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RIP - Comicality
    craftingmom
  • craftingmom
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  • 06/03/2015
  • 128 Words
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  • 8 Comments
Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Attempts at Poetry - 4. His Secret Crush

Poetry Prompt #10: Italian Sonnet
The theme was to use a dream, and mine are often of possible stories. So this poem reflects part of what may be my next story...

Poetry Prompt #10: Italian Sonnet

 

Secret Crush

 

He flew through the still air like an angel

muscles bulged, face hard in concentration,

slowly levering through a rotation.

I never knew he could be so graceful.

He hung on those rings so high and frightful.

I stared, watched in awe and frustration.

Why had I viewed him in degradation

Thinking him both weak and his sport shameful?

But then with a final flip and a twist,

his hands slipped from the rings to fly around.

I held my breath, trying hard to resist

the urge to run to him as he hit ground.

As he landed firmly, checking his wrist,

I turned and slipped away without a sound.

Poetry Prompt #10: Italian Sonnet
The theme was to use a dream, and mine are often of possible stories. So this poem reflects part of what may be my next story...
Copyright © 2015 craftingmom; All Rights Reserved.
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Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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AC Benus

AC Benus 36,103

Posted (edited)

I think the imagery here is super strong. You've balanced the 'poetics' [the gears and levers of the poetic requirements] with a vivid narrative style. That's great.

I love too knowing that this was dream, for on a personal level, my dreams about writing and my characters are pretty incessant. I hope you continue with creating more sonnets, and I encourage you to look at the other poetry prompts as well.

If I can prop my teacherly cap a little to the side and offer one small suggestion, it would be this: I think 'check his wrist,' without the 's' would be just as effective, and then make a perfect rhyme for 'resist.'

Thank you for taking the poetry prompt challenge!

Edited by AC Benus
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craftingmom
On 06/06/2015 02:09 AM, AC Benus said:

I think the imagery here is super strong. You've balanced the 'poetics' [the gears and levers of the poetic requirements] with a vivid narrative style. That's great.

 

I love too knowing that this was dream, for on a personal level, my dreams about writing and my characters are pretty incessant. I hope you continue with creating more sonnets, and I encourage you to look at the other poetry prompts as well.

 

If I can prop my teacherly cap a little to the side and offer one small suggestion, it would be this: I think 'check his wrist,' without the 's' would be just as effective, and then make a perfect rhyme for 'resist.'

 

Thank you for taking the poetry challenge!

thank you. I actually had just 'wrist' at first but changed it :) I'll fix it because I think you're right it's better without the s.

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craftingmom
On 06/04/2015 12:01 PM, Dabeagle said:

Not a poetry fan, but I liked this. A lot.

Thank you so much! :)

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Mikiesboy

Oh this was very good. The imagery was spot on. I'm working my way through the prompts slowly but not here yet. This was great!
Thank you,
tim

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Headstall

I didn't realize you wrote poetry... this was superb. Your dream is a story waiting to be told. I was there through the whole routine, with the narrator. Where has he gone, and why? Well done, CM. Cheers... Gary...

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craftingmom
On 11/29/2015 03:42 AM, Headstall said:

I didn't realize you wrote poetry... this was superb. Your dream is a story waiting to be told. I was there through the whole routine, with the narrator. Where has he gone, and why? Well done, CM. Cheers... Gary...

I write a little poetry, here and there, but it's usually been free form or rhyming. I've been trying to challenge myself a bit by going out of my comfort zone with the prompts--both poetry and creative. I'm glad you enjoyed my effort! Thank you!

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craftingmom
On 11/29/2015 03:34 AM, Mikiesboy said:

Oh this was very good. The imagery was spot on. I'm working my way through the prompts slowly but not here yet. This was great!

Thank you,

tim

Thank you! I'm doing that too, trying to attempt each kind--but some I just can't seem to get anything going for. I'm glad you liked this one. It will be a story some day (one chapter is written) after I finish the one I've got going now.

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