To Sammy With Love - 3. Chapter 3

Saturday morning arrived with Peter getting up early. No Friday night steam bath visits and not much booze meant he awoke with a clear head, and mouth. Both he and Brenda were very subdued all week with the news from Karl and Maria.

They realized that their friends had become victims of one of nature’s cruelest acts. Maria, Brenda told Peter, was uncharacteristically quiet. All she said was that she loves Karl and that they will get through this crisis together. Brenda wasn't fooled.

Brenda also sensed that Peter was deeply troubled, apparently about Karl’s news. He had become very withdrawn and quiet. All Peter would say was he felt deeply for Karl and had offered help in any way, should Karl want it. However, Brenda sensed that something else was troubling him. She had caught him at times staring unto the distance. For some time now, she sensed that they were drifting apart. They had sex only infrequently and this was usually fueled by alcohol. She understood that sex was important to maintain the bonding process between two people.

Being the practical person she was she turned her attention to the coming day's needs. The kids, breakfast, tidying and shopping. The girls were going to a birthday party this afternoon, so her whole day was organized ahead of her. Luckily, Peter was going to the footy this afternoon. She would at least be spared his brooding company.

Peter strolled into the kitchen and said nothing until he poured himself a cup of coffee. “Mornin' ‘babe” he mumbled. “Mornin' girls - how’re my princesses this morning?” There followed the usual effervescent chatter of children trying to gain attention of parents.

Before he had a chance to intervene, Susie piped up and said. “Dada, what’s a prick?”

Silence.

Brenda abruptly ceased what she was doing and Peter stood at the table dumbfounded. Too shocked to respond, the silence was broken by Susie again repeating “Dada what’s a prick?”

Finding his voice at last Peter said sternly “Where did you hear that word - it’s very rude?” To that Susie replied,

“I heard Uncle Rick say that the Prime Minister is a prick.” Narrelle then joined in challenging her sister. “He did not Susie -

You’re wrong. He said the Prime Minister is a stupid prick. And I know what stupid is ‘cause you’re stupid.”

“Am not ‘relle,” shouted an incensed Susie. “Am not stupid - You’re stupid.”

This saved their parents, because the first question was forgotten while the two girls battled to accuse each other of being stupid.

Needing to get a word in, and ease the situation, Brenda asked

“What time are you heading out to the footy?”

“Rick’s coming by around 12:15 and we’re meeting Karl about 12:30 at the pub.”

Brenda noticed that Peter still seemed subdued and asked “Hon. is everything O K? You don’t seem happy - a bit pre-occupied. If it’s about Karl, Maria told me yesterday that her cousin was coming down for the weekend and this should spark Karl up. There’s nothing like a third person to divert personal problems. She also said that they had started to consider adoption. But Karl had still not told his father.”

“How do you think Maria’s taking it? Do you think it’ll damage their relationship?”

“Hard to tell” said Brenda sadly. “I hope it doesn’t - They are a great couple together.”

“Well,” Pete said as he finished his coffee and got up. "Only time will tell.”

Rick dully arrived at 12. Noon and they set out to meet Karl at the pub. Karl was late, so Peter and Rick settled down with a couple of beers. “Any news about Karl and his big problem?” Rick gently inquired. “Nope,” Replied Peter. “But, it’s not a problem that can’t be overcome”

“Well, you and Karl are pretty thick so I know you’ll help him through whatever ails him. C’mon, give me a clue.”

“Sorry Rick. I promised Karl I would keep our natter just between Karl and me. However, I don’t like mysterious secrets. I’ll tell you if Karl says OK. OK?”

“Well, speak of the devil here’s Karl now - and his buddy. G’day my friend”, roared Rick “UP SAINTS”.

“G’day Rick, you noisy bastard,” retorted Karl. Then when Peter turned around to face Karl, he stared straight at – Sam! Sam from the bathhouse. Sam, whom he hadn’t given a solitary thought during the past two weeks. Now here he was standing in front of him, about to be introduced by Karl as Maria's cousin.

