The Secret Life of Billy Chase 6 - 10. Chapter 10

Friday

- One of the first things I saw when I woke up this morning was a return email from Brandon. It came at like 2 o'clock in the morning though, so he must have been up awfully late last night. Who knows what he was thinking. The strange thing though was the overall feel of the message. The way he was writing....I don't know. The 'tone' was off, you know? It didn't sound like him at all. It was...like...sad.

It's hard to explain, but anytime I hear anything from Brandon, even online...there's, like...this feeling I get inside. Even when he's ANGRY at me, the feeling is still there. There has always been this weird...passion that exists between us whether we're happy or unhappy. And all of a sudden...that extra little something seemed muffled, if not suffocated of his email altogether. I don't know, maybe I was just reading too much into it, but the vibe felt weird. It's not like him to feel so distant from me.

He was just sending me a short answer to my email about Stevie being ok, and he was basically like, "Yeah...Stevie's fine. He's going through a hard time with a couple of boys picking on him. Calling him a fag and pushing him around. I don't think they know he's gay for sure, but you know how it goes. All it takes is one 'scapegoat related comment' and things just seem to keep getting worse from there." And then Brandon added, "I'll be sure to tell him you asked about him. I'm sure he'll appreciate it. Thanks, Billy." And then there was a sad face following the sentence....and the email was just...over. Like I said, it's not like Brandon to be so lifeless. Even when it's just some text on a computer screen.

I never really thought of Stevie as someone who would be so sensitive to teasing. Well...I mean, I guess anybody would be hurt by teasing to a degree. I mean, it's high school. Reputation is pretty much everything. It's the only real social currency that we've got in that place. Still...Stevie's got his nasty side too. I know because I've seen it. It just strikes me as odd that he could go from talking about how much he enjoyed fucking my boyfriend....to breaking down into full blown sobs and sniffles over a few stupid comments. Especially from guys that I doubt he gives two shits about.

It just seems weird to me. But, whatever. If he's ok, then he's ok. I can officially stop thinking about him now. Him and Brandon seemed all sweet and cozy again at school today, so I guess his crisis is temporarily over.

By the way, when I say they were 'cozy', I don't mean like...they were holding hands or kissing in the hallway or anything. Trust me, it's not that easy. But when I see them together, knowing what's really going on behind the big homo-curtain, I can tell they're together. I doubt anybody else even notices. They don't see the slightly extended eye contact, or the secretve touches, or the flirtatious tilt of a smile. I doubt they even pay attention to the fact that they're together more often than most 'just friends' relationships between two boys would ever require. But I do. I see it clear as day. I wonder if I looked around the school at other bromances in this place, if I could find even more boys like me. Boys who are probably just as confused and awkward about things as I am. Going through the same ups and downs, having the same crushes, suffering through the same break ups. Basically just living the same life as me, but in a totally unique way.If that makes any sense at all.

It boggles the mind. Hehehe!

Speaking of other gay boy possibilities, I definitely made a detour on the way to my English class to stop by and see Jimmy LaPlane at his locker. He blushed the second that he saw me, and kinda gave me a smile to make it seem like everything was ok, but I could tell from the way he was hiding his eyes from me that he was still a bit ashamed about the things he said to me. They weren't THAT bad, but I guess it made him feel bad. And even though I didn't mention it outright, I made sure that he wasn't keeping any bottled up feelings about it. No need for any of that. The faster he forgets about it, the faster I can forget about it.

Geez, is that weird or what? Before now, only Sam had that kind of forgiveness clause with me. I wonder how Jimmy managed to get into our little VIP club. But...I dunno...he's kinda welcome.