Young, Gay and Scared - 12. Chapter 12

12.0 Background

Over fifty years ago, loving the wrong person could make you a criminal. Smiling in the park could lead to arrest and being in the wrong address book could cost you a prison sentence. Homosexuality was illegal and hundreds of thousands of men feared to be picked up by zealous police wanting easy convictions. Sadly it was very easy, you could be charged, often for doing nothing more than looking a bit gay. Some newspapers reported court cases, but they talked of "gross indecency" because they couldn't bring themselves to mention it, so young people were lucky if they could work out what was going on.

It is hard to imagine now how repressive was the atmosphere surrounding homosexuality in the 1950s. Little was spoken about it, and you could be well into late adolescence before you even realised you were a criminal.

Homosexuality was perceived as a lurking subversive threat at a time when countries were coping with tremendous social change as well as rising anxiety about Communism.

Political rhetoric increasingly linked "Communists and queers." Many assumptions about Communists mirrored common beliefs about homosexuals. Both were thought to be morally weak or psychologically disturbed, both were seen as godless, both purportedly undermined the traditional family, both were assumed to recruit adherents, and both were shadowy figures with a secret subculture.

On April 27, 1953, President Eisenhower issued Executive Order 10450, which banned gay men and lesbians from working for any agency of the federal government. This was known as the Lavender Scare and led to mass firings of gay people by the government during the 1950s in the United States.

The disruptions of World War II allowed formerly isolated gay men and women to meet as soldiers, war workers and other such volunteers. They were uprooted from small towns and posted worldwide. Many minds were opened by wartime, during which LGBT people were tolerated in military service. If that wasn’t hypocrisy, well . . .?

Then, after the war came the 1950’s. Gay men and lesbians were at risk for being locked up on psychiatric grounds, being jailed, losing jobs, and losing child custody hearings; the latter because courts and clinics defined gay love as sick, criminal or immoral.

Down under, in 1950’s Australia, the social, political, and cultural mobilization of the early years of the cold war, also led to a high-profile attack on homosexuality. In the face of repression, vilification and silencing, resistance was almost impossible.

Then in one of history’s great paradox’s, attempts to stamp out homosexuality led to its being given unprecedented publicity in newspapers, parliament, and medical journals.

If you let your mind travel to current Gay Pride marches or Mardi Gras around the world, just remember that all those happy people, in the 1950s, were classified as criminals.

12.1

The decision to leave school was so sudden Ryan had no time to say farewell. Some acquaintances lived locally, so he made a point of telling them he wasn’t coming back. Some kids were disappointed because Ryan was popular and respected for his athletic ability. His real concern was Jim. Since their meeting in the ablutions block, they’d taken every safe opportunity to explore their sexuality. Ryan sensed Jim was on the point of wanting to explore penetration, which Ryan would enthusiastically enjoy. It was only a question of where . . . and of course, when.

Never far from his conscious was Tommo’s entreaty – ‘Promise me, Ryan promise me. . . Yes, they took chances, but they were young and horny – a perilous combination.

Now he was in a bind. With Jim living so far away – about 50 miles – it was hard to get together. However, there was no way he’d leave school without seeing Jim; he needed to know why Ryan wasn’t coming back and he resolved to tell the truth – they couldn’t afford to keep him at school.

Luckily Jim’s family had a phone installed (in the 1950s not every home had a direct phone line) so he called, struggling manfully to hold back the tears. It was indeed painful, and when he broke the news he could tell Jimmy was pretty shaken up. They resolved to meet the next week at the movies in town. Ryan hung up with an empty feeling and again cursed his mother.

But this was summertime down under and he overcame his heartbreak by surfing at the local beach called ‘Freshwater’. As well as being good at athletics he revelled in swimming and at the age of Fifteen, he’d joined the Life Saving club as a cadet. All during the summer months, clubs from all over the State of New South Wales would compete in what was called ‘Carnivals’ to hone Life Saving Techniques and to prove who was best. The Freshwater club was very competitive, and Ryan had no trouble in establishing himself as a young champion. The other benefit was the eye-candy. The racing costumes were skimpy and often left nothing to the imagination. With his athletics and life-saving activities Ryan blossomed into a sturdy male specimen, and spending so much time in the sun, he developed a healthy tan which added to his good looks. He had no shortage of female admirers, and certainly, several males as well. The subject of sport came up at a Sunday lunch.