Peter suddenly felt breathless. Sam was dressed in a white T-Shirt with a “freo” logo, and tight blue jeans. Peter felt the same pleasant flush as when he had first spied the lad at the bathhouse. What gorgeous brown eyes. And handsome features. And kissable lips. And that muscled chest. And he smelt great. He longed to kiss him.

To Sammy time seemed to stop. Peter had been in his thoughts constantly. He had waited and waited for a call but - nothing. He had given up - he was just another trophy, just another screw. So, Peter was married. That probably explained why he hadn’t called back. All the same, Sammy didn’t like being used. Sure, he enjoyed passive sex, but he was no easy prey. And now Peter was standing before him and being introduced by Karl. He felt pissed off.

Time paused for a whole micro second. It was as if they had become isolated from the rest of the people in the bar. Even the noise level diminished as they stared at each other in stunned recognition. Peter watched Sam’s surprise turn to the beginnings of anger.

In reality, this eternity of silence lasted only several seconds. Karl proceeded to introduce Sam to both Peter and Karl. Neither Karl nor Rick noticed the flash of recognition that had passed between Sammy and Peter.

“Pete, this is Maria's cousin Sam, who is staying with us for the weekend. Poor lad, he’s a Freo supporter. But as you can see he’s got broad shoulders and a thick skin.”

“Call me Sammy,” invited Sam while shaking hands with both Peter and Rick.

“How ‘bout we call you ‘Sammy the poor Freo bastard’?” joked

Rick. Peter thought--- good on you Rick for lightening the atmosphere.

“OK,” laughed Sam. then queried, “My shout?”

As Sammy walked away Rick said, “Seems like a good bloke” And to Karl “Have you known him long?”

“Nah”, responded Karl “he came over from Perth a few months back - trouble with his old man. Maria’s mum helped him settle in a place but we haven’t seen him since he came over. Its Maria’s dad’s birthday tomorrow and he’s down for the BBQ.

After a few more beers, they made their way to the footy ground. The game was close, exciting and immensely enjoyed by Rick and Karl. The Saints were on top right from the get-go. But to Peter and Sam the strain of being together, but apart, was hard. No opportunity to speak privately presented itself at the footy ground. However, they frequently looked at each other, conversing with their eyes. Sammy had claimed the moral high ground, which left Peter uncomfortable.

God he’s beautiful thought Peter. I want to embrace him - tell him I’m sorry for not calling. But I didn’t make any promises did I? Nor did I give him my number in return. He really has no right to get heavy with me. If only I could get him alone, so we could talk. He now knows that I’m married. That must explain why I hadn’t called him. And what about Karl? He seemed to have shrugged off all his worries of being sterile. He was enjoying Sam’s company. In fact, everyone except me is enjoying the footy. What a mess. I’m attracted to both Karl and Sam. It’s frustrating. My life is becoming too complicated.

The ‘Saints’ won in a close game, so to celebrate the win, the four of them returned to the local pub. Foreigners, - those unfortunates that do not follow the game of Aussie Rules, cannot ever understand the religious fervor of the game’s supporters. Just to see a game of ‘footy’ is exhilarating, but if your team wins, exuberance reaches a height of insanity. The beer flowed freely.

Rick was a character. The more he drank he somehow became more endearing. Ultimately, Sammy was introduced to Peter’s friends - all Saints supporters, and all in carefree spirits. Sam covertly took stock of the ‘lads’ and concluded that Peter and Karl were by far the most attractive. But where Karl was drop-dead good looking, Peter was very desirable, especially to Sam.

Christ, he thought, Peter really turns me on. He radiates the image of the dominant aggressive male. He’s not “pretty” handsome but is ruggedly masculine.

Sammy remembered his muscular torso with its light covering of hair. Every so often, Sam’s gaze would wonder to Peter’s crutch and the memory of those hidden delights. Please - Please - just let me feel him one more time and I will be forever happy.

Just then, a tanned and muscled arm draped itself around Sammy. “How’re ya goin’ mate”, slurred Rick. “Hope youse enjoyed the game and the piss up. Now you’re living here, we’ll have to make you a Saints supporter. Hey better still, why don’t you come down to our local footy club - we’re looking for a rover and you look like you can handle it.”

