Young, Gay and Scared - 6. Chapter 6

6.1

.” . . as the reason for leaving the Tamworth Christian College, all it shows on your transfer documents is 'unacceptable behaviour'. Now that could mean many things such as stealing, cheating, or sexual misbehaviour. Therefore, I must warn you that any form of 'unacceptable behaviour' at Manly Boy's High will earn you expulsion. Do you understand me? (Tommo nodded yes) good, good. You're the only person who knows the exact offence so it's up to you to behave in an exemplary manner. What say you?"

"Yes sir, you have my assurance that there won't be a repeat of my misconduct at Tamworth. My parents and I are really grateful you've given me another chance and I won't let you down."

"See that you don't. Now the second period's about to commence; you have your class schedule, school map and event timetable, so off you go, and (standing up and offering his hand) welcome to Manly Boy's High School."

The Manly Boy's High Headmaster, Allan Wilcox always conducted a personal interview with new students. However, with this new student, Tomas Davis, he needed to know more, as the reason for expulsion from his previous school was vague. He was puzzled. Sitting before him was a good-looking young man with what appeared to be an athletic body. His eyes radiated intelligence and he returned the Headmasters gaze steadfastly. Nothing in his deportment suggested anything aggressive or antagonistic so he was baffled. He determined to find the real reason for the lad's expulsion.

As soon as Tommo left the Headmasters Office, he asked his secretary to come in. Vera Primson was a middle-aged spinster who had made her career in education. It was she, not the Headmaster, who really ran the school. She had access to each pupil's personal information, all grades since enrolment, and the comments of each student's teachers. Not only was she a fountain of information, she could also be dangerous.

"What's your opinion of the Davis boy, headmaster, is he going to be a problem?"

"That remains to be seen. I don't like not knowing the real reason they expelled him from Tamworth Christian College. I'd like you to use your unofficial contacts to find out more. The right to privacy may be admirable, but I don't like not knowing if I have a loose cannon in my care. You know the system better than I, so find out what you can for me, please. Of course, any findings are private, and should only be available to either you or me."

"Yes Headmaster, I'll get on it straight away. As soon as I have something, I'll let you know."

"Good, good."

On leaving the Head's office, Tommo ran straight into Bluey.

"Hey mate, been to see his nibs eh? (Tommo nodded) I reckon Wilcox's Ok but that Nazi of a secretary . . . I feel like shouting "Sieg Heil!" and giving her the Nazi salute. C'mon, show me yer class schedule and we'll compare eh."

Tommo's best subject was Maths, so he's elected to take Math 1 and Maths 2 as well as Geography, Physics and English Grammar. Maths and English were compulsory in the five subjects all boys were required to take for their Intermediate Certificate at the end of year ten. On the other hand, Bluey was not mathematically inclined, and he elected for General Maths, Chemistry, Geography, Physics, and English.

"Looks like we only team up with Physics and English. I'm not a brain when it comes to Maths, so I have to take General Maths only because some Math subject is compulsory. Yer good at Maths eh? I'm not, I hate it; I just wish I had yer brains."

"(Laughing) Oh come on Bluey, don't put yerself down like that. We're all good at some things and bad at others. If you let me loose on the chemistry lab, I'd probably blow the place up. (Changing subject) If yer not got a date for lunch, can I sit with you?"

"Yeah mate, if I can unglue that sheila Wendy Garson, it’d be just the two of us, but Wendy's like a leech, - I can't get rid of her."

"Ok mate, see you at lunch."

<><><><>

6.2

Ryan lay pleasantly sated with Gus's arm around his shoulders. The interior of the caravan had become almost as familiar as his own bedroom. Here he'd lost not only his virginity but also his sexual innocence. In the three months since he'd been seeing Gus, he found the real joy of sex without the heavy guilt that the Catholic Church preaches. But this last . . .

. . . . he was gentle and concerned about hurting me, and it was great. I'm no longer a virgin and to be honest, I liked it - no, I loved it. A bit painful at the start but once my bum adjusted to his cock-head the pain simply became discomfort and then pleasure. And when he began to stroke that spot inside me I freaked out; Oh man, that was so good, I couldn't get enough. Mmmm, he fucked me. Gus fucked me, and it felt great. He was so gentle and caring, letting me sit on him and telling me to lower down on his cock at me own pace. Shit, the feel of his massive rod buried deep inside me was amazing and the look in his eyes told me he was enjoying the sensation also. It got even better when he rolled me over and started to fuck me on me back. That's when his cock began to stroke me private pleasure spot in earnest. It was a strange feeling, being helpless with someone massaging me to an orgasm without me touching meself - strange, but wonderful. It felt so good, and the sensation of having no control over cumming was weird. Then when Gus exploded, and his warm juice flooded inside me, it made the whole experience meaningful. That was fantastic, and I loved it. I'm a slut!