As Ryan chewed a juicy chicken leg his mother announced,

“Now that you won’t be competing in athletics you’ll have to take up some other sport Ryan. I hope you’re considering football.”

“No, I’m not and never will. Got too much respect for me body. I’m doing Judo.”

“Why, why? Football’s a wonderful sport for a young boy. You make good friends and could become famous. Wouldn’t you like to see your name in the local paper having scoured several try’s[1]?”

“Yeah wot about having yer name on the injury list with brain damage. Football’s as bad as boxing. I got a healthy respect for me scone[2].”

“Ryan where did you pick up that awful slangy language? I’m talking about ‘yer’ instead of ‘you’ and ‘scone’ instead of ‘head’. Surely the teachers at Grammar wouldn’t let you get away with such speech. Where did you pick up such talking?”

“I dunno. It’s how us kids talk. If I talked proper like, none of me mates would understand me. So . . .(Shrugging) ”

“(Sigh) I’m disappointed, I really am. Now back to sport, you should play football to build yourself up and . . .“

“Oh for heaven’s sake Clare, let him alone. He says he won’t play football so that’s an end to it. He knows what he’s doing.”

“Don’t interfere mother, I’m only considering the child’s welfare. He’s a growing lad and needs some sport to develop him more.”

“Jesus ya never listen do ya. I already told ya that I’m doing Judo and swimming with the Freshie club. There’s a gym at the club that I can use whenever I wants to. With Gym, Judo, and swimming I got enough activities to look after me body, and . . . no bloody football.”

“Oh so who’s going to pay your Judo fees then. Don’t come looking to me for the money. You’ll pay for it out of your wages if there’s any left after you pay board.”

“Wait a minute . . .”

“(Interrupting) I’ve been sitting here listening to the crap that comes out of you Clare. One things for certain, he isn’t going to give you all his wages when he gets a job. It’s his money to do with it what he wants. I don’t like the way you’re talking, it sounds grubby like you’re gonna demand all his wages.”

“And no one asked you to speak, Bill, I’m in charge of the family finances and I’ll decide how much he has to give me. What a cheek you have, if you were working full time, Ryan would still be at school. It’s because of you that he’s had . . .”

“Hold on mother, me dad can’t help that he’s got to work part-time. It’s that mongrel boss of his . . .”

“Oh I see it now, you’re all ganging up on me, trying to make out that I’m the villain . . .”

“Oh for goodness sake Clare stop feeling sorry for yourself. Everyone here, including me, is making a sacrifice money wise, except you. You still have your Tennis, Card afternoon and Gossip club. You haven’t given up anything. You should be out looking for work but, oh no, that would interfere with your social life wouldn’t it?”

“Oh shut up mother, that subject is closed, OK.”

The ensuing silence was strained. Clare Seaton was never going to go to work; it was a lost cause. After several uncomfortable moments she continued,

“What about a girlfriend Ryan, you haven’t brought anyone home to meet us. You do have a girlfriend don’t you?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“Because what?”

“Because it’s none of yer business, that’s what. Anyway, Girls are stupid, all they do is gossip, and preen themselves by slathering stuff all over their face and lips. Gawd, some chicks are repulsive the amount of lipstick they paint on – revolting!”

“Well, we do that because a pretty face is attractive to men. Surely, you like to see a girl with a pretty face?”

“Yer’d never know because their faces are buried beneath a ton of goo. Ya never see what a sheila looks like without all that war paint. I’d be nice to see what they look like in the morning first thing. Pretty ugly I reckon.”

This brought a giggle from Merle and a sharp look from his mother.

“Now you’re being horrible Ryan, when a girl goes to a lot of trouble to look nice for you a little appreciation is required. You do like girls don’t you?”

Oh wow, this is getting dangerous.

“Not if they slather themselves with disgusting gunk. A pretty face don’t need all that slime. No, I don’t like girls that aren’t natural. It’s only the ugly ones that have to rely on bottles of junk to make themselves attractive. Does that answer you mother?”

“NO, IT DOESN”T. I wear makeup all the time to make myself look good. Any woman who goes out without proper cosmetics is a fool. People will talk about her. I don’t understand you son, I can’t believe you don’t like girls with good face powder and lipstick. It’s the sort of thing that Davis boy would have said because he’s . . . he’s, you know.”

