I was our Gypsy Leader 1 - My reincarnated Soul Mate - 4. Chapter 4. A talk with John who once was my friend.

After opening my second folding chair, both John and I sat down at the kitchen table, this time facing each other. Trying to make my young friend feel even more welcome, I smiled and winked at him. Although John immediately smiled back at me, he still didn't say a word. Obviously, he just didn't know how to start his talk with me... Well, again, it seemed to be up to me to break the ice. But, first, I wanted to brew fresh coffee for me and probably another drink for my young friend. Being unsure about John's taste, I asked him:

"Would you care for hot chocolate instead of tea?"

Still looking a little bit nervous, John hesitatingly answered:

"May I please have cold milk instead? I don't like hot chocolate."

"Yes, of course. Please help yourself from the refrigerator, while I am brewing my next cup of black coffee."

John seemed to remember where I had put my drinking glasses, because he went straight to one of my cupboards and took one. Next, he went to my refrigerator, carried the milk to the table, and filled his glass, while I brewed another cup of coffee. Soon, we sat down again, sipping our drinks and now and then smiling at each other, while our tension slowly subsided. After both of us had finished our drinks, I decided to apologize for my behavior first and told John:

"John, I want to apologize for my rude behavior first! Yesterday, I hadn't planned to leave you all alone on my porch like that. However, those two so loathed words, 'freak' and 'alien', made me remember my own burnt little brother and my own horrible youth, so that I didn't know what to do and therefore just fled into my house."

Whilst talking to John, I felt a couple of unexpected tears dripping down my face. Stealthily, I wiped them away, hoping that John hadn't seen them. What would he think of the again crying 'ancient grandpa'? Much to my surprise, John only looked concerned, as if he understood my sudden sadness and even wanted to help me... At seeing John's concerned reaction, I decided to tell my young friend everything that had happened around Joshie's burns and early death. My heart was now sure I could trust John and that he would never misuse any of my private confessions. Again, my inside 'remembered' John as being my dearest friend from many past lives, and I was again sure we had been talking and listening to each other many times before!

Again, the same 'memories' showed up in my mind, of us sitting around a fire, talking and drinking coffee. We were grownup friends of about the same age, and my friend always babysat my newborn son while I had to trade deer pelts for food and other necessities. My wife had died in childbirth, so that I had to raise my son all alone until the little imp was old enough to follow me everywhere and help me with everything. Until a hungry bear killed all three of us; and we returned to our 'Timeless Eternal Realm', where our Ancestors, Eternal Friends, and many Spiritual Helpers were already waiting for us...

Again feeling shocked into my deepest core, I still didn't know what to think of those strange 'remembrances'. What if my old Indian Shaman had been right; and 'reincarnation' was a fact of life I really had to reckon with, although most other people were living in their heads and therefore couldn't remember anything at all? Feeling a bit irritated, I forced myself to return into the here and now. For now, I just didn't want to remember any more 'reincarnations', 'past lives', or so-called 'Timeless Eternal Realms'. Every other sane and normal person knows that dead is dead, and death is the definite end of everything! Why should I think otherwise, only because I once met some old and probably already senile Indian Shaman?

Hesitatingly, I returned to my concerned looking young friend and started to tell him what had happened with my own burnt little brother during my own horrible youth. Still feeling uneasy, I told John how my little brother and I always were in perfect harmony, even after the little duffer put his hair and his clothes on fire while trying to light an unwilling candle. John looked pale while I told him how I panicked and put my screeching little brother under the shower where I tried to undress him, but some burnt skin came off too while he cried louder and louder. Finally, an ambulance brought Joshie to a hospital; where, day after day, I visited a sedated little mummy, until my little brother returned home as a mute and completely bald 'freaky alien'.

John shuddered while I told him how my parents started to blame me for Joshie's ordeal and also forced me to take my badly burnt little brother with me when and wherever I wanted to go outside. John got tears in his deep brown eyes while I told him how everybody who saw my burnt little brother for the first time, called him a 'freak' or an 'alien'; and how all my former 'friends' first started to make fun of Joshie and from then on always tried to avoid us. Finally, I told John about Joshie's sudden but liberating death, and about my own still suppressed feelings of guilt and shame. Joshie went to 'heaven' and was free, but I can still feel the burning fire in my own soul!