"You're quiet, what're thinking about?"

"About how good that was, how amazing it is to be fucked. I loved having no control over me body and still having an orgasm. I gotta thank you Gus for being so considerate seeing it's me first time. Been a bit apprehensive all week but now, I just feel wonderful - maybe a bit sore but still happy. Shit, you musta cum a lot; I can feel your goo even now running outta me. It stinks a bit."

"(Laughing) Come here let me fix yer soreness. (Turning over a pulling a tube out of his bedside table) Here, they give this stuff to people with Piles; it has a local anaesthetic, which will help. Shove some toilet paper up yer arse to stop dribbling."

We're so different, him and I. He's muscular and pale-skinned whereas I'm tanned and wiry. I know he wants me even though I don't have many muscles yet; I'm flattered. I like the look of lust in his eyes when I'm naked. I was worried about being hurt but it's amazing how quickly the initial pain passes and gives way to pleasure. Who'd of thought?

Gus was lazily playing with Ryan’s nipples and he started to feel horny again. God, he loved Gus touching him. After a while, his arousal grew, and unbelievably, he wanted another fuck. He studied Gus's flaccid penis and decided to play with it.

"Shit young-un, if you keep doing that I'll explode. Haven't you had enough?"

"NO! Getting fucked was so much better than I'd thought. That stuff you put on me hole has got rid of any soreness, and I want to go again. This time, you be the boss and concentrate on enjoying yerself. Take me again master, I want to feel yer cock inside me again.

With that, Ryan offered himself.

<><><><>

6.3

.” . . are you sure, I mean, how reliable is your contact? I'm assuming the person is a female and there's no doubt she is a dependable source. (Vera Primson nodded 'yes'). This (sigh) is terrible, I mean to read about these cretins is bad enough, but to have one as a student is alarming. I don't know what to do Vera; I don't even know who I should talk to. How will the parents react when they find out that an active homosexual is part of the student body? I suspect there'll be an outcry, and they'll blame me for exposing their kids to this disease. Any thoughts?"

"Well we've got to do something, haven't we? Sooner rather than later, this boy will succumb to his bestial needs and rape an innocent boy. When the parents learn that we knew about his sickness and did nothing, it could lead to criminal charges against us. I don't know what my position is Headmaster, I mean I know about it now, and therefore must take some action."

"Hold on, your position is the same as mine, in that we can't do anything. Until the boy commits an indecent act against another boy we have no proof that he is . . . he is . . . a, homosexual. We just can't expel him on hearsay. We can't rely on the information at The Christian College as that info is sealed until the child is eighteen years. If we did rely on that evidence, you and your Christian College contact could be charged with breach of confidence. I don't know what the penalty would be. Furthermore, as I understand it, the evidence borders on hearsay. If it came to court any smart defence lawyer would tear the case to shreds."

Silence.

"Oh dear . . . yes, I see your point headmaster. I really hadn't given much thought to consequences. Oh dear, this is awful. Every time I see this animal in either the classroom of at play, I will have an urge to lash out. I don't know if I can keep quiet (Silence as she thought about her dilemma) What about the toilets, will our boys become infected simply using the toilet seats? Perhaps we should talk to the school nurse about risks?"

"That's a good idea. Better if I talk to her on the grounds of school policy. I don't want you involved any more than you are Vera. I also have a responsibility to you as well. . . "

"Thank you, Headmaster, that's very thoughtful of you, and I do appreciate it. Nevertheless, the fact remains we do know about the cretin's appetite so, in a way, we're forewarned and therefore forearmed. There's some comfort in knowing in advance."

"Hmmm, I guess you're right. Now off you go and let's see how this plays out . . . and Vera thanks for bringing this to me. You did the right thing."

However, other factors were at play and would soon manifest themselves.

<><><><>

6.4

For Tommo the first few weeks at his new school went well. Because of his natural outgoing nature, he'd made other friends beside Bluey and Geoff Cree, and had started to join in the school's sporting activities- specifically tennis. In both of his Math classes, he outshone the rest of the boys, becoming something of a favourite with his teachers. This did not go down well.

In every school, wherever it may be, there are always bullies. At Manly High, this honour went to an obnoxious chap called Martin Cradox or "Biffo" as he was affectionally known. Because he was overweight, tall for his age, and academically not too bright, he sported a very large and very hostile inferiority complex. To his friends, he was 'alright'; to anyone else, he was a right mean bastard. Tommo's growing popularity caught his attention.

After a few conditioning circuits of the athletic track, Tommo always used the showers before going home. In fact, personal cleanliness was one of Tommo's manias and he would stand for a long time under the shower enjoying the hot water on his skin. On this day, he'd just finished his shower and was drying himself when a menacing voice interrupted his musing.