“Yes, he’s a homosexu . . . was. Leave Tommo out of this because he was me best mate and I don’t care what team he barracked for. Just let’s not talk about him.”

“And why not? He did his parents a favour by killing himself. If I had been his mother and found out he was . . . one of those disgusting creatures, I would’ve thrown him out with nothing but the clothes on his back. You should be grateful you’re not like . . . that, because I’d cast you out and forget you were a child of mine. As I said, his parents can now go through their lives without shame.”

There was a horrified silence following Clare’s outburst. Three hostile pairs of eyes stared at her in horror. A wave of despair engulfed Ryan, his breathing slowed, and his heart-rate soared.

There she said it; that’s what I could expect if she finds out I’m queer. I’ll be chucked out by her without a second thought. What about me dad and Nanna? Would they let me be tossed out to live on the streets of Kings Cross[3]? I couldn’t survive on me own, I’d probably have to sell me body just to have food in me guts. Well, I always wondered what she’d do, so now I knows.

“I can’t believe you just said that Clare Seaton. You’d actually send your children packing if they didn’t live up to your expectations? I don’t agree with homosexuality, I mean the bible is clear enough on the subject, but your own flesh and blood . . . you’d really force them to live on the streets, and have to do . . . well, do things to survive. Shame on you. A mother loves her children no matter how they turn out. Sake’s alive, I still love you because you’re my daughter . . . even though you’re such a bitch.”

“Oh I see, you’re turning it back on me, making out that I’m in the wrong. I should’ve expected that. And what about you, my husband, what would you do if you found out your son was . . . well . . . you know?”

“I don’t know, say it, what are you talking about?”

“Don’t be so naïve, we’re talking about having a child that’s queer. There, I said it. So what’s it to be?”

“First I’d try and find help if that’s available or even feasible. After that yes, I’d be disappointed, but I wouldn’t do anything drastic such as you’re talking about. After all, no one’s perfect. We just have to live with each other’s imperfections. We’re not all like you Clare; (smiling evilly) perfect in every way.”

“You call yourself a man? You’d actually encourage a child of yours to be involved in such degradation? These perverts are evil. Not only are they criminals but they’re condemned by the church. In the sight of God, they’re evil sinners. And you’d encourage that? Well, thank goodness our son isn’t like that evil boy Davis, because I wouldn’t be as forgiving as his parents were. Although they probably don’t appreciate it, they’re fortunate he did away with himself and saved them years of shame and pain. Whatever is the world coming to.”

Well, she said it again. If ever I had any doubts about how she would react I know exactly where I stand. Tommo is right, I must never ever let her know I’m queer. I detected some sympathetic understanding from Nanna and possibly my Dad, but she rules the household and I’d be thrown out on the streets if ever she found out.

When Ryan got up from the table he missed the thoughtful look his Grandmother gave him.

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12.2

It couldn’t be delayed anymore. Ryan had to find a job. In Australia, the summer months of December and January were not good for job seeking, because many firms shut down over the Christmas and New Year break. However, during the 1950s, Australia enjoyed ‘Full Employment’; employers were actively trying to attract staff, so employees could pick and choose who they worked for.

Offsetting this was location. All commercial activity was still centred in the CBD and there were few job opportunities locally. The local paper was called the “Manly Daily’ and every Wednesday and Saturday (preferably the latter) employers advertised for staff.

So one Saturday morning Merle and Ryan sat down to scrutinize the ‘Positions Vacant’ in the paper.

“What work would you like to do Ryan, do you have any preference?”

“Not really Nan, I’ll probably hate whatever job is available. I guess the weekly wage offered is the only guide.”

“Hmmm, look why don’t you look through the jobs listed, circle what you fancy and then we can discuss each one, eh?”

It was a mixed bunch from manual labour to shop assistants. Not wanting to start his career doing manual labour, Ryan noticed that ‘shop assistants’ covered a wide range, so he concentrated on this category. For two weeks nothing emerged as interesting and he began to despair. Then on the third Saturday came an advert for a shop assistant to work in a local Chemist. Of all the jobs he’d perused, this one caught his attention. Why? . . . he didn’t know. Applicants were invited to present themselves on the Tuesday following at 10 a.m. The weekly wage offered was $A65 ($A580 in 2018). Whilst Merle and Ryan had no idea of relative value, the wage seemed ok.