“Thanks Rick, but I gave up footy about 4 years ago. I’m now out of condition” - Shit, thought Sam, Rick smelt like the proverbial brewery.

“Balls,” Growled Rick, “You do heavy work as a builder’s laborer. That should keep you in top condition.”

At that moment, Peter leaned across and gave Sam a business card. “Talking about being fit, here’s my business card. Any time you want, I’ll give you a free physio. Read it carefully” he looked at Sam pointedly as he said the last words.

“Thank you Peter,” Sammy said formally. “That’s very nice of you.”

“What’s this “thank you Peter” bullshit,” rumbled Rick, “Peters a fucking arsehole. You can be a dead prick at times, Pete my boy. Any way - your shout Pete. Go get another round.”

As Peter went off to the bar, Sam disentangled himself from Rick and headed for the toilet. Curious about the card, Sam pulled it out and read it. The front showed Peters business details, including his mobile, while on the back was written

Have to talk to you

Call me on my mobile As soon as you read this I’m really sorry Sammy

Sammy looked at the message and experienced a wave of relief, and then became curious. Well, no time but the present - Peter was supposedly away at the bar. He dialed Peter’s mobile number. After several rings, Peter answered with -

“Hello, Peter here.” After a moment’s hesitation Sammy said, “Peter, its Sam. - Your note said to call you.”

“Oh, yeah, umm, yeah. I desperately need to talk. Real and I mean real glad you called. I suppose it’s been as shitty for you as it has for me. Where are you now?” Peter sounded anxious.

“In the toilet - rented a cubicle - ha, ha, ha. Yeah - I guess a talk would be good. Now would not be good. What do you suggest?”

“Ah - What time are you going back to Melbourne tomorrow?” “Bout five,” replied Sammy. “You know about my uncle’s BBQ at Karl’s place?”

“Yeah, - Look, you’ve got my business address on my card. How about we meet there on your way home. You give me a call when you leave Karl’s and I’ll meet you out front.” Peter was talking fast and betraying his nervousness.

“OK by me - see you around 5pm tomorrow. And Peter, I don’t enjoy being a trophy.” With that, Sammy hung up before Peter could respond.

When Sammy returned to the lads, Peter was just delivering their drinks. He gave Sam a questioning look and Sam responded with a smile.

After a while, Sam was feeling a little, if not a lot, drunk. He noticed that Karl’s eyes were getting glassy. On the other hand, Peter seemed to carry his booze very well. Rick had become legless and kept putting his arm around Sammy. At one stage Peter said forcefully “Geez Rick Leave Sammy alone - you look like yer gonna kiss him.”

“Ahh - fuck off Peter, Sammy’s me mate - he’s gonna come and play with the dolphins next year, and we’ll screw every Sheila on the peninsula. Right Sammy?”

“Yeah right Rick. You’re me mate, but if you kiss me people might get the wrong idea.”

“No - Not I mate. I can’t be a poofter - I’m too ugly”, said Rick laughing at his own joke. Peter and Sam shared a look between them.

At some stage, Karl’s mobile rang. It was Maria to say that she was outside to take them home. Karl said a somewhat cool goodbye to Peter while Rick enveloped Sam in a bear hug.

“Look after my little buddy Karl - he’s gonna be a champion rover for the team, and -”

Karl interrupted by disentangling Sammy from Rick. Sammy said formally “Goodbye Peter, nice to meet you. Hope to see you again.”

“Yeah - ok Sammy,” responded Peter. “Nice to meet you too".

Arriving home, Karl and Sam sat outside enjoying a few more cans of beer. Dinner was from McDonald's because Maria was preparing the food for tomorrows BBQ.

“Well, what did you think of the lads?” asked Karl.

“Seemed like good blokes,” offered Sam “Ricks a character. I like him. He’s very open and honest.”

“Yeah,” said Karl. “With Rick, what you see is what you get. I don’t think he’s got a devious bone in him. He’s basic, and that’s why I like him. What about Peter, did you find him a bit stand-offish?”

