My Only Escape - 40. Chapter 40 (Part One)

"I'm so glad that you came over today." Brody sighed, wistfully...and I found myself swooning from the sentiment.

"Me too..." I answered softly. It could, sometimes, feel so easy for me to talk to Brody that it felt like it didn't take any effort at all. And then...there other times when my brain would freeze, and the words get caught up in the back of my throat...my breath gets short, and I start shaking myself all to pieces in front of him...so terrified that anything I say is not going to come out right, or that it'll be insulting in some way where I screw up the tender moment. And then...there are times when I get stuck in the middle and cant really tell which is which. Those times are the scariest, I think. Because it's all up to me to make the final decision, and if I mess up, I've got nobody to blame other than myself. Nobody.

Ugh! That voice in my head just wont leave me alone. It won't stop. I try to block it out, but it's always chasing me. Forcing me to listen to it. And I'm soooo tired of hating myself at this point. So the only way for me to deal with it emotionally is to try to project it outward and pretend like it's somebody else's fault that I feel like shit. Even if it's Brody, who's shown me nothing but love and affection from the very first day that we met. It's not fair. I need to stop. I have to get out of my own head and actually appreciate life and lover for what it is, instead of always assuming that it's some sort of a heartless deception meant to hurt me to my very core. That's not what this is. It's NOT!

This isn't Brody's fault. This is MY fault! And if I don't find a way to sit down and accept that...how do I ever expect to heal from the damage that's been done to me...inside and out? No. No more. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life feeling like this. I refuse to wait until I'm lying on my death bed some day before I realize how much I regret not trying to fix this pain inside when I had the chance to be a better person. It isn't anybody else's responsibility to repair me or make me love myself...that's my job. And, if the lovliest boy in my life can just be patient enough with me to take those first few baby steps towards making my life something worth sharing with a boy of his caliber...then I'll make him proud. I swear I will.

Enough with the bullshit excuses. Either I'm going to climb out of this emotional quicksand, or I'm going to die trying. No more just sitting here, sinking deeper, while blaming the quicksand for being 'mean' to me. I'm done with that now. So done.

I'm tired of hurting the people I love all the time for the sake of feeling safe in my own misery.

"What if...your mom comes home early?" I asked, and Brody just smiled at me, those mesmerizing bright eyes almost putting me in a trance.

"My mom doesn't even get off from work for another hour and a half. By the time they hit the bowling alley, get a few lanes, order some drinks, have some fun, and then gets back here to the house...you and I are going to be all worn out. Hehehe! Trust me on this. The house is all ours. K?"

"That's the best news that I've heard in a long time." I said, and draped my arms over his shoulders to kiss him deeply on the lips, feeling him rest his hands, firmly, on my hips. It was so easy for him to take my breath away, but his magical kiss did it every single time. A euphoric blast of adrenaline filled endorphins flooded into my bloodstream...my rapidly beating heart pushing it through my system like bolts of lightning as I attempted to hold myself still long enough to enjoy the feel of his tender lips pressed against my own.

It wasn't easy. Hehehe, Brody's every touch always gives me a terrifying case of the 'wiggles', and yet, I tried to stay steady, regardless.

It was then that our kiss disconnected briefly, and Brody just took a moment to look into me eyes. Even though I was shaking, I held the contact, and I let him look directly into my soul. Up close and personal. The soul that he helped to cultivate into something truly special. Something that I never thought it could be were it not for his cheerful influence. "You're so beautiful, Zack."

I giggled. I know that he was testing me, and I almost failed. Because the urge to suddenly refuse the compliment and tell him that I wasn't had worked its way up from the center of my wounded heart, up my throat, and was waiting right there on the tip of my tongue...but I just pressed my lips together tightly, and gave him a goofy smile without saying anything at all. I still felt it, sure, but I didn't ruin the moment. Promise.

"You're getting better at this, you know that?" He grinned.

"Mmm hmmm..." I said, afraid to open my mouth and say something self deprecating. Besides, it felt kind of cool to hold on to the praise for a few seconds longer.

"Hahaha! That's cute! Come here!" Brody said, and grabbed me by the face to bring me in for another deep kiss, this time...our tongues mingling slowly as we enjoyed the silence and privacy provided to us without having to hide our feelings from anybody else. We didn't even have to tone it down for Sam and Adam's sake this time. It was just us. And it felt amazing.

We fell backwards onto his bed, and as our clothes fell to the floor like the useless confining entanglements that they were...I felt Brody's smooth, warm, skin sliding up against mine...and in that moment, I felt whole again. In fact, I don't think that I've ever felt so alive in my entire life.

What kind of magic does he have flowing through him at all time...where he can so quickly...so effortlessly...take the hurt away? All of the shame and the anger and the self pity? It can be soooo frightening to think that I could only ever find any sense of salvation at all through the beauty of his kiss. That's why loving him was always such a risk. From day one, I've been trying to run from it. I've been trying to pretend that it wasn't even there, much less find the courage to admit to myself that I needed it as much as I obviously did. I never knew how to just give over this level of trust to anyone. Not something that I ever learned, I suppose. But the more we kissed on his bed...the more he pulled me on top of him, and then rolled over to pull him on top of me...the more those not ridden emotions of mine began to unwind. The more I allowed myself to explore this overwhelming barrage of feelings and simply lt things happen the way that I'm hoping they were meant to happen.