As Merle said,

“It’ll do for a start Ryan, and it’s local; give you time to get used to working and earning money. You have to think about Income Tax, Union Fees, and other such deductions. Also, do a good job and you’ll probably get an increase.”

Surprisingly, when he presented himself for an interview, he found he was the only applicant, so the scrutiny became a mere formality. After being told they would contact him he left in high spirits. Surely enough two days after, he was contacted and told if he still wanted the job he could start on the following Monday.

Visiting Gus the Saturday before, they discussed how much board he should give his mother. Gus said, in his opinion, one third should be adequate to cover food and other expenses, so that was settled. Of the $A65 his mother would get $A20 and the balance he kept for himself. It was then that Gus brought up Savings, advising Ryan to open a bank savings account. Not knowing how to do this, he asked Merle for advice. The next working day he opened an account in his name at a local bank with a minimum deposit.

The stage was set for Ryan to enter the workforce and begin his career. But of course, there were two obstacles to overcome. First, his mother and rebutting any effort by her to take his whole wages and, secondly, to enter night school to finish his Year Twelve and thus gain entry to Uni. The latter only required some paperwork, but the former . . .?”

Once again, Sunday lunch was to be the battleground.

“The chicken tastes real good mum, did you do something special? It’s the best I’ve tasted.”

“Yes, I saw a recipe calling for the chook to be marinated in sweet sherry for about an hour before cooking. I must agree with you, it’s a success.”

“Didn’t know we had any sherry, where did you get it?”

“Well luckily I didn’t have to buy any Bill, I found some in mum’s room and . . .”

“WHAT! Don’t tell me you stole my sherry Clare. That’s mine! How dare you! You know that’s the only pleasure I have is a glass of sherry before lunch. You went and stole some without asking me. That’s the meanest thing a daughter could do to her mother. For that, you’ll buy me another bottle; good quality too, not the crap you find at these plonk[4] shops.”

“From the number of empty bottles I have to throw out, you have more than one glass of sherry. You got to be careful mum and don’t put yourself in danger of becoming an alcoholic.”

“Me, an alcoholic? Piffle! That’s ridiculous, I’m upset you’d even think that let alone say it.”

“Well, I’m just warning you that’s all. You’ve got to be careful . . .”

“Hey Nan, when I gets me first wages I’ll buy you a really good bottle of sherry. You’ll have to come with me but, don’t think they’ll sell plonk to a kid like me.”

“Oh, that’s nice of you Ryan to say that. Of course . . .”

“And that’s what I want to talk to you about Ryan, your wages. Until you know how to handle money, I think it best for you to give me all your money and I’ll let you have an allowance for lunches, fares, and drinks. I’ll work out what’s fair, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

“I’m not and I won’t. I’ll give you twenty dollars out of me wages to cover board and food. It’s all been set. I’ve even got a bank account to save part of me earnings.”

“(Raising her voice) Twenty dollars! You think twenty dollars is going to cover your rent, food, clothing, and other upkeep? Absolute nonsense! You, give me all your wages and I’ll, decide how much you get back. And as for a savings account, I can’t allow you to hoard your money while the family goes without. No, no, and no. It’s non-negotiable.”

“Clare Sealby you astound me. Never thought the day would come when a daughter of mine would rip off her own child. You should be proud of him. He’s got a job, he’s starting to save, he’s giving you upkeep money, and he’s enrolling in night school to finish his education. Ryan, I’m proud of you even if your mother isn’t.”

“Yeah me-too son, I’m impressed. You went and did all that by yourself? Few kids your age would have the drive to do all that by themselves. How about this, when I land a permanent job, I’ll give your mother your twenty dollars and you keep the whole lot of your wages. That’s a promise. Before you get nasty Clare, I’ve already got several offers I’m considering so I hope to be back in full employment soon.”

“Oh you will, will you. I just won’t hold my breath about that. Once again you’re all ganging up on me. I’ve a mind to let someone else look after the finances if I can’t get enough money to keep us from going bankrupt. There, that’s what I’ll do . . .go on strike and let someone else have the worry, spend the time, and try and keep the creditors at bay. See there!”

“Mum, I’m good with numbers, perhaps I could . . .”

“No! You’re too young to understand what’s involved. Maybe we could talk about it in a few years’ time. Anyone else?”

“Well, I’ve got time. If you show me what to do, I’m . . .”