Falling silent, I stared out my kitchen windows at all the twittering little sparrows that still chased after each other through the backyards. Only, this time, I didn't really see them, because my sad mind was still lingering in my past, reliving my guilt and old pain and all those terrible humiliations. Again, my eyes filled with tears and started to drip; but, this time, I remained unaware of them, because I was still dwelling in my own sad world full of bitterness and agony...

Unexpectedly, I woke up from my sadness, because I felt a warm arm around my shoulders, while a boyish hand first touched my face and then wiped my dripping tears away. Unseen by me, John had left his chair and walked around our kitchen table, clearly to help and comfort me! After wiping several dripping tears away, he also started to massage my tense shoulders. When John saw me returning into the here and now, he smiled bashfully while he told me:

"Just let your feelings go, sir, and don't try to bottle them up. That way, you will soon start feeling quite a lot better."

Feeling truly amazed, I looked at my young friend and stared into his infinitely deep brown wise orbs, where I saw a surprising amount of Inner Wisdom in what should be 'only' a young child. Who was the real psychotherapist here? Very much to my surprise, my inside was already starting to feel quite a lot better! Within a few minutes, all my bad memories were fading away, so that my troubled mind started to feel like being born again. This so caring only thirteen-year-old boy must have a real gold mine in his heart that felt like overflowing with a surprising amount of Pure Love and Healing Power. Wow, what an extremely special child was he! Feeling grateful for John's unexpected concern and spontaneous help, I first smiled broadly at my so special 'former friend'. Then, I also put my arms around his surprisingly firm frame and gently pulled him towards my chest...

Without any hesitancy, John trustingly settled down onto my lap, from where he looked up at me with a broad smile from ear to ear, whilst sending me another huge amount of Pure Cosmic Love through his infinitely deep brown orbs. Still smiling, he confessed:

"Perhaps this sounds strange, but I am sure that you and I have been close friends during several former lives! Of course, in this life, I am still a young child and you are already an older grownup. But, during many past lives, we have been grownup friends of around the same age; and, in the last one, Harry was your own little son and I always babysat him while you had to go downtown to exchange your deer pelts for healthy fresh food and other necessities."

Feeling totally baffled, I could only stare at John and look deeply into his warm brown eyes, while my too analytical mind was making overtime. Did John really remember the same 'trapper life' where he and I had been close friends of the same age and Harry had been my own little son? But, then, my 'remembrances' from our 'past lives' had to be TRUE! From now on, I could never again deny them. Clearly, my Indian Shaman had been correct with his strange belief that our 'souls' were eternal and immortal, and we were descending onto our Planet Earth only temporarily to live and develop here, time after time, until we had learned everything and were finally ready to return to our 'Timeless Eternal Realm' to stay there forever...

For quite some time, I could only stare at John; while he bashfully smiled back at me, as if he hoped I wouldn't be too mad at him for perhaps being disrespectful by telling me what he still remembered or sensed... Then, feeling full of Pure Love for my re-found best friend from at least one of our shared 'past lives', I smiled back at John and pulled him even closer against my chest.

While John nestled even closer into my arms, something very nice and wonderful happened between us that I could only describe as a magically growing feeling of mutual and powerful Eternal Love. My inside was now sure that John and I would be close friends again, although he was 'only' a young boy and I was already an 'old man'. During many shared incarnations, we had been really close friends of about the same age! Now, I was even more eager to meet 'little Harry', who once had been my own little son and John's little friend, until a hungry bear showed up and killed all three of us...

After quite some time of cuddling and getting tears in our eyes from mutual recognition and happiness, I finally unfolded my arms from John's waist and worked my three clean handkerchiefs out of my pocket. Where the heck could my huge packet of tissues be, now that I needed it? First, I used one handkerchief to wipe away both John's tears and mine. Then, we both blew our noses in the remaining two. At long last, John started to fidget while he sighed:

"Sorry, sir, but I need to use the bathroom..."