“A bit,” acknowledged Sammy. “Although I’ve only just met him and I try not to make impulsive judgments about people.”

“A good plan,” granted Karl. “Yeah, Pete and I are pretty close. I confide all my problems to him. He’s more than a friend to me, more like a big brother. I like him a lot. He’s a good-looking guy and I suppose his work keeps him really fit. Brenda, his wife, is a good sort and they’ve got two great little girls. Brenda is very basic, what you could call “salt of the earth” type. They make a good couple. But, ya know Sammy, I’ve noticed a bit of a change in Pete these last six months. It’s as if he’s getting restless or something. He seems to be troubled. I’ve been meaning to talk to him but, just recently, I’ve had my own problems to worry about. In fact I went and asked Pete for help when I should have been helping him.”

To Sam this was getting on dangerous ground. To change the subject he said,

“I like Rick. He’s very open and friendly. Even when pissed he becomes more endearing. I reckon he’d make a great mate. I hope I see more of him.”

“I hope you will. No, I’m sure you will”, responded Karl. “Just between us girls, I think Rick is a bit sweet on Brenda. They grew up together in Langwarrin. Even went out a few times when they were younger. Then Pete came along, and - well, the rest is history. Hey, how bout anther beer?”

Karl left to amble into the kitchen and Sammy followed his movement thinking what a good-looking guy he was. Now that he was properly pissed, he seemed to relax and open himself up. A wave of lust engulfed him, but he managed to control himself, as Karl returned with their beers.

“Shit, I’m pleasantly wasted,” said Karl. “Maria's going off her head saying I must be sober for tomorrow. But hey, fuck it Sammy, I don’t get much time to relax. Anyway, tomorrow will be OK - BBQ's are easy.” Sammy just smiled agreement as Karl suddenly said -

“Listen Sammy, I know about you being gay. It’s cool with Maria and me, but we’re not telling anybody else. I guess that’s your business. Anything I can do to help? Awe shit, that sounds as if you’ve got a problem. Sorry - I’m stupid.”

Oh hell - here we go, thought Sammy. Karl’s going to use the usual hetro approach that they are OK with homosexuality, that’s its cool and doesn’t bother them. It’s called being politically correct. If only they knew, that most times this approach came across as being superior. Of course, they will keep the dirty little secret. Then again, perhaps I am being too hard on Karl.

“Nah, that’s OK,” acknowledged Sam. “I don’t take offense any more. After all the names I’ve been called in the past, I’ve got a thick skin. Anyway, you and Maria are family. We’re supposed to be straight with each other.”

“If you don’t mind talking - what’s it like being gay?” asked Karl earnestly. “Do you ever wish you were straight? I mean you have to put up with such a lot of shit from just about everybody. It must have been hard growing up.”

“Hey man, hard is too soft a word. It was Hell. I realized when I was about eleven that I was different. I was lonely. There was no one to talk to. At least, I didn’t know where to go. Just think, you’re eleven and you think you’ve got some terrible disease. At that age there was no positive reinforcement of being Gay in my family, school or religion. Those were very painful years. I’ve never felt so alone.”

“Yeah,” Karl broke in. “I think I can relate to what you’re saying. I remember being eleven going on twelve. I was a mess. My body was changing and I was horribly confused by everything. I can relate to what you’re saying.”

“Do you Karl? Do you? I mean unless you’ve been through it, it’s hard to understand the depth of isolation. Of course, when I was sixteen it was easier. There are good agencies and people to talk to. I went to some counseling and started to feel better about myself. I came to realize that I didn’t have any problems in myself that the only real problem I had was dealing with Homophobia Then I started to mix with other gays, and, well - finally, I was not alone Of course, telling my folks was another thing. Mum was disappointed and all she could say was “but I won’t be a grandmother”. However, she came to accept me. Dad, on the other hand, was simply disgusted. And he told me so. Told me to get out and, well here I am.”

