’t give her permission to come along. The robot was a standard ’xrsc functionary model with a narrow body and a few limbs in three dimensions and bulky body with numerous limbs in six dimensions. Its face, in three dimensions consisted of three light sensing orifices, a speaker, and two auditory sensing ports.

“You wished to speak with the ’xrsc,” it said, rather than asked as way the ’xrsc way.

“I understand you desire to take Doopo away,” Zzppd said. “Will she be taught to be a ’xrsc human interface?”

“No, the child exhibits a true ’xrsc nature, she needs to be nurtured to become ’xrsc,” the robot said.

“I see,” Zzppd said. “She may accompany you, but we wish frequent reports on her progress.”

“Spid Doop, you are known to us,” the robot said. “We grant you extraordinary access to all ’xrsc. Is that acceptable?”

“Yes,” Zzppd said. “Doopo come here.”

“Yes, Pubi?”

“Kiss Dadi goodbye and please give me a kiss, too,” Zzppd said. “I know you don’t fully realize what is going to happen, but anytime you want to come back to visit, you’re welcome. Okay?”

“Yes, Pubi,” Doopo said. She went to Thabbt and gave him a big hug and a slobbery kiss, as she did with Zzppd, too. “Goodbye, Pubi and Dadi.”

And, with that, Doopo and the robot stepped into the recondite dimensions and disappeared.

“Are you going to explain or do I have to look it up myself?” Thabbt asked.

“What do you want to know?” Zzppd asked.

“How our child went from a normal, everyday eighteen-month-old child to an adult in a child’s body would be a good place to start,” Thabbt said. “Or, why did that robot change appearance every time it changed position. I couldn’t tell if it had two, four, or eight arms and its feet—were there two or four feet?—looked like they were pointed in different directions. And, where did they just go?”

“Maybe it would be better if you looked all of that up,” Zzppd said, “but I’ll give you the short answer. The robot exists in six dimensions, but you can only see three. So, each time it shifts position you see different parts of it. Yes, it probably had at least four feet, maybe more. As to where they went, well, if you understood the recondite dimensional aspect of ’xrsc human interfaces, such as that robot, you could say they’re still here, but not here in the sense of now.”

“What?” Thabbt asked with the look of total confusion.

“You see, Thabbt, a long time ago there was this professor of natural history who, on 35 Coomb 405 bx,” Zzppd started.

“Wait, stop, what is 35 Coomb 405 bx?” Thabbt asked, looking more and more confused.

“Okay, it’s obvious you know little about the Argotteans,” Zzppd said, “but before ’xrsc enlightenment and the development of the standard year, the Argottean calendar had thirteen months and either three hundred sixty-three, three hundred sixty-seven, or three hundred seventy-one days, depending on how the high priests of the Excretory Disciples of Hurl determined the length of time between planting and harvesting broccoli on Taardi’velt Plain. The second month of the year is Coomb, named after the god of edible fowl and a very specific mob of ravens, and has thirty-seven days. The thirty-fifth day of Coomb is Stoomp Day which celebrates a famed restaurateur who made a lot of money selling fried broccoli and steamed lentil sandwiches and everybody on Argotte celebrates with broccoli fries, but the most important event on 35 Coomb is the Pedantic Lecture Competition at Nits Rock University.”

“Is this going to take long?” Thabbt asked shifting position.

“You wanted to know where Doopo and the robot went,” Zzppd said, “but you don’t even know the basics of Argottean life. As I was saying, in 405 bx, which is the four hundred fifth year before ’xrsc enlightenment, on Stoomp Day, at the Pedantic Lecture Competition at Nits Rock University, ’psi’boo Professor of Natural Philosophy Jooli psi’Nubi’psi’bdebebli, presented his very brief forty-two volume Theory of Experiential Reality where he proved reality consisted of four physical dimensions and two recondite dimensions.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Thabbt said, happily. “But, what are the recondite dimensions?”

“The recondite dimensions are the key to all that is ’xrsc,” Zzppd said. “There are two basic recondite dimensions, here-there and now-then. The ’xrsc were built to explore the universe, which is now recognized to actually be many universes, using Professor Jooli’s dimensional propositions. The manufacturing consortium that tried to build the ’xrsc ran into a slight problem because, being three dimensional creatures, humans can’t build something that exists in six dimensions, two of which are recondite, so they programmed their computers to solve the problem, which, as I’m sure you’re aware, eventually enabled the ’xrsc to achieve sentience. Anyway, the recondite dimensions, now-then and here-there, enabled that ’xrsc robot to be here, in this room, now, at this time, but also, at the same time, be somewhere else at a different time. The recondite awareness gene, which Doopo obviously has, enables her to do the same thing. So, when they disappeared, they simply moved across the recondite dimensions to someplace else at some other time.”

“I’m confused,” Thabbt admitted.

“Look, when I first had to deal with the ’xrsc back when I started working outside our habitat, I learned a little story that kind of explains the recondite dimensions,” Zzppd said. “I’m sure, once you memorize it, you’ll be able to understand just a little of what happened to Doopo. It goes like this: walk around back and through the car door into the fried broccoli and steamed lentil restaurant, go up three rows and across five tables, reach up into the cabinet on the right side of the kitchen sink and steal a Binz biscuit your grandmamt bought for her oldest daughter’s fifth birthday last Twimbsday afternoon, two minutes before your boss chewed you out for coming back late from lunch, again, at that strange little café around back behind the privy in your neighbor’s backyard.”

“What? That’s an explanation?” Thabbt exclaimed. “I’m going to have a bath. This makes my head hurt.”

“No, wait! Just think about it and you’ll understand,” Zzppd said following Thabbt into the bathroom.

“No, I don’t want to understand,” Thabbt said as he began filling the tub. “You do the understanding around here. You seem to do that very well. But, you know, with Doopo gone, we’re going to have to make another baby.”

“But you have to marry me first,” Zzppd said.

“And that is what I intend to do,” Thabbt said.