Before John left my lap, he first put two surprisingly strong arms around my neck and hugged me fiercely! Wow, every time he did such a thing, I started to love my affectionate young friend more and more, while my inside was now sure that John really had been my very best friend during several past incarnations. Apart from that, he certainly was working his way even deeper into my heart!

Still feeling full of love, I put a small kiss onto John's forehead. That was what I always did with my own brother and my daughters, to express my Pure Love for them, while John helpfully pulled me to my feet. Next, he took our wet handkerchiefs from the kitchen table and put them onto the sink, next to each other. Clearly, my 'former friend' was quite a lot tidier than I had been at such a young age!

Because I had to go too, I joined John into the hallway. Walking together, whilst trying to bump into each other like little children, we frolicked towards the bathroom door. After waiting for each other to bless the ceramic god in turn, both of us returned to the kitchen sink to wash our hands. Teasingly, John splashed a few water drops at me and then quickly dived away to escape my wrath, until I grabbed my snickering young friend and pushed his head under the streaming water tap. My unexpected action made John growl and splutter:

"You are mean! Just wait until I am older and stronger, or until you are a lot older and probably senile."

Chuckling at hearing John's clever teasing, I took the only kitchen towel I had been able to find so far, and offered one side of it to John. Together, we tried to dry our wet faces and hands, whilst playfully mock fighting to get some more of the same towel. It took a lot of time; but, finally, our faces and hands were more or less dry. Again, we returned to our kitchen table and slumped down on our folding chairs. Still smiling at each other, I told my young friend:

"Thank you very much for listening to my story. Your friendship and support helped me quite a lot, because I am already feeling much better! To me, you seem to be a very nice young cuddle bear with an enormous heart full of Real Love and lots of understanding, so that I am now even happier to be your 'older friend'."

Looking into my eyes with his brightly beaming dark brown orbs, John first smiled back at me and then responded:

"You are very welcome sir, and your cuddles and support helped ME too! You too are a really nice cuddle bear with an enormous heart filled to the brim with love, and I am very happy to be your younger friend. Yesterday, the others and I feared that you could be angry with us, because you suddenly left us and went inside. Therefore, after my little Gypsy brother and I talked about you, I promised Harry to try to contact you. Now, I can fully understand why you didn't want to tell us anything about those memories from your early youth..."

For a few seconds, John paused, before he went on:

"Thank you very much for trusting me and telling me everything. I am now sure that you and I will become best friends again, hopefully forever, although, during this life, you will always be older than I am. Besides, when I wanted to tell Harry a few more things about you, he knew already most of what had happened, and he also confessed he regrets fleeing away after you saw him and waved at him. He also explained that he was afraid to meet you because you seemed to be angry and had already kicked a chair across your living room."

"Yes, I remember feeling angry and kicking one of my chairs out of the way. I only didn't know that Harry could be spying on me..."

"Harry has always been really good at spying and hiding, probably because of his Gypsy nature and hunting for small animals in a forest. He also confessed that he is still afraid to let you see his burnt face, because he doesn't want to be disappointed again. Too many people laughed at him, shooed him away, or called him a 'freak' or an 'alien' when they saw his so badly burnt face for the first time."

"I think that Harry is still afraid because he doesn't know yet that I am already used to seeing a boy with a burnt face because of my own little brother. And, now that I know this about your burnt little brother, I am even sorrier for blowing my chance to meet him..."

"You certainly didn't blow any chances, because Harry can now be sure that you really accept him for who he is, including his burnt face, although he will still be afraid of getting disappointed again. Only his Big Friend, Jack, never reacted shocked or laughed at him. Officially, Harry still lives in our house; but, in reality, he was living with Jack in Jack's house. Jack always tutored him, taught him our language and our habits, and helped him with everything that he needed. Jack also visited Harry every day when he returned to a hospital to undergo his umpteenth skin operation. I think that Jack was Harry's father, his mother, and his very best friend, all in one..."