“Well I reckon you’re pretty cool. I mean, you don’t act gay and the guys today accepted you, and even liked you. Well, all accept Peter. No, I didn’t mean to imply that Peter doesn’t like you - it’s just Pete. Sometimes he can be a little cold. I get so pissed off at him some times. I wish he would unwind and join the rest of us. Like, he has it all. Good looks, great job, a great wife and kids. At least he doesn’t fire blanks like me.” Karl blurted the last words it seemed, without thinking.

Wow, Karl’s little revelation made Sammy feel uncomfortable. Now, he supposed that Karl would regret opening his mouth. It was the booze talking hold.

“Yeah,” continued Karl sadly, I can’t have kids - I’m barren. We only just found out. At first, we thought the problem was Maria but only this week I found out it was me. Me, Me. I’m Barren. Got no sperm count.”

“Geeze Karl, mate - I’m sorry. I really am. I know how much having kids mean to both of you. What a shitter. That’s one hell of a body blow. Do you feel like talking about it?”

Cautiously Karl said, “Yeah, actually I do. I’ve been storing it all up. I told Pete early this week but I had to hold back. We were at the Pub and a lot of people were around - including Rick.”

Careful, not to sound artificial, Sammy responded - “I’m not going to insult your intelligence by mentioning adoption and surrogacy and such. Just tell me how you feel.”

There was relief in his voice as Karl said “Well, I feel ashamed. I come from German stock and having sons to keep the family name is very important. I feel ashamed that I can’t beget kids. I haven’t told my father yet. I recon he’ll have the same reaction that your dad did. Also, I’m worried about Maria. I don’t know how she really feels. All I know is that she wants kids - and I can’t give them to her. Maybe adoption, but, your right, surrogacy is definitely out. I just don’t feel like a man any more. Maybe it would be better if she divorced me.”

“Hell Karl - listen to you. You’re blaming yourself for something over which you had no choice. You didn’t decide to be barren - You just are. Nothing you could do about it. It’s not your fault. Just the same, I know how you must dread telling your father. I made myself sick before I got up the guts to tell my dad, I was gay. But, I’m not you. I can’t know how you feel. I can only say how I would feel in the same situation.”

“You think I’m being too hard on myself?” repeated Karl. “Yeah - you know, you’re right. I’m no more to blame being barren than you are being gay. I just keep comparing myself to Peter and suppose I get envious of him. He’s ‘Mister Perfect’. Karl did sound envious.

“Look Karl - I don’t know Peter that well, but I’m sure he isn’t special. None of us is special. People come in all different types. There are Males and Females, Rich and Poor, Hetro and Homosexual, Tall and Short and - Breeders and Non Breeders”. Looking at the world that way, you and I are the same - we’re both Non Breeders and we have the same right to exist as do Breeders.”

They both fell silent as Karl digested this. To Karl this made sense. He started to feel a little better for what Sammy was saying seemed to bring a small sense of relief. Yeah - why am I blaming myself for something I didn’t do? But, of course, his father wouldn’t see it that way. All his parents would think about was ‘No Grandchildren’. Even though it was going to be painful, they had to know.

“Yeah, you’re right Sammy. I can see where you’re coming from. I’m glad we talked. You’ve given me a positive aspect on the whole thing. At least I can focus on something positive and not just feeling sorry for myself. I’m going to start thinking about how Maria and I can live with the situation.”

“And it’s going to take time,” responded Sammy. “Someone once told me that life is like a game of cards - you can’t do anything about the hand that’s been given you, but it’s how you play those cards that really count.”

“That’s an interesting way to look at life - geeze Sammy, there’s more to you than just a pretty face.”

At that moment, Maria yelled from the house. “C’mon boys, it’s getting late. We have a long day tomorrow. I just hope Sammy; you’re not trying to seduce Karl. He’s mine. But he’s weak - I have to protect him from himself.”

“Oh shit, Maria - knock it off. Sammy and I are just talking.” Laughingly Sammy said, so Maria could hear -

“Mr. Karl Sir, if it were offered, it would be both an honor and a privilege for me to have a romantic and satisfying relationship with your penis.”

In response Karl laughed - “Let’s hold that thought”.