To Sammy With Love - 5. Chapter 5

Since she awoke this morning, Maria had been getting more apprehensive as the day progressed. She thought about having to tell her folks that babies were not on any agenda - and the reason why. She knew that Karl and her parents were not particularly close. Now they were sure to see Karl in a more negative light.

If only my grandfather had not fought against Germans, my own father would not harbor animosity against the whole German race. Karl had demonstrated his qualities as a husband repeatedly. At least my mother had started to warm to Karl. But there was my brother Nat to consider. He always took his lead from dad, and had a particularly nasty disposition. I need to handle the situation very carefully.

Suddenly she stopped peeling spuds for a potato salad, and her thoughts became more personal.

But what about me. Sure, I adore Karl, but I’m a woman and I want to have kids. Yeah, admit it kiddo - I really do want children. Would I have married Karl, had I known he was barren? I don’t know, I mean, I love him. He’s beautiful in a masculine way. But will desire compete successfully with my motherhood needs. In time, youthful desires fade, and if there’s nothing to replace that . . . ? What happens then - aren’t children supposed to fill the void.

It’s not fair - but come on girl, it’s not the end of the world either. Both Karl and I are in good health and that’s got to be important. But how will I feel later on. Will my need for children break us up? Then there’s Dad - he will definitely become more negative to Karl. So I’m going to have to brace myself for his negative onslaught. And, of course, there’s my idiot brother Nat.

I guess all I can do is take each day at a time. I can talk to Brenda - she’s always been a big help. And, surprisingly, there’s Sammy. Karl said this morning that Sammy was a decent person and it would be good if they could become friends. Yeah, I would feel good talking to Sam. After what he’s been through, he would sure know about having personal problems.

But, I wonder how many times I’ve said the word ‘but’.

At that point, Karl walked in to retrieve more beer. “How’s it coming along kiddo? You look far away.”

“Just thinking about the food preparation,” She lied. “How’s it going with the BBQ? Is it ready? And don’t get too pissed.”

“Nah, Sammy and I are just yarning. He’s easy to talk to. You’d never know he’s Gay.”

When Karl went inside to get more beer, Sammy decided to call Billee. She answered after five rings.

“Billee? Hi, it’s me. Can’t talk too long. Just thought I’d give you a call to let you know what’s happening.”

“Sammy,” Answered Billee breathlessly. “Hey - What’s doing? When are you coming home? Are you OK? Like, do you need little ‘ol me to come and rescue you? How about a good old hug and squeeze? Hey, Shitface - I miss you.”

“Woow, slow down,” laughed Sam. “Listen and I’ll tell you. You won’t believe it. I met my cousin Maria and her husband Karl. Truly Billee - he’s very sexy. I’ll describe him later. However, yesterday, I met with some of Karl’s friends before going to the footy, and, you’ll never guess, I met my heartthrob Peter again. You know - The guy I told you about that I met at the Bathhouse. Get this, - he’s married and is Karl’s best friend.” “Holy Shit”, interrupted Billee, sounding concerned. “What happened?”

“Well, the bottom line is that I’m supposed to meet him this afternoon at five, at his workplace. I don’t know what to do -I keep thinking he’s happily married and has kids. I told him that I wasn’t going to be a trophy bum. And with kids involved, I really don’t want to go any further with a relationship.”

“Hey hold on, just a sec Sammy,” Billee broke in. “That’s not your call - It’s his problem. Just meet him tonight and tell him how you feel. Stop worrying about things before they happen. Go ahead and meet him. It’s not going to kill you. Hurt maybe, but best to find out the worst now, rather than getting hurt down the line. Shit, I wish I had taken my own advice.”

“Yeah, you’re right. First, I have to get through this arvo. I’m about to meet my relatives soon, and I’m not looking forward to it. In fact, Karl and I are already a little pissed. By the way, I’ll try to get a photo of Karl so you can see what a spunk he is. Talking of whom, here comes Karl. I’d better sign off. See you tonight.” And with that, he rang off.