Again, John fell silent, while he furtively wiped some stray tears from his face. Obviously, my young friend was still caring very much for his burnt 'little Gypsy brother' who had such an enormous burden to endure! Where could I have left my spare packet of tissues, now that I desperately needed it? Probably, it was still packed away in one of my unopened cardboard boxes. Therefore, I took one of the still wet handkerchiefs from the kitchen sink and offered it to John. With a grateful smile, John first searched for a dry corner. Fortunately, he was able to find a relatively dry spot and used it to wipe his stray tears away. Then, although now sounding a bit shivery, he went on:

"Next week, Harry has to return to the hospital again, because his doctors want to loosen some too tight skin, and they will also try to give him a slightly better nose and lips. Of course, Harry has been in that hospital many times before, but he never felt so alone and scared! I am sure that Harry still misses Jack terribly. His Big Friend always cheered him up and let him see the positive side of everything, even when all the things in his young life seemed to go wrong..."

After again wiping some stray tears away, John went on:

"Two months ago, in the middle of the night, Jack woke Harry up and sent him to my parents and me, because he didn't feel well. When we arrived in his house, Jack was already dead, but he had a big smile on his face as if he knew he had done the right thing by sending Harry away in time. From then on, Harry started living with us, but we have to share my room and his belongings are stowed away in our garage. Every night, Harry crawls into my bed and sleeps next to me, because he used to sleep next to Jack and he still hates sleeping alone..."

Again, John wiped a few stray tears away before he went on:

"Although Harry can see Jack's spirit and sometimes even talks to him, he was angry with his Big Friend for abandoning him just like that, and therefore refused to listen to Jack's voice. Fortunately, this morning, he finally made up with Jack so that they are now friends again. Jack even told Harry that he likes the new owner of his former house, and both Harry and I think that has to be you."

Again, John stared deeply into my eyes, as if he was afraid that I would reject the possibility of Jack's spirit not only being around but also talking to his little Gypsy brother. Too many people are afraid of contacting so-called 'ghosts' or 'spirits', and they tend to avoid such 'weird' people. Should I tell John that I too had sensed Jack's spirit around me, always together with my deceased little brother? Would John believe me; or would he think I could have made up some nice parallel story, to reassure him and make him feel better?

At the same time, my inside was already sure that I could tell John everything about my 'weird' experiences, without any fears of being rejected. My young friend seemed to have a very open mind, and, even more surprisingly, my own 'gut feeling' told me that the late Jack's 'spirit' could have contacted John as well! Perhaps, John only wanted to play it safe, until he too could be absolutely sure that I didn't reject him or his burnt little Gypsy brother.

Deciding to be totally open to John, I responded:

"To be absolutely honest, I too did sense Jack's spirit around me, but always together with the spirit of my own deceased little brother. Yesterday afternoon, whilst sitting on my porch, Jack's spirit pointed me to my backyard where your little brother spied on me from within a thick bush. And, last night, after I had a frightening nightmare, I suddenly heard Jack's voice in my inside, telling me that your little brother needs me! Therefore, I am glad to know that Harry's former 'Big Friend' is still around him as sort of a 'guardian angel'."

With a proudly beaming face and sparkling deep brown eyes, John rose from his folding chair while he almost cheered:

"I KNEW you would be one of us! I just knew it! Now I am even more convinced that Jack brought you into his former house to be Harry's Big Friend and start helping him, because Harry just cannot cope without another loving grownup in his life to encourage him and cheer him up, especially when he has to return to the hospital for his umpteenth surgery. Harry still misses his own Dad and Mom, and I also think he needs sort of a 'replacement Dad' to raise him and help him grow up until he will be old enough to fend for himself."

Of course, John's unexpected revelations made me think. Could really Jack's spirit have brought me towards his former abode, hoping that a trained psychotherapist would buy Harry's former home? Could Jack also have arranged meeting my five young neighbors? Or, had Joshie's spirit pointed me to Jack's former abode, to let me buy it and thus make me help their burnt little Gypsy orphan?

Suddenly, another speculative thought crossed my mind. Could Jack's and Joshie's spirits be 'Big Friends' too, in wherever they were living now, in 'Heaven', or perhaps in 'The Beyond'? Had they been working together to guide me towards Jack's former house, and were they still working together? That would explain why I always sensed Joshie's energy around me while I heard Jack's grownup voice in my inside! Or, was I now thinking nonsense?