“You’re too old mother. It’s stressful looking after money matters and I wouldn’t want you to get upset. No, it wouldn’t do.”

“Well, that leaves only me and I’m not good at numbers. I’m a plumber for god’s sake. You know I’m bad with paperwork.”

“Well, there you go, no-one can do what I’m doing with family finances. You either give me what I need, or I’ll resign.”

“You’re blackmailing us, your own family. If that’s what you want, Ryan and I can look after the money. I don’t believe it’s too hard and I think I’ll enjoy it. Give me something to do with my time. What do you think grandson, care to give it a try with me?”

“Now see here, I’ve got no intention of giving up looking after the family’s money. If I ever . . .”

“But you just said you’re going to resign, and I just said I’ll look after . . .”

“(Quickly) Here again everyone’s ganging up on me, forcing me to give up the responsibility . . .”

“(Disgusted) Oh for heaven’s sake daughter you’re all over the place. First, you said you’d go on strike, then you want to resign and now you’re whinging about being forced to give up the family finances. You need to see a shrink.”

“(Crying) How could you? (sob) how could you suggest your own daughter is crazy (further sobbing) That’s disgusting. If you only knew the torment . . .”

And so Sunday lunch went the way of all Sunday lunches with Clare Seaton whinging and using emotional blackmail.

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12.3

Ryan’s job at the chemist was rather dull. He worked in the storeroom putting stock on shelves and reporting any stock running low. His other duty was to take lunch orders and wait whilst they were made up by a local Sandwich shop. He became frustrated by such menial tasks but, what the hell, he was getting paid and that’s all he cared. A side benefit was learning the generic names of medicines which may help in his Uni course.

The staff were great; the senior chemist’s name was John Harrington and he took Ryan under his care explaining what medicines went with each medical condition. It seemed a happy and supportive group and Ryan had no difficulty fitting in. The other benefit was the hours. He only worked from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. which gave him time in the evening to attend night school.

In quiet moments his thoughts focussed on his final outing with Jim. Even several weeks on, he recalled the meeting with sadness. They arranged to meet one Friday afternoon and go to the movies., because in the darkened theatre they could share a closeness not possible in daylight. They were both under-aged to meet in a pub, so the movies seemed an effective alternative. They met in the Hoyts theatre foyer around 5 p.m. before selecting which movie they’d see. It was a very difficult emotional meeting because they knew this would be the last time they’d see each other for some time.

“Hey!”

“Hey!”

“You look good Jim, thanks for seeing me.”

“(Impatient) Don’t be so bloody formal mate, you know how upset I was when you told me about dropping out of school. I was devastated, I still am.”

“(Sombre) Yeah I know, me too. I can’t get you outta me thoughts. Every time I think about it I get real sad. It’s like I got an empty hole deep inside me. It sucks!”

“Tell me. I’m not ashamed to say I keep pullin’ yer undies out and . . . well, at least I know it’s you. It’s the only memory I gots; well, what won’t get censored.”

“Yeah, same here. (long pause as they just looked at each other) Ummm, how about we decide on what movie we want, eh?”

They settled on ‘The Beast from 20,000 fathoms’ an easy-going horror movie that had become very popular. They bought their tickets and tried to sit as far back as they could. During the movie they pressed their knees together and held hands. In the dim atmosphere no one could see them, so they felt safe. All through the movie they squeezed each other’s hand at intervals. Neither boy could really recount the story being portrayed on the screen; the deep emotional void consuming their guts dominated all other emotions.

And tears were not very far from the surface.

The movie finished about 7:30 p.m. and they were undecided what to do next. There was an uneasy silence. In those days MacDonald’s, Pizza parlours, or coffee lounges did not exist, but they found a Tea Room selling “Floaters”[5]. Whilst they waited for their orders it became necessary to talk about the elephant sitting on the table. They silently looked at each other. Jim was the first to speak.

“(Uncertain) I don’t know how to say what I feel Ryan, because since you told me I’ve been a mess. (Hesitantly) I’ve never felt like this before, err . . . miserable, unhappy, frustrated, sorta down. I’ve got feelings that I can’t explain. Up till you called me I was feeling happy, now I’m feeling miserable. I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t concentrate, and I’ve lost my appetite.”