By the time Maria’s family arrived, Karl and Sammy were well over half way to being pissed. Each, in his own way, became apprehensive as the afternoon progressed. Karl’s shame at his condition was tearing him apart. Sammy, on the other hand, could not make up his mind what to do about Peter. Common sense said, just keep driving, and don’t stop. Then something inside Sammy urged him to meet with Peter. Neither Karl nor Sammy felt in the mood for a party.

Maria’s folks breezed in with handshakes and bonhomie all round. There were several of Jim’s mates there also to celebrate his birthday. When Sammy was introduced to Nat, Maria’s brother, the response he got was somewhat cool. Nat looked rough and talked rough. He was very much his father’s son. As usual, the men formed a group and the ladies were left to chat among themselves. The men had brought their own supply of beer - there was to be no shortage.

During lunch, Karl noticed that Nat kept giving Sammy hostile stares. As Nat was renowned for getting nasty when he was boozing, Karl started to get concerned. Sammy seemed unperturbed. After lunch, the women helped Maria clear the table and by some signal, Maria and her mother were left in the kitchen by themselves.

Spying Sammy standing by himself and knowing what was happening in the kitchen, Karl joined Sammy. Misery needed company. “Do you mind company?” Karl inquired. “They’re giving you a hard time aren’t they?” Let’s set up our own leper colony.”

“Thanks Karl,” Sammy laughed. “I can feel the hostility, especially Nat. Did you catch the looks he threw my way during lunch?”

“Yeah. Pathetic isn’t it, he’s been on the cop’s radar for some -” Karl was suddenly interrupted by Nat, raising his voice so all could hear -

“AND AS FOR THEM QUEERS, TELL YOU WHAT I'D DO. GIVE ‘EM A NEEDLE FULL OF AIDS AT BIRTH. LET THE LITTLE POOFTERS DIE OF THEIR OWN DISEASE. THAT’S WHAT I’D DO - HEY- HEY.”

The shocking statement caught everyone unawares. All conversation stopped. Even the children fell silent. For several seconds there was total silence. Sammy flinched as if he had been hit. Karl, who had been facing Sammy, suddenly went white. In the background, the kitchen door opened quickly as Maria and her mother came running out. Everyone heard - as they were meant to.

Karl, whose features were twisted into a mask of white fury stared, directly at Nat, and said with a voice barely controlled -

“That is the most disgusting statement I have ever heard in my life Nat -”

Before he could go any further, Jim pathetically whispered, “For god’s sake Karl, he didn’t mean it - Did you Nat? Tell him Nat. For God’s sake - You didn’t mean it.”

“Sorry Jim,” said Karl quickly glancing at his father in law. “This is my home and you’re all my guests. Now, one of my guests has been vilely insulted. I never thought I’d hear such loathsome words in my home. Nat - You will apologize to Sammy at once, or I’ll ask you to leave.”

No one had ever seen Karl like this. His voice, though low, was ringing with menace. His anger was all the more apparent for his degree of control.

“Oh, I get it,” slurred Nat. “Now you’re a poofter lover as well as a Nazi kraut. I’m not going to apologize to that little piece of shit. NO, NOT NOW, NOT EVER, OK.”

“Then leave. NOW. JUST GET UP AND GO. Get out of my sight.”

There was a moment of intense silence before Jim piped up and said, “Nat, I want you to apologize and then GO. I’ll see you back home. Here’s Twenty dollars - to catch a cab.”

Suddenly Nat, realizing that he’d earned his father’s wrath, seemed to lose steam. He became sullen and mumbled in a beaten way. “OK, I’m going. I’ll call a cab on my mobile”.