Time doesn't exist. Not in this place. Just his love and mine. Completely in sync with one another, and bonded together for as long as he'll have me. Which...I'm kind of hoping will be forever.

Brody's soft lips kissed me on the cheek a few times, his arms snaking around me as my hips pushed themselves forward just seconds before he did the same. Then those kiss moved down to kiss the side of my neck. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply as I found myself getting all caught up in the rapture of the moment. And then...completely lost in it. I could feel Brody's tongue licking my skin as his gentle suction sent shivers through me...head to toe. I loved the scent of his curly, not curly, brown hair. A perfect balance of warm honey and maple syrup. And as I buried my nose in his silken locks, I felt Brody roll on top of me again, pressing his weight down on me as my legs instinctively spread wide to accept him into my full body embrace. And it only took a few grinds and rubs of his hardness against mine before I felt my feet lifting themselves off of the mattress, and my legs wrapping around him to pull him closer...my ankles locking themselves together around the small of his back. Brody moaned softly against my neck, and pushed himself into me a few more times before moving his kiss back to my lips to engage me with even more passion than ever before.

He could leave me so breathless at times.

Every touch was a thrill. Every kiss a blessing. Every thrust a promise of even higher levels of ecstasy to come before the afternoon was over. And as I could feel the warm leak of his clear, boyish, liquids mixed between us...I began to shudder and wiggle with something that felt like an orgasm...but it was almost more intense. It was like this emotional euphoria that you can only experience when you truly let go of everything else and cave in for the sake of the intimate power of the moment. My eyes popped open, and I was afraid that I might have wasted a perfectly good eruption by shooting too early...but neither one of us were wet enough down there yet. I was just...enjoying myself. Enjoying HIM! Imagine that...

Now determined to get as much sexy boy loving in as I possibly could, seeing as I doubt I'd be able to survive another one of those little spiritual tantrums without totally letting loose...I hugged Brody even tighter to my body and just stopped kissing those magical lips for a few moments so I could rest my chin on his shoulder and let him hump me a few more times while I whimpered meekly from the pleasure of it all.

It was then that Brody lightly nibbled at my ear lobe, and he whispered, "I love you so much..."

I wasn't going to be able to hold it much longer. But I didn't resist his love this time though. Instead, with my eyes beginning to tear up slightly, I did what I could to fight the trembling delivery of my affectionate response. "I love you too, Brody. I do."

When he heard my voice shaking, instead of drawing any attention to it, he just kissed me on the lips again, his tongue sliding into my mouth as we continued to writhe and explore one another's bodies in a way that only two teenage boys can. Boys helplessly in love.

I rolled to my side, hoping to make things last for just a little bit longer. But this time, I didn't feel so awful for taking more of an initiative this time around. I took a hold of his hardness in my hand, feeling it jump, pulse, and throb, under the tender squeeze of my fingertips...and as I shifted around to let my tongue dance sensually around the rim of his shallow belly button, his flat tummy heaving and tightening up up with anticipation...I gave him a few strokes, and licked around the tip of his excitement...gathering up as much of the sweet and sour liquid as I could...before sinking my lips down further down to engulf a good half of his inches all at once.

I could hear Brody gasp out loud, his back arching slightly as he appreciated this new, unrestricted approach to our sexual activity. I used my tongue the best way that I knew how, and dragged my moist lips back up to the tip...so happy to find more of his sugary sweet liquid waiting there for me. Hehehe, I could tell that he was trying to hold still as I wiped his clear offering all over my lips, before licking them clean and going back down for more. I think I made it even further down than I did the first time, and Brody began panting so heavily that I opened my eyes and looked back up at him to make sure that he was ok.

Body was laying back, spread eagle, with his eyes closed and his mouth parted slightly as he attempted to control himself. Encouragement in its finest form, if you ask me. So I began to rhythmically bob and suck and lick him all over until I noticed his legs squirming slightly to spread even wider for me. It was at that time that I raised my sucking mouth over his tip, and licked my way down to begin burying my nose and lips up against the soft warm sack beneath...drawing the sensitive nuggets into my mouth one at a time, and giving them the love they deserved.

"Holy shit...!" Brody gasped again, and his right hand immediately moved down to rub my back while I teased him with my tongue...and then he drew his knees up slightly, threading his fingers through my hair as his whole body began to shake violently fro what he was feeling. He was twisting slightly, and I put my hand on his balls where my mouth was in order to slide my way back up to his tip and envelop him in the warmth of my vacuum all over again. He was soooo close...and I didn't want to miss it.

"Mmmmm..." I moaned, and began to suck him harder. I think my teeth might have accidentally scraped him a few times, considering the way his body jerked, but I got right back to making him feel good again a second or two later. Sorry, babe. I got a little overzealous there for a moment. He just tastes soooo good!