In the meantime, my rational mind still refused to believe in any 'life after death' or in any 'messages from the beyond'. My old brain was still convinced that 'dead was dead', and anything else could be nothing more than some strange 'new-age' belief. Despite what I had experienced and what I had told John, Jack's warm and soulful voice in my inside COULD have been a product of my own imagination! Perhaps, I would be able to change my mind after first somebody PROVED to me the existence of those so-called 'Spirit Guides'? Of course, such a weird occurrence would never happen...

Yet, in spite of my thoughts, I still wanted to meet my little son from my past life, especially after Jack's warm voice in my inside had told me: 'This is your final destiny, and your son needs you.' Clearly, Jack knew that little Harry really had been my own little son! Because my gut feeling also told me that Jack's spirit could have contacted my 'former friend from our past lives' as well, I asked John:

"John? Did Jack's spirit try to contact you as well?"

Still sounding very happy, John answered:

"Now and then, I too can sense Jack's spirit around me, but only faintly and not as well as Harry always does. To me, it feels more as if I can sense Jack's presence, or as if I am aware of a subtle change in the energy. I know that Jack also tries to talk to me, but most of the time I cannot understand what he says. But, at this same moment, I can clearly sense Jack's spirit, standing over there in that corner of your kitchen and listening to our conversation!"

What? Was really Jack's spirit standing in a corner of my kitchen and listening to our conversation? Or, could John be trying to impress me by making things up? Stealthily, I peeked at the same corner... and my chin dropped almost to the floor! Was I really seeing a hazy mist in that corner? Or, was my own mind making up such a mist, perhaps because it expected to see some sort of a 'ghostly' form in that corner? Surprisingly, at the same time, I again sensed Joshie's so well-known harmony, clearly radiating from that same corner, as if he stood there and stared at me with his knowing dark brown eyes!

Suddenly feeling irritated, I tore myself loose from that corner and forced my inside to return into the 'here and now'. For today, I had lived through more than enough of those 'ghostly' surprises. Yet, I still wanted to meet my own little son from our past 'trapper lives'! Would John be able to convince my little namesake to join him towards my house? Or, would little Harry be too scared after he fled from my backyard, and would he now stay away from my house? That would be truly sad! Deciding to give it a chance, I asked John:

"John? Could you please try to convince your little Gypsy brother to join you towards Jack's former abode, so that he and I can meet and get acquainted? Perhaps, you might tell Harry first that I am already used to seeing a little boy with a severely burnt face, because of my own severely burnt little brother Joshie..."

With a joyful voice and sparkling brown eyes, John exclaimed:

"Yes sir, that sounds like an excellent idea! I will first tell Harry a few things about you and your own burnt little brother, so that he can be sure he doesn't need to be scared anymore. Thank you very much for wanting to meet Harry, and I will try to bring him into your house as soon as I can. Just a moment please; and I will be right back."

Before John left the house, he first turned around and jumped up at me whilst trustfully let me catch his rather heavy frame in midair! The impact of his weight made my old spine groan with the sudden effort, while John threw his arms around my neck and his legs around my waist. Feeling a bit surprised, I folded my arms around John's firm frame and pulled him even closer against my chest.

Wow! Every time my young friend did such an unexpected thing, I started to love him even more! Obviously, he had done those same things many times before with the late Jack who clearly had been his 'Big Friend' too, although his 'little Gypsy brother' had first rights.

Although I still tried to suppress any upcoming remembrances, they just showed up, this time of the grownup John and I chasing after my little son who tried to escape from our combined tickle tortures. After we caught him, we smothered him with 'little kisses', until the squealing imp nearly wet his pants and promised us to better his life. Could there, after all, really be some truth in living more than one life on earth? Why did my inside again remember all those things about John and I being grownup friends while my little son frolicked around us? And why were John and I already feeling so totally at ease with each other, from the very first moment we met? If only my confused mind could get some undeniable proof...

Before John left, he first took his used glass and my coffee cup from the kitchen table and put them into the sink. Then, he put the milk back into the refrigerator, before he trotted outside. Again, John seemed to be quite a lot tidier than I had been at that age!