Maria said quickly, “Sammy, are you alright?” But Sam was shocked and shaken to his core. Never before had he had such vile words addressed to himself. He felt as if he’d been hit with a sledgehammer. He had begun to shake and couldn’t control his trembling. Anger and disgust consumed him. Karl put his arm around Sam and guided him to a chair. “Maria, please get Sam a double scotch.” And speaking softly to Sam said,

“Don’t let that arsehole get to you. He’s just a piece of shit.” Maria's mother went over to where Karl was comforting Sammy.

Her husband just sat and stared at the ground. Other guests were looking extremely uncomfortable. Quickly sizing up the general atmosphere, Karl addressed his guests.

“Look everybody; no one regrets this more than Maria and I. However, let’s remember its Jims birthday and I refuse to let an unfortunate incident like this spoil the occasion. Please, let’s move on.” Then he laughingly added, “The next rounds on the house”.

Gwen was trying to comfort Sammy, who was still being comforted by Karl. In fact, when Karl put his arm around Sammy, he felt a surge of gratitude he’d never experienced before. Karl just felt good. Now Gwen was crying and trying to apologize for her son’s despicable outburst. Maria, who knew her brother better than her parents, was not surprised. Nat was bad news. In fact, he’d always been a bully.

As the party returned to some semblance of normality, Karl took Sammy, now with a double scotch under his belt and a fresh beer in his hand, aside where they could be alone.

Wow, thought Sam, what an amazing transformation in Karl. My respect for him has gone up heaps. However, as much as I appreciate Karl’s help and commiseration, all I want to do now is get away. In a way, any doubts I had about meeting Peter were now gone. I just want to talk to someone who can appreciate my distress. I wonder if Peter will make me feel as comfortable as Karl does now? I’m going to find out. To hell with it.

“Sammy,” Karl was saying. “I don’t know how you feel, but if anyone had said those words to me, I would be devastated. I know that goes for Maria too.”

“Shit Karl,” sighed Sammy. “The guy’s my cousin. How did he come to think like that - he’s got a sewer for a brain. My god, I wonder what my own folks are going to say if they find out. Best if they don’t. Anyway, thanks for your concern. It means a lot to know that someone’s on my side.”

Making an effort to change the subject Sammy asked, “What about your own problem? Have you had any feedback?”

“Nah - It’s too early. Maria was just finishing telling Gwen when Nat sounded off. Anyway, they bloody well can’t look down on me after we all witnessed their son’s outburst.”

“Perhaps your right,” agreed Sammy. “Nat's outburst doesn’t say much for his parents. Does it? My god, if my own Aunt and Uncle feel the same - well, like you, I’m disgusted.”

Changing the subject again Sammy asked, “Do you mind if I leave around 4:30. I want to get back to town before it gets too dark.”

“Nah. That’s cool. That’s only an hour from now, anyway. I’ll stay with you - I don’t feel like socializing. I’ve still got a nasty taste in my mouth.”

Sammy drove to the address that was on Peters Card. Saying goodbye to his aunt and uncle was difficult for them all. He knew they were extremely distressed, but he didn’t know whether it was genuine or just a facade. He was still very angry. Maria and Karl were genuinely upset and apologized repeatedly for the incident. Strangely, Karl’s anger bordered on hostility. He had calmed down sufficiently to give Sammy a farewell hug and insist that Sammy keep in touch by calling him at work. He even went further and suggested that Sam come and work with him if he needed a job. Driving off Sammy thought -

What a weekend. From meeting Peter again, being insulted by Nat and establishing a friendship with Karl, it was eventful to say the least. Now I’m going to meet Peter - and I’m feeling apprehensive. No. More than that - I’m very wary. Peter can only be just a fuck. Even then, I don’t want to be the cause of a family breakup. However, I must admit that a good fuck would get rid of the dirty taste in my mouth. OK, Sammy me boy, play it cool. Don’t have any expectations. Geeze that’s good advice - I wonder if I’ll take it?

Sammy got to Peters work a little early and - so did Peter. Before he could get out of his car, Peter walked up and said, through the window -

“Hi, really glad you came. I was worried you might be pissed off and just give me the old heave-ho.”

“What are you on about Peter? I don’t remember you doing anything wrong. In fact, I really enjoyed being with you last time. I’m real pleased we caught up - at last.”

“Yeah. OK, Umm, thanks.” Peter replied. “Look, we can’t park here. Follow me around the back where the office parking is.”

With that, Peter turned and walked back to his car. Sammy watched him go, relishing in the sight of Peters shoulders which were busting out of his blue T/Shirt. Sammy could just picture his chest and the hairs that ran down his abdominal muscles into his groin.

Oh God, he turns me on. Just look at the way his buttocks sway ‘neath his jeans. Peter is not “pretty” like Karl, but he exudes an aurora of masculinity that I find irresistible. Just looking at him makes me horny. I hope my erection goes down by the time I get out of the car - down Boy.

Sammy parked beside Peter’s car and followed him into the premises. They walked through a reception area and into a staff area, which contained the usual amenities and equipment.

Nervously Peter said. “Um - do you want something to drink? Then laughed at himself saying “Shit. That sounds corny. I guess I’m a little anxious.”

Anxious? Thought Sammy. Peter is more apprehensive than I am. It seems that I have the high moral ground here. How am I going to play this?

“Please, don’t be. And I would like a cup of coffee, black thanks. I’ve actually had a rotten day. I need something to wash away the bad taste in my mouth. Coffee is just right. I’ve had enough booze for today. Do you mind if I tell you about what happened?”

“No, I’m all ears,” Peter said as he busied himself making coffee. So Sammy proceeded to fill Peter in on all the sad events at Karl’s BBQ. He left nothing out - even referring to Karl’s admission about his physical problem.

Peter was speechless. Sammy hadn’t touched his coffee all through the narrative, while Peter just sipped at his. As Sammy talked, Peter was thinking -

What a beautiful young man Sammy is. Those dark brown eyes, petite nose and strong chin give him a pugnacious look. His stocky build and 165cm height accented the perfect muscle tone of his torso. I remember how perfect his arse is. He isn’t ‘pretty’ as in the boy next-door image, but he radiates sex appeal. I wonder how many guys he’s had? A lot, I guess. Don’t let this one get away, Peter.

As Sammy finished, Peter, on impulse, reached out and took Sammy’s hand. Peters touch was electric. Sammy’s pulse-rate increased and his breathing became shallow. Then Peter slowly got up from his chair and still holding on to Sammy, came to stand behind him.

This intimacy further excited Sam and when Pete lifted Sammy’s hand and kissed it, he felt a warm pulse of excitement. Slowly, Sammy turned around and looked up at Peter, presenting his mouth as an open invitation. Silently, their lips came together, at first tentatively, and then with increasing passion - Like a dam bursting, the trickle of passion became a torrent.

Standing up, still with Peter’s mouth hungrily seeking his, Sam surrendered his body against Peter. He could smell Peter’s sweet body odor and felt the hardness of his muscled chest and abdomen. Peter’s penis was a huge mound pressing into Sam, straining to be free.

For several moments the two boys stayed locked in a hungry embrace, enjoying the taste of their mouths and the feel of their bodies. Then, without any conscious thought, Sammy slowly sank down to where Peter’s manhood was demanding release. Then Peter gently pulled him back up to face him. Slowly, ever so slowly, Peter began to undo Sammy’s jeans letting them fall to the floor. His penis sprang free of its restraint and stood wet and rock-hard. Then, with his T-Shirt off, Sammy was completely naked.

Following Peters lead, Sam undid Peter’s jean belt and fly and with deft pressure slowly slid Peters jeans down to the floor. Abandoning his T-Shirt, Peter, like Sam, was completely naked.

Peter took command. He slid his arms around Sammy’s buttocks and pulled him to him so that both their groins were touching. Waves of pleasure engulfed Sammy. The feel of Peters’ hard penis rubbing against his own erection was an incredible sensation. His heart was pounding. The overwhelming aroma of Peter’s physical presence fueled his desire. Now Peter was groaning softly.

Both boys were leaking juices, so that their bodies were becoming slippery. This only served to heighten the sensation of pleasure. Soon Peter began to rhythmically thrust his genitals against Sammy. As Peter increased his thrusting Sammy put his arms around Peters’ neck. Then their mouths locked together.

Oh my god, Sammy thought. This is fantastic. I’m not going to last. He’s going to make me cum. Please, please, make it last. I want to go on feeling like this forever. But my nipples are getting harder and my balls are contracting. Soon I’ll not be able to control my body - I’m going to make a mess.

Peter could feel himself becoming more frantic. With each thrust, exquisite pleasure was coursing through him. Having Sammy in his arms was fulfilling an unspoken need. He began to thrust more quickly. He could feel a climax building.

Oh, Shit. I’m going to orgasm. I feel utterly sexually alive. This is what I want. This is what I need. Oh, my god I can’t stop now - I’m losing control.

It couldn’t last - and didn’t. In both boys, their individual climaxes commenced with wild spasms invading every fiber of their bodies. Such was the force of their orgasms that each cried out. Sammy began to gasp as his penis erupted with semen. This was quickly absorbed into the other juices of sweat and pre-cum. almost at the same time, Peter groaned loudly as his erection splattered both bodies. Peters release was so voluminous that where their two bodies joined became a mess of semen, sweat and pre-cum.

When their climaxes subsided, both Sammy and Peter were left clinging to each other. Slowly their heartbeats and breathing returned to normal. Peter lifted up Sammy’s chin and kissed him long and passionately. Finally breaking apart they both surveyed the mess covering their bodies. Giggling self-consciously, they began to clean each other up.

After getting dressed, they sat together on the couch in the staff room. Peter had made more coffee.

Taking his coffee mug from Peter, Sammy asked somewhat abruptly. “Where to now - do I ever get to see you again?”

Peter became reflective and then with a sigh answered, “Of course we’ll see each other again. I want to. I assume you want to. But I’ve created a mess. I thought I could go on forever having the ‘best of both worlds’. But I can’t anymore. Not anymore. I’ve become increasingly unhappy. I’m actually tearing myself apart. I can’t go on living a straight lifestyle, when I know I’m gay.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what induced you to be straight in the first place? I mean, I like women. I enjoy their company, but I couldn’t have sex with a woman. I’m just not attracted to females sexually.”

“No, I don’t mind,” said Peter softly. “I grew up in a time when being gay was a real problem. People thought of Homosexuals as diseased. To all Religions, it was a great sin. Socially it was treated as a crime. This was before Stonewall and the gay revolution. Things are a lot different now - a whole lot better now.”

“And,” Peter continued. “I was young. My parents saw marriage as a means of having children. In addition, they wanted Grandchildren. This was more my mother than my Dad. Here was another problem. My mother was a very strong woman. She overruled my father and overwhelmed us all. She used emotional blackmail as a very effective weapon. To keep the peace, we just let her have her way. I wish I had been strong enough to stand up to her. Sammy, there are many guys in the same position. Only when I started to explore my homosexuality did I come to realize that I wasn’t alone.”

“Wow,” Said Sammy, “I guess I can relate to some of that. Except in my case, Dad ruled the house. My mum is very easy going. Karl’s facing the same problem, isn’t he? I mean he’s under family pressure to have kids.”

”Yeah,” responded Peter. “I don’t know how that’s going to pan out. I couldn’t say much to Karl, but, my own read of his situation, is not good. The prognosis is bad.”

“Listening to him talk,” Sammy reflected, “I think he knows there’s a bigger problem with Maria, in the long-term. But tell me, how did Brenda come into your life?”

“Ahh, I was coming to that. We met within a group at a pub in town. There was a whole gang of us and we used to go everywhere together. I mean the gang. Don’t get me wrong - I really like Brenda. As some of the others in the group went and tied the knot, Brenda and I just sort of automatically followed suit. She’s very easy going and basic. She’s an Aquarius like her Dad. And she’s not very demanding sexually. I thought, well, here is a person that I could maintain a double life with. I could hide my homosexuality but still practice as the need arose. The trouble with that was the need grew stronger and overpowering as time went by. And, well, here I am.”

Listening to Peter talk, Sammy was struck by what a decent guy he was. Perhaps a little weak, but who has the right to sit in judgment on another person. For that matter - who has the right?

All Sammy could say was, “I wish I could help in some way Pete. It’s true - I have very strong feelings for you. I felt something that night at the bathhouse. I knew you were very different from other guys I had been with. Of course, I didn’t know about your personal situation. Not that it would have made any difference. As it doesn’t now. But having said that, I don’t want to be the cause of a family break-up. I hope you understand and accept that. I’d rather stop any relationship here, than to go on and cause other people anguish.”

“Sammy. Dear sweet Sammy. It’s not your problem. Frankly, it’s got nothing to do with you. I had this problem before I met you. I’ve realized that something has been eating at me for some time. If you want the truth - I’m tired of lying. I’m tired of living a lie. Would you believe, at some level, I actually believed that marriage would cure my homosexuality. Meeting you has made me realize that I can only be happy if I’m true to myself, and to those around me. If you have any advice on how to tell Brenda - please, please tell me.”

“No Pete, I don’t. And if I did, I wouldn’t interfere anyway. It’s going to be painful. Just remember, I’m here. Look, times getting on and you’ve got to get back to Brenda. I’ve still got an hour’s drive to home.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” sighed Peter. “Can I see you again soon - say, Friday night?”

“Where?” said Sammy.

“I know it’s an imposition. But -at your place?”

“Well, Its fine by me, but I’ll have to ask Billee my roommate. If it’s OK with her, I’ll phone and leave some message at your work. I’ll write down the address for you - OK?”

“Oh, that’s great. Come here babe”, with that Peter leaned across the couch and kissed Sammy gently. It was a kiss full of longing and hope.

Saying goodbye, if only for the present, was not easy. Peter walked Sam to his car and with a warm embrace watched him drive off. “Until Friday,” he whispered.

In the dreaming -.

He was awake now. Wide-awake. He had been sweating heavily and his jacket was damp to the touch. Another bad dream, only this time the trauma of the dream had frightened him awake.

He lay still to focus his mind. Gradually he began to piece together fragments of the dream. He was in a shady glen - somewhere. The only sounds were the soft call of birds and the rustling of leaves. At the bottom, a stream sparkled and cascaded within its grassy banks. It was a pleasant scenario and comforting. Peaceful.

Then two young men came running and laughing into the glen. With no hesitation, they quickly divested themselves of their clothes and ran impetuously into the shallow water. Happily, they splashed at each other and playfully wrestled. Finally, they emerged into the sunlight and with loving care dried each other, slowly and tenderly.

He remembered the scenario with pleasure. Particularly when, lying down side by side, they allowed the warmth of the sun to invade their bodies. After a short time, the taller youth leaned over and kissed his companion slowly and passionately. Soon, eager hands were roving to caress secret erotic places. Private places. Their lovemaking was slow and caring.

Then he remembered what had awoken him in fright. The idyllic atmosphere had been broken as a black rider atop a black horse came arrogantly into the glen. He radiated menace and fear. One black arm extended pointed accusingly at the youths.

Lying here, now awake, he remembered the fear. The black creature uttered a silent accusing scream and the youths ran headlong from the glen.

What had awoken him was the sensation of imminent danger. Numbing distress. More than that, much more - was anger. Smoldering anger.