"Ok! Zack, I'm super close now..." He whimpered with delightful urgency. And when I just kept going, he held my head down and suddenly I could feel the massive swelling in his rubbery tip as his shaft tightened and his body went rigid. At that moment...I couldn't hold back for a second longer. I scooted forward on my knees and then began to grind my hips into the softness of his sheets as I got all lightheaded and dizzied myself with a powerful release that I could no longer control. Shot after shot, stream after stream, of my heated seed covered the fabric beneath me while I just tried to hold on to my sweet Brody for dear life. I was moaning and crying out, my sexual bliss muffled by the length of the agitated shaft in my mouth. And as I was trying to get back up on my knees to regain balance, a few extra splashes of my orgasm were forced out of me without me even touching myself, hitting the side of Brody's thigh...bringing him over the edge as well. "OMIGOD!!!" He said out loud, and the first few powerful jets of his orgasm fired off into my sucking mouth. So much that I had to hold some of it in and swallow it down a little bit at a time. Thick, juicy, offerings of his nectar that just kept exploding faster than I could get rid of it. And then...as the tremors began to subside...I slowed down, and nursed at his spent erection, stroking out as much of his juice as I could before it could get soft enough to deprive me of a single drop.

And once we were done, I crawled back into bed beside him and we both just laid next to each other for a little bit while trying to catch our breath. I could feel the giant wet splotch that I had left on his sheets underneath me...but even as it was turning cold and sticky in record time...I didn't really care. I just wanted to spend some quality time with my boyfriend right now. That's all. I mean, there was a part of me that was trying to ignore the fear and anguish that is certain to come my way once I'm forced to go home and face my father's wrath for disobeying him and coming home so late from school. But if I'm going to be beaten down to the floor and made to feel worthless for everything that I am anyway? I might as well spend my last treasured moments with someone who really cares for me. Someone who was willing to believe in me, and make feel as though everything will, one day...be ok. I'm not going to let his vindictive bullshit and constant aggression take that away from me today. Not today.

"You ok?" Brody asked me. I hadn't realized that I had spaced out on him and gotten lost in my thoughts all over again.

I turned my head to look at him, adoring those bright eyes like I always have. And I sighed with a smile, "I'm awesome..."

"Yes. Yes, you are." He grinned. He reached down to stroke what I guess he was thinking going to be a hard length that was simply begging for equal attention. Hehehe, but I came so hard just from making him happy that my body was a bit worn out from it. He felt me, only half hard, and still a bit wet down there. "You didn't wait for me!" He made this surprised face, and it caused me to giggle out loud.

"Sorry. I was a bit...'involved' at the moment of impact." I said.

"But...wait..." Brody asked, propping himself up on one elbow to look over me. "...Where did it go?"

"Oh..." I said. "Ummm...it's kind of...all over your sheets and stuff. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it."

Brody just hugged me close, kissing me on the lips. "It's ok. I just...wow. Cool. Hehehe!" Then he politely asked me, "Are you cold? Come here..." And he reached behind him to take a bit of his blanket to fold it over himself, scooting in even closer to me to drape it over my legs and shoulders, only to hug his arms around me and kiss me gently on the forehead as he used his embrace to keep me warm. Oh wow...it was like Heaven, being in his arms like that.

And that's where we stayed for about twenty minutes or more, just sharing soft kisses and even softer whispers...speaking so closely that out lips were touching anyway. So why not kiss some more? Hehehe! He asked me if I was a bit more comfortable now, and as much as I wanted to say yes, I found myself being like, "Ummm...not really. Hehehe! I think your sheets are sticking to me now."

"Hahaha! Well, that's what you get for beating me to the punch today. You, like...totally cheated."

"Yeah. I know." I blushed.

But Brody just gave me another kiss, and then he tossed the blankets back to get out of bed and walk over to his closet. And you'd better believe that I watched him every single step of the way. He was completely naked. Like...completely! With a sexy tan line, and smooth athletic thighs, and a sexy tuft of hair at the base of his shaft...still semi hard...and bouncing as he walked around the be to open the closet door...showing me the ample globes of that firm ass of his as he bent over to grab a big comforter from the bottom, in the back. Just seeing him walking around so comfortable without a strip of clothes on him, it started to make me hard again. I rolled over on my back and put my hands behind my head to let him see what he was doing to me. And when he saw me arising for another occasion...he snickered a little bit and put the comforter in a nearby desk chair before saying, "Well, now...hold on just a second! Hehehe!" And then he moved back to the bed and started trying to yank the blanket and bed sheets right out from under me!

"HAHAHAHA!!! Brody, dude! What are you doing???"

"We need to get these off of here first! Only the best for MY boyfriend! Hehehe!" He giggled, pulling them even harder, which was causing my fully naked body to nearly roll over onto his bedroom floor while playfully struggling to hold on to the headboard. Omigod! What the hell???

He finally was able to pull the sheets off of the bed and toss them into the corner. "Jesus!" I grinned.

"That's better!" He said, and he scampered his way back onto the bed, with the extra warm comforter in hand, inviting me to join him so he could do a much better job of keeping me warm and safe. And, what do you know? I think it worked. Hehehe!