"Well lookee here, if'n it ain't pretty-boy Tomas Davis. What say you,princess, going home to swat up so's you can make us look idiots?"

"Nah, just need to get home quick so's I can masturbate thinking of yer little sister."

"You what? What did you say?"

"You heard me. I'm not gonna repeat meself for the likes of you."

"Well for your benefit, I ain't got a little sister or a big sister at that, so what're talk'n about."

"Oh right, it must be yer mum I'm thinkin' about. You do have a mother don't you Cradox? Actually, I feel sorry for her; I bet the first time she laid eyes on you, she woulda screamed in fright."

"Why you rotten . . ."

Martin Cradox threw a punch at Tommo, who ducked, making the bully's fist crash into a steel locker. The sound of flesh connecting with metal was loud, almost as loud as Cradox's cry of pain. But after that Tomas felt the full fury of the bully's onslaught. To protect himself, Tommo crouched into a foetal position and was unable to return the flurry of punches. In his fury, Cradox began to yell obscenities and insults about Tommo in particular and family in general; his mother, Shirley Davis was awarded the foulest invectives. The yelling and the cries of pain quickly drew a crowd who encouraged with cries of, "Go get 'im Biffo" and, "Punch the shit outta him Biffo" and, "Give the teacher's pet a fuck'n hiding Martin" and so on. Soon the noise got the attention of a passing teacher who rushed in to stop the fight.

"Let me through goddamit, let me through. Stop it Cradox! Stop it right now. C'mon someone help me separate these two children, c’mon (pulling the boys apart with the help of other students) easy, easy now. Ok, what's this all about?"

The two antagonists faced each other, held apart by several of the other boys. It was obvious Cradox wasn't in the best condition as he stood panting and flushed with the exertion. Now the teacher addressed both boys.

"C'mon, what're you blokes fighting about, and I want the truth."

"He made suggestive remarks about me mum and I clobbered him. If'n he says it again I'll really bash him hard, so hard I'll put him in hospital, I will."

"And you in jail as a result Cradox. Is that what you want mister? Is that what you want? (Cradox started to respond but the teacher cut him off) no, shut it Cradox, I want to hear from Davis; go on Davis let me hear your side of the argument . . . and not a word outta you Cradox, you hear."

"He called me girlie names and I responded by making remarks about his mother. I'm sorry sir, I shouldn't have insulted his mother, and for that, I apologize. Trouble is Cradox, his cronies call him 'Biffo', has only one response in an argument and that to use his fists. But I do apologize Martin for making aspersions about your mum. Sorry.”

"There you go Cradox, Davis has apologized for saying bad things about your mum, so as far as I'm concerned, we'll let the matter rest, Ok."

After the teacher left Tommo and Cradox stood staring at each other until Tommo turned away. Under his breath, Cradox muttered,

"It's not over fuckwit, not over at all. I'll get you when we're both alone and there's no one to come to help you. You can bet on it."

As Tommo was leaving the Gym, Bluey and Geoff joined him.

"What happened Tommo? How did the fight start?"

"He came at me Bluey, started to make offensive comments and I simply fired me own back. In the process, I referred to his mum that I regret but you know, it just slipped out without thinking and that's when he started laying into me. He's a vicious bastard is Biffo. (turning to Geoff) I hear he's a friend of yer brother, Geoff?"

"Yep, when he comes around my dad, me brother and him go into a cuddle . . . I mean huddle. I stays away 'cause I got nuthin in common with them all. The only reason he don't pick on me is me brother. I know what he's like Tommo, he won't forget you shitting on his mum; they're very close.”

"What I don't know is why he picked on me; after all I've just started at Manly High so why did he start talking to me like I was a girl? Any chance Geoff, that you could ask yer brother? If he's close to Cradox he might know the answer."

"Sure thing, I'll go ask tonight. You don’t want fuckwits like Cradox to go around saying yer a poofter or such. That'd be real bad and could lead to worse things happening."

"Thanks Geoff, yer a pal; and thank you too Bluey for bein' in my corner."

"Shut up! We're mates and mates gotta stick together."

<><><><>

6.5

.” . . and that's all I know Nurse. We've confirmed the boy was expelled for Indecency, but we don't have any details. My question is what preventative actions should be taken to stop this insidious disease creeping into our school. Your thoughts please."

"Headmaster, how many times have I asked you to call me Gladys when we're alone? We've known each other long enough now not to be so formal (Allen Wilcox smiled his agreement) as to the boy, just find some pretext to expel him. I've seen this problem first hand and it must be contained before it infects the whole school. There is . . ."

'You say Gladys that it must be contained, but how? I mean is it a disease requiring antibiotics, surgery, or just plain old counselling? I need to know more about this thing called homosexuality before I can decide on what action to take."