“(Sigh) Yeah, I know what you mean Jimbo. I feel as if someone’s socked me in the guts. Several times I’ve just made it to the toilet before spewing me insides out. One thing I do know . . . I’m gonna miss you, I’m gonna miss you bad. Look we’re only sixteen and it’s easy to say we don’t know our own feelings because we’re too young. But I do know . . . I do know that I love you Jim, it’s just what I feel. There I said it, and if anyone tells me I’m too young, I’ll piss them off. I may only be a teenager, but I know how I feel.”

Should I tell him about Gus? What with he do . . . get jealous? Don’t see any positives in telling about Gus. No, I’ll just keep mum for the present. If it ever comes up I’ll just downplay our relationship. Yep, that’s what I’ll do.

“Oh shit thank you, thank you Ryan, I didn’t have the guts to say it to you because you may’ve laughed at me. Like you said I know how I feel . . . and it’s rotten because I love you too.”

“(Emotional) It’s all my fault. If I had’ve stayed at school we’d had time to sort through our emotions and, together, work out what we want to do. As it is . . .”

“(Hastily) NO! no. It’s not your fault. Don’t even think that. You didn’t decide to leave school, your parents did that, so don’t point the finger at yourself mate. I don’t know what went on, but I know you’re just as upset at leaving school as I am. The issue now is what can we do about it?”

“I can’t answer that specifically, but I do know I don’t want to lose you. I’m in love with you Jimbo, for the first time in my young life . . . I’m in love, and I was feeling great until . . .”

Just then their dinner was served, and they sat back, still looking at each other, as the meals were served. Silently they just picked at their food, their appetite lost.

“I don’t know why I ordered this Ryan, ‘cause I’m not hungry. Bloody waste of money.”

“Yeah I know. At home I haveta force meself to eat or the oldies might get suspicious. You know, I’m more thirsty, wonder if they have milkshakes?”

And they did. So the boys ordered ‘shakes, chocolate for Ryan, vanilla for Jim.

“I’ve been going over our options Jim, and I don’t come up with much. Point is we don’t have anybody to ask do we? Parents are out, church parsons are definitely out, and I don’t know if there are any counsellors anywhere who could help. We’re on our own Jimbo . . . all alone.”

“Ok, been thinking about how we can keep in touch and I only come up with writing, phone calls, outings such as camping, and regular days out such as now. (Ryan nodded) But none of those satisfies me. I . . .I gotta be frank mate, I want to be with you, really be with you. You know what I’m talking about (again Ryan nodded). Sometimes I ache to hold you, to feel you, and . . . god forgive me boyo, but I want to be inside you. (flushing strongly) There I’ve said it. I dream about having you, really having you; I haveta finish meself off to relieve the pressure. Wow!”

“Oh gawd, don’t you think I haven’t been dreaming about the same Jimbo? Look, I want you to fuck me until me eyeballs pop out . . . no, that’s a bit crude, what I mean is I’d love to have you inside me. I want to share my whole body with you mate, I want to give myself completely. With me mate Tommo, we shared our blood and became blood brothers. That was Ok but now I want more, much more. SHIT!”

“(Sigh) Yeah shit! But It’s not gonna happen is it? I don’t know how we can make it happen.”

Several seconds ticked by as the two young lads just longingly stared at each other. Under the table they jostled with their feet. Soon raw emotion took over and both started to tear up. They were frustrated and because they had no way of consummating their desire, it made their pain unbearable. There was no way out.

As their silent longing continued Ryan grabbed Jim’s hand and squeezed it, not caring about any witnesses.

“We’ll find away mate, as the bard says, ‘where there’s a will there’s a way’ and I know we’ll find it somehow. Just thinking about having you inside me motivates me to break some eggs.”

“(laughing) Hey I like that . . . (pause) you know I’d never hurt you Ryan, I’d be very slow so’s you’re comfortable and if you . . .”

“Shut yer mouth lover-boy, I’ve got a raging stiffie and me balls are turning blue. Shut up!”

“(Laughing out loud) Yeah, me too. Guess we’d better talk about something else, eh?”

So they talked about general things; Ryan’s job, his night school, his mother’s attempt to get his wages and the current cricket tests. They talked until the time came to say goodbye. Ryan followed Jim to a local railway station and waited with him until Jim’s train started slowing to a stop.

Then they hugged, and hugged, and hugged, whilst whispering ‘I love you’ over and over. Then Jim was gone. All that was left were tears.