"Hmm, yes I see. Best response I can give you relates to something I once read on the subject in a medical journal. The doctor put forward the example of black tribes in Africa when conferring the rite of manhood on young tribal members. It may shock you, as it did me, that the older males had sex with the youngsters believing that, by fluid transference, their manhood attributes would pass to the younger boys. Now I don't want to go into details (the headmaster nodded his understanding) but it seems likely that homosexuals adopt this procedure, by . . ."

"Sorry for interrupting, but what has this got to do with boys choosing to be homosexual?"

"Let me finish, I was coming to that. The medical opinion is that young men who are not confident of their manhood require to absorb the fluids of stronger males so that they can feel manlier. It makes sense when you think about it; just don't ask me for too much detail."

"Well, it does make sense, rather obnoxious sense I might add. But, how does one treat this condition or, more importantly, warn stronger males to avoid any approaches by other men seeking to exploit their manhood?"

"Oh, I think let nature take its course. Homosexuality is rare, very rare indeed, and any advance made to a normal male would invoke a physical response rejecting the approach. I don't think you've anything to be concerned about."

"That seems too simple; I feel I must do something."

"Agreed. How about asking our pastor to issue a warning about the grave sin of indulging in these despicable acts."

"Hmmm yes, I'll do that."

<><><><>

6.6

On his way home from school Tommo side-tracked and found his way to his own private spot near the dam.

What did Cradox mean calling me a girl and then using the term princess? Does he know? If so, how did he find out? Or was it just a slip of tongue, a manner of speech. There's no way he could find out because the expulsion records are sealed in law. Questions, questions, questions?

Dear Lord above, if you can hear me I'm getting so sick of all this. I'm tired of living a lie, I'm tired of living with fear, and I'm tired of living with stress. I'm normal in every way except whom I love. Why is it so traumatic? Am I going to live the rest of my life in fear – to be an outcast? When will I be free to find love and acceptance in the world around me?

What will happen if Bluey and Geoff find out I'm a homo? Worse still, what will Bert Cree and Cradox do if it becomes known? I'll certainly lose the only friends I've got at best, and at worst be lethally assaulted by the likes of Cree and Cradox. Except for Ryan, I've got no one I can talk to. And what about Ryan, would he want to be friendly with me if the truth comes out?

I've got all these questions and no answers. The worst of it is I don't have anyone I can turn to. I'm anathema at school, a pariah to God, considered a criminal by the police, and condemned by society.

What a bleak future, if there is a future. Do I have a future?

<><><><>

6.7

Neither was Ryan's life fairing any better. His main issue was knowing his days at The Grammar School were numbered. It started again this morning; the arguments, the accusations, the threats, and the shouting were so loud surely the whole street knew of their domestic problems. Once again, his father suggested he'd be better off dead rather than listen to his wife's vicious tongue. His mother's vitriolic response still haunted his memory.

"KILL YOURSELF! did I hear you threaten to kill yourself? Ha, you haven't the guts to do it, Bill Seaton. Anyway, that would just show how much a coward you are because suicide is a cowardly act. Just your style to do away with yourself and leave me here to raise a kid and keep house payments going. Why, I'd have to go to work thanks to you. NO, no, no. Well I suppose, looking on the bright side, I'd be able to marry someone who's a real man, not the puny pathetic wimp that you are" . . . and so on.

One advantage of a city school was the travelling. Bus to the ferry, then the ferry, and then a short bus ride to school. All in all, about an hour fifteen minutes each way. He liked the ferry mostly because it took around forty minutes and was relaxing. This morning, as he watched the harbour slide by, his thoughts returned to this morning.

Just an empty threat, that's what it was, and not the first time his dad had shouted the threat. (Sigh) if only there was a way to shut his mother's mouth. What she really needed was some fella to shove his cock down her throat and silence her. Ha, fat chance (giggling). That’s' not a nice thing to think about yer mother, Ryan.

But I reckon me days at this school are numbered. Pity though. I'm doing well scholastically and made the athletic squad. Strange how Jimmie Tandara and me fit well together. In every sprint contest we've had, he's only beaten me by a fraction of a second. If'n I were to train serious like, I reckon I could take him. I like him in other ways too; got some colour in his family because he's tanned all over. The thing is one of his leg's is shorter than the other, not by much, but he still has a limp. Is this why he always beats me? I dunno.

Hey, here am I whinging about meself when Tommo is probably going through worse. Crap! If the news gets out he's a homo I shudder to think what may happen. So, what would I do? What I'd do is stand by him. Ok, I'll get hammered with guilt by association, but I'm not gonna abandon him. That would make me a coward, a craven coward. Tommo and me, we'se gotta stand together.

Me Da wouldn't kill himself, would he